Baking, but make it fashion. No. But make it Raymi.
Hey there all, welcome back to another long-awaited blog post.
Weeks ago, I dressed like that and went to vChef Paper Baking Molds to pick up supplies for a little baking project I had cooked up. I just needed another RTM fungasm in the pan. I guess I just wanted to get baked with Sam (vChef owner). No more puns, I swear.
I’m holding the brown Tulip baking cup here which essentially is the go-to fancy cupcake paper mold you’ve seen around town once gourmet cupcakes came into trend. I like them because people’s fingers don’t get all over your cupcake, organic, cute, and they don’t mess up your baking tin.
They have plenty other decadent products to choose from as well fyi but today we’re just focusing on the cups and loaf molds which I like a hella lot ‘cos the pattern reminds me of LV.
If you’re a baker it makes for a great gift, no? Take your lemon loaf to go bro, I got u. On a budget? No problem, muffins for all!
So on the weekend we got to it. Also, my bf’s bday was afoot so this took care of that, pa-pow.
How hard could it be? Based on the fact I haven’t baked a thing since I was 19… I cook yeah, but baking is a whole other thing. The directions on the boxes are idiot-proof. I only forgot a whole cup of water once though which was as funny as it was perplexing when the mixer was trying to make the dry-ass powder all stick together based on 2 eggs only. Always read the instructions. I am a hyper-hypo with zero patience so, you can imagine what that is like.
Thankfully I had a sous-chef which isn’t called that in baking-world, an apprentice? Okay we get it. He was like did you forget the water? (once we got to the lemon poppy seed loaf) yes I did oops here lol.
So, did you know how sticky cake batter is? I did not. What a mess. This is where my patience first blew a gasket.
Here we go…
I did an edibles weed scientist cooking course on the weekend prior (9am-7pm!!) as it so happens so armed with that (now I am certified, I passed my exam!) knowledge, we wanted to make a few green cupcakes to see how that would go. I got a couple to-go oils for cooking infusions thanks to Cannabis Cooking Club, 7Acres, and Supreme holla at yer girl any time. My mom said the cupcakes were strong. Yeah right lol.
They weren’t rounded like muffins or cupcakes should look because we opened the stove a million times to check on them. Amateurs. No worries, the icing hides all of that ugly!
The lemon loaves turned out normal, success! Also added a couple scoops of some healthy powder stuff I have no idea but “it’s expensive” lol.
While the cupcakes cooled we went for a hike in the minus 12 weather cos we crazy like that.
The sun came out eventually made it less chilly but still those winds, my face got windburn. I wore snowpants and my huge jacket. I have no idea how I ever handled winter before in all the dumb little jackets I’d wear, never again unless I am going to a night club or whatever.
This was a decently-long hike we even walked all the way to smokey hollow falls. I made a joke about anyone bringing a flashlight and, in the end we didn’t make our way back til after the sun set ol Raymbo was right.
So many layers, two pairs of pants… guess how fun it was once the seal was broken and we were stopping and peeing all the time if you’ve never had your bare ass out in the cold winter air wind ya don’t know cold yet then baye.
I’ve a fonder appreciation of snow now. You remember the crazier winters of your childhood and playing in the snow definitely brings out the childlike qualities still instilled in ya. I’m Canadian ’twas bound to happen one time or other haha.
There she be, Smokey Hollow waterfall. As we came upon it we noticed one lady on the other side of the fence, hitting a tree with branches and throwing crap into the falls but not at all on the safe side of the barrier you know what I’m saying plus she was acting strange so I knew I had to say something. I said it in neutral kindergarden teacher voice, um you’re not suppose to be on that side? like in an “I feel” statement style… she quickly turned around and said I CAN BE HERE. Oooooookay fine I did my part if you fall and die or jump, I at least tried. You’re complicit if you SEE something and don’t say something. She did a Ninja jump back over the railing and left WTF.
It was getting dark so we made our way back.
This is like one of those American Gothic portraits.
It’s decoratin’ time!
They turned out very sweet btw. I was impressed. We used cream cheese for the base of the icing with icing sugar and food colouring. Bf’s mom rules!
As you can see the lemon loaves weren’t made yet we didn’t want to lose daylight waiting for them to bake so we did that when we got back.
Cupcakes keep for a long time if stored properly. I’m sure there’s a couple left still. I don’t have a sweet tooth, so.
I love orange and pink together.
Can you guess what was used to make those flower petals?
Well there you have it if I can do it then you can do it.
First of all, Happy New Year guys. 2020 holy shit eh! I mean, I had some resolutions but I already broke them so, there’s always 2021 to try again and I won’t be beating myself up about it or losing any (some) sleep either so let’s just move on right now. Yesterday I sent myself all the photos for this post which knocked the wind right out of me (it is SO boring) so I shifted this post to write for today instead. However, the problem with that is I am a different person today than the one yesterday who had all these thoughtful and sentimental feelings about said images. We will see what happens next, hopefully some brilliance and laughs not entirely at my expense.
