Author Archives: raymi

You are being minxed.

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Hi everyone who is not me, happy Monday. Better make it snappy cos it’s hot out and it might not last plus it’s almost lunch. I’m still not 100% and I think this thing has traveled in to my lungs now, phlegmtastical. Update: went for a nice walk and now I am back.

Stay tuned for this cray day! Each day is a fantastical mystery adventure. So much to do.

We were curious about this tent for a few days before Queen’s Day then were like oh right, duhh.

Football club.

You think at the top it says drop?

This is vodka.

Cuuute. Sister said my blog is inspired, wants to paint me. Can’t take it back now! Actually we should have a paint jam.

Super goofy ahha.

Handicap friendly. I heard another conspiracy theory from the father! There’s an empty unit in this building from when they housed prisoners off-site, you can’t reach it from the elevator. Love it. Scarylicious. They’re gone now.

Lets go for a drink. Or a ton.

Boobs O_O. They had an it’s your fault not our fault look away disclaimer. Very cheeky country.

Night club hot. If asked to classify one of my kinds of hot, NIGHTCLUB HOT is one of my hots. I also represent a strong BEER GOGGLES HOT front as well as OLD MAN HOT. Have you got an hour? It’s funny or cosmic that I come up with these dumb sayings, raymisms, then bf’s sis and I got to gossiping or, “bonding” and she was going through pictures from this night and making fun of herself and I’m like yeah sames I’m nightclub hot. Then we laughed for five minutes ahah omg I can’t stop thinking about the sour face of that woman who gave me stink eye for a full fucking hour straight! The more drunk I became the more I mouthed off about it until finally I gave her the longest eye contact mean girl smile back and we stared at each other for five minutes, she must have been Latvian I dunno (hi Anja!!) but she def came from the cougar bar from across the way. There’s a name for it they all make fun of but it’s kind of a compliment when someone makes you their enemy all night long meanwhile everyone else is blowing and hugging you. I got nicknamed Moose (Canadian) and had to explain why that particular Canadian mammal was not a complimentary thing to call a woman and now it looks even worse when typed haha.

I actually liked this place a lot. It’s a restaurant earlier in the day, evening. You can watch the boomers lining up across the path and they ALL eventually turn up at the dance club you’re at, endless action and entertainment. Good DJ too. I was dressed like a mom, no one cared. Next time I will dress less homely. We went for a drive, then we went to the city, then were like lets call sister she’s like ughh more notice please next time ok I’m getting ready now lol then we walked into the square and bob’s your uncle disco time. My outfit and have a good time audacity with 25 years jr get-up is precisely why I got stink eye all night long. She didn’t find Mr. Right at the cougar bar so she went across the street to scowl at everything. I danced even more ridiculous, my bf was dipping me it was the best funnest time ever. I wanted to pinch myself.

BF knows the dj.

This is what you call a better pour on the personality outfit cos you ain’t got shit. Guys I love a challenge. Pretty and plain girls are a threat oh no she didn’t just apply chapstick!

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It’s Craymi time.

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Holla Holland.

Here’s the rest of the shit I uploaded days ago. I’ve been sick. Afflicted by some exotic dutch flu. Feels like dying. Didn’t drink for days and my Kerouac complex was going overdrive why are all my organs feeling as if punched out, whatever. Finally on the mend today but still pretty weak. They don’t have cold meds here, like nyquil day time jacked with speed pills. I know right. Going in to every conversation speaking english is spiked with anxiety because you know they are not going to comprehend what you said but are going to act like they did and you have a staring contest Mexican stand off. Then I just keep talking and pretend I know they know what I mean, I Kim Kardashian it and it works.

Classic. Maybe I got sick this day?

Getting a prosecco addiction here. Bottles are like 3 euro. It’s in every restaurant. Very light.

The sun finally came out. This was after the flower center, there’s so much to see in Holland and tiny little historical towns everywhere. I don’t name places or things cos I like to be preparanoid.

There are a lot of geezers in Holland, not many young people he said. People stopped having kids and the boomer generation is hanging on tight, we are the youngest people almost everywhere. Mom there’s a cougar bar for you and Lois in this one town you’d love.

