i love badminton and i’m pretty fuckin’ great at it. my family is way into it and pretty competitive.
after one of these racquet flip tosses i caught it and the birdie was comin’ my way, i still lobbed it over. nice.
this was totally great until i stepped in goose shit, barefoot, right through my toes uuuuugh. then the mosquitos came out in droves. brutal.
this picture is great because that shirt is so classy.
mid-lecture what else is new.
obviously this is about all of you.
perfectly vintage good thing some twerp put stickers all over it.
is it me or is my jaw getting more squarey like my mom’s? probably the angle this picture was taken.
here comes dad.
fantastic salads thanks again!
brosz7 hooked us up with lick’s burgs then i jumped right on in the badminton without digesting first. that plus beer and annihilating a bag of plantain chips is recipe for bloated gas land for the rest of the nite.
on this end of the island you are so close to the airport i marveled at how cool it was to play a game of badminton so close to an airfield while planes land and take off, no way you could play badminton that close to pearson airport. would be hilarious if you tried though, in fact, who wants to play badminton at pearson airport with me? i’m sure security would be down for it.
thanks for lookin’ out for me guy!
then we dropped in on yuula‘s. she has made much headway in her feather collecting, driftwood covering. she said there’s probably 500 feathers on this thing. i think i heard 500.
yuula cast.
thanks for the bug spray! sorry about the non-meteor showers.
love this back to the future clock.
i put clear mascara on fil’s left eyelashes, can you even tell? ugh guys and their long lashes, do you think it’s an evolution (historical? what’s the word i’m looking for?) thing like guys go out hunting in the woods and desert and long lashes protect their eyes? i did the other eye too, you could tell more in real life.
waitin’ for the ferry.
do you think i will ever get a clear photo of the toronto skyline?
i’m on no sleep cos i stayed up til 2 watching toddlers&tiaras because i am an idiot then i couldn’t sleep and then my mom calls me at 9.45 even though i explicitly told her NOON, noon we will speak 12 NOOOOOON. we’re gonna hang today so i canceled my dermatologist appointment for the billionth time. waiting for my peg bundy coug flats to dry on the balcony they were wet and encased in a plastic bag in the trunk since sunday, holy gross smell.
oh i made a crapblog charting my toilet logs. ha double entendre. the humour in it will probably wear off by tomorrow.
good day to you hello there. that coffee was bailey’s free. not sunday morning’s though no sirree. i am SO glad my roots have dye in them again, if my hair was natural up there and the rest black i woulda had a way tougher time dealing. blond bonus – you can go days without having to wash your hair. (also the flash of my camera makes my hair look brown and it isn’t).
good morning hello.
love this terrifying thing, vintage toys are the best.
workin’ all day dave and on his birthday too. i said happy birthday 50 times to him throughout the day, didn’t care, so unbig a deal to him the fucking apocalypse could happen and he’d be all, meh.
me hard at work representin’ outfit one.
meanwhile… ha jokes GUY i took these. also nothing’s in order thank you flickr.
i hope i look this babely when i’m pregnant.
little emily and i picked some wild flowers to put in the wishing well bucket. it was a very important job. hangin’ with kids is awesome, they do your chores for you or help you dodge ‘em completely oh i can’t help you lift that because we are picking blades of grass over here.
i love the scattered arrangement of the tents and chairs, so low-key, no bullshit, no seating plan, zero uptightness. refreshing indeed.
what’s goin’ on here? we’ll come back to it as the pics aren’t in order ugh. anyway funny story about this ATV (is it called that?) the ort boys & cofield (of course) took it for an insanely loud night cruise (more like 2am) and got it on 2 wheels (i think?) and are now banned from using it haha idiots.
the wedding was on valentine’s day, family only. the pictures are stunning.
ahhh that’s what alex was driving over. good thing that one was wearing a life jacket.
outfit 2, for hangin’ and preparin’ also i got ONE beer out of the keith’s keg, the heineken was emptied by the time i was ready for a brew. cynthia said we weren’t allowed to start the kegs until 3 no matter we all worked around that one – bottles, cans! (alex said that rule was faulty) i think it was tapped around 1 anyway haha. it’s funny when everyone’s wasted on keg beer one hundred they justify it like they are helping the keg owner by assisting them in draining the thing. also who drank all my coors lights?
wicked rug.
wicked rug plus chicken legs.
last minute captions for their alex roast slide show. i introduced it for them cos they are not down with the public speaking and i made a mini speech and almost started crying. i cut it off once my thighs starting trembling. anyway because of that i got most of the credit for their work even though i repeated myself twice that fil and steve worked very hard on it. it was a seriously touching tribute and funny too if i had made it i’d’ve glory hogged the shit out of it. note my crap hanging up on the wall.
when someone owns a cottage it warrants giving them the goofiest shit ever and they are forced to lovingly display it. not that this wooden egg is goofy, just talkin’ here.
then some fresh-faced showered people arrived and i started feeling skidly time to clean up. slicing my hand on the screen door was a nice bonus, band-aid on my hand from the 70s with adhesive so gluey once i took it off i had gummed-up residue like crazy. in fact there’s still some on my hand right now.
i love the contrast of this urbanesque print in a cottage setting. neat.
