FROM LADY GARBAGE FILMS! IT’S A SCARY NIGHT AND A SCARY MOVIE!
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blue jeans burlesque
prelude to a star
This is what I see Everybody stops and starin’ at me
Long hair!
Ok here is some of my material, ready? SO WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH CRAZY GIRLS, RIGHT? (long pause, nod) And, Baths? I elaborate and then talk about having a bath earlier even though my ride was arriving in ten minutes, I filled up the entire fucking tub even and got right in. and I wrote some of these jokes. Is it that I am crazy, or just a giant asshole? That last line is an elaboration, I didn’t say that but I am using this blog post as a working fine-tuning of my craft here. And everything got laughs Continue reading
Last night a little angel came pumpin ‘cross my floor
This has been flagged, BIG SURPRISE, so you have to be logged in to view. Cool story. Not taking the post down. Haters can suck it. There is absolutely no nudity in this video and it is NOT innapropes, comparatively to tons of garbage out there. This is just a personal attack against Raymi, and always will be. I normally upload to vimeo cos you can’t control anything there but the video is too long now that Teacher’s phone vid quality is higher so I had to go with youtube. Thanks, and fuck you twats. Maybe if you did sit-ups you wouldn’t feel obliged to flag me all the time. Cow.
And you know what your bitch become when her weaved in
Mistress of disguise. Mistress of dis guy more like! Whaaat.
It’s been a lovely day of rest. Just watched Immortal Beloved. Heart-wrenching, oh there’s the door. Gotta go. Ok I am back, Nathan had to pick up his gear that he left at our place yesterday. Now what should we do? Sucky Friday night sulk? Well I’d love to! There’s one can of gingerale left we will have to order more food just to get more. Or maybe a twelve pack from metro which would require leaving the house. Supposed to go to a party down the street. We will see who wins this war, lazy or party, due to stir crazy caused by the former laziness. But another episode of Celebrity Big Brother is on the horizon and will def be a key determining hibernation factor. I only share this with you because I know you care.
xo rlw.
UPDATE: GOING OUT. STIR CRAZY AGHH! What’s up Toronto?
TGiDeaf
Here’s what I REALLY looked like last night without the filter of bone-crippling self consciousness. As can be typical. These are just house posing shoes, I wore my classic black mary jane wedges instead of these. Of course.
Even though I cried at one point (thankfully not on stage) I still killed it. I’ll write down my material later after I do what I do best for a little bit: lie down on the couch drinking pop and watching tv. It feels like Christbreakfastmas break all over again, hello snow!
It always feels like that though for me and the moment it stops, my life will have gone to shit cos it means I had to get a real job and I hope that day never (ever) comes. That’s when you get pregnant! Kidding! Zing!
Here is evidence that I actually left the house yesterday.
I’m only wearing a bit of base so I look pretty native.
Kielce did a wicked job.
Who knew I’d have the same shade of my Grandmother’s hair so soon in life. I don’t even have any grey hairs yet, not that I’d ever get to see them at the rate I get my roots done but, this ashy tone finish is BOSS.
It’ll fade into the rest of the platinum though and all be the same eventually unless I get more purple hair wash (I will in the ‘burbs on the weekend it’s hard to find in the city or from any shoppers I ever go to here ugh) and then I can control and manipulate, lengthen out this tone/finish.
As it’s wet. Hair geniuses over at Brennen Demelo. I mentioned them in my standup too I was like, my hairs best balee they is sponsored mhhm honey childs I knows you is accustomed to impoverished and unsuccessful comedians up here but me, I am actually Made. Then I said some other funny stuff that won’t translate well here so I’ll save it.
Notation bible. That Vogue is in french so, I put it back on the table and read trash mags instead. My phone keyboard stopped working so I couldn’t get much work done. Sitting and being at rest is hard work, relaxing is also hard.
Charmaine got me this blythe book I tried to make my blythe tattoo talk on the mic when I pointed out that it was the same as the picture on my journal. No laughs. O-kay, carrying on then.
Shite weather day yeah.
My hair looked like this at one point.
That is that.
Off I go.
See you real soon!
Raymes Lemon
The top of my hair is light purple that fades into ice platinum ash. I kept my eyebrows dark. What a freak. Cunning. People might laugh at my jokes if they like me more and they will like me more if I am dressed like I eat whole wheat cookies and have an Etsy store. Zing!
Me and my best friend gingerale here, it is a good booze substitute and makes you skinny. The rest of this joke you will have to experience in person, I lose too many clients when I go too vulgar. It’s not me, it’s you!
My biggest fear and dream is coming true tonight! I’m doing stand up comedy. I have a book filled with “jokes” and hopefully I don’t choke. I’m doing my best to under-sell it cos I hope it’s only my comedy clique friends in attendance and I plan to get wicked skunked who knows what laundry I’ll air! I have been planning to do this for years and years and years and was told years and years ago that your first show is a complete write off anyway. I consider myself a funny motherfucker so, if I tank, IT WILL BE HARD. If all else fails I will just take my clothes off.
Starts at 9. Cherry Colas. Please don’t come.
Now I am rehearsing for my Valentine’s Burlesque show. Starting this one early it’s going to be a swank gala affair.
Do something that terrifies you weekly. Speaking of that, this is the calm before the pre-MTV storm that airs next Tuesday. They posted my profile and an abhorrent tweet of all my abhorrent tweets. Look beneath the video box, I am officially being Creeped now.
RAYMI
Status Update: “I look like I have a prosthetic 6 month preg stomach full of Chinese food and like 18 pops. hot. an alien is sucking up my nutrients.”
Employers: Raymitheminx.com, CEO
Relationship Status: N/A
Facebook Name: Raymi Lauren White
Facebook Friends: 2346
Twitter Followers: 3,206
Twitter Handle: @raymitheminx
NICE KNOWING YOU BEFORE MY LIFE WAS RUINED! Guys it’s been a time!
Back to my vodka SOUP.