Monkey see monkey do, he wanted an irish coffee. There was a spanish coffee, an italian coffee. Every alcoholic country got represented on that menu.

You would look better.

If you were wearing a hat. This country is mad for its sweets. Good thing my sugar tooth has vanished.

Top of the church looks like that.

Nice drapes!

I look like Howard Hughes. I had 5 blankets stacked and wrapped around my legs.

I stopped smoking mom. It was disgusting while it lasted.

This picture is TMI! Looks kinda ballin?

Jesus, chillax.

I have a picture of the plaque/the artist if anyone wants to know/cares.

Excuse me are you art?

Time to get bread. Bread Pitt.

I brought 6 pairs of black pants, sorry you have to keep staring at them. It’s shorts weather tomorrow. Right now I’m wearing a maxi dress.

I also don’t care. Minimal slob has always been my thing. I just wear all his hoodies. He’s like you look like me. People are drawn to things that look similar to them. Ha narcissists.

Fabulous bread.

You mean they were watching the whole time!?

Now I just need to take a picture of some tulips and clogs.

Today is a holiday. Holiday Sunday. Liberation day. Thursday is another holiday. Everyone goes bike riding that day, I get mine Wednesday. May is the month of holidays here he said there are no other holidays after this month ahha.

Flower for his mom then of course we had to pick out the best pot for it, so many choices.

Scene change. I woke up sick this morning, on the cusp of it. I think?

LOVE IT.

Okay now I get what’s going on here in this park – there’s gonna be weird at every juncture.

Right again!

Sweet. Pass the E.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh what is this Notting Hill?

I bet it looks ridonkulous today. We’re going out a little later after lunch.

I feel like I need equestrian boots here.

I should make this my FB profile photo, the club one is too dark. I still have to post that night before it gets lost in the Holland vortex.

Tons of fish, if we go today bringing bread or crackers.

These guys were pretty gangster. Didn’t give two S’s about us. Seen.

Ugh now what. I was on my period Lol. We went in to the park bickering about something then attempted to speed walk away from each other. It was funny. Lover’s quarrels at this point are cute. We are both Aries.

Someone googled is raymi pregnant? Yes I love to booze and drink while pregnant I mean, I’m in Europe after all.

That’s the orig, I am too pale. My hair is crap because I didn’t wash it. I’m giving myself a haircut later. I am keeping it as bohemianly real as is possible. Authentic experience. Oh my god wait til I blog about the schnitzel place in Germany last night, talk about authentic experience the guy is like okay I lit the pot to start our dinner an hour after we arrive hey guy I was hungry an hour ago when I first got here nah no take your time. If that happened in Toronto, hmm, well I think someone would have the sense to know to shut up about it but a regular person would walk straight out. I also enjoyed how he gave his hand out to me like a big fat sultan.

Yay they found their friend.

Holy! oh this reminds me I watched The Playboys on telly during the height of my fever but I didn’t finish it how does it end? Ah crap the cover of the dvd just gave it away.

Hello in there?

This reminds me of that Spice Girls video. Oh, what the hell?

I was team Scary Spice OBVS.

The new Queen is a QILF. Hat tip Jamie.

Aruba interval. This was a fun day.

And this was the last day, a mistake moment in time because I should have switched my flight to Caraco with him. It was fucking hell. Whatever that is then this is now.

How tired does this make you feel? Try watching it ALL DAY LONG.

The Netherlands flag is kinda France-like, except horizontal direction.

Hey I’m cool I’m hip I’m relevant! Bahaha. It kills me not to be able to dance like a mental case anymore. Now I just dance like an idiot. :(

DYING.

Close-up.

It was a pretty surrealistic day.

Here is a picture of me being nice to some girls.

Maybe this guy got me sick. Not that we made out or anything but I’m pretty sure he drunk spat in my mouth a lot. Ew hahahaha.

When we were going through these I was like oh man there’s something on my shirt, looked down, and it’s still f-ing there ahaha loser.

We exploded my head lei in the air in front of a table of guys, spontaneous Shakespearean art happening, they applauded. Sister bowed and curtseyed. Okay plenty of drunk magnificent moments it’s time to go. PS. Look I found a Shakespearean Insulter! Thou errant half-faced pumpion! Thou call’st thyself a hotter name than any is in hell. Thou art the rudeliest welcome to this world. Sick burns bro.

