never getting married ever

me: hi you are never on g talk

Elizabeth: I know
this is new
and exciting
well
new at least
I just moisturized my hands
fucking feels great
I am having a bush wax tomorrow
Im already wincing
making my wince faces

me: hahaha

Elizabeth: practicing
uuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghh

me: i thought you were down with growing a forest

haha, wang

Elizabeth: oh I am
to a point
then its like a forest grows under the forest
and I have too much hair to deal with
and need to pull it all out

me: when are u going to nols he is planning to go to queen video on college at some point he goes every thursday or something
i told him to call me after that gayness

Elizabeth: I suppose if I maintained it regularly
oh are we done bush talking
um
yeah gayness
dunn

me: seriously you had a major bush over the summer

Elizabeth: nick is leaving soon
yeah its bigger now

me: are you last minute boyfriending it up

Elizabeth: yeah
but it isnt proving to be very enjoyable
Im too tired to be nice to him

me: dude i am a lunatic by myself my mental stability diminishes more and more with each passing loner moment

Elizabeth: and all I want is him to kiss my ass and hump me
ummmmmmmmmm
well

me: well come over then and we can subway together
you can drink wine with me

Elizabeth: I have to make him miserable for at least until he leaves
which is within the hour

me: ok

Elizabeth: you should meet me at my subway
my nails are really long

me: i am just taking pictures of myself contorting my body to look the skinniest

Elizabeth: are you gonna be jealous

me: yes
i will probably tell a loud story to distract from your nails

Elizabeth: ok I am going to shower and smell nice for you

me: good i dont want to hang out with a dirty ugly annoying whore

Elizabeth: I will call you befrore subway
oh I am whore too you know

me: i mean i am looking forward to our evening

Elizabeth: reformed whore
still whore
great
me too

me: im putting this on my blog
647-***-****

Elizabeth: with a nick pic of my rack?

me: call when u are ready to roll

Elizabeth: do it up!

me: with your bush

Elizabeth: nick = nice

me: and my beautiful body
yes i got that

Elizabeth: leave the stuff about me wanting to make him miserable

(i was going through my flickr for pictures of elizabeth’s hairy bush and when i finally got to it i double-clicked too many times and it put me back at the beginning of my unorganized set and of course i don’t lable or tag anything so i had to go through everything again — the point is i look like a european bitch here doesn’t it look like i would say SHOOT UP LETS GO FOR VODKA or something?)

march of the yenta

coming soon

+++

my mom has been posting old pictures of her when she was a teenager and her captions/descriptions that go along w/ are quite uh, slutty. she use to tell me stories of how sweet and virginal she was i guess to try and get me to be good, turns out she is just a LYING WHORE like the rest of us.

and here we are together, look at me partying.

here i am as an angel pretending to pray, grade two. hey mom learn how to scan OR if you are taking a picture of a picture use MACRO.

my brother and i, i look like an asshole even THEN.

yous guys’s have probably already seen the doherty shooting coke video what i want to know is who filmed it? also i would like to point out that i drew his picture BEFORE this video came to be and also i drew saddam hussein a couple weeks BEFORE his hanging so i am like sarah michelle geller in that movie where she cries and laughs when she is cooking and then everyone who eats her food they have emotional spazz attacks EXCEPT whoever i draw DIES or gets fucked in the tabloids. nice. i would say tom cruise is next but he is already fucked beyond all compromise. i don’t want to jinx johnny depp so maybe i won’t draw him. or i will.

i liked match point it was not at all what i expected i’m glad i watched it alone cos if fil was with me i would be too busy obsessing over scarlett’s body and deep fuck me voice and accusing fil of picturing himself in her slender arms and me standing on the street corner being splashed by taxis watching as my life turns to shit and so on.

one thing that is annoying is how everyone is so totally fucking naive to this one dude’s comings and goings is it suppose to be a british i don’t want to know cos i am too rich and fabulous thing? they end every scene when the one dude is up to no good with everyone just falling for his lies. if this movie was american or canadian or rather STARRED ME i would be a psycho nag on that dude and would not let his shit go by at all, the movie would have been over way sooner because i am a detective and i don’t trust anyone cos they are all out to get me all the time. also it is a very long movie so if you are a loner like me this will eat up a bunch of time and you won’t even cry about it you will be sitting with your arms crossed shaking your head saying well i never etc.

one part that is stupid and poorly acted is when the dude who is with scarlett is all I BROKE UP WITH HER he met someone else. DUDE! YEAH RIGHT YOU STUPID FUCKING LIAR WORST ACTING EVER!!! i bet everyone watching as that scene was filmed were all pffft totally not buying it what fictional fucking character would give up a scarlett johansson not to be a lesbian or anything but holy crap. HOLY CRAP! IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE A STUPID RETARD DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME NOT IN MY MOVIE!

in other news, WHAT THE HELL NICOLAS CAGE?

