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Posted on January 11, 2012 by raymi

This is so 80’s I came from the 80’s to say what’s up. Teacher quoted a tweet the other day to me, watch out girls born in the 80’s, it’s girls born in the 90’s! Yeeowch. Lol. Who cares, like fine wine, the cream of the crop gets tastier, I know tons of older than me hot chicks too, tons. And do I look scared? Some younger chicks look like slobs, slobby teenage boys. I’m classy and dainty like a firefly fairy.

He also said he made chicks at work feel bad for telling them I was 5’9 and 117. He doesn’t want me to have any fucking friends I swear it haha.

Have to watch it with my face though from smiling and getting skinnier, don’t look down I guess?

Hahaha uhhh.

Slowly but surely. Don’t feel as badly now cos a girl on FB said she has two trees, a black and a white one that hasn’t taken down yet. TWO!

My present twitter bg.

So long fabulous friends. Sniff.

Hair appt tomorrow shaddup.

My face is whiter than my teeth hahah.

Sorry but that shit is fabulous. That’s TWO F-bombs in a post.

This is what it’s called obvi it works cos I am puketastically gorge.

Meanwhile this is the garbage I exclusively put in my temple. Thank god for Jamba, the only healthy stuff that I ever consume.

I’d still dig a pizza sponsor, holla! Hey Mado’s glad ya made it.

Guess my toppings. Best pizza ever I made from my own design, major accomplishment when all you did was blog about yourself all damn day long.

And a philly on thin crust. Forgot the pops though, night-ruining.

I swear it’s like I hate myself or something, here is one mental problem that I will admit to, when I eat I think it instantly affects me like I will feel like an actual tray of lasagna, but no siree, these photos indicate otherwise. My metabolism just ushers that shit right on out the door. It’s part stress and the only time this ever happened before in my life was after myinfamous breakup. The trick is to stop trying to play fortune teller about it though and see where it is going to go or lead to, or why it is happening. You drive yourself insane.

Dancing helps a lot, being theatrical about your life and enjoying it.

Living under a microscope misguides people into believing they can control my life on this blog like Choose your Own Adventure, this is MY adventure.

I hate myself enough everyday a lot of the time and I hide my suffering in my blog. Yes I am an amazing woman and it is ok to like me and recognize that you don’t have to throw rocks at me.

I don’t talk about my relationship because I am protective of it I don’t think if we broke up the newspapers would write about it. Again. But I certainly would be made fun of or abused until I confessed what happened and THEN they would write about it. I have been living as a real life science experiment specimen for the majority of my adult life, that person that everybody looks at and waits and wonders about, before this internet thing, and voila now I am fucking doing it or “it is all happening” “man” but it saddens me to know that with this flush of fame and attention will also bring a whole lot of HATE. Hate that I already get, day in and out for eleven years like eating pizza all the time and saying funny cynical shit is a bad thing, you guys suck Chuck Klosterman’s fucking dick all the time and the dude sucks, whines more than I do and makes novels out of the shit!

The mother of an ex bf said it was because I am skinny, when he told her that every Oakville girl was mean to me, the first time I ever experienced cattiness via passive aggression, stone-walling. Jealousy? What is that? I know, naive right? Right.

The first time I ever met other Laurens, but pronounced that way. It wasn’t til I bit back as our relationship was deteriorating that these girls were nicer to me, respected me. This guy was making me look dumb behind my back too with his turnstile of young dumb chicks so I am certain that neither helped me. We’re all good now and grown up and past it, friends as well even.

The point is, tall poppy syndrome is deadly. MTV is def setting me up for a great fall here but maybe not? AT THE END OF CLIP 4 the one that says “final decision” after you wait for the Jersey Shore ad to end, you will see the preview for my episode of Creeps that airs next week, Tuesday. It’s the third episode. Only in Canada though. Which sucks but maybe some internet whiz can figure it out for the Yanky Little Raymis.

Time to watch some of these dopey vids from last night and decide what’s for dinner.

