it expunges you of your cuckoo. a nice soak. calming, meditative. i can pass out in a bath easy, so have too. don’t worry i won’t drown i lie on my back with my arms up in the air like i’m going down a waterslide, looks totally stupid but for some reason i feel comfortable this way.
i think depression and baths have a link definitely. depressed people generally lead isolated lives (if they’re lucky ahhaa) and you have this expanse of time all around you like a desert and a bath is a nice way to kill time, it’s luxurious, pharaoh’s broads are all about it all drippin’ in gold and rubies, wet and sexy, sign me up.
i do my best thinking in the bath, half the ideas of which swirl down the drain when the plug is pulled, if it was so great i’d go write it down right. if it’s so important then i’ll get up and out to it otherwise the world can wait. one of my favourite raymisms.
i do my nails in the tub then i read, if i have time. this is why it takes me a long time to finish books lately. i don’t make time for them other than in the bath. all my other reading happens on computers.
teacher bought this when i first made mention of bathing and how important it is to me, i’d have to leave to go to adventurehouse to shower cos the hot water here only lasted 2 minutes. teacher got on that shit and made a call, the water people never had to come cos now it’s scalding hot for as long as you want i think they just flipped a switch or something. when the teacher drew my first bath it was kill a baby hot. which i told him. guys don’t know anything about baths cos they not crazy bitches, seen?
speaking of, my hair was good and crazzy. we were discussing the night’s schedule (pizza, wine, lisa, wine, sound academy) and he’s like your hair looks awesome. um i think you are drunk on love right meow cos i look like a skid row scarecrow.
then i was recognized at the chinese restaurant afterward. um we kind of got in a cab car accident too i just remembered but everyone told me i was drunk and it didn’t happen. um i was in the back by the door i felt the nudge heard the scrape and we WERE drag racing that cab (stupidly)(and i smelled burnt rubber!) our driver passes a guy and we kept wavering closer so fucking close it was terrifying i was so pissed then he stops under the bridge they get out shake hands decide to cover their asses that nothing happened and our driver comes back and i am fuming. but teacher and lisa are good about it. maybe if they were sitting where i was sitting they’d change their tunes. anyway, and THEN we all start fighting about where in chinatown we’re going, um i don’t even call it chinatown drunk me was thinking i call it simply just “on spadina” when i am refering to eating chinese food. maybe we should call it spa-china? omg that is so good. i’ll get all lit up again if i type about our squabbling so i’ll end it there. my fortune said i am charming and i made a table of fans beside us. the teacher and i got in a very annoying argument in the cab if i was that driver i’d have shot myself it was so stupid. long story short, i am right. always. haha. ok fine we were both wrong. except one was more wrong than the other and it wasn’t me.
don’t get mad at me get mad at bipolar. if it rhymes it reads. one time at midtown (thanks to me) we were rhyming words to lucas’ name (who wasn’t present but all our scumbag friends were, well maybe he was, were you?) like lucas! pucas! mucus! and then cheryl comes up and goes LUPUS (by mistake) which was downright phenomenal (freudian) because my ex (dirtbag) bf was there who’s beloved sister died of lupus. yeah, sad. good one cheryl i’d say of all the moments you would like to hang yourself for that one would be right up there. i just tore out my favoured longest fingernail this made me so uncomfortable to recount haha. we all turned into statues and then my ex goes it’s fine, what? nothing. like purely normal, so normal, major total good act there, then immediately splits down the stairs and our eyes get HUMONGOUS and cheryl was speechless. tim was just a-gog and put both hands on his head, OH MY GAWD he shuddered laughing and me of course i was in pieces, laughing and cowering, fearing the ensuing explosion at some point down the road.
yes, i am an angel. an arc angel. i’ll have to wikipedia that. wikipedia is the only way i learn things now or twitter. or teacher. he plays tunes for his kids or they talk about dumb shit and i’m like, HOW is THAT learning? man i shoulda been a teacher.
lisa and i sexy dance to sleigh bells together when we’re givin’er so on the weekend when we were shit showing to crown on the ground i’m all do you want to go to this? um hell yeah is the correct answer.
