i have the best voice in the world

and now some words from my justin timberlake correspondent SHARPACHU who attended last nite’s concert:

justin timberlake aka my boyfriend forever in life

I think that the only thing I can really say to sum up the concert is: swoon.

I have no pictures. I have two horrible 7 second videos on my camera phone, but I don’t know how to send those to you. We had theee best seats ever, along the perimeter of the restaurant, with nice fancy chairs, and a waiter! We could just sit there, separated from the “regular folks” and watch the hottest guy ever dance and sing. I know that all of us at the end of it had a lot more love for JT.

I think that’s it. Would I spend that ridiculous amount of money on the show again? Yes! Would I pay even more? Um totally.

Oh wait, one more thing, do you remember being 10 years old and reading Tiger Beat and falling ridiculously painfully in love with someone (for me it was Johnny Depp when he was in 21 Jump Street). So you put the photos/posters up in your room of Johnny and you spend an obscene amount of time pining for him, wondering what it would be like to kiss him, wishing that you could just meet him one day because he would totally want to marry your 10 year old being if.he.just.met.you.? That was what the feeling was like last night watching Justin.

Swoon.

-ES.

HARRY FUCKING POTTER!!?!?!!! very weird. parents are pissed about it. whatever he’s growing up and not going to have that fucking lightning bolt on his forehead forever get over it.

shocking blue, venus

we hung out with these guys last nite at c’est what with sean it was fun they are cool they have a show on friday at o’grady’s and while that particular venue seems a bit off they sold me on it, i am looking forward to wasted university tools and hipsters dancing, united as one.

when we showed up sean was having a “business meeting” with leviride so fil and i pulled a mrs. doubtfire and sat across the room at our own table and stared at sean through a fish tank until it was too weird and he called us over though by then fil and i were playing pool, he lied and said he wasn’t very good at it. before that we ate i had chicken tikka masala and fil ordered a lamb burger BUT they brought him a bison burger instead, i had a bite and was um uh this does not taste like lamb, it has an after-taste not unlike lamb but it’s way dry and well, eh, thinking about it now my empty stomache is roller-coastering.

what else.

bob asked what we did for scracth, fil gave his adult job description i just said i talk a lot of shit, basically — he had previously made a blog joke so it was funny that i got to say yeah well i blog. i’d rather say i do nothing, i fringe.

i was just watching this look-a-like show and they got some dude who looks like johnny depp and they made him look even more like johnny depp and now i am jealous that i do not look like johnny depp. it has however inspired me to draw him, some horny bitch will buy my huge johnny depp canvas, surely. i’m not sure WHICH johnny depp to do though, jack sparrow is definitely OUT don’t go there. please advise.

one more thing i like the emily haines & the soft skeleton album, and i know i’ve mentioned before my disdain for her, i know it’s not cos of jealousy, i just realised i hate her for the same reasons i hate myself.

cid is in love with the essence of my being right now he is in my arms kneading at the air purring hornily trying to be as close to me as possible and his huge rabbit-like feet keep pushing the laptop away from me i made the mistake of looking at him a few minutes ago and went PSS PSSS psss i know this love-fest will soon turn sour and it will be time-out for cid. though i might go back to bed and watch tv. i had to get up to make sure i wrote BIASED instead of UNBIASED in my last post, damage control. my back-up plan was going to be resorting to sticks and stones hurling ie I WAS BEING SARCASTIC YOU FUCKS.

UPDATE CID IS NOW A PURRING SNORING DONUT IN MY ARMS.

i am putting final fantasy’s has a good home on itunes the end i think it is better than he poos clouds.

oh and rented vice’s guide to travel it was finally in at queen i have it for the week and it comes with a little book to read. it’s pretty amazing you will shit in your pants if you are a scrawny little mama’s boy or something so watch it.

this guy wrote a top ten canadian bloggers list and lamented that there weren’t enough “smart” canadian female bloggers and now all these nerds are bandwagon-jumping offering up a ton of female bloggers and i noticed i was not included in the majority of those lists, and i’m not surprised. while it is the easy route to dismiss me and pass me off as NOT SMART it’s a cheap shot, for the most part.

