But the trouble with dreams, they’re not what they seem, cos when you awake, they fall through your fingers in flakes

let me tell you about this book i’m rereading for the fourth time, it’s so perfectly dated and romantic and whimsical and sexy and sad and hopeful, the pages are yellowed, i nicked it from a bed & breakfast in bayfield when i was a teenager during family summer vacation, the room we had had this bunk-type loft double bedroom and there’s allusion to an apartment like that in this story, half-set between paris and london. if you consider yourself a fashion-conscious urban dreamy romantic hip lady, find yourself a copy of this novel.

in a nutshell, this parisian girl lives with her gay dad and his bf in paris, her mother died when she was born, her gay dad has an artisty sister living in london, girl stays with aunt, idolizes her, meets all her awesome friends, aunt dies (you find that out straight-away in the book so it’s not a spoiler), girl inherits aunt’s money, goes back to paris, grows up, cuts off all her hair, becomes assistant to big name photographer, has lovers, becomes heart broken, more lovers, someone dies, i forget how it ends that’s why i’m reading it again.


“A genuinely sophisticated entertainment…cunning social observation and sharp prose.” -Vogue

“A powerful story!” -Vanity Fair

didn’t get much reading or eating done, an old friend called and i lost my appetite completely on top of an already non-appetite thing going on, go stress demons go!

regretted outfit choice, way too much brown, and too hot for 3/4 sleeves made of volcano. also, these two dudes were eavesdropping on my entire conversation with old friend and then fil so on my walk home i self-consciously played back in my head everything i had said to decipher if it was fabulously scandalous or just insane.

raymi lauren said…

omg according to kindergarden raymi i am supposed to be a famous movie star like barbie by now with like $100,000 and kids and a red corvette and fur shawls and big blonde hair oh and then be madonna in my spare time.

how to deal with your MY depression!

i’m awake

and i have a chill BRRR i say, as well as fuck this!

not to freak you out or anything but last nite fil and i ordered our first PORNOOOOOOOO and it was TERRIBLE. we decided to scrimp on the price and went with this 5.99 number called 18 and F—able with the uck dashed out exactly like that. my review is this 1. these chicks were NOT 18 and 2. SICK! it was pretty obscene for us, we’re used to telemundo or showcase’s soft core lame shit or their reality shows that we’ve already seen every episode of so being confronted by this real deal business was a shock, on top of zero plot or acting, straight up doing it, raunchy, blah i’m so prudish now. anyway, we fast forwarded all of it with our clothes on and any arousal prior to this piece of shit was taken away. i was pissed because just before ordering i said we should just put my laptop on and check out youporn or redtube, which is what we did only after the fact. it took forever clicking through amateur bullshit to settle on something to be inspired by.

next time i think we should just buy a dvd.

also before all this we watched this doc from 1995 called wired for sex, about the INTERNET and CYBERSEX and TECHNOLOGY and if you have rogers on demand go to tv entertainment under cbc and order it free, you’re welcome for the laughs.

if fil had his own show it would be clips of him watching the history network and discovery channel with cid in his lap and then at the end there would be a funny little comic penned by me called THE ADVENTURES OF CIL & FID! and it would be about the same thing.

steph came over last nite and we watched the devil’s advocate FOR HER FIRST TIME. we ate doritos and beef patties and drank boxed white wine compliments of philogynist. indigestion kicked in around 1 in the morning. wicked. steph brought me her leather jacket from le chateau, she got herself a new one, anyway she is teeny tiny and the thing actually fits me. leslie texted me a pic of my frye boots yesterday TORTUROUS! they look so dreamy, i pretty much have to block out an entire afternoon just so i can sit and imagine myself float-hovering over the city of toronto wearing steph’s jacket and those boots. yes i have to schedule scumbag loafing time on top of other scumbag loafting time. i have to meet with the curator for my art show in an hour, i’ve already tried to get out of it cos i am professional like that, i left a few emails and called a number that rang forever and ever and left a message, so after we meet she will have the pleasure of reading my nice get out of jail messages – WINNER i am holding my finger up in the air right now doing the symbol for #1 you better believe it. well at least i showered. i pretty much need a whole new wardrobe cos nothing fits now that i am turning into skeletor. i have this blemish on my neck i demanded fil to help extract yesterday when he got home from work, then he sterilized a pin in front of me over a lighter and it freaked me out, i let him poke at it for a bit then got the heebie jeebies and made him stop. oh yeah back to the reason why i mentioned wardrobe, i’m wearing these pants right now that fil hates, i like ‘em, probably because they are probably the longest relationship i have ever endured or ever will, these pants have been with me through thick and thin, wow that’s stupid. oh yeah i also wanted to say that i am coming to feel pretty guilty over all the times i have written about my laundry nemesis, i finally realised that she has no choice but to do laundry every day, it’s part of her job, initially i thought she was just crazy for laundry, but really it is part of her daily routine being the maid for someone in this building, i’m still not keen about the waste of water and electricity everyday though. i had an ah-ha! moment the last time i went down there and she was folding some shit, i wanted to reach out so i made this stupid sigh and said SO MUCH LAUNDRY and she chuckled and said it is never ending and so i said yeah that’s why i save it all up i hate doing it and then bingo, your hero realised that she is a retard (that’s me) cos i’m pretty sure laundry nemesis would like that luxury as well. that, or i spend entirely way too much fucking time pondering elaborate scenarios of other people’s lives who forget me the second i leave the room.

fil wanted me to rave about the soup he made us the other nite that i failed to take a picture of, it was roasted red peppers that he roasted over a blazing fire in the park, browned onions from onions he also grew in the park and successfully hid from hobos, junkies and bad kids, chicken stock from a rotisserie chicken we annihilated god knows when that fil elaborately boiled the bones, skin and remnants of then froze for a month or so in the freezer, um, tomatoes he hand-picked off the vine that the smell BRINGS HIM BACK to the memories of his youth, hot sauce, other stuff lovingly combined in a pot ALL FOR ME THANK YOU FIL THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!

*oopdate – rescheduled curator meeting. this is good so i can actually finish more paintings in time.

so what are u wearing

me: i am in a towel

Steph: jesus im in a bra
= no idea
and we are sexy

me: for real

Steph: i wish someone hadnt pointed out i wear alot of black

me: was that me
cos i think i said that once
i cant wear it too much on account of my hair

Steph: its all i can focus on now, how do i not wear black when everything i own is black

me: i should start wearing blond
i think u are good

Steph: ahaha thanks
ya you wear blond
and it wasnt you
you just said it about 1 outfit once
i cant remember who…

me: well in my head i say it like 749856 times everyday


me: so it feels like i said it a lot already

Steph: ahahahhaaaa

me: like the ONE time i accidentally said you were flat
you think i said it 8756478 times

Steph: in your head you probably do

i think you wear more black than you are flat


me: but do you go to town on that NOOOOoooooooooooooo

Steph: so i am wearing KINDA black jeans and a grey tshirt. spice things up a little

me: omg so out there colour spectrum!


that is like my ultimate favourite funny not funny burn

im so proud
i might be wearing a black hoodie
and black boots

me: i wore a black hoodie to the liquor store on my bike yesterday, i wished it was nite so i could psyche out cars
my hood was also on