We made a podcast last night. I think it was pretty good for my first time. It will be available on itunes for download, I’ll let you know. The show is called In the minx. Cute right! I’m channeling my inner Chelsea Handler how I used to be on the internet before people started bashing me to smithereens. I divulge some insider stuff, shout out some of you guys, a varietal audio experience. Yep.

Before that, honey grapefruit chicken, homemade, very good.

The trick to a posterior like mine is winter. Sitting on it. Come spring we’ll be all taught again I ain’t worried and I find that the extra juicy I be rocking, dudes do not care. I just can’t fit in to my jeans anymore is all ahah so I’m all about black tights. I don’t care. I’ve cared for so long I think I am allowed a bit of a break. I see in some chat hateraymi threads people say they liked me better when I was fat anyway. Yeah right. You can’t please everyone on the internet, you never will. Give up. Please yourself. Those who stare at the world through a computer screen cant help themselves by being incensed all the time by menial things blogger’s say. They can’t just be delighted in the story they are being told.

Shoe meme.

It’s good to move, stay limber. Sometimes I can’t not twirl.

I got blisters walking across the city again today. Not in these. But my docs. The trick is to do your thing in the east end then walk to the west. I demolished a brownie and marched. I was almost hit by a car eek my bad, totally my fault, not used to the city anymore if you can believe it. My head was in the clouds and I was vibing to my music. It was embarrassing kind of (a lot) and I learned a lesson. Sometimes sidewalks end. I would have been smoked out just like that and no one would know. Put things in perspective.

My heart was racing the more distance I put between myself and the intersection I walked over to a bench and removed some of my boho chic slob layers and turned off my ipod for a bit as a means to chastise myself for that dumb move. I was probably listening to the black keys at the time and half-expected a cop to give me a ticket for being an idiot which I’d have gladly albeit sheepishly paid.

Adore this phone but can you tell me how to instagram filter pics without posting them? Can I use the program without blasting pics to it I just wanna edit them I love it hardcore now.

Interesting outfit choice to walk around in today mixed review. Different hood’s reactions to it changing respectively, naturally.

Tho this panda bear don’t really care. Have a great evening. RLW.

Roots.

@_@.

You had me at London Fog. Brain fogs. My favourite places. I frequented this coffee shop every morning when he’d go to work then sit and blog three times daily in our apt on Lakeshore. I had a lot of traffic, and still. It is addictive. Like being alone and thinking about shit you did when you weren’t. This corner was my muse. It was before we got that condo on St. George. You never did get to see the balcony, the location too easily known. I knew every lush in this town almost ten years ago. I have neat, charming stories.

The next chapter.

Dear blog awards folks. My arse in these pants got in to the New York Times (online). That was my fourth time being linked by the NYT in 2012.

Look how juicy my ass is now five months later. One guy or two would look for reasons to troll me and used to say I had a flat ass. Nice try. I’m not getting in to details but genetically-speaking my ass is never ever going to sag or not qualify for bubble butt or “porno ass” a term I bandy about/invented. Got lotsa vouchers for that little insider tidbit yo.

Adore. Be adored.

Caramel. Way in to sugar. One crutch for another. A lover. A drug.

I put that carrot back in.

Glamour galaxyyyyy.

Classic.

Surround yourself with those who are passionate about other people with passions. -rtm

So I’m up for a few awards again (no big deal) this year and it’s jury-based decided (thank god) so I don’t have to beg you knuckleheads for votes and then wind up getting voted against by the other half of you who hate me/can’t quit me. My 3 categories are Lifetime Achievement Award (no brainer there), Best Placeblog (contains local political/social/arts/community articles about a place) okay? lol I’ll take that award too fine and then Best General Interest Weblog for people whom I guess are just generally interested in my blog? Psyche! “for weblogs that cover a range of topics”. I’m stoked to be nominated and I hope I win one of these things, especially the lifetime one because I can’t quit blogging til I get a title like that. So I guess we just wait and see what happens and I gotta continue blogging in the interim to prove my consistent excellence in all things of general interest, lifetime achievement plus places, look there’s a place lets blog it!

Now why do I deserve awards? Specifically the lifetime achievement award? Oh, just a little thing called TWELVE YEARS of doing the shit is why. Now here are some photos of me being in love with myself from last week I have to go work out meow. Probably tan afterward then write my piece for playboy in time to go out with the ladies tonight who don’t know it yet but I’m probably bailing. Later on I might find some time to complain/brag about my life if you are lucky.