Here’s a sweet fan Email I received today from a Little Raymi!

take yo praise!!

hey there superstar, just wanted to say how much i’ve enjoyed your site in the last few days. i stumbled upon it while searching for archive photos of toronto (how weird is that?), and find your energy, style, and love for the city to be quite inspiring. being a 40 yr. old guy i’m well outside your target demographic, and while i spent many years as a music writer for a popular weekly here, i’m certainly not part of “the scene” anymore, and your pics of nightlife have brought back many great memories as well, so thanks!

my girlfriend is quickly becoming quite the fan as well and we’re both a little dumbfounded by the amount of hate mail you seem to recieve. i guess a lot of people have a lot of free time. not to mention issues. anyway, i obviously have some free time as well, and after a seemingly long list of people attacking you for your looks and attitude i felt compelled to say i think your doing a great job and to keep it up. anyway, i’m sure you get these sorts of emails all the time, but it’s always nice to hear that someone thinks you’re great, non?

ps: that teacher seems like a good, solid guy – hope you two stay happy & together.

all the best,

brent

this email ruled! tell your wife thanks and chat me up anytime. ive always been drawn to an older crowd, thanks to being so smart, so being 40 means nothing to me (until i am it lol). its cool you found me. took you long enough!

im blogging your email.

thanks pals

xo raymbo

Troll of the day

Posted on January 11, 2012 by raymi

Dear Raymi,

you’re an old, washed up hag. the second hand embarrassment i feel for you and your pathetic life is actually amazing. the five ~~minutes~~ hours or less (definitely more) i’ve spent on your blog has provided me with all the entertainment in the world. keep on keeping on, you 30-year-old soft-bodied piece of shit. and yes i have a private twitter…to keep stalking, elderly shitbags like you off of my page. you don’t deserve to even speak to someone of my caliber. run along now.

Is this the ass of a washed up hag? Soft-bodied? Hysterical. And these shots are just shit I have laying around, I am a pro and legend. You found me in some girl’s blog comment forum of all places and then started stalking me from there, so, sad you must have had absolutely nothing to do than to read 130 comments one day (the point is make your own damn blog L-oser I did and now I’m famous so feel sorry for your own un-famous ass, not mine!) you came on to my radar and I’m supposed to be the loser here heheh. See you around cos I know you definitely won’t stop stalking me now, how does it feel to know some chick is older than you AND immensely hotter? You failed. And no it isn’t all about being hot, but when you attack my looks and age, these are the topics on the table of discussion. I deal with matters as they arise like any adult might.

Maybe it hasn’t occurred to you that this blog isn’t JUST for little fuckin’ girls anymore.

Never was.

Also, might I remind this twerp that they sought me out and were so humbled by my beauty, intellect, amazing artistic, fun and enchanting life, they just HAD to express “I pity you” to me. Haters all suffer from Debbie Downer syndrome, massive inferiority complexes, and self-delusion (lie to themselves constantly). You’re the sad girl in the bar glowering at everyone having a great time. Ouch. Anything negative you output comes back on you and the nasty shit you spread came from a nasty place, YOUR FACE. When I feel like shit I do not take it out on other people, I play better until I feel better. Your true colour is dirt from some kind of inner-hurt.

Don’t blame it on a Raymbo.

ps. nice work with the infamous troll-style of adding two years to my age, I see what you did there, Lolz! I don’t deserve to talk to someone of your caliber? WELL SHUT UP THEN! You are so full of shit, you actually desperately WANT my attention and now I will go back to paying you the attention you deserve: NONE!

Rayminny Cricket

Posted on January 10, 2012 by raymi

I like a woman with a future and a past

Posted on January 10, 2012 by raymi

French eyebrows indeed. Lets watch/listen to Amelie! When I took all this shit off I was looking at my skin and thought holy fuck I have been wearing a mask my entire life, so much makeup. I am so much prettier without makeup, but the colour of the skin around my eyes looks like I was punched in the face, it’s too euro for me. Not pretty. I want to reach a happy medium. I like euro I just don’t want to look like I scrub potatoes all day.

Took all the decorations off the tree.

Yeeugh haha my roots.