(ps the plugin at the top is being fixed so ignore the Instagram block up to the left my bad!)
Went to Niagara Falls last Sunday, or, on Sunday. Hit a few wine tastings en route there (trius, peller, this place vintners?) which was hella fun. bf had tickets we had 16 glasses so like 2 flights at each place. We have packed a lot of activity in the past few weeks so bare with me here.
Please have a bathroom in the future for your wino custies. It was bad enough it was pissing rain #onstorm that we drove through to get there making the adventure seem all the more insane. Looking at wine merch when you’re blasted is super fun/ny too. I buckled at two pink glasses that say “Bubbly” in gold on them like I totally would.
Speaking of, Blow Up’s 25th Jubilee was so fun. Saw many people from the past maaaaaan, so good. The top floor was caving in and kind of thrilling being up there and also below on the first floor, it was bumping I was “concerned” lol.
This was a tame snippet feat. some of my select moves. Did you know if you go in my archives (please don’t) you can find stories about mod club from when I was 19, and blow up was the sister to that night in Toronto.
What movie does this make you think of? If you said The Irishman you are correct. Even the door is red. Scorsese on that foreshadowing a bloody killing tip son don’t think I didn’t notice I studied that mother-frigging movie and got in no less than 5 facebook fights as the world was watching it on netflix with their wrong opinions to boot. Ya I said it.
5 Stars for cuteness.
Foodie pic blindside swish! This is what I ate after all that wine I was hangry af and I was worried about getting in the pool after all that food but no worries there as the pool was too disgusting anyway, we just sat there and watched the awful view while digesting before heading up to run a bubble bawth. It was a covert opps mish smuggling our two pieces of buffet pizza which we had for breakfast ahahaha.
I incorporated my bathing suit into my outfit because, Raymi but also because this sucks me in I was doing a lot of wine and eating and thinkers gotta think yo. This is after Wine Stop 1 at the same location. It rained all day and night.
Christmas evening sorry I feel obligated to jam up this post with the requisite amount of raymi pictures I don’t even like this one!
New Year’s day, this was not enough and the amount of chicken and cheese were dismal not to be a complainer. We were, you guessed it, hungry. It’s butter chicken poutine fyi. One 2020 resolution is to eat out less and cook more. Seeing other friends on FB do the same too which is hilarious and inspiring to me because I know some of these cats are majorly addicted to going out so I am just waiting for the next restaurant picture to pop up and putting money on it secretly in my head and when it happens I will screenshot and send this part of my blog post fahaha #petty.
I asked him if he would still love me if I looked like this. He said, “it would be hard.”
The best thing about Niagara Falls is the nostalgia. It reminds me of the 80’s and being there in the 80’s and the crazy confused memories a kid conjures from that wild carny tourist traphole like the worst thing about NF is all the people amiright.
Jumping back to Christmas now. Enjoyed the fishnets and my flashy red polish, Mr. Rogers doc on in the bg. Think of someone more pure than Mr. Rogers, I’ll wait.
Oh hi Nana!
We died at this omfgggg too perfect. It is still funny.
Started doing these timer kiss portraits cos why the hell not. Maybe someday down the line will reveal the ridiculous way in which we got togeths. I am hesitant to TMI, I mean, I’ll totally TMI some things but not others. Will just have to continue watching haha.
While we are two peas in a pod in the classic sense, only one of us is a Leafs fan so the chirp-game is strong. I think he secretly likes them, deep, very, very, very deep down, somewhere. There is appreciation.
Thank you for the 1 tiny bottle of shampoo, super generous of ya but seriously the VIP parking was great and the later check-out too. bf’s golf umbrella went inside out as we were walking the falls at night in the rain didn’t matter really anyway because it was misty from all directions the umbrella was pointless. Then I lost $50 at the casino but it was my decision, Gamblor got a hold of me I needed to stare at skids, drink a beer, and throw money in the garbage. Should have cashed out at $70 but then you keep thinking you may build and build but you don’t you just crash. I love Roulette. I was watching Molly’s Game last night and she says poker is a game of skill, roulette is chance. So it means there’s a chance!!! lmfao.
Marie recommended this beauty app which is obvi not from Canada but I love it so shut up.
Yes it’s a beauty filter but it looks mostest like me I think. I am blessed with plump lips but they ain’t this plump so I have considered Kylie Jennering my lips thanks to seeing how much hotter I could look.
Yeah it’s a bit much lol. My Raybans are MIA, I put them aside on NYE and haven’t seen them since. boohoo. Update: FOUND. In a secret pocket chamber of the many pockets in my new coat.
We did a Christmas city circuit starting from my hood and it was a secret surprise to have a drink in the art deco lobby bar at Royal York which was slammed with fancies so we peaced after snooping around. It smelled like gingerbread from the actual gingerbread house they built in there.
