last nite i smoked the sweet sweet cheeba, sheeba? i am so old and far from pot smoking that i don’t know what the terminology is anymore anyway here are all the irrational thoughts i had i call this “FUN” WITH PARANOIA!:

well, i already told you about my journals all 20 of them being taken from me cos somehow the people of bloor knew i was coming? i figured everyone was hot for my teenage journals and scrapbooks, i don’t know why just cos, just cos.

sarah and mark started to talk about that aqua teen hunger force scandal thing to which i had no previous knowledge of so when they got to making terrorist jokes i had to decide whether or not their entire conversation was just an elaborate scheme to secretly inform me via a bevy of gestures and bold statements that i was suppose to jump out of the window or have a severe panic attack.

i think that was the highpoint of my paranoia, nothing else stands out OH i did think that the cab driver was going to follow me up to the condo and rape and murder me after all his friends climbed up the balcony and had their way with me so in every room in the apartment i was figuring out which things would make the best weapons. it didn’t help matters at all that cid has been a huge sketchbag since fil left, he keeps pacing and being all low to the ground when he walks like he is having ‘NAM flashbacks.

i always think people are watching me at night but it is especially spooky when you are alone and HIGH holy crap those branches MOVE are they branches or are they homeless crankheads who have super human strength and ability to launch themselves over my balcony from standing on the slide at the park?

then i obsessed over eating a chocolate molten lava cake but i didn’t succumb.

i’m still thinking about it.

i have discovered the secret link to my sweets-craving, WEED. so next time i am at fil’s mom’s for dinner and she gets hurt by my poo-pooing a dessert i will just take out a one-hitter right there on the spot and get high, then wait an hour, then have some ice cream AND two more helpings of dinner and laugh my face off to family guy.

xtina on leno

sperm stoner

don’t tease nerds

noel made me come over and get all my journals he’s been babysitting for a couple years, he even made notes on several hundred pages, what they mean i do not know, there’s all these green stickies sticking out all over the place. i don’t want to give away the idea he/we have in mind for them. anyway i was a bit paranoid bringing them home from his place all by myself i had this picture in my head of a gang of dudes jumping me for my journals? my stupid embarrassing life’s work. there’s maybe 15 of them, 20 perhaps. everyone was reading them last nite too, that was embarrassing though yes i DO enjoy the subject being me it got to be a bit much after awhile (that’s when i was doing a lot of coke, that’s when i was on dxm, that’s, when i was alone in a bar killing time before going to work yes at midnite i was an online “model” etc) so elizabeth and i left so noel could get back to working on his “art” and so on.

before that we went to hurricanes to drink scotch and make fun of people.

never getting married ever

me: hi you are never on g talk

Elizabeth: I know
this is new
and exciting
well
new at least
I just moisturized my hands
fucking feels great
I am having a bush wax tomorrow
Im already wincing
making my wince faces

me: hahaha

Elizabeth: practicing
uuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghh

me: i thought you were down with growing a forest

haha, wang

Elizabeth: oh I am
to a point
then its like a forest grows under the forest
and I have too much hair to deal with
and need to pull it all out

me: when are u going to nols he is planning to go to queen video on college at some point he goes every thursday or something
i told him to call me after that gayness

Elizabeth: I suppose if I maintained it regularly
oh are we done bush talking
um
yeah gayness
dunn

me: seriously you had a major bush over the summer

Elizabeth: nick is leaving soon
yeah its bigger now

me: are you last minute boyfriending it up

Elizabeth: yeah
but it isnt proving to be very enjoyable
Im too tired to be nice to him

me: dude i am a lunatic by myself my mental stability diminishes more and more with each passing loner moment

Elizabeth: and all I want is him to kiss my ass and hump me
ummmmmmmmmm
well

me: well come over then and we can subway together
you can drink wine with me

Elizabeth: I have to make him miserable for at least until he leaves
which is within the hour

me: ok

Elizabeth: you should meet me at my subway
my nails are really long

me: i am just taking pictures of myself contorting my body to look the skinniest

Elizabeth: are you gonna be jealous

me: yes
i will probably tell a loud story to distract from your nails

Elizabeth: ok I am going to shower and smell nice for you

me: good i dont want to hang out with a dirty ugly annoying whore

Elizabeth: I will call you befrore subway
oh I am whore too you know

me: i mean i am looking forward to our evening

Elizabeth: reformed whore
still whore
great
me too

me: im putting this on my blog
647-***-****

Elizabeth: with a nick pic of my rack?

me: call when u are ready to roll

Elizabeth: do it up!

me: with your bush

Elizabeth: nick = nice

me: and my beautiful body
yes i got that

Elizabeth: leave the stuff about me wanting to make him miserable

(i was going through my flickr for pictures of elizabeth’s hairy bush and when i finally got to it i double-clicked too many times and it put me back at the beginning of my unorganized set and of course i don’t lable or tag anything so i had to go through everything again — the point is i look like a european bitch here doesn’t it look like i would say SHOOT UP LETS GO FOR VODKA or something?)

