cheeseburger in a can keep scrolling.

this is how much of a loser i am. i sat across from GABRIEL BYRNE at fresh by myself today and stared at him 677078 times and wussed out of taking his picture he looked at me a lot too with intrigue perhaps or maybe with stop looking at me eye contact pleading? anyway i took my time collecting all the take out items i ordered so my body was facing him and one of his buddies turns around to look at me (they were checking out everyone there) and i sort of half smile but am too shy to look at gabriel again so i duck out get to the corner of bloor and spadina (on my way for a tan) and notice that MY FLY IS DOWN.

SAME CORNER I NOTICED IT WAS DOWN LAST WEEK WHEN FIL DROPPED ME OFF.

FUCK YOU THE CORNER OF BLOOR AND SPADINA.

if you need me i will be in my loser cave.

to my left was where he was sitting against the wall.

at least i got an old tenner out of it.

and yes the irony is not lost on me that i was at fresh alone in the annex and had to ask a waitress who that guy was that i kept staring at and can you take his picture for me ? no you have to treat them like normal people? ok then. and my voice was sick husky raspy and then when i went for my tan all my food diffused throughout the room and travelled in through the fan at the foot of the bed and blasted me in the hot sweaty face for 8 SUPERbed minutes and i was already hot and flushed feeling from being sick to begin with it almost matched the last time i went where i thought i was going to crap the tanning bed the entire time.

oh and the environmentally sound take-out container containing my dosas decided to totally disintigrate so i had to carry the see-thru plastic bag of food home what looked like a huge bag full of barf.

i am never going outside ever again.

how would YOU feel if your fly was down in front of this guy?

FUCK MY LIFE!

when i got to the tanning salon i looked in the mirror and realised i didn’t look as dweeby as i felt and i bet he would have been charmed by me in some shape or form.

alack, yet another thing i have pussied out of.

me: sigh
is it tuesday?
oh its thursday

me: yes

that’s the fil shrine.

literally 1 minute later:

there were even a few seconds there when we were pretending not to be complete pigs and let the few last bites sit there then came to our senses and wolfed it all down. best calamari ever.

five mintues later:

lookin’ pretty sick ‘n bagged.

halfway:

seven minutes later, only because i had to move closer to fil so i could eat as much as him (which took at least 30 seconds), and it was super hot temperature-wise.

didn’t order a side of rice i am proud of us for that. our bill came to 50 bones (pre-tip), i had a glass of house red and fil had a pint of steamwhistle. next celebration dinner will be spent at either mini or supermarket, instead of somewhere retardedly gauche and we only get to have one thing each.

i prefer skinnier cats fyi. but sometimes life just isn’t fair.

fil is going to murder me when he gets home.i almost had to get up at 5.30am and stay up cos it felt like i was in a swallowing contest by myself trying to swallow my own throat and then the coughing kicked in, i was going to write a blog post about how i am in a movie about sunrises because i am awake before daybreak on the couch because i am sick and blah blah bla then i couldn’t get the word sunrise out of my fucking head and almost mania’d myself fully awake and then cid showed up for the purring feed me olympics where he tries to look like a paraplegic wombat and won’t shut up until i force myself to fall asleep.

one of my internet girlfriends sent me a picture of her new furry jacket and now i want to get out of bed and go to kensington market and get a red eskimo jacket RIGHT NOW I DON’T CARE HOW TERRIBLE I FEEL I NEED TO GO SHOPPING.

i have zero willpower if you send me a picture of basically ANYTHING i will not stop thinking about it until i buy something to make the want go away.

we ate at mini market last nite not at the place i was s-talking about in my last post, i love mini market. the grilled calamari we ate in 1 minute, gone. pictures with time-stamps later.

deborah sent me this get better e-card and i am so pathetic right now i really felt like he cared about me.

who all plans to attend my art party next wednesday feb. 6 at the crooked star (202 ossington ave.) 7.30pm? can you tell me in my comments or email me. maybe i should make another facebook event so i can check it every 2 minutes.

