Hands down the most interesting of socials experiments of all the stupid things I have done. That’s Raegan, she got more attention than my Captain Kangaroo get-up I KNOW right? Everyone came up to her asking the same thing, I like your hat is that a camera? No, it’s a banana Einstein. Hahaa. I was on fumes from Nuit Blanche so obvi got loaded in seconds and we enforced a rule off the bat that Raegan would match me drink for drink. Funny right? So you have me, your hero, on camera and then a second party looking down into their goblet POV-style. Can’t wait to see the footage, it sounds under-water because of the case (it was raining) on it. I am going to take it to Portishead and do a spiral launch in to the mosh pit. Just kidding. Ok these are just my blackberry shots of all the crap I’ve been up to since the beginning of the week. Felt like an 8 day work week for me.

I look awful posh though no? Sorry for burning your boxes for empties black oak (I’ve seen their brewery before, it’s across the street from a jail. I laugh at the idea of a guy breaking out and then in to a brewery).

Don’t worry I have lots of experience with pyromania. Have you got 5 hours? Ooh look we’re being photographed by that guy. Media everywhere and bloggers but like, elitist eccentrics. Chef royalty, celebs, what a freak show. Such a good day.

One part of ONE hall. It was packed to the tits. Remember I gave you a tour of the Brickworks before? And I climbed that thing? Same place.

My jacket was a hit. I always dress setting-appropriate and this jacket is worth more than my life, so… It goes with my legally blonde delusions of grandeur. The hat is from Fabulous Valency her hubby is an air force pilot and his crew (platoon, fleet? I dunno) were in Transformers, the first one, in the beginning they chopper in to the desert blabbity blah transformers show up cue explosions. I told this story fifteen times or so thanks to wearing an air force hat and I am soon to own another one thanks to Harth Air uniforms. Ps. do you think Megan Fox should have been canned for her Nazi remark?

I was in the bath, somehow my nail polishes are scattered to fro and sunder so we came up with silver and purple and it seemed like a good idea coming out of the art crawl zany dress-up of the night prior. It’s not a brickworks tour unless I am sleep deprived and hungover yah. Mom don’t start.

Nothing like a hot bath. What is it with crazy girls and baths?

McDonald’s won out over a wrap. I wanted poutine. Line-up no way.

Side stage left was where all the cool kids hung out, the musicians. I was shy. I came I sang I conquered I split. The spirit of Kurt was in me.

Oh my god can you imagine if one of those things popped? Nightmare.

My phone click made a noise when I took this. Was embarrassing. People need to loosen up though, it felt a bit tense. Seeing seas of hating me faces (my perceived) and loving me faces, I was on autopilot and guess what all my methods I have put to practise and they are tried and true. Some competition in the room, I’m sorry lady (a certain panelist didn’t want to meet me) but you may be a notable via your tv start proper but I earned my way here via this very thing that this fucking panel is about (I haven’t had a swear word on my blog in weeks til now thanks by the way, to you) so maybe you should ALL listen to me. I got here by working twice as hard as you, with substance, honesty and integrity, I didn’t have a media pr start and leave out of that with contacts and kiss-ass suck-ups throwing me media bones and I DON’T backstab and throw people under buses I RECEIVE THAT INSTEAD. By the end of my panel I was finally heated enough to cut off a long and boring droner of a woman who was only there to talk about herself like everybody else always is at panels, I can’t remember but it was something like needing more buzz and then all the “professionals” chimed in and listed some indecipherable “strategies” based on bullshit so I interrupted and said YOU HAVE TO CHANGE IT UP, WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING, CHANGE IT. You want buzz? MAKE buzz. I’ll save all this for my post with my shots from the conference, which was a totally great time, experience, and success. Love ya Donna!

GTG BRB.

Rosana on the right sent me this!

Hey Lauren,

-rosanna

DARLING!

I just sent her back an insane email, I was trying to be funny and that’s the thing about humour if it isn’t funny it’s just insane. Jokes are like life preservers, you throw them out but not everyone catches them. I am on a metaphor roll these days, on the panel I made a metaphor about a water pitcher and a good looking product (you/blogger) and I was like WILL ONE OF THESE WOMEN CUT ME OFF AND SAVE ME YET? Hahah. Colleague has video of my talk and then I was interviewed by some guy and got to say the rest of my notes, pretty good delivery too, maybe some metaphors. Was that even a metaphor I made? Yeah if it starts with LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES then it’s a metaphor. No wait, a simile. Ack.

This makes me want to vom right now. It’s like zero booze too, I didn’t get wasted at all, well, I didn’t require it.

That’s me and Farah, they did my under eyes with a bit of charcoal. I have left my makeup at my dad’s again and had to re-buy stuff. That’s twice in a month. I am a dough head. I need a manager. Thought Farah would be there again yesterday to do makeup, ahha wrong. I finished my eyes in the loo.

