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we are going to go camera shopping tonite maybe so i can have a camera tomorrow to take pictures of sluts and freaks and whoever else. i am in a way better mood than i was this morning. i went for a long walk and bought some underwear for tomorrow’s filming they’re those new la senza underwears that are futuristicly soft and they are aqua i had to find something in the blue family, the wardrobe chick has some sort of halter for me in various blues, she sounds nice, her friend was a burlesque dancer in the 80s so she has a ton of outfits.

i bought this nice skirt and jumper and shirt from h&m the jumper is something cory kennedy would wear i swear h&m designers sit down and say WOULDCORYWEARTHIS WCWT or WHATWOULDCORYDO? ok that’s gay please don’t let that catch on. i didn’t have a depression spiral in the changeroom cos clothes fit me better now i lost ten pounds for anyone who cares.

i also bought a book from indigo I WAS HOWARD HUGHES there’s going to be a lot of time to kill between filming le sigh. i could tell that afternoon at indigo is prime sleaze time i could feel eyeballs all over me please leave me alone so i can browse the under $5 table. i totally saw this guy pretend to be looking at leftover valentines bath oils and beads while checking out this chick’s boobs and ass and every other vagina that walked by and he saw me see him hiding behind this pillar so he went somewhere else to spy. WHY ARE MEN GROSS? please tell me if you have ever pretended to be invisible in a bookstore on your lunchbreak to look at girls thank you.

before i went out i tried on all my blue underwear and felt like a pasty veiny cow and now i can feel like that in new underwear i may as well NOT be on the colour spectrum. i didn’t buy a robe i’m just going to hang out in my funeral dress between filming and ten hundred other things i plan to bring. here is a howard hughes quote:

I was not nearly as interested in people as i should have been.

and here is a nice email NOT from howard hughes:

i hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience. I plan to say nice things about you. The other day my boyfriend was talking about the killers and how he would not want to see them live with me because I just make fun of their music. But I said no I would enjoy it because the lead singer looks like raymi’s boyfriend. And he was like “oh yeah RAYMI” like making fun of me because he doesn’t know who you are. But I did some research and I don’t know how I got that into my head, the lead singer really doesnt look like phil, except maybe in this picture?

I liked him better when I thought he looked like phil.

This is going to sound whiny because it is whiny but it has a point. I’ve been having a really rough time lately because my best friend dropped off the face of the earth and I’m all lonely and making bad decisions about everything BUT reading your blog cheers me up a lot, especially when I see that you have very kindly kept a link to my blog, which I really dont write on anymore since too many people I don’t like know it’s mine. Like when you were writing for a while about how you had no friends? I was just thinking in my head “what is she talking about she has tons of friends what she is saying CANNOT BE TRUE” but it made me feel better about my own rather friendless
circumstances.

Also, I’ve been trying to figure out about how to express this but I was so impressed when I first found your blog, I was just like holy shit this is the coolest girl ever because of your stylistic choices, linguistically I mean. And now that I’ve read it more I feel like the way you write has had a big impact on the way I think about things AS THOUGH I was writing them. I’m sure you know what I’m mean, like if you’re out at a concert and things are going on, and you start writing a blog/journal entry in your head while it is going on, or shortly after it has happened?

I was out at a concert and I went on this rant about how I hated girls trying to get up to the front of the stage by doing that simpering “i’m a girl and you are a bunch of guys so you should let me in there” which is not really a set of behaviors but more like a whole aura/attitude while they are jamming themselves inbetween other people trying to look kind of snobby but cute. Then there were guys trying to jump in front of people like big lumps of bad manners, pretending that they were just SO INTO THE MUSIC that they were only accidentally pushing tons of people out of the way and getting closer to the stage.

The whole thing was really inspiring, it made me want to go home and write on the blog I can’t write on but then I realized that I was basically really excited about posting a you-ripoff, which I had started composing in my head. So that makes me feel lame and dumb but I think ultimately it’s a compliment because you are obviously a
powerful writer if you can shape the way anyone thinks. This email will be longer and gayer if I don’t stop myself here so anyway

Marith

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