Hala y’all!

This room looks so much more suburban now. I likey.

Where are your feets?

Line-up outside and I don’t care.

Exactly!

On Saturday we had less than five minutes to make it before brunch was over at the Gladstone, my doc marten shoe became completely untied, it was freezing and we had to get by this which was terrifying because obviously if any Mr. Bean-like construction accident were to occur it would exclusively happen as I should happen to walk by. We made it to brunch in the nick of time and were home again in under an hour.

I love our waitress, she’s served us before in the other room. So efficient and courteous, I adore good service. I’m a foodie, it’s vital. Speaking of I haven’t eaten all day and should probably start getting ready for going out. Monday is my Sunday.

CN Tower Christmas. Can you imagine walking on that at night? I’d do it!

Can’t get over these cards, YES double-sided gold, who would give a shit if it was just gold-topped? Yeah hi your present I found in the common area dorm lounge, don’t thank me all at once now. Def need to get my own deck.

Sick right? My brother was like, yeah, DISGUSTING. Dad was like, EYE-ROLL! Never growing up ever.

And now I give you, classic dude party. Dudes at a party (yes there were chicks there too).

Were they talking about a) basketball b) their band c) an obscure musician everyone apparently knew about or really acted like they did or d) all of the above?

More dudeisms. How to be a dude at a party, practise saying in the mirror, “Hey, wanna go out for a: smoke and/or dart? (take your pick they will know what you mean).

Ugh apparently no one can figure out the ancient modern day wisdoms of blackberry cellphonular technology maybe we can find a 14 year old to teach my friends how to take pictures with it cos obvi my instructions are in Latin THE DEAD LANGUAGE.

How to navigate the dude gauntlet at the party when you are just going for a pee or a drink but want to keep talking about girl stuff with your friend on the balcony: speed shuffle through while crouching and ask one guy to state the differences between American and Canadian football while looking at a different dude and making a really confused face then split.

Nathan and Heidi’s place is amazing.

I look teeny. He’s 6′ 2. I’m slouching for the sake of coolness. I’m 5’9.

Why am I dressed like a Sabrina the teenage witch episode?

I wore this shirt as a joke and it backfired because everyone loved it! Yay Lois you made me cool!

Nathan and Rudy. Rudy is a Jack Russell (yeah right)(ok he is) Pug mix. A jug. He looks like a demon from adorable hell and doesn’t like me as much as he should cos I smell like Stella and only ever see him when there’s a party and dogs are party nervous people typically. I call dogs and cats people because I am funny. Lady Garbage will be doing something stupid and I’ll go, she is the WORST person that I have EVER met and everybody laughs. (please credit my jokes okthxbai).

Yay they smoked outside for once. A pregnant chick was there earlier, it wasn’t for me even though I acted like it was and enjoyed it immensely.

Ok attention deficient pals, if you hold out to the end (40 seconds!) you will snicker. I can’t believe I forgot how to play one of the 4 piano songs I know. I sure as shit ain’t no Jerry Lee lewis but you can hear how I sing AC/DC (try track 2 or 3, don’t waste your time on 1) the girls sound excellent on their instruments I say.

Back with more soon even though it’s hard to blog after-dark and I want to watch the rest of Eclipse in my long johns.

Teacher bought me this Sunday as an olive branch even though we so weren’t done fighting yet. Dating me is better than a roller coaster, it’s the whole theme park! Ps. I landed the audition thing I had last week.

I need more hoodies, not this one. Well this one in barbie pink. When your hair is white you can dress like a barbie doll.

A guy walked by these balloons dressed in the same colours and I wanted to ask him to pose by them but he looked “too cool” “for school” which actually means he looked like a try hard and would have been snotty even though I would have “made” him. You are never too cool for crap-o-blog kay?

Nathan is a good painter, his piece is behind the couch here, we’re going to be re-arranging the art soon on the walls. Good to change it up.

I was going to take a picture of when we left what I looked like to capture the degree of skanky-degeneration but I was too tired by that point and took a mental snap instead, you can see how I looked in the raymi the ripper blood graffiti video.

Heidi LOVES Elvis. I love when people have a “thing”. Elvis stuff is everywhere, his army dog tag numbers are featured in Nathan’s painting above our couch. Neat.

Waitin’ for the loo.

DUDE PORTRAIT.

The dudes are over it.

Would it kill you to take one un-blurry picture of me? Do you know how hot I look here? BARELY and why is that? Cos it looks like you took this from a dune buggy flying over jumps.

Caterpillar cat knows all sees all. She has a nose freckle too.

