i always say, “hello men” to the rummies up the street but i think i’m going to stop doing that. rob got stalked by a crazy this evening, someone he interviewed waited for him wearing no shoes or shirt, stuck their foot in his door and attacked him. rob was robbed not even a month ago? he punched his lights out, the attacker not the robber. the robbing happened when we were out getting pissed, naturally. anyway i was like call the cops why are you calling me for?? he’s like oh i guess i should call the cops? what do you mean SHOULD? do it! he said he’s now worried about being a c list celebrity. i was like get this i overheard a table of girls and a guy talking about me and my blog, mad shit, right beside me and they didn’t know i was sitting beside them (HI!) and they all turned scarlet when i left and gave them a little look. it was like that scene in notting hill when julia roberts who plays a famous hollywood star overhears a table of dicks all trashing her. unreal. i got a weird buzz off it like fantasizing about catching your lover in the act with another rush, ooh what do i do? whose lights should i knock out first? i thought about chiming in something snarky. i figured they were going to see me anyway. there was a piano between our tables blocking me a little. i’d slag what they looked like but i guess reading about it all here is justice enough? i didn’t recognize any of them so all useless opinions are based on dog shit they’ve gleaned off my blog.
moving on now.
i sang all the way down shaw on my bike home tonite, fleet foxes. i have to in order to stay awake and alert. i turn on this street or that, some make me smile, others make me frown. i like the streets that are most lit up cos i can see better. i need to get a light and a reflector. my dad’s all THEY’RE ONLY FIVE BUCKS, JESUS! dad my time to go and get one is worth more than five bucks.
my hits were through the roof today. why do you think that is? beast stuff? that email from that girl? my cleanse diet bullshit comment thread? everything? what kind of posts do you like best? i considered another postsecret but that bummed me out today, not feeling it and i can’t do monthly archive round-ups cos it hasn’t been a year since i became unengaged yet so looking through those archives is a bit of a let down. half them are missing photos cos he deleted all the ones of me from his flickr and he always demanded i hyper-link to his account. they’re not deleted forever but who knows what of me i decided i wanted at the time. i don’t think i have the time or attention span to do that kind of post anymore anyway. unless i went back more than five years ago. snorrrrre.
i guess i should just start viewing dudes as jobs. so even though the thing with the dude might be sort of kind of over (who fucking knows anymore) the job isn’t done yet as in the material, the content, meat of the job, and the show must go on as they say so in other news, i do not fucking care anymore. i have to get out of my head about it, less cerebral more ballzy. only a few cool people will get that reference but anyway here is my stupid fucking life. i don’t know why i hoard all these man pictures. i don’t photograph every person that comes into my life, significant or not. lately i have learned in many hard ways that everything i put on here, big or small, IS significant. sometimes you cannot even make a joke. it’s not worth making assholes laugh because it only gives you a headache. i keep forgetting this. but oh how i love to laugh.
i just told a guy on plenty of fish that we couldn’t go to a specific bar because i had banged one of the bartenders and one of the regulars (months ago)(pretty sure if the one found out about the other…) that is my dating approach now. the more of a challenge you present yourself as, the more they want you. i also am purposely game ruining because i’m not taking it seriously. i get a sense from just looking at a photo that something will piss me off about this person and i get pre-emptively angry at them so i paint myself in a disgusting light and they’re like can i have some more please? and you’re like sure here take it and they still want you. guys if a girl does this it means she isn’t feeling it, or she’s in love with someone else. i told date last nite before i met up with him that i was sort of seeing someone and after whining for five minutes what does he do? cancels on the other girl who IS eligible, to meet me. women are attracted to assholes. so are men. though a woman’s asshole is considered crazy whereas a guy’s asshole is just asshole. women get the crazy stigma like crazy. unjust. maybe it’s because dudes really are attracted to crazy. they’re all fixers. savers. controllers. another thing, there’s crazy and then there’s unstable. know how to spot the difference.
i amended my profile and added all the shitty things i said in my blog post and now i’m being assaulted with messages all over again. same stupid pictures though.