Can you detect the lezbo bait? Also, I’m so distant! I have to run by the Beaver as fast as I can with Stella LOLOL They chase me down the street! Then I break in to a Snoop Dog strut and they faint and drop like flies. I can relate to Justin Bieber, I really can. More like Justin Beaver. My new EVERYTHING NAME!

Dunno why I interrupted tv time to blog this pile of garbage.

Not only do I do twice weekly mud masks, I now cleanse with some age-prevention something or other (I’ll show you a picture of the bottle) and then I use a toner. The stuff you put on cotton pads that seems pointless and like a gimmick hoax, it’s just clear liquid that smells like pretty disinfectant, but it was expensive and by Nivea and the other shit was quite costly too. Teacher got me the mud mask he said was between $10 and $20 if it is expensive I like it. So I use three things in total and yes I am bragging because normally I pass out in my makeup, that I have been wearing since grade 8. I am blessed with ok-ish skin but I have been treating it like garbage for years so now I am going to give it some love.

Reminds me of the Batman chicks, the original cinematic expression with Jack Nicholson, Why was that chick’s face all hacked off, then covered in plaster of paris? These are the great mysteries of my time.

Back to the party now. xo.

This is how I roll animal print pants outta control

Posted on January 10, 2012 by raymi

Scandinavia is calling. I have a wee hint of that in my blood. #truth.

These are pretty trashy and funny, the garter set and it fits funny but fits all the same. I want couture, something from agent provocateur. Hook it up so I don’t look like a hooker anymore and crazy people don’t throw food at me in parkdale restaurants hahaha.

I have been criticizing the hell out of this, I should learn photoshop or filters. This was in my rolodex of “online modelling” moves when I was 19. MTV will be making fun of me for that. Pfft. I made a lot of money, honey. It was all show and I was a tourist in the scene, young and dumb. No regrets homies.

Teacher chose the pasties, I want to start making my own or branching out to Yonge Street.

This is only making the cut because the bristles are the same size of my belly button and it is amusing to me. The little things. It’s a designer Nazi toothbrush.

My Little Raymi friend Erica got me this set (it came with the scientist lab coat), she’s a great chick and I treasure her support and friendship.

Get yourself jacked for shoots, get those muscles toned or whatever there is that there is, help the definition shine through.

You can almost imagine me with black hair here, I’d look pretty dark all the time, Milla Jovovich I get a LOT when I have black hair, this length. DO not tempt me.

The stripper is in.

Talko Time

Posted on January 10, 2012 by raymi

Greetings eataholics.

The Penny Packer is 4.50 and the Four Roses small (batch) is 6.50 teacher liked the cheaper one better, it’s a nice quality smooth tasting funny named whiskey (or bourbon?) I always have it on ice cos in case they suck, they get wetter and then it doesn’t matter. I remember whenI used to drink whiskey exclusively, those were some mighty hangovers.

They told me they don’t do take-out cos they only have tinfoil, but we all know the minx gets away with whatever the hell she needs to (and I had three to go last week VIPLEASE), so maybe bring your own tupperware or tinfoil (hats?) and then have tacos for lunch the next day. Tacos and burlesque are huge in the city of Toronto right now. I’m waffling on doing a dance at Cherry Cola Thursday night. I feel a bit rusty though.

The chicken tacos, I can’t remember their precise name I bet Corey Mintz’s review has it all down, I saw him last week there and was like Courtney we must blob it first. He’s a nice guy and I was a bumbling bafoon when we chatted (why do you make everyone so nervous? haha) I thanked him for making me look awesome regarding spicy food.

And for legitimizing me as a foodielite.

Guac and chips and the largest pork rind I’ve ever seen.

A glass of reisling each. 6 tacos, guac, and then two shots of whiskey came to 45, I tipped 20% so all in $54. Normally we spend the equivalent of a nice pair of shoes from Get Outside when we go out for dinner so I enjoy saving when poss. You will prob see me once a week in here until I turn in to a taco.

Such a wholly new room than what it once was as cafe taste. I still don’t know how to work the door though now THAT was embarrassing.

Everyone had their phones out in a line I wanted to bust them for not having the times of their lives but you can’t really tell.

