A Beer Story is when shit goes down at the beer store and without further ado, here is MY BEER STORY.
I made us do suicide hangover errands, one being the magical chore of recycling your booze bottle collection. We have lots of parties here and people leave their empties. We had enough for a Sapporo 6 pack awwright! I hangover-raged on an employee who then was passive aggressively sluggish and a hobo lush (this is so kerouac) behind us in line knew him by name, called it out to him while he dragged his fat lazy ass on by, to continue the chain of passive aggression like HA HA these hipster yuppies have to wait longer at the tin can boozehall rumpus room what is the Brock beer store (can we return empties in libville or not?) so I whipped my head around and scowled at THAT hobo my disdain by way of huge paris hilton glasses and ice freeze out stare which wiped the smile from her face. I felt slightly bad but not really. Then I stared at her in the two-way mirror reflection on the back of the door like a bully and she turned to stone. Before slow McFuckface went by he goes YEAH SHE’LL BE RIGHT THERE snapping at me when I spoke for the people EXCUSE ME IS SOMEBODY GOING TO HELP US Teacher braced himself for impact. I said, “She was FIVE MINUTES AGO!” She came out, said hi and seriously invented nothing to do out back to just leave us standing there for five whole minutes for no f-ing reason at all, HELLO!? I only gave that boozy behind us a face to let her know that I knew she was joshing me, I have nothing but contempt for the passive aggressive, always have. You mess with my mellow and I will make you regret it. Am I insane with pent-up emotions passionate as all F- you betcha, isn’t this blog great!
The sister video to this isn’t rotated, albeit darker, and just as it gets good these other chicks show up and block my dance moves with Jasmine. It’s a minute long. You can deal craning your neck, I requested this song specifically thanks to all of Toronto’s poking fun at my alleged ainwrecking-tray ways and similarity to one notorious Courtney Love. The girl who grabs my bewbs in this video that I classily and politely allowed (but pissed me off) I totally thought was a family friend of ours I hadn’t seen in over a decade. It wasn’t her but my confusion and thinking it was bought her more drunk groping time. Girls get away with murder.
Check the smoke coming out of her mouth! I love Starlight Burlesque Troupe. So many in the city eh? Brb with a treasure trove of goodies. My godmother finally downloaded her camera’s photos, I cycled through half a year of shots of all our shenanigans and you can clearly see my metamorphosis from drunk fat bloated face to skinny slim. Awesome! It’s good to see that shit and a total lesson not to ever go back. Canadians get booze bloat in the winter.
Yeah. There’s no doubt I’ll be heading off somewhere warm pretty soon.
Sunnyside rules.
Totally amazing day!
Gotta go party now it’s teacher’s bday! (TEXT ME IF YOU’RE OUT AND ABOUT WE’LL BUMP INTO YOU) Maybe some drunkaoke or a titty bar. Darius said they fill up during TIFF with B/C List celebs so better get on it. Remind me to tell you about the cops who flirted up a storm with paddy and I. I blushed like crazy. Dudes in uniform I have major crushes on. Clem is trying to convince us to driveto Niagara to party. Ugh want to but so much effort. Paddy and I went for drinks in Libville and the sun has wiped me out.
Lenny and Stella are in love. They got along so well. Stella was the happiest dog today she looked into my soul and said, thank you Lauren. Seriously. AHhahAha ok bye. Ps. Lenny is a girl. LESBODOGS!
If you go out in the woods today
You’re sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You’d better go in disguise.
How creepy would it be if I did a dance to that nursery rhyme for Devil’s Night? Hot scary eerie. I should dance for Rob Zombie. We made eye contact all concert long when I sat in the third row for OZZY (with him too!)
aw the rest of that song is ridiculous.
Grabbed a sunshiney nook at Milagro. Tweet flirted with them the entire time. The owner sent us shots of Tromba over with special homebrew chasers made by the owner of Tromba. They really took care of us. Love that resto, always have.
See? How could you not be pumped by this little sprite in your establishment. Know that we are entering into an exciting eating pact adventure together when I sit down and the twitpic games begin. Ariba! I adore great service.
Dropped in on my friends Magic Pony to buy a shirt cos it was so hot out in my fitness jackety thing. Learned there’d be an art partay later and said I’d be back, Kristin didn’t buy it but I sure fooled her. Noel send me those pictures please (our phones died by this time and by phones I mean cameras haha) Hi Anez!
Wuhoo thanks Lomo and thanks for also rhyming with one of my favourite words too!
Poutine from the caddy. I didn’t notice how graphic this photo was when I tweeted it and everyone lost their minds, one reader working for the company that supplies this organic grass fed stuff from PEI. TMI all around Jesus. Had the crispy calamari before that I got them to crisp the hell out of my order, they did and now I have a new favourite in town. Go try it too. I ate every single one.
