Hair is getting loooong yayayay.

Here is what happened on a Facebook status update about an hour or whatever ago, welcome to my life. I shared a photo in my feed and put my url in it and decided to add “is still a really great blog” as a joke, it meant nothing. Then this piece of shit chimes up:

*************: questionable. the blog being great that is

Raymi Lauren White is this your walking papers?

************:oh raymi, just an observation. I didnt say anything about yr hair did I? relax.

***************: i just think days and days of piuctures of u on the rug, it gets boring.

Raymi Lauren White oh fuck you skid. when i blog it cranks up to 150 and im on holiday, bye BC hater.

Raymi Lauren White it’s business and nice to see your true colours after years of reading my blog, you finally lose your temper, how suave.

Ryan Griver blogs change, bloggers change, if you want something to stay the same for years try watching The Simpsons.

My status update in MY feed set you off so bad you get all hatey like so? Aw no Raymi is all pretty now I have to make a slag. Meanwhile you haven’t change your photo in ten billion years on facebook what are you hiding from? Being interesting and versatile? What are you hiding from? Gross. YOU are boring. It disgusts me that my niece has to witness this too. You have no tact. Think what you want about me and character assassinate at will but I have more class in my pinky finger than your entire sweaty disgusting army camo hat head. I am flattered that you expect me to give you more though than I already fucking give that means you depend on me Little Raymi hater sorry to let you down but I was too busy partying with those I love and taking care of myself and staying pretty. I like that you referenced the hair attack from previously today I see what you did there! So smart!!! Ahh wicked burn so burned I am burned oh what a world what a world! Thank you for keeping me on my boring living room carpet toes.

I strongly disagree with you though because I feel like these photographic subjects I lay before you, including that of myself, are far more interesting than anything you have to show, say, or anything else you can offer up on this holiday marathon week let alone ONE FUCKING TIME IN THE LAST 4 YEARS (?) THAT YOU HAVE HAVE ADDED ME TO FACEBOOK AND NOT ONCE HAVE I FELT THE URGE TO STRAY YOUR WAY. You are bored and hating as a result. Don’t give me your shit. You are so boring you had to leave a comment on MY facebook wall (who the fuck even are you anyway?) and project it on to someone else who is zero per cent boring. I couldn’t be boring if you paid me to be.

SO BORING! Bahah you wish you were this cute. AGAIN! I repeat: I haven’t seen your facebook profile picture change, not once, in the three+ some-odd years, that you have stalkily added me to your profile. Do any of your other friends on facebook blog like me? I ask nothing of you, I expect less than nothing. Your insult is meaningless against me and is actually a compliment.

I love BC but am just wondering why so many trolls hail from BC and hate on my blog. What is it about my blog and BC? I think BC is in love with me actually.

Sorry for not jumping out of a cake right now! I already had a mega-retarded publicity stunt burlesque show the suicide week prior to holidays thanks.

Boring? Please. My blog has been holding the 10k north american rank steady for two weeks now. I am killing it, not snoring it. It’s sad that one day all chicks blow their fuse on me for some dumb reason or other. Let me repeat, The proof is in the stats pudding I am in the 10,000 rank in all of North America, this blog. Boring blogs do not rank this highly you stupid FUCKING idiot.

No you’re not talking about my hair? Why would you be? Look at it you mousy slob. I am smokin’ hot.

Sorry guys for dragging it up again it just trickles in during moments when nothing is wrong. I am not saying I am an angel but I know that I have hundreds of days behind me where-in I have overcome the desire to leave a shitty comment on someone’s blog, despite being one who spends a lot of time on the internet. I see my blog as a photo album I update every day like this is my life la-dee-dah I need to keep traffic rolling so I throw content up whatever it is it’s new and people keep coming. No it’s not boring, it’s me and my dog smiling happy on Christmas eve-eve sorry your life blows.

Anyway I just keep being me. Like I don’t worry about my looks daily like any other person on this earth might. I do worry about other shit too. But not really. Ha. On MTV they were like you don’t know who Jenna Marbles is? No fuck off who cares I’m busy. They stoke the flames to get you going and a lot of it is mean-spirited too, they make you think they think the world of you but they don’t, they hate you. It’s going to be a good show. Jan 17. Right after Jersey Shore I already lift my shirt up all the time like The Situation anyway heheh.

