At the Christmas party hop

Apparently I have rolls. Well you know what is also apparent, I am a fat water retaining pig and it’s the fat time of the month and I still give your boyfriend a boner. Enjoy! Not to mention, I am actually a twig. Ps. Clem said my videos are killing it lately and he is a bazillionaire so his word is law, and he is also my lawyer. When he hired me at The Central all these bitches started whining and “warning” him which told him I was solid gold legit. Best recanize!

Expert inside

My friend is wrapping up a class this week he’s teaching (no it’s not my bf lol) on the internet or digital whateverthefuck and naturally needed to ask an actual success story (those who can, do and those who can’t, teach classes about it at Sheridan I guess) so he emailed me last night and I was all ok remind me in the morning or it goes in to a black(berry) hole of forget. So without further ado, here is some garbage I just wrote that he will re-work in to a teachery-like offering of in the form of wisdom, Raymi style. (I know how you like to read and all).

Don’t say anything you cant take back. always think before engaging in a flamewar (in the future they will probably be illegal or have stronger repercussions for trolling) day time traffic is valuable so sacrifice your social life when you can to drive that traffic to your blog/social media/anything. Be patient, be original and funny, but dont try too hard. Learn about spin doctoring and do that like a pro. And anyone IRL who brings you down for your little projects ie blog, take no heed and keep on truckin because you will succeed. You are no one these days if you don’t have an online presence, how do you expect to get free things or get in to places? You can use a blog as a media passport in to all your cool favourite things if you work it right. Whether you buy in to celebrity or not, following the celebrity recipe for blogging (the full polished product, including you)(aka DON’T BE A SLOB HOW YOU LOOK MATTERS SO DEAL WITH IT ACCORDINGLY) you will go far. Give the people what they want, they want to be inspired, they want a leader, someone larger than life. Things don’t exist until they’re invented so get going! People don’t care anymore so you have to make them care. Just read my blog and take cues from that and call anytime.

xo your pal raymi

Do you like how I act like I walked on the moon?

My favourite spot in the joint.

Yes?

Weight of the world on my shoulders. You can see my sweater malfunction in this pic.

Posh toy soldiers.

So rich that red. I love wooden toys and antiques, replicas. Sometimes the modern world can be so garish.

If you buy me one of those lap boards (not seen here) meant for eating in bed I will never leave bed.

Got these for a quarter a piece at Dollarama. $9 here. #just #saying.

Thanks but we have enough pillows.

Lock your doors if you don’t want stragglers hahah.

Stop photo-bombing me too while you’re at it if you can help it GOD.

Love these. Reminds me I have to get decorations for the Bovine, I think stringing up stockings will look adorable on the stage. Splendid beside the jager bottle xmas tree.

These were teach’s iphone pics. Guess what, Amanda is making me a hot pink cowl knit scarf cos she said she will do anything for my attention YAY!!!! I have no idea where my blue one is. Can you picture hot pink wrapped around my fucking face?? I can! The future is bright. Gotta go stupids! XOX your pal Raymee.

she is like a cat in the dark and then she is the darkness

Peter Pan Band Practise.

This shirt is falling apart already on one of my sleeves oh well you can’t mass produce quality but thanks for passing the savings on to me. I am going to add green furry grinch-like material to it I think. We gotta start getting our costumes in gear.

Definitely a good looking band that’s for sure. This is our new drummer we kicked out Tyler cos he was too old KIDDING he was busy but Nat has toured with BNL (is a drum SAVANT) and he gave us her and so we are keeping her. Our goal is to play on one of the BNL cruises this year and we might cover a song to ensure of it LOL. Guess which one.

This sweater makes me feel way too arrogant in it I dunno why I think it’s the big rack I have in it like, just try to start something with these guns. I wore my Santa t-shirt beneath because I am a christmas groupie. Probably part elf too.

I am going to get botox in my forehead one of these days.

New drank list too. We covered almost all of it!

Carol’s cat has extra fingers and toes, there is a name for it but I forget, polydactal? it’s underlined in red here so probably not. I couldn’t cuddle her cos I would be attacked but I like how she has mittens on.

Dad I found your new rock crush lol.

Carol (sexist texas guitarist) made these!!!

I chose the one on the right. Make more! band merch for girls.

Hot.

We shared this. Do you know how enjoyable it is to smush down crunchy onions in a thick burger and then stab it with a knife?

Shared the charcuterie, there is a pig’s head at the other end of this wood platter. We petted it the first time we ordered this cos we were LOADED. Hhaha. It was a pig like almost face to face with Teacher like one of our 3 pets. I took one look at it and went, my life is so retarded. This charc. features steak tartar, pork rind, a bunch of pancetta of various animals I forget, terrine, quail medley that tastes like chicken salad, pickled pickles and pickled sherry egg? All in-house. See, I pay attention and know food. Once you start eating like a pompous douchebag it’s hard to stop.