She also hides behind the mirror I rest against this table, there is like, no space there. It’s funny and depressing.

Teacher is her favourite, L. Garbage and Stella are on Team Raymi.

We packed our stuff and hit the road for my dad’s.

Ragdoll.

It was like we never left the house. Me and this girl on the other couch way on the opposite end of the room, smiled and stared openly at each other, unapologetically. I love people, I don’t want to say “people watching” cos it’s such a common term and I like to think I study rather than watch, but not in a psycho way. I like to make up assumptions and test my theories by meal’s end and I am usually right.

Time for food!

So, I’ve successfully been more interesting than you for 11 years now, how’s it feel?

From this, to..

This. In seconds. (or hours of waiting all day long, whatevs) #dirtbag #princess #genius.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG DAD BLOG DAD DAD! DAD! LOVE YOU!

Going back to take pics in the day or bring a real camera with flash, these pics are crap. It was really late, or early, so the lighting wasn’t on my side but it’s always dark under that bridge anyway. How wasted do I sound, keepin’ it together madmen styles haha.

portrait of the artist.

There’s a lot of it, I sloshed it up there 6 times or so and not even that much, it was the bitter end of the bottle. This just in, paint drips! Hello gravity.

+++

Broken Heel Diaries Woman: Raymi the Minx!

I want to be remembered for… Dying happy. Satisfied by my life and achievements. Getting to that thatched roof cottage in Ireland.

Beauty is… Cate Blanchett. Classic. Royalty. Status. Inner beauty, deep, graceful. Touching. Artistic. Silk, cream, pearls, swans, soft forest floors, moss, sunbeams in dew etc.

Read the rest here. Thanks guys and HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG!

WHEN I CAN MAKE MY OWN! I’m the interesting one here, no offense friends but normally at the party I’ve cut you off by now and am talking about my crazy week don’t trick me with this hangover o_O of mine now, nice try.

Ok I am going to treat my blog like twitter for the next hour and every inane thought I would normally tweet, I’ll blog. This is how I used to blog anyway, before twitter was around back when I was less of a pisstank. I’ve already let a few genius ones slip by on to twitter, like:

if i order poached eggs will they explode on the way, do poached eggs travel well? how far has a poached egg ever traveled before?

Always question the universe, friends.

Too bad Teacher was ordering off the Gladstone CAFE’s website not the hotel, no wonder there’s all these menu item limitations, a bagel, no toast? And why isn’t the Gladstone’s breakfast sandwich on it, oh, cos it’s not the same restaurant dumbass! Ha.

I should write a christmas song to the tune of silver and gold but called RAY-MI Lau-Ren. Try it. Works.

See how crazy you look when it’s not in a twitter status update timeline?

Btw we almost went to semi-formal last night (he said) ha ha right nerd keener prom maybe invite me to full-casual instead

Are you team Fanning or team Olsen?

Popped in to Magic Pony yesterday I wish I bought that birthday card for my dad. Can’t find it on the site but I have wanted this print since 2004. Sigh.

And these next gems would be drunk party tweets.

I like party judgments from the internet

someone is getting a massive lesson in pan soaking when they get back from the store on our way to the party right up to dinging the bell.

If you don’t want me to pronounce it cache then why is there a fucking e on it

You’d not know these were doll house sized, right?

I went out like a skid rat yesterday. I cleaned my act up come nightfall.

Oysters everywhere!

Teacher said he was at this show at Maple Leaf gardens I said I wanted proof, evidence, a ticket stub, and he just looked at me. What-ever I’ve heard many a Nirvana tall tale, dude was gone before we even had a chance to have him. Like Jeff Buckley.

Stoked for next practise, that’s Carole. She is a sweetheart.

Natalie is a our new youngblood gem courtesy of Tyler. I blew New Ghost’s (band) minds away last night about how one drummer left and gave us one in his stead they were like WHAT!? Usually when a drummer leaves it’s on some Lars fuckin’ Ulrich dramatic kind of level, but anyway, it’s our goal to join BNL on their next cruise gig #dream. But before that, probably a show at Bovine in between my burlesque solos haha. Cool right? I’ve always wanted a variety show (I would die to be on SNL).

That’s one greasy party statue. Our bassist, Nicole is in the post below. Check these names do you know how hard it is for me to keep them straight? Carole, Nicole, Natalie. O_O!

Very peppy and funny and positive, I love my band! I bought the .com domain SEXIST TEXAS and the twitter handle too @sexisttexas follow us you idiots.

When I wave to “my friend” or talk to her I have to wave rather cos her pupils are blown out in opposite directions, I think when she came in on the turnip truck they dropped her on her head. She is the best look at her freaky dwarf little tail, she is kind of small actually, dwarfish.

