the world can wait

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ever notice how crazy bitches love they baths?

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it expunges you of your cuckoo. a nice soak. calming, meditative. i can pass out in a bath easy, so have too. don’t worry i won’t drown i lie on my back with my arms up in the air like i’m going down a waterslide, looks totally stupid but for some reason i feel comfortable this way.

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i think depression and baths have a link definitely. depressed people generally lead isolated lives (if they’re lucky ahhaa) and you have this expanse of time all around you like a desert and a bath is a nice way to kill time, it’s luxurious, pharaoh’s broads are all about it all drippin’ in gold and rubies, wet and sexy, sign me up.

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i do my best thinking in the bath, half the ideas of which swirl down the drain when the plug is pulled, if it was so great i’d go write it down right. if it’s so important then i’ll get up and out to it otherwise the world can wait. one of my favourite raymisms.

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i do my nails in the tub then i read, if i have time. this is why it takes me a long time to finish books lately. i don’t make time for them other than in the bath. all my other reading happens on computers.

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teacher bought this when i first made mention of bathing and how important it is to me, i’d have to leave to go to adventurehouse to shower cos the hot water here only lasted 2 minutes. teacher got on that shit and made a call, the water people never had to come cos now it’s scalding hot for as long as you want i think they just flipped a switch or something. when the teacher drew my first bath it was kill a baby hot. which i told him. guys don’t know anything about baths cos they not crazy bitches, seen?

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speaking of, my hair was good and crazzy. we were discussing the night’s schedule (pizza, wine, lisa, wine, sound academy) and he’s like your hair looks awesome. um i think you are drunk on love right meow cos i look like a skid row scarecrow.

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david bowie. straight back. no hunches.

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is that, a six pack i spy there?

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hunching to be modest.

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total garbage face but check my bubblebath, smells like grape juice, so real. what are your favourite suds?

SEGUE TIME!

oh here’s a poll from the past with results and you can see where we stand on this query to date.

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great times last night.

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the lighting was great on stage, not so great on me. i will bring my own lights next time, personal pyrotechnics.

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then i was recognized at the chinese restaurant afterward. um we kind of got in a cab car accident too i just remembered but everyone told me i was drunk and it didn’t happen. um i was in the back by the door i felt the nudge heard the scrape and we WERE drag racing that cab (stupidly)(and i smelled burnt rubber!) our driver passes a guy and we kept wavering closer so fucking close it was terrifying i was so pissed then he stops under the bridge they get out shake hands decide to cover their asses that nothing happened and our driver comes back and i am fuming. but teacher and lisa are good about it. maybe if they were sitting where i was sitting they’d change their tunes. anyway, and THEN we all start fighting about where in chinatown we’re going, um i don’t even call it chinatown drunk me was thinking i call it simply just “on spadina” when i am refering to eating chinese food. maybe we should call it spa-china? omg that is so good. i’ll get all lit up again if i type about our squabbling so i’ll end it there. my fortune said i am charming and i made a table of fans beside us. the teacher and i got in a very annoying argument in the cab if i was that driver i’d have shot myself it was so stupid. long story short, i am right. always. haha. ok fine we were both wrong. except one was more wrong than the other and it wasn’t me.

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don’t get mad at me get mad at bipolar. if it rhymes it reads. one time at midtown (thanks to me) we were rhyming words to lucas’ name (who wasn’t present but all our scumbag friends were, well maybe he was, were you?) like lucas! pucas! mucus! and then cheryl comes up and goes LUPUS (by mistake) which was downright phenomenal (freudian) because my ex (dirtbag) bf was there who’s beloved sister died of lupus. yeah, sad. good one cheryl i’d say of all the moments you would like to hang yourself for that one would be right up there. i just tore out my favoured longest fingernail this made me so uncomfortable to recount haha. we all turned into statues and then my ex goes it’s fine, what? nothing. like purely normal, so normal, major total good act there, then immediately splits down the stairs and our eyes get HUMONGOUS and cheryl was speechless. tim was just a-gog and put both hands on his head, OH MY GAWD he shuddered laughing and me of course i was in pieces, laughing and cowering, fearing the ensuing explosion at some point down the road.

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if i wasn’t bipolar i’d be a horribly boring writer i think.

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as uje, it’s always better in VIP.

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yes, i am an angel. an arc angel. i’ll have to wikipedia that. wikipedia is the only way i learn things now or twitter. or teacher. he plays tunes for his kids or they talk about dumb shit and i’m like, HOW is THAT learning? man i shoulda been a teacher.

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lisa and i sexy dance to sleigh bells together when we’re givin’er so on the weekend when we were shit showing to crown on the ground i’m all do you want to go to this? um hell yeah is the correct answer.

