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January 24, 2015

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Hey guys. Sorry for sounding like an idiot yesterday. I am only apologizing for yesterday and not for any other day I was an idiot, take what you can get.

Jules came over and my other friend came over and we were blabberfaces seriously non-stop from the moment she walked in til the moment she left I don’t even recall if I took a breath once holy hyperactive. When friend 3 arrived with some Coronas it was all over from that point. Yeah yeah I drank. It sucks when social things appear and all you want is beer. The upside is I am a wastecase after only one and there is no chance in Hell I can go back to drinking like I used to. It’s out of my system again so I doubt I’ll drink again for at least 2 more weeks yet. Yes. Two whole new weeks of boozefree day ___ status updates that make you want to rip your (or my) hair out! Don’t like it don’t read it ya silly goose. If you can’t stand me anymore, why are you here still ding dong? Something Little Raymis have been wondering for more than a decade now.

Be enthralled that I blog here at all anymore cos I don’t want to be wasting precious ello moments responding to people I don’t know with smiley faces and “I know right’s” I was worried I blew it by mentioning it too much cos the follow numbers started slowing down yesterday and leveling off but I guess people need to sleep at some point no.

You know when you see your out of town friend when they’re in town and then that’s it? You did your friend duty? But then you hang and you both agree you need to do that again before they leave? That is known as a friendship success!

No matter the 8 year age difference between us we are exactly the same maturity level. I’m gonna have to make some new younger friends from the mall food court once she leaves ew how creepy is that haha. See how profile pics have a weird grey line down the side of my photos? That’s fom my phone. Time to start using my real camera. Habits are hard to break.

This Kid Rock looking guy who was serenading Emma’s last night chose ME to stare and fixate on during his whole set, I mean, bubbly loud Jules certainly helped with that but I was like at the point of fullblown conceit from the attention and needed to check out my face situation. I think Kid Rock likes girls in long hair with hats. Guys are pretty simple like that.

It would be nice if that mirror was clean and the garbage wasn’t there.

I don’t know what it is but sometimes I really enjoy looking melancholy. Except for when I truly AM melancholy I do not like the world to know at all.

This is my I’m a big masculine looking stud face. You know you would. Make use of what the good Lord gave ya.

Almost killed myself yesterday from eating an undercooked egg. The soft boiling of an egg is a delicate procedure when you are a Raymi Lauren.

I have the face of a villain. I am destined to play one someday. I was cast as Scrooge when I was in elem school. I play a good yelly boss asshole type everyone who knows me and can’t stand my bitchy shrill voice IRL would agree. I think that’s why I’m a born leader because I can project my voice and out bulldog someone else who is also an alpha. When I hear stories about people not sticking up for themselves because they have nice gentle shy meek voices it makes my blood boil like I need to fiercely fight their battle for them and get them what they want/deserve out of life because some tyrant or other is taking advantage.

At 5am I had a jerk chicken bathroom issue. Normally my body metabolizes and proces spice better but not this time. I think with beer nothing sticks to you it’s all fire and reckoning ahh gadd that sucked haha.

I kept saying omg doesn’t it look like me at first glance. No one agreed once but it didn’t stop me from pointing it out ten more times at least more like yeah I wish I looked like that. Being a mature adult person is being able to admit that you are not the hottest. That’s why when I lived in Holland one of my favourite shows was HOTTER THAN MY DAUGHTER. Gahah can you believe that, what an awful mother right however, the concept was the daughters actually dress like garbage trash slobs which automatically make the moms hotter. Sometimes though it gets a little Maury Povich. Dutch sister would have to translate for me the whole time though.

I made fun of Jules’ busted docs and she made fun of mine. Fair is fair.

She put on all my hats, looked like Chef Boyardee and woke up like that with her curls.

My thumbnail is torn off now. Back to the drawingboard.

I don’t think I posted this normal version one yet there enjoy.

This was the day those nails went to shit.

This was the day I gave Erykah Badu a run for the money.

Back to innapropes! God I need a life. No wait I have one it’s sepdning time hunched over a laptop curating pop culture insanity.

Just weighed myself on my home scale and am lighter than have ever seen. The scale at my place and my bf’s has a differnce of ten pounds.

Okay I am tired of this now. Jared’s coming over today for a Boylord afternoon.

This is how I typically look before instagram filtration has its way with me.

See you around cool guys!

Love this song right now.

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January 23, 2015

HI I’m blowing up on Ello that is all! Hard work pays off! When you sign up for ello I’m one of the suggested profiles to follow. I hope this gets me hired somewhere. I only talk about it incessantly because it FEELS GOOD BRUH. Like this tiny pocket of glitter and sprinkles and smiling faces at you when everyone else is so what these people are like GIVE ME MORE. New audience! Dutch ex bf said if I hit over 10,000 that’s when things happen. Product seeding? F yeah! Here is how I won the internet a little,

Open up say awwwwwww!

Also I am still body obsessed working out. In one month you will see why.

Jules is over too!


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January 22, 2015

Hi! If you’re going to learn anything from this post I’ll just put it at the top right here right now and it is that sweet lavender nailpolish works.

