Exactly 2:00 long too! FUN! YAY! I stayed in! This is actually wicked I think but too bad can’t do flooreography at the Bovine cos it’s too dirty and no one can see from the back. Another venue another time in Paris someday.
It’s that time again, working on another burlesque showcase (date to be confirmed) so soon already, just around the corner December is. Ho ho ho. A lot of these xmas classic jams (to perform to) are quite slow, the ones appropes for a burlesque show that is, gonna be hilarious and yuletidey barftacularly festive no doubt. V excited. Pastel Supernova and Bunny Angora fully on board wuhoo new hot blood :).
xo Raymbo Claus.
ps. I WILL have a naughty and nice list ON DECK so watch yo-selves, plenty-o elves ta deal with y’alls.
pps. Happy Thanksgiving to my American buddies. Be careful tomorrow on black Friday!
Triple ps. here is the second half to my florence new fav jam vid I have watched it over and over and over again enough already all the stupid has worn off so enjoy, sorry it’s not Mr. Grinch (which will be a laugh riot I am sure seeing as I treat everything I touch like halloween now).
“Floor work” stripper industry speak. Teacher liked this part of the performance more than the first one anyway cos I get right down to biz and the ridic opening girly fanfare is all out of the way, I imagine. Totally haven’t learned the words to the song yet either in this magical production.
and now I watch my rendition to rockin’ around the Christmas tree, tonight marks exactly one month away to xmas eve. OMG SO CLOSE TO SUMMER!
Ahh social media, you harsh mistress. You are the new hipster, a term to keep dropping and rehashing and blogging and talking about to foster more discussion over a necessary evil that both confuses and excites lots of folk. Dork self important assholes mainly or entire start-ups comprised as the former (my competition) known as “firms” who will take a big name corporation and guide them in terms of cool branding, hyping, repping, publicity, trending, blabbity blah. Now, you can do that for tens and twenties of thousands of dollars or you can go to a little (HUGE) guy like me and pick my brain. I, have been successfully cool branding myself for years, long before myspace even how did people find me without facebook or twitter? I must be a wizard or something, I was a kind of VICE magazine barnacle, coursing to infamy on a messageboard lickity split the second my fingers touched the keys in the year 1999. I’ve been able to create and maintain a bevy of it-girlism, single-handedly (for eleven years this November) all by myself allow me to exploit my talents now, I’ve won over TEN FIRST PLACE blog awards, cough cough. I’m ripped off and replicated time and again, I started the selfy photo (you’re welcome) and blogvertorials (you’re welcome again) and my rank is climbing again in North America, right now I’m just over 20k on this continent. Sure, media outlet websites/blogs best me but as a person, a one man institution I cream all competition, and how did I do it, no, how DO I do it? Why would you blow all that money on fifty brains when you could save half of it and just take me to dinner one night get me blasted and I tell you everything. I think it’s a wise move to go with fifty brains by the way, I am not an idiot but I know that if everyone uses the same fifty brains for all the TRADE SECRETS then how will you know how I know what to say and do and react and create for your new product?
Colleague just sent me this video and I thought it would be a good excuse to whore us out for more campaign work (unlike politics, these campaigns have a high success rate LOL). alexATraymitheminx.com If you want in on the dog ‘n pony show. Landed myself a sweet gig after holidays from having my face seen in the Globe & Mail (make the papers monthly what did I say?), the man’s breath was taken away! If you’re gonna have to be sat down like the funny old crony in that video up there then what better a face to learn all that shit from than mine? I’ll let you buy the first round of drinks afterward (plus my fee ;)). Over and out, Raymbo Bright.
His breath was also taken away. Trying to find Globe pic from this night.
See how happy I am? Remember that next time gingerjerkbread house asses.
A jar fell out of the cupboard and smashed, I was busy vacuuming and thus not being a control freak so no icing foundation was laid but also we decided to decorate first and assemble later.
I like my Dr.Seuss swirly sparkles because I am a social reject.
