The eatingest sweetheart of the city. Maybe that will be my next self-selling detail, usually I tack the “foodie” bit on to the end of all my other accolades, “Oh and I’m a total pig with connections too, fully, honestly.”
Scotch egg and steak tartare. Red Flag was in a feeling’s eating mood, I wasn’t, but I ate anyway. 416 food doesn’t count cos it’s made for mice from the Beatrix Potter book (tiny tiny portion sized).
Eggs benny scotched egg at that. Deadly.
Deadlier, Devil’s on horseback. No idea what they were, still kind of don’t. Favourite thing. I don’t know what it is but it’s my favourite.
This shirt and a few others I discovered in one of my many piles of collections that I have been diligently pairing down and out the stuff I never wear. I got this from our adventurehouse garage sale from Melucas, why they would get rid of this gem beats me. I also got a nice white vintage GOODYEAR tee.
Do you want to date my ex? Seriously. Consider this the beginnings of the facilitation process. Normally his face isn’t this intense.
Amazing oysters. This was all we ate.
My vest matched the decor.
This seemed dangerous.
Allison’s birthday party in the park. I showed up wicked late.
Happy Birthday little pet! RUV ROO! Only 25! Allow me to suck up your youth. I can remember back to when I was 25 and hanging out with you…
The picnic sheet had a Madhatter thing going on which I loved and sat on.
It was down to this or the blue, I felt the party hats poppin’ up might be too much for the world. It’s the little things, no? HAahahaa righteous.
White peach (nothing white about it) crystal light.
Smoked gouda flax nachos, with sriracha and green salsa.
Rasta toothbrush felt like checking up on the neighbours. I have three other rotating toothbrushes going right now (from traveling, one goes missing so you open another then that first one appears again, you know how it is) so I haven’t used this one yet I just like walking around with it for street cred purposes.
Some people collect dolls, others, bottles of tequila.
And so of course I had some wine.
Daddy’s girl. lol.
Took some italian cheese for the road and my perry bible fellowship book back! Now when I reference it people will understand what the hell I am talking about.
That grey shirt is from Zellers if you can believe it.
This guy in libville forced us to let him take our picture then got annoyed at us for my phone taking so long to load, he offered, I was perfectly fine posing solo in front of this taken by paddy. He took a great shot to be honest so, it all worked out in the end.
My mom said she lost ten pounds at the fat camp. Can’t wait to see her and Lois!
I’m down to 120. Not even by trying either.
I love Liberty Village.
I didn’t realize clem had one of those sports cars everybody stares at, like the top ten douchey fancy cars you’d see in libville, it has the four rings, an audi? I dunno but everyone was staring and I liked it. They should market a platinum side hair clip for sports car passengers, oh wait they do, they’re called weaves.
Clem was playing hooky and a total enabler like me, paddy showed to drop off my nail polish (FINALLY OMFG!) and then it turned into a beach mission. Stella the dog had the best time ever and has been my loyal devoted shadow follower ever since. She gets in phases where I am a Greek Goddess and it’s pretty cute. I love winning.
At Lisa’s Friday night pre-drinks before the Silver Dollar. Dan Burke (promoter one-man legit toronto music scene institution) was mesmerized by my face but couldn’t place it, I’m a ghost from the past and my hair isn’t black anymore.
Who knew my earrings could be weapons, they’re cubes, sharp also positioned pointing outward all pointy.
When James hugged me goodbye (a serious hug!) he cut his flippin’ face on my right earring. Hardcore carnage!
A dark n stormy (lime dark rum and ginger beer).
These moments will get you through winter.
Aw look at Stella she is like what are you doing to meee? She made a new friend in Lenny. Maybe we can walk her to Clem’s one day and party on his deck for a change?
These are the crispy calamari I ate the other day, see how much I got them crisped. I’ll be back at the caddy within 48 hours now thanks to this photo.
I can’t believe we all fit in that thing. Princess always rides shotgun. You should see me in the front seat of a cab ordering the driver around like my husband ahahaha it’s hilarious. Omg try having a ride with Melodie and I we are horrible, horrible! I love it! Hope she’s having a good time in Montreal.
New fav band is NEW GHOST. Maybe we’ll do a burlesque showcase together, yeah? I love shows at Silver Dollar.
Bumped into Courtney up Ossington just as hung as we were, she was in search of bread. Fun!
Sorry for the cat hair but this was an essential part of yesterday. If I were a dude I’d hit metro on my way to work at least once a week and buy this. Teach ate the majority of it.
Ate at The Bellevue, this is the avocado frisee. Delicious. Tasted like a stuffed potato, but without the potato and with avocado instead. Perfs for the skinny dieters out there.
