Raymi’s Mailbag Time!
This is the package I waited for all day that made me stir crazy. Thanks guys.
(the house is a mess-ish from the weekend still).
Category Archives: Uncategorized
TOP TEN ideas I had this/last week/at some point
Leis. All sumemr stock was put away so our summer party had a specific-specific tie-in. Tiki. It brought back memories of almost setting myself on fire at the 3M party in San Diego in a grass skirt by a fire pit (scroll, that post is hilarious fyi). Everybody loved me PLUS I gatecrashed this party and got Lisa to get wasted with me, and she’s asian. Everyone knows it is hilarious to get asians drunk cos they turn bright red and are a billion times more insane than you, full-on team players and partners in crime. Miss you Lisa, every time I look at a lei I think of you. Honest.
Inventing the term SUMMER OF RAYMI. Outputting positivity so that it comes back to me, think like Paul, the love you take is equal to the love you make. It’s not that I am mourning summer’s end (am so) it’s that some people suffer seasonal affective disorder (or heard about that term and realized that they did) and winter is harder for them. The term alone, no doubt ripped from Seinfeld (Summer of George, which got him in the hospital thus ruining his summer ahahhahahahahaahhaa) justified all ridiculous shenanigans and extra looney things I got up to this summer, by saying YES and being fearless. Declare this upcoming season to be the Fall of you (Autumn sounds much less like your empire is collapsing, do you know that lyric? the falling of the whole empire…) and I guarantee you it will be a wicked time.
Convertible rides with your dad. Any time spent with family and friends. I read recently that it doesn’t matter what you do together, in the end that’s what you’re going to be wishing for most of all, is more time with your parents. They may drive you insane and you may piss them off but by golly just do it cos time with loved ones is precious. Holy f- I better not be pregnant I’m super emotional these days haaha. Anyway, a ride with the folks when I was a tween/teen usually meant I was grounded but now I am like DAD DAAAD DRIVE US AROUND PLEASE!! We can only listen to cassettes which limits our tunes to Beach boys and oldies. Perfect. Plus EVERYBODY smiles at a platinum blonde in a classy car with the top down.
This find alone was worth Burlesqington. It might be real, it might not, but it’s damn classy and I got it for $3 and an old biddy tried to steal it from me off the floor while I was trying on shoes with Paddy whilst another one snapped under her breath THAT’S WHY YOU DON’T LEAVE THINGS ON THE FLOOR when I was frantically combing the store for it and Paddy took it off the other woman’s hands. Good grief right? I whispered to Paddy, did you hear what that woman said to me? I’m in the middle of thinking up something psychotic to say to her (rage was coursing through me, don’t put things on the floor of a %#&$%# salvation army, things that I am intending to purchase????) but Paddy talked me out of it, so I didn’t. What would you have done? Thing was, she effectively burned me, there is absolutely nothing I could say that would make sense in a situation such as this, “YES YOU DO!” while shaking my fist over the sea of mothball smelling merchandise hanging aisle-to-aisle separating us. I’d look insane.
Nipple pasties. Fine, can’t work with my nudity? Solution. Now what argument is next? Luckily we had a spare pair of these on deck so Seska could dance in our showcase. She was already dressed the part, I asked if she would dance, she said no way, then a few songs later after one of us got up there she changed her mind. New rule, have pasties will travel. I would love to be sponsored to go on the road to perform in different cities. GOAL.
Permanently borrowing this belt from an ex-bf who borrowed it from a friend’s ex-best friend. We’ve had a wonderful life together, shared many experiences, for a decade almost. I used to convince myself that it intimidated street urchins when I wore it who might think of trying something with me. (Never be too complacent in a city, folks).
Going platinum. I would never have known blondes have more fun unless I did. It’s the skeleton key of life, opens many doors that I effectively bullshit my way through. It’s not for everyone but it doesn’t hurt to try it. Thanks to Brennen I can try to realize my goal of getting into Playboy by the time I’m thirty. I feel like once it’s mermaid length they will be manipulated by their own genre via me and some hocus pocus about social media and blogging I dunno. I do love being brunette and will likely go back to the dark side at some point in life but not yet.
