Hello Dearies!

Number one Little Raymi got me a sexy (christmas?) scientist outfit yay! Now I can do another Tim Burton masterpiece.

Tree in the morning sun today. I love it. My new friend. Move over cats.

And dog cat.

After Bunny Angora left, and we had a flat crust philly cheesesteak pizza, and didn’t find it satisfying enough so we ordered it again as the reg crust and it is gooier and I hated myself well kind of, I danced it off a lot. I had pizza at MTV yesterday too. ugh NO MORE.

I had almost half. I just go man, I don’t know how I put all this away, I am good at hiding and balancing it and restricting. I had a tidal wave of emotions in the green room and every time i put a square of pizza in my mouth I felt better. You do get crabby and insane when you don’t eat. It’s classic calming tv trick, pizza will come it becomes everyone’s mantra, you look at each other with vacant eyes from the couch and mouth pizza O_O. Then it comes and you have 4 pieces. I will look like a denim nicki minaj cupcake I bet. Did I spell her name right? Man she is fun to look at and google.

Here’s something I should have said when they pulled up a video or two of mine and said they were mundane. Oh really? because What I actually see happening here is a girl rehearsing for her burlesque showcase which she worked hard and diligently on (whilst juggling many other projects) all month long and it’s her final run-through before leaving for the venue. That’s not very mundane at all actually. Heh. I laid in bed all night going over everything, Teacher was like your mind is racing I know you. They asked what I would say next when I got home or blogged I said I would probably wait and see until the episode airs and then play the game accordingly I dunno. They got me good though. I can’t even make any more comments even just ones that seem mundane as they will give it away, like how I dressed and what angle they are definitely painting me as.

I remembered some brilliance from my interview with Ramona but then I lost it again. Both these things will be airing in January and yes I will give you long advance notice.

One outfit option. This is like my Keg uniform No I do not work at the Keg. Mom, Lois, girls, Keg Holiday jam? YAH!

They need to sleep in the mornings, so lazy, I get up and they are like just chill dude please catch you at lunch.

She’s SO CUTE. A dwarf and, retarded. My two favourite things! You didn’t know? Lucky doing my makeup was like everyone who works here is part retarded and I said that’s perfect because I am FULL retarded.

Penguin!

My hair has moved in to the “long” category now. I am going to start getting super super prissier about it, hang tight dudes. The monster plan is coming to fruition. Remember me with long black hair? Mermaids have all the power. Mermaids who look like p0rn stars who half of everyone thinks is crazy or stupid so they write off all the while my rank and traffic rises. Susie Marbles who?

Oh my god crazy sirens right meow. Lots lately in PDale.

Normally I go to Holts and take 50 pics of their store front xmas display get wasted at Hemingways and call it a day, this will have to suffice for now. iLazy. iCrazy. Ha no crazy busy.

It’s christmas in there too and still have to put that shelf up. We all lazy.

Minxes like: cheese, meat, eating as fast as hyenas and laughing at you as such.

Seen here in their natural environment, domestic molestic interiors. Do not disturb while at play unless you have come armed. You will not win, this is what we are doing until we are finished.

I need to start photoshopping myself. Or get eyebag surgery. How much does it cost? Find me a sponsor kay daddy? It will be blogged.

This hat will not be a regular thing.

Who is coming to the xmas show dec 18? I’m going to google xmas pin ups for the poster.

Brunch time now, ooh going to my fav Boom location and they have wifi now eeh! Poached eggs here I come. Don’t I look like a crazy wizard spaceship commander here? Say yes it feels so good.

…and how do you feel about that Raymi?” “I dunno Ramona, how do you think I feel about that?” lol.

Steph look I’m doing your shrug.

And I was staring in to this perfect angel being like Alison from ANTM holy fuck lost in those eyes and her scarf, I knew what she was up to with that thing you can’t get anything over ol Raymi nice try Diane Sawyer. Hehh. She liked my vest. I bet Susan Sarandon would fizzle up and die if she looked in to that flawless tv face. Right? (Susan come on this has gone on long enough please let me feature your ping pong ball bar on my blog I love your drink menu).

I really had to look at some japanese kitschy shit.

I sat in plenty awkward positions to have spinal variety, I came in like a lamb out like a demented lion. Ramona was shocked by my shyness when I arrived and they were rolling. I was like what? Of course! I am terrified right now. You wait for these moments forever and they happen and then you freak out. It’s normal.

That necklace was not co-operating and my gf said not to wear any of my hello shitty junk tonight on mtv baha. Fine.