I did what I could. I was the only one taking it seriously. AS USUAL. I take sparkles and icing very seriously. Too seriously maybe?
Light eggnog anyone? Greyhound? Ever since I learned that geniuses drink/consume grapefruit I drink that stuff like cray-zay. Apparently it makes you sharp, and It’s true cos it tastes intense and you have to be a man to be able to take it, much like Brio, an acquired taste for sure as you’re swallowing it you are like why is this happening, what is this taste?
Oh well, fresh gingerbread icing is jealicious.
I was so proud to display this. Where we failed was the icing foundation which we (Bunny) did not lay. It’s ok, we had fun and now it looks like a Ke$ha disaster which was the goal anyway. See how I shaved that yellow/caramel to size? I am the best.
That’s my boy face, I look like my teenager dad. YAY! Hi Bunny! Everyone is in love with her, all my dopey internet guy friends make dumb comments every time a new/diff girl is on my blog it’s funny how stupid they are I love it. Thanks internet for bringing us altogether. Though I think it’s supposed to be all together, altogether now is from that one part in the Beatles song altogether now? OMG! STOP RAMBLING!
Allen’s leftovers. I am a genius.
Blog treats! Kind of disgusting but not when the booze magic starts to work.
First attempt. I wanted to do whip-its but we didn’t, I have never done whip-its before I think 28 is a good age to start, right? Hello? See that crack? First mistake, how did that happen again? Luckily I intelligently chose brown icing instead of hot purple and pink to be more aesthetically matchy. I got to flex my extensive caulk knowledge too.
But how will we get sparkles on it if it’s put together, and it’ll collapse if we hold it on its side so we all chose two walls or a roof piece and went to town. I made greyhounds and forgot about dinner which is probably another factor in gingerbread house failure, drinking on the job on an empty stomach while vacuuming during the almighty important instructions part. Which are in Swedish probably and Bunny got icing all over cos she was testing out the ease of use or whatever of the tubes. When we tired of our project I made us green bean poutine.
Very nice to look at and design geek groupie fetish approved.
Look at Bunny’s little finger heart tattoo, so cute.
Hot nails too. Haha see the dog?
Oh don’t worry I criticized the hell out of that candy corn catastrophe over there. We had to cover up someone’s swastika too.
I ate that pink heart when it all went to shit. It was delicious and got me pumped for New Moon HI DO YOU LIKE THE NEW DIRECTION OF MY BLOG NOW TEENAGER FRIENDLY? Or am I a mommy blogger now that I have crafts and activities again? They can relate to me cos everything seen here is some dumb thing they’d do with their kid? Except with less booze.
Like I said my phone has a been a pill. SUGH-IGH.
Pfft. Bunny has ones on her phone she’ll send later. Not like I am sitting here waiting on them or anything, I am trying to figure out the course of my evening, from outfit to how I am going to seamlessly hook up with the girls at the Old Mill with no luggage or who knows where they’ll be and I have band practise tomorrow at noon and if I know my mom she’ll be rocking a heavy champagne hangover about then and could give two fucks about my needing to be back downtown stat. I’ll tell Lois, she’ll make it happen. If they want to party with me they have to acquiesce to my needs. There now I am way less stressed out haha thank you for helping me sort myself out there. We’ll worry about outfit later.
I was SO PROUD of my big globby blue window facade and my candy corn spikes? Birds can just legit fuck off my roof AND DIE.
The yellow sparkles on white icing looked like piss snow and had this all gone right I’d have made a trail of piss snow surrounding the house. This is LITERALLY a broken gingerbread house of dreams. HO HO HO!
I just love looking at this, if it makes me a simpleton then so be it.
Then my roof piece got better. Teacher did a Van Gogh on his which to me looked like dog shit but whatever (I am still angry at him for being a stick in the mud last night during this).
Sparkles hurt when they are dug deep in to your skin as a head’s up when you press your house together haha.
See his painting down there? Not horrible but not, not awful either. Who do you think made the swastika in the first place? (to be fair he’s a history teacher in the middle of WWII but like I can blog that?)