i worked out with tyler today well he had more of his assessing (which is in all actuality a big work out, grueling, you’re being tested for all of your aerobic abilities, to the limit) while i had my workout. he said he wished he started back when i started at the motion room cos we’d be on the same program by now but never too late right. i told him he’s going to become addicted to it soon. james said he did really well on the bike thing. i worked out so hard today i scraped skin off my elbows haha, from the plank on my towel and the bosu thing. pics of all that soon. i said can you imagine if you get all ripped and then the media will be all over you and he goes don’t say that that’s like saying the leafs will win the stanley cup, cart before the horse type deal. fine, i get ya tyler.
these were uploaded may 9. so every time you personal train that is considered one day closer to your goal, that day of work, the time that passes, considering you don’t eat like a pig or drink like belushi, it’s now the 18th so 9 days ago i am 9 days ago fatter in these pictures, this is how my special brain visualizes and breaks down the jargon (terminology) personal trainers deliver me 3 times weekly. i wish we took photos on the wednesday instead because i was uber-duber-lithe, albeit weak (ground zero menses day). i am bloated from being pre-menstrual in these photos. not too badly. ok with that out of the way lets look at me more but quickly though i want to walk stella the pizza crust i just fed her got her all jacked for a jog and now she won’t stop hovering me cos now she thinks my fingers are made of pizza crusts.
all last week and the one before i wore the most dirtbag of outfits. pretty much all the cute outfits you’d see me wearing in front of the fire or in a pub, picture them in exercise form. half my stuff is here and half there.
these pictures are helpful for me to remember moves in case i want to show my mom or do them if i happen to come upon a big exercise ball somewhere. i will run on the beach in south beach every day to ward of fat paranoia.
i can do this with 20s as well. i could go pump iron on venice beach like a nutcase eh. that would be, fun? man i wish my other gym membership wasn’t expired just for one day i’d like to go back all ripped like this and do a bunch of bicep curls, tricep extensions, squats, all of it. i think time would stand still. totally. i could make that happen i know the guy who owns the tanning salon beside it.
i am too busy just to bike to my old gym purely out of spite haha actually no sounds like something i would specifically make time for. ooh yeah totally i hate one of the front desk chicks then of course the dude i picked up somehow even though i was a blob. this is a total jenny jones moment. see my thigh line defined all fine now? kash said ooh you have the line.
south beach here i come baby. i can’t believe it. mostly because i STILL have yet to mail my passport application. that’s the first thing we are doing when teacher gets home. then the reward will be watching french kiss and french kissing. haha.
hahahahaha. ugh. leg lifts? makes your innards all hot like you might crap yourself. that means it’s working. which is what i told tyler today, sometimes you feel like you are going to shit yourself. well, don’t. yeah, i try not to shit myself everyday. we are coming up with new motion room slogans. tyler is like me, non-stop jokery commentary. what a relief!
when your fat days are what your skinny days used to be, you know you’ve made progress. i can say it the other way around too (what people who think they’re smart like to call, vice versa) when my skinny day is a skinny day, uhh, whups, doesn’t work vice versa NOT SO SMART NOW!
i want one. they’re about $150 i think? no idea what it’s called but you resist each other and i guess you extend and bend re-extend each arm like you would a bow and arrow while the other guy pulls, the more you lean the harder it is, there are so many ways to augment this tug of war.
last night i went out as turbo lesbo. i was practising for tonight, which will be an epic shit show no doubt. we are going VVIP to the sound academy for CSS and sleighbells. i hope i don’t dance right over the balcony. why do i feel deaf already? toronto’s penny lane will have quite the interesting adventure post for you tomorrow. if only i had a crystal ball. taking teacher lisa courtney and her brother.
i want cheese so much right now. teacher wouldn’t stop talking about cheese for the rest of the night. after our failure of a meal at harlem underground we left feeling a lot better about ourselves and life in general after all the cheese we had at the drake thanks to my foodie jump rope ties.