Ribfest. Was a mega-fun-summer’s end party, the weather was hot and sunny with rain sprinklings intermittently which cooled you off and dried instantly. It’s free to get in. I dressed like a groupie and brought much merriment to all around me. I said to my brother that I would get something for free with my celebrity, watch. Imposing dares on yourself is a surefire way to get your way. I got a full rack. Listen and learn next time munchkins :). Thanks again Ollie of Uncle Sam’s BBQ #1 people’s choice winner!
Buying this lifeguard cutie patootie ensemble and forcing myself to embody sunshine all summer long and have the nards to rock it out. The shorts/shirt two-set will one day be framed in The Hard Rock.
Taking up Shawna on her offer of a blogvertorial hair collab when she worked at another salon, super enterprising of her and pioneerific. Back then no one was ripping off my ADs under the guise of feature posts so it was pretty special, though I was long haired and brunette at the time and cutting my own hair so I offered up my fiance in lieu of, who then couldn’t be cut without her, then I moved over to Brennen when she did and became obsessed with lightening my hair and here we are now.
Brennen is also house to many a platinums in my industry. It’s always a trip going in there for my routine roots work. Hi Keri! Ok that was ten things, I’m limiting myself.
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PS. My Speaker’s BIO is up over at She’s Connected scroll for mine.
Raymi Lauren White
Blogging Pioneer
Raymi the Minx aka Lauren White or, Raymi Lauren, built her brand at the age of 17, spawning raymitheminx.com in 2000. She is a pioneer of blogging and was amongst the small pool of bloggers during its first wave of popularity in 2002, drawing the attention of The National Post and SEX TV. A provocateur savant, unabashed black sheep of the digital age, influencer, trend setter, wordsmith; Raymitheminx.com has been a MUST READ in the Toronto’s hip and in-the-know arena for over a decade. Raymi is on par with media, a notable invitee to all the to-dos, touted as the Penny Lane of Toronto (long time music industry ties), muse to the stars, spearheads a bounty of fellow Little Raymis with copious pop-up copycat raymi blogs…. click for the rest
Can’t wait to see my bobblehead lol. Loving this girl cliquey stuff.
Everyday is an opportunity to take risks so I do
I told myself I was only going to create something original today. I don’t write as much as I used to or ought to, I’ve been a big avoider of “trying” for my entire life. When you wake up everyday to your personal blog radio show with copius tuners-inners reading your news that you get to make be whatever you want, it takes over you. You get in a habit, a lazy routine. Anyway, I’ve been writing a talk in my head all week. When I lie in bed each night I write stand-up comedy that moves between motivational speaking and insulting sarcastic humour, which I forget in the morning. If I can get up and dance and strip, then I best be damned I can get up and make fun of every thing in life. I am terrified of public speaking in a subtle way to be honest. It’s because I am Type-A and I want to control everyone’s attention, focus, manipulate it so that I am at ease. I know you just can’t do that and so, I get nervous.
Speaking of being a control freak, I actually learned something from Jersey Shore last week, I know, I couldn’t believe it either (except I did because how could I have learned from it if I didn’t believe it?) but it happened and I said please remind me that I learned something from Jersey Shore (to later write about).
The thing was, Ronnie the juicehead lost his f-ing mind on The Situation, who slammed his own head in a cement wall cos they were all blasted and The Sitch (Snituation) said something about Ronnie calling up girls since they got to Florence, prior to Ronnie’s ex/current/it’s complicated gf sammi (who I hate, is gross and a mega-drama attention needy wet blanket) arrival and to be fair he said it when they weren’t officially back together yet but still, that is some mega-ass pot stirring when you know this couple’s business is contentious at best and all discussions end in yelling, crying, and swearing. COOL STORY SITUATION!
Ok so after that fight, Ronnie says on camera that he’s a control freak more less and that he has to learn to let it go and know that the things that happen in life that he CAN’T control to just let go, not overreact, or even react or be affected. Period. SO ZEN.
That was the most common, simple and best piece of advice I’ve gotten all year thanks Ronnie! Not that I am aggro bed-throwing level freak out but, it feels that way in my head sometimes from the amount of pressure I put on myself to achieve, get things done, be perfect, fight bad guys, and be loving to my friends and family and look like a Holly Madison Hello Kitty Care bear SO EXHAUSTING. From now on if I am incapable of doing that just little bit extra I am going to stop spinning my wheels about it, cos it gets me nowhere.