Anyone else experiencing post-Christmas blues? This might be the Christmas blog in to February there’s still a lot of stuff to cover here.
A favoured place to pee when passing through neighbourhoods.
It was a magical Christmas, alright.
This is another great new place near me.
Went to Casa Loma on New Year’s Day, walk through Wychood and to the tunnel of glam on St. Clair. Will post that another time.
I’ve been to a wedding here, a medieval faire, and a Film fest party – all humongously epic experiences each in their own right.
Horses lived here.
Smiling Buddha on NYE we rocked the coat check. Fucking awesome. We were like whats up for new years, one of us needs to plan and chart out the coming week and one of us is like let me breathe we will figure it out anyway making $ versus spending money was a why not plus a duh, let’s do it I was in the throes of tweeting the job posting for them and thought fuck it why don’t we do this?
And it was a grand time. If things aren’t fun then you won’t find me there that’s my life motto.
Getting these aligned was a process but team work makes the dream work.
When you are a walking instagram what do you expect. The best was he was so oblivious to me but everyone else was zeroing in so I had to deke them out then go for the kill, piss off lcbo’ers mind ya business.
Lovely drives thru country snow, very good balance to my city life. Sometimes the concrete jungle is legit so claustrophobic don’t get me wrong I have loved every neighbourhood (save for one) that I’ve lived in in the city – if we made a map/tshirt out of it, it would be so very populated like people who thumbtack world maps for all their trips and travels mine is like that except Toronto neighbourhoods (plus LA Maine Brooklyn UK Holland Aruba Miami Vancouver blabbity blah…), like many people too I am sure. In short, if you sublet and you hate it, you just leave it. Boom.
We re-watched both The Hangover movies because it makes us laugh our brains out. The little things yeah.
See the falls over yonder.
We combed the Fallsview casino mall because it was cold af there outside by the falls and maybe I was cranky, I have seen this before are shitty things you say haha actually I was about to have meltdown number 1 okay hear me out, we were walking uphill in a wind tunnel and I said okay this isn’t fun anymore right before he could say anything my hat blew away right off my head up in the air in a big arc and backwards down the hill behind me into a group of people getting off a bus I had to haul ass down to get it before it got another gust of wind beneath it and a little kid jumped to it just before I did, nice kid, everyone had heard the bang of the brim of my hat hitting the sidewalk so I heard a cluster of Spanish tourists gasp it is funny as hell in hindsight but he knew I was about to full blown lose it so he grabbed me by the hand and dragged me up the hill in a sweet way but yeah, I was losing it.
We had our own lookout observation area it was very relaxing plus 80’s tunes were playing it’s always mesmerizing staring at the falls.
Okay I’s gots to bounce it’s been a slice have things to do so bon weekend see you soon happy 2020 xoxo your pal Raymi.
Went to the Sultan’s tent on Friday…more like the INSULTAN’s TENT! LMAO
I say no more! if you wanna hear my stories ya gotta pay for ‘em because I am fleshing out a set and I’m going for it. I think you have to say yes to as many insane things as possible before you die, it just makes sense to. I don’t remember (I never do) who I was talking to but I essentially was justifying my cut loose attitude and how I am a different person now than I use to be AHH I remember it was Brosz7 saw him the other night. Funny people are always funny, we laughed as we jadedly shot the shit of our current affairs.
Some people are not happy with their lives. I know, shocking. Some people are complacent, some people always worry, others plot. Everyone has anxiety. But I find the moments in between are the best, most crucial part. It’s super hard to enjoy your life or be the happiness is a choice-set because like in correcting one’s posture, you always forget. I mean, I don’t. I walk around like a happy go lucky Jimminy Cricket sometimes, the days I am lucky to be cognizant of JOY to just go with the flow man.
It was rush hour when I got back to the city yesterday and I found myself walking against the herd of commuters and, you know, I felt SO RELAXED TO NOT BE THEM. They were all miserable, grumpy-faced, and I was casually speed-walking at this point with my knowing bloodhound maneuvers left across Front and up University etc and so on and people were aghast I wasn’t a lemming like them going toward their train. Any time you’re going the opposite direction upstream glaring at your former-you it’s surreal. I honour it. Fuck my mind is so quick I don’t ever miss a stupid thing.
It floors me when it floors them that I stop to capture the sun setting everyone is so busy rushing around they never stop and but then they DO stop because they see this blonde freak woman doing this. I remember I was taking a photo of the most breath taking sunset once and people walking into an outlet mall were all ??? and I said TURN AROUND!!!! They did and were transfixed. SEE! I said. Sometimes you have to shake people the fuck awake which is why I pull no punches in just speaking my mind right there in the moment sometimes those were the best conversations.