Remember that scene in xmas vacation where the two mother in laws are decorating the gingerbread house one is smoking and the old men are snoring? That was us. It was funny. Being a “grown-up” is a joke.
No face Raymeh, not bad! This is casual Raymi HAah.
BECAUSE THIS WAS GOING ON! I would have put more sparkles on those dots, TEACHER.
I thought taking it to the living room would make for a better picture plus Bunny’s foot?
And a very indie Christmas to you too.
Well I am glad I at least capture this before it was bulldozed.
What it looked like after collapse AFTER I overturned the decorated sides, ugh.
And now it looks like this Flinstones My Little Pony house.
The roof is now a wall. I feel like a cupcake now.
Are you ready to sign the rental agreement? Hey it looks like Adventurehouse!
And this morning, still hideous.
But I kind of love it.
The pink caramel log thing is covering up that inappropriate thing Teacher drew.
Ok here you go dorks, this is called PLAYING THE GAME MOVEMBER STYLES.
Didja get yer adequate Raymeh dose today?
This was the night Susan Sarandon told me to go fuck myself silently with her eyes. It was because I had the audacity to arrive to her party in this dress.
Oh bitch please. Heh. Darius how was Spin when you went last week? Did you drink EVERYTHIIIING?
Even the guy on tv is supporting the cause, tho Rick’s facial hair support is all backward. Apparently there’s a moustache party tonight at Clinton’s. Hmm. Sounds like trouble.
But trouble is my job!
Ya k’yant catch me I’m the gingabread gal.
Just thinkin’ of ma thoughts. There’s plenty.
This was after a couch hang with other leaving their swanky Thompson condo, after a dinner sake hang in-where i talked about Susan Sarandon incessantly, after a pinball hang. Whirlwind evening. Getting in to my cab at the end of all of it was hilarious at 4 in the morning, scary. Yes this is my cab who the hell else would appear out of a tiny side street alley RIGHT HERE knowing that a cab would be parked, waiting. I about lost my mind on the guy. I dunno what name they gave you I want to GO HOME! He calls the switchboard, they confirm it and I stare at the back of his head and rearview mirror, fuming and sparkling. HAHAHA.
I guess Breakfast Club what’s-his-face guy started on his movember early, what a keener, speaking of, she was at this party too! BYE BYE the candles are lit for our hello kitty gingerbread vigil now standby for reports that won’t come in.
++++
I am going to Jay-Z and Kanye West tomorrow night (putting jay-z first will make Kanye _JUST_SCREAM_ I bet) and this is why I never announce anything on facebook ever:
Raymi Lauren White
Kanye and Jay-Z TOMO!!
Like · · Unfollow Post · Reshare · about an hour ago
Crystal Santaw likes this.
Emily Muse Me too! Yay!
Tracey White did you forget Lois and I are coming and the Old Mill? tickets?
Becca Lemire so jeals
Raymi Lauren White uh yes i forgot
Raymi Lauren White ill catch up to/with you
Tracey White well did you get us tickets then?
Tracey White we can rock the Kayne/JayZ
Rebecca Lawton jealous!
Raymi Lauren White no one ticket only
Raymi Lauren White are you guys staying over?
Becca Lemire hide me under your coat?
Steven Dueck RAAAYYYYMEEEE lololol
Tracey White yes we were invited to stay at the Old mill with Steph. Can you make two tickets magically appear please???
Raymi Lauren White NO
Raymi Lauren White now stop blowin up my phone mom
Tracey White this is insanely unacceptable, how can you do this when we come with presents?
Tracey White And a free room wth jumping beds at the Old Mill?
Raymi Lauren White i will meet you after STOP IT
Tracey White any chance of tickets or are we too cougar old?
Raymi Lauren White no you’re just a cheapskate.
Rebecca Lawton I love watching the mom and daughter show.