Honestly my mind is wiped of all I said here today couldn’t tell you a thing. Oh I talked about jealousy Traps. It’s funny when your jokes become blog law referenced. Oh yeah that, clearing throat prepping for some studious bullcrap I am about to deliver, which is funny cos apparently I come across dumb when I use eloquent long ass words everyday all day I am well spoken, thoughtful and poignant. I hate that the hot or slutty girl gets trashed on for it and circled out for “being dumb” what? I AM A FUCKING GENIUS. Do I need to take a picture of my Valedictorian plaque again? Have you seen that I have won over ten first place blog awards in my time. I am grandfathered out they won’t let me compete anymore cos they think it’s unfair.

Anyway. #Awkward.

It smelled like pee in there. I hoofed it up and down the stairs like a champ.

A dude (maybe crazy maybe not) said I looked really beautiful and came back again for another lap look-see. I was being filmed and colleague was taking these and the sheepdogs thing bah too much, it worked, but yes the point of this anecdote is I like it when strangers compliment each other. I do it all the time, spread the joy. Of my pretty. I am old guy bait don’t worry girls no reason to be threatened.

See the sheepdog guy, perfect timing, too bad I had lost the ability to speak by that point and he’s like who am I waving to, for what? I should have said BATMAN!

Had a wicked hair day.

Double point, that must have been something sublime.

Stalker shot. They wanted B roll. After my public washroom piss I texted Jefferson, “Show time.” They were disappointed I didn’t roll in with colleague photographing me. Truth is we were late and I was triple taking each escalator like a maniac and outran the codger. I bet they will be studying my blog and go, now, the subject, after the interview, headed home, and there, she, blogged. I can’t tell if this is funny I’m just jacked and unwinding I have been a talking mental case all day long. It all went well I am pleased.

The MTV thing totally destroyed me which I expected I mean, it was a judgment panel right? Lets be honest here. Of the other two I talked the most, of course. It got catty and I was defensive, but chill too and they said a lot of positive stuff as well. It’s TV baby and I coined a new term in the green room HOW THEY GONNA KNOW IF YOU DON’T SHOW? They said my videos are mundane. Lauren O was like I am not saying that re: whatever they were saying in her ear so I am dying to know whatever that is and of course the twittersphere will be glued to this genius shit. I knew I should have worn my burlesque heels cos they asked me to dance. Ok no more spoilers back to a more civilized manner of broadcast style?

Always exit waving like my Nana who thinks she is the Queen. Our fingers naturally fall into the rock on fingers cos of our curved genetic fingers, so there are bad ass pics of Nana from the 80’s and I am like why is she doing Devil Horns out of that Cadillac for? Also at my Uncle’s wedding in another photo. Unintentional. Yes, this is how all my stories are: completely directionless.

Only supposed to be a quickie night cap post but I got lost in these YDS ones.

On the phone with, you guessed it, M-T-V what a smug prick face right? UGH. OK It’s late it’s fire tree focus rug time! Nope bed!

Watching Home Alone. Ordering second pizza from dominoes. Stress eating! I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing out of my ass!

Ome same delivery guy just came. whatever the last one was flat crust and not satisfactory. We got bacon on this one with reg crust omfg so fat. Can’t watch Home Alone and resist the cheese pizza delivery scene.

The rest of Nana’s visit are at the bottom too. Bet you are stoked!

SO need a pedicure, but again, it matches something.

These guys are teeny.

Comes in three parts.

I went bananas when he brought this shit in.

Progress as we left it at my dad’s.

Wizard Lebowski.

And now the rest from Nana’s.

That tree is massive. I want it! Tree obsessed now.

They were in la la magical memories land, it was sweet. We had fun!

My mom was wearing an exact outfit I wore here at 18, funny. Hailey is wearing my old shirt. I styled these shots.

Nana was like now what happened to you Luhhren (we were very late) and I squeezed her very tight and said nothing nana, NOTHING AT ALL and she giggled and knew to not start with me. Ha! WiN! My mom taking this photo was like what did she say what did she say!?? So nosy and shit disturbing.

Aw I love my fam. Everyone’s chilled out over the years.

We polished off that wine with my nana and papa and she made a carrot cake from scratch. It’s a nana thing!

Dangly fake tea cakes ah my gad I die! I love beatrix potter mice make believe gingerbread house fat face candy land etc type things. obvi.

Nana said she didn’t grow because of WWII, they were rationed. Aw. #WWIIproblems. lol j/k.

They loved this dude. They like proper people manners class blabbity blah so naturally I have to sit there with my hands stuffed under my ass or squeezing my entire body together to behave omg it is tough haha.