i told beast i should make this my new profile photo and caption it: ONE TROPHY GIRLFRIEND INSERT YOUR PHOTO HERE and have a shadow cut out of a man on the stoop beside me. i think it would work. trophy girlfriend singles dating site advertisement chock full of nothing but useless boring blonds with designer purses who do nothing but shop and bitch about dinner.
i am only blogging this because i look oh so adorable. cropping him out ugh like i have the attention span or time for that also remember how i said up there i don’t care anymore.
what is this three’s company much? all i need is a tit job. speaking of i’m supposed to be pamela andersen in our upcoming harlettes show JULY 4th at revival.
rose said every day she got through the master cleanse she would treat herself to something. upon hearing treat i was like WHAT A COOKIE OMG IM STARVING. so i bought two pairs of shoes yesterday then cheated anyway NICE.
kitchen people laughing at my suffering. offering off the menu food like crazy. this is red beans and condensed milk on ice. ICE! so smart. norman better make me this next week.
i wrote that saturday and this gastank family loved it and me so much. i love when all my little autistic quips are appreciated, mostly cos they’re unexpected then people are like YOU INVENTED PERSONALITIES HERE’S A HUUUGE TIP. the answer is 5 or 6 drinks. i need to google another bar riddle. those pin-up girls are from my personal collection. i was going to make a collage out of them once when i thought i had enough hours in my day.
my cousin showed up. she’s in a bit of a (stress-induced) mania at the moment. it’s taboo to talk about but i don’t care. i feel for her. i’ve been there. you have to steer the conversation and when they constantly apologize over being hyper and feeling immense and endless guilt you really have to let them know it isn’t a big deal at all. don’t let them have any caffeine either and force them to sleep. she’s lost 100lbs!
i told her i couldn’t babysit her stuff so don’t leave anything of value on the patio. she wrote me a note. manic people write lots of notes because they often forget the one thing they wanted to tell you because it gets lost in the ten other things they’re distracted by. i was very touched to see her yesterday and also angry at everyone else, i felt very protective, also pissed off by some family members. i don’t care if i’m inviting yet more drama into my life with writing this here. i feel strongly about this shit as i have suffered from what she’s going through now. basically just try to bring it you guys haha good luck.
we have a new menu and it’s 35% off before 5 every day. i haven’t been able to have any of it though. well i tried the vegetarian poutine last week and it’s amazing. these vegetarians died of happiness yesterday. it’s mushroom and a whole bunch of other stuff that i forget-based.
finally saw corey (and krista) yesterday (and peter little have fun in germany!) they’ve been central lushes for awhile now and we’ve never crossed paths. these guys are giants i am on my tip toes.
i don’t think i can get over how dumb i look with pigtails what am i a cabbage patch kid? it was hot my hair was messed from sleeping with them in the nite prior and i kind of dress like an idiot at work now it’s like my personal uniform.
alright time for some REAL work now, my seafood for thoughts. hyuck.
i keep getting boredom stings and think ok i’ll just go out to eat but then i remember i can’t! this happens every 4 minutes so every 4 minutes i get really bummed.
oh my god fuck this cleanse and fuck you. i am basically in a fight with everyone now because i opened my stupid mouth about it. i put it on hold three times now i should have just waited like a smart person until after the weekend. however i’ve successfully gone through a couple entire days without cheating (aside from coffee which i don’t count BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO) so i have felt the effects of frustration and rage and sadness and boredom and i kind of get off on it maybe a little? serving food on an empty stomach makes you feel like a little asshole elitist prick. fun! try it!
i’ve experienced the worst of people too. people who pay you no mind for weeks on end then all of a sudden they all come out to beak at you and think that you’re talking specifically to them on your blog? holy christ leave me alone. i have no time for this.