I don’t know what’s boring about drinking with your boyfriend in the living room cos he has two weeks off work and you just got back in town after a killer bender with your family out in the burbs and we are now going over stuff we want to do like a spa a resort medieval times anything, Quebec yay! I have extra disdain sprinkled contempt for those whom hate this time of year. I am just done with negativity and then they are like, oh, no you aint’s!

Put your hands up if you worked your ass off this year and gave it your all!

Ps. this shirt has a striped matching loosey-goosey undershirt to go along with it’s so dope and no I am not telling you where it came from.

I like to rotate my shots. Lovely yes?

Veiled threats! Love it! Nice one Nug!

Neck support nap! Can totally hear Teach open mouth breathing in this hahaa.

Long and classy sassy. Resolution to have longer nails this year I have great nailbeds I am a stupid idiot from removing one more Raymi prowess power this way. Long hair long claws 2012!

Growing up is for old people but haha what an asshole. Here I am blowing an imaginary snowflake angel kiss okay right? Who do I think I am. Wrong question, who do I don’t think I am?

Oh hi didn’t notice you there.

See the mini dad sweater on the tree? When I am feeling particularly “funny” I am known to say that I bought my dad a sweater but it was too small then gesture at the sweater like Ricky Gervais just showed up. Did you guys see Will Ferrell’s Mark Twain award roast on tv last night? Ricky wasn’t on it but all these other comedians were, well maybe he was on it I am not entirely sure because we were also watching Celine Dion’s megalomaniac biography documentary (more on her later) but anyway I get excitable when I watch comedians because I want to do sketch comedy or stand-up ultimately and these dudes are my idols. It inspires me and motivates me to keep going baby!

Anyhooters.

Hailey is very efficient with her stuff, thank you very much and goodbye now. Teacher picked out that bag.

Ha he saw this and was like I don’t remember that at all.

Yo Nacnud!

Awks portrait.

That means awkward btw. Some people don’t understand how I talk.

Blaha none done right.

I just asked if she reads my blog and Teacher says yes and I go she does? And he says I thought you meant Gwen Stefani ahahahha (we are listening to Hollaback girl) but I meant his ex wife. Yes that is what is going on right meow, still at my dad’s and when Teachers have their two week Christmas break it’s like what happens in Vegas.

Merry Christbreakfastmas from mystery camera.

Haileyness!

So Last Supper and Jesus in the middle me mirror reflection.

Gimme! Feed the monster. We wore our Christmas uniforms like my mom always made us match I have a hilarious family portrait I am going to photograph and blog. All of us in blood valentine red and my mom’s 80’s blown-out flock of seagulls hair LOLLLL.

Mom saw these and said now that is Hailey.

Growing up!

And the family genius wins Balderdash again. It was close, Alison had the lead, which I had for the majority of the game. Do not underestimate the minx I am an incredible bullshit artist and I play people’s knowledge and style against them. My dad and Teacher cancel each other out cos they always pick the other’s bluff as it is similar to their own answer and so narcissism kicks in and they are blinded by that. Then Rinky Ren takes the lead! Cobblestone gristle mawfucka! I’m queen at the two/three word concise definition. My reports were uber short, apt and profound.

All that competition doesn’t come without high-altitude stress, short tempers, yelling, or swearing. I’ve decided to keep a ledger dating each time we play and the appropriate missive to pair along with. I was staring daggers at my brother while inscribing Nov 5’s entry lol.

Hailey is growing up right before our very eyes. I gave her my Santa shirt obvs, she had to pin it at the back or that’s her style but it’s funny that it fits me loosely and her tiny frame too.

Ha.

My hair looks amazing. Hailey is in heaven with her new laptop.

It was nice to see my dad in lala Christmas googoogagaland we are big on it over here. You can stop time with Christmas and nostalgia your brains out meanwhile we are all whipping paper balls at one another like crazy and ploughing through champagne. We opened a small bottle I brought and then I was like should I open the magnum? Which I just should have originally done but my dad was trying to keep it mellow on the level sorry no chance buddy!