Anyway this was a boss walk home it was mild, more mild than had anticipated so the warmth was soothing and as we know this child hates her winters so get it in ya when you can and smoke em if you got em cos it’s goin down (fav track right now my neighbours hate me).
going back to my stand-up material I feel like I start a lot of topics then go on to the next, it’s bad I know.
I mention it because I want to be a finisher. Omg wouldn’t that be an awesome sister to the Punisher. Just think about it I’m going to leave that with you.
Fuck are we done looking at buildings yet I know I am… the weekend I went to Burlington for Thanksgiving was the first time I saw trees changing fall colour I felt SO sorry for myself for being a Torontonian in that moment like all the trees changed colour without me. The majority of my life is spent being sad about the most inconsequential shit I know this you don’t have to tell me LIKE I see this too you know!!!
I went to the shark club this night to watch the game. I say no more. Hahah.
I believe if I knew when I was a little girl that all I’d ever want was to be outdoors in nature I’d probably be married sooner/already but let’s not go there rn. This is one of my most favourite places to hike: Smokey Hollow falls don’t copy me but you must go and make sure you don’t have bad knees kay.
Dear Diary it has been 3 hours since my last mirror selfie I cannot cope, the people do not know what I look like right now please give me the strength to locate my next washroom I don’t care how shitty it looks in there, they have a right to know.
Ya guy Nan’s boudoir what up b this was before Swiss Chalet. Next year we will go to a nicer place so my Nana won’t complain I said you have to stay alive for that though okay?
I am slowly getting slimmer I am afraid to mention it lest I yoyo back again haha but just letting you know because I think the selfies increase however, I know I take just as many when I’m thiccer so idk what to tell ya I don’t care just look at me and be quiet. I am so sick of being online bullied about every single thing it doesn’t matter anymore I made it to twenty fucking years assholes Nov 28th will be my 20th year blogging. WHAT!!
So you can just kiss my ass. skskskskks sorry for the ego problem. Dialing it back now.
Do you want to hear about my Sunday? Okay it was the best day and knew all along was going to be gorgeous weather it didn’t disappoint.
Give me LOTR or give me death.
Trust me I loaded up my phone and fucked up my instagram stories like I did on Nuit Blanche just so much Faaaaaaaaaaaall.
There was some kind of major accident we had to park on another street and walk down I really love my disaster p0rn but we didn’t make it in time cos we was tailgatin’.
This was a massive slow burn said he had a beer for me with a mirror on it then gives me this yeah thanks bud who are you my brother? I think that passes for romantic if you’re a country boy.
I had a big weekend I slept through my alarm so as I was getting ready to head out to the burbs I had the opportunity of being sweaty frantic and anxious the entire time you know the feeling FUCK then I came down with something Monday, complete useless write off and felt right as rain Tuesday because I drank a quart of orange juice and just sweated it all out is this TMI I can’t tell anymore and I also don’t care.
I love how so many Toronto little front yards are over-growing insanity Toronto people are busy enough have they enough shit on their plate and just cannot deal with the green thumbery. I have lived in a variety of places in the city the majority of which had the zaniest backyard garden set-ups going on talk about English gardens yeesh which is run wild to shit.
A new spot in our hood goody good.
The money shot.
Will prob result in being the front cover for some theatre’s playbill I hope.
I’ll be in the area later today and shall report back if there is a new billboard here yet. Feel free to tell me first though.
oh ya this night I say no more haha.
Blogging this is inspiring me to get up off my ass and do my errands sooner it’s sunny out! (update: now it’s not).
Nana’s roses. When I took jazz I would always get a bouqet of roses from her garden after my recital awwwww.
I wanted to razzle dazzle ‘em at swiss chalet so….
Now that was a friggin choppy water day wow.
Literally all the patience I had uploading pics yesterday for this post enjoy your day now, enjoy your life xoxo!
Hello girls and boys, it’s time fer a blerg post. How this will go, nobody knows.
A truly cherished and (supportive) friend of mine read the last one and said although it’s all over the place, my writing and stories do have cohesion and it is something totally unique to me, and good but awesome. Made me think okay I will try to be a little more cohesive which can be trying as time has passed and in the present, where we are now, looking back at the pictures of rocks and boats and food that I took, how do you piece that together in a not boring way?
I get so bored so quickly and would rather talk about the here and now but I also grapple with guilt about leaving out the fine details of a minute, or an encounter, I previously experienced and felt was so profoundly significant at that time. This must be some form of obsessive compulsive disorder I’ll be diagnosed with later down the road, get medication for and be like, why didn’t I do this earlier in life and save myself from myself? Like extreme sentimentality. That’s why I blog and collect, and I hoard experiences.
