Tag Archives: drunk

let me tell you about the ketamine guy

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while i wait for my nails to dry and because it’s such a festive story. i only assume it was ketamine, i know that it was something. maybe you can figure it out. maybe it was ecstasy?

the following are pictures of said guy:

when i first noticed him in the middle of our little enclave of people he was extremely into staring at the very essence of his soul in the mirror, in slow motion, INTENSELY, like hi that’s you, that’s me, i am you and you are me you know when you are blasted on whatever and you accidentally look in the mirror then 3 hours later you realize I HAVE BEEN STARING AT MYSELF AND CONTEMPLATING THE UNIVERSE FOR THE PAST THREE HOURS I THINK I FIGURED OUT THE MEANING OF LIFE .

he was COMPLETELY incomprehensible, he told me his name but i forget it now, he was really into SKIN and his bare arms and touching them, stroking them, SHOWCASING THEM ahahahha oh man no i will not touch your arm sorry. he asked us a million times to touch him. yeah i think this is seeming more like E the more i draw back on it and i am fully getting sketched out too, Olé!

yes you have an arm, yes it is veeeeeeeeery long right now and LOOK yes, there it is, right there, hi arm!

HOLY SHIT WHAT A DISCOVERY I DISCOVERED AGAIN: MY ARM

dj behind him was like just get away from this guy, disengage, but then i got really concerned, i asked him if he was alone and he goes I AM ALWAYS ALONE in the slurriest voice ever. oh great you emo poet thanks. then this other dude starts talking to him and looking at me all menacingly and i’m getting nervous cos i keep whispering in his ear i think your friend is on something don’t be offended that i know this (HAHAHAHAHHA)(I was really worried i was being offensive and somehow i was the only one in the world to notice his highness?) and you need to take care of him and i am simultaneously relieved cos now i can pawn him off on this chap sans guilt then the guy says um seriously? i am this close to shoving him (or something like that maybe more violent) i go what so he’s not your friend?? dude says no not at all i thought he was yours and that’s why i was being nice to him i said oh fuck please get him away take care of him do something guy says just ignore him.

steve is a paramedic and he said that the guy could not possibly freeze to death in the span of twelve hours based on friday nite’s temperature so don’t worry if he fell asleep in a snowbank come sun-up someone would find him, even w/o a jacket he’d be fine. thanks steve.

oh right he also kept grabbing my hair and getting his fingers tangled in it and pulling it which is when fil had finally had enough and took his hand out of my hair with his oj simpson gloved hands and steve formed a barricade around my body every time the guy tried to come back. he just couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t allowed to wrap his arms around my hair. aw.

i told you before about fil and his desire to wear his oj simpson gloves inside right? well he mentioned it friday nite too hahahaha he said it’s his thing or something, fil?

on purpose tattoo pose.

matt really hated my tolerance for that fucked up guy, he says i have a problem, based on the previous encounter with the grossman’s guy WHO NATALIE BUMPED INTO YESTERDAY!

hey steph why are you checking your phone?????

intense conversationalist much? jokes guy, jokes.

ok the rest are here if you care or forgot to check last time.

i am now in the feeling nauseous can’t have dairy or will explosively fill my pants stage of my sickness and apparently all my relatives have some form of sickness as well. we bought nice cheese from the cheese boutique, can’t have it. so mad and sad and i cant even drink to tune out the predictable ensuing family tension of fun.

i wish you guises luck as well.

oh and i forget how to curl hair properly, i don’t remember it being that difficult but anyway i want my hair to look like xiaxue‘s so i am watching this now, don’t ask me how to curl basically, watch this she also has extensions i think so if it works for those then this is a pretty good tutorial video:

GROSS MAN

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now that the wine fridge is gone the crap on the floor is more obvious, hate it.

made new butt shorts, i changed outfit last minute slightly and i should have covered my arm last nite it bumped into so many people and is now scabbing all gross (normal) but i’m still paro, i better not have cooties.

i was going to do a shotgunning ketchup pose (of course) and the lid was barely screwed on so this is an almost holy shit reaction.

grossman’s wall is my favourite sketchy wall in all of toronto.

once i gave our waitress one of the camera cases from my swag bag she was very generous in her wine pouring, this was to the brim before i sipped it and took this.

ugh, and so it begins. this guy smelled like crazy, WAS crazy, crazy drunk, aggressive, and we humoured him for way too long as you are about to witness in the following pictures. enjoy. i am so glad i was sitting in the corner protected by the table.

poor erin, this guy talked all over her food, so gross.

he said we were all hot and then accused us of being against queers, said he had a wife but he’s gay, he was all over the place. he eventually called me a punk cos i told him he blew it by touching my friends way too much and i gave him three warnings and politely said if you don’t tone it down i will be forced to get violent. HE ALMOST PULLED HIS DICK OUT!

natalie was going to gas peddle him. she went back and forth between cheering him on and hating him, at all the wrong times too, someone would go to the bathroom and miss out on how much further he was taking things. he called fil pretty and would not shut up.

he lifted his shirt ten thousand times.

sigh. thanks but no thanks.

um we fuckin’ get it already.

then he drags an innocent chick from the other side of the room into his layer of crazy.

aaaaand this is how much other patrons were appreciating him (my favourite picture). the girl was trying to help him out, at first you pity these guys right then they get on your nerves cos they’re so cocked and don’t realise they’re pushing their luck. natalie said she was two hours too late in helping him relax.

red shirt hi there, he was pretty close to removing crazy’s face.

fiiiinally matt goes and complains when he tried to show us his dick, i almost wish i didn’t stop him cos then i’d have an awesome picture for you guys. he told me he had been going to grossman’s before i was born but it sounded like i wurse cominz here befur you wiz even BORN. (he referenced this important FACT multiple times) so i said AND? what is your point? they’ve been tolerating you that long? he didn’t hear any of it though. believe it or not i was the nicest to him of us, erin almost punched his lights out. my other favourite part of the nite was the guitarist’s hair and how the band kept playing throughout.

see his undid fly.

TIME TO GO DUDE!

i love grossman’s, always a guaranteed sloppy time. once he was gone the guy yelling in his face in that one picture nestled in his amazon gf’s lap, so funny.

don’t think i don’t have a conscience, i empathize for drunks and crazies while at the same time being totally entertained by them, it doesn’t stop my compassion for their plight and i can tell that this guy when/if sober is actually a kind soul. issues up the yin yang of course, but still decent. good luck to you sir.

it was funny to me that i was being the sympathizer advice giver and he thought i was his enemy and ruiner of good times because i was gently suggesting he NOT pull out his dick. oh and i was a punk for it too.