Choreographing a bunch of dances, being an effective leader/teacher and not swearing/screaming at your pupils takes patience, of which I have none. Day one of burlesque rehearsal compared to Day two for me, in-between watching Jersey Shore was like SALT and PEPPER. Day one burlesque: Psycho – watch Jersey Shore – Day two burlesque: Not a Psycho. For example: if that girl isn’t going to listen to me for the 50th time then she can just go ahead and be sloppy, it doesn’t affect me, I’m not her, so just let it go and focus on making my act perfect. No one is going to listen to me if I am shrill, even though I am right, all they hear is OMFGG&^$%^#&^$*!!!!! Therefore, chill dude. Its taken me 28 years to learn this so anyone else out there who presently barks at people and loses their cool way too soon, take it from me, it’s not working!
Kay, so I will be a speaker on an upcoming panel at the ShesConnected Conference late September (SO STOKED!) which is why I’ve been walking around like the profound blogfather in my head. Initially I thought I was doing a talk, but am glad to know I’ll be on a panel with others having a discussion. I really enjoyed the panels in San Diego that FORD sponsored me for at Blogher. To be amongst strong, intelligent, creative women with start-ups, their own www-domains from all over Canada and America, I was impressed and inspired and I actually learned something, or, allowed myself to be taught (we get stubborn as we age).
Now, being the creature of self-defense that I am, naturally I have been preparing my comebacks in case some woman decides to call me out in front of (omg I just got butterflies in my stomach and lightheadedness in my head from this, excitement fumes) 200 professional women regarding my Raymi the Minxing. You know, mean girl shit. I’ve blown a panel before, well, it went fine and all but afterward on Torontoist, Sass and I got railroaded to smithereens by jerk pundits for a few days. I never linked the article here as half of population Raymitown Hatesmetown and I am too sensitive somedays to be abused, I don’t care WHAT the issue is, no one deserves that.
I will not be backing down from my stance on internet nudity however, specifically that of my own. I refuse to allow my fellow gender to paint me as a sloot because I have the bravery to, this. I know my own frenemies paint themselves like angels and big bad Raymi The Minx as DANGER, don’t go there. That’s fine. I choose realness. In life you must take risks, I will speak into my microphone, everyday is an opportunity to take a risk and I have taken many, how many have you taken? How would you like me to judge one of those risks, that perhaps may have failed like an etsy shop no one purchased from? Or stupid meme posts you keep trying to make happen that make you look ridiculous? I’d rather show my tits thank you. I’m a closet-feminist pushing a boulder up a hill for eleven years this November, I have broken every single rule or tip regarding advertising in this little niche market, being “safe” and pandering to the corporate sponsor blabbity blah and STILL I succeed so you tell me this, how can I be wrong when I’m so right? It’s just funny to me that you must mind your p’s and q’s for an advertiser so then you do and then your blog takes a dirt nap in the area of BEING INTERESTING, less readers, but the advertiser is pleased. Dumb dumbs! Getting lost in the corporate arena for too long waters down the blogger, over-saturating their blogvertorials, which makes the blog even snoozier. Ghost town.
I have single-handedly made a business out of my personal life, the lines are blurred some days for me on work and play, I like that. I have stuck this out for 11 years and earned this make believe fairytale and now I have to stop swearing they tell me? F- That. Cover my bewbies? Don’t share my washboard stomach I exercised like a maniac for so that I can gain the respect of some lady who will hate me for something else anyway?
Totally getting off track here, in my head when I have a verbal takedown real life things like being interrupted by a mistress of the house or something don’t exist or won’t happen so I get to ramble on forever until I make the one point I was trying to make the entire time (someone gave me some nice advice once, less craze more phrase. Tighten and wrap it up!)
I choose to make waves in life. I am not going out unnoticed no siree. If you want to have an ethical debate on rights and wrongs re: the sex industry, strippers, drugs even, then lets go (actually lets not I hope this moment in time never happens and that I am not conjuring it right now with this very post) cos I have many friends and know many notables who have dalliances and secrets, double lives, of which you would never ever know yet would castrate them for (figuratively) at a dinner table after too much wine like an insultory desperate bully might because you make their personal choices about you.