Your time will come too Klimt.

Sigh.

Whatever.

Good bye dead ends. Maybe I’ll do a Selma Blair thing, a long bob. No. Crazy girls cut their hair short.

On the other hand I was very conceited about my eyebrows yesterday, I gave them a shaping. Alright that’s all for now. I have some house wifery stuff to do.

shut up peacock

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Gahahha.

Euros sure do love their raves, they invented them! I’m going to a festival soon probs. Psyched! Bucket list.

It’s saddening I can’t dance how I want to or am capable of how I used to dance. Lots of improvising. Have my last foot appt today. Bumped into doctor on Queen’s day he was wearing an orange sweater.

I dance with this lovely old fart for a bit, he was super wasted. There was an old guy dancing also super wasted on the other side of the square too, quite possibly on e and from the art school bf’s sis said aka INCREDIBLE. This one however, told me I was the most beautiful woman there and my bf could be proud because of that. People wish us well all over the place, they tilt their heads like the bird lady from Home Alone 2. Baha.

Uploading more videos now kay bye, hi and goodnight, good morning everyone else.

We didn’t want to pay for tickets for that rave and partying in this square was just as fine plus free, an experience to be had and I am glad we went.

Yesterday morning’s walk.

Holland tunnel vision

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Bday flower gift for mum shopping. Ready, set, go. Yee-haw. Queen’s Day is “Like some sort of colorblind St. Patrick’s Day. ” According to ol Jame-bo. He’s right. Was in Amsterdam for it one year.

To find the most perfect flower gift we had to comb through the seven layers of Christmas-not-Christmas garden heaven. I love this country because it was decorated by a five year old on LSD. I uploaded lots of photos so I hope you have your attention span pants on. I sure as hell don’t.

Smoke up baby! I requested that this be fun this time. You should see us grocery shop. Put two people together who have zero patience, it’s funny and like putting dynamite on a dynamite tree.

Xmas here must be ridonkulous.

I knew it was gonna be weird but my expectations were blown out of the water, happily.

Oh hi there.

This camera is amazing. He’s getting another one. He has a technology problem/very good at justifying it. There is one of everything in this house.

Great low maintenance seasonal flowers. Love hibiscus.

Colour is eyeball prozac.

They tried to make me believe that guy (no idea how to spell his name) with the chihuahuas was super spiritual cos he has one of these heads in his living room. My response: silent eye-blinking. This teleported foreigner cannot gauge bullshit, doesn’t have the energy plus I cannot at all picture that guy meditating like at all I don’t know if that’s insulting but it’s funny and that’s good enough for me. BTW culturally they have variations on sayings we have back home.

Witch brooms, not actually witch brooms. For little Dutch potatoes and their teeny farm cottages KaBOOM! ADORABLE.

Okay here is another one. If someone’s talking shit or nonsense they say IS THERE A CAMEL SHITTING IN THE HALLWAY? ahahhahahhaha!!!!!! Like a guy who is always bragging or one-upping, or if my bf is (constantly) talking lots of crap, not really crap but just blabbity blahhing my head off. It’s pure jokes. His dad told me Warhol was sponsored by the CIA and bf’s like omg not that one again. AAHahaha.

There are only so many things I can say about flowers in these captions jeez. Don’t worry I uploaded some of the town we went to afterward.

I feel like jamming these in my eyes though I don’t know about you. Rubbing them on my eyelids and purring like Bambi wtf is wrong with me right now.

This is what dyed carnations try to look like ahhh burn! (Ashton Kutcher voice)

While blogging I multi-task.

What kind of salad dressing should I make tonight? Not adding any more spice to anything my lips are so dry from our morning walk in the park sun + soup lip burn accident.

Diff shade of pink! Swoon.

Closed hundreds of them. Scary exhilarating.

Have video too.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

My nails are now a disaster. Doing them before cooking is pointless.

That deer moved. They have moving animals at the supermarket that make you feel like you are mega drunk still from last night when you’re looking at meats. A panda, a cheetah, slowly move back and forth it is the most confusing thing ever.