Or, blogger’s voice rather. MINE IS YELLY!

I’m like in Elf purgatory.

That’s fine I enjoy loafing around anyway.

Check out this insanely flattering thing I came across yesterday, I was getting traffic from this my first 50000 website and found this post:

Readers to a blog are what fans are to a singer: $$$.

I would give a lot to be Raymi but I wouldn’t give a cent of my very awesome portfolio because a part of my portfolio is coming from people just like yourself. So it’s kind of nice to be me be. Even if I don’t have any tattoos

after is all this stuff about investments and stuff and so I commented, what do i have to do with your portfolio? lol thanks for the compliments

and her reply:

I wasn’t expecting the “Raymi” here! WOW

I get very humbled when someone strokes my ego like so, did you see that blog? She has 50,000 dollars and sees me as a role model? I like when women get along and encourage one another, bring each other up, it’s so Lilith Fair and reminds me of Blogher kum-bay-fuckin-ya. The older I get the less bullshit I take, the less insecure, if things bother me I deal with them NOW. Oh what’s this passive aggression? I cut you down to pieces. But I don’t like doing this. Some friends I know obsess and fester, that is not the way to enjoy your life brah. What am I even rambling about now we are starving I have to wrap this up soon.

I was in the shower and I repeated to myself, I have kitten eyes? YES! FANTASTIC! It takes someone else looking at you to tell you what’s up from a fresh perspective. I look in my archives at some truly hideous fat and naked photos of myself that, I can’t believe none of my friends even attempted to tell me to take down. Just a few, not all, but I guess it’s no one’s place to say that to me and they would probably be terrified. Only haters will tell you you’re a cow. Meh, me on a bad day is still better than their best.

This is the interior of a cafe in Rayne’s Park, it was my last day in England, I called my friend’s/family from a pay phone with those weird coins and said I wasn’t coming back for dinner (they had planned a dinner for me, I am a prick) I wanted to get laid, basically. And that I did.

I spent 60 pounds at this place. At that time, 60 was $120 and because it seemed like everything was cheap when it was like 1 or 2 pounds for a drink, you really spent your money there like it was pennies. I was flat broke when I got home. When I finished getting day time drunk at that cafe, I went to where I was staying, the girl was out, I changed got slutty then headed for rayne’s park tavern, alone. Impressing these two hot enough dudes down the green velvet bench from me with ordering 4 rounds of drinks at a time (seriously Nicolas Cage much?) I was 18 and, no 17, and last call was 11 which is EARLY so you have to order copious amounts or start drinking earlier which is what they do there and how they function as a country I do not know. Their pub food is complete crap too.

It’s a nothing suburban typical town, bordering Wimbledon and London, the absolute last subway stop actually I had to get the tram link to the subway and I am mashing what I did the last 3 days and confusing it all in to one day of activities, on my last day I went to the Tate then came back and got dressed and went to the pub and got laid, the day before was spent being a loner in this cafe I can’t remember what I did at night.

I sure as hell didn’t look as hot as this at the time though.

I have drawings of the dudes I entertained for the evening in this journal too. The one guy who looked like Robbie Williams once I was drunk enough would not accept that I was leaving the very next day, he had fallen in love. Right. Change your flight he begged. Fine you pay for it then, no? Exactly. Peace. My parents had sent me there to stay out of trouble, ha, ha ha.

Anyway, that was the last 2 weeks, the first part of my time there was in London, Knighstbridge and then Oxford. Blabbity blah shut up.

I was reading Prozac Nation at the time, a depressed author soul sister, I’ve never been as depressed where I am like virgin suicides on the rug for weeks in a row and can’t get up but I definitely am a born cynic, who are often sad because they are burdened with the worries of the world.

I get by though, I am holding on to this stupid hope that I am special and have a bright future and all that self-deluding bullshit that helps you get through your life, I’m an optimistic cynic. NO YOU’RE AN OXYMORON!

Gah gotta go eat brunch before it’s over they do not wait for degenerates and I am not in the mood for a club sandwich FT!

Check my tumblr for highlights of crap I wanted to post again today but I sat here for forever waiting for the durex reel to download and it still hasn’t and then I ran out of steam. I accidentally recorded a fight we had that’s kind of funny though in the interim. Had a great day, jammed with sexist texas, walked home in the sun after lunch at Shanghai, bought my dad a bday gift and now I will repaint my vessel for another night on the town. Never ends does it?

In the year 2000 at 11:28pm, genius happened.

Bathing is such a waste of time wahh!