Tracey White How can you say that, i got you your own bed at the Old Mill tomorrow night , you scratch my back, I scratch yours, out of love of course:)
Tracey White not sleeping with you again either, you toss and turn like a horse
Raymi Lauren White mom a friend is taking me to the concert
Raymi Lauren White bechnique do not encourage lol
Rebecca Lawton im mildly entertained…lol
Tracey White yes, but my friend is taking you to the Old Mill and we have a gift certficate for the keg tonight, what do you say to that?
Tracey White tell your friend we will dance for tickets!!
Raymi Lauren White I say that you are getting on my nerves and I will see you tomorrow when my ass is dropped off wherever you cougs are
Tracey White what time do you think that will be exactly?
I imagine this is how Kelly Ripa works out too. I LOVE HER!
Interview Question: Would you say that you are ambitious?
Long silence then intake of breath because I had a LOT to say.
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LOOK IT’S ROB PATTINSON!! I met him a few years ago when he was staying on tofino island (my ex’s stepsis knew about this) and he came to the gibson juno party we had, Tyler Stewart was there too hey buddy! Anyway, if I had played my cards right and wasn’t engaged at the time I am confident I would and could have said something horrendously perverse that might impress him and like 9/11, my life would be forever changed. Again. Whatever you tell me why you read this stupid fucking blog then. haha. OOH I FOUND THE TWILIGHT POST message to the crazies where I waved the white flag. LOL.
“I DO NOT CARE ABOUT HIM OR TWILIGHT I WILL NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT HIM OR THE MOVIE EVER FUCKING AGAIN ON MY “BIG DEAL CANADIAN BLOG” THAT YOU NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE BECAUSE YOU ARE HEADS UP YOUR ASSES OBSESSED WITH STUPID THINGS LIKE VAMPIRE MOVIES I LIKED THE FIRST TIME AROUND WHEN IT WAS CALLED THE LOST BOYS.”
I am never a deserter, rarely so, and this was one of the times where I trashed a post. One of my tips about being internet famous is, if you’ve got something to say, stand by it and back it up. Be controversial, but in this case I was not prepared for the lunacy of #twihards. Teacher told me it’s pretty good though holding out on not seeing Twilight ever for over 4 years. I met a dude when I was 18 who was my friend for awhile when I interned at a magazine downtown for my high school co-op placement, he was in the Knights of Columbus (he had the ring and everything, or it was the FreeMasons if I saw their emblem I could place it) he looked like a conducter with long curly hair and had an internet indian name as an alter ego for his email account, Rajiv something (I know right and I am not even making this up, I have loads of ridiculous stories like these) and he was a vegetarian, anyway the point of this is he never heard of Britney Spears and it straight BLEW MA MIND like, what. O_O he didn’t have a tv either and his slow computer was dial-up and I was like how can you live like this? No furniture too so we would always sit on the floor and he had a best buddy who ALSO had looong blond flowing hair and I was like, who are you people? Meh it was Cabbagetown but anyway, I guess guys who get in to funny old man cults aggressively avoid pop culture and so I guess I turned in to my friend Garth (actual names YES) and turned my back on a big fluke of popular culture like Twilight. Bowing, the end, where is my medal?
I’ll take my didn’t hit it rage out on the gingerbread house now.
We’re all still v happy about the rug here. Rug town.
Post dinner drunk celebratory gingerbread house grocery shop. I love dancing and buying retarded shit in my finest, don’t you?
