clearly my mom is a headcase and now here is her brother my uncle mike and some dominican sluts. check her post for his little anecdote, he’s heavy into fishing culture.
WHAT’S THE LONGEST YOU’VE SPENT FIGHTING A SALMON?
ahahhahaha.
when my uncle mike gets into something he goes all the way collecting hockey cards for example and then after the stanley cup game he will drive to the winning city with all his rookie cards, sell them and make huge money. he also metal-detects, yes, he has maybe four metal-detectors and a whole room in his house devoted to all his precious finds – rings, necklaces, antiques. when we were kids i remember hanging out with him helping him dig for whatever the detector detected and unearthing a measly pop can tab, at the time i didn’t realise he was just using me for grunt-work. then he felt bad and spun my brother and i on the merry go round but got us to lie flat on our backs and i almost flew off into a tree cos i was a little pipsqueak. mike is missing a few key brain cells i think. he is really into wearing those cheesy oakley shades and splash pants he basically dresses like heaven’s gate – splash pants, track pants and nikes.
he’s like the epitome of manic and the absolute height of eccentric and is very sensitive too. my mom beat up neighbourhood kids for him cos he was a wuss, they use to steal his gi-joes. in montreal he made my mom sing the theme for mission impossible while he scaled the side of the house and climbed it. he also shot sticky darts at my nana’s glasses during an afternoon lady tea party from the top stairs and two of them stuck to her glasses.
one christmas he glued tweny-five dollars in quarters to a silver spray-painted box for me and was hurt when i was all what the fuck? but i kept them anyway and bought a hole EP from sunrise records the day after boxing day and the quarters had glue and paint all over them.
on may two-four we would go to bobcaygeon and he would force me shawn and cousin jeremy into a boat at 11:30 at nite “when the fish are out” and we would wear layers and layers of sweaters and jackets and we would sit for hours in a fucking boat trolling for pickerel and this one weeked i was the only fucking one who caught a fish, the only girl and he even made a huge stink about me coming out anyway shawn and jeremy were all fuck this when they got back to land and went in so it was just me and mike and the fish – i killed and gutted it and held its beating heart on my finger after it was out of its body.
years later at my mom’s surprise 40th birthday party my mom is telling this story in the kitchen and mike’s wife goes HEY mike said he caught that fish he gave it to my dad! and then my mom pulls mike into the kitchen and publicly calls him out on his lie and he gets all embarrassed and starts biting his nails, stammering, saying uh uh i actually do not recall WHO exactly caught that fish.
lucky for him i was out at the park smoking hash at the time.
anyway mike rules more on him later. here is my mom’s take on him. there’s also a picture of his boat.