CANADA! CANADA!
the bride gettin’ her hair did. jamie says in the first year of marriage you are referred to as bride, after that it’s wife. ride that one shari. i then realised holy crap there’s a straightener here thank god.
time stands still at the cottage, well, they’re like time capsules basically.
then matt and leslie showed up to get down.
some serious snacks.
simple clean whimsy, the best. this was the food table and it was screened in i forgot to get a picture of the fabulous spread. use your imagination.
the opposite of dorks.
matt and leslie always have a tickle trunk of random various boozes.
tastes like a creamsicle. pretty certain this sealed my needing a nap fate.
bromancin’ the stone. that’s tarley off in the background, see how his shirt matched by dress and the day before we were red/white stripes FASCINATING.
ugh.
delicious amazing on its way to becoming pulled pork.
i’m such an emotional loser this could make me cry even. mom what kind of genes have you passed on to me!?
the biggest bowl of onions i have ever seen. i didn’t even get any cos i was too impatient to wait in line. whoever had to cut these musta been crying.
how much do you love this chair!
i can’t even settle on just one picture of it.
i love cynthia (alex’s mom) she is so sweet, welcoming, and eccentric. she also taught art to steph and so many other people we know. she also partied to notorious BIG it was awesome.
misleading size close-up.
poor little dude.
HOT MAMA. i love that dress how much does it make you want to be 8 months pregnant like right now. i wish i could photoshop that guy out no offense. maybe fil can do it so shari can use this as her FB profile pic.
i’m running out of funny captions juice cid just bit my finger and i’m getting hungry. oh yeah nice matching shirts zzz.
some people meet me as lauren, some as raymi. oh yeah little emily asked me what my name was, i said luh-ren, like lauren but better.
perfectly adorable little cigarettes for children! i had a drag of one of these later on and immediately regretted it but blessing in disguise as it required i drink two bottles of water which alleviated the majority of my hangover.
jackson pollock floor.
oh god.
ditto.
this one was pointless, lasted no time at all as it instantly got cold and i was ready for nap town but thanks to its overall loudness it was not forgotten. why can’t people just mind their own beez? (ps i wasn’t the only one singin’ on the mic i was actually quite moderate with it stop being catty to me all the time).
i shushed so many people during speeches excuse me i’m trying to cry over here.
tarley played i have never later on at another cottage i can only imagine how that nite turned out, oh to be a fly on the wall.
dave-O MC-extraordinaire + adorable emily. she wanted to tell a story on the mic so bad and finally got her chance, decided to sing a song instead, got out a few la-la-la’s then shy attack took over, so adorable omg i’m about to start crying right now even. reminded me when i gave a speech at my uncle’s wedding to all the grandparents and bawled my eyes out at the end. i didn’t want to give the speech, but felt i should yet knew i would crumble in fear and nerves. i was 8 and felt exploited.
shari’s dad gave a hilarious stoner speech. i coulda listened to him talk for a half hour, so funny and scattered and eccentric. she kept heckling to keep him on track.
i kept it together during cynthia’s speech until she said that the island was a special place where friends become family and family become friends OMG so totally bawling right now again. nick was surprised by my sensitivity what with my bitchy exterior and all. dude a flower petal could make me lose it.
this was funny, aunty margy wrote the speech for both of them then brought out a champagne bottle full of confetti that wouldn’t burst, they brought it home from the uk and he thought it would blow up the plane haha ahh comedic relief.
it finally popped.
perfect.
i was jealous of that idea & tried to stick one on my cheek but it wouldn’t stay hi i am 4.
melissa read me her speech earlier while i was putting on makeup and it made me bawl. then hearing it again knowing all the emotional bits of course i lost it again especially cos she got chokey at parts. lindsey’s speech made me blubber too hi this post is about how much i cry i hope you liked it.
bummed we had to miss out on presents opening the next day. we had to leave for fil to shoot a show THAT WAS CANCELED DUE TO RAIN ANYWAY. extra bitter as the sun came out and was perfect swimming weather.