i blew it last nite because i wanted to go on a date and eat cheese and drink wine. i got my period (hurray) and knowing that that leans me out enough as is the cleanse can wait. why did i go on a date? well, my romantic/relationship life is a fucking joke mess at the moment. it is up and it is down and then up again then down again and because i have this blog and somewhat allude to things, people make up their own minds and fill in the gaps about it. it’s trying. say it’s down again i’m online playing catch up and a few friends will start to chat me up on gchat to get the rest of the gossip fill on my dating life, by the time they come around to ask questions i’m already in the downward spiral part again, cos there’s a blog lag in time. it’s depressing and infuriating. like i know you’re only talking to me right now because some girl you know thinks she knows the guy i’m seeing so what is the point of asking me about it now? nosy. everyone is fucking nosy.
it has added a lot of pressure to it too and in a way fucked it all up. fucked something that was fucked from the start anyway. so thank you toronto.
here’s the shit i am allowed to do in this city/on the internet without anyone getting involved or having something to say about it: N O T H I N G.
here’s how many people i can date without a hundred pr chicks losing their minds: NO ONE.
i think i have to give this whole “online persona” thing another thought because lately too many times i’ve been getting wow you are AMAZING in real life i cannot believe you aren’t raymi the minxing all over the place. jovial. damn fucking straight i am jovial. i am kind and i am sweet and disarming and charming and i am better than you. the ones who talk the most shit about me being crazy are balls to the wall lunatics which is most hilarious of all. yeah i come across scattered but i live my life pretty regimented, wild when the wild is necessary, controlled when i have to be stuffy raymi. ok check out this email. one of hundreds that came pouring in when i had the audacity to say i was going to drink cayenne lemonade for a week.
Hi Lauren
I was recently introduced to your blog through a mutual friend. The city has a weird way of making everyone mutual one way or another eh? Anyway… I’m not usually someone who writes emails to people I don’t know, but your latest post made me want to say something. And I figured I’d rather send you an email which you probably won’t read instead of commenting and having people comment on what I say – people are ridiculous. But on the off chance you read it, that maybe you’d appreciate someone who’s been there…
You have the kind of courage and “jump-first-think-later” attitude that many people only dream of having. Your unapologeticness (that’s a word, I just made it one!!) is so refreshing because so many people tip-toe around everyone else and so much drama is caused because of that. You seem to have a great head on your shoulders and you steer clear of the crazy which is so refreshing in a Toronto blog (there are soooooo many fake back-stabbers). Women in Toronto get crazy because of the men they know – it’s insane that we’d rather rip each other apart because of a good lay than realize it’s the guy that’s a doucher and not the other girls… but anyway – off topic!
The diet is your choice and for that reason I know you’ll succeed. You’re super right when you say that the world is cruel to fat women, but I think the world is even crueler to women who have been skinny and are now a little “bigger” – people notice when you go from 120lbs to 140lbs so much more than someone going from 200-220lbs. You have to do what’s right for you and fuck everyone else. The haters just want a reason to hate and be mean-spirited.
Know that there are people out there in the world that understand and appreciate what you’re doing. I think we could be fantastic friends if we didn’t know the mutual people that I know we know. I steer clear of the drama as much as possible, and I know there are people who would hate if we got to know each other. So I will continue to cheer you on from afar. And maybe one day I’ll get the courage to say “Fuck who we know, we’re going to be great friends” – but until that day… just know that I know exactly what you’re going through. Use the blog as an outlet for yourself – fuck the haters and keep doing what you do because it works for you – no one else.
Thanks for taking the time to read this,
*****
my response which received no reply,
Um who do we know? The sad thing is you’re pandering to whoever these people are and I have no idea about whoever it is out there being secretly mean about me. What the fuck have I done to deserve that????
sorry didn’t want to make it seem like i was swearing AT you. anyway, this email pretty much sums up my life in toronto. there’s the tall poppy syndrome handful of bitches and we all pretend to be nice to one another for some stupid reason and then there are their friends who can’t be friends with me because of them and they all talk shit about me but then to my face it’s all smiles. why??? what did i do to you again please refresh my memory. for the sake of this rant lets say i’m a celebrity, a minor celebrity, fine. if you are a celebrity in toronto you are fucked. people yell at you in the street and snicker when they see you, no matter what you did or how you became famous you are somehow a loser to this nobody assclown simply because you are WALKING on the sidewalk drinking a coffee like a normal person. muchmusic vjs get it the worst like they’re jokes because they’re on tv for OMG muchmusic. do you know how cut throat competitive it is to land that gig and here’s some fucker heckling you down queen street? where is the logic?