Head wreathe is from Quebec City and the dress belongs to Britt. Britt has 23456 little dresses. I have to give it back to her before Christmas time and what’s funny is, this is the first time I’ve ever worn it, was never tiny enough to wear it confidently.

Way better looking now.

Mark hung with coug crew and I. Fun time. Got sozzled. Gahah that guy looks like he is making out with my mom.

This was a second after Lois almost bailed. I had been making tons of going over on our ankles wedges jokes and we just dashed across the street over the tracks waving to cops and stuff and wham! There’s another picture coming up, I have to d/l these from my mom’s FB. This is the only neurotic way I ever get photos from her. Serenity now. Sigh.

Team corporate Thursday lol.

Blaha time speed up two hours later? Nahh just an hour.

I went to put these on yesterday but they were gone, I gave one to each of those birds. They bought me prezzies (ew I never say that word and I am never saying it again) so raymi the lush passed them on.

With the Shes-connected back-drop thing.

Red carpet practise 101: personify AWESOME.

Be a cabbage patch kid. Hi I’m the event fairy, sprinkle sprinkle. I am this close to buying fairy wings. Ok guess what I’ve looked over my notes and have just decided, that I am buying fairy wings. Ahha that’s a play on a joke from last night, “Shut up. Hey guess what? We talked it over, looked at the figures and have come up with the findings of SHUT UP.”

I sucked at this, she won. The game station guys had french accents from paris. They liked us.

HI Lena! Love our chats! This was a reunion for us blogher girls, we all partied in San Diego together. Brought back fond memories, I think I quoted my girl power kumbaya quote at least ten times.

Thanks for the wiener! Inside joke with Steffy, aw I miss her. Saw a pic of her in her wedding dress. Looks like I am going back to tbay next year. That’s 4 times now and if there’s one more Toronto remark I am taking up cage-fighting before I get there.

Missoni rip-off shorts (isn’t there a woman selling her boots for over 30k on ebay? mental!) and I remember this pattern the first time around, courtesy le chateau and they say you shouldn’t do a trend the second time around if you were alive for it the first time. WRONG: YOU DO IT BETTER. I never got the print from le chateau that I dearly wanted because I had a fixed partying/shopping budget from my part time after school job but LC was my mecca. Speaking of them…

Lisa and I got gassed at the 3M party luau that I gate-crashed and almost lit myself on fire but they still sent me a back to school package plus a water jug (like a brita) I drink more water now and will probably live longer and have better skin for it. Hi Lisa!

Why did I suck so bad? Maybe because I was too busy flirting with the french boys.

My rack looked great this night. When the dress was passed off to me by Britt she said, it’s VERY SLUTTY and the cleavage is deep. Teacher bought me the bra in burlington cos he packed (HORRIBLY) for me and I didn’t want to have my party hats showing through my fred perry shirt at the 90’s party all night long in front of my brother and his friends.

Every time my mom and Lois come to town it is a bonafide shit show, here is when they arrive at the sheraton and I am trying to get this guy to direct them to the underground parking. I was like ok good luck meet ya inside.

Lovin’ the shorts.

Good one mom.

This one too omg it’s the rat race. That brings back commuter stress anxiety big time but it’s an amazing shot.

Little miss Cammi and I. Love that girl.

Hilarious. That guy was BLASTED! He was saying ridiculous double meaning sinister things. I think my mom got a video too.

Look how stressed out video games make you look. You should see me playing Hell’s Kitchen, edge of couch totally tensed up and terrified (gordon ramsay screams at you the whole time hahaha) I don’t even know how that game can be considered fun? Doom also makes me a wreck, knowing an alien is going to jump out at you or Hitler behind every corner, it’s too scary.

That dress is unforgiving. Hanging and bonding and friending with Katrina was an #SCCTO highlight for sure :). Her boy is autistic and she is so humoured about it and trashed on Jenny Mccarthy and I said that I heard autistic people would be like dolphins of all the mammals, severely intelligent, trying to communicate yet unreachable, maybe indecipherable. I am touched by these people and fascinated and when I’m done with about face (another cause I love and have newly learned about, tell you more later) I want to do Angelina Jolie type sh- for an Autism foundation.

Lots of brie!

Hey Rye/Steph that guy is from TBay but I don’t know much else cos I was too busy bragging about climbing that mountain and he kept asking which one and was like, in Red Rock and Nazis died falling down it. I climbed it twice. The second time in a bikini.

What am I thinking about here?

Just anotha night with the Kerouacs.

Hahah mom what was that little man yabbering on about the whole time to you? They thought the other one looked like Robbie Williams but kept saying RoBIN Williams. Meanwhile Mark and I are blabbity blah about other stuff and they keep repeating robin williams gahah classic.

The scene of many many many past crimes. No not real crimes. I stayed at the sheraton for a week once to avoid every single person I know when our group had mad dramz going down. I wasted a lot of money, I was young and dumb.