i like how zero per cent of a shit people give on the island when it comes to funny hats uh i mean nice hat. rob in the background said he looked at my blog and didn’t “get it” also “what’s with that cork?” haha. rob there is nothing to get. enjoy.
shari is such a natural public speaker, so brave and chatty. they are a wonderful couple and this reception made it oh so apparent it was very touching to see. congrats you guys xoxox i hope you have a girl!
fil rearranged the furniture so now i am facing the other side of the room, it’s bomb dude! now when we bang on the couch the building across the way’s view of our performance will be totally better. here look it’s me about to shove an onion ring in my face, probably the same one i later barfed up in my mouth and the last one i will eat for a loooooooong time.
wicked, a dirty chick thinks we are losers. why would you instantly assume over a snippet of conversation that we’re beach snobs, fuck you idiot, i love that beach.
whenever i get interviewed about this piece of shit blog, i’m always asked how or why i started blogging and i always credit this guy…
the first time i met pierre the dog. i was also blasted.
had to return that green bell. no bells exist for road bikes like fils’, he is still bellless. maybe if i tell his mom she will force him to get one. apparently they are insanely expensive to have custom-made/fitted.
i’ve strayed too far from the original point of this journal and have allowed all your sensitive-susan’s opinions shit up my vision. you know what i mean? i’m not a giant asshole who walks around screaming at people, i merely share stories on my blog about stupid assholes who get my goat cos i find it entertaining, as do many others. i go out in the world and shit either happens to me or around my immediate vicinity and then i friggin’ blog about it, simple. if you live in a city and frequently go out, the probability of some jerkoff lipping at you for no good reason is pretty high (and i don’t even write about every little thing that occurs) but you wouldn’t know that would you from behind your safe little computer desk in suburbia, so stick to your martha stewart crafts webring in the future maybe?
we went to the arms to kill time during that ridiculous downpour, all of which funneled itself onto my fucking soul from just dashing car to bar, steph choked and lingered way too long under the awning where all the tropical buckets of rain were sloshing the most she’s like WHAT DO I DO i’m like OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!
kinda hard tunes to groove to and sometimes the shy just takes over.
oh god i’m turning into one of those “you keep me young” chicks GROAN brutal!
oh and thanks everyone for the push-up bra quips THEY’RE NOT PUSH-UP BRAS just reg. bras with like a mile thick layer of foam. i’m not as flat as i look, the way my jublies party is like a wonky-eyed dude with both pupils pointing in opposite directions but when you stuff ‘em in a bra, up they go all that stretched-out overlooked area and BAM! i’m stacked.
There was probably a time when I reloaded Raymi’s blog more than my own email, mostly because she actually updates that much (we could take a cue). This was a revelation– a time-killing mega-distraction on a pre-Mark Zuckerberg Internet. For some, it’s hard to pinpoint the appeal of her blog, outside of the blankfaced voyeurism it affords with little to no censorship. Its been referred to as everything from performance art to soft porn (and thus occasionally blocked on the computers of those with real-people jobs), and she gets written about by everyone from Eye Weekly to Drunken Stepfather. I dunno, we just like her. And other people must too because she has lots of those weird little Best Blog in Canada/the-Universe awards on her site, and more hits than we could dream of this side of becoming a Warren Kinsella hate forum. Oh, and it doesn’t hurt her rad factor that she’s related to Jack Kerouac.
fwah. there’s not a chance in hell a hipster would deem ME a hipster, all hipsters are islands of themselves, i wouldn’t even be on their radar. the point is, that article is a hack piece and didn’t unearth anything i didn’t already know four years ago.
i would also like to add that never in my life have i been cut off at a bar, i have been swinging from chandalier style trashed performing floor gymnastics and the like and not once have i been tapped on the shoulder. (we still don’t drink at this place we have held true to our blacklisting that shit scene also they fired the karaoke guy too so extra no reason to go there).
here’s some of fil‘s pics of me i ripped from facebook. dunno why he didn’t put these up on flickr as usual.
this was costume change three (technically four if your count the outfit i woke up wearing and wandered around in for a few during coffee then the second outfit for helping set up) then it got super cold and i needed a nap. after that i came out in jeans and stayed in that outfit for the rest of the nite.
sampling and displaying the goods.
shari’s dress was amazing. i have a really great picture of her in it. i’d wear it non-preggers in a heartbeat.
post-nap i may or may not be a tad crabby at this point in time. why does napping make you so pissed at everyone? something about people goin’ on with their own shit and you take it personally hello you all forgot about me thanks a lot selfish bastards. i got over it.