Then my ears were burning and look who should show up. Mitzi’s was closed (building permit?) and parts n labour, dead. Yeah right I bet he was stalking my twitter feed ha ha.
Back to Milagro. We feasted.
Cupping the last of my taco.
Messy princess.
The cheapest shirt on Queen W you could find in the knick of time. $7.50. XS.
Then we had these steak ones cos we weren’t finished. I can’t remember what they’re called. Hoovered instantly. Also had the guac and chips plus the baja slaw.
Teeny weeny margaritas up-sold to milagro from cuervo, the other ones were too rich for my blood. I was paying. Trying to save right now.
The chaser is: cilantro, lime, jalapeno, pineapple and other stuff I forget. So refreshing. Genius. I could sit there all day taking shots and chasing them. I’ll save that for my Johnny Depp in Mexico phase in life. Andalé!
Classy bottle.
On to the party. I chose the rosco cos it’s a midlake song and I am a dork like that.
Obviously.
The Lomo store is amazeballs.
After all those margaritas I had to wee. Meh.
My favourite Singaporean blogger Xiaxue did this to her camera years ago. She calls crystals/diamonds: diamantes. I love her dialect.
This one was pretty good.
This one launched me into many nostalgic tender northern summertime moments.
I grazed on these greens.
One of the artists, Jason Nip. Sharp dude. Loved his camera pretty much the most, I said it reminded me of Lord of the Rings/the Shire.
His Lomo. Darling, right?
Taking advantage of the lighting. Haha that reminded me of trips to camera stores with exes, standing still pretending I’m unaware of fifty camera geeks photographing me. The hair on your neck pricks up.
They had a band too, drank tickets. Well done party, kids.
My Diana F+ Lomo Camera looks like that cake, which I didn’t realize was a cake and thus handled all over for a few seconds. It’s all marzipan. Which took me a minute to figure out by reeling cake wars episodes through my head.
I really liked her classic desperation ocad student facial expression. Plus her camera rules.
Doot dee doo.
I’m pumped. I already have mastered mystery camera. Heidi has one of these and we’re seeing her tonight. Free lesson!
Saw a chick I see around town all the time but never remember the name of (total artist, in a billion bands) walking out with one of these and stopped her. Bands and film cameras are kind of like a rule right? Thanks Cory Kennedy! No, seriously. Also there were two young boys walking around proudly with their lomo cameras, I was obsessed with wonder about their parents, enforcing film on their youths in a digital world. I bet they are hipsters.
Taking this with me to the beach today.
I take a picture in this spot every year at this time of year. The sun is seasoned, the tail end of summer. That dog ruled.
Really liked this one too.
A holga camera.
Another Holga camera.
My hair is in a state. I was planning to go for a run then go home and then decided to just go as is. I am not a poseur.
Oh hi. Nice boots.
Kay bye!
Espresso long shots at Second Cup and I discovered a match made in heaven.
Louboutins! Thanks Alison!
Air show party. Lotsa people came over it was a bad hangover day for me TBH following our burlesque performance the night before but awesome to roll right back into the party vortex, I had the giggles all day and found myself to be most hilarious. I got to tell Sarah (my bestie from playshcool bro!) the knock-knock joke I had been waiting my entire LIFE to tell her, specifically. No one expected it, their mouths were like this: ‘O’ when I delivered the punch line. It goes Knock knock, who’s there? Sarah! Sarah Who? Sarah chair around here I’m getting tired of standing. She was standing at the time too and I was pulling a chair out. I told you it was a great party!
Those were my grandmother’s binoculars. I spied on the apartment buildings across the way and now I want a telescope. I have a lot more photos from this I’ll blog later. TOO MANY THINGS!
Bahaha wasted still. I was lying in bed going, seriously, this is happening? It’s happening. It’s happening right? They’re coming? My dad was talking about the weather foreceast cancelling the show and I thought that might actually happen lying there with my hangover.
Probably. Travis lyric. You know I partied with them backstage once? Ghomeshi was there too. That was the beginning of him hating me. Radmad and I were in proper form.
Anyway here I am at the age of seventeen on Easter weekend on the BK bridge, visiting my secret older boyfriend and sussing out my future playground. That was an interesting hair period. Also, you may notice the WTC. True I lived there when shit went down, you’ll know that if you’ve been following along. I was blogging then too. (a post from the day before).
Now, it occurs to me that the anniversary of this event is approaching and, embarrassingly, or more appropriately, terrifyingly, the date does affect me. I have been pulverized in thread forums and ridiculed for my ptsd, been bullied into not speaking up about it. I am happy personally that last year was all good, the one before it no, the one before that god no. I received a death threat on one anniversary that gutted me, it was awful, I barfed three times and had to bail on my own event. People were coming, it was a nightmare.