Doing our Raymaoke. Do you remember this old blog I had about karaoke SING IT AND THEY WILL COME.

Still my favourite picture and emotion eric is still around! AHHAHAHAA. Oh no wait his last entry was 2008. I have been hyperlinking to him since 2004!

I look like my niece here I’ll get a photo to prove it.

Katrina is one of those chicks who look like they are ten years old but have two kids and live in kitchener oakville omg f- off. Why do moms look younger than party girls? I think I just invented a new reality show called party girls vs the moms. Moms are perfectionists, ultra Alphas. Scary. Hi I love you!

As if I am not going to morph into an exact replica of my mother. Dad said in one of the pics of me interviewing Sam Roberts I am making a Tracey face.

One gal said I was wearing Snooki glasses. HAHAH we have to catch up on our Jersey stories.

These Argentinean babes were so on the prowl. I lured them over to our table and my mom mean girled them lol. Hi welcome to the Kardashians.

They’re so cute! I got party mamas. Part of my brand is big on family. Mother daughter relationships are contentious so lets duke it out at an event ma. We made the Grid together too ya know. BOO YA!

Goldsbie in the grid added my little exclusive tidbit to his ford stalking column feature. I knew about this event a month in advance, I knew Aykroyd would be the host. You’d think the media would be nicer to me I might dole out some celeb tips. Tomorrow I’ma be all over David Suzuki like Mario and Tanooki BAAM!

We love our events, espesh the fun ones. We have ADD too so it was perfect, so many stalls to hop to.

I love how eighties Toronto can look sometimes. It reminds me of adventures in babysitting when she is on the skyscraper outside window and sees the parents of the kids at that cocktail party on like the 50th story something ridiculous. I was raised on cinema. I have seen EVERY FILM. I don’t understand people who haven’t seen major motion pictures like the staples. Blows my mind. You are not participating on the planet that way.

I bought us matching bling rings in San Diego. Rose tipped me off that my fav jewelry store was near our hotel. I want to go to made you look now.

I am a swag hag.

I had a dirty martini. Which then we had to discuss and then I schooled everybody. I like when people think I am stupid. I am a one-upper when bored.

Look I am catching Lois’ wipe out. I look like a golden grasshopper. That should be a sexy costume don’t.

Oh my god look at that hot french frog check us out. I bet he wanted my mom that’s so french, and so are we.

I like that Lois rocks stripper heels on a regular basis. Deeta Von Teese said when dating Marilyn Manson that he understood her necessity to put on garters and make up and perfect hair, fishnets high stilettos just to go to the supermarket. CRAY-ZAY girl I’m maad hungray hurry your ass up and as if she grocery shops. She is a delicate angel she floats on feather cushions in Paris.

What were we talking about here Kat?

Thanks Lois! It’s a shirt with a girl who looks like me.

Hi Ammar! Ammar rules!

Lining up your head with the neck isn’t so easy. There is an art to photo perfection.

Got these lads drankin’ Raymi kool-aid.

I honked the horn like a maniac. They tried to keep us in the car doing round after round of videos. It was surreal and funny. We speed event’d cos we had Keg designs haha.

My mom and I stayed at the Sheraton when I was a month shy of 15. We partied. My Dad and brother had boys weekends with my uncle Roger so it was only fair. The first time I realized we weren’t normal was from the reaction from a chamber maid regarding a massive Santa Claus we had displayed in our hotel room window facing down on Nathan Phillips square (Mom bought it majorly discounted from CrabTree and Evelyn at Eatons Center, she’s like Martha Stewart) but this was in MARCH so it was a bit out of season, hence the discount. The maid was all O-faced and said you people are…different, yeah? HAhA WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? Here’s your tip lady. Live your life like Entourage and you’ll go far.

Drunk yuppies smashing glasses everywhere told ya, mom got cut! at keg too, so burly!

Thanks for the drinks men! LOL.

GAahahhaha I am so hungover and having a hangover beer which instantly makes me feel smashed and this is hilarious to me right now I can’t wait to stop typing so I can look at it again. I haven’t even got around to posting my mom’s photos from my Tattoo Rock parlour Burlesque night, the limo ride all the way to Salvador Darling for ADVENTUREHOUSE V or six, what is the roman numeral for 6? For newcomers, adventurehouse is/was a dj night we threw at salvador darling but idiots thought it was a house party at our house CALLED Adventurehouse (by me) and My mom and Lois came to one and thought it was hilarious, full of ADD-riddled parkdale lushes and eccentrics and hip people, weirdos plus us. I went in my burlesque bra and bettie page shorts I’ll post those another time.

My mom is psychotically competitive too. She’s got Queen Bee complex.

I am amazing at video games I don’t know how I was so terrible at this.

I leave you with this photo of Casie and I on St.Patties Day a million years ago. You’d have to pay to hear the real trouble we got up to this night hahaha. PAYCE!

SHAMON-RA IT’S OVER!