Okay hear me out, I know GOOD VIBES is like the worst saying by now but it’s such a cute shirt. My style errs on the side of tomboy vsco girl (yes also puke) normcore beach babe and in the winter time hipster hobo chic, in autumn it’s rocker tomboy tight pants all legs loud toques like too many layers but in any event this shirt makes waves, it draws the eye so if you’re any kind of self conscious and walking across a busy city pretty much every single person is turning and looking at you. GOOD VIBES BRO. We also convinced someone I owned my own sex toy shoppe so there’s that hahaha.
Went to Haliburton saw every place from my childhood summer holidays was nostalgic AF I ATV’d stand-up paddle-boarded the lake infinity times tanned etc and so forth was a good week then we stayed at a resort for one or two nights then hit Wasaga on the way back and stayed there for two nights once you’re away just stay away and play eh. The summer before I had spent in Muskoka pretty much every single weekend and that ship has sailed so THIS summer I was gung-ho to “better” last summer. I think I nailed it.
You’re doing great Sweetie! Thanks for the pic mom lol. I put this on my tinder profile you can imagine the greatest hits in form of messages it received from matches. It’s good these guys hang themselves, red flag themselves, at every juncture. Defending it too like I am kneeling on a board in a bathingsuit in a heatwave don’t slut shame me. Then I knock it out of the park and say my mother took the photograph. Anyway.
Jamie visited Toronto for a few days this summer. I think it rained BOTH times we went down to the pool but it was fun still, hotel people watching is kind of awesome. Holy shit I just remembered this throuple we saw in the pool I will omit all physical details but let me just say this: GROSS. Moving on. Okay going back, watching other people watch them too was hilarious – the facial expression reactions – very much priceless.
Now could this have been in May or June? Was it hot enough in May yet for this sort of thing? I know that it was a hot ass day but anyway I invited someone on the boat that caused some drama it was actually the perfect storm recipe I don’t want to out the two parties involved (huge sigh) but yeah now that person isn’t allowed on the boat ever again and I’m gonna get a harder vetting in the future for people I wanna bring on my uncle’s boat which sucks because have been bringing peeps on that thing for more than ten years now or something. The friendship is severed too fully canceled and next time I will read the room better as have given this person a second chance before, they were morning wasted on tequila, had gotten stood up, I should have known better. Boat drunk is real BRO.
This is that bar/resto at Union station I think called Union Chicken wasn’t gonna plug’em but there ya go. I am glad there are places now in the train station you can eat and chill and kill time it’s deadly though because once you buy your ticket you can wait out 4 trains before it expires and then you’re like $130 later from champagne and shit I mean I only did that once I bumped into my friend who commutes to PC and I was heading to Burlingtron and we got smammered obvi. Look at the winter coat I am rocking, it’s only a matter of fucking time til we are bundled up again and I HATE ITTTTTT.
At Nana’s you always have to selfie in her floor to ceiling mirror. I think we were heading to… I don’t even remember all I remember is whipping through the house like this and Nana almost dying from my naked-tannedness. My nana can never not comment on my body or my appearance I just try to glam and/or blonde it up as much as possible to protect myself lol.
This was a boat ride to remember however good God the winds and the waves every rod got tangled it was 10/10 messy no one could even drink we were so nauseated from the rocking boat I can feel it still now and we almost lost a few of us out the back of the boat on the way out to water from how my prankish uncle rips that thing my mom will tell ya. There are videos where I am screaming my head off and everyone is holding on for dear life I mean it was thrilling but also terrifying too. My family is insane what can I say.
Do you think we can get through this post starring 100% pictures of me only? Definitely right. Speaking of boozing I’m not boozing right now and seeing how long we can go I think I’m over the hump of how boring it is to be alone with my thoughts sober or even being able to have thoughts but I don’t want to get into it right now so. Talking about it can be as boring as the act of it is.
I love this piece. I don’t want to say mural because it is obviously a blown up photo so I don’t know what you call it in actuality.
I think that is the last time I wore that teeny red kylie kendall backpack I have moved on to fanny packs now and my mom and kev have both copied me LOLLLLL.
Okay one other person can be in this post and that’s my brother and if you ever fuck with me he will tune you up real good. I actually told an ex that and it pissed him off so much he went lethal and wanted to fight my brother and I am like yo relax I am sorry but it’s true my brother will win then we had a fight about it and I learned never warn anybody just let it happen when and if it needs to happen.
When you’re mid-thirties it’s not conceited to pose all dreamy and such it is an achievement and this contains zero filter so yes I am into it.
This one has filter yes duhhhhhhhhh but it doesnt mean that I don’t look like this omg who cares I am running out of steam now.
…and like myself again. It feels good to be back but where that is, who knows who cares I have done a lot of pretentious self-reflection self love self care weird fucking things this summer I dunno. I isolated myself. I took’er easy. Any way I will be working my way backward through my phone of the things that are still there on it that I did this summer and the thoughts that I had while doing them and that will be that. In the blink of an eye the season t’was over but it’s not officially done until sept 21 So. There.
