i need a camera badly, i feel like a useless chump without one. fil sent a link to the new pentax but there isn’t a release date for it yet. FUCK.

one of my favourite pleasures is ripping my lip skin off with my teeth then drinking red wine and having the newly exposed cracks in my lips stain dark red almost black and then waking up the next morning with scumbag vagabond lips. secretly tearing off my fingernails at a bar and letting them fall to the floor while admittedly so seems bad, it is mostly orgasmic. i know you guys don’t like me anymore anyways so i am bringing on the disgusting. i am an artist and i have small fingers and hands so i am allowed to do anything i want. it sounds awful when you read it in words but when you see me in action it is almost beautiful like poetry as blood delicately seeps out of my hangnail wounds and i suck it away while you tell me about the canon you are taking apart and putting back together again with tiny screwdrivers.

after we lost the game last nite i said using the alphabet lets think of worse things that could happen right now to make us even more depressed:

butt rape
dick severing

and so on

before that we did band names with adding cid into it:

backstreet cid
counting cids
dresden cid
franz cidinand
cidface killah
cid rollins band

for R i said rancid haha yes we don’t have friends.

so yesterday was fun and tiring 12+ hours of wearing my heels in a fucking throwback to in living colour fly girls outfit, nothing like what it was originally to be. sorry no pictures yet. i lost a few pounds too i think standing around all day and dancing and twirling with a boa and other crap. we had to do these fake shots for one scene and they used watered down coke so nasty, 1 part coke 30 parts water basically. i had the whoriest make-up like homer’s make-up shotgun hit me in the face and i went out with it all on to the bar and felt like a cad whatever my life has no meaning anyway. there were a ton of old dudes crashed out on couches snoring during breaks, men don’t last very long at all. this is the movie by the way, a lot of that trailer is not the actual footage the movie is way better than i originally thought. basically all day i stood on a stage in this bar around keele/dundas in front of this band and acted like i was having a lot of fucking fun. i think you will see me a lot in that scene, we’ll see. they will prolly specifically edit me out of every shot now that i said that. lise if you were there yesterday your heart would have broken fifty times cos of all the old men in bunny suits so weepy so sweet sigh.

they tried to make me go to rehab

The problem with communists is they act like bossy know-it-alls in a country where nobody has any power and information is banned.

How about these stupid fucking trust fund kids with the communist star on their hats? Dude, you are so full of shit your fucking diapers are jealous.

oh man i love making fun of people where to begin? don’t think i forgot to tell you about that super annoying girl from the other nite, i have seen her TWICE since i’m hoping she will be a regular feature on my blog she has some sort of communist insignia on her jacket and she couldn’t be more plain jane canadian if a fucking bucket of maple syrup landed on her head. the reason she sucked so hard is cos the entire time at the bar last tuesday while fil and i were trying to watch the leaf game she was yell talking and pounding pints with her dude friend whom she clearly wants to be her boyfriend and you know he is not feeling it, she shit talked EVERY SINGLE GIRL SHE KNOWS INCLUDING DUDE’S GIRLFRIEND, not to be mean but she wasn’t the hottest nor the skinniest so obvs. there’s some insecurity at bay that’s fine but do you have yell your bullshit opinions to everyone on a quiet nite?

originally we were right beside her but this dude moved so i made us move further away no matter cos i could still hear everything she said one gem was I REALLY HATE THAT FUCKING CUNT BUT I RESPECT HER TOTALLY I MEAN I FUCKING HATE HER SO MUCH BUT I RESPECT HER. um, hate and respect in the same sentence no sorry you are confusing ENVY with hate, the end. you can’t hate and respect someone, respect means admiration and admiration means like, basically you HATE that you LIKE her and are jealous. this chick talked non-stop and when we scored dude tried to look at the tv for two seconds and she said OH FUCK OFF DON’T LOOK AT THE HOCKEY GAME WHILE I AM TALKING TO YOU! holy demanding and needy! it was obvious that everyone around her was super annoyed too.

so then she gets to shit talking this guy’s girlfriend and he’s drinking so much cos he can’t stand this talklor so he’s just agreeing with her so she shuts up, she used the word ACTUALLY a lot. then she listed off all these girls she works with and how much she despises them and how they get better treatment or benefits than she does. uh maybe it’s cos they don’t spend the majority of their time complaining you fucking basement troll! i got the feeling if i sat beside her and made some sort of joke then went away she would immediately say something nasty about me, she was that type.

anyway on wednesday i saw her when i was on my walk but she went north on avenue so i couldn’t follow her, and she was wearing the same thing as the nite before. oh when we were leaving the bar she was ahead of us with that dude and i heard her ask him if he was going home to bed ie: can i come home and convince you to cuddlefuck me.

last nite i saw her at the bar again so i am pretty excited to learn it is her new locale. she was with three others and was totally trying to domincate all coversation and as they were heading in from their smoke she goes WELL THAT’S WHY I SWITCHED FROM LAWYER TO…


this blow is awesome


jeff got my justin timberlake cd.

hey raymi,

thanks for my prize package.