i went to sushi on bloor and ate alone i ordered the sashimi bronze for ten bucks ten pieces but they give you 16 pieces? decent. i also got an unagi handroll. i had a four person table to myself which was nice until a slew of whimsical annex fuckfaces came in the door and told stories to each other loudly while i was finishing my meal and reading a homosexual crime novel (literally a book about gay gangsters i know i throw around GAY a lot and don’t mean it other than to describe something cheesy but this time i oh nevermind) and this little kid kept rattling the soya sauce bottle on my table wavering it around so i let him do it for thirty seconds before i SLAMMED my left hand hard on the table looked him in the eye and said CAN YOU STOP THAT he was maybe 8 so i felt especially brave, his mom wasn’t looking either HAHA eight year old. this dude saw it all go down and i felt like he mentally gave me a high-five after i did it and prior to that he was like i hate that little white devil.

a party of three teachers were leaning against the two chairs at my table too like it was fucking chat-central and they kept asking the waitress when a table would be ready and they sighed a lot and one told a story about her autistic grade ones and she acted out how one of them kept asking to go to the bathroom.

holy shit people i am drinking a fucking asahi at 5pm does it look like i want to listen to any words from anyone’s fucking mouth right now other than SAKE ARIGATO WASABI ASAHI SAPPORO?

i get that it’s annoying that i am taking up a four person table but it was dead when i got there and every other fucking loner white lady that came in after me asked for a booth or a bigger table and they got one why are you all picking on me it’s because i am beautiful right and closest to the door? maybe if you shut up so i don’t have to re-read the same fucking gay crime novel page ten times i can finish my meal quickly and get out of there so that YOU can waste everybody’s time, leisurely eating your bento box I HATE EVERYONE IN THE ANNEX WHITE PEOPLE ESPECIALLY EXCEPT FOR ME (and some people i know ok i only hate strangers)!! you are not allowed to act all breezy and nonchalant when really just under the surface you will lose your fucking mind if you have to wait two minutes for a table GO SOMEWHERE ELSE IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE WAITING. i’m sorry my eating here alone at this table and arriving before you personally offends you so much.

after that i went to that new nerd-central book store bmv whatever and bought two books and asked if they took books in exchange for cash/credit and they do and of course the dude had to tell me all this extra information about it that i didn’t wask for and he was wearing jogging pants.

then i bought leg warmers and some sunglasses.

bye.

oh fil just came home and brought me one of those iv bags of wine or more accurately a wine skin OR a maple syrup bag something with a little spout you don’t even need a glass HELLO LIVER PARTY!

he has to go away now to his dad’s then a work ski-trip thing so i am alone i rented a bunch of movies i will probably not go to that blogtv.ca thing but if you want to do something fun in lieu of then call me if not then i will just be wine-crying on the couch to match point.

more nyc this batch is brought to you by my little fugly hands

i have the best voice in the world

and now some words from my justin timberlake correspondent SHARPACHU who attended last nite’s concert:

justin timberlake aka my boyfriend forever in life

I think that the only thing I can really say to sum up the concert is: swoon.

I have no pictures. I have two horrible 7 second videos on my camera phone, but I don’t know how to send those to you. We had theee best seats ever, along the perimeter of the restaurant, with nice fancy chairs, and a waiter! We could just sit there, separated from the “regular folks” and watch the hottest guy ever dance and sing. I know that all of us at the end of it had a lot more love for JT.

I think that’s it. Would I spend that ridiculous amount of money on the show again? Yes! Would I pay even more? Um totally.

Oh wait, one more thing, do you remember being 10 years old and reading Tiger Beat and falling ridiculously painfully in love with someone (for me it was Johnny Depp when he was in 21 Jump Street). So you put the photos/posters up in your room of Johnny and you spend an obscene amount of time pining for him, wondering what it would be like to kiss him, wishing that you could just meet him one day because he would totally want to marry your 10 year old being if.he.just.met.you.? That was what the feeling was like last night watching Justin.

Swoon.

-ES.

HARRY FUCKING POTTER!!?!?!!! very weird. parents are pissed about it. whatever he’s growing up and not going to have that fucking lightning bolt on his forehead forever get over it.

shocking blue, venus

we hung out with these guys last nite at c’est what with sean it was fun they are cool they have a show on friday at o’grady’s and while that particular venue seems a bit off they sold me on it, i am looking forward to wasted university tools and hipsters dancing, united as one.

when we showed up sean was having a “business meeting” with leviride so fil and i pulled a mrs. doubtfire and sat across the room at our own table and stared at sean through a fish tank until it was too weird and he called us over though by then fil and i were playing pool, he lied and said he wasn’t very good at it. before that we ate i had chicken tikka masala and fil ordered a lamb burger BUT they brought him a bison burger instead, i had a bite and was um uh this does not taste like lamb, it has an after-taste not unlike lamb but it’s way dry and well, eh, thinking about it now my empty stomache is roller-coastering.

what else.

bob asked what we did for scracth, fil gave his adult job description i just said i talk a lot of shit, basically — he had previously made a blog joke so it was funny that i got to say yeah well i blog. i’d rather say i do nothing, i fringe.

i was just watching this look-a-like show and they got some dude who looks like johnny depp and they made him look even more like johnny depp and now i am jealous that i do not look like johnny depp. it has however inspired me to draw him, some horny bitch will buy my huge johnny depp canvas, surely. i’m not sure WHICH johnny depp to do though, jack sparrow is definitely OUT don’t go there. please advise.

one more thing i like the emily haines & the soft skeleton album, and i know i’ve mentioned before my disdain for her, i know it’s not cos of jealousy, i just realised i hate her for the same reasons i hate myself.