Tag Archives: writer

Dear blog

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How’s it going?

I am full of beans today I feel f*cking fantastic!

I Napoleon Dynamite’d a sample of cold brew coffee this AM on my bike ride to work and I made awesome time to the office. A starbucks employee had a tray with one drink left on it and an egg sammy (hate people who say that but I had to) I go I’ll take that bro! The kid looked all around til he noticed me on my bike with my hand outstretched. He goes okay, comes over, gives me the song and dance about what kind of coffee it is and I chugged it right down thank god it was a cold drink. I went to eat the egg thing but thought better of it (too much chewing) then peddled off. All the cars waiting at the red light I like to think were like GO SISTER YASS. My thighs are getting stronger and I can tackle steep hills uphill without dying as much or jumping off to walk my bike in failure. I still jump curbs and shit like a prick so enjoy the visual if you have time.

I stayed up late-ish last night and miraculously awoke without a hangover. I feel capital Raymazing. You might even think manic but nope, I am just happy. Happiness is a warm gun and I’m gonna shoot mine at everyone.

I have been wearing this jacket a lot. When you have too many clothes and then favour one thing for days out of protest with nobody. With your wardrobe. I defy thee, Fanciful clothes!

I always bring a backup outfit after biking to work but then I keep my sporty look on because it feels like a power look and adds some pep to my step. When I wear my stuffy office clothes I feel like a frump hiding a gross body. If you wear work-out clothes as real clothes you make slightly healthier choices. The system works.

Oh yes it gets stupider looking. Thanks for the pants mom!

We got a hotel so we could go swimming and felt like summer didn’t just blow on by. We spent one hour only in the pool. They got rid of the hot tub at the Sheraton which is fine because the pool is heated. You know what’s hilarious about looking like a degenerate Baywatch lifeguard swimming to-and-fro like an off the clock Bill Murray? Everything.

Heather and I didn’t see each other all summer long. Crazy busy girls. It was nice to reunite!

I stopped to scratch my head here I had to take off my helmet to get to the source of the itch then looked up and noticed this, what would you call it?

Such whimsy.

See I wore it last night too. It’s cosmetic this colour. Now you know my secrets.

A brief scene from Friday. Another one for the books. A book that will be slammed closed tight in a vault sunken to the bottom of the ocean.

It was cold af Friday. This week is nice though. Got my Indian summer after all yo make the best of this week.

Went to the ball game. We lost. It was lit.

Scotch Fridays are legendary ’round here. Starts the weekend off right.

BTS KFC commercial. I asked if I could take a pic of their sandwich later on in the day and they all gawked at me like I was a total idiot. Film industry people are GIANT ASSHOLES. They run on no sleep, shit hours, they are always behind schedule and they’re all gruff grumpy and treat you like dog shit so I purposely asked to take the picture because I knew it would be met with disdain. Right again my friends! Not like a chicken sandwich is giving away trade secrets.

I bring you guys the hard-hitting news that you love.

What can I say? I’m just totally drawn to show business.

When the Canadian Tux comes out it’s fall y’all.

My donair from last week. I try not to eat these too often so much BUT when I do I get a big ego trip like I think the pub is in love with me for being so endearing eating their cultural culinary thing like this came out super fast and the cook always peeks under the pass to see who ordered the donair they must be badass then he sees me and I pretend I didn’t see that I saw but I did. Yes my life is this pathetic that I think about shit like this.

Another bike outfit. I wonder what my rear looks like when I am burning it down the road the skirt flips do they think I am a tennis player? I hope so.

This is my teeny room. I am moving btw. To a bachelor. No roommates. I am a big girl now. I hope I don’t regret it only because of the location it’s where all the crack addicts chill on Queen east. Hoping to befriend them and they are cool to tenants who can just call the po on them right?

This was a night I power walked home literally couldn’t tell you which one.

Another day another brilliant outfit. If you reckon I am trolling the world through fashion you’re right. Countdown to copycats.