Ooh nice one.

My mom bought this for my nana and pointed that out then I pointed out this elaborate bird in a gorgeous gild cage that I bought. It’s an I BOUGHT competition always forever the end stamped it no erasies.

Vogueing and decorating.

Three generations. GAY!

AWW!

Ok that’s it bye bye now!

I am in full on love with my hair right meow and this is a post in progress I am rushing because Burlesque practise and Bunny is (coming over) happening soon, can you blog with a monkey on your back? I am finding it increasingly harder and harder lately. Maybe I need a break? I don’t take breaks. If you break then your rank plummets. I am driven and insane, a perfectionist, and I won’t have time tomorrow to talk about myself as much here. Now lets do this. ps. this picture reminds me of Claire Danes in the Family Stone.

Stop attempting to sabotage shit that is clearly working in whining about dark haired Raymi. Dudes that was a decade ago, we have moved on to tinsel town now and long platinum locks. I look bad with short hair and I am not even going in to territory of short hair chicks vs long cos I got a lot of pals with short hair, different strokes for different folks.

This one is haunting and shitty. I used to take pictures of myself in this parking lot a few years ago (2 or 3?) and was struck by my past while sitting in the car before going to my dad’s.

My tree!

And now backlit.

Nana said I have to do her tree every year now. Ok, but I am not taking it down.

Beads always go on first, or garland.

The star wobbles around up there but is all good now. Luckily I have tin man nail polish, my toolbox is impressive. (I do not have a toolbox).

He bought it all yesterday morning, I think doing my nana and papa’s tree was the final straw in planet Christmastown whereas I have been complaining about cleaning first which will never happen. I do’t even know if we’ll have room on this tree for my decorations. That we will never remember to get from dad’s. Meh.

Stella got fed every time nana got up. She is fat and laying it on thick now that she is pure spoiled (my fault) and is walked way less cos it’s cold out and I am lazy. Overweight dog owners have an advantage over other overweight non-dog owners. If your dog is fat, you probably are too. Red fat flag.

Papa snipped these last roses out of Nana’s garden this week! Amazing. He is adorable (and Jack Kerouac’s cousin) we had a very nice visit and chat, he spoke a lot about how people have compulsions and just have to do what they’re meant to do (like Celine Dion’s career addiction) or how Frank Sinatra sang right up until he died, this convo was laced with all kinds of double meaning I just held on tight and was like, yeah, totally relate (I dream about my blog :(). Raymi Trolls always make jokes about me repeating things about England or Jack Kerouac (which is hilarious cos of the things I am most repetitive about on a day-to-day basis those two topics are least referenced or used in discussion) but it’s because there are always new readers coming here and I want to impress them, not the same old you lot who know what beneath my fingernails looks like, yeah you know it all already, here is your medal. Have you never repeated a story before?

My nana typically makes a comment about my appearance, if I look tired or fat when I’m not even remotely close to fat cos it’s more of a burn on my xs clothing and skin showing, but not this time! Prob cos I was doing a task for her.

Total british supper. Teacher was like, what is Yorkshire pudding actually? and Nana goes, it’s a british thing. Fair enough. I said I don’t eat potatoes and so he thought it was also potatoes. It’s a batter that you bake and it fluffs up into a crazy bready thing, also carbs. Meh I don’t have it every day.

I remember decorating the tree here as a kid. Sigh.

Little little Hailey the hipster has long arms like me.

Papa had all these ancient tree decorating wisdoms and tips heheh. The tree theme is peach and white and gold.

On the phone to MTV yesterday they’re like, don’t wear green. But I just got a new green shirt. Ha. I was joking, I am going to dress like a whore. This is an xs, Teacher bought me one in white too but a small, might be too bulky. Maybe I can wear this and a g-string for my solo to the grinch song. Have to start planning wardrobe. We are doing a trio to White Christmas with Pastel.

Putting up our pre-lit tree. So worth it to have it all sorted out like that, looks very clean like we stole it decorations and all from The Bay.

Aw My Friend.

With a half hour til the mall closing he went and destroyed Old Navy. My boyfriend is my stylist. Ha. Major sale, calls me and is like what do I get? I dunno! Everything in small or extra small!

I have two mangy white sweaters that I love and need dearly to replace, I only ever shop in the burbs now. Do you like all my weird routines? Me too.

If we add any more it may be too tacky but do I ever half-ass anything? I think the black sparkly ones I have will look so dope on this thing and all my dirtbag friends will be like SICK! Baha. Def having an xmas party here, maybe even new years? We’ll see what the majority rule is. Also want to go to Quebec City again! Who is in?? Teacher has school off like all Teachers do so lets give’r in MTL again.