DM of the day, “Can I buy dirty panties off u for $20 each”.

Guys should I start posting newds again j/k. I was posting this above photo to just “be funny” and go hey what do you think about this??? All Sarah Silverman like you know. Forgive me as I am half blasted on scotch at the moment. Saw Jack Reacher. Ate pita pit. Bowled. Fish market oysters. Dranks. Fun Sunday! More pics of it tomorrow all proper blog like. I even convinced an apple owner (iphone) that galaxy was better when he saw my phone in action! That never happens to me. We won guys, we won yay!

But omg do I love scotch is your face supposed to be on fire like this cos I like it. It’s super beet red boy am I ever gonna sleep tonight. I’m at that Dysthymic state of being when your dreams are more interesting and involved than your waking life I’d call this my Beatles and the Maharishi phase. Quiet, reflective. Jesus I just googled Dysthymic — “a depressive mood disorder characterized by a chronic course and an insidious onset.” GREAT! Well I’ll be. (southern drawl). My mother keeps a facebook photo album entitled the winter of my discontent. I wonder which of us will walk in to the river first with that attitude.

Blaha. Loved this one. Hated my face. MS PAINT COMPROMISE THROW-DOWN SUCK IT!!!!!!!

Fuck it dude lets go bowling. That, we did. Alright it’s late and I gotta pretend to be asleep now.

Adorablah lemon.

Collective sigh of relief. Man was my other phone uber-annoying I could not work like that I don’t know how I ever did. I wanted to throw it in to the fucking sun on so many occasions. Anyway lets hope my new one doesn’t make me kill myself over data-over usage and that everything works out for the best no problem apparently I have mad credits on my account I’ve never applied to anything so with that I can work out a good plan. I have a question though how do I save my own instagram photos? Or email them when I make them? There’s still so much to learn about my phone, the guy was like this phone is better than the Iphone 5, by far and it’s cheaper. Okay then. So far so good. Too bad he was kind of a dick though, bad custy service grounds for a I am leaving Rogers for Bell flip-out/new phone manipulation.

That’s the one. It’s pretty big. I chose it in white. I really have nothing else to talk about other than boring nonsense as I’ve been sick all weekend long and did nothing. I am becoming progressively more and more stir crazy thanks to winter + sick + suburbs. I am casually starting to look for a place to rent downtown finally so lemme know if you know of anything. This is like my personal craigslist website what else do I need while I’m at it are we out of milk? Newp. Okay hi, happy Sunday.

Thank god my friend is coming to town today to eat drink putt movie whatever anything hang. Allow me to paint a partial picture of my charming little life now. It reminds me a little bit of my time spent living in Maine in the winter. When we go to the supermarket it’s like walking in to quicksand, everyone is slow, everything takes so long the cashiers are the slowest moving older chicks ever. I’d be employee of the year if I had a lane there swiping shit at lightning speed don’t worry this is not ever going to fucking happen but honestly how can you be so goddamn slow and not just you even, you, you, that lane over there, holy crap that one has the longest line ever. My dad, my brother and I will all choose separate lanes and shoot each other psycho telepathic eyes bugging out incredulously frustrated facial expressions like, I know, yes, yes, I know this is actually happening we’ve been standing here silently for 20 minutes now. It doesn’t help either that the supermarket is connected to the liquor store, my favourite store in all of Borington fuck it I should get a job there ahha. I only crave the social aspect and this is when I am reminded of Maine because this happened there too. As city folk operating at city pace you leave all that shit behind and go live on the coast with stupid people, sorry, simple people. Who live without irony or snarky jokes about fashion and you find yourself wanting to chat one up while you buy your groceries because you haven’t opened your mouth in hours to talk to anyone all day and the cashier just stares blankly at you like a zombie. Some people don’t have enough marbles rolling around upstairs for small talk, or they’re too shy to be chatty. It’s just not in them to talk to you like someone at Queen video would with way too much personality and out-funnying you I swear to god this one time at brunch with our waitress I was like you are going to have to stop having an answer for everything I fucking say I am trying to just get my order placed here please but I still mega-miss that shit and appreciate it I feel like I’ve had a lobotomy since being out here.