with me it’s a special brand of haterade. i get around, people think they know me when they don’t. people who’ve never met me or fuck it, SAW me at a party for 4 minutes declare me as this or that then retreat back into their dank little caves of wallflowerness to write a shitty comment about me on the internet. COOL LIFE SON.
i feel like i am drowning in bullshit and i can’t escape it. it’s never going to change. even when i evolve to the next level of whatever retardation is coming my way the negative hearsay will only increase and who can date their life through that nonsense? i can’t get within a foot of a guy without a chick throwing up a thousand disclaimers about me, whether she knows about my blog or not. the pressure of that of course makes the raymi cocktail all the more appealing for a while.
i do not know what the solution is. i am just on my period hahaha.
look at how dewy my skin is and how shiny my nose is and this is the worst screenshot ever try talking with the sun in your eyeballs.
+++
Morning Raymi,
Just wanted to say: people are dicks. Especially the ones on the internet.
Wanna bet that if you told everyone you were planning on gaining 10lbs, people would start congratulating you, encouraging you, saying “Good for you!!”
Sometimes I tell people I’m purposely gaining weight. So they’d like me.
It works!
But yeah, our society is still image obsessed and this IS, in fact, IN and that hasn’t gone anywhere. Sure, some might say “No, no, curves are back. Men like meat on their women – look at Christina Hendricks (Joan from Mad Men). Look at her GIANT TITS!!!!!”
If there was any sandwich in the world that would magically grow my tits that large, dammit, I’d be fucking eating it right now. Alas, no one likes “curves” unless they are in all the right places, and if you have more of a boyish, short-waisted, petite frame, as I do, gaining 10lbs makes you look like everyone’s favourite human sausage. No tits. Boo.
So, whenever I’ve gained weight, I have tried to lose it right away. If I don’t, I get depressed, then I eat more. When I’m lighter, I’m happier and am more active and I eat better. It’s a chain reaction.
And it’s only a fucking cleanse for 10 days. Not 10 years.
People are just bothered by the fact that you are already perfect-looking. But it seems perfectly clear that you are about to make yourself look like a supermodel, and that sort of thing can be threatening to others. I also suppose that people like to live in this bubble-world where beauty effortlessly “just happens”, and if it doesn’t, it makes no difference.
No. Looks are important. Not saying it’s right, but that’s how it is. However, society doesn’t want to hear about the amount of work that goes into it – I mean, if already beautiful people have to go to such lengths for beauty, what are us mere mortals supposed to do? They call these pursuits shallow. It’s like those guys who say “I prefer women who don’t wear any makeup”. Nope, wrong answer bud. What you meant to say is “I prefer women who were born with the perfect skin, body and set of genes so she doesn’t need any enhancement whatsoever.” Yeah, not all of us are so lucky in the genetic lottery.
The reason why, when you talk so openly about your diet, the internet gets angry is because when people see a beautiful person put actual effort into their already-fine looks, it sort of makes them feel like they are not trying hard enough. They want the bubble-fantasy that you were just born perfect, so lucky you. While you know I think you look perfect as it is, I know what if feels like to know that if you tried harder, you could be a little better.
And all the assholes out there who are emailing you death threats or calling you a crackwhore or whatever, they just want a rise out of you. No one in real life pays them any attention, but they are also kinda bored and hope that you’ll have a public meltdown, which will entertain them for fifteen minutes before they can catch the latest animal sneezing viral on youtube. Dear edgy (read: derivative) internet trolls: How original is it to sense that someone is feeling a little down on themselves lately, currently being teased, harassed, and called names, only to jump on the bandwagon of kicking someone when they’re down? Congratulations on being as edgy as a spoonful of marshmallows. You stole this idea from 5 year-olds.