A day I used the TTC it doesn’t happen often so I took a picture.

Sushi after my hair appt last week with Donna.

Too bad so blurry I love this ladies room.

It’s fashion week and Tiff at the same time in Toronto. Yorkville is quite the neighbourhood to take that all in of course.

Do you get FOMO or JOMO when you see this?

Hey there sports fans. Feeling my new locks. I vow to get my hair did more frequently.

Because look. Thanks again Donna Dolphy! Check her out if you want expensive and healthy looking hair too.

I want that backpack.

Yes the outfit is thrown together weirdness but you know me idgaf.

Fierce face.

I hoarded these on my phone for a year because I liked how I looked this night. In a past life.

Donna’s crazy glasses.

Thuper blonde signing off this thuper post good day one and all.

highly woke

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Hi friends, Happy Saturdaze.

Just checking in to say how are ya.

As I was making coffee this morning I got to thinking, watching the coffee grounds swirl around the sink and after checking on my laundry cycle I thought about something someone said to me once, how I was a “temptress”.

I stuck that in my bonnet for a rainy day. Today. Then I came up with a joke about it, as one does when they’re forced to look at themselves. So, I’m writing a new book called the art of temptation: something I used to know how to do.

That’s the joke.

Anyway, when it comes to marketing, one of the major important steps in the advertising process, is to tempt. Or, to tantalize (delight) then convert into leads.

Bet you weren’t expecting this Mad Men shit foisted on you on a Saturday!

How do I change or evolve? How do I eclipse myself now that I can’t be as brazen and not saying that I cannot. I just mean. How many selfies does it take, because it doesn’t.

I’m going to start making Facebook Live videos once I get proper lighting. Then, I will read to you. Why? So you can hear my voice. Then. I will make singing videos, or audio recordings too because that’s how arrogant I am about my singing ability.

I will also lose some weight by lifting some weights once in awhile. And by dieting. LAME.

When you’re good to yourself and take care of your looks you feel more confident instead of masquerading in a costume day in and out.

We had “book club” twice this week. The second night being last night. A Fridate. Success. We drink through it because the subject matter calls for it plus, we’re like reading here man. I feel like Oprah’s Book Club had wine in it. I am able to keep Julian listening for chapters at a time. It helps with our acting and Rule of The Bone is an easy read.

My friend Sarah (of Radmad infamy. Killer Karaoke parties in the beaches, where I now live, epic gal) bought a painting of mine where I emulated one of the femur bones from the cover of Rule of the Bone THAT is how hardcore passionate I am about this fucking book!

I first picked it up from SSS High and the first page had the word weed on it and I was sold dude.

I see that Banks has a love affair portraying young protagonists. Except for in The Darling, that one is about apes in the congo and all the Civil war bullshit going on there it’s majorly exciting you need to read it.

I like the run-on sentences and affecting different style accents throughout. Sometimes I read aloud as myself, as a hick, a Canadian, or super white trash-like. I will probably read the first chapter on Facebook Live. I can’t always be a keyboard warrior. Sometimes the man behind the curtain needs to step out and throw down.

Yeah she did!

We spent the weekend at my Nana’s. I got to see my Uncle Jim one last time. He died two days ago.

It’s a sentimental time of year. Okay sorry for getting somber.

I see a death almost every day on Facebook, we are all in this together.

I came across this recently. That’s my pops. Miss that guy!!

Okay. It’s shower time soon but I guess I’ll finish this off on a better note, hey?

We are hitting the country today so keep your eyes peeled for some scenic bullcrap coming your way.

It's not just all pho and games.

A video posted by Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) on

I am really feeling boomerang right now as well. I need a tan though.

Homemade pho.

A photo posted by Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) on

Made pho was good.

Something I saw today @toysrus.

A photo posted by Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) on

And like this dog I gtg stare into the abyss now ttyl xo.

your pal raymi

Update:

“I think of ya every time i get dolled up”

Yikes I feel sorry for her!