Re-did my nails, no not seen here, which is just a hodge podge from Sephora my self-demo, typically I am a clean nail freak snob and obsess. Or in car rather. I gave myself a mud mask in the bath while I did my nails and then laid there with my hands up in the air like lobster pincers.

My double dip (spray tan and super bed tan) is already gone. That whole thing cost $75 bucks (I bought lotion and goggles too) but I wanna go back. I tried hard to get a discount based on previously advertising their shit but the owner was gone I missed her like I miss everyone because I am constantly disgustingly always late. Then I walked home in the rain and then was on a tv show!

I am turning into looking like a grinch.

Christbreakfastmas gettin’ you down?

Someone has followed exactly in some of our foot steps.

It’s too small for him awww. It’s the shoulders not the belly he said ok ok. Maybe Teacher can fit in it.

It was a great party.

I got those shoes for Teach over summer from converse during nxne, nice eh. You have to pre-rsvp for your +1 for events, was with casie and she was aww burn where is my pair for my bf?

Ok I look ugs here but remember I said that thing about how my nana and mom and I’s hands naturally fall in to the bullshit/devil’s horns formation from our curved fingers? See it? So pedantic but I told you so. Ingrained dainty class.

I cleared the hedge ten times and neither my mother or Teacher could adequately capture the timing of it cos I just so fast. It’s good to stay limber. And Jackass. I bet if I practise I could line it up to make it in through the front door! Like a Kyle McAllistar. Don’t think I won’t.

The naybes were nestled all tucked in their beds.

Bye mom! Your face almost matches your coat and I think you look cute here AND dad said you are hot when he saw this so get over it. Noticed you took a lot of my desserts and some of my presents haha.

Cheeky monkey baby aw my niece. So goofy I’m so proud!

My dad opened Teacher’s wallet accidentally.

And there he is opening it. I had said earlier to not be alarmed if someone accidentally opened a gift (cosmically) because we were going to save our shit for actual xmas morning with my dad but then we got greedy show-offy and they were curious and then my dad opened the wallet so the rest of the house of cards fell. He looks like Kevin Spacey right?

Shawn got a nice regift from one of Teacher’s students. 48 booze filled chocolates.

This one fits.

Whatcha got there mum?

Everyone spreads out to tuck in.

A delicious M&M’s lasagna. Las-ag-Nahh.

It did not get complete.

Nana had a shandy (the very drink she let me have when I stayed over the week I was grounded as a teenager for taking off on my parents for a night with two dudes from Switzerland at a resort) and she also looks like an adorable adolescent the way she is seated here, go nana go!

I got a printer too. My dad was like I bet it’s a printer after I opened up my laptop and I go why the fuck would I need a printer for lol then I unwrapped it ha ha, it’s a scanner too! I’ll scan my journals and make some crappy fledgling decent art with it for the superfans.

Alison’s swatch I got. She usually wore this Superman one, I like kid features on grown-ups, it’s zany and endearing, bold.

Had a hippie’d out chat in the Annex thanks to this hat I got from Adventurehouse garage sale. I love it. The merchant was like I’m moving to Quebec to live on my friend’s farm when shit goes down LOL I was like YEAH TOTALLY ME TOO and she goes people are going to have a rude awakening when they realize potatoes don’t grow around here. Then I got paranoid about potatoes oh no what? HA I hate them anyway and never ever eat them.

She sold me this bag at an inflated price like $15 or higher and then I saw loads of them at HMV for $4.99 so enjoy your fucking quebec potatoes and your lava lamps ya hippie yuppie rip off artist! And this DVD better work and be good! I have gotten fucked buying dvds for my dad before, bootleg shit the equivalent of a homemade youtube fanatic homage video, moving picture show.

Though it would be cool to hang out on a couch all the time with your action figures set up everywhere and cater to single middle aged nerd loners all day long. They had gifts stacked everywhere, a bottle of wine, oranges. Neat. The Central is across the street. I’d be opening the patio and cursing these film geeks in a heatwave.

Cool life. My dad is talking to me about them now. The man owner did refer to me as possibly oriental. I went into the wrong store. There are 3 novelty stores on Markham, all with kitschy cult interest peculiarities for purchase.