This little guy looks like he has a sneaky little secret. I am watching you!

Can’t beat em join em kinda thang. I am waving to my friends.

Who seem to be handling that suicide pretty good.

I feel like some kooky kids tv show has this tree in it, or like several of them and that’s the part when toddlers at home start crying.

No problems there.

Want.

Who even writes on paper anymore? I love paper.

And girly stuff.

And I really need these!

And that kitten brush too lets get out of here.

I love the smell of this. It makes me think someone’s eating cookies. That’s also because someone usually is. I don’t know where he puts all the crap that he eats it is unbelievable.

Guys, it’s about time I told you that this is my house.

You’re going on the internet and there’s just nothing you can do about it.

Going to have lunch here on a sunny day.

That’s right it’s Shetland horses time.

What?

Now you what?

What?

I like your hair.

You mad bro?

Okay more hi-jinx later I got tings ta do. Love Raymes.

The Holland tunnel is in NYC BTW.

Rayminvasion

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Hi “friends”.

Super proud of my chicken leg marination turn out. Now I’ve got yellow curry basil coconut cream lime pepper breasts marinating. Booyakasha. Kitchen gangster. Ooh speaking of did you see the thing on Yakuza on National Geographic last night? Kinda want shoulder chest tattooos now.

Mr. Jacobs designer pop.

I really don’t smoke that much I just like the manipulative artsiness and photo opp novelty. When you date a smoker as a non-smoker it turns in to monkey see monkey do. Not in Canada though I hate Canadian smoke, in Europe it’s far more Serge Gainsbourg fabulous in fact bf kinda looks like him too. Hot. I still make lots of bitchy remarks about smoke smell though, airing out the house, opening windows and such.

One of my rotating house outfits. Housefits. This is from Friday I think? I’m 5’8 1/2 if anybody wants to know, people ask sometimes. At my physical the nurse measured me as 6’2 she was not the best at cm conversion. I said that’s very nice of you but there is no way I’m six two then she’s like okay you’re 5’6 and I was like NO WAY LADY never mind and don’t even bother telling me how much I weigh either ahha.

I have discovered the miracle of crap attackz and it is smoothies. First drink a glass of water, then have a n’espresso, then have a smoothie which is heavier and pushes the water, espresso and last night’s dinner out your bum before you’re done your smoothie! I’m becoming OCD about this routine. Water coffee smoothie. Then around noon we have lunch or whenever hunger strikes. Normally I starve myself all day long and have a bodum of coffee and no water.

The teeny stairs I climb up and down multi-times daily, easier for someone sans foot injury. I do a 360 degree rotation and walk sideways like a crab. Foot is getting better the doctor said we just came back from fisio. Hurts like hell when he presses on the ligament and manipulates it then he rubs it for 5 minutes with the ultrasound thing. Then he asks questions about us/me and wtf it is I’m doing here haha. He’s like what did you do this weekend and I’m like I have no idea actually. I can’t tell if people think I’m funny or totally insane and I also do not care. Being an adult rules.

ps. my nails are almost at Rihanna length now. pps.. why do people think Beyonce is queen cos she ain’ts! Riri’s music is on every station and she kills it just saying.

BOY ARE YOU IN FOR A TREAT.

Yes Shannon it’s a stocking peel ahahhaha. #burlesque (miss you).

For today’s session I didn’t do anything sexy at all well maybe I did I just can’t help it I is so sexy. Haha.

I hope he likes me so much he throws the bill away. Maybe if I shave my leg next time ughh so embarrassing to have teeny black hairs sprouting out of your ankle in front of two dudes right?

Curvy little monkey now.

Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll do some sit-ups sometime zzzz.

Aghhhhhh.

Met the sister, she’s awesome and an incredible painter/artist. We have the same hair colour and she is a shit disturber like me/us. Perfect. Insta-family.

Plus she says I’m pretty all the time and that I have nice teeth. Gave her my blog url I better not regret it! She said she’ll comment and say that everything I say is a lie hehehhe.

What the hell is he looking at?

Oh.

I bet these look great at night.

SO CUTE. There’s more hanging off the building but you get the point come to Holland to see for yourself.