If you want to be a dirtbag princess like me you can get it at walmart right now for like, 2.97 and in the states it’s probably like 4 cents.

Sorry for such a typical cold open like that. Sorry for saying sorry when I’m not sorry. This is what I am listening to right now fyi.

Beautiful. Listen to this entire song it gets soooo dreamy.

I had an Unagi accident. I was eating out the inside of an unagi roll because I am not eating carbs right now and it all cascaded onto my booth seat, bounced off then onto the floor. I at least got the majority of the unagi, it was just the teeny matchstick cucumber pieces and I found it to be hilarious!!! We were celebrating last night so I had some dranks. I’ve been being VERY GOOD with my diet and exercise so I felt cool to just let loose one more time before it’s officially an entire month of severe restrictions and no cheating with candy or giggle water. All these defensive waste of time explanations when I could just be writing funny fucking stuff instead fine then I will life is short, the time is now. Cue this song!

I don’t know about you but I am inspired a fact’s a fact!

He had this I did not because I am the shit!

I may not have blond hair anymore but my hands can still scream Barbie. The thumb nail of this hand is the only long nail that survived my week of black nailpolish and working for the man with my hands. All that cold air and not wearing gloves dried my hands out. I am going for a tan today because my makeup is darker than my body now and I am sick of being made fun of it from my frigface bf haha plus I like playing with God (tanning booths) and looking like a tanned Cheetah woman, Cameron Diaz in the Counselor. Vain people like to tan that’s just the way it is. My nana is 82 and still dyes her hair and does her makeup, so there you go beauty product customer for life.

See? Ew winter. I look like an extra in a war film eastern Europe anywhere. I have a really big mouth today.

I did this one especially for you guys because this is my level of caring/fucks to give. I kind of give some fucks because I actually thought of you guys outside of blogging IRL with intention to make you laugh/ridicule me. I feel like there should be a study, ode, essay, what have you to those who rock the unsexy black sock. Right? Like it should be a sketch. I don’t know there’s just something there, that’s all. Oh and my underwear says live for the night, which is also funny for some reason because club skanks were in mind when they made it most likely not serious guys like me no sirree!

Car wash. The wait was non-existent so I allowed for this to occur. Yes. Allowed. I am a princess, admittedly. Though after being on the road for 3 days straight I kind of had enough. Think about it, you have to pee, you are already breaking your diet and mowing down on candy so close to getting home and then someone has a car wash brainstorm. Cool thanks yeah lets spend more time in the car in fact, sure! We totally drove each other mental thank god for leading independent lives am I right people hahaha.

Oh yeah it’s TBT. I am 26 here at a choose your own adventure life juncture, I don’t know how many people have that occur to them where they choose to keep building something or abandon ship. Anyway I am fine with it. Having photos of my entire life detailing it is pretty crazy though and thanks to this Throwback thing I can continue looking back and bumping around from period to period.

Pesonally it’s powerful because there are so many things I could say.

There are a lot of differences in me now than who I was then. Take Walmart for instance. I go there now. Yeah they’re evil and gross but I don’t see the need to take a giant fucking stand against it if someone goes. A lot of hipsters secretly go to Walmart in Toronto. It’s OK but yeah, talk about 180 there eh I have completely changed as an individual alright.

It starts off innocently with sashimi, “healthy” fish but then degenerates into so many courses of meat. All you can eat can’t be beat.

Curry shrimp is a must order.

The girl tried to tell me the small sake was 18.95 and I didn’t want to bully her and say that’s not possible. She did not speak English. So I ordered that stupid kamikaze. She came back and said she was wrong and the sake was 4 bucks, I was like NO REALLY!?!?! (jk I was chill) so we shared some. That is the end of the story.

I may patronize Walmart but it doesn’t mean I am going to behave there. Once, we saw a goddamn turd on the ground at walmart ugh, some of society’s dregs end up there and crap on the floor nice!

My eggs are almost ready I am going to have to pause this exceptional post v soon. I like them soft, if they wait too long it’s a nightmare.

Yesterday’s face.

Yesterday’s definition and tomorrow I’ll post the full size shots of these because I am too lazy to bother uploading more to flickr at the moment.

Dinner from the night before.

Fun times.

Custom Raymi stairs are pretty swell.

Jails are scary.

Girl life tip. If for whatever reason you can’t or don’t do pretty one day, do tomboy instead.

Chippawa! I’ve seen Chippawa appear in my stats before and now I know what it looks like. There’s going to be another blog post almost exactly like this one coming up next I just selected a bunch oh phone shots to use. I don’t know why blogging seems to take a lot longer than it used to for me. You get slower as you age. More interruptions.

I am kinda over pho. I love it buuuuut. Is it not just a big bowl of sodium?

I find that food restriction makes me super food obsessed and to help cope I just heavily pay attention to food all around me, looking at it is a way to get it out of my system and add to a fantasy hit list of future things to do/eat. Take beer and KFC for example, when that newsbomb first hit we were all like whaaaaaaat!? Then swiftly forgot all about it, then I found one and it’s like the holy grail feels like. Plus it was empty attached to this wave of the future commercial development plaza thing, kind of sad kind of like outerspace awesome. The future is concrete!