Oh my god if you saw the set-up I am dealing with right now to get wifi into my own apartment you would die I am trying so hard not to be a bitch and just roll with it but add loud hammering into the fold louder because my door is wide open to get the signal using a stool as a table and my shoe rack as a mouse pad rest even moving it a fraction to the left cuts it off so where I thought I was on easy street before on my micro-kitchen counter…I download netflix movies from my account so that I can binge them in bed by nightfall I am too annoyed and embarrassed to show a picture here I sent one to Marie and she was like girlllll get Rogers I didn’t want to get into it here! but maybe the secret to maintaining an audience (like women in China livestreaming do) is to complain and share every fucking mundane thing that I roll my eyes at other people sharing on Facebook and yet… read every goddamn bit of it myself.
I have been back in the city a couple weeks now? Going on week 3? I spent a month abouts in Burlington, from Wasaga, to Oakville and all I had packed were bathingsuits and one pair of shorts that I wore all summer LMFAO… anyway we will get back to that. But anyway since I have been home in Toronto NO WIFI. The Super was my wifi hookup and he moved out. I refuse to spend one more fucking dime on anything period in this city if I can help it especially since there is pre-existing wifi in our building already this whole time unbeknownst to me, and a strong signal at that if you can bloody reach it, or speed, at least when my door is open and I am perched over my laptop like an arachnid from District 9 (look it up) my fucking back is killing me bruh.
Now I can bundle my phone package with internet right? Wrong. But then the guy at rogers is like wait I can get you a good deal. Brother man fuck you. Don’t act all back door special with me I have had my account since I was 19, I am 36, do the math I am paying you way too fucking much already. Even if I bit the bullet we still need to figure out where the fuck to install it in this old-ass building. Why the hell would I even go get my own modem when it’s already here and we just need an extender on the existing modem down the fucking hall from me I can see right now I am legit on my last nerve — fix this yesterday. Was told will just go by the computer store on College 2 weeks ago and it hasn’t happened I am beyond pissed. I am also SICK of having my door OPEN – it isn’t safe. Maintenance dudes keep looking in AT me too as a bonus while I am typing here on a stool. I will probably delete this but I needed to explode. I am annoying them they are annoying me. They can hear my same twenty songs I play over and over.
Other than that I am doing great and very happy ahhaha sorry! Not lying.
I am glad with the things in my life that I do which make me happier at a later point in time when I look at my photos and in the moment I have this obsessive compulsion to capture and hoard experiences and then self-reflect maybe share a fraction of my adventures later on I have been doing this for the majority of my life it is my truth and it’s how I sought to attract my tribe, anyone, who would listen to and see me.
I see poets as roving packs of magic creatures, demented, lovingly so besought by their wariness and experience I eat it up. I fill my head up with so much fantasy to self-preserve and contain my way, in which I need to constantly justify my nature? Truth be told I am comfortable in who I am, arrogant, and also afraid. It is an adrenaline at your backside. Think twenty minutes of anxiety every twenty minutes and that is how I live.
you have to make amends with everything before you can suffer nothing before you can be everything you ever wanted to be.
We’re always thinking of little schemes and ideas for me to hone my talents which are so fucking good like a how to online date thing where I tell newbs what to watch out for because let me tell ya I have been a bible of wisdom for my squad in their new time of swipings prime of recent.
I just have this life I dreamt of before when i was so enamoured by hipsterism kooky aesthetic and am now trapped by it because living in Toronto is so expensive when I leave this place they will slap paint on and charge $2000 for it so I am like fighting the man and the power and everyone always anywhere anytime.
I need my mister dress-up lifestyle I look to other institution peoples like myself in Toronto, how they are fairing, and some have all become lampoons of themselves by design, by necessity, and by need to survive. We all have had our own successes, failures, fall-backs. BUT most importantly COMEBACKS and I am here for it! I so support my fellow Toronto celebs my music industry pals who helped MAKE ME. ILU 4EVR #Gratitude #blessed.
NOW on to my next annoying topic to rant about which is purely self-inflicted toxicity of my own actions embedded deep within a place of my disgusting vanity and vulgur as it is I find it hard to justify looking pale in the winter time I am only angry at myself for not freezing my account for two months of the summer such waste throwing money in the garbage and tanning salons are crooks in the bests of times you have to show up and do paperwork like a gym like uhhm no one has time to even consider the sheer terror of that.
Perhaps you find what I find in this blog style vein of an art-form to be antiquated, outlandish out of style but it is normal to me. I never knew but of anything else and to even fucking second guess it is a travesty.
How greedy with your time are you? Because I am so far gone indulgent with mine I was JOMO before that ever existed like putting your state of being in a physical valium existence this is what Netflix does to us today it’s just too good too easy to watch through a cinematic lens parallel to our facebook landscape connections to those we knew years ago.