A good friend Sean Ward said to never ever read comments leading up to an event. I pretty much fail in that department. Another blogger has a google alert on her name. I don’t do that, so glad I don’t oh man.
Alright so, I did go cuckoo bananas at one point in time. It is embarrassing to talk about but I am grateful to my family oh so much for being supportive during that time and knowing how to poke fun of it with me despite how painful it really was. My brother is really good at that I love him so much.
My therapist and I talk about it. I am a functioning, capable woman(child ahha) with none too many headcase problems. I am a workhorse hyper-career achieving focused freak though. Screwing up is not an option for me essentially so I can be let loose.
Because of my high-functioning stress levels and I guess, mania, and legitimate stressful events that I keep my head down and just motor through, that stress has the ability to come out in other ways. If I don’t sleep, that’s how it can begin, combined and due to possibly something or a number of things that stress me out, which can bring on an anxiety attack, which I can manage and talk myself out of.
But then, I think about my big mouth, my blog, and get paranoid. Combo of the coincidence of 9/11 and having a personal fear/sensitivity and on the regular paranoia in general sometimes, I dunno, something in my brain is permanently damaged, a screw is loose, unhinged thanks to this little amazing event and my territory online.
Ok I will just spit it out.
After the first plane hit, which I heard, and by the time we got up to the roof black fighter jets were zooming overhead like something out of transformers gi joe and face off, remember, the pentagon was hit too and another plane went missing, we didn’t dream this up. It was magnificent and later suffering ptsd from this moment, gruesome. You think regular people with healthy obsessions regarding war, conspiracy theories… I was not keen on paying attention to anything period. We were sickened by it. For days, which turned into weeks. I lived there for well after. I have stories.
The Air Show, hearing airplanes like that, it makes me feel like I am on the drop zone going down down down doown terribly down your stomach keeps dropping below you taken away from you. I felt this just recently on a less high version of it at the CNE and was morbidly fascinated by going on it over and over and over again with my brother, despite the terror practically puking up out of my throat.
The thing with the air show is it happens every year before 9/11 So I get to be terrified for three weeks. Three fucking weeks I suppress it. It has ruined my life on so many occasions outside of the anniversary though too.
Recently I saw a photo of the falling man. I shouldn’t have looked at it cos it’s that shit that sets me off, but I did and partially glad cos it made me realize there are others like me out there, somehow affected like this. The photographer of that shot for instance. They interviewed him about it. I don’t like to share these details because it’s super exploitation-feeling. He said he saw hundreds that day and captured them. When I hear about people jumping from buildings I have to know every detail about it even though it repulses me.
My number one pet peeve supreme is people wasted at parties at 3 in the morning trying to scream conspiracy theories at me, I tell them to 1. shut the f- up and 2. I do not give a f- which makes them CONTINUE. It never ends well, I end up from dusk til dawning them into regretting their poor etiquette and insensitivities like that. Quite the spectacle!
Blah sorry to bum you out. I now make a point to say nothing on the day of or near to it cos it freaks me out and it never won’t, I also can’t partake or be expected to be reliable for any sort of function either.
Ok I feel better now. I pretty much cried my way through writing this. Oh women!
You can see the Towers behind me in this picture in the distance. They look further than what actually were/felt at time.
Uh why am I blogging this when it’s the very source of my stresspression right now? I have an exact replica installation up in the tickle trunk. Organizing costumes post-show is a bring down. Where is blog slave?
But still, it is a chance to reminisce one more time paha I picture steph unpacking from a weekend camping trip which she always gets the post party emo from too (we are sappy sentimentalists) and unpacking dirty clothes and sleeping bags I don’t think she is as posi about it or gets to be.
You can see my bear costume. I love that thing. Can I wear it like a normal person like, as a hoodie? Then when everyone’s gunned flip the ears up and it’s ewok town.
Stella looks like a fawn. I want to get a new rug for winter. Maybe teacher’s bday gift will be an Ikea date. It’s way less selfish than it sounds, he really likes going and maybe the bonus will be that I actually pay for something? Yeah, a candle. That I get to choose the colour of. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Actually I’ve given the guy two gifts already why am I getting so defensive help agh I dunno.
Uncle Tyler appeared and hung all night long. We successfully made “a happening” saw so many familiar faces I was dizzy. Here’s an email I received yesterday from Tera:
Hello Minx!
I have been reading your blog for about a year now and I absolutely adore your writing style. The photos are fun and definitely keep me entertained but your writing is inspiring and motivating.
I came to introduce myself to you at Bovine Sex Club on Sunday but I didn’t get the chance. I came with 7 Russian boys who were strung out from earlier in the weekend and who wanted to go to the strip club instead because there’s “more action” haha. We left after two acts (one from the redhead and your Gulag dance). I feel sorta weird knowing so much about you without ever acquainting myself to you so next time we’re in the same place please don’t be alarmed if I make a beeline for you with my arm outstretched.