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i don’t think i got any pics of courtney and her brother brock. can’t wait to see his pics.

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i worked out with tyler today well he had more of his assessing (which is in all actuality a big work out, grueling, you’re being tested for all of your aerobic abilities, to the limit) while i had my workout. he said he wished he started back when i started at the motion room cos we’d be on the same program by now but never too late right. i told him he’s going to become addicted to it soon. james said he did really well on the bike thing. i worked out so hard today i scraped skin off my elbows haha, from the plank on my towel and the bosu thing. pics of all that soon. i said can you imagine if you get all ripped and then the media will be all over you and he goes don’t say that that’s like saying the leafs will win the stanley cup, cart before the horse type deal. fine, i get ya tyler.

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these were uploaded may 9. so every time you personal train that is considered one day closer to your goal, that day of work, the time that passes, considering you don’t eat like a pig or drink like belushi, it’s now the 18th so 9 days ago i am 9 days ago fatter in these pictures, this is how my special brain visualizes and breaks down the jargon (terminology) personal trainers deliver me 3 times weekly. i wish we took photos on the wednesday instead because i was uber-duber-lithe, albeit weak (ground zero menses day). i am bloated from being pre-menstrual in these photos. not too badly. ok with that out of the way lets look at me more but quickly though i want to walk stella the pizza crust i just fed her got her all jacked for a jog and now she won’t stop hovering me cos now she thinks my fingers are made of pizza crusts.

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all last week and the one before i wore the most dirtbag of outfits. pretty much all the cute outfits you’d see me wearing in front of the fire or in a pub, picture them in exercise form. half my stuff is here and half there.

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these pictures are helpful for me to remember moves in case i want to show my mom or do them if i happen to come upon a big exercise ball somewhere. i will run on the beach in south beach every day to ward of fat paranoia.

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hair’s a bit brassy here, pretty good though i got my hair done on the friday, it was good and rootsy by then.

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oh my god those socks. i look like a clown. i told tyler i was going to work out in rags on friday.

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ew my hand looks gross and tiny. that’s your hand on a good day. lulz.

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that dot on my leg is from something i picked at (mosquito bite) way to go me.

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getting ready for that thing i was doing with the ball i dunno people haha.

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think twice next time you hate on raymi. i could turn you into a pretzel.

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hypnotized?

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i can do this with 20s as well. i could go pump iron on venice beach like a nutcase eh. that would be, fun? man i wish my other gym membership wasn’t expired just for one day i’d like to go back all ripped like this and do a bunch of bicep curls, tricep extensions, squats, all of it. i think time would stand still. totally. i could make that happen i know the guy who owns the tanning salon beside it.

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i am too busy just to bike to my old gym purely out of spite haha actually no sounds like something i would specifically make time for. ooh yeah totally i hate one of the front desk chicks then of course the dude i picked up somehow even though i was a blob. this is a total jenny jones moment. see my thigh line defined all fine now? kash said ooh you have the line.

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hahahaha. the one lone cat hair really sets it off.

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south beach here i come baby. i can’t believe it. mostly because i STILL have yet to mail my passport application. that’s the first thing we are doing when teacher gets home. then the reward will be watching french kiss and french kissing. haha.

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one of my family nicknames is BUM BUM LAUREN. there is a song and dance that goes along with it too. AHHAHAAHAh i wish i was lying but i’m not.

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andrew has a wicked sleeve.

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hi-ya! insert ninja sound effects.

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blaha total stoner outfit HEY DUDES SURF’S UP!

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WATER SKIING!

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hahahahaha. ugh. leg lifts? makes your innards all hot like you might crap yourself. that means it’s working. which is what i told tyler today, sometimes you feel like you are going to shit yourself. well, don’t. yeah, i try not to shit myself everyday. we are coming up with new motion room slogans. tyler is like me, non-stop jokery commentary. what a relief!

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when your fat days are what your skinny days used to be, you know you’ve made progress. i can say it the other way around too (what people who think they’re smart like to call, vice versa) when my skinny day is a skinny day, uhh, whups, doesn’t work vice versa NOT SO SMART NOW!

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this thing’s cool it’s kash’s. i’d take this to a park and everyone would gather around in seconds.

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i want one. they’re about $150 i think? no idea what it’s called but you resist each other and i guess you extend and bend re-extend each arm like you would a bow and arrow while the other guy pulls, the more you lean the harder it is, there are so many ways to augment this tug of war.

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made from truck belts, straps? way cool.

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you really feel it too. the way it’s designed it’s like all these hooks and straps you feel like you’re about to go para-sailing or something.

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ok that’s it i will leave you with one more ugly photo of me.