can you guess what i’m eating here?
bananananananananananA cream pie! i’ve had a craving for one for weeks i forgot how it came about but cravings just grow and grow until you do something about them.
accompanied by a post dinner libation – whiskey and caramel toffee yogurt ‘nuked for a minute. deliciously boozy. fil could drink a punch bowl sized amount in one go.
i don’t think my craving has been adequately satiated as this is just a cheap mccain frozen dealy. actually i more so crave a bostom cream pie now. custard mmm. i can tell i’m not drinking as much booze when i start craving sweets. speaking of, the baklava shari’s dad got this weekend completely blew me away.
family portrait.
i whipped up a tasty meal and it was ready by the time fil came home, stellar. filmed it too but the video is way boring so nevermind.
simple boiled little potatoes topped with a bit of butter, salt and pepper. reminds me of dinner at my grandparents (way british) and i hated potatoes, i was a finicky eater. i’d try and hide the potatoes underneath other stuff on my plate, spit them into my napkin and stuff it under the lip of my plate.
still kinda meh about them but i can appreciate their overall blandness and simplicity. not so much the carb factor though.
roasted red pepper, spinach, left over beef tenderloin, then fresh grated parm and caesar dressing from scratch.
i had not had the privilege nor pleasure of working with such a huge wheel of brie before. after that lindsey and i sliced prosciutto with alex’s deli slicer, well she did while i just squealed in anticipation and awe. and terror.
as is usual i have a shit ton of photos to deal with, each one is special, sentimental, reason why i can never (and refuse to) skim it down.
i was balls hung when i woke up friday morning i thought we might have to go up saturday instead that’s how bad i was. i started feeling better around 4, taking pictures of the blythe book in the car kept me distracted then i was finished and felt completely nauseous. it went away after a pepto pill thankfully. before that every time fil coughed it rattled me and i thought i was going to ralph.
i will get you all don’t worry!
i knew this compulsion was fucked up so i kept it secret for a year then i was over it. or limited it to in my mind, acknowledging every single passing object in secret.
at the slip.
whimsy.
i am in a metal hair band called HAIR and we sing songs about conditioner and wide tooth combs.
tarley and i wore matching outfits both days accidentally. until i changed out of my blue dress into outfit 3. and 4. and 5 6 7…
planning ahead.
i wanted to get pictures and video of them assembling the tent but it was up before i knew it.
DON’T FORGET THIS WAS MY FIRST TIME CAMPING STOP THE WORLD CALL THE PAPER.
so instead i ate a sandwich while rascal observed.
kaine busted that camera saturday nite at the rain dance tent party then took it apart to “fix” it.
smallest tent ever. there’s an air mattress folded in half in there, you can see it trying to explode out of the thing. i would choke on suffocating claustrophobia if i had to sleep in there.
guys are weird.
this whole yard turned into a gypsy shanty town by the next nite. pretty neat. i may or may not have overheard some carnal knowledge the second nite THROUGH MY GODDAMN EAR PLUGS.
setting up.
lovely lovely lovely. absolutely. eccentric and lovely, my favourite.
a new (to me) and most welcome addition. perfect for my competitive assholism.
wishing well.
i love cottage chic.
does this pot come in large? no? only small?
delicious pasta.
i am sentimental over these guys and i am happy they remain unlit.
HI FRIENDS REMEMBER ME OMG HII HII HI I’M BACK!!
clearly our tent.
thanks again valency (and your husband) the flight suits have been gettin’ some great mileage and their story has been told numerous upon numerous times over.
these dinks have been friends since their early teens. alex by the stove is the blushing groom and father-to-be. he is a phenomenal fanatical chef.
what a cute knocked-up mama shari makes.
it was awesome how clear these light pictures turned out. ugh.
that chicken was delicious.
i heard there was a party happening this weekend can i come?
these aren’t even close to being in order.
it blows my mind feeling something growing inside someone else’s stomach i cannot get over what it must feel like for the woman.
dinner.
nice christmas outfit fil. you shoulda got inside kaine’s tent that would have been a nice picture.
la lune and awesome clouds. we all agreed we wished we were on drugs.
buncha cousins and besties.
trying to time a jump.
crouching down to capture it you can’t tell at all.
gettin’ there.
what a tolerant woman. five stars.
by sunday we had two of those hats in our tent. fil looked like a cross between jamiroquai and r. kelly.
see? R. kelly. took me awhile to get that name out. i’m like, looks like a rapper that raped underage chicks. i forget the first guess and it likely wasn’t funny anyway. then of course no it wasn’t rape it was peeing on her. snore.
then chris came back dressed as a leprechaun.
kenny, he is in awe of you.