cheese off. cheese masters. afrim, cole, michael. afrim was knighted by france re: his cheesexpertise so i think he wins here, just in showing up. however, maybe cole wins because he said his wife knows everything about me, that my name is in their household daily. YOU WIN I DON’T CARE HOW WRONG YOU (if by chance) WERE. then again, michael could win cos he makes great grilled cheese sandwiches (mid-post) but afrim builds cheese adventurehouses, tough call.
he was able to do it based on melodie’s meticulous (incredibly detailed) floor plan of adventurehouse. he said he almost gave up 4 times, it drove him to madness. guy try LIVING in it LOL.
teacher is staring at me like a lovesick puppy in many photos. he had a mysterious groupie somewhere in the room last night who we think we figured out and was kind of dismissive to me (WHAT F–ING ELSE IS NEW WORLD!)(mean girls who are mean because i look like a cupcake are predictably dour i’m sorry the teacher likes cupcakes!)(no i am not) but on twitter was fan-girling over him. SO bizarre. yet again will never link his twitter, been there, done that!
speaking of fan girling see mine here, but i am fan girling them (or just checking in saying hi whatever) but you see how mutual shyness ruins everything or we are all just spread out cuckoo equally? i know afrim is, that guy is awesome. i think i drank too much x-bold coffee (a pot!) today i can’t control what my fingers are typing anymore aggh.
what he didn’t know was that colleague had already thrown him under the bus when he mentioned raymi was coming. i think it’s fair though as i’m always at a disadvantage cos everyone knows me before i know them, or they hide that they know me then i go and talk to them like a regular person all insecure and shit.
today i am washing my hair for the first time since friday’s hair appointment. pretty good. pretty crimpy too. like this cabbage patch doll i used to have. did you know i was born the same year cabbage patch kids were invented? 1983. also same year as the chicken mcnugget. billie jean was the number one song. what am i a category in jeopardy? (yes).
this reminds me of the secret game we play blindfolded, then tell a deep dark (dirty) secret while everyone laughs at you at 4 in the morning ahahhaha.
that’s ivy knight hosting. she liked my outfit (dismissed me). i wore it specifically for her actually. truth. ahahaha. she is an old school foodist. respect.
THIS IS WHAT WORKING LOOKS LIKE. it’s funny following foodies on twitter, shit about wine tastings at 1, luncheons at 3, go life. i knew the cheese was cow’s milk and therefore could use the bovine but first an elusive beautiful nod to our irish temper buddies, emerald will suffice. i call this pairing of jamesons and 3 year aged cheddar EMERALD BOVINE. delicious. i know hockey players for some reason are into jamesons and pickle juice, the only time of which i’ve tried it i was already gassed so i’m none too sure if it’s any good, is it?
nice one. i was propositioned in this lounge last summer. had no idea until i blogged it. fool. i could have made some money hahahaha. lordy knows girl done give that shit away fo free howdy doo!
tyler got an introduction to my hell at The Motion Room and tomorrow we work out together. i get to exercise with a barenaked lady, i think that means i have arrived? nahh we friends, he lives in the naybe of TMR (the junction) all the cosmos have aligned everybody wins. happy times.
i know how hard this is (the worst ten minutes of your life, not as bad as inclined treadmill ugh) so i am very proud. guy is going to inspire so many. lives the good life like a king, i say you’re a celebrity you need a personal trainer so come get sculpted raymbo styles and he’s all, game on wayne (rayme).
i better watch myself tonight then, i remember what boozebag work outs are like, no fun.
ya let me see what you (though you probably have eyebrows unlike me now) look like after andrew is done with you. the uglier you come out of the trenches, the more alien-like sculpted your torso shall be.
can you talk about your BLOG VOICE as an alt to associate press boring normative journalism voice that we read daily in those subway papers, now, eye etc.
absolutely. i am queen of the one liner soundbyte and my insights, when i bother making them, are succinct and jarring. i eminem that shit. my tone is such that i kind of bully my opinion as fact and my illogic takes you on a magical carpet ride into didn’t see that coming territory. it’s escapist, absurdist and addictive. i feel wholely that my brain is cracked, it’s not right, well, it is it’s just missing a filtration skin that everybody else has and people like me can only exist by fluke creation, she says dumb shit but she’s smart, and ballsy. so what we have here is an idiot who does the thing, that nobody else is doing, then she writes about it. two actions are necessary for this BLOG VOICE.