Cigarettes make me a cheaper drunk. Also he said that diet coke and vodka makes booze stronger, any diet drink does I’ll have to look in to that.

So bad. So good. Had a salad too which was boringsville in comparison. This is where a girl (they knew) asked me where I was from on account of my accent and my ego exploded when she said cool. CANADA <3.

My right hook punch scab is slowly healing hope I don’t have a scar left over I need vitamin e cream omg I love that stuff. I punched the visor in the car because the week of planning to come here was stressful to the max and full of doctor appointment mayhem with mom. Hi mom love you miss you xoxoxo.

Queen’s night is tomorrow. We’re going to a rave or something. The crown pass over happens early in the morning I will probably be asleep and it happens in Amsterdam.

Super bummed someone took my boots from The Sheraton and I hate myself for how long it took me to notice. Not that I can wear heels right now anyhow. Wore my Toms to a night club on Saturday, didn’t know we would end up there. Spontaneous slob outfits in fancy settings gets you a lot of attention cos your I don’t care factor is off the charts on top of just standing out as a Canadian period but people in clubs are out on the prowl anyhow so who knows really. One cougar in particular got under my skin I’ll tell you about it later cos you love that shit. I hope when I’m older I don’t scowl at younger prettier girls. In fact I know I won’t.

These guys whistled something in Dutch I don’t know what.

Then I met my two new best friends Whiskey and Peggy, mom and son chihuahuas.

They are so cuddly and affectionate too. What’s the point of having a prick for a pet?

This guy’s place is very nicely done I asked if a chick did it, nope. Girls he’s single.

Smirnoff ice here is 4% so they can sell it in supermarkets. They say it’s like lemonade, for kids AHAhah like seriously what’s the point I’d have to drink a billion to cop a buzz.

Girls are not as good as guys at the lighter bottle cap thing. This took us awhile.

So annoying.

Finally minxed Whiskey over my way.

I want one! It’s not that I’m not a dog person I’m just irresponsible. No. I just move around a lot and that’s not fair to little dog people. One day I’ll have my own we’ll see.

Floor score!

Brand new shirt in a bag on street we kicked across square. Was €10. Raymi 1, #Holland 0.

Foot doctor’s office #art. May as well blog the rest of my instagrams. Follow me on there too I want to have lots of followers! NOW!

In the backyard. Way cuter than the mass-produced ones at Canadian Tire or Garden Centers.

Photo bomb. We kind of look related right? This is in Germany.

For schnitzel my nitzel. #germany #rheine #foodie not #foodporn but we inhaled in seconds nonetheless.

In the downstairs bathroom. Oh those quirky Dutch. I love it.

See my headband?

Housewife #foodie #porn egg a la Raymi. #brunch.

I’ve been to #Mars. #Aruba. Okay bye for now off to buy flowers.

all biz for my plej

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I went to dinner my last night in Canada last week at Bar Isabel and had an amazing time. You gotta be somebody to get a reservation there (otherwise sit at the bar) cos the place is so hot right now, good luck to you (call for a table). Luckily “I am a somebody” and colleague rocks the foodie scene too so we got a table no problemo. Recognized scores of other foodie peeps, chefs, elites, Toronto’s who’s who of who. I tried not to stare holes in to the side of one of Top Chef Canada’s head, colleague did that for me while I sucked on octopus tentacle.

Grant van Gameren is Bar Isabel‘s chef. He’s part of this year’s #FOC13 (Festival of Chefs) and will be at Cheese Boutique May 12 so if you’re “not somebody” or are a day person go sample his delicious makings at CB on MAY 12. I love when Cheese Boutique does Fest of Chefs because you have the opportunity for a more intimate encounter with your favourite chef(s) there. It’s hard to gab with ‘em during dinner service (impossible more like) and they’re typically shy, bashful, humble or bitchy so you don’t even bother saying hey no matter how full of yourself you are. We didn’t disturb Grant cos I had a case of the shy’s but now colleague is all why didn’t we? #FOC13 is in its 10th year so you need to check it out before a potential revamping read between the lines. I say no more.

All you little rascals out there are gonna love the lighting in Isabel. The dark atmosphere is great for people watching and the people to watch are well worth it. I most enjoyed watching other people at the bar watch the diners at tables, comprised of chefs with their own restaurant empires and other misc. industry persons.

