raymi is busy shaking her shit in slutty clothing in front of the camera for your future viewing pleasure so i‘m driving the boat today.
anyway, she reports that things are going well and what did she say, oh yeah, lots of douchebags are s l o w l y driving by the set and leering at all the girls. well what do you expect, i say. i know i’d be doing the same thing (strictly to see my own girlfriend obvs).
so i’m going to go eat like a fucking pig on queen street now (after putting back a good 70 grams of tim hortons breakfast sandwich grease this morning i might as well go whole hog) and score a bunch of concert tickets.
we are going to go camera shopping tonite maybe so i can have a camera tomorrow to take pictures of sluts and freaks and whoever else. i am in a way better mood than i was this morning. i went for a long walk and bought some underwear for tomorrow’s filming they’re those new la senza underwears that are futuristicly soft and they are aqua i had to find something in the blue family, the wardrobe chick has some sort of halter for me in various blues, she sounds nice, her friend was a burlesque dancer in the 80s so she has a ton of outfits.
i bought this nice skirt and jumper and shirt from h&m the jumper is something cory kennedy would wear i swear h&m designers sit down and say WOULDCORYWEARTHIS WCWT or WHATWOULDCORYDO? ok that’s gay please don’t let that catch on. i didn’t have a depression spiral in the changeroom cos clothes fit me better now i lost ten pounds for anyone who cares.
i also bought a book from indigo I WAS HOWARD HUGHES there’s going to be a lot of time to kill between filming le sigh. i could tell that afternoon at indigo is prime sleaze time i could feel eyeballs all over me please leave me alone so i can browse the under $5 table. i totally saw this guy pretend to be looking at leftover valentines bath oils and beads while checking out this chick’s boobs and ass and every other vagina that walked by and he saw me see him hiding behind this pillar so he went somewhere else to spy. WHY ARE MEN GROSS? please tell me if you have ever pretended to be invisible in a bookstore on your lunchbreak to look at girls thank you.
before i went out i tried on all my blue underwear and felt like a pasty veiny cow and now i can feel like that in new underwear i may as well NOT be on the colour spectrum. i didn’t buy a robe i’m just going to hang out in my funeral dress between filming and ten hundred other things i plan to bring. here is a howard hughes quote:
I was not nearly as interested in people as i should have been.
and here is a nice email NOT from howard hughes:
i hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience. I plan to say nice things about you. The other day my boyfriend was talking about the killers and how he would not want to see them live with me because I just make fun of their music. But I said no I would enjoy it because the lead singer looks like raymi’s boyfriend. And he was like “oh yeah RAYMI” like making fun of me because he doesn’t know who you are. But I did some research and I don’t know how I got that into my head, the lead singer really doesnt look like phil, except maybe in this picture?
I liked him better when I thought he looked like phil.
This is going to sound whiny because it is whiny but it has a point. I’ve been having a really rough time lately because my best friend dropped off the face of the earth and I’m all lonely and making bad decisions about everything BUT reading your blog cheers me up a lot, especially when I see that you have very kindly kept a link to my blog, which I really dont write on anymore since too many people I don’t like know it’s mine. Like when you were writing for a while about how you had no friends? I was just thinking in my head “what is she talking about she has tons of friends what she is saying CANNOT BE TRUE” but it made me feel better about my own rather friendless circumstances.
Also, I’ve been trying to figure out about how to express this but I was so impressed when I first found your blog, I was just like holy shit this is the coolest girl ever because of your stylistic choices, linguistically I mean. And now that I’ve read it more I feel like the way you write has had a big impact on the way I think about things AS THOUGH I was writing them. I’m sure you know what I’m mean, like if you’re out at a concert and things are going on, and you start writing a blog/journal entry in your head while it is going on, or shortly after it has happened?
I was out at a concert and I went on this rant about how I hated girls trying to get up to the front of the stage by doing that simpering “i’m a girl and you are a bunch of guys so you should let me in there” which is not really a set of behaviors but more like a whole aura/attitude while they are jamming themselves inbetween other people trying to look kind of snobby but cute. Then there were guys trying to jump in front of people like big lumps of bad manners, pretending that they were just SO INTO THE MUSIC that they were only accidentally pushing tons of people out of the way and getting closer to the stage.
The whole thing was really inspiring, it made me want to go home and write on the blog I can’t write on but then I realized that I was basically really excited about posting a you-ripoff, which I had started composing in my head. So that makes me feel lame and dumb but I think ultimately it’s a compliment because you are obviously a powerful writer if you can shape the way anyone thinks. This email will be longer and gayer if I don’t stop myself here so anyway
here’s some journal excerpts from around 2004 and half of it sorry i can’t decipher some lines i probably got from movies or books or bits of conversation.
eating kimchi noodle soup i wish noodles were easier to eat so i could shove them all in my mouth at the same time having a quiet moment with a cigarette and a beer and i’m stoned and going to meet mum somewhere soon after i blowdry and straighten my hair and my legs are sticking out of this jean? trashy shirt i want to be a model.
my finger is bleeding lets get drunk i feel like i have resin on my face
everything is different when you’re on blow sometimes things are better while sometimes they are worse the worst moments really are the worst and quite awful you know though it’s a good soundtrack for your life.
i was fucked i didn’t talk for the whole year. that fucks you up a bit i moved 21 times.
journaling is so gay these days. so emo. what is this music theme day?
i should buy rollerblades
i really like kylie minogue
i will buy rollerblades
i quit weed and carbohydrates at the same time for 36 hours dumb fuckin’ idea.
these cramps are so bad it feels like i am morphing inside out and into the bed or maybe i’m stoned this pain is unreal.
raining with the spinkler on.
you live in the past.
today i am wearing sunglasses went to casino niagara last nite lost money.
insomnia all over the place.
this is pretty shitty.
i remember an earwig fell into my mouth outside this window by the gate door i was 4 years old or something.
one day that frig of a cat will say something to me.
clearly my mom is a headcase and now here is her brother my uncle mike and some dominican sluts. check her post for his little anecdote, he’s heavy into fishing culture.