the trick is though, when people think i am doing blog voice, i’m not. i’m actually doing book voice. i have spoken to myself in literary narration since i stopped watching lamb chops play-along (i watched it longer than one is ought to). i’m carrying toronto snotty urbanite affectation into the blog arena and unfortunately it comes across a little poisonously.
i made notoriety out of having relationships, various difficult entanglements with men, exploiting my life, feeling a compulsion and demand to do so. i can’t change who or what i am or what i want. i’m no more shallow than any of you, i just go for it and see how much i can get. do i not deserve it? sure. do you? totally. am i stopping you?
i am a mirror, i could be things you are not but want. teacher says i am beautiful and people make me out to be a monster in order to handle the reflection of their own monstrosity that they project on to me, so their shittiness broadcast then becomes my shittiness. i can’t tell you how many times battles come my way, they occur, not of my doing, it’s like i am a fight magnet.
i carry this all with me when i am writing. i write angry and i write hurt. it’s a bizarre thing i made of my life. i am surrounded by idiots constantly hahah just kidding. i’m looking down on the bk parking lot and i see morons trying to park all day long and when they slam into the curbs it’s hysterically awesome.
ok i will actually try and answer the question now.
the day i have to start ripping off other people to get attention will be the day i stop writing. my writing is its own art form, it’s gabliddy gook and i took (used) my brain then painted a destroyed bombshell portrait to look at while reading this je ne sais wtf? it’s only natural for the story to continue. we all need villains and something to aspire to. i am addicted to being driven and people are holding on tight along with me.
after these were taken we went out and had pasta. a lot. well, for me it was, as i never have pasta. teacher says it paw-stuh. ugh annoying. i think steph says it like that too and rye makes fun of her for it. rightly so sir! i told her i am in a marriage race with her haha lol. she is already engaged so, you know, i better step it up.
why do i land guys with a billion fucking animals always? suh-igh. there’s like a fucking castle of animals over there behind me. it’s fine. they all worship me anyway.
eating pasta isn’t worth it, i was in a full on carb coma while watching survivor. during though, it’s always worth it. dilemma. watching a j date go down was fucking best. dessert wasn’t necessary. we went to metro for whoppers (chocolate malt balls, bulk, bin# 10105, expensive!) and these no-bake peanut butter oat cookie things. we almost bought a nanaimo bar medley but realized we were turning into a cathy comic nightmare so we gave it a rest.
i am too afraid to move that pile of blankets crap over there cos of all the animal hair contained. maybe i am developing chest cough cos of all of it? my mom said she had this cough her last go around of illness and was prescribed a puffer, of which she never filled cos the cough went away. i told this to the teacher and he’s like, bubbye cats! NO! sighh speed faint down the stairs in eternal dramatic emotional empathetic sadness. the grey one is my friend. i’m like, who did THAT!? upon discovering puke on something, teacher goes, it was your friend. she cozies up to me ‘n shit. i like it. the other one, lady garbage, jury’s out on her. i mean, i like her skeletal frame come sacrifice when i pick her up but she looks like mangy cats i drunk cuddled in mexico riddled with fleas and eye snot. gross. ok this is not turning into animal blog again. not until i live on a farm at least.
hangover blogging looks like this. this was the art nude vision i had in mind when i first finally began topless photos on my blog, i was 19 (after having been blogging for two years). nerve.com (an AMAZING network) was how it all went down, early adopters of cool type shit, taschen (back when publishing meant anything), digital diaries, also back in disinfo days (i know people who started these dinosaurs). this is the shit that really paved the way on le web. outsider counter-culture documentation. making underground mainstream, total uphill battle. yeah guys i am hella oldschool you do not even know. people who pre-date twitter who are and always will be cooler than you still exist, do exist. they clash with social media storming their scene to date, i see it all the time and field it quite a bit. it’s frustrating for me personally because i am one and the same, yet i gotta dip my toes in both worlds but i certainly pledge my allegiance to one side more than the other.