before addressing and defending my intelligence honour i would like to point out how fucking pompous it is for all these dudes to state that the “The blogosphere is still a male-dominated thing” — that is quite a bold fucking statement to make, audacious and untrue, pot-stirring, deeming something fact when it isn’t. STILL? when was it EVER male dominated? sorry dude but i haven’t been living in a cave with my eyes stapled shut and my fingers in my ears for the last ten years so i do NOT recall the blogosphere or any fucking corner of the internet EVER being male-dominant. i have been blogging longer then all these fucks and from then up to now i have NEVER noticed an imbalance in blogging when it comes to gender, AND even IF there was, so what? why are they starting a gender war? oh ho ho we “noticed” there aren’t enough “smart” women blogging lets BLOG ABOUT IT. fuck you, losers.

here is the entire quote:

The blogosphere is still a male-dominated thing (for example, only 55 57 blogs out of 326 Prog Blog affiliates are women bloggers – roughly 17%), but that’s slowly changing, and quite honestly, the ones that are out there all write pretty darn well. You just have to take the time to look for them.

oh thanks for your totally fucking biased example, scott.

anyway, again, i’m not shocked at being ignored amongst these people’s lists, funny, i am suppose to be canada’s #1 blogger yet i’m not “smart” ? i didn’t know that if you wanted to be smart you had to acknowledge progressive media and politics and write boring dribble daily. lame.

with these people tooting their i am smarter than the rest of the blogosphere horns you’d think they would “get” my blog and that it is a mockery of intellect.

i am shunned because of all this “exposure” i receive, bitches whining about it WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT RAYMI WAAAH. ungh.

sorry i brought this up.

this is adorable:

dad at comedy barn

this will kill you.

i finished reading jesus land a memoir on sunday, it is a great read. i sat in the tub bawling when i was done. turns out the author julia scheeres has a blog. jesus land is a very frustrating read, everyone is a christian lunatic and the ones who aren’t are extremely racist pieces of shit. discovering her site after reading the book is amazing cos there’s family pictures and a whole bunch of other shit to go through. basically it’s about julia growing up white with two adopted black brothers their mother is a christian psycho and the dad is never around they live in rural indiana and everyone in town and school is racist and inevitably they are sent away to the dominican to a christian reform school, pretty much every character they encounter along the way you want to fucking murder. read it. don’t go through the pictures though well go through some but don’t go through the ones near the end it will spoil it.

Ryan: you should start a rent a friend business

me: how do i do that

Ryan: i bet a lot of urban jerks would love to have a posse for a night
um start a webpage ,torontorentafriendservice.ca

me: u mean just hang out for work

Ryan: i think so
well there are randomer ways of making money

me: it wouldnt work i cant even get my real friends to hang out with me how would i get strangers to pay me to hang out with them?

Ryan: sucker them
see i think you’re cool, from reading your blog that’s the impression
i suppose you’re as uncool as anyone but that’s beside the point

me: i am neurotic and annoying
annoying people are well annoying
so i get it

Ryan: ok well there should be a network

me: it is lonely at the top

Ryan: if someone wants a neurotic annoying person then they choose you
for like a night when their real friends ditch them or they want to make an ex jealous

me: well i am more things than just annoying
like sweet but i get obnoxious if you are boring me

Ryan: yeah you could sit there and look pretty

me: and then people think i am wasted
but im not

Ryan: oh is THAT it
you’re good-lookin’.
i’d say…a handsome female.

me: oh yeah and im very good looking thats a big factor peple dont want to hang with me cos i am so good looking they feel like trolls

Ryan: other people are good-looking too
is it all in yr head that people don’t want to hang with you?
i mean you’re enthusiastic about drinking so what else is there.

me: dude i dont know im totally fucking joking right now
people cant handle my truth?
i am too transient i guess
i dont know people just do their own thing

Ryan: how do you start to accumulate hits, i’m starting a new blog with a friend.

me: uh i dont want to talk about that shit
if you dont know how then you are stupid and it will never happen

Ryan: i like yr idea of suckering people into reading anything you could spin off

me: BE INTERESTING
BE RELEVANT
BE COOL
BE FUNNY
BE GOOD LOOKING
THE END

Ryan: i know how but is there a shortcut

me: porn is the shortcut

Ryan: hahah ok check.
wouldn’t that be rude though
to show a dick
i would feel slighted to accidentally see a dick wouldn’t you

me: not you porn naked bitches porn