WHAT’S THE LONGEST YOU’VE SPENT FIGHTING A SALMON?
ahahhahaha.
when my uncle mike gets into something he goes all the way collecting hockey cards for example and then after the stanley cup game he will drive to the winning city with all his rookie cards, sell them and make huge money. he also metal-detects, yes, he has maybe four metal-detectors and a whole room in his house devoted to all his precious finds – rings, necklaces, antiques. when we were kids i remember hanging out with him helping him dig for whatever the detector detected and unearthing a measly pop can tab, at the time i didn’t realise he was just using me for grunt-work. then he felt bad and spun my brother and i on the merry go round but got us to lie flat on our backs and i almost flew off into a tree cos i was a little pipsqueak. mike is missing a few key brain cells i think. he is really into wearing those cheesy oakley shades and splash pants he basically dresses like heaven’s gate – splash pants, track pants and nikes.
he’s like the epitome of manic and the absolute height of eccentric and is very sensitive too. my mom beat up neighbourhood kids for him cos he was a wuss, they use to steal his gi-joes. in montreal he made my mom sing the theme for mission impossible while he scaled the side of the house and climbed it. he also shot sticky darts at my nana’s glasses during an afternoon lady tea party from the top stairs and two of them stuck to her glasses.
one christmas he glued tweny-five dollars in quarters to a silver spray-painted box for me and was hurt when i was all what the fuck? but i kept them anyway and bought a hole EP from sunrise records the day after boxing day and the quarters had glue and paint all over them.
on may two-four we would go to bobcaygeon and he would force me shawn and cousin jeremy into a boat at 11:30 at nite “when the fish are out” and we would wear layers and layers of sweaters and jackets and we would sit for hours in a fucking boat trolling for pickerel and this one weeked i was the only fucking one who caught a fish, the only girl and he even made a huge stink about me coming out anyway shawn and jeremy were all fuck this when they got back to land and went in so it was just me and mike and the fish – i killed and gutted it and held its beating heart on my finger after it was out of its body.
years later at my mom’s surprise 40th birthday party my mom is telling this story in the kitchen and mike’s wife goes HEY mike said he caught that fish he gave it to my dad! and then my mom pulls mike into the kitchen and publicly calls him out on his lie and he gets all embarrassed and starts biting his nails, stammering, saying uh uh i actually do not recall WHO exactly caught that fish.
lucky for him i was out at the park smoking hash at the time.
anyway mike rules more on him later. here is my mom’s take on him. there’s also a picture of his boat.
i may as well live-blog my television watching experience – i just tried watching regis and kelly and now feel 30% dumber oh but wait rachael ray is on! super NOT fun. john stamos was just on with her talking about gyros/pitas and he made a gyros joke and she didn’t get that it was a joke and talked over him I HATE HER how dare you do that to john stamos! no i am not eating bon-bons i am painting drawing and having tv time with cid. i seriously feel less smart though, talk shows are so dippy why is there a need for blow dryer boot camp? do women live in caves now? this woman is trying to figure out how to dry her frizzy hair and rachael ray is talking over the blow dry teacher holy why don’t you shut up? what’s next a lesson in band-aid application? i fucking learned how to blow-dry in the womb.
haha rachael just said “forget it i am out of the loop” out of context then when the audience gave her a pity laugh she SAID IT AGAIN!
when i wake up early i sit here and wear myself out on the www until i can’t keep my eyes open anymore then i get up and make espresso i see how long i can go before i have a complete physical collapse.
sometimes there just aren’t enough blogs to stalk.
i am in an explosive bad mood i think i pretty much flopped the audition last nite though i can still be a no-talking burlesque dancer which i am thinking maybe i don’t want to do it anymore cos my time is super valuable though fil just guilted me back into doing it and i busted fil’s camera i should have just stayed in bed then the camera would be fine. it fell off the table and the lense was open all the way nothing popped or shattered it just won’t shut is there a toronto camera doctor? if not it’s time for a new one. HUGE BAD MOOD HUUUGE! i also had the craziest longest shittiest dream where some girl was kissing fil and hugging him in front of me and he was all cool about it so i slapped her strangled her punched her in the face multiple times then came to and apologized profusely and even fil was like what is wrong with you and she told all my friends and they were very disgusted with me and then the rest of the dream’s theme was centred around how much of a fucking loser i am basically then i open this email this morning FOR REAL:
Hi Raymi,
I’m still reading your blog and enjoying it. Just thought you would think this was funny….I dreamt that Phil and I kissed last night and it was the best kiss that I have ever had. My subconscious must have kept an imprint of how hot I think Phil is from photos i’ve seen on your blog. I wish someone would kiss me like that in real life, it was awesome. He! Goodluck with the audition. You will blitz it no doubt. All the best, Karen in Oz x psa give Phil a big smooch from me:)
PEEP HOW NONCHALANT SHE IS!
i told her i would stab her.
it’s ok she wrote back and apologized but not for kissing fil in her dream or being in my dream either though i don’t know what she really looks like.
what i don’t get is why in my dream was I apologizing for her kissing fil yeah i get it i punchisized her face but isn’t messing with man a ticket to fuck my shitupsville? stupid dream.
oh and then i was playing with bats and locusts and ping pong with an ex-boyfriend and driving a race car in the 1920s on a sidewalk.
stay tuned for a story about the most annoying chick EVER from the bar last nite.
