Chuck Berry is a Christmas groupie, who knew? Teacher didn’t tell me my tag was sticking out. Thanks.
This gets sexy sunbeam white rugbunny good at the 56 second mark fyi ;). Then I roll my thigh highs off!
Understudy Frida Kahlo.
Ridiculous and perfect.
This is not an outfit don’t worry hahaha.
Barking together hehehehheh she loves me.
Yes I look crap. I went to the salon since this so, don’t judge meh. Lawd knows I get enough. Just killing time til SNL here. Who is coming out tomorrow? It is not to be missed. For se’ers.
We have an understudy just in case heheheh.
Nice tan line haha I forgot to take my underwear off.
Oh by gosh by golly, it’s time for mistletoe and holly!
Did you ever hear the Christmas story about the Elfettes that got away from the North Pole? No? Well my my, you sure are in for a treat this Sunday nights it’s going to tickle the dickens right out of you my pets. (said in fluttery genteel society speak of the utmost class, debutante affair mmhmm) And a very Southern Pole Christmas to ya gents, winkity wank.
I’m going to need to get green thigh highs for my mr. grinch number.
Never get invited to weddings? Me either. You have 8 chances of catching an Elfette christmas garter belt (sell that shit on ebay son! I might fling my thong into the crowd for keepers, that’s what our lingerie smut peddling sponsor has suggested so i’m do it!!!)
Excited to see what Katrina extracts from her video footage!!
How cute is our dance going to be?
And now I am Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacay lol you know which scene? It’s my mom’s favourite.
Ordering this online with Bunny yesterday felt too much like an exam lol.
Hot purse them Nella Bellas are.
What a life Kat must lead. Dig this girl.
Just two more sleeps til Sunday. If you catch an Elfette garter in the crowd you will be handsomely rewarded with mistletoe kisses. There are 8 garters in total.
Dudes it’s gonna be awesome!
Oh yeah there’s more of these but they don’t really fit so I’ll hold off.
Ok maybe just one more.
Gah I can’t stop myself! ha, Elf, can’t stop myselfette.
Pastel!
Red Zeppelin and I have hilar stage chemistry together. We may have some side punk rock burlesque biz for jokes on the side in the future lol.
Back to Christmas now!
Ha psyche. Ok now!
Look at the big bag of glitter confetti! The Elfettes will be sprinkling it everywhere while we walk around and dance and get up to elf mischief.
The day I wore two pairs of pants at the same time oooh!
Leftover pics I have previously uploaded and forgot about.
See? Look at her eyes, opposite directions. The coasters came with the house I moved in to.
Hi Raymi. I’ve been following you for awhile and have seen you lose a fair bit of weight. It is inspiring; I’ve just never told you because I’ve always thought that you must get that a lot and if I can’t be original I’d rather not try (we all have our hang-ups). But you also get a lot of bullshit and it never seems to stop so more niceties are deserved.
Such a brief comment from Katia and look what it started. It was a thoughtless thing to say. Some people can’t not criticize. We all know them in real life but it’s shittier to encounter them on the internet because the criticism is visible to all and lasts, unlike the stinging, but passing, comment made by some jerk at a party, for example. And because the internet offers anonymity they can show their true colours without anyone finding out that they are ugly on the inside. When you think about it like that it almost makes these people sound like the psycopaths in that they try to pass themselves off as normal people but secretly get off on abusing others.
I question her motivation for saying something shitty like that and the only answer I can come up with is that she’s a bit off – mentally, behaviourally, etc. Or maybe she actually is trying to get to you – malicious, vindictive, plotting (still would make her a bit off).
You’re secure enough in your body to show it off and there really is nothing sexier than that. I went to the strippers once and saw a few bigger ladies dancing and they were really sexy. And it made me realize that I can be sexy, too, because being sexy has nothing to do with size and everything to do with confidence. That being said, you’re obviously really tiny and I think it’s good for everyone to see that if you know what you want and are willing to work for it you can attain it. If you didn’t have this confidence I would be worried about your headspace – it’s worrisome when thin girls who go on about how fat they are.
