ok fine i’ll blog JESUS

this shirt rules cos it makes me look stacked and when i bend over you can see my nipples then fil rushes over to cover me up cos i apparently am a lady all of a sudden?

this is happening sort of near my hood right now, i’ve been hearing a gauntlet of helicopters and firetrucks for the past hour, i’m too lazy and skidly to get on my bike and ride over to check it out, kz has pictures on her blog. she says it’s a 4 alarm fire now! what does that even meeeeeeean? is it like a pot of chili or something?

ok back to sunday…

went to my dad’s to celebrate my niece’s 10th birthday, holy hell i am gettin’ old, i thought i would be 20 forever. anyway, late as usual, decided to drop in at the cheese boutique to get some road snacks, the gardiner was closed we had to take bloor for a long while. in this box are three truffles, 2.99 plus tax each, we almost ate one.

fil bought stinky cheese, i would make a vagina joke here but, uh nevermind, there was a sample table when we walked in and that sealed the deal for fil.

quebec genoa, if you can find yourself some of this DO IT, i like it mild, it is so tasty, get them to slice it super thin, this is five dollar’s worth.

do you know how many ramones comparisons i have been receiving since i was 19 GOD guys shut up already SO original. hailey at least thinks i am the coolest person in the universe.

fil socializing as usual.

peanut butter and jelly truffle, i’m sure a lot tastier the fresher it is.

the white/brown one is double latte, i had a teeny bite it was good, the other one is english toffee, derno what it was like.

we did some soda pop experiments, holy crap disgusting, the final two flavours we invented weren’t too bad. i’m sure her mother will be pleased with that gift haha.

gave her some of my gypsy necklaces, turning her more into me.

the thing my brother is holding was favoured by all, shit got violent, as predicted when i bought it. i’m surprised no one lost an eye.

the most ADD game of operation ever holy crap.

so we hit up the R L and i just realised red lobster has the same initials as Raymi Lauren and i also just realised that maybe my mother drank during her pregnancy, KIDDING.

oh score they’re hiring!

the 45 minute wait is totally responsible for my mini-meltdown wig out, i just got tired of all the old whities’ eyes on me and started panicking about eating greasy buttered seafood and worried i would think myself nauseous and i was overcome with body heat flushness, it happened to me like 4 years ago at home once, i am basically turning into my nana and my grandmother all at once.

we had this entire bar waiting area to ourselves and then it filled up big time and ps. red lobster was my niece’s idea, birthday girl rules. then all of a sudden my nana walks around the corner and i go NANA and my brother burst out laughing then i was like ok guys i have to leave NOW i have no appetite then everyone was focusing on me and all concerned, ugh, so just as i was kissing my niece goodbye our little table electronic coaster lit up so i sucked it up and took half a lorazepam and ordered a brew. i just get overwhelmed, that is the long and short of it.

popcorn shrimp fil and i shared, for as pricey everything is they overload you with salad and bread and your choice of sides. ps. sorry this was so underwhelming i know you guys all hoped my big secret never before experience would be akin to riding a flying unicorn.

the old couple behind my dad in the corner were wearing matching hyper pink/purple windbreakers!

there is no way in hell i could have handled seafood at ten, i don’t think i had my first shrimp til i was like 13.

it is more intense in real life, at least we didn’t go to swiss chalet, no? even though i love swiss chalet.

i’m actually trying to reason with him right now that i will feed him in 1 second so i can hit publish and get this stupid post up.

autumn says i’m so gay for fall

it’s true, fall is my favourite season, i have written many things in my journal about it, all gay, all true. it makes me feel sad and dreamy and sentimental, it’s the shortest season which makes it SO INTENSE. it’s the best time of year for fashion and no i don’t mean your fashion, i mean my fashion, which consists of the same bag lady sweater i’ve had crinkling up on my hanger for years, stupid jeans that don’t fit right, and toques, omg toques. i’m gettin’ pretty tired of all these fuckin’ fashion blogs fyi, yeah yeah we love clothes i get it, but seriously, so frivolous and pointless to write about it all the time, take a relax pill maybe? i’m into finding a few classic cheapie pieces and hangin’ on to the shit out of them for years and rolling down hills of leaves in them, getting dirt all over, twigs in my monster hair and actually enjoying myself. anyway, i am pretty sure this is martha stewart’s favourite time of year as well, i bet she is making a wreath right now in fact and mulling some cider and sewing dancing pumpkins on some wool socks MARTHA I LOVE YOU.