It is really super easy to pare down your life once you leave the bustling city but please keep inviting me to things to lure me back I mean it. At first you go through this bailing/I don’t wanna phase. It gets harder to go back or when you do you stay for a few days go on some dates maybe and see your pals party hardy rinse and repeat. It’s harder to organize though that has always been my problem.

Okay I have to shower now! Keep it real homies. Your pal Raymi.

I feel as if I don’t fucking exist right now! And no not in the existential identity-crisis sense it’s just because my phone has finally bit the dust. There’s a term (several I’d imagine) attributed to this new world phenomena of Dude where’s my phone? actually, which makes me smirk because I find phone-dependent people to be flakey hollow-headed twerps in need of constant gratification, attention and connection. It’s a hallmark of mental shit going on and insecurity if you can’t just stand there in a room, in the crowd and meet everyone in the eye but instead tweeting, instagramming and facebooking the night away like yo all of your friends are right here right now but I just have a business to run and calls to make, phone companies to scream at a package to get at. The keys to the city are in my voicemail which gets texted out phonetically to me that I can read but these texts come in to me in spanglish sometimes then a phone number which I never call until I hear the entire voicemail. I fucking HATE talking to people in the day, it’s a drag. If I could communicate by type for forever then I would. I don’t like breaking my creative bubble. Mindus interruptus is too distracting and I will go flit off to do something else, waste 3 hours on twitter, I dunno what the hell I actually do to kill time since Borington actually haha.

I realize that my life right now is totally not working. Commuting is exhausting. I used to come out here ironically for a week at a time every so often when I was living at Adventurehouse. All irony is lost now. It’s not that bad but it’s the boredom that kills you and leads to all other problems. In Toronto if I got this bored I’d go for a run (it’s winter, I don’t run in winter) or just go out and see someone, walk somewhere, get some errands done. My phone being broken is an added buzzkill and you know I have had some nice phone conversations while being out here, I use it more that’s why it’s ‘sploded to shit and my phone bills are higher because again more use now whereas in the city I dunno you just see people more often collectively and then you’re caught up.

I am getting a lot more writing done otherwise than I was before. But it is hard to be inspired by suburbia. But then not. The Pearl Jam thing I watched on tv last night was pretty awesome likewise the Annie Leibovitz on TVO.

I’m beginning to lose track of the days of the week (though we can also blame the month of Christmas for that). The writer/brand ambassador lifestyle outright encourages it. Here I am sitting in a tin can floating in outerspace. I am probably maybe a little bit Jack Nicholson in the Shining style right now but I’m not perturbed about it because I saw Eddie Vedder go crazy on multi-stages and everybody dancing right along with him and that is how a writer should write just write.

You know what it is I’ve let all my normal comforts craves and necessities just fall away. My camera, busted. It is ingrained in me to document so I relied on my awful phone until it too finally could no longer deliver and my phone, my tweet ADD best friend til the end if I can’t document in photos I can in thoughts but now I can’t do that when I’m lying on the couch watching tv. Guys I have hyper-active crazy genius person thoughts that I have to get out, creative compulsions or I just die of boredom. I also can’t instagram party with anyone. I am excluded. I don’t exist. This is the actual case. In my field you have to multi-platform-surf. I barely blog too didja notice that too so, surf? I’m at the beach bro waving to you from shore.

Blogging is a dying art. I am one of the last of the greats and I am barely keeping the dream alive. Kay no, I am keeping the dream alive if that dream is watch me say kinda funny shit all day long every day for as long as I can until maybe someone hires me to write for them some more then yes, AH ah ah ah stayin alive, stayin’ alive.

Long story short I am finally going to get an iphone because it will be two birds one stoner phone/camera sorted out. What the hell do I even spend my money on anyway (restaurants/booze) what a waste I don’t even buy clothes and I just piss it away so anyway yeah time to get my ass in gear this year and by my 30th birthday I expect to be a tanned svelte skeleton beacon of health and beauty.

My hair needs a treatment too while I’m at it with all the things pissing me off presently.

Oh and I am totally sick again so blog delirium post excuse deux. My mom had this cold too already she said she thought she was hungover but nope, it’s a cold. I said the same exact thing too lol. But boo sick wahh. TGIF.

Love ya Shannon!

++++

Happy New year once again to all. 2013 is a fine-looking number. What will my first article for PBE be about hmm.

Yeah that’s all I got ’til tomorrow. Had a wicked night.