Anyway, from this one comment about rolls it became this crazy accusation that you were lying about your weight. Honest about everything else, why would you lie about that? Good on you for proving yourself yet again. It reminds me of celebrities suing tabloids for printing bullshit. Somebody has to call them on it and I’m happy when someone who can, does.
It’s just a bit exhausting because the shit never, ever stops. And I am just a reader so I don’t know how you can take it as the target. You’re still going strong so you obviously don’t need any advice from me. But in case it ever gets hard I’ll tell you again, you’re in gorgeous shape and you inspire the thinking people out there. There are always going to be some people who just don’t get it, can’t take it, and are just plain shitty. Some people never stop being cruel bullies. But you’re great and it’s clear you’re surrounded by loving and supportive people in you’re every day life. So I envy you – great friends, family, body, career, clothes, home, pets, motivation, strength, drive, taste in music, the list goes on. Merry Christmas!
I’ll keep on reading.
Teresa
P.S. Did you mean that you thought the girls at Lux Spa were “see you next tuesdays” when you wrote that on your blog awhile ago? I went there on your recommendation! Twice!! I did tell them I was there because I read about them on your blog, too. So – your advertising works. Support your local small businesswoman, I say. Unfortunately, they effed up my brows.
Bullies will always be losers which is why theyre bullies.
Thanks teresa that was really nice to receive ima blob it
xoxo fight the power
dont hesitate to write anytime, i love to hear from you guys.
rlw
ps. Yes they WERE uppity twats. that was the beginning of the end of my third party blogvertorialing for tha’ city, people irl don’t get what you’re doing and how it will make sense on the web. I had in-growns for days and they had the chatty demeanour of an eastern european servant at the turn of the century. Frosty.
i stick by what i said. that is not the first time that scale has made mention on your blog…
ANYWAYS, i feel a little stuck because i don’t think there is anyway for me to state my case without having the opposite effect i hoped for where you are concerned (but realistically should have known better) other than this, you may or may not publish this comment but hopefully you at some point in your blogging ventures could post links to websites like shape of a mother or this is what a real woman looks like, just as i am OR my body gallery dot com. that way your readers (impressionable young female ones, that i will ALWAYS champion over personal platitudes) might have an opportunity to see other representations of weight and height. maybe walk the talk? any way you do you…imma keep doing me. don’t spin doctor my statements – THAT makes you look far worse than a few rolls ever could.
ANYWAYS ISN’T A WORD BY THE WAY. NO S REQUIRED. Would I say By the Ways? Which ways?? How many ways? One way! Moron! Any way, any is already pluralized, it isn’t singular. You sound stupid. Half my friends say anyways and I cringe inside when they do, Teacher says it and he’s a teacher. The Whites are a people of correctors with impeccable grammar skills which is why I am fully allowed to dumb it down as I know the proper way to write sentences, and spell.
Moving on now to my actual comment response to Katia aka “all good” pfft poser more like.
i have no fucking clue what you mean. this is done. boring. over. thank you i have rolls when i am on the ground kicking my leg up and two days before menstruating. this isnt a punk rock body statement on shit, i was accused of lying by you, and i proved that i wasnt. you are an asshole. look in the mirror and accept it, don’t cavort like you are defending little girls who shouldn’t be reading my blog anyway though you act like one. spin doctor? Honey you started that shit by dumping your character assassinations on me. i am the hero who posts raw life here you tried to “bring” me down “a peg” and failed.
I am used to this treatment, sad to say and just when I am at a point in my life where I am cool with my body more or less and like hyper focused on my career, the cut-throat niche market that it is, some giant loser has to dump all over my parade and waste my time? Nah dog I kept it going cos mo hate mo hits. I guess it could be worse, some boring geek could start a debate over I dunno what. There is something about me that triggers people to react, respond, chime in, I definitely should have a Jerry Springer talk show of some sort. Bleh.
