kill the family save the son
let 2010 be the year of poor choices. or, just choices period. i have to learn how to get out of my head a little better and fall down a bit. i’ve been trying hard (kinda bullshit) for too long so now i’m just going to lighten up.
lately we’ve been discussing how much we hate ourselves for pissing away our talents. being lazy. pissing away talent is such a fucking luxury and it’s awful. depression is a luxury too. more on that later though. think about how many people who would die to be where you are right now. you do whatever you can to make it here then you arrive and just sit around on your ass for too long. i’m shaking my head right now about it. when i was 19 and fucking up for my first time i said a book must come out of all this or it’s all for naught. what a giant waste of my life but a book can remedy it all. now here i am again with new city eyes some-odd eight years later beating my dead horse. i better not blow it again.
my greatest regret in life is allowing my laziness to get in the way of everything. my outright avoidance of putting in the slightest extra bit of effort into anything i do. i know i should be achieving and accomplishing more and i hate myself for not. for letting people get in the way of my life, for focusing on them instead of myself because if i focus on myself then i’m forced to look at myself and that’s the last thing i want to do. i spend way more time than i ought to worrying about things that will never happen.
here’s a saying i learned a long time ago: if you can do something about a situation, there is no sense in worrying about it but, if there is nothing that can be done about the situation, worrying will also do you no good. so don’t worry.
last weekend at work a group of guys were ordering tequila shots and the leader of the pack says oh wait one more for GORGEOUS GEORGE so i turn around and turns out gorgeous george is the opposite of gorgeous. so oppositely gorgeous he’s gorgeous, and gorgeous george was spoken with an aussie accent so it sounded like butter in my ears. it was perfect.
from now on i’m going to wrap up blog posts with stupid unrelated stories.
oh shmoopee, you are perfect just as you are.
laziness gives us more than we think: http://www.ted.com/talks/carl_honore_praises_slowness.html
I’ve pissed away so much talent I don’t think I have any left.
I think you still have lots of time, you are much further along than I ever managed to get and maintain.
Then again, I may have had less talent to piss away to begin with. Super possible.
my talents are imaginary
I once fell asleep behind the wheel with the cruise control set at 75mph. I woke up blasting up the grassy atoll when my car drifted off the highway.
Anyway, sometimes its all “sport and leisure” bby :
http://grainedit.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/ussr-brochure-2.jpg
please guy im loads hung everything is hysterical right now do you want every synapse of my brain to fizz out?
Very insightful piece,any I’m sure many would relate to this
Remember that half the battle, is being self aware
whats a synapse?
everyone thought i was a wunderkind because i skipped 2 grades, and started school early, and i was going to make some BIG NAME for myself. then i started university, went crazy for a while (the apex was running down the street barefoot in winter with my nightgown while the cops were chasing me – it didn’t last long), and no one has the slightest expectations for me anymore. everyday i wake up feeling like a giant failure, but i’m also probably the happiest i’ve ever been (sane again).
I’m avoiding deep thought today. I say only that I love the stacked chairs.
wow. that was deep.
I think I understand exactly how you feel. And I understand what you’re saying about wasting talents, for sure. Sometimes you put everything you can into your talent and it still takes you nowhere, but at least you know you gave it all you had. And this is when you find yourself hating people who make it big despite having no talent, like Adam Sandler for example. No, did I say that? I’m kidding. I meant Pauly Shore.
You make cooking look spectacular. Suddenly the kitchen seems like a great place to be. Sex glamour cooking is the new black.
!!!
Those first 3 paragraphs are screaming at me, I relate to them so extremely right now.
You’re writing that book. That shiny and new one. It will be good. Great.
You can’t change the past
but the important thing is
your changing things now
this will empower you, making you happier
Felt sorry for what Sophia said
happens to alot of people, College and University seems to bring out the crazy
but the sad thing is that everyone dropped expectations for her
Find another purpose and surprise everyone
Its only over if you think it is
Time for a ME moment. When I first started reading this blog you were already in your ‘relationship’ I think it was brand new – you gradually got on my nerves – I never stopped reading, though, in my obsessive compulsive way and now we are here – in the present (we were always in the ‘present’) I like this presence so much more – you are more an ‘artist’ to me now and this is your art (amoungst others) well done!
I’m so happy you’re back in the city.
@sofia hahaha running around in the snow in a nightgown, what, did you find a secret cupboard with a passage to Narnia or something?
Yeah, I should be doing greater things too but it’s so hard to make an effort these days…
a painter in Halifax said that 60% of painting is thinking about it…when doing the laundry, doing the gardening, and doing…nothing
the time that you spend not doing what you think you should be doing is simply time in which you are preparing for the doing
it’s a form of editing…the mediocre bits get left out before they get done
pierre, not be a downer or anything but i was about to be form 1ed, because my boyfriend was conspiring with the police to lock me away so i wouldn’t completely lose it on myself. obviously that helped the psychotic fantasies.
I like that last dude/chicks’ comment. Menial tasks can easily become a forum for your mind to expand and expect more of yourself. We all have a roll, being a plumber, I know mine. Make decisions, roll with the punches, and act like you don’t have to pretend it was meant to be.
I love your apron btw fyi.
yikes. this post sounds like me. i hate the uber conscious zone that’s so lonely and right. forget about it enjoy.
enough with the serious talk, nice side boob.
thanks man that means so much to me
Those kitchen cupboards are nice.
Yes, this nails it. Somehow, the last photo is perfect for it too.
I love Hole, listened to that CD til it wore out…wore out! at one point 6 months straight. The original one from 1994ish??
Anyway, I love you and where you are now and I understand the reflection that comes after a many years of what I call “giving him the biggest piece of chicken everytime” which I did. I did it all for him. I am not saying you are discussing that topic cuz I don’t want to upset you, but with me it was all about him. All of a sudden I am on my own, doing it by myself for the first time, working my ass off…literally, and I now remember what kind of music I like! Thankfully, he called me this week after a year and I think we will be friends which is even better.
So, inner reflection is amazing and I too have done things lazily, but no more. I am a leaner meaner fighting machine!
Beautiful things are happing on this here blog…and within you.
http://theknownuniverse.us/postimages/2-2010/doggoneit.jpg
Wendy, good for you, I think once a woman has lived part of her adult life through a man and even her family
next time around its about what shes about…
Can I have a re-invite back to your blog? the last one expired
Thank you. It helps to hear encouraging words. My blog is locked up tight, maybe for good. I was dealing with terrible evil comments from my ex and his chick…more than likely her. Soooo…I shut her down and now am wandering aimlessly thru the desert.