my throat has been hurting, sore chafed feeling since i woke up yesterday, it is fucking with my equilibrium blog wise, i have a few tidbits to share but am too feeling sorry for myself to edge the funny out. dlag9obfrvf. we are going to have a nice meal tonite and i am not going to blog it because they (restaurant) don’t deserve the fucking free advertising ever again they ignored my email linking to the nice post i did on our first dining experience there and i am still bitter about it, and the second time we ate there it was crappy and then i accidentally deleted all of the pictures of our food which made me feel even bitterer.

yeah i’ll blog food pictures anyway because i think about food and eating all the fucking time and i’m sort of a loser.

i have to buy a new rock t-shirt cos i can’t find my queen shirt and it’s bugging me. there are a few affectionate little holes in the back of it upper back area too. it’s probably wedged between two drawers or something. i still want a new rock shirt anyway. weekend motive here i come.

this would happen to me. oh wait i think it probably already has.

i am going to grow my hair down to the back of my knees.

building shit-talk update:

i was just snickering something fierce cos someone’s new fire alarm (we all got them) kept going off, i was hoping it was one of the neighbours on either side of us cos they’re so fussy and uptight and yelly but it wasn’t oh well, it was the nice lady down the hall’s, though i did delight in the fact that the sound of the alarm really got under the skin of the dude who always yells at his ‘ole lady i can hear him yell-talking about it right now through the wall, in fact.

this morning i heard all this wall scraping going on and tried to fight it and get some more sleep then the wind knocked a chair over on the balcony then i heard knocking that i thought was part of the maintenance through the wall (apt. of the yell guy’s) i go back to sleep then am aroused (not the sexy kind) and have to throw on old trusty sweater dress and pop the door open just as the super is excuse me dear we need to come inside and the maintenance dude is on my heels complaining about how he had to go and get the super cos i wouldn’t answer the door the first time (i was sleeping!) and it sounded like maintenance, yes, knocking disguised as maintenance i was trying to ignore because i don’t like strangers.

i was too out of sorts and embarrassed to fire back that i was not fucking informed about the necessity to come into my kitchen to see the other side of the wall you are mangling during my awesome REM cycle where i was flying and partying and other awesome shit i can’t remember. when things happen in this building they type up a memo and stick it in your door the night before.

i also didn’t think to mention that three walls in our condo are falling apart too.

i think i’ll save that one up for when the work is fully completed on the unit (yelling guy’s) next door and the maintenance dudes are long gone, then will have to come back all over again to work on our unit.

ps. i’m not an ungrateful spiteful asshole even though i sound like one 100% of the time, i just like to over-analyze every single observation i ever make, ever, all the time, always, and then some more on top of that, because people are a never-ending vessel of material.

me doing in god’s country, blurry because i didn’t let the camera focus before hitting record. you can still make out my jig and the part where i swallow my hair when chlo surprises me and my signature beer pint twirl. at the beginning i’m telling this guy that he’s in my light and he asks if he can sing with me and i sternly said NO and his girl friend told him to sit down.

today is the last day (up until 11.59pm) to vote for me so do whatever magical thing you gotta do to get me as many more votes as possible.

best blog.

best personal blog.

best humour blog.

and for philogynist:

best photo/art blog.

THANK YOU ONE AND ALL!

last nite was a successful girl date nite with chlo. we met at las iguanas then went to lee’s but had to drink her tallboy when it was discovered in her purse oops no bigs walked around the corner two gulps each (fil helped mostly) then we moseyed on back to lee’s for the dan deacon show with dd/mm/yyyy whatever the fuck that band is called and then some other band (ultimate reality) before that or after i can’t remember they’re all the same thing basically these days and anyway dan deacon was on mushrooms it was funny at first then awkward, he got the crowd to (unsuccessfully) do a dance off which turned into a sweaty mess of a mosh slam dance pit instead, which chlo and i were in the middle of. then he got everyone to make a gauntlet which somehow worked and then he got everyone to repeat everything he said, every stupid sound and noise that’s when it was time to go. it was a really good show though, majority of the time spent dogging the entire scene, of course. i said i would go up to the next person i saw wearing a scarf and a t-shirt and ask if their neck was cold but their arms weren’t, but only if i was belligerent enough, which i wasn’t. some day.