And getting back to basics of doing irl things is utterly amazing. As an adventure thrill-seeker you fill the chambers of the void with constant doing the older you get because you finally know and fear and realize how limited time truly is.
Nothing makes me feel more emotional, more poetic, more depressed, than autumn. If it were a person I would punch it in the face, buy it drinks, and ghost it. Because you know what comes next. Sacrifices are fun and all unless you’re the cat on the pyre. Winter is LONG. I think the majority of my blog posts are about how much I fucking hate winter. Wow.
I’ll just take a sec to switch gears here and breathe.. LOL.
Nothing bothers me but everything makes me insane.
I come up with these lines all day long I wish I would just write them down make a set out of them. This is the start. This is a preclude to a podcast.
the things that you admire, inspire, and you let shine out through and you remember that moment again and what it reminded you of so sweetly, to begin with.
If you want to go somewhere from 1909 go to Allan Gardens. Bring a b cup, a marie antoinette glass (coup glass) cos she had b cup sized tits ha ha I love that!
Took in two softball games ate shawarmas it was lovely.
It got cold though. Made do.
All in all a great summer it has been. I went all over and was a beach bum as much as poss.
SO here is the story of my Christmas blanket. Since nobody asked. Two Christmas parties ago I was a marketer for an agency and I lost my receipt for all the Christmas crap I bought for the Christmas staff party and they were like Raymi we can’t reimburse you for that so I was like fine THIS BLANKET IS MINE NOW plus all these elves. lmao.
I left behind lots of shit there is no love lost I just think it’s funny. I bought it for this couch we had in the office Tess suggested I cover it up with something as a last ditch effort Dollarama came through. Those girls loved me Valentines day Easter St Patricks Christmas Canada day Halloween those were good times sigh. I’d go to Dollarama her beside my place before work and pick out fun ass things to put together on display for instagram and clients and candy for the team for morale.
See that bee.
They were everywhere.
I went to pee and came back with crayons and we had a colouring contest had a girl impartially judge who was better and we won against my boy Troy sorrryyyyyyyyy we only had three colours to work with.
Love this beach, bish.
We found a discarded bubble disc I have no other way of knowing how to describe it but anyway it was essentially a frisbee so we tossed it back and forth until it broke for a good 20 minutes I stood on top of the rock formation because it was the last place the sun was hitting and it was such a perfect game of frizz I felt like an Olympian all these moments I shotgun to my heart to get me through winter my least spirit animal.
So happy to live so close to here.
and to here.
So centrally located to many places it’s why I live where I live and I take it because it’s a gem and when I lived in the beaches I felt the same melancholy temporariness that it was living anywhere in Toronto but I am grateful for what I have right now so that’s that! It’s fucking cool it’s unique it speaks to my eccentricities my lone wolfism fuck yeah no roommates.
Oh lord I uploaded way too many photos than actually wanted to deal with so lets to be continued this never-ending story for now thanks guys see ya.
Hey pals! Just trying to get back into the groove of blogging (writing about myself tirelessly) again and regain some semblance of a regular schedule here. I mean, I adore bonbons and Netflix a lot but as a capable and intelligent young(ish) woman I’m aspose to just produce MORE and offer up milestones plus all the horseshit that comes along with the “rat race” like the rest of ‘em. Gag me.
The sooner you realize that no one gives an actual shit about what you do, the happier we will all be. I mean, they care about what I am doing lol but I mean in general the collective spinning of wheels in the pursuit to showcase an exciting rapid pace life to fill the endless void of attention-seeking neediness about the things you don’t actually care about in a moment that is wiped away 24 hours later from your instagram stories WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT.
You shun me I shun you back. I do not find you interesting. As the years pass it just gets more laughable to me. I have been more of a spectator rather than participator these days. I mean I am addicted to my social media as much as the next gal, but I enjoy going dark. But do I just say that to make myself feel better? no. I have consistently towed toed a line of caring and extra not caring and just indulging myself with my own interests. Every one knows when you’re fake-excited so just stop.
When I sit down here to write I have a few general talking points floating around to get to from months of accrued thoughts overall — from so much time containing them. No output makes me a lunatic, likely. If you can’t spit it out where is the therapy in that?
I think some people need to do a lot. They need to be needed but mostly need to be SEEN as busy. This summer it hit me that I don’t want any of that. Where people think they’re not doing enough I am over here of the mindset FUCK THAT I want to do as little as possible instead. Doing too much how about doing less. You’re doing too much bro. It was just a funny thought that I had. I also like being a bumpkin going off the grid because Toronto is toxic to me it’s like a cousin you will always be related to and have in your life and I think I am just preparing myself for working my ass off again, biding my time with it. Also there’s those who need to show their time off as a trophy like you’re STILL doing the thing that is wrong for you if you’re gloating about the thing.