Sometimes Raymi, you just gotta say Fuck the World. Then carry on and live in it, because it’s kind of a fun place too. And you’re amazing in it.
one of the massive headaches that comes along with dieting is listening to everyone else about it like leave me alone i am already suffering enough here. incredible. under the guise of “concern” you get preachy what-fors you did not ask for. how many times have i blogged about dieting and how many times has it worked? each and every time. i ballooned up to 160lbs for crying out loud and brought myself down out of that hell. not a one of my detractors had ever dieted successfully in their lives too. the thing is, yes it’s unhealthy, and that is how you get results. that’s the way of the world and our bodies. the world is not kind to fat chicks. i can’t even do a bullshit cleanse for half a day without battling handfuls of opinions on it i didn’t ask for.
i don’t like my body so i’m changing it. will i stick to this stupid cleanse i do not know. is it any of your fucking business? no. just because you are addicted to my stupid life doesn’t mean you have any rights here. making it personal too, not cool. do you think i am dieting for anyone other than myself? do you think i blog for anyone other than myself? do i live my life for anyone other than myself?
i should have seen this coming. stupidly, i had assumed we all knew how stubborn i was and how unnecessary trying to sway me away from what i set out to do is and then having the audacity to cop a ‘tude about it. leaving me anonymous comments about it when i have to deal with you in the real world? really? say it to my face. i put up with so much bitchy so much fucking bitchy i have had e-fucking-nough. trying to insult me out of this cleanse? trying to shame me? do you think i feel stupid at all? ever? did i come to you explicitly for advice? i am pretty sure that i didn’t.
anyway, i feel this cleanse is loads healthier than the other diets i’ve done cos i’m cutting out booze which is the number one reason why i’m doing this at all. it’s a means to trim that out and the biggest issue i have had for many years and what comes along with it is sugar cravings aka i cannot stop eating cravings. a strict fast with rules and guidelines is precisely the way i can do this and what it has to do with you i have not a fucking clue aside from the fact that you insist to read and judge my every move.
and now, icing on the cake, i have to go off it for the day to stuff my face. i did a thousand sit ups yesterday so my entire torso is sore from that making me feel even more bloated.
to add insult to injury i already hate this fast. it is boring. watching the road yesterday and alice in wonderland i thought about food so fucking much i felt mad. i sucked on campino candies and ground them into delicious paste. i switch-hit between the lemonaid drink (yes it’s good i said that already learn how to read) and dandelion tea (you are allowed non-caffeine herbal teas) and went to bed early, 11.30. that’s early for me.
i don’t care what you think about my body or my weight or how i look now or then or future. i do not stick my face in other people’s business because i have respect and also, my OWN life. if someone says they are going to eat nothing but popcorn for a week COOL GO FOR IT what capacity of influence do i have over that person, how arrogant would i be to assume i could stop them? the same goes for you. you told me once, i listened, now move on.
i wasn’t even going to mention it until i finished it because it’s super boring to read about trust me i know but i figured there’d be some wieners who might find some enjoyment from my self-inflicted plight so i went for it.
for the record, when i put something here it’s here just to be here not for a town hall meeting. i am not asking for anything. this is my venting box and it just so happens that thousands read it daily. if i was ever concerned over my image one would think i wouldn’t post shit like this. but i’m not, so i do, and THAT is why i have a following. i am not a faker. i live with my heart and life on my sleeve and that’s the way it should be.
also, perhaps your concern should be directed at the legitimate waifs in the city who have been quietly yet publicly starving themselves and wasting away in front of your eyes in their tired old scene and blogs.
HOW I GOT SKINNY read that for a refresher. bookmark it ladies i am tired of being asked for this post and the one i link to in it over and over and over again.
+++
yo dude i did the master cleanse thing for a week last week, you lose a pound a day, no fail and you don’t feel hungry or deprived after day 3, and its fucking easy and good for you, cause I don’t know my hair and skin and nails have never been so healthy looking and if thats a sign of sickness then fuckin bring it, I would have gone the 10 days or more easy but someone made ma a pie and I felt guilty letting it spoil. CLASSIC FAIL STORY!
