he was indian and i was wearing a hat and that’s why i think we were searched at customs and then i was complimented on my hat and i treated myself to a vodka tonic with lemon and 4 packages of peanuts and read the onion and accidentally clicked my flight attendant assistance button a few times and the girl asked me if i had tobacco or alcohol to declare and i said only 5 cigarettes and some booze in my belly and she didn’t even smile. i asked if they took foodstamps when i had to pay the flight-rescheduling penalty. we almost got in a car accident and flew off the bridge. i was eating chips and jamie just went, unnnngh, woah. then we laughed and looked at each other in that, “oh my god we almost died” sorta way. i made a new special friend who is a real-life spy. he has two neurotic cats and eats healthy food. if raymi turns all soft on ya’ll, blame it on the spy. i hope i didn’t forget my toothbrush. i hope jamie’s roof doesn’t collapse. i hope the rest of my check clears tomorrow and the other one won’t bounce again. i hope i get a limousine.