I love new restaurants when the service is top tier, when they layer on the courtesy and friendliness. I’m just so addicted to nice. It makes you feel like you are all in this together.

Nice hang-out nook in the front and in the back too.

Always something to see out there from within 797 College.

Teeny tables leave more room for more people, smart.

I bumped in to Nick at the bar the second I stepped inside. He about fell off his chair at the sight of me like a freshly Aruba tanned ghost I was, boo. Hadn’t priorly spent much time in TSnot or seen him since winter so it was nice to run in to him. Damn I miss that tan and is this hug extreme enough or what haha.

Alright down to business, what is mommy going to drink? A woman scorned OBVIOUSLY.

…A Woman Scorned

Devil’s cut bourbon, amaro averna, campari, cinnamon/clove tincture, deathwish syrup, snake oil bitters.

Pretty gangster and who doesn’t love a huge ice block just for you. Nothing like bourbon to um, do things to your everythings lol and if you like to get gassed you’ll love the entire cocktail menu.

Round one. Chicken Wing Escabeche (SO GOOD) and an order of Grilled Green Onion & Romesco Sauce – super delicious. The wings are juicy and plump. I’m a wingaholic.

I enjoyed the fact that my shirt looked like my napkin. It’s the little things.

Party in the back. Not an empty seat in the place.

Spying I mean, life inspecting.

Oh my god this mixed meat plate was so good I can’t stop thinking about it all the way in Holland, seriously. Melt on your tongue meat sliced so thin, my absolute favourite.

**special treatment time** :) Grant sent over Sobrassada and Honey Crostini it was delectable, sweet, a bit spicy, perfect.

Of course I wanted to try the octopus, so I did and wasn’t disappointed I only wish we also ordered the horse because I’ve never tried it before. If you have it tell me how it is please thank you.

We got the Octopus, Chorizo & Stewed Peppers instead of the WHOLE Grilled Octopus & Potatoes because a whole octopus seemed insane and too much, I like to have a variety when I eat out when possible. I also love chorizo, it’s so versatile you can do so much with it and put it with anything so there you go bro.

Salted Chocolate for dessert. Wow just wow. Salt with sweet is ridonkulous and after a meal like that, the perfect ending along with a glass of red. I was good and nursed my cocktail throughout dinner.

There she is again by candlelight. I always make sure to get everything with flash and without and I seriously do not give a shhh about who I offend with the flash I think restaurant snobs and bad attitudes need to can it.

Be sure to follow @BarIsabel797 on twitter ah duhhhhhh. ps. I spy Shinan with a Top Chef.

Someone’s stealing heaven

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Went to Rheine yesterday – Rheine is a town in the district of Steinfurt in Westphalia, Germany. It is the largest town in the district and the location of Rheine Air Base. And that is the extent of my wikipedia knowledge for now.

Bike lock ghosts.

He’s got blue eyes. Would not stand beneath this sign.

Looking forward to clothes shopping. You can’t wear animal prints here cos they think that shit is stupid. WATCH ME. Ha. I forgot that some euros are fashion advanced so what looks cheesy to me here now in a year and a half everyone in North America will be doing. If I gave a fuck about fashion I’d write about it in length. Actually I do care about fashion but only my own everyone else can suck it.

This long streety street reminded me of Quebec City. Once you get to the top/end it turns in to open space, fountains, tables encircling the square, there’s a few squares, more like oblong blobs of cobblestone space and a few churches that on the hour sound off but are not synchronized and I suggested a techno beat with some dancing goths.

So love flower prints.

I could not find the perfume I wanted and I sprayed so much on it was hard to get to the bottom of so just went with some RL for Raymi Lauren. My teenage fail safe.

And Nail polish I can’t stop staring at the bottle of I can’t wait to paint my long minx talons.

The doctor said I have to wear better supported shoes and these are the only ones. Kinda gino euro anyway so they work/don’t care. I need fancier shoes. I NEED EVERYTHING.

Another warm day, very summer-like.

Ah duh H&M is German swedish I totally knew that lol. Didn’t go in because you do not come out empty handed.

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