People have made my nudity about them for years. And years. It’s so dull. It takes a lot of courage to do what I do you know? I have black sheeped myself, I didn’t really think or plan ahead with this blog thing back in 2000 (when you had nowhere near anything remotely close to an online presence, nor would for many many years to come so ‘spect son) and then come 2002 I started showing nudity. Tasteful in my opinion, Never a spread-eagle, or graphic muff, never the money shot, just tits and for conservative Toronto that was too much. 100 bloggers in the city, the huge majority being men, all conservative (sports, tech, politics) and then one Raymi the Minx. I deduced early on how to get an audience. I came on to The National Post’s radar as well as Sex TV.
The only reason I showed my boobs was because I was proud, proud of them and fearless. Why can’t I? I had moved back to Toronto from Brooklyn (and in between Maine) and was the granddaughter of the Nerve/Vice-era. Nerve.com was all sexy artistic photos and everyone started caring about fetishes like, S&M and Suicide Girls was also happening too. So it was safe for me to do what I did, but still chastised for. Guys would tell me I was the topic of party conversations and girls would just ask, “BUT WHY? WHY DOES SHE SHOW HER TITS?”
Seriously why not? I’m a nudist, I wasn’t meant to wear clothes, also, I am lazy, it makes sense. Another reason is I was an online model at the time which is fancy speak for webcam girl. I stumbled upon a lucrative part time job, it came after my blog, then I transferred my new-found sex appeal over to my blog. Why do I need to keep this a secret? I was rebellious and defiant, I told people IRL what I did for a living and the last week of shifts after I quit I said I am going public on my blog about this, then you’ll see the gem you had on your hands (the work atmosphere had escalated into a bit of a hostile scene) YOU WILL SEE.
So I logged onto the ol internet and said to my little Raymis that This is my job, linked the website, gave the dates and times of my last two shifts and invited people to come watch me.
The amount of traffic crashed the servers like bananas, the bandwidth could not support the army of Raymis it was f-ing awesome. To be right, vindicated. Not to mention seeing chat handles like MINX4EVER and ILUVRAYMI33 and so on. It was like what p0rn stars must feel when they win an award at that thing in Vegas, like, to see a chick victory bawl over her DP-scene, H-I-L-A-R-IOUS. The AVAs?
Moving forward, if I began to care what people thought about me and took it to heart, I wouldn’t be Raymi The Minx I’d be a big ol mess all the time also, might I mention that when you talk shit about me, I win. Lady Gaga went as a dude as her latest publicity stunt and it worked. I haven’t even seen it but I have heard about it 20 times since. As long as the lady is on your lips, it is working. She does it so you will talk about it so talk but remember, when you’re throwing stones don’t forget to throw one at your own house. Apparently the stunt was too awkward, but no matter it made headlines. Be a little red faced but keep your chin up, that was a risk and last I checked Lady Gaga is an icon. Rrrrright. Connect the dots people, if you don’t make waves in the water you might as well not swim.
It’s called schematic. I can’t help it if other women felt the urge to stroke their wild sides and so find solace in living vicariously through my adventures, which I partake in purely for myself, my pleasures and/or passions like a firecracker in the night. I’m simply just a bad-ish girl who tells you about it. How many bad boys do you love? Assholes? Yummy more please. So stop bashing on your fellow sister fighting the good fight. Was it just not the other day a bunch of topless women courageously protested and took down a streetcar? Why can you be proud of that with a clear conscience? But you know what, I actually oppose tits in a park cos children could see and my blog isn’t for children, I know this. It’s up to you to have parental blocks on your computer lord knows my blog is blocked all over the city I’m surprised people can still get to it what is this Egypt? (too far?)(who cares it’s true censorship kills!)
When the ball dropped the other day and I had a moment of clarity, an a-ha! moment one might call it, regarding this stinkin’ blog and all the accolades and abuse its wrought, I air high-fived the living room in victory to myself.
What’s next for ol Raymbo? I don’t know but bring it on.