GET OUT OF MY FACE R KELLY!
i was talking mad shit (as usual) and totally winning til i excused myself to take a wizz. then it was all downhill from there. bocce tip: hold it in until the game is finished, that pressing tension in your bladder works in your favour and pissing afterward is your reward on top of winning.
and that was the best my hair was going to look all weekend long.
for once i wasn’t psychotically hung each morning. water water water and limited my drink drank drunks. this island is notorious for hangovers for everyone.
nick the prick on the right (also an old time friend of the boys). he told me i have an attitude problem (pot kettle black much!) i told him he had a correcting problem and he took it to heart, saying he got it from his dad and made a point to try not to do it as often. at one point everyone was arguing about sting and the police, he got on the mic and said I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE – STING IS AN ASS-HOLE. hilarious.
so midsummer’s night dreamy meets midnight in the garden of good and evil.
bedtime.
so tell me, every time i bent over friday nite this is what happened? thanks guys! those pants have gotten looser on me and i just washed/dried ‘em.
dicks.
just in case i wake up with an nauseating-induced anxiety attack in the middle of the nite. (didn’t)
phil’s loon call plus me REMINDING you this was my first time camping wow give me an award. why do i have to ruin every video by opening my stupid ass mouth? one thing i learned about camping/tenting is it kills your ankles crawling around in there sitting cross-legged and i also learned that i am a total princess and anal about getting leaves and twigs inside so you keep your feet and legs on the outside and remove your shoes ok bye i invented the great outdoors.
and now i will bathe for the first time since friday. my nose is totally lobster red and my hair, i don’t know if it is even brushable. i basically have dreadlocks, curls, and pockets of knots.
ps. leave a comment on this crap i put lots of work into it and i can see how many and who is on my blog at any given time, all you do is silently lurk then leave. RUDE. like right now there is 23 of you. before that 45, then 18, then 12, then 26 etc etc etc.
finally got around to giving some proper attention to the blythe book brosz7 gave me for my birthday and took pics of my favourite ones during the car ride up north friday. they were all styled by super fans and designers and auctioned off for charity then photographed by gina garan, the chick responsible for my blythe admiration whom also featured my tattoo on her site (scroll)(this weekend i was asked if my tattoo was a bratz doll and it was also referred to as a betty boop tattoo. ughhhh). very decent. here’s the best of the best, the rest you can check out in this set and here‘s a list of the designers along with their doll. basically this happens twice a year then they make a book of it. the attention to detail is ridiculous and the tiny couture outfits are likely worth more than a month’s salary.
I had to delete the other video i made (to make room on my camera) explaining my counting letters/words obsession. I’ll redo it another day, i know i’ve described it before and i figure it makes more sense when you just hear me say it even though the compulsion itself makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever which for the most part none of them do. from my own personal experience i’ve deduced that one invents or creates an obsessive compulsion out of boredom, usually due to the cause of under-stimulation or being under-challenged whathaveyou so typically it’s the brainiacs who have all these weird ticks usually (always) having to do with counting. a hell of a lot of them are a direct result of trauma or stress also. i know that it felt calming to count and it kept my brain occupied and it’s kind of a mental holiday (even though compulsions are obviously manifested in the brain) though for many (i’m sure by now you’ve heard of that show obsession) it is utter hell, they are prisoners to their obsessions, alienated and so on. my compulsions never got in the way of my day-to-day life. other than when i had a nervous breakdown. anyway, enjoy that stupid video which is dedicated to steph who is obsessed with obsessions. bye i’m completely exhausted and my hair is a total mess. first time camping OH MAH GAWD what a diva i did 6 costumes changes yesterday and never heard the end of it. hello, weather changes throughout the day plus over-packing plus booze equals the fuckin’ tickle trunk. (also packing for 3 days)
once the rain attack stopped the clouds disappeared and the heat and the sun oh man, having to leave blew anus. sigh.
woah i just clark griswolded the tent off the balcony (seriously how do you take those things apart in gailforce winds? that was ridiculous!) that shit’s all in a pile on the floor around me right now fil set it up to dry cos he packed it up while it was raining earlier today. poor fil shooting an outdoor show right now. feels like tornado weather with a sprinkling of hurricane.
watching big brother right now holy shit that blond chick is the dumbest ever. can’t tell time, if you told her it was a quarter to something she wouldn’t know what time that was. also doesn’t know how spider webs are made. why did jeremy piven just show up??? what a giant unfunny penis.
cid is totally hiding in the bathroom from the thunder and crackling lightnining and i’m sucking back a mimosa.