march of the yenta

coming soon

+++

my mom has been posting old pictures of her when she was a teenager and her captions/descriptions that go along w/ are quite uh, slutty. she use to tell me stories of how sweet and virginal she was i guess to try and get me to be good, turns out she is just a LYING WHORE like the rest of us.

and here we are together, look at me partying.

here i am as an angel pretending to pray, grade two. hey mom learn how to scan OR if you are taking a picture of a picture use MACRO.

my brother and i, i look like an asshole even THEN.

yous guys’s have probably already seen the doherty shooting coke video what i want to know is who filmed it? also i would like to point out that i drew his picture BEFORE this video came to be and also i drew saddam hussein a couple weeks BEFORE his hanging so i am like sarah michelle geller in that movie where she cries and laughs when she is cooking and then everyone who eats her food they have emotional spazz attacks EXCEPT whoever i draw DIES or gets fucked in the tabloids. nice. i would say tom cruise is next but he is already fucked beyond all compromise. i don’t want to jinx johnny depp so maybe i won’t draw him. or i will.

i liked match point it was not at all what i expected i’m glad i watched it alone cos if fil was with me i would be too busy obsessing over scarlett’s body and deep fuck me voice and accusing fil of picturing himself in her slender arms and me standing on the street corner being splashed by taxis watching as my life turns to shit and so on.

one thing that is annoying is how everyone is so totally fucking naive to this one dude’s comings and goings is it suppose to be a british i don’t want to know cos i am too rich and fabulous thing? they end every scene when the one dude is up to no good with everyone just falling for his lies. if this movie was american or canadian or rather STARRED ME i would be a psycho nag on that dude and would not let his shit go by at all, the movie would have been over way sooner because i am a detective and i don’t trust anyone cos they are all out to get me all the time. also it is a very long movie so if you are a loner like me this will eat up a bunch of time and you won’t even cry about it you will be sitting with your arms crossed shaking your head saying well i never etc.

one part that is stupid and poorly acted is when the dude who is with scarlett is all I BROKE UP WITH HER he met someone else. DUDE! YEAH RIGHT YOU STUPID FUCKING LIAR WORST ACTING EVER!!! i bet everyone watching as that scene was filmed were all pffft totally not buying it what fictional fucking character would give up a scarlett johansson not to be a lesbian or anything but holy crap. HOLY CRAP! IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE A STUPID RETARD DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME NOT IN MY MOVIE!

in other news, WHAT THE HELL NICOLAS CAGE?

i went to sushi on bloor and ate alone i ordered the sashimi bronze for ten bucks ten pieces but they give you 16 pieces? decent. i also got an unagi handroll. i had a four person table to myself which was nice until a slew of whimsical annex fuckfaces came in the door and told stories to each other loudly while i was finishing my meal and reading a homosexual crime novel (literally a book about gay gangsters i know i throw around GAY a lot and don’t mean it other than to describe something cheesy but this time i oh nevermind) and this little kid kept rattling the soya sauce bottle on my table wavering it around so i let him do it for thirty seconds before i SLAMMED my left hand hard on the table looked him in the eye and said CAN YOU STOP THAT he was maybe 8 so i felt especially brave, his mom wasn’t looking either HAHA eight year old. this dude saw it all go down and i felt like he mentally gave me a high-five after i did it and prior to that he was like i hate that little white devil.

a party of three teachers were leaning against the two chairs at my table too like it was fucking chat-central and they kept asking the waitress when a table would be ready and they sighed a lot and one told a story about her autistic grade ones and she acted out how one of them kept asking to go to the bathroom.

holy shit people i am drinking a fucking asahi at 5pm does it look like i want to listen to any words from anyone’s fucking mouth right now other than SAKE ARIGATO WASABI ASAHI SAPPORO?

i get that it’s annoying that i am taking up a four person table but it was dead when i got there and every other fucking loner white lady that came in after me asked for a booth or a bigger table and they got one why are you all picking on me it’s because i am beautiful right and closest to the door? maybe if you shut up so i don’t have to re-read the same fucking gay crime novel page ten times i can finish my meal quickly and get out of there so that YOU can waste everybody’s time, leisurely eating your bento box I HATE EVERYONE IN THE ANNEX WHITE PEOPLE ESPECIALLY EXCEPT FOR ME (and some people i know ok i only hate strangers)!! you are not allowed to act all breezy and nonchalant when really just under the surface you will lose your fucking mind if you have to wait two minutes for a table GO SOMEWHERE ELSE IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE WAITING. i’m sorry my eating here alone at this table and arriving before you personally offends you so much.

after that i went to that new nerd-central book store bmv whatever and bought two books and asked if they took books in exchange for cash/credit and they do and of course the dude had to tell me all this extra information about it that i didn’t wask for and he was wearing jogging pants.

then i bought leg warmers and some sunglasses.

bye.

oh fil just came home and brought me one of those iv bags of wine or more accurately a wine skin OR a maple syrup bag something with a little spout you don’t even need a glass HELLO LIVER PARTY!

he has to go away now to his dad’s then a work ski-trip thing so i am alone i rented a bunch of movies i will probably not go to that blogtv.ca thing but if you want to do something fun in lieu of then call me if not then i will just be wine-crying on the couch to match point.

more nyc this batch is brought to you by my little fugly hands