Fortunately I am too busy kicking ass and taking names to reply with a burn so good your face would melt off like the Raiders of the Lost ark whichever one his face melts off in at the end by way of terrible cgi but anyway, revenge is a dish best served cold my number one SWF Raymimpersonator once blobbed. Henceforth just wait til January.
At the time these insults were dropped on my blog I was essentially blowin’ Luda in the back of a Maserati. Ha Maserati’s don’t have back seats, idiot! Ok I have to press publish now, enjoy this Katy Perry song I played twice and it was good and grating at the same time, go nuts. I look like Hulk Hogan/his daughter with my tan and platinum long stringy locks. I don’t know who I am anymore! Just j/k lol. Another fan mail from a little raymi after the video break. Oh and they call this fan mail no it has not gone to my eleven year blogging tenure’s inflated head, in Canada you are not allowed to horn toot.
hey raymi,
stupid twitter and its 140 character limit..
anyways, just thought i would touch on something thats a little bit sadder than what we were discussing before (but this convo made me think of it)
if you dont mind im gonna bring up some old shit that isnt my business but i want to tell you what i remembered from the particular post you wrote…
it was sometime after your breakup, i think you were trying to explain/justify why it took place and people were looking for answers that maybe they shouldnt have been looking for…
but you said something that stuck with me to this day..
you said (and this first part might not be verbatim but its close, the second is verbatim)
‘I wasnt healthy, the relationship wasnt healthy. I told myself daily ‘I want to die’ ‘
Even as I write this, that last sentence makes the hair on my neck stand up. To me, that was the most real glimpse i ever caught of Lauren, the Lauren outside of blogging, the IRL Lauren. Everyone knows (hello ****** *****) that constant debbie-downer/negative attitude doesnt get traffic (but you werent saying these things for traffic, you were being the most raw and honest about your personal life as i have ever seen, and ive been reading for half your blog’s life!) but yet you let that one sentence out and it was like a lightbulb for me.
You are a real person with real feelings and you take your pants off at night just like everyone else (maybe a little earlier than everyone else? hehehehe) and for that sentence to come out and make me realize that there is A LOT you hide from the public (whether good or bad) and it made me respect you that much more for having the guts to admit those dark feelings, when normally its all smiles and food and friends.
SO, now that i see you are healthy(er) and happy(er) i am reminded of when you werent so happy, and wonder, is that what people want? for you to be stuck in a rut in a place you dont want to be, unhappy with things but not stupid enough to let on to the general public that you have problems JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?
I am so fucking happy with you right now, you are getting better at your craft and better in your life every day (and thats not me sucking up, if you did something retarded i’d be the first person to tell you, this you know LOL) (besides, what could i ‘suck up’ for? street cred? LOL)
If you dont have time to write a long winded reply back dont worry – i just really wanted to tell you how much that sentence stuck with me, even to this day.
xxoo
Oh man was this ever a moment. Born for the lights!
PSst. Pastel will be unwrapping herself like a gift. Boners for Christmas this year much? We will need a couple dudes from the crowd for lapdance purposes too just saying. Sunday Night! Classic Burlesque Christmas. The Elfettes! o_O Come dressed up if you like, elves, snowflakes, angels, scrooge, and so on. We are going to leave all our discarded lingerie on the jager bottle christmas tree lol, Bunny’s idea. She’s dismantling a Santa Hat for the fluff for our pasties for this dance for for for!!!
Red booty shorts, long red satin gloves too and teeny santa hat headbands GAHH!
Fake snow icicles for the stage just for you, just for you. Raymi made you Christmas!