All the pics I took of it last night kinda sucked. Mystery Camera let me down. Some are neat but only the art faggy show off ones like omg close-ups of branches call the AGO we have a trailblazer over here.

Stella is very pumped today and every day, she thinks I am a giant talking whatever food scraps I last fed her, a potato chip with arms and legs, that feta thing, but not anymore, we are restricting now. Yesterday the only extra food she got was a handful of dry cat food after we went out in the rain.

Muppet Christmas Carol is a fav of mine. I played Scrooge in the xmas play at school in grade 6 and killed it, my accent was good. As we were trying out for the play and being given random parts to read I positioned myself such that I would be given Scrooge and knew that I would get the role, my booming british rendition made some kids sneer in a why didn’t I think of that kind of way? Why would you read your part in your pre-pubescent regular dorky ass voice? You’re going to get the role of someone who points, and says nothing.

Someone is getting ballsier in their joining us on the couch.

There is a method to mix n matching nail polishes on your nails, also, pinks and green (watermelon) contrast gorgeously. Do you understand colours? Not being snotty here just wondering cos it is a skill for sure. Lots of people are colour blind or clueless. You know my green romper? Some people think it’s grey and my periwinkle thigh highs as grey ok that’s not too far a stretch but, I guess, what comes naturally to some doesn’t to others. There is a method to my madness with bold colours that mismatch but then somehow match. You tie it together with a purse and shoes, a hat. Omg I just bored myself to death.

They’re all fuzzy and too warm. The blanket is in focus. I was being too spazzy and click happy in quantity, not quality.

This is my baby light. It does the trick!

Stella is feeling the tree but perplexed cos it’s in her doggy bed corner.

Another tree trick is putting the ornaments on the interior branches, we have lots of posh dangly ones so I did that with them. It’s gorgeous I want to hug it.

Well, it does look artistic ‘cept focused on the wrong thing.

Baha. I still love it though. I did these all first, FIRST. MARTYR YES. ME.

I made a joke that how Teacher bought this place was the real estate agent was like, now, do you like Christmas? If so then do I ever have the place for you, it’s like a perfect stage for Christmas.

You cannot fit enough presents in those I need to get a bigger Hello Kittier one.

Do you think they called her Hello Kitty because she was used as a teaching aid for japanese people learning english, now, what is this on this flash card here? “Oh. Hello, Kitty!” Is this racist? Whatever.

Kiefer Sutherland can come over and dive-bomb my tree any time.

I think Hello Kitty would love our tree.

Brunch Bonanza!

I am an adult who eats brunch now, while real adults beside me drink pints because they had brunch at breakfast time.

I still can’t get over accidentally telling our burlington waitress to fuck off over email this week and having zero recollection of it (when you are a techno kid it’s ingrained to just reply to people without thinking and actually is becoming a problem, second to sleep texting) but she didn’t mind, like, at all. I just sat there stunned and mortified and then she lovingly treated us all like her children and stacked mountains of buffet goodies on our plates. My dad laughed and laughed, I think they had a show down one day themselves and she thinks my dad swore at her too. Hey lady it runs in the family. We are regulars now and the Croat owner was happy to see me. There’s a drama club that brunches there too and I have figured out (with zero hard fact to back it up) it is because of the Justin Long look-a-like who serves in his shorts with a professional smile plastered to his face and dotes on all the cotton heads like they’re Versailles high society. Like I said, we adore this place.

No, not this place where I am presently sitting. This one is a little less small towny charm. Our bacon was stone cold. No big deal, they sent more, steaming sizzlingly hot this time. We are going to film a mini movie short here called the Bacon Jinx. Mark my words. Can’t give it away but it’s an inside retarded hangover joke type thing. How else do SNL writers get skit idea (other than my blog) inspiration? From real life. Next up is one about loading the dishwasher bet you can’t wait!

Another hat score from Adventurehouse garage sale, was almost going to give to Hailey but I love how it brightens my face, I tried it on and we were wowed, blown away. My face is skinnier than it was last winter so I can wear this hat. The end.

I love the Gladstone, we had a lovely brunch.

I’ve had this jersey since I was 16. When I wear it, people hear the story about it for miles and miles.

We are going to have to do something about this mirror situation, we need to see ourselves dance in here and this crappy little thing isn’t gonna cut it. I’ll worry about that tomorrow. That’s my favourite way to deal with things. That’s what Jack Kerouac wrote about the Mexican dudes he tented with in Mexico, Mañana means tomorrow. They didn’t get shit done all season thanks to this epithet. Meh life is short.