My next risk will be enjoying my life, being grateful, loving my friends, enjoying them and chilling out. I can’t save the world but I can save myself. I am entering the new age. Maybe I’ll go buy some crystals. Oooh good point, my next risk is stand-up and nailing it. I just need to figure out how offensive I can go without being burned at the stake.
Have a good one!
AND DID YOU NOTICE I’VE BEEN CAPITALIZING LATELY?
WELL! YOU’RE WELCOME!
Drawing a Nuit Blank
rape me from raymi lauren on Vimeo.
PITCHFORK MEDIA also caught wind of it now. HUGE!
LOOK FOR ME DURING NUIT BLANCHE HERE I’ll be belting out Smells Like Teen Spirit over and over again until I throw in the towel. Gonna be wicked. The Juicebox kids invited me as a notable, we habitually engage in intermedia fuckery together (they also won a yacht fishing trip on my uncle’s boat at my 10 yr anniversary party) so I know it’ll be a slam dunkeroonie. I’m going to dress exactly like Kurt. Or maybe polar opposite and go Tinkerbell.
The above video is about 3 or 4 in the morning at the Central and I am balls to the wall obliterated, Teppei is on drums, clem is filming it and there are girls dancing all over the place. Meredith’s comment upon watching this was, how’s that feel? must feel great! It did and does. My tights are all slashed here and this was after a shift I believe. Good times that bar, my Kingdom for 8 months. The shirt is a gift from an internet admirer, it’s from UO before anyone else wore puffy sleeves, before they arrived at H&M or Lady Gaga’s adoption of it. FTW! ME!
SEE YOU SOON!
Hey Raymi!
We’ve met a few times through Exclaim / Torontoist / Juicebox. And we
won a trip on your uncle’s fishing boat last winter at that Wrongbar
party.
So we have this thing that started as a joke a few years ago and now
it’s real: we’re doing an art instillation for Nuit Blanche that
consists of us performing “Smells Like Teen Spirit” over and over and
over again for 12 hours.
http://www.scotiabanknuitblanche.ca/iProjects.aspx?zone=C&mapId=24
It’s happening at the Toronto Underground Cinema (Spadina and Queen).
Nuit Blanche is Saturday, October 1, and runs from 7pm to 7am.
We’re looking for a few BIG NAMES!!! to come by and sing one or two
reps of the song. In return, we offer the opportunity to be a part of
something outrageously stupid.
Any chance you think this is bizarre / funny enough to get involved?
The plan is to have “notable folks” sing at the top of every hour. We
don’t need a firm commitment, since it’s obviously kind of a
clusterfuck of an idea, but if you’re in town, planning to walk around
that night anyway, and want to throw your name into this mess, let me
know. We’ll iron out details closer to the date, and if you can’t make
it or just end up not showing up… It’s fine, since we’re playing the
song 144 times no matter what.
Let me know what you think!
Sam
my abuse is addictive
Here’s an email exchange with a dude friend (Who works for the Toronto Star) and I from this morning hahaa.
Bovine looked packed! I hope it was a great show!
I got rained on at the BBQ at 8pm, —– and I were going to ride our bikes down from sunnyside, but needless to say we got soaked…
Would’ve been good if you needed men burlesque dancers cause we were WET!!!
the rain ended quickly then was dry and hot all night long. oh well.
Not on me! It rained out our BBQ then we all hid under a one of those covered areas at sunnyside till like 930, then when it chilled a bit we took off in our bikes, it rained all the way home for me, it stopped around 11.
This is just your way of saying you’re mad.
whatever i know its hard to get friends out to see you who live in the city
you think the party will last forever
but i hustled my ass off for this
we made a lot of money
I knew you would make lots of money!
The party lasts forever, fuck why not!
im not going to be 28 forever
You make it sound old… what rush are you in?
Everyone rushes for everything… just enjoy the small things.
If it’s babies you have until your 40s to worry about that.
Hahaha 40…. Well maybe not that long but get my drift?
its youth and events and a lot of work before 30
plus it was important
whatever get over it you didnt come u suck the end
you are one of many annoying excuses/reasons i have dealt with since not a big deal and it will happen again
But I told you two weeks prior that I had a BBQ, which I also invited you too as well! It was a friends birthday, unfortunately the dates coincided so I cant ditch a friends birthday bbq at sunnside planned back in early august.