I don’t wear this jacket much so when I do I make damn sure to capture it, Tyra Banks now owns one too, after Kate Middleton bited me, who is next? Half of my tv interview last night was me talking about my stupid fucking jacket omfg what an idiot I couldn’t stop myself I either blew it hard or slam dunked hail mary hallelujah swished it. Lulz. Cramming your entire life in to ten minutes, when ALL of it is insane material makes you motor mouth like the micro-machine man except It’s Charlie Sheen talking in the vessel of Courtney Love (one of the interviewers said that, sigh). Kids, if you haven’t been paying attention regarding hype and larger than lifeness in blogging and you aren’t bringing it, I’d close your blogs down now. No one’s reading it. They’re all reading insane things or not reading at all, they’re tumbling at 95 miles per hour ADHD super street wicked cool perverse pop culture things. Or Facebooking kids to death (last year’s Simpson’s Xmas show quote). Sorry I don’t know why this is turning out like the Editor’s letter in an insane asylum magazine, but there it is. Ditva Von Teese shops in heels and hosiery all the time apparently. TO THE NINES GALS! Older Libvillian broads were looking me up and down deliciously, jealiciously. This is the most expensive jacket I have ever bought on Holt Renfrew’s dime by way of Crystal Light. When Stacey Mckenzie saw me walk in she goes, is that a SMYTHE blazer? Like it was important? I should have said hi when I jogged passed her two days ago, I am a shy loser.
Good omen.
Bunny Angora is coming over to collect her strippin’ money and I said if she wasn’t in a hurry she could help me make this. EXCELLENT! I kind of want to combine all this together like a Pee Wee Herman nightmare but I don’t think it would work out plus we ate half the candy last night on the couch ha ha. The train is for my dad so we’ll see how that turns out. I need a fancy plate.
Were already in the eastish end so went further to the Danforth to Allen’s and I thought I was hallucinating when I saw that blackened potato salad wasn’t on the menu, but it was, phewf. I never allow myself to have potato so this was a special treat. I want this recipe. Also had capon wings. It was pouring rain and cozy back there, Teacher’s shirt matched the table cloth. Baha.
And the green room was totally green, were they being comedians there or what?
Gay date man bar. And older than fifties book club maybe secret lesbians (that part I made up cos I saw one woman doing googoo eyes hilariously to this one little bird of a woman with her, over wine) I know it’s a gay man bar cos this one smokin’ hot couple that I aligned myself with so that I could have a staring contest with one of the guys did not look at me once but SO at Teacher.
ps. that’s on mad rotate right now. Blog title lyric comes from this song. I just love her.
We used the stir sticks from our drinks and pretended we were wizards making up Harry Potterish words, then I wore my black scarf like a cape and with my stupid owl shirt and the candle, it really pushed it over the edge then Teacher said I was embarrassing myself and I pretended to give a fuck. Embarrassing? I am Raymiing out over here dude. Then we got on the DVP in the wrong way and had to drive north for a bit, in the downpour, it was comical despite rage-inducing turned right around back again at the Danforth and all over again start the treck back to our neck of the woods. HEhehh. We might both be getting sick too. I probably have rickets.
Like I said I make sure to capture this jacket. In vanity bulbs no less.
Didn’t know what to expect so I youthened it up by culling from my dressing-hipster-by-numbers emergency accessory kit: suspenders. They actually keep my pants up! I do not like belts.
I like whips. Equestrian whips. Dominatrix allusions, from belt to whips. Follow along now.
Posin’ by a flower is WHAT RAYMI WOULD DO in a situation like this. I had to blast my nerves away. Just give them the Raymi. Ha.
My Little Pony is one of my style inspirations. Now that my roots are coming in I wear my hair down everyday til they’re done so I look like a Fabio Unicorn.
The battle is never won.
My phone is acting up maybe because I email myself too many pictures? Ha. So that’s all for now folks. What’s up?
Tequila Taco night at the Drake, Ivy Knight hosts this thing called #86d on Mondays which is industry night, a thing invented to get people out on dead nights to bars and people who work in “the industry” help push this concept and you feel left out if you don’t join in. Foodie world is just as reliant on smoke and mirrors as heavily as twitter is holy christ I accidentally hit two parties of both offending scenes last night and it’s amazing how being right makes you feel like a Deity (something else we were also talking about last night cos I thought they were playing a Cleopatra movie) and throw twitter in to that mix, bullshit expressway supreme. I like the foodie scene a lot better obvi cos it’s old school and posh like me.