I don’t look so bad for someone who got a total of ten hours sleep in 4 days right? No makeup either.

I will be be very good the next two nights. I have two on camera things on Wednesday and tomorrow is Burlesque rehearsal (DECEMBER 18 IS OUR SHOW PLEASE COME!) so as much as I’d like to put my face in a burger king stacker right meow, I cannot. My mom asked me how I keep my weight off and it’s pretty simple, restrict tons, and when you booze, no beer ever. Watch the carbs, blabbity blah this is boring.

It’s just very annoying being asked what my secret is when some girl comes by my blog once a year or so and asks, all blown away by present day tiny Raymi. Dude you do some of the work and find out yourself by cycling through my archives, that kind of lazy asking me to do it for you attitude is just the very reason why you may be a blob and I am not. You see gradually over time what I am eating or not and how. When I sit down with people to eat and I see how they eat and I then fuckin tell them and meanwhile they’re stuffing potatoes in their face this tells me that they really do not want to get thin so they should just STFU and leave me alone about it. Determination is my secret. Being driven. Then take that and go through my archives because I have given enough. I have several skinny tip posts you can google, guide to nicole richie and how i got skinny.

Bitchy part over, fun time now. I always try to blog and multi-task at the same time which becomes hard to separate emotion from stuff at points, like hearing an annoying anecdote about someone beyond your control, I can’t tune it out so I have to shut down all channels, FB, twitter email, and put my phone on the other side of the room. Sometimes my muses suffocate me. Blog comes first is my rule.

Start a project and people will finish it. Worked for the xmas tree, this gingerbread train and the beatles puzzle. I am a genius.

Hailey’s cards are getting better and better. I said my Christmas card better be three feet tall and feature sparkles and Hello Kitty.

The claymore is upside down.

I wonder what I was eating. I am hungry. I am in a pigging out mood. That’s bad.

This one also collapsed. Not my fault. It looks like a trainwreck. Ha.

This is torturing me. It was a pure Home Alone pizza delivery moment when stacked at the front door by the tree but my dad moved it too quick and I didn’t want to go hey excuse me I have to take a picture of the pizza by the door. Snooze ya lose, blogger.

I knew Linda would help. My role at this party was social butterfly. I did not disappoint.

Whirlwind family weekend. To the max. Spilled right out of a Ghostface hangover. I sent my brother a pic of concert and he was like, that is SO random.

Philly cheesesteak pizza is my fav.

Staring at it helps my present starvation.

Shawn texted that my uncle was “fking hammered” Ha perfect. We had a good time.

Rippin’ on each other all night long.

And my Uncle’s glasses somehow got busted during their game of cribbage. Nice.

This time bet your behind we laid foundation icing and by we I mean them.

Teacher impressed, less heat on me phewf, now fade in to back..ground….

Looks wicked. Shawn had some gum. Ew I remember in the supermarket as a kid I had graham crackers then some gum from a bin and the combo of differing food textures, I have never gotten over it.

It’s always a good idea to play wasted family scrabble everyone always gets along! LOL.

Look it’s the minx who stole christmas appearing! Don’t blink!

I gave her my camera and said go nuts.

That’s a good family portrait, I’d say.

Hailey was reading her diary from three years ago I was like I am DYING to read it!

Ok you are definitely related to me heehee. She gives us attitude it’s funny, for now. Which is exactly how we started out then by fourteen it was irreversible.

That computer is so not long for this world.

Then mom drops in to get Hailey.

That’s the one.

The richest chocolate cake ever.

Dr. Robert time? Ok we have to get something from the car!

Scary Christmas neighbourhood monster!

Ambitious task that we got pretty far with.

The drum took an hour. The different fonts, the design, oy vey.

Poor Ringo, why so glum? Ooh Take out time. Teacher bought a christmas tree this morning on his way to work, he means business. I forgot to get my decorations from my dad’s again. Dad can you find them for me?? Thanks! Bye dudes. Monday Madness is over!

Well I for sure know where my affinity for sparkles comes from.

My hair is awesome!

BRB!!!!! Our place is next for xmas dress-up I don’t know how we’ll dance rehearse in here with a tree. Yeah yeah this post is lacking, it’s Monday so take what you can get. I slept in. I had awful cramps in the morning but now they’re gone, one reason why I slept in so they would go away. Just organizing my week now, tidying, and masterminding blog stuff as uje. See you soon!

ALL BOW DOWN WHEN AUNT RAYMI COMES TO TOWN!