let 2010 be the year of poor choices. or, just choices period. i have to learn how to get out of my head a little better and fall down a bit. i’ve been trying hard (kinda bullshit) for too long so now i’m just going to lighten up.

lately we’ve been discussing how much we hate ourselves for pissing away our talents. being lazy. pissing away talent is such a fucking luxury and it’s awful. depression is a luxury too. more on that later though. think about how many people who would die to be where you are right now. you do whatever you can to make it here then you arrive and just sit around on your ass for too long. i’m shaking my head right now about it. when i was 19 and fucking up for my first time i said a book must come out of all this or it’s all for naught. what a giant waste of my life but a book can remedy it all. now here i am again with new city eyes some-odd eight years later beating my dead horse. i better not blow it again.

my greatest regret in life is allowing my laziness to get in the way of everything. my outright avoidance of putting in the slightest extra bit of effort into anything i do. i know i should be achieving and accomplishing more and i hate myself for not. for letting people get in the way of my life, for focusing on them instead of myself because if i focus on myself then i’m forced to look at myself and that’s the last thing i want to do. i spend way more time than i ought to worrying about things that will never happen.

here’s a saying i learned a long time ago: if you can do something about a situation, there is no sense in worrying about it but, if there is nothing that can be done about the situation, worrying will also do you no good. so don’t worry.

last weekend at work a group of guys were ordering tequila shots and the leader of the pack says oh wait one more for GORGEOUS GEORGE so i turn around and turns out gorgeous george is the opposite of gorgeous. so oppositely gorgeous he’s gorgeous, and gorgeous george was spoken with an aussie accent so it sounded like butter in my ears. it was perfect.

from now on i’m going to wrap up blog posts with stupid unrelated stories.

this is about as painful as watching your parents figure out electronic mail for the first time. ok now i am figuring out how to use this beast. must turn off fb notifications.

so smart, i should like, totally be a blogger or something.

merkley, everyone who visits raymiland loves your book.

lamb poutine at mitzi’s sister. shall be haunting that scene quite a bit. our waiter was pretty great. i had to pay debit and was waterfall sorrying about it (we hate debit at our work i don’t know why exactly though) and he’s like it’s ok not a problem then i said i’m a chronic apologizer he said to try not apologizing for a day. i wonder why i do that. insecurity probably. definitely.

i have missed my friends dearly.

roots appointment for the weekend awwright.

flattering moments in time.

meet melodie. more importantly, meet melodie’s amazing shirt.

box of (johnny) cash nite and we all fell in love. drummer plays on a massive box. there is no actual box of money, slightly misleading. i stared holes through the singer’s head and pretended i was him in mine.

lucas makes encouraging little yip yip noises when he’s enjoying the music he hears.

the chick at poor john’s asked if melodie and i were sisters. do you see it?

yesterday i was a greasy mess instead of just a mess. i’m writing a guide to being a dirtbag princess. basically, shower never. melodie looks super fierce. she used to model. i asked her for some posing tips and she said that she was just about to ask me the same thing.

dropped in on narwhal to try and bump into kristin. it’s always so awkward inquiring about her or steve to their employees. hi is kristin here? no? uh ok um, cool. socially awkwardly insane.

gorgeous day for a stroll ‘cross the city. a little too keener on the no-toque wearing though (have a massive ear/headache now). it didn’t mesh with my bun head. or my pink heart glasses. last nite fluorescent orange seemed like a good idea.

lured into a shoe store by its 50% off sign. i need work shoes. they didn’t have my size in these. SIGHZE.

felt totally bananas wearing lolita shades in there. necessary gross eye coverage.

don’t even ask me the name i haven’t a clue.

a friendship was made only to be hastily severed. i got some mocassins. size 9. i’m a size 8. bought insoles. final sale. i have regrets a little. the shoes match my purse way too much plus every single chick in the city owns them already.

so pretentious i love it.

knees are killing from slamming the pavement. went to the pharmacy to exchange some way too orange makeup and i forgot my shoes on the counter, had to go back. then some guy on my street tried to pick me up. he was a little too sketchy for my liking. asked if i was named brinn. um nice made up name. he lives a few houses up can’t wait to not run into him again soon.