Lol peace.

blogging on broken glass

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Hello Friday Mcnasties! Do you like how bloggers all try to put this amenable, approachable bullcrap on you like the second you load their blogs oh, you’re doing quirky voice today eh we’ve got a funny guy on the loose here. Well, it’s raining today so wtf else are we going to do here? I’ve uploaded a ton of pics so just be quiet and listen for once please thanks!

I don’t think I had washed my hair for a few days before hitting up our Brass Vixens shoot last Sunday and getting across town during the waterfront marathon was absolute HELL ON EARTH. Why do you have city marathons interrupting city people tryna do their city shit for!? Seriously, please go run in more acceptable places like RUNNING PATHS or FORESTS, MOUNTAINS, SHORELINES, SIDEWALKS… OMFG you cause so many domestic disputes and accidents, road rage, delays, trouble etc for everyone else when you do your stupid selfish charity runs. Just donate the money and call it a day cos donors believe y’all when you say you’ll run for the cure or whatever it is. Running doesn’t cure cancer it causes cancer. There I said it.

This was taken on Thanksgiving weekend and a Little Raymi jazzed it up for me.

This is called Lyra. It’s a combo of aerial and hoop. Circus stuff. Lyra is the hottest craze of all the alternative dance exercise on the market right now and it’s actually sort of easy if you were a monkey on the jungle gym growing up. It’s great for poses and beautiful photos. You should see how the other Vixens do it, they move like fairies made of bendy magic it blows my mind.

Will be doing more of this for sure!

Hey down in front.

Yes alright fine I like birds okay lets not make a big deal about it.

Birds and sunsets if that’s fine by you. I have a colleague who is a (raging nerd) “birder” and every time I so much as post or like anything bird-related he razzes the shit out of me for it. God forbid I like a beautiful video of swans landing in slow motion this bro will immediately invite me to go bird-watching with him and shit hahaha. It’s been 6 years. When we reach 10 I will consider it. I love nature and animals as much as the next person but I don’t exactly feel inclined to grab binoculars and sit in the cold watching something with a beak flap around. Birds are pretty straightforward in my opinion. They have wings, they fly and can crap on you. The end. Oh, I have been dive-bombed by a couple of birds before too which is terrifying lol.

Okay we get it.

We were cast in a thing together over the weekend don’t know if it’s a tv show or a movie but if you think really hard about it you could probably figure out what the production is. A classic. I’ll get sued if I say anything else.

I’ve seen a few plays here. The Elgin and Winter Garden Theatre is an historical, beautiful theatre it’s nice to go there for absolutely free and snoop around its exquisiteness.

A gas leak was afoot down the block from it so felt a little PTSD.

I love Vaudeville. *Googles what vaudeville is*.

I posted some bathroom selfies to be more covert about our location. I’ve seen other cast full-on putting location on blast on other shoots I’m talking IG stories to snapchats and major selfies. It’s harder to police that these days. On another production I did we were going to snitch on a girl as a matter of fact cos we heard she was instagramming fight scenes and integral plot points like WHAT!??! But then we saw she had like 11k followers and it was a private account we didn’t have access to. You get bored and start to go crazy on a seventeen hour shoot. That was the one where my phone went in the pool. Instant karma I guess. Shit like this always happens to me lets be honest so whatever.

In the movie business shockingly, you will meet a ton of awful (and awesome) people. Selfish divas who never made it. Actra people get treated like the sun shines out of their assholes. You recognize some of the same people the more things you do and there’s a few stand-outs I enjoy studying from afar. Like the one guy who ALWAYS LOSES HIS TEMPER and blows up at the room, yelling at us for some answer we don’t have nor are obliged to say and so no one answers him. He lost his cool at lunch time once and then later on tried to be nice to me I was like, nahh.