HAha now you can.

Sitting at the bar is great, you, or I, end up trying to talk to everyone who passes by and is working and think everything has to do with you haha or if someone’s thinking of shit you (I) try to be helpful. They’re closed Tuesdays so sorry if this post makes you jones you’re going to have to wait til tomorrow.

Beef cheek. Delish.

Great whiskey/bourbon selection.

Hot babes everywhere. The pic quality reduces when you reverse it the magical way that iphone does.

I was self conscious about my hat and if girls were “judging me” I didn’t want to take it off cos my hair might have been funny and stick-uppy. If I left the house more often maybe I wouldn’t be so hyper self-conscious and turns out this table of hot girls were talking about me because they knew me or one guy at the table who was not a hot girl did. Ha. But that’s what hipsters do you to, make you bananas. I lifted my arm being expressive about some thing or other and said I bet four people just made fun of me for that.

If you’re a caddy regular then you’ll know who graces this cover of TIME. If you ain’t, can you guess who it might be?

It was a really short wait at the caddy this time. Same server I had waiting with Courtney last week for a table, I wonder if it annoys them when you just have an indecisive beer and dream about tacos.

I got rather in to this.

EVERY MOMENT MUST BE CAPTURED! Ghost town last night. Also my jacket has been found, button and all. Tanya is brilliant.

I’m letting my eyebrows come in thick and maybe dark, or should I tint them again? I have two days to decide.

Wore my pointy glass earrings that actually cut people if they squeeze hug me too tightly. Watch yourselves boys.

When people made fun of my big nose in school I used to go and stare at it in the mirror like this and think it wasn’t so huge after all. We watched a canadian short film about a girl with a big nose who could have had a nose job as a kid cos another big nosed chick did over summer break and it made me think how wildly different my life might have been if I had a small button nose.

I’d still have all this insane personality but I’d be hotter.

It’s only going to get bigger the more I age.

We’ll see. I like the ski slope and I don’t care that it arrives five minutes before the rest of my face does, it’s just the bulbous part, which can be cute too but when I smile it’s like HELLO a serious nose is here what’s up.

Or it’s the stock image for the definition of the word nose.

Maybe that’s why I never smiled, cos while at rest, the nose is less assuming.

There’s lots of these as it was the moment I learned the magic of this contraption, wondered if anyone else could tell what I was doing, glamour-pussing into a phone, seemed they didn’t. Life carried on as uje on a Monday Cadillac Lounge night. They must hate Grand Electric.

You’ve been great sports. Barely. Got an errand to do. Check ya’s in a bit, now I am staaaaarving. Sorry for living bye!

Hot for Teacher

Posted on January 9, 2012 by raymi

These two reversies are actual different photos fyi (haters).

Late late for dinner. More later then lol. Post title is in regards to my next solo dance jam. Obvious but whatever, recipes work!

I was being a recluse and wasting my youth

Posted on January 9, 2012 by raymi

Can you tell these are jeggings? Psyche they are! Fake pockets in the front are frustrating (back ones work at least). They are also cursed because when I wear them I get things spilled on me, jackets stolen lol.

Hair appt this week.

Are we coming or are we going I do not know but I know I pissed everyone off with how long I took getting ready to go.

Ok we are going cos I am putting on deodorant here and Bechnique looks retarded haha I love you best friend toilet paper. Nobody laughs at that joke, we told it to a girl in the Wrong Bar bathroom when we gave her a wad of our TP and she is like yeah right whatever not listening walking away to piss hahaha FINE. I made her a gigantic obnoxious wad of the stuff too!

I am waiting on the photos from the hipster party photographers holy shit already I mean it, you wanna get hired or not? EMAIL ME: raymiATraymitheminx.com or commit social suicide. Just kidding I forget your names even though we are facebook friends, I’ll go look in to that now actually.

Let the bender begin! My last three months of being 28. (excuses for life!) I am what I am and I make no apologies. I told you my two year pre-30 plan is going insane and doing anything I want (whilst diligently on the side plotting and working on my career/the future).