Yes I understand it’s important, and that’s why I followed up with you the day of to see how its going, and leading up to it…
At least I didn’t completely fall of the face of the earth which you’ve done to me before when making plans
it started at 10 (my first solo), did your bbq go to ten? i dont care about rain. i took a cab there, have you heard of those?
I was stuck in the rain at sunnyside under one of those exposed roofs until 930… yes I have, but I had my bicycle.
If you want an apology, of course im sorry I couldn’t make it, why would I not want to see hot chicks dancing around in nothingness?
I’m confused of why I’m in trouble, it’s not like it was the golden ball with Roseanne, you had a sticker on your nipple, why the heck wouldn’t I want to come!!
“have you heard of those” smart ass.
hehehhhheheh you cant not have the last word too easy
I always win !
you stayed at home under a blanket with your boyfriends sucking your thumbs while i crowd surfed in a string bikini on a champagne tidal wave.
AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH! Good one, you wish you were at home with me under the blanket, while I was sucking your ‘thumb’ creating a champagne tidal wave.
someone else texted me a photo of their wet shirt on a shower curtain. yeah ok i fully understand now! such victims you guys are lolz.
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Ok I am ending it there I have some “real” “work” to get to now, though, that kinda was/is work too. omg my life is bananas. Happy Tuesday/Monday ya mentals.
this is the pro show now boy
I’ll even let ya click on it. Other than the obvious, I am pretty amazed by how fresh I look despite not insecurely coating under eyeliner globs beneath my peeps which was my signature Raymi racoon look since I was 19.
VIP.
Unbelievable amount of delectable shots from last night I’ll blast your back to school blues away with tomorrow. What a great long staycation weekend. Big Brother catch-up here I come!
I wish they all could be
California girls from raymi lauren on Vimeo.
This wasn’t supposed to be a number (therefore freestyle so don’t criticize you jerks) not that it matters at this point in the night as long as you flash those Vanna Whites, dress like Baywatch and slap some summah on it. The internet is alright and all but, nothing beats performing live and staring out at a crowd beaming up at ya. Many amazing moments last night. Thanks to everyone who had a hand in realizing my vision I told ya so! I told you!! Look for us on DEVIL’S NIGHT! Ps. lighting guy next time, spot light.
Yo I’m here for the rave.
Had to. Couldn’t help it. I’ve always wanted to be an Ewok. ’83 we were born the same year, damn straight. Bet I could tap into the furry LARP, cosplay market like that.
Hadn’t washed my hair since Brennen, which made it look phenom when I finally did. Stretch that salon visit out my sisters. I get to about, every 5 weeks or so, 6? Also, Brennen said I can’t have S-E-X lying on my back anymore in order to salvage my little babies growing back there. I was like kay sure whatever as we habitually speak to each other like psychotic pigs and all but he was serious. I got a bit sheepish like uh, I don’t? HAhahaha. My hair stylist is internationally known, hotter than hell (dates models exclusively like, tens, no, twelves) and loves trashy girls, trashy classy, taking rough diamonds (yours truly) and polishing them up. No problem! One day when we get the time to do a proper raymitorial I’ll fill you in on all (TOO MANY) of Brennen Demelo’s accolades. People like him should blog. They have something to show. KnowhatI’msayin’?
Also not wearing makeup. D day of burlesque show.
I’m all blabbity blah I’m raymi uber-famous and so on, give me a discount and I will buy this now, not next time. Then she pulls out the bear thing and it was donezo. I refrained from asking if she had an alternative side career path. Oh and yeah, you betcha maje discount THANKS STAG SHOP of Burlington!
OLDSChOOL Raymi
Think I should have an advice column? Betterliving Centre (RIP, now a WP used to have an offish www) thought so back in 2005. Shit dog this girl is old. Lets see what visionary bits of wisdom wee twenty-two year old RTM had to bequeath. I apologize in advance for any offence, not even bothering to read it. I was 22, I lived in Oakville with my new boyfriend on the main drag, I was making bank off my book, people both hated and gravitated toward me and wanted to know what I had to say. It’s like that. Simply put. Here’s some tough love a la baby Raymi.