Carole cat’s place has all kinds of rock artifacts, I said she lives like a vampire, she was amused by that so I opened her blinds and was like wait til we have band at my place you will need to wear a sleeping mask it’s uber bright in here I love it and need it for SAD.

West Elm drunk browsing afterhours and they were like, are you going to buy this, or this? I dunno guy Fuck off I am lying on one of your beds right now.

Drank a million gingerales when we got home from dinner last night, watched the toob, shit got psychedelic apparently on the tree.

That’s how it looks in reality too not just in my mind thanks cameraphone technology!

Mildred’s bathroom. I found out yesterday that she is not a real person! Bahah. Ah gad how did I get this far in life? Lots of coddling, enabling and swaddling that’s how!

Count my freckles and win a prize.

See how could you not be living like a vampire? You like true Blood so there it’s settled ;). Carol rules fyi.

We are also learning this jam. Which I have on rotate.

And this just arrived!

Cappucinos!!!

And I found this on Clem’s FB wall, lol. (you better come to see The Elfettes Sunday night!)

Seeing as I think I am asian like these guys (why did they reverse this video so it’s backwards, copyright?)

The Katy Perry one was funny but the youtube clips are all homemade recordings of tvs and I am not putting that shit on my blog but basically, Katy Perry was a Raymi, all Hello Kitty’d out and stupid I loved it!!!!!

Wearing jeggings. Teach and I were arguing at dinner, I got up to piss and he saw my shapely ass and legs in these and knew to just STFU. Beauty currency wins again. Lois bought me these pants. Godmother stylist.

In hindsight I realized we did not eat enough or I didn’t, we shared the burger and I had 3 drinks. That’s how I used to do it though now that I recall. We just drank gingerale all night long, going to try to keep booze out of the house for as long as possible. Sobered up on the couch while watching x-men and SNL. Required gingerale as i have previously stated 3 times already haha. I am not even going to bother saying it’s a new year’s resolution to drink less, it is always a resolution to drink less.

Mmm. Maybe I’ll do a vegan diet one of these days for a month. Then I’ll look like skeletor.

I might even leave the house today! Insert a bunch of shit I gotta do like you care (you probably do).

-conference call at 5

-email high res photos for new blog revamp project

-blog again

-prob dont have time for that other phonecall

-should be working on book

-go get something across town

-go get burlesque costumes (have to decide what for what)

-TV stuff tomorrow all night so have to get rest.

Bizzoinkers

Luck be a lady, too-night. Her name is Lucky. I also know a Pastel (also real O_O yay). Oh you know, it’s just gonna be me and Lucky and Pastel, hangin’.

And some cleavage on a pear tree! And some pear tree cleavage whatever you get it.

This is at MTV just after getting my make-up did. I arrived with cakeface from the interview thing I did in the day at YDS so lucky had a fun challenge!

Ok we get it.

Green room.

I look like a drag queen.

Final outfit.

Should have worn this.

Another new friend.

Raymi needs a tan. #bad.

This did not last the night. Why don’t we just throw a bag of Doritos in right and some airport sized bottles of gin, fuck. It’s way too close to the couch. This was a present from the doghouse.

Kept asking Charise if I looked like a wizard and she said no but I think she didn’t get that I wanted to look like one. It’s ok, you will get it right next time.

Messed up the E.

I look like a blob but these are actually like a size 27 I cannot even breathe in them anymore.

Then I got the brilliant idea to put all of my crap on the tree!

Letter from my homies about face, written from a kid who went to camp. Love you dudes! Donate to AF please if you are going to be donatin’ to charities this holiday season.

I found my monster kini in one of several burlesque bags hurrah. Man that thing travels.

Wowzers.

YOM.

#lazerdogcaresaboutfashion

I might make a dominos tumblr for every time I order this. So far, 4 times in the last two weeks. Twice on the same day, and then one day apart. The fourth time was at my dad’s. I am joking, they’d love that, embrace then realize their disastrous mistake. mmm misteak. Oh whatever only bitches cry wolf.

Another I’m sorry present. Fine but we get to listen to all the music that I want to hear and you have to watch everything I want to watch.

You guys were meant for this! These are my designer salt n pepper shakers. One day when I have my dreamhouse I will put salt and pepper in to their respective homes and have someone over for dinner who would BE SO BLOWN AWAY BY THEM.

I need more wedges.

This is so Dynasty. That’s how I live my life anyway, in dusty pastels and couches.

I made a salad!

At first it looked like this!

Mo wizard mo problems.

Behind the scenes shots for pre-tease tweets for the super fans.

I almost wore these shorts on MTV.

See? Dynasty.