photo shoot afternoon with britt today for her class.

boner-inducing jeans.

hello old friend.

britt’s pics are loads better can’t wait to see them all.

time for a new camera. ooh ooh blackberry arrived today but i wasn’t home to collect it so tomorrow i’ll pick it up from the post office. got hooked up with a sick plan. thanks internet!

more emo than emo.

that chair painting goes to leslie sometime next decade.

britt you are going to get an A plus plus plus thanks to these big boys.

hope your teacher’s a perv.

i’m goin’ through summer with long ass ratty hippie hair then i’m cutting it into a pixie bob provided i don’t get fats.

ugh. my life is a shambles. please come clean my room for me i love you.

keyword analysis for my bloggo:

raymi
raymi the minx
raymitheminx
raymitheminx.com
rug munching
raymi twitter
tiger balsem in your anus
man when you speak angels sing above
girls photos without dressing a browse and not hiding there bizo free
afgani fucking girls in the amrica
Bigvagina
yogurt lesbians
big tits

hmmm yep, seems about right.

i wish i could write here without having to get head trippy over it and i wish i could do this without ever having to worry about how it would be perceived. i have moments of totally freeing type until i can’t breathe benders when i realize i have been holding my breath for too long or that i’ve forgotten to blink LIKE JULIET for entire minutes. i just want to be brash and i want to be crass, and vulgar. i feel like everyone’s mind is made up about me enough as is so no matter how dainty i may flukishly come across, it’s still vulgar. see? head trip. basically i should stop thinking about it and just do it.

like sex, can i start talking about that again yet? i learned yesterday that i cannot do that without it adding unnecessary stress to my life. i can’t mislead or make half jokes about anything. what i bring here is taken at face value for what it is, it’s lost on some people that there might be a little more going on. melodie said that i at least get a chance to control how i am perceived and she’s right. non-bloggers do not, their reputations are controlled by the people in the circles by which they run. i hadn’t considered that before.

point being, my ex doesn’t read my blog for a reason so maybe you should respect that and not go running your mouth. did that not occur to you or has there not been enough pain for your entertainment yet? i am not censoring my life any more for fear every single thing i do is going directly back to him. recognize that people operate differently than how you might handle a breakup, being friends/friendly, fucking, or not. it’s not up to you and last i checked we were never dating you.

i guess it boils down to what am i willing to sacrifice for the integrity of my blog?

do i go underground and shut my mouth? or continue exploiting this dog and pony show?

god i should be napping right now i’m in a state of so tired my eyes feel like punches.

a specialized kind of hot only girls understand but are still a bit disgusted by. boner killer pants for dudes. hey look how flat and wide my ass is guys!

that’s it, tan time.

can’t wear big shades with an old man hat. you can’t have both worlds.

mel in my grandma’s jacket. we tackled a lot of organizing last nite over wine and thai food and i finally did some laundry. it’s in a massive pile on the floor maybe i’ll put screens all around it or just move away from it. yeah. i’m falling asleep as i type this cos we stayed up late gabbin’ and watching mean girls. i’d be sleeping right now but had to get up for the post interview and played like i’d been up hours, total go-getter over here for sure.

think i’m goin’ lighter. swede lighter. think i’d have to tint my eyebrows though, can they just sprinkle a little bit of blond on there instead of albino wash out? i am wary of eyebrow roots too which i know is real. how brutally hilarious hahahaha oh my god everything is funny right now time to go back to bed.

yesterday was eating day. felt hung, wasn’t, just lack of sleep hung which should be its own blog theme and will be sorry for the dead horse beating but anyway as long as i keep consuming, the waves of shit feeling can be combated.

LOST nite!

did anyone notice i’m doing juliet face in my profile pic up there in the sidebar? holy lazy it’s soo obvious, jeez.

all juliet ever does is long pregnant pauses while pursing her lips and blinks like once an hour. once per episode. one blink. with her stupid fucking head cocked to the side all pious-like, she’s so hot it grosses me out. why do you have to have such big stupid eyes like that and be uniquely beautiful and smart? brosz7kowski has a big one for her and he hasn’t even made a point to see her tits in gia yet HELLO get on that. oh awesome, some pervert went ahead and did the work for me already, enjoy.