Your summer of Raymi has been fascinating to follow along with. I feel like you have a list of the things that are the most difficult to do (perform in front of people, public speak, network with a ton of strangers) and you make a point to do them. Personally, it’s made me take notice and stop coddling myself like “Oh good job Tera you did the bare minimum today”. I’m going to start doing the things I’m most scared of from now on. I’m going to set my bar high and I’m not going to feel bad about it. It’s good to see that you don’t let other people try to make you feel ashamed or whatever about the things you achieve. I don’t even really think it’s their fault – it’s a result of feeling like shit due to their own inactivity and non-accomplishments – so they have to disparage you to make themselves believe they don’t want your success and happiness anyway. Honestly, it’s quite sad how many people go through life on auto-pilot and won’t even put in the effort to know and understand themselves. Well, I’m going to go weep for the human race now.
Hopefully our next show (devil’s night) we’ll have a few more dancers to have non-stop smut for your ruskie boys. This was a really nice email to receive it makes the mania worth it haha and for sure fight the shy and say hi next time, I live for these dorky awkward moments and cherish each one. Thanks for bein’ a lil raymi. xo
Omg nice face. See how I spilled water on myself, straight off the bat too, a girl smushed into me. The Tornado Labyrinth cavernesque cyclone (redundant) of the Bovine makes personal space, not a thing. LOVE THAT!
This wasn’t a dance (but turned slightly into one) it was us hyping the crowd up for Jasmine, to Slow Ride. We culled from Dazed and Confused, I did a punch of push ups haHAha people were totally impressed by that. Like my palm tree? There’s a flamingo too. Allison texted said I AM FREAKING OUT I CAN’T DECORATE AND WATCH MY BAR. She got her ass handed to her by how slammed it was. Slam dunked more like!
Once I started I was like woah, I actually want to do these right now, how many more can I do then BAM BAM Paddy’s ass comes down on me then I kept doing them. I could hear people cheering over the tune.
That was the first burpee-ish thing I’ve done in wedges. A burpee is a stupid word for push ups from prone to standing, like you’d do in boot camp. See my hawaiian girl mobiles? Good placement Allison. I drew a hilariously crappy diagram of how I wanted the decorations designed. I hope you kept it. You try drawing a flamingo under duress. It looked like a coat hanger.
When I was running through Bellwoods last week blasting daft punk’s da funk I pictured us in day-glo string bikinis and eerie mardi gras masks, dancing in robotic formation. That was going to be an extra thing we did but I think we got the point across with the masks the once. That song begins all urban traffic noises, has a summer vibe and they’re french (daft punk are) and always obscure/hide their faces when being interviewed. I’ve been a fan for years. I rollerskated to this song in Quebec City at 14 in this amazing discotheque with enormous white speakers in the centre upon which the dj spun and rotated with strobe lights, that was an awesome and defining moment for me and as we’ve just had a vacation in Quebec City, I like to insert personal meaning into every thing that I do.
And I give you the amazing Brosz7kowski.
Drinking water. Responsible and professional dancer (for hire too, we do all kinds of gigs) RAYMI@RAYMITHEMINX.COM I plan to dance with this maid marion head wreathe, and my davy crocket hat, and maybe something sinister to the teddy bear’s picnic. I danced behind the bar in this. While not performing I came out in several costume changes and partied with everyone. Devil’s night is going to be OFF THE CHAIN.
SO many photogs!
The Green room. It got so filled we had our own security back there. What a lucky guy he was right? Perfect outfit Tyler!
And him too of course.
She’s such a cute girl.
Our combined tickle trunks are out of control now. Doesn’t take long.
Perfect headband.
I’ve always loved inserting crazy xmas light blur shots to my blog posts never imagined it would be one from a night of my own production and scandalousness.
Yes you’ve seen it, goes with le post. It reminds me to do sit ups and not jump out the window to the burger king drive thru.
This was the summer of bathing suits. In part I thank Tat for giving me grief over my one black ratty string bikini I rocked all of last summer, she was going to send me some suits from a client which ended up not happening but that doesn’t matter cos it inspired me to get ripped and to get new suits. How many do I have, 6?
click to spy. And there’s my toucan! AND PINEAPPLE!
We popped our own bottle of Brut.
The magnum I passed around I had to practise tilting it up, so heavy. Thanks Bob! (thank you gift for taking them to Beady Eye, how do you spell it?)
Air rade Freshman. Though, I’m a Senior. I guess this is an example of what we will be doing to you. Good for a Bachelor party no? Abusing the groom? No problemo.
This was the first and only mask I tried on at the party store there were so so many but I instantly knew this was the one because it was ugly and thus, easier to make beautiful. My cat mask from New Orleans is cute as hell, but not domineering enough.
BRB with more these are just randoms I uploaded cos everyone was showing up for the air show.