This is brunch in the market at last temptation, we were falling apart. I woke up with my eyes wild OK LETS GO SHOPPING NOW.

I stared at a cute guy in the corner with a bag of drum singing to himself along with Bob Dylan, he looked sad. I was frightened for how much I had to buy. Bumped into Yuula in front of the fish mongers. She had a nice fur hat on and said lets go for coffee. How very urban a holiday street hug, I wished her Merry Christmas as I am staunch retro and she’s part israeli ie had latkes for breakfast. My tourette’s abade one more false christian tiding but it was lovely to see you Yuula xoxo.

Shower day for sure but I went out like a trucker with an agenda.

Many looks.

Even Bollywood.

And back to cute again phewf. No wait it’s over thank god. Still many more to go a LOT on my phone still. Brunchristmas time! I’m gonna cook! Leftovers thanks Alison! xoxoxo

I took a lot of pictures of myself on our way to Teacher’s folks.

It is a long drive and I was nervous but mostly knew I wouldn’t be taking many pictures there, plus my mom wouldn’t be there to take over for me in that regard so car glam shots it is.

Neighbouring motorists I am sure were perplexed but too focused on driving like maniacs to notice. You could feel the energy of other cars I know that sounds fruit-loopy but, everyone was so aggressive and careless in their Christmas driving manner, it was unnerving to be on the roads yesterday which we were all over as we went to Oshawa and back again to Burlington. Thankfully the roads weren’t slick.

My hands are frigid right now as I type this I should be wearing my new texting gloves aunt Alison got me. Ok I am wearing them now for real. Ok I took them off. I’d need to cut off the rest of the tips to have computer texting gloves which I am now referring to as sexting gloves.

I love any shade of pastel. That’s the word I mean right?

Mom got these candles for everyone. Everyone but me.

Supes blurry. My phone takes a warning shot first then it clears up. Annoying. And the first one (which is blurry) is typically the best posed photo and that is why I use both. Here is a hot blurry one of me and here is a clear scary one.

I invited us to Florida for march break lol. They’re only in town for a few days not long enough to justify turning this bad boy on unfortch which was my secret request (demand).

I was chilly and the only one dressed like a figure skater in my previously mentioned shirt-turned-skirt black sparkly dress (pics to come, no big deal) so I changed back into snowflake princess. I am going to be needing more of these in solid simple print. I feel like I will be wearing teeny harajuku outfits from Pacific mall from here on in. I can’t believe it fits. Shirts for skirts in 2012. I wear that black le chateau shirt as a dress too. Must get mini black booty shorts like Bunny Angora said.

Smoker. Blarf.

We had a heel tutorial/demonstration in the foyer on stilettos with Teacher’s aunt. She tried these on, a size too big for her but all ladies love their heels that’s for sure. I am a pro at walking in them now (almost).

Here I am probably saying holy smokes get it right.

Scary fierce.

Bumpy ride (unable to get a steady macro crisp close-up) but I bought all my gals glitter top coat from sephora like this. Possibly the scene of the crime where I lost mom’s $100 Zara gift card :(. Or Le Chateau. I am an idiot. It was taken out of my bags (who does that?) or I left it on the counter at Sephora, or Foot Locker. I was very upset while wrapping everyone’s gifts, the ones that made it out of the mall haha and so everyone was gifted to the crappiest manner of gift wrapping ever and to make matters worse there was a massive shortage on wrapping paper too. Everything more or less looked like my grand gingerbread house failure. Whatever. I left everything to the last minute as usual, well no, last year I was better, more organized but, as much as I have been a Christmas groupie this year I have never cared less for adequate Christmas preparation before like a husband shopping on Christmas eve getting unwanted bullshit for his wife. It’s just like any other time I come home to see the family, down to the wire, messy, frantic, late, but plus presents this time. I don’t want to be making a habit of it and one of my resolutions for the new year is to be more organized and punctual.

I love this dining room hutch of my grandparents. The table too, very much sentimental worth and real, my grandparents filled their house with nice things. So many Sunday dinners were spent in each other’s company sitting at this table and we still use it and reminisce. I like seeing their stuff on the hutch and using their fine china. Ps. don’t put it in the microwave cos it’s lined in silver lol.