deacon got everyone to point their finger in the air, oh, the magic of shrooms.

we went to catch some ‘roake fil went home and broszkowski and ben showed up and bought nachos for all AND potato skins i was feeling really good and skinny all nite long until that part. oh well. i sang in god’s country and chlo danced up behind me and it scared me i went AHH mid-hair flip and all my hair got in my mouth when i yelped and i choked on it but still tried to sing anyway, video to come. i also felt like doing a nice little jig halfway through and i also successfully did my pint glass twirl while singing.

creepiest smile why i don’t smile.

skinny posin’

trying to emulate chlo’s skinny stance she learned from antm.

d man. i need to start integrating jogging pants into my outfits.

i felt pretty special cos this lion was staring at me all nite long then matt said yeah he was staring at me too and i was all the way on the other side of the room!

hard to get my flash to take to his mask with a bunch of kids absorbing it with their technicolour outfits all in the way.

like so.

the other guy had a siberian tiger mask on.

totally safe looking mushrooms show prop.

next time, i would like a hallucinogenics head’s up thank you.

here i am as disco raymi by kyra.

+++

find alana

Alana Livas was abducted by her parents- Peter and Vivene Livas- on Nov 29, 2007. She suffers from a rare disease called rickets- resulting from severe malnutrition. I am her aunt, Jean Chin. Please help me find her and bring her home.

Alana is 5 years old and has a distinctive blue birthmark beside her right eye. It may be obscured by her hair. Depending on the regression of her rickets, she may be noticeably bow legged or walking with a limp. She was abducted in Canada but it is possible that that she was taken out of the country. Please contact Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477 or www.222tips.com if you have any information.

because i gather that some of you quite enjoy hearing about all the goings-on of this party building we live in, here is an update.

garbage chute guy threw out some garbage last nite around 8 o’clock and the sound of the metal door slamming shut caused a knee-jerk reaction of rage to go through me, so it doesn’t matter what time of day garbage is “chuted” i want to murder the universe when i hear that sound. since i last wrote about him, as far as i know he hasn’t been late-nite tossing. i suspect he might be saving it up for nearer the weekend to spread out. i also noticed he has a subscription to a newspaper which makes me wonder two things, 1. who brings it to his door and 2. anyone who has a newspaper subscription must be lazier than i am, not have the internet, and also a hermit to which i initially assumed as much.

i also feel his eyes on me through the peephole when i walk by his door to go down to the laundry room, i realize how neurotic this sounds and i don’t care. when fil and i go out on the town i commonly take pictures of myself in the hallway mirror which he has a prime view of and if i am nosy and bored enough to sometimes spy on whoever i hear cruising around our floor, and this guy no doubt has lived here longer than us, he sure as hell is doing it too. i also take the stairs down on his side of the floor cos i double check the floor when i leave to make sure cid didn’t escape and i am too embarrassed to walk back to our stairwell.

so i just did some laundry i went down to fold it and noticed that someone had put in 2 more quarters into my dryer that i KNOW based on the kitchen timer my dry cycle would have been completed, should have been completed what the hell? someone is an idiot or trying to shrink all my clothes.

turned out it was a mixed blessing cos i am trying to shrink this sweater i bought fil that he doesn’t wear cos it is too itchy, i want to wear it out tonite to spite him. despite the venue we will be attending tonite having the climate not dissimilar to a fucking sauna in the middle of a rain forest in august, or a subway in august.

stay tuned for a little anecdote about how neurotic i feel when i visit the lcbo.

oh and around 10 some fire alarm technicians visited to replace our detector and i was napping with cid and had to throw on my sweater house dress and let them in and felt all panic and early morning frantic, i went to the power bar by the desk to flick it on i was crouched down beneath the glass and stood up really fast and caught my left shoulder beneath it and it scraped my skin and REALLY HURT but i couldn’t freak out about it cos a ncie lady was standing in our hallway supervising the technician so he wouldn’t rape and steal from me i guess.

update: garbage chute guy is whistling!