Must learn and master this diana F+ by tomorrow’s tiff party. Heidi help me load it!
I went for slob chic yesterday omg I just remembered there’s loads more cute pics of me on teacher’s phone arrrg.
I tried to get the Lakeview to do a fry-less poutine for me once and it flopped, the hot gravy on the lettuce brought out too much earthy essence from the leaves, ugh. Green beans work though! Thanks Bellevue, totally going to do this at home. Add mushroom too.
teach said this one long curly woody allen haired guy kept looking at us like we were “Somebody” or maybe it was because we were fighting? hahahaa.
See? I win.
I didn’t have time to dry my hair post-wash on Friday so I had funny hair all weekend long.
A Beer Story is when shit goes down at the beer store and without further ado, here is MY BEER STORY.
I made us do suicide hangover errands, one being the magical chore of recycling your booze bottle collection. We have lots of parties here and people leave their empties. We had enough for a Sapporo 6 pack awwright! I hangover-raged on an employee who then was passive aggressively sluggish and a hobo lush (this is so kerouac) behind us in line knew him by name, called it out to him while he dragged his fat lazy ass on by, to continue the chain of passive aggression like HA HA these hipster yuppies have to wait longer at the tin can boozehall rumpus room what is the Brock beer store (can we return empties in libville or not?) so I whipped my head around and scowled at THAT hobo my disdain by way of huge paris hilton glasses and ice freeze out stare which wiped the smile from her face. I felt slightly bad but not really. Then I stared at her in the two-way mirror reflection on the back of the door like a bully and she turned to stone. Before slow McFuckface went by he goes YEAH SHE’LL BE RIGHT THERE snapping at me when I spoke for the people EXCUSE ME IS SOMEBODY GOING TO HELP US Teacher braced himself for impact. I said, “She was FIVE MINUTES AGO!” She came out, said hi and seriously invented nothing to do out back to just leave us standing there for five whole minutes for no f-ing reason at all, HELLO!? I only gave that boozy behind us a face to let her know that I knew she was joshing me, I have nothing but contempt for the passive aggressive, always have. You mess with my mellow and I will make you regret it. Am I insane with pent-up emotions passionate as all F- you betcha, isn’t this blog great!
The sister video to this isn’t rotated, albeit darker, and just as it gets good these other chicks show up and block my dance moves with Jasmine. It’s a minute long. You can deal craning your neck, I requested this song specifically thanks to all of Toronto’s poking fun at my alleged ainwrecking-tray ways and similarity to one notorious Courtney Love. The girl who grabs my bewbs in this video that I classily and politely allowed (but pissed me off) I totally thought was a family friend of ours I hadn’t seen in over a decade. It wasn’t her but my confusion and thinking it was bought her more drunk groping time. Girls get away with murder.
Check the smoke coming out of her mouth! I love Starlight Burlesque Troupe. So many in the city eh? Brb with a treasure trove of goodies. My godmother finally downloaded her camera’s photos, I cycled through half a year of shots of all our shenanigans and you can clearly see my metamorphosis from drunk fat bloated face to skinny slim. Awesome! It’s good to see that shit and a total lesson not to ever go back. Canadians get booze bloat in the winter.
Yeah. There’s no doubt I’ll be heading off somewhere warm pretty soon.
Sunnyside rules.
Totally amazing day!
Gotta go party now it’s teacher’s bday! (TEXT ME IF YOU’RE OUT AND ABOUT WE’LL BUMP INTO YOU) Maybe some drunkaoke or a titty bar. Darius said they fill up during TIFF with B/C List celebs so better get on it. Remind me to tell you about the cops who flirted up a storm with paddy and I. I blushed like crazy. Dudes in uniform I have major crushes on. Clem is trying to convince us to driveto Niagara to party. Ugh want to but so much effort. Paddy and I went for drinks in Libville and the sun has wiped me out.
Lenny and Stella are in love. They got along so well. Stella was the happiest dog today she looked into my soul and said, thank you Lauren. Seriously. AHhahAha ok bye. Ps. Lenny is a girl. LESBODOGS!
If you go out in the woods today
You’re sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You’d better go in disguise.
How creepy would it be if I did a dance to that nursery rhyme for Devil’s Night? Hot scary eerie. I should dance for Rob Zombie. We made eye contact all concert long when I sat in the third row for OZZY (with him too!)
aw the rest of that song is ridiculous.
Grabbed a sunshiney nook at Milagro. Tweet flirted with them the entire time. The owner sent us shots of Tromba over with special homebrew chasers made by the owner of Tromba. They really took care of us. Love that resto, always have.
See? How could you not be pumped by this little sprite in your establishment. Know that we are entering into an exciting eating pact adventure together when I sit down and the twitpic games begin. Ariba! I adore great service.