Also posing beside it brings out my minor Scandinavian roots, the blond hair and the wood. My imp starts to show and I serve beer in the steins seen behind me. Das good ya?

Last crazy face one. The purpose of these is, this is my face in broad daylight and it is 28 years old. Uploading these was a majorly annoying process, so out of order and my mum keeps texting me. Anyway I guess that I am face obsessed because of my blog. When I started doing selfies, no one else did. People were polarized by my nerve of doing that. Obviously years have passed and I am not 21 anymore. Teacher said when you say what they say about you (back at them) it’s called a Harlem Renaissance. So when people say I am a trainwreck and then I say it too, I am taking their label and making it my own, which we both know I do not agree with. It’s a matter of fucking with people. If they say I am old looking and then I post pictures of my face (which doesn’t look so old) it’s a Harlem Renaissance. How poetic. It’s celebrating who or what you are despite their bashing of it.

And since we are on the topic, I know I am prettier than whoever the person is calling me ugly anyway because anyone prettier than me wouldn’t even bother. I never said I was pretty, you said I was ugly and I vehemently disagree. You aren’t owning up to your end of this by showing us what you look like so I automatically win the pretty war you waged.

My mom cannot help herself. Hailey got one too.

Mom I will post your heart necklace later.

I uploaded way too many photos and I want a break. Happy times excellent!

At this point I hope it never snows. Bring on summer!

RECYCLE! Ha.

Go long!

Melodie!

Fun night on the toooown.

Hanging with Melodie and the fruits of our conversation hangout drinking pints labour I equate to an afternoon at OCAD or something. There are funny people in this city and we are two of them.

Super meaningful gift from my sister.

Gwen Stefani bathroom if No Doubt never took flight.

She insults every facial pose I have. Melodie has a princess hate-on. It is always war.

Taro! Light delish and what hipster nachos come from.

Taro nachos at gladstone we flirted with all three servers (girls) cos they could tell we were their kind of retarded, one even brought out a taro for us to see where these chips come from. I caught Mel up in all things Raymi. She said I was calm. Bahaha. A calm mania.

Melodie has come to the light side and when we were chirping all night long and she started in on calling me a princess I just stared at her blonde hair and kept ripping right back in to her. We had lots of bones to pick and are kind of addicted to fighting. We went to her local punk bar cos it was Oi night. I put on my docs. My Fred Perry shirt would have been trying too hard. I def ditched this coat too.

Oh pouter. Teacher wants to move/rotate that couture painting so I think we should give it to Hailey. Giving stuff away from the house is so dirtbag but she loves all my hipster stuff. I am going to give Hailey a garbage bag full of stuff I never wear I bet my mom will go through it with her like wolves. Cannot wait. Teach got her a bag aww.

Ska minx nails in this bathroom would be a nice picture.

Christmas cards make me feel like I have accomplished something in life, track and field ribbons?

Cute. Love you dudes. Your Christmas card is this photo of your, christmas card.

This shirt is still kickin it. Casie has one too. I’ll dig up that post of us at the metropolitan partying in our hotel rooms in our matching gear.

B+.

Much better.

Adventurehouse!

My old foyer/vestibule.

We liked her hair. Melodie and I chat-bomb strangers or shy cuter younger girls who stare dopily at us (or me)(mostly me I am the prettiest)(god you know I am joking right) and then we are like hi and they are like hey and then that’s about it, I take a picture and give them my calling card and then the Raymi Army grows one Hello Kitty ruby point larger.

Cornering them on the stairs is a good tactic. I am also a fan of the fly-by compliment. I like your hair works as well as, I used to have your hair.

Mel looks like ageyness deyne now. Is that how you spell it?

Bechnique is presently battling the jungles of Texas. Are there jungles there? Anyway I look forward to my new rattlesnake head snow globe very soon. Do not smash it on the way here. She also said rattle snack gallbladders get ground up for their special properties. America is a weird place.

Red light, another vortex. It was a goodbye best friend toilet paper night.

My head is the shape of an alien acorn. I jumped on Melodie’s bed and declared that I was an acorn. I waited in silence and no laugh. Fuck you guys! I mean Merry Christmas and good luck.

(Dad this blog title is for you).