Yikes! So, Twilight. We watched it and it was ridiculous like everyone said it was but we couldn’t see half of what was going on cos we were watching a bootleg of it and all of it is filmed at night and you can’t see any of those details oh well it sufficed as we were semi-conscious on the couch, stir crazy and bored. We went through a bottle of Sprite because Domino’s doesn’t carry gingerale (WTF not?) and dominoes I’m sorry to say that this is what “brunch” degenerated in to. I told you we were frat boys for two weeks and it ruled I will go back to being a princess this week starting now. Bechnqiue you gave me my lipstick back right, you slipped it in my pocket? OMG I just looked and you did! Thank you.

My new coat. I hate it. It is too big on me who the fuck am I Kreayshawn. Definitely buying a new coat now.

Didn’t wear my valentine K out, I knew I would sweat and Salvador Darling would be HOT and if that got stolen I would have lost my mind. No way jose. NO way. Ps. Look who’s on their press brag page? They’ll have more to add to that page from me very soon ;).

THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE.

Bechnique got new shoes in Texas.

Stella loves everyone and everyone loves Stella. She talks now since I have come in to her life. I’ll have her barking words soon enough.

And Lady Garbage is depressed in advance over the tree being taken down, she likes to stare despondently into it.

Thinking emo thoughts. Aw we love you Lady Garbage. I spoil all of them.

Love my ohhh canada bra.

Fits like a dream and is more realistic regarding the size of my chesticles.

Dorks. SNL was on. She came over to break me loose, I was being a recluse and wasting my youth.

My roots. This is why no one recognizes me when I got out like that they are dazzled by how clean I am. I did a mask and my nails and was ready to split.

Oh look there she is now.

MEATBALLS!

Every time I go to Wrong Bar I feel famous. Had no ID, no problem. The night I leave it at home, no kidding right.

This was dope champagne.

Time for a tan again!

Goodbye Christmas, so the fuck long!

Had this exact same shit again last night. I have a tapeworm I bet. Na, shortest day yet just majorly partying and that’s the last of it. Pfft as if.

The best hot sauce ever. Cheese fries. Oooh I’ll eat my leftover salad today before my stomach eats itself from the inside. We were frat boys for two whole weeks.

WICKED. Globs of garlic sauce, tzatziki and hot sauce and we go through cans of gingerale and coke like prostars(lobs).

And now we have a nice collection of these take out things. Girls horde these like crazy. Tupperware shit we inherited from our mothers in the eighties. Fact.

Fabulous coat, girl.

Dorky pre-New Years Eve heading out shots. See how behind I am? Well not really I just cover all bases with various devices capturing the Raymi News. Noose. OOOoooh so daring.

Completely unrelated to this picture, watched figure skating last night and it was lovely. It made me feel sentimental for my nana and papa, and my grandparents why am I turning in to such a giant suck?

Then we watched the Jassi Sidhu killing case/investigation on fifth estate CBC and thanks to the magic of television, these disgusting people who master-minded the murder of an innocent woman for marrying whom she wanted will finally be brought to justice. A mother, father, and uncle. Living freely in Canada all these years after having their own daughter raped and killed, unbelievable. It’s not the colour of their skin, Teacher said, it’s the ideas in their head that are disgusting, it’s not about race or culture, an honour killing? I asked if it was racist to say they were disgusting people, because when we heard that her mother was involved he made the remark, I was just clarifying. I also believe in an eye for an eye and EYE think these people deserve to be tortured, ugh I never write this way about things that scare me, or matter because it’s a small town but who cares, I CARE. It’s about justice and you just cannot kill someone and get away with it and have it just sit on a desk for over a decade. The entire family is implicated in my opinion, living on that farm compound together keeping the secret. Pretending to not know shit and that he’s “in India.” You know what else this family did? Not only did they pay to have their own daughter killed, they paid to have it put on the man she married so that guy spent 4 years in jail (is fully emotionally battered from this experience and will never forget, he remembers everything and he feels like when Jassi died, he should have died when she died. HEART-WRENCHING) and he was completely innocent. They had her raped too. WTF does that have to do with “honour” killing? I guess dehumanizing as is possible and shamed for disobeying her family. Where can I sign up to get in on such a lawless people? It is smiting to feel so helpless in your own culture, like you were born into suffering in to not having a say god forbid you be born a woman. There are photos of the lovely couple in love and in no way shape or form could it be possible for her husband to commit these acts upon his new bride. Repulsion doesn’t begin to cover it. I know that within an entire culture, every person is a snowflake and not all apples are rotten, but I do know that this happens a lot and gets swept under the rug because Canadian government doesn’t want to get involved. It takes the bravery of a man to write a book about this and bring it to a shock jock tv outlet to make the police get involved (and tips from anonymous sources) and this happened in my own country. If this were a white, or black family, boom, instantly dealt with. There was nothing honourable about how that poor girl died. The mother, father and uncle deserve to rot in jail and then in hell. Eternally.