You got a free poster with your shots tacos and we were given some viplease treatment because I am a foodie type person and emotionally blackmail people to get my way, you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I taught myself a valuable lesson once, write a letter of complaint instead of flipping out and then blogging it. Say nothing, calmly remove yourself, diplomatically the next day, write the best letter ever. I wasn’t even trying to be a smooth operator this time around though, maybe my halo was just showing?
I am also getting hotter by the day and it is making Teacher cuckoo bananas. I’m not a person I’m a business get over it!
As far as I am concerned this is my last chance. I think that every day. My mom said one of the girls in her crew was such a perfectionist neurotic she ran up and down the hill back and forth on their hike waiting for Lois to come down. I totally would have done that! I have dance videos in my three piece lingerie sets for fuck sakes, how badly do I want it? Bad.
As I was coming down the stairs I announced before I made it in to the living room, now, not to alarm you or anything but, I look SMOKIN’ HOT RIGHT NOW.” he was on the veleveteen couch and his eyes turned in to pinned out psycho rage suppressing red eye and he tossed imaginary chairs and boulders violently around him. Heh.
On our first date I said I was going to get a lot hotter and he said he was fine with that. He repeats that a lot at work to his horny buddies I am like a cartoon show Teacher watches on the weekends, one old guy was like, well I know you had a good weekend, how was it? and Teacher gives him this look and the guy’s face melts off like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. He likes the extra attention and everyone says he’s changed, a lot nicer. I’d be a crabby teacher too if I was POF date hungover all the time in Philosophy, do you know how much I’d trash on men? Girls, now let me tell you something about men. LOL.
Now I don’t care if you think I am being conceited right now cos I’m not, based on what society’s criteria of beauty is and celebrity, if you just play that game and go by those simple f-ing rules I dunno, maybe be a little funny about it too and self aware, oh look, my rippling 6 pack looks gorgeous today (skinny tip, brush bronzer on the contours of your stomach definition to make you look more chiseled not that I ever do this or anything haha only for burlesque performances) and make it like a girl club. I just know that when I am happy of looks I am happy mentally and as a born depressed person I much prefer the happy days and so I will climb an apparatus that is several stories tall or walk on the CN Tower, run like a maniac through the cold winter streets with the dog (Oh that’s right I saw Stacey Mckenzie yesterday on Queen) then dammit I will do it if it brings me that much closer to my goal.
6 extra oysters on the house is an accomplishment to me. Then I had to eat the majority of them because Courtney thinks she’s allergic and Teach isn’t super in to the seafood. Only mine. Ew gross sorry!
And like one of my cats here, he brought me my first Christmas treat. Bunny and I are talking about our xmas show I am so happy to dance with her at the Bovine finally. She has amazing big production ideas and is just as insane and in to Christmas as me we want a Santa Claus for photos and other hi-jinx. Settling on a date soon. Prob second Saturday of December?
Hi Ivy. Knew I should have brought a real camera, Drake lighting is so dark. Not cell phone conducive at all.
Courtney is single again and hotter in her hot mess state, go Courtney! Plus you’ll get to be my friend too for a little bit until you get burrowed in her fox den.
I went running like this w/o any socks on and was running and thinking where can I get a pair of socks for ten dollars cos that’s all I stuffed in my jacket and my fingers turned white (bad circulation). I did it though. I felt really good afterward. Running clears my head and makes me look like a p0rn star. I could tell all the chicks walking were jealous they weren’t running in their favourite hipster slob outfits too and the boys, don’t even get me started y’all.
Hey guess what? Shut up I don’t care.
Ah yes yes dahhling, wonderful party.
This “Raymi” person should try to get by on something other than her looks. Just checked out her blog, and she’s a real horse-face.
Oh that’s right I made a funny cheesy social media holiday guide video in this lame dress.
A blogger is never at rest. Rest is for chumps.
All this exercise and “being good” is boooooring me.
Big tree fall down, goat bite de leaf. Ginger beer wisdoms.
Doot dee doo.
Time for MORE exercise and teeth whitening. PEACE!