my fall soundtrack consists of led zeppelin and that’s it, zeppelin and longboarding in oakville and my grandma’s house and riding into town or walking into town at nite taking a different route every time and then meeting up with fil at a pub and staring at him like that woman who lied about being kidnapped or whatever that story was about.

i was pretty thin when i met fil which made crazy fall outfits ten times easier, when you have long hair and a big mouth you can essentially wear any old tickle trunk outfit – it’s v hard to pull that off in the heat of summer but i give you props for wearing a scarf and a t-shirt when it’s 28 degrees and when i say props i mean silently guffawing my head off.

fall is for lovers, sears catalogue lovers, THAT is fall.

this is the most selfish time of year for me and i am insanely protective of it i don’t know how to explain it, it’s my last dance before months of stir snow crazy, it’s walks in rattlesnake point, rosy cheeks and sweaty backs under your little jacket. the beginning of hibernation and thoughts of couch surfing and horror films and beers.

oh man don’t get me started on indian summer.

another reason i dig it so much is cos i usually waste summer, as much as i say i am doing summer right, i always do it wrong. fall is summer redux, SWEATER SET VERSION.

fall is vintage, and vintage is nostalgia, and nostalgia is the past and SORRY I CAN’T HELP MYSELF.


not one person guessed it right, and many of you guessed things that i have actually done before like oh, JAZZ (well to be fair you guessed jazzercise) and alicia guessed driving, did that last weekend, and i conveniently left out the part where i drove into a tree BRANCH, twice. and if you delve back into my archives you’d know that cemetery hang-out sessions were a big part of fil and i’s courting days, and i’ve been to medieval times, and chuckee cheese. nope no brazilian wax yet or cn tower elevator ride.

drum roll please


















and i had an anxiety attack there too! wicked!

i am drinking a pumpkin beer right now that i think tastes like hp sauce. sick. my niece told me she loves me like 60 times today, i know, swoon right?


i think i am talking about potato chips here, seriously, au gratin old dutch ghetto nacho cheese all the way and so forth.


i am going somewhere for my very first time ever EVER and if you can guess what this place is you will get a prize. put your guesses in the comments.

my ass isn’t flat in real life, that’s my underwear crampin’ my style.

did you guys see the bob saget roast last nite? it was funny, a little meh, my favourite joke was by that comedian who is always squinting, here it is:


remember i was complaining about my wardrobe?

so alicia invited me over to go through garbage bags full of clothes she and joe had purged, she said bring steph, we walked over yesterday then fil showed up and we all scored big! feels so good.

so these jeans, 28s, fit me, as i was pulling them on i was like thanks guys for sending me into a depression spiral then ta-da fit like a dream. i may need to treat myself to some side crunches but other than that, v pleased.

remember how i was crying about wanting peacock feathers? (what a giant fucking baby right?) anyway, alicia gave me a ton of eccentric crazy lady jewelery, my favourite.

got a little greedy. the smaller bag is fil’s loot.

then our skidly little buddy came over for some brews, jackass, late nite salad and cloverfield (SUCKED)(cloverfield did).

skidfanie could not get over how my ass looks in these jeans.

creepin’ on me behind my back! alicia i hope you don’t regret passing that bag lady sweater on to me.

bacon i baked, fresh parmesan i lovingly grated, tomatoes, cucumber, spinach/arugula carrot mix w/ olive oil and jerk sauce dressing.

cid was being a mental cos we smelled like this cat that wandered into alicia’s place, it lives upstairs and when it shows up alicia holds it captive. such a cute friendly guy.

breakfast with dinky this morning, blazin’ sun, my unshowered scalp/hair was greasin’ up big time.

my tan is almost all gone, i’ll have to do something about that.

they totally burnt my bacon i was pissed, did nothing.


birthday gift for my niece, apparently it’s the toy of the year. i was torn between this kit or the cat experiments kit.

and one of these guys, remember them? there was also a bin of mexican jumping beans on the counter and they were rattling and jumping around. i stopped myself from buying any, i asked how long they last for, dude said til the new year. i’ve bought them before and they did fuck all. he said they probably froze at some point.