it totally felt like the episode of the brady bunch where the little
one pretends to know joe namath and all his friends think he’s full
of shit, but then joe shoes up at the brady house and little bobby
was all…suck on it.

yes it was just like that.

i wrote it about it on my blog. go read it.

lauren raymi woke up this morning at 2:30 to brush her teeth because she thought it was time to go to the shoot. i lay in bed shrouded in sleep fog wondering what the fuck she was doing what with her call time of 6:00 and the alarm being set for 5:00 and the rest of my sleep was completely wrecked.

mmm… calamari…

she tried to explain over the phone this morning but i’m still not sure what was going on.

raymi is busy shaking her shit in slutty clothing in front of the camera for your future viewing pleasure so i‘m driving the boat today.

anyway, she reports that things are going well and what did she say, oh yeah, lots of douchebags are s l o w l y driving by the set and leering at all the girls. well what do you expect, i say. i know i’d be doing the same thing (strictly to see my own girlfriend obvs).

so i’m going to go eat like a fucking pig on queen street now (after putting back a good 70 grams of tim hortons breakfast sandwich grease this morning i might as well go whole hog) and score a bunch of concert tickets.

this is so the hottest destination for march break this year.

we are going to go camera shopping tonite maybe so i can have a camera tomorrow to take pictures of sluts and freaks and whoever else. i am in a way better mood than i was this morning. i went for a long walk and bought some underwear for tomorrow’s filming they’re those new la senza underwears that are futuristicly soft and they are aqua i had to find something in the blue family, the wardrobe chick has some sort of halter for me in various blues, she sounds nice, her friend was a burlesque dancer in the 80s so she has a ton of outfits.

i bought this nice skirt and jumper and shirt from h&m the jumper is something cory kennedy would wear i swear h&m designers sit down and say WOULDCORYWEARTHIS WCWT or WHATWOULDCORYDO? ok that’s gay please don’t let that catch on. i didn’t have a depression spiral in the changeroom cos clothes fit me better now i lost ten pounds for anyone who cares.

i also bought a book from indigo I WAS HOWARD HUGHES there’s going to be a lot of time to kill between filming le sigh. i could tell that afternoon at indigo is prime sleaze time i could feel eyeballs all over me please leave me alone so i can browse the under $5 table. i totally saw this guy pretend to be looking at leftover valentines bath oils and beads while checking out this chick’s boobs and ass and every other vagina that walked by and he saw me see him hiding behind this pillar so he went somewhere else to spy. WHY ARE MEN GROSS? please tell me if you have ever pretended to be invisible in a bookstore on your lunchbreak to look at girls thank you.

before i went out i tried on all my blue underwear and felt like a pasty veiny cow and now i can feel like that in new underwear i may as well NOT be on the colour spectrum. i didn’t buy a robe i’m just going to hang out in my funeral dress between filming and ten hundred other things i plan to bring. here is a howard hughes quote:

I was not nearly as interested in people as i should have been.

and here is a nice email NOT from howard hughes:

i hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience. I plan to say nice things about you. The other day my boyfriend was talking about the killers and how he would not want to see them live with me because I just make fun of their music. But I said no I would enjoy it because the lead singer looks like raymi’s boyfriend. And he was like “oh yeah RAYMI” like making fun of me because he doesn’t know who you are. But I did some research and I don’t know how I got that into my head, the lead singer really doesnt look like phil, except maybe in this picture?

I liked him better when I thought he looked like phil.

This is going to sound whiny because it is whiny but it has a point. I’ve been having a really rough time lately because my best friend dropped off the face of the earth and I’m all lonely and making bad decisions about everything BUT reading your blog cheers me up a lot, especially when I see that you have very kindly kept a link to my blog, which I really dont write on anymore since too many people I don’t like know it’s mine. Like when you were writing for a while about how you had no friends? I was just thinking in my head “what is she talking about she has tons of friends what she is saying CANNOT BE TRUE” but it made me feel better about my own rather friendless

Also, I’ve been trying to figure out about how to express this but I was so impressed when I first found your blog, I was just like holy shit this is the coolest girl ever because of your stylistic choices, linguistically I mean. And now that I’ve read it more I feel like the way you write has had a big impact on the way I think about things AS THOUGH I was writing them. I’m sure you know what I’m mean, like if you’re out at a concert and things are going on, and you start writing a blog/journal entry in your head while it is going on, or shortly after it has happened?

I was out at a concert and I went on this rant about how I hated girls trying to get up to the front of the stage by doing that simpering “i’m a girl and you are a bunch of guys so you should let me in there” which is not really a set of behaviors but more like a whole aura/attitude while they are jamming themselves inbetween other people trying to look kind of snobby but cute. Then there were guys trying to jump in front of people like big lumps of bad manners, pretending that they were just SO INTO THE MUSIC that they were only accidentally pushing tons of people out of the way and getting closer to the stage.

The whole thing was really inspiring, it made me want to go home and write on the blog I can’t write on but then I realized that I was basically really excited about posting a you-ripoff, which I had started composing in my head. So that makes me feel lame and dumb but I think ultimately it’s a compliment because you are obviously a
powerful writer if you can shape the way anyone thinks. This email will be longer and gayer if I don’t stop myself here so anyway