Anyway get yourself through day 3 and it feels like you can go forever. Don’t skip the ease-out process cause you won’t shit for a week. live and learn ok!
did you do it with laxatives too?
I got those natural laxatives the senna leaf thing, its at shoppers drug mart and its like $5 – don’t get the chemical shit, it’ll give you lazy bowels (where your body is like, shits? what’s that? i don’t do that anymore, ex lax does it for em) but yeah i started the laxatives on day 2 took it at night then woke up and whoooa everything is gone and then the fas\t feels way better cause you feel really light and like Yes this is working!
I didn’t do the saltwater flush, too scared thta my kidneys will absorb that shit.
Anyway avoid all sugars if you can even in coffee if you have to eat make sure its like a cup of broth or juice or anything you think will liquefy easy in theory, fiber will just hurt your stomach (cause the laxatives flush out the enzymes that breakup food its seriously painful stuff)
Its slow to start but its so worth it not feeling hngry on day 4 and on, you’re just walking on sunshine or whatever, the headaches leave and you have energy and your head is CLEAR nothing like the first 2 days. Your body starts running off of its own fat reserves which i think it likes the best and your skin will be dewy I fucking look better without foundation now thats HOW!
OK so do it fuck the haters
Whoever commented the sagging skin/dark circles thing is so off I have never felt/slept/looked better and more vital (ha ha), people are animals, we can go 3 months without food, lookup some of the youtube blogs about the master cleanse actually look at ANY of them, none has any complaints whatsoever.
master cleansing it. already feel so fucking faint plus i blew it twice having two coffees and tomorrow i’m going to be going off it entirely at the seafood for thought event. so what i am not eating today anyway regardless of the cleanse. i am 130lbs. i have been drinking way too much wine. that’s the thing. i never cleansed before because i didn’t smoke weed. when friends did it they had their weed vice to turn to. i did not. no cold turkey world through sober eyes for this bird, no siree.
so i’ve just had my first glass. it’s actually quite good. very in fact. i also bought some dandelion leaf tea to take my bloat away. will not be hitting the laxatives until wednesday. rose did this for 6 days and said she was able to work just fine and IF it comes down to requiring food to get through a shift at work then i’ll eat celery and cucumbers and grapes or whatever stupid thing i think of that tracy gold ate in her real life account made for tv movie about fucking up growing pains with her anorexia nervosa. salad.
i am just going to have to deal with sugar cravings. they’re from booze-withdrawal.
i feel crabby as fuck. my dad called and was like where are we going for dinner and i was like nowhere i’m not eating. boo. i am this close to talking myself out of this shit until wednesday. no no i want to look slightly less bloated for tomorrow amongst the elite foodies. hopefully everyone there will be a giant cow. god i get SO much satisfaction and enjoyment from food and wine. i remember sober nites with fil. IMFUCKINGPOSSIBLE. it’s like great now we’re going to be sniping at one another all nite long trapped in the condo cos we only leave to go to bars. day fasting is fine i am so used to going off fumes all day. it’s the night time that goes in slow motion.
so anyway tonite is going to be long unless i dope myself up hard enough and pass out at like 8pm. which i intend to. after this lunatic post i’m going to lie in the sun and have another glass of this retard potion cos if i faint at least i’ll already be lying down anyway BURN ON YOU DIZZY SPELL. also i can work on my tan. two birds one stoner. oh that’s going to be the blog post title. originally it was going to be GUESS HOW MUCH I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS.
beast gave me this vespa shirt. it is so teeny tiny. bad timing on the size small after mandarin excursion. we are already in fat lazy wine couple who passes out on the couch mode. not happening. this twiglet needs to stay on the rail side to mind warp dudes all the more.
i spied a chick wearing awesome flats i’m not telling you the colour of or where she got them until i get myself a pair. i danced one of these flats until it ripped the other nite. stuck to the sticky floor of a place i cannot remember dancing at. was it at work? did i stick these in my bag? no it wasn’t there cos i was wearing white keds-like things. hmm this is bad i can’t remember right? when your life is a rollercoaster sorry what the fuck ever.