Knew I’d be a sweatbag in this so I left the vest at home.

Gave myself a wee trim. Too many asshole comments about it, now go complain about something else. That striped dress/shirt came with/beneath my black loosey (rip off of chanel) tank, I don’t think they look very good together so I got two shirts out of the equation and while I was making the purchase, spanish carolers were up in my grill. Nothing says Feliz Navidad like a homicide in a Kensington market t-shirt shop. Hope that shirt I bought my bro’s gf’s son fits, it’s a rare photo of Bob Dylan enlarged and screen-printed, and so amazing though he wanted a Bob Marley shirt (they only had ones of him smoking blunts and I doubt that would fly at school) but I said this one will get you more girls and he said he had a girlfriend, I said fine whatever it’s cooler you just don’t know it yet. My dad was blown away by it.

I love lime jello.

Only when I’m sick though (bought this on whim), it is the total cure, these individual ones are not as good cos you can taste the fake sugar and chemicals. I would not give my child this garbage, I’d follow tradition with a lunchable like my mother did lol or five bucks safety pinned to their jacket and a note saying TODAY’S SPECIAL PLEASE. By the time I’m a mommy blobber, mommy blobber’s will be disgruntled by their teenage monster children and despise them then hit their second or triple adolescences and join us at the keg. I wish.

Don’t cover the lens please.

I am hot at being awkward.

And now I look like a mini-mom, MY mom. And Jimminy Cricket. This is at the drake in a hotel room. Teacher has no recollection of this point in time of the night. Looks like someone’s got to cut back on the sauce.

Too bad you forgot this part it was a great time. We ditched you with the boys and went down in to the belly of the sky yard to do our thing. It was like a fairytale a really good time. One kind of dorky guy at one point (no not you)(prob reading)(another dorky guy). was talking to me and I liked talking to him, no flirty or anything he said I was way out of his league and the drunk future cougar me who was in-tow with Lauren O and I says stop talking to him blabbity blah he’s gross. The older women are, the less time they have for dorks, some of them anyway, not my ma and I the more decrepit and Steve Buscemi, the more we love you hahaa. By the time we have a show I will LOOK LIKE Steve Buscemi so hurry the fuck up people.

I think this is when Teacher broke his phone too, dropped it. When a door closes a window opens and now he’s got a new phone yay!

And here a pointless loop conversation takes place as I am unawares he’s gong-showed (thank you Lauren’s boyfriend and every other guy that meets and falls in love with teacher) he came-to at Brock’s party.

There’s my girl. I cannot wait to spill the beans about MTV Creeps. You guys will die. And then I will have to leave town if it blows up in my face. I am making friends with Rashida and she has pleasantly been a great help in preparing me for my episode (January 17) and the fall-out of haters, she said the positive ones are the ones that count. People are telling her she is their idol. They go to her work to get photos with her. I want to find her a good man. Update: She ain’t lookin’ lol.

Casie gave me a sticker of her and lauren for the back of my blackberry and it hasn’t fully disintegrated from hand sweat and partying yet but it’s getting close. RIP my jacket :(.

I look like fraggle rock. Lauren is a cupcake princess. I almost wore my black ohhh canada corset. Can you imagine. Cosmic jealousy turned best friends twins. We have the same name after all but mine is pronounced better lolol.