Dropped in on my friends Magic Pony to buy a shirt cos it was so hot out in my fitness jackety thing. Learned there’d be an art partay later and said I’d be back, Kristin didn’t buy it but I sure fooled her. Noel send me those pictures please (our phones died by this time and by phones I mean cameras haha) Hi Anez!
Wuhoo thanks Lomo and thanks for also rhyming with one of my favourite words too!
Poutine from the caddy. I didn’t notice how graphic this photo was when I tweeted it and everyone lost their minds, one reader working for the company that supplies this organic grass fed stuff from PEI. TMI all around Jesus. Had the crispy calamari before that I got them to crisp the hell out of my order, they did and now I have a new favourite in town. Go try it too. I ate every single one.
Then my ears were burning and look who should show up. Mitzi’s was closed (building permit?) and parts n labour, dead. Yeah right I bet he was stalking my twitter feed ha ha.
Back to Milagro. We feasted.
Cupping the last of my taco.
Messy princess.
The cheapest shirt on Queen W you could find in the knick of time. $7.50. XS.
Then we had these steak ones cos we weren’t finished. I can’t remember what they’re called. Hoovered instantly. Also had the guac and chips plus the baja slaw.
Teeny weeny margaritas up-sold to milagro from cuervo, the other ones were too rich for my blood. I was paying. Trying to save right now.
The chaser is: cilantro, lime, jalapeno, pineapple and other stuff I forget. So refreshing. Genius. I could sit there all day taking shots and chasing them. I’ll save that for my Johnny Depp in Mexico phase in life. Andalé!
Classy bottle.
On to the party. I chose the rosco cos it’s a midlake song and I am a dork like that.
Obviously.
The Lomo store is amazeballs.
After all those margaritas I had to wee. Meh.
My favourite Singaporean blogger Xiaxue did this to her camera years ago. She calls crystals/diamonds: diamantes. I love her dialect.
This one was pretty good.
This one launched me into many nostalgic tender northern summertime moments.
I grazed on these greens.
One of the artists, Jason Nip. Sharp dude. Loved his camera pretty much the most, I said it reminded me of Lord of the Rings/the Shire.
His Lomo. Darling, right?
Taking advantage of the lighting. Haha that reminded me of trips to camera stores with exes, standing still pretending I’m unaware of fifty camera geeks photographing me. The hair on your neck pricks up.
They had a band too, drank tickets. Well done party, kids.
My Diana F+ Lomo Camera looks like that cake, which I didn’t realize was a cake and thus handled all over for a few seconds. It’s all marzipan. Which took me a minute to figure out by reeling cake wars episodes through my head.
I really liked her classic desperation ocad student facial expression. Plus her camera rules.
Doot dee doo.
I’m pumped. I already have mastered mystery camera. Heidi has one of these and we’re seeing her tonight. Free lesson!
Saw a chick I see around town all the time but never remember the name of (total artist, in a billion bands) walking out with one of these and stopped her. Bands and film cameras are kind of like a rule right? Thanks Cory Kennedy! No, seriously. Also there were two young boys walking around proudly with their lomo cameras, I was obsessed with wonder about their parents, enforcing film on their youths in a digital world. I bet they are hipsters.
Taking this with me to the beach today.
I take a picture in this spot every year at this time of year. The sun is seasoned, the tail end of summer. That dog ruled.
Really liked this one too.
A holga camera.
Another Holga camera.
My hair is in a state. I was planning to go for a run then go home and then decided to just go as is. I am not a poseur.
Oh hi. Nice boots.
Kay bye!
Espresso long shots at Second Cup and I discovered a match made in heaven.
Louboutins! Thanks Alison!
Air show party. Lotsa people came over it was a bad hangover day for me TBH following our burlesque performance the night before but awesome to roll right back into the party vortex, I had the giggles all day and found myself to be most hilarious. I got to tell Sarah (my bestie from playshcool bro!) the knock-knock joke I had been waiting my entire LIFE to tell her, specifically. No one expected it, their mouths were like this: ‘O’ when I delivered the punch line. It goes Knock knock, who’s there? Sarah! Sarah Who? Sarah chair around here I’m getting tired of standing. She was standing at the time too and I was pulling a chair out. I told you it was a great party!
Those were my grandmother’s binoculars. I spied on the apartment buildings across the way and now I want a telescope. I have a lot more photos from this I’ll blog later. TOO MANY THINGS!
Bahaha wasted still. I was lying in bed going, seriously, this is happening? It’s happening. It’s happening right? They’re coming? My dad was talking about the weather foreceast cancelling the show and I thought that might actually happen lying there with my hangover.