last bit of sun. iced coffee cheesecake chocolate ice cream drink i made. dad said he bought the ice cream especially for me. i think he is in on the getting me fat scam so i have a nervous breakdown every time dude stuff doesn’t go my way so i stay single and then keep coming to visit him every week.
this is after a rack of ribs. a pile of chicken and half a potato skin. later on i inhaled half a tub of that fucking ice cream and went to town on some potato chips, pinot grigio and lots of fruit. FFFAAATTTT. double chin from trying to suck it in so hard.
walked to starbucks metro and the organic store like this. i also go baked and walk to the beat of my music. dance shimmied way home cos started to get a blister from my flip flops.
wait should i not make my dad suffer and say alright we can go out somewhere where i can have a nice salad and ONE glass of wine or should i suck it up and begin?
also what the fuck happened to my blackberry what do i doooooooo.
beast said i am going to be unbearable this week. fuck that YOU’RE unbearable! he said i won’t even be able to lift my arms. great.
ok my phone seems to be working again sort of. maybe i should give it a rest.
oh my god so boooooring maybe i should just go on a month long blow binge. kidding i am too cheap for that. holy shit period get here. it’s late cos of my iud for the millionth time.
altogether for this cleanse i spent 30 bucks. actually it’s going to cost more cos i’m going to have to get more ganj. fuck my life.
me: i said couple omg
beast: We have been, haven’t we? Just cuz I’m a non comital dick doesn’t mean we haven’t been a couple.
me: well its cos u have kids
your life goes into couch tv wine food pass out mode
WHERE IS LANCE ROMANCE
beast: Duh… what have I been telling you since we met.
me: uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhm
should i just start this wednesday
so my dad doesnt have to suffer and we can go out to a restaurant
this is your one chance to read my mind and say what i want to hear
beast: I’m trying to read your mind… Number one – you are not fat. You are sexy as hell and I LOVE your body. I think you should be kind to your dad and body and start this cleanse on Wednesday morning. Because then you will give the thing a better chance of working. However, you will notice on the master cleanse site that they advise two days of prep – raw food, no red meat, reduced stimulants, etc. So, starve yourself a bit, have a sensible dinner (not Madarin) a laugh with daddy, and a fun night with the big beastly jerk you like tomorrow. How was that as far as mind reading?
fine salad and one glass of the best wine ever FINE. and don’t think for one second i’m following any of that food prep garbage.
this is what nxne is really all about. shitfaced on sidewalks with your friends doing stupid stuff. actually that is what everything is really all about. i didn’t even pick up my priority pass. i did the LOOK I HAVE A PRIORITY PASS BUT I AM SO BUSY I COULDN’T EVEN GET IT CAN YOU JUST LET ME IN ALREADY JESUS. worked.
My name is Ally and I’m a 20 year old art student. I started reading your blog because I’ve had no luck getting a job this summer. I guess that doesn’t sound like a compliment, but that is how I meant it. You’ve been incredibly entertaining in this shitty period of my life. Anyway, I don’t really know what to say here. I like how normal you are (in that you are not normal at all, if that makes sense), because the only blogs i really ever looked at before were those snobby fashion blogs run by girls who are already super fucking rich, and talk about frugality when to them it means going to a vintage store and spending $75 on an old t-shirt, you know? Then these girls get like, modeling campaigns and book deals and shit on top of already being loaded, and not really having any talents. I hate those bitches (okay not really, i’m just incredibly jealous of people who don’t have to worry about money). But then you are out there living your life, even when you feel bad or depressed or whatever. And you look good doing it. Sorry this is such a weird-o email, when i try to put things into words all the words go away. That’s another thing that’s cool about you, you can be so open in your writing. I’ve always wanted to start a blog, but you see how this email is going, it would be a crazy mess. I guess i should stop here.
Anyway just wanted to say thanks for being so awesome, you’ve made my broke-ass summer a little bit brighter
Luuuv
Ally
ahh i am so blogging this. the bitches need to know.
i like that i am in their rich world and they cant do anything about it. self made is the best made.
and you should totally blog your email ruled i read it to melodie and she loved it.