Ughhhhh dork losers get a life already. Oh and this scale was at my dad’s house in the bathroom when he moved in to his current house and was stained like that sorry haha. Actually it was at my old condo, then I brought it to my dad’s and stole it back and it always looked this disgusting but I am bound to it.
whoa la! who is setting feminism back? do you have rolls, yep (um, who cares?). are you hot and have you done a really good job of setting an attainable aesthetic goal for yourself and completing it? yep.raymi, you are inspiring (among many other things) but gurl, you ain’t 5′9″ OR 118 lbs.
wanted to first comment when you pointed out the girl that had a crush on your gentlemen friend who was a teenager, kind of cruel and inappropriate – but, it does point out (as you do on your own many times) that you have young girls following your blog. remember when you weighed in at 147 lbs publicly? that was bad-ass….lying about your height and weight isn’t. I’m not suggesting that you still weigh the same, but you are not 118 lbs.fact.
you’re a guilty pleasure, and i’ve always thought it weird that people might comment this way, but hey…
I’m so tall I obscure the entire tree! #Giant #amazon.
Yeah keep going hater bitches.
bitch i am too 118, i fluctuate between 122-118, 118 is my lowest number and regardless it is 2lbs from 120 what is your point here?. at the end of my period ill be 118, thank you and it has been like this for months. i dont have much muscle mass anymore (weighs more) because i dont train, and guess what, i have gained an inch-ish in height i thought i was only 5′8, wrong, taller, THank yew again. Moreover, i do not have ROLL-rolls. Sitting here right now w/o my abs flexed, yes rolls, but “fat girl”rolls? whatever. all in all it is a shitty shitty shitty remark to make when there are actual morbidly obese people out there, to target someone who actually is fucked up about weight and yo-yos but isn’t even FUCKING FAT. them bad, me good. coming back here to clarify that i do have rolls to bring it up again err. why? what is the point? I cannot please everybody, that’s the bottom line, it is disgusting and a waste of my time, all of this obnoxious garbage, im just trying to dance and enjoy my life go to hell. i just weighed myself, i am 120lbs, satisfied or would you like a video or photo? which you then will say is false. just made a weigh video especially for you stupid fucking losers!!! happy hannukah!
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7015/6514507515_dbb7d02133_b.jpg taken when i got home. looking for those rolls, guy, but all i see is definition and hip bones.
And this is a fat day. I have full on hardcore cramps now thank god bring it on I need to flush this out. Ew sorry I know I know my bad. Kay night!!!
Apparently I have rolls. Well you know what is also apparent, I am a fat water retaining pig and it’s the fat time of the month and I still give your boyfriend a boner. Enjoy! Not to mention, I am actually a twig. Ps. Clem said my videos are killing it lately and he is a bazillionaire so his word is law, and he is also my lawyer. When he hired me at The Central all these bitches started whining and “warning” him which told him I was solid gold legit. Best recanize!
My friend is wrapping up a class this week he’s teaching (no it’s not my bf lol) on the internet or digital whateverthefuck and naturally needed to ask an actual success story (those who can, do and those who can’t, teach classes about it at Sheridan I guess) so he emailed me last night and I was all ok remind me in the morning or it goes in to a black(berry) hole of forget. So without further ado, here is some garbage I just wrote that he will re-work in to a teachery-like offering of in the form of wisdom, Raymi style. (I know how you like to read and all).
Don’t say anything you cant take back. always think before engaging in a flamewar (in the future they will probably be illegal or have stronger repercussions for trolling) day time traffic is valuable so sacrifice your social life when you can to drive that traffic to your blog/social media/anything. Be patient, be original and funny, but dont try too hard. Learn about spin doctoring and do that like a pro. And anyone IRL who brings you down for your little projects ie blog, take no heed and keep on truckin because you will succeed. You are no one these days if you don’t have an online presence, how do you expect to get free things or get in to places? You can use a blog as a media passport in to all your cool favourite things if you work it right. Whether you buy in to celebrity or not, following the celebrity recipe for blogging (the full polished product, including you)(aka DON’T BE A SLOB HOW YOU LOOK MATTERS SO DEAL WITH IT ACCORDINGLY) you will go far. Give the people what they want, they want to be inspired, they want a leader, someone larger than life. Things don’t exist until they’re invented so get going! People don’t care anymore so you have to make them care. Just read my blog and take cues from that and call anytime.