Still gotta post all these guys too! I still haven’t even posted Shannon’s Halloween party pics I hate myself wahhhhhhhh bye.

ps. I ello, check it out. The numbers have surpassed 1200 now wowee zowee.

update: my ello profile is one of the official siggested selections of ello!!!!!! that’s why my numbers go up. now I have to ello even more now.

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Heard you had nothing else going on for the next 14 seconds so enjoy whatever this is. It’s a hybrid of dancexercises. Do what you gotta do!

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January 20, 2015


On the road again today so no time to write long-winded garbage about myself at the moment unfortunately, IOU. It’s minus eleven today so dress warm. These newdies (above) are from last week and I am significantly more chiseled this week. I have a month to be cut. I don’t know if I mentioned that yet I probably did.

Have a nice day!!!!

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January 19, 2015

Not saying that I’m a ninja but I WILL scale a wall.

To be continued. Gotta go xo.

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January 16, 2015


So, granted, yesterday I threw a gossip grenade into my blog, created a “crisis” drama and boom goes the dynamite it worked. I’ll be sure to mention yesterday next month at my social media talk. So many old fans and friends came out of the woodwork, it was pretty great. One guy was like part of me hopes you are just trolling us that is genius! Should have thought of that years ago! Remind me to do a seminar on trolling. Thank$.

Here is one of my notes on YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA GAME I may as well do a note to self right here right meow I don’t see why not? I want to write it down before I lose it, then we can get back to talking about yesterday.

So, you see how I partake in a lot of tomfoolery, “different” avenues, show a little skin, say wild and grandiose things (it’s in my nature, sorry about that), go bowling, talk in length about food and my body and weight issues, drinking, drying up etc.. and lets see now if you are trying to get your own social media game on.

Now, would it be silly if as a real estate agent, for example, with a twitter account (tied to your blog) if you tweeted about an improv group you joined pehaps, or showed your clipper ship set progress and maybe shared your political views which your territory might all be in favour of… no, not all fun and games gets us paid or laid BUT it actually can.

Showing that other dimension to your character, your persona, as a needle in a stack of real estate agent needles is KEY in getting ahead. P-e-r-s-o-n-a-l-i-t-y dudes. Stand out in the crowd. Look good. Don’t like it? Then why are you in the business of selling houses, all elements require good looks in taste, aesthetics, and appeal. Aside from image, we want personality.

Yesterday I went for a screen test, and it was my personality that won them over above all else. Secondary to that, my looks. As in my body. They loved my personality so much they want more of it. “You’re attractive and engaging and I knew that after meeting you for only a few minutes. You have the same presence on camera, as is indicated in your screen test. This is a huge plus and a real draw for us.”

When America’s Next Top Model had the season where they wanted to get America’s Next Top Branded Model, they wanted it all. They wanted all the work done for them and that is what social media game is. Just because my numbers aren’t sky high doesn’t mean I am a failure. half my audience silently lurks me and always will. And soon I will be exposed to a vast network because of my sexy stepping stones and overall comfort in being exactly who I am.

Anyway I will elaborate more on this for the talk I just needed to get the beginnings started then I have to write my bio so they can start promoting it. I have written a bio for myself so many times it deseves its own book.

Oh yeah! A girl I interviewed for Playboy before was in the office I went to yesterday and I was starstruck. It was a sign for sure. When she heard Raymi the Minx she goes YOU’RE RAYMI THE MINX! Marches in and we shook hands. She is a force to be reckoned with, mad respect.

So, being surrounded by large and in charge bitches is going to do well for me. I only feel more empowered moving forward now. My good friend told me to get out of my comfort zone a couple weeks ago and I could not stop thinking about that because no, I do not want to leave the comfort zone ever because I have fucking had enough but we all know I’m not done fighting yet and I haven’t accomplished half the shit I’ve set out to either.

I was also elated to see how not old I looked on camera too. I am a lot healthier than I was when I was on MTV and my hair does not look all fucked up either.

Here is an amazing email I received yesterday from my gay bestie drag Raymi the Minx:

yes…. if not now, then when…. it’s also a Tracy Chapman song that says that. Look it up!

Your rant on MTV is perfect…. sometimes I think I should try to get on 1 Girl 5 Gays, but all gay comedians in Canada are trying that, and I hate that show….. live viciously by your own standards and the success will follow.

The speed at which someone gets famous is the same in which they become unfamous. (maybe) Be a slow burning candle! But also a slow burning candle that puts themselves out there. If I have to wait until I’m 45 until i have my own sketch comedy show that runs 3 seasons…. who cares? U know what to do!

Post more nudes! Ur hot! It’s your obligation!

Maroon 5 Is The Worst!

OMG I love him I’m so happy. Have a wonderful Friday everyone see you on facebook or twitter and instagram byeeeeeeeee.

These are for fun stills and not how I “really” looked on camera. I’m so glad I went for that tan holy crap.

Kathleen finally for her art! She is awesome love her.

I like biking too you know.

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