Stella is a mommy now too. This came with the Kinder present, it’s tacky and not my style. I have a hate-on for white stuffed animals, ok I am sure there is probably one out there that I’d like a la Hello Kitty but all in all xmas ones? Bears? Tacky and cheap. I gave Stella her “baby” that she chews the hell out of and throws around like a good mother should, she goes nuts and expresses happiness by speed biting on her baby.

I am going for a tan very soon.

I had no face on just base sorry Charise if it was scary talking to me.

Now I have Raymi Winehouse slippers. Oh god. I already just went out in them to let Stella take a wizz that was so housewife of me ew ewe ew. I ALSO HAD A SHOWER TOWEL TURBAN ON MY HEAD.

OK BAND PRACTISE MEETING!

Dear Raymilicious

My hair is very long and I have no face now, I hope that is alright.

Raymilicious,

You are killing it gangsta! Love the heels, love the new tattoo and love love love the outfits. Teacher makes an awesome accessory. ^_^

Happy to see more and more people are loving the awesomeness that is Raymi the Raymbo of Awesome. What what!

Also – Ikea totally rocks – just a bit of a challenge to put that furniture together. Love your rug (lol).

Hugs,
Nebraska Bob

(That’s a shirt inside joke what Amanda bought off me because she wanted to sell my scent and wear my best vintage find and because I am so chivalrous, I gave her the shirt off my back, for hello kitty stuff and $USD ya!)

PS – as a crazy cat lady – love all the pictures of the animals. ^_^

Amanda you made me feel special thank you for writing and sending your sprinkle memo, the cats are like, no big deal, but they are cats so that is expected of them but I know in Lady Garbage’s heart, she has a better life now thanks to my blog and by proxy, me. I think these things should be acknowledged which you did, lemme know what stupid thing you want next that I will take a year to send in the mail.

Pps. Lady Garbage is looking at the Christmas tree right meow and sit/standing quite regally. Oh and we put together another ikea thing last night that’s meant for my tickle trunk upstairs and all my clothes but right now it is behind me and meant for cats to play like wizards in.

Let the Monday Madness begin.

Hailey’s birthday Shopping Spree with Aunt Raymi and Nana. My mom is learning youtube.

Aww my mom and hailey and Journey.

Mom are you shy whisper singing again? Get new cds kthxbai.

Just emailed this to her:

go in to your youtube settings and change the thumbnails of your videos, you have a choice of three otherwise its what it is on the videos of my blog, your retarded face. Or give me your password and I will just do it. This just got me 40 future back and forth emails explaining this all over again like I have time.

this-isnt-speculation-it-is-data.

The heathered grey Valentine K photographs so flatteringly and I love the pink. Can I trade? Should I?

#champ

#fail

My hat matches the painting. Met Teacher’s other sister last night, she is awesome! Turns out his family has been reading my blog all along, hey guys, Looks like Christmas is gonna be interesting. Prepare for full on Raymi and be careful what you wish for ;). Ps. Meet Paco your new son-in-law!

#spicypeanutchicken #spadinagardenholla #onetimerusselpeterswasheatingbehindmeinthere

Ooh what’s this? A new tree ornament!

#StellaandRaymigosamplesalingtogeths #forevs #chariseismyhomeboy

#itwasatoughcall

#size1orsize2?

#violationoneyee?

Pink or classic?

#hotclutch #toohotforyou #canborrowonly

I don’t trust myself to borrow things.

#Thiswaynothisway #mmph #ummphfff #what?

Love ya lil buddaroonie! Why do I talk like this? Why not?

#So #much #SWAG.

Ahhh.

#DIVATREE2011

Bunny needed a bag for her one teeny shirt (I would have stuffed it in my pocket) but I know she is a student and will use this way more than my monthly burlesque transporting of tickle trunk. We reversed it and I didn’t want to give it away, but I did. I have loads of Nella purses, going to go by and see Tarek soon.

Relax, it’s only textbooks Bunny. Enjoy xo your pal Raymi. She said she is loving it btw.

YUM. I am such a pig right meow. Stress eating. Well since Thursday. What a bender. Baby got me this shade of nail polish top fav rotated colour. I want that shade Jenny and I wore the night we party hartied. I was a bone rack.

Cherry Garcia is smokin’ hot, and alive! Amazing. That’s her nickname. You got Raymified.

I like how skinny elongated 19 year old sex model raymi behind you (by jamie) is posing fierrcely with you too.

I chose the bigger sized ones so it would slouch more and I can belt it, I am an amazon.

I had to put pants (bettie page pin up shorts) on before his sis came by.

I am going to live in it all winter. There’s a pic of me in this with Stella and she has lazer eyes. I will dump my blackberry photos on the webz tomorrow. Something to look forward to!

Dance class now in sesh!