it’s sad how far we’ve apparently come (yet haven’t) and are still so conservative (in toronto, canada). i get so many snarky remarks, from my own fucking friends, frenemies rather, about my nudity or using my sexuality as a marketable tool. it’s tame if you ask me, but because i for some reason seem to be still the only one still doing it (yawnbusters) i still have the tarnish. so silly. they tell you to play nice and appease corporate and i have done nothing but go against the grain for, years. over a decade and we’re all on the same page right now. so you decide who to go with. the cult icon or the sprinkling of start-ups, green around the ears guys, yeah you may have come from another line or gig or fuck whatever, but, you are not a trailblazer here, not an originator. sorry. firstsies! lulz.
look at that hair. good for it. say so long to that junky table it’s getting pitched. so sayeth the princess. help me decide on a new one on ikea’s site if you’re bored. not that i will listen. lisa says oval. i don’t want it too big to get in the way of dancing.
someone was pulling for a bumblebee outfit, the store owner was suggesting ladybug, but i liked raggedy anne best. it’s more disney-snow white like, princess innocent plus i saw a girl in a bee costume on halloween in burnoutington with black hair so it’s (bee) sullied now. this comes with a bonnet and red/white striped thigh highs. fuh-un. it’s a small and i’m wearing pants beneath it. go cleanse go.
public butter is gonna make a lot of money off teacher if he insists on slum drunking it at the caddy all the time (they be naybes). his wallet’s funeral. eye’s delight though.
now you know what my writing voice sounds like. trying to help you navigate the phrase craze maze. i am nice like that. i don’t always sound like a dinkhead like this. just most of the time. i say words funny and with weird accents, dialects, sometimes i go newf. most times i go awesome.
now we get to tumble back through it again fancy photo styles. brain think THINK how do we reinvent the wheel again, can it be done? it shall be done. nothing like a fancy lady day in photos on blogs while it’s raining out your office windows, wah.
a very important quiz right off the bat, i didn’t know there’d be a test! don’t worry i am a genius and prepare for stuff never. i got this. it was fun questions like, what’s your favourite pair, pbj or bangers n mash, fave twins? obvs i chose olsen twins and they WON the majority and i cheered my balls off.
time to get slizzard. their signature cocktail was acai berry juice and sprite-based (it’s fragrant like a bathroom candle tasting drink i made by accident once that everyone won’t stop making fun of me for). my second i asked for soda water in lieu of sprite, just like momraymi make’s at home! i can photograph recipes with my mind i quite literally am a savant in copious various ways not to horn toot but, i dunno, meet foodie bloggers all the time, one practically clothes-lined hawaii then Nus trying to get her way to my colleague (cb-ties) and i know they take one look at me like i know nothing about food and have no right in it which is infuriating as i am (persecution complex city) blasted by cuisine nerds time and again for my audacious enterprising resto features (the root complaint is that i am biased, we’ve gone over this before) the point is, i can replicate anything i see, taste, drink, with little effort. i AM a foodiexpert, but only because of my memory, not my palette. it’s because i know how to break it down mathematically and i know ok, that’s not true, my palette gets a little more credit here cos i can eat hot garbage and like it a la anthony bourdain in a shanty third world hovel. anywho…
i gave two pots of these to lisa, i noticed the one for dry skin had hardened and solidified (absence of hot lights?) but no it’s just that the texture of the lotion for dry skin is such that yeah, she got dry skin requires thicker product and your skin just soaks it up into nothing. the yang on the right is for dry skin. the yin is for normal. i guess in this circumstance one would want to be normal. oh snap.
they finish each other’s sentences he said. that’s cute. i always wondered if ice partners got down, i think the beginning of their speech was all about clearing that up, the rumours, i couldn’t hear it all though.
i spy Nus too. who is looking fit and hot like a sexy 80’s children’s book author, bit of robert munsch there maybe a sprinkling of fred penner too? am i wrong? i don’t know why i am into that weird big beard what is happening to me right now?
how can i be so down for mondays? i mean not down blah case of the mondays down(er) just, “ok” that it’s monday? i must be happy with life or something boring like that. yay.