Another time a lady full on smashed my foot with her heel and I noticed a nice nickel-sized bruise on the top of my foot the other day from that. No one is ever paying attention either, they’re always talking over the directors or AD’s and I do not hesitate to shush the fuck out of them because it keeps us all there longer.

Acting is all about working as a team with so many weaker links. Even though I am a n00b I do not take any shit for example, a chick tried not to let us have the empty chair beside her the other day and guess how well that went over for her? When people think they can get away with rudeness ahh helllll no *removes hoop earrings*.

It’s a competitive industry too as you can imagine so you have to place yourself in a spot you anticipate they will be filming once they call action. I luck out most times by how I look and being tall and just dominating as much space as I can without being desperate. You will definitely see me in like 95% of the stuff I have filmed. There is only one thing I did where I didn’t care as much and happily fell back a little. Earlier shoots are like that. Sleep deprivation kills me above all else.

Whimsical! Click to enlarge.

 

A woman asked me if my glasses were real in the bathroom at one point. Yes. These are REAL glasses. She meant prescription. I said YEP. Then I had to say YES 3 more times and say they were reading glasses (but I do have perfect vision, they help me) and then put them on her face so she could tell. Another woman walked in and mean-girl dissed me by saying those glasses look GREAT on you. The first lady became embarrassed and took them off, passing them back to me I pointedly said thank you, they are $400 Christian Dior glasses and they look great on anyone. BURN. The lady was gobsmacked.

I know what she thought. I was just some poor hipster poser rocking fake frames then I came at her with KNOWLEDGE. They’re from Oakville from a client of mine called Next Optical. Bye. We were all in our black tie wear. See how competitive people are for no reason? Especially older women. It happens all the time. I am a threat I know it. Deal with it or leave. I took it as rudeness because she approached me with arms out as if she was going to take my glasses off my face from the get-go and pop them on hers just to see if she looked pretty in my glasses which she assumed were just costume accessories. Yeah, no, back off.

Please pray for my cousin. She’s not sick she just look like a Lego.

ha.

Went to The Mandarin with his folks last week. It’s their thing. We drove all over town afterward with them hitting agencies collecting checks during rush hour traffic. It was bonkers and we can all laugh about it now.

A side-by-side of my new niece and I.

Twerk class a couple weeks ago. I gave this very shirt off my back to Tash in class cos she was dying in her 3/4 length sweater why did she wear that I dunno but I miss my shirt now oh well I have a purple one still. I prefer to be generous instead of greedy if I can help it.

My hair was ten times rattier after class. I love twerking. It’s scandalous. Isolated movements in dance are hot.

Loving my new phone and its gaudy case. The camera is better than the one on my last phone.

Working way through Kitchen Confidential. Anthony Bourdain is the man. He has the best life and I am going to learn how to do the same by studying his book.

I already know a lot about the food industry, the booze industry and man I’ve got stories and no I ain’t saying I’m an angel. Which reminds me I have made a breakthrough with another publishing house! IT’S MY YEAR BITCH.

How many silly goals in life have you set for yourself? One of mine (or several) is to be acknowledged by my idols. Anthony Bourdain is one of them. Maybe my SEO skills will bring that ol bastard my way. Another way is to get mega-famous, yourself.

Went for sushi the other night and had the best time ever had there becoming Beaches locals now, recognized and adored. There I said it. Met a sake sommelier here too.

My second meeting with a new agency went pretty good! As in they’re sending me a contract. Everytime I try to work in fields that aren’t my true calling (like the service industry) it doesn’t pan out for very long. I am a genius lets be honest and my talents get wasted slinging cocktails lets be honest. It’s like Bill Gates working at Mconald’s like please stop. So I am glad I get to be a freak of nature in an office setting again and use my godgiven social media talents. It is personally rewarding to work as a professional in your very own field of BLOGGING that you have lived and breathed since you were seventeen. Pride comes before a fall so I will shut up now.

Big fam jam parties all Thanksgiving weekend long I am glad I can get back to periodically starving myself again and slimming out okay that’s all for now bye bye!