you know what? fuck underpants man! i totally forgot how awesome it is to not wear those stupid things. rowf! Also, i’m also wearing the same two outfits every other day and listening to the same awful song over and over.

What do you call something that’s big and red and eats rocks?

a big red rock eater!


if that line doesn’t get me laid tonite, i dunno what will. seriously.

tonite is fraud club. haven’t been there in awhile. meh.

hokey sales pitch-thing. i have about 40 hot hot hot black ‘n whites for sale. nude-o-rama. blown up to whatever size you want, framed or not. signed, surely. whatever. lemme know if you wanna see more. serious mo’fo’s only.

i will pay someone four dollars if they come over and clean up my room, do my laundry, do my hair, tell me i’m pretty and then get me some soda.

i have these Ferrous Gluconate iron pills but i haven’t been taking them consistently enough so on the days i remember i take a handful and then everything gets all weird.

i wore a t-shirt dress yesterday. this bigass white thing i got from art system and i wore long johns and my barbarella boots and i walked in slow motion through the snow all the way to the supermarket whereupon i bought blackberries and hair-dye and greek salad.

i put lipstick all over my body at my friend’s place of employment last nite after a few beers and i got it all over the place and i tried to wipe it off but it still says cocktease and cunt and bitch on my arms and legs. i am deliberating whether or not i should post the pictures.

maybe i will.

i told my roommates to drink all the milk while i was away and they didn’t so we have two rancid bags of 2 per cent just sitting there. i think i might throw one over the backyard fence into the alley.

Let’s play strip poker and both lose!

yes it’s true. i am taking over the world.

we love naked people lying down in tables of red wine and people jumping thru drywall and stealing art smashing lightbulbs and people asking me to have sex with them and paying coolhandluke to show them his dink and me wearing underwear and cutting in front of groups of people in line for the bathroom to fill up my beer can with water and on and on and a snotty girl asking if i slept with the her sister’s ex-boyfriend and walking around saying i’m a go go dancer but really i am just walking around on drugs. yarrr!

go to Art System tonite. i’m go go dancing with coolhandluke. people will be smashing up crappy art and drinking beers and there’s a party room. fritz the cat is playing dj or something. i got all these press releases but they were too confusing to read. just go.

today it was all about fat and disgusting food booze and then a strip club tour ouf the city all before 5pm. wheee! i’ve seen enough cottage cheese thighs to last me a lifetime. yes. i. have.


Dear Raymi,

Do you have something against girls, especially me. I think you are

insulting all those female to get them upset.

I think you are a drunk, fucking Asshole, and I’ve read your story,

How to be a Drunk Asshole. At least that story didn’t insult anyone.



Um what exactly have i said to insult women?

and yes, i make it my personal goal, each and everyday to

talk shit about my own gender. in fact, i have so much feminine guilt i think i want to get a penis.

dont be stupid please.


all my html link tags were stripped somehow so links on the lefthand sidebar thingy dont work. go to my archives if you are mega desperate to see what those links are all about. they work.

When people are desperate for my attention…

raymi: aim is for homosexual americans. i use msn. all or nothing. u nigger.

nigger: i wasn’t asking for your opinion, i’ll give it to you… nigger forgives you for being female out loud

raymi: you are only speaking to me becuz u want me to link you and get you a million hits

nigger: cunt, the only thing linking u to me is your penchant for flapping your fucking gingivitis gums in my email.. count to 8..when u get to ****nigger, shut your fucking silly hole.

raymi: you are hostile. i don’t even know why you are emailing me.

nigger: 1. i am ****nigger 2. you are a dumb bitch 3. you don’t know a lot of things 4. these facts will most likely never change

raymi: your audacity is just too much

nigger: if it was just enough, i would be prettygoodnigger

raymi: what a joke

nigger: if you were a joke, you’d at least have a punchline.. don’t give yourself that much credit..

raymi: im better than you

nigger: you sure u wanna make that public?

raymi: i think they already know

nigger: cunt.. didn’t i just say that

he was indian and i was wearing a hat and that’s why i think we were searched at customs and then i was complimented on my hat and i treated myself to a vodka tonic with lemon and 4 packages of peanuts and read the onion and accidentally clicked my flight attendant assistance button a few times and the girl asked me if i had tobacco or alcohol to declare and i said only 5 cigarettes and some booze in my belly and she didn’t even smile. i asked if they took foodstamps when i had to pay the flight-rescheduling penalty. we almost got in a car accident and flew off the bridge. i was eating chips and jamie just went, unnnngh, woah. then we laughed and looked at each other in that, “oh my god we almost died” sorta way. i made a new special friend who is a real-life spy. he has two neurotic cats and eats healthy food. if raymi turns all soft on ya’ll, blame it on the spy. i hope i didn’t forget my toothbrush. i hope jamie’s roof doesn’t collapse. i hope the rest of my check clears tomorrow and the other one won’t bounce again. i hope i get a limousine.