Dear Raaaaaaymi,
I have been dating for years and years. If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that the men I’m attracted to are wrong for me. I’ve met a few of those “really nice guys” every girl professes they want, but I’m never attracted to them. I know many women are attracted to the bad boy. I would like to change. I would like to fall in love with one of those “nice guys,” except I am never attracted to them. How do I do this? – Need a Change
Dear you are boring,i am so tired of people saying that nice guys finish last crap and women being attracted to “bad boys”. do you think men sit around going man i wish i could only fall for a nice girl but i just can’t so i have to go for a bitch, why me, wah wah, shut up. so you seem like one of those nice girl types but if you got with a nice guy type you would both be boring and wear sandals together and make friendship bracelets. so what. going for the bad guy is a cop-out and essentially means you are relying on this dude to be the interesting one so you can wow all your stupid bitch friends over lunch about how wild he is meanwhile he is secretly banging all of them and they aren’t even telling you so you know what, date the nice guy and save yourself the heartache.
Dear Raaaaaaymi,
I asked a woman out on a date after meeting her through friends. I was smitten immediately. I got her e-mail address and asked her out. Four days before our first date, I ended up getting back together with my ex-girlfriend. I still went on the date (my girlfriend knew about it) because the relationship with my girlfriend was so on-again-off-again, I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to stick. I ended up telling my date, over drinks, that I was back with my ex. She took it extremely well. Guess what? My girlfriend and I broke up again. Can I now ask the girl out again? Or will she think I’m crazy? – Single Again
Dear loser,you are obviously pussy-whipped for your ex-girlfriend and she will continue to walk all over you for the rest of your life because you allow yourself to be one of those i-will-drop-everything-in-the-hopes-she-will-take-me-back-even-for-just-a-little-while type guys and you are a careless moron who will never move forward and on to newer and better relationships until this hussy is out of the picture for good, and i mean, no friendly phone calls and emails and getting together every so often to buy her lunch. you know she shit-talks you. seriously. eventually (hopefully) you will convince some other woman to be your lady and she will be just like your ex and control you forever. why are you even bothering to ask my advice? you know you’re going to get back with your ex anyhow and you’ll probably get married and then she will leave you for some rich dude and then you will kill yourself. boring.
Dear Raaaaaaymi,
I have had a boyfriend for two years, long-distance. At a party I met another guy. We talked for three hours. I didn’t mention I had a boyfriend because it never came up. I later learned (through the rumour mill) he also has a girlfriend. I know I didn’t mention I wasn’t single, so I can’t blame him for no mentioning he wasn’t single. But I can’t help but wonder why neither of us said anything. We’ve kept in touch through e-mail. In my last e-mail, I told him my boyfriend was coming to visit. I never heard from him again. What does this all mean? – Confused
Dear Fatso,long-distance relationships are bullshit and the most boring thing ever to have to listen about at parties and everyone knows you are pathetic because you can’t find someone to be with who lives near you and you are wasting your time and when you meet up with your fake-boyfriend inside you are going, i hate him, fuck do i hate him, because if you were that into each other you would just move there or he would move to where you are and if he is one of those freak of nature monogamous types who is making you pretty i miss you packages and spoiling you from afar and thinks the world of you and you are out on the town pretending to be single you are a cunty wench who SHOULD BE SINGLE FOR FUCKSAKES! what does this all mean? it means you blew your chance with this other guy who had no interest in you to begin with and you saying you had a boyfriend made him go phew, see ya and showed him how much of a liar you are and he is also a piece of shit for having a girlfriend and not saying so. you are all pieces of shit and you probably dress lame.
Anyway, I have been a listen lady for eleven years this November. People heed my advice over that of their own family and friends. Need Help? raymi@raymitheminx.com
XOXO
ps. colleague i need new biz cards STAT.
pps. speaking of oldchool check my blog template. I know right? Trip down memory I could give a fuck lane. It’s content, always the content. Anywhoo. I feel like my design guys think I am richer than I am and wanna gouge me based on how my fame has quadrupled since we first merged forces (also they’re mega busy with paying clients as all design guys are), so, anyone who wants to whip this shit into shape feel free to get at me and use me on your portfolio. You’d be surprised the doors RAYMITHEMINX can open for you. Just ask other Lil Raymis. Cheers governa’.