I just need to be free and feel unencumbered from absolutely everything we can’t escape who we are we just have to embrace it. Summer makes me feel freedom the most that’s why all the pumpkin spice cunts can literally shut the fuck up I don’t care about your fashion which you only like autumn for so you can cover up your body. Fall is claustrophobic and short, winter is long and even more so stir crazy makings-of so as Canadians WHY are you stupidly celebrating this fucking shit!
I try to live out loud, play, be crazy and free-spirited as hard as I can because typically most of the time I am super majorly depressed. In a sense. The balance is there you just see the fun parts. I know many people like this and in some the youthful spirit doesn’t extinguish, ever, and I should hope not so. One friend of mine says she is the saddest and most fun person and is constantly playing and having fun to compensate. She is also a stand-up comedian and we all know how depressed comics are, so, but yeah we were discussing this together and I said I had a line I was going to drop in my blog about how normally we are very depressed people so this is why we laugh and play to attempt happiness for ourselves. I have this one nasty fucking bitch who has been stalking me for over 15 years online and I noticed a few shots she took at myself and my mother for a week’s vacation this summer like for someone who has been haunting my life for so long you would think they’d get it by now, how I operate and why I operate.
My hair grew ten sizes that day!
Anyway when I write these things I feel great I feel relief then I feel exposed and then I forget half the things I said and then I panic about the things that I did. I blogged two days ago for the first time since May and my traffic exploded. It was very validating but then I was like I bet no one even read it and it was the picture I used on Facebook that made these idiots come in droves. The point is don’t let your mind eat itself like that. Just do your thing and know that it’s appreciated and for the other half hate-watching for sport, hi sweetie!
My body image is doing great right now thanks fam. I mean, I have fully let myself go a little but it’s ok I am okay the world keeps spinning. I used to be so hyper focused on my looks my fat ratio and what with being a blogger and having to show pics of myself looking as lithe as possible from all angles, I just, got over it. Not saying I don’t have issues but in the above photo it’s not the most flattering but I look pretty cute and I’m smiling plus happy so that wins. I still get trolled and I bet I’ll get some nasty ones on this post “who cares about what a fugly old washed up cunt has to say” I can put money down on it, the internet is a vicious place it can be ego-shattering if you let it. Also, you let in all these creepy people too when you open up and expose your life. I try to share as much as I can up to a point. I am guarded and protective of certain areas because its blown up in my face before so fool me a billion times no more.
I love it here. I stuck a jr. mint up my nose in Elora as a teen to make my brother laugh and couldn’t get it back out again thus it melted and burst in my nose and down my nasal passage and burnt terribly. I cannot stand chocolate mint as a result or junior mints ever again. This story is a family classic and I mention it because it happened in Elora so I think about that when I think of Elora.
This is Fergus, it’s just as gorgeous. River p0rn everywhere.
There is a bar called the goofy newfie over-looking this so you must check it out.
This summer I have really embraced my hick side. Like. Full on, no irony, straight-up yeehaw listening to country music even and shit! I went to a trailer park for a baseball tourny and slept in a tent that was a most wild long weekend oh Christ but anyway the city is too much city sometimes and I have always been addicted to escapes. I am like a dog if you don’t take me for car rides I will pee on the floor. Essentially.
I LOVE IT.
Obviously someone from Ontario had to have the big dix plate who okayed that?
Crushed this burg so hard on the way back.
Our waitress was such a salt of the earth pleasure to converse with and told us how to get to the quarry. She said she hadn’t been since she was 17 years old when she jumped off the cliff because she was in love with a boy (said his name I forget) waiting for her below in the water but the way it just came right out of her like that and how it didn’t work because he didn’t become her boyfriend in the end. I wished my mom was there she would have talked this woman’s face off.
Okay that’s my cue gonna hit the w33d store and drop off a painting at a fancy hotel yes I am interesting like that I have big name art collectors flying in to pick up my art lmao.
Cheryl also owns my Saddam painting. Before the economy tanked years ago when I was more of a household name, people bought art, so I made art and I sold art.
Goodbye Evita Peron (as played by Madonna) you will be missed but enjoy your new home!!
Tomorrow is 9/11 anniversary I usually say something about it as I lived there when it happened and I am still fucked up from it and also fucked up from hearing people’s modern day conspiracy theories about it and getting in fights with them about how stupid and insensitive they are but anyway I will be spending the day with someone special and I won’t be alone and for that I am grateful. Sayonara for now xo.
Haaaay m’f’ers, Captain Canadurr back hurr again to rap with ya a (hot) minute. I’d apologize for my absence but that’d be full up lyin’ I mostly just apologize to my damn self for slagging and lagging BUT I figure it would be okay to bide my time in a re-emergence. It’s quite alright I’m a pariah and I know it, its always been my bag of tricks.
So, in no particular order here’s some beauties from my phone from the distillery over the weekend. Everyone says how much the summer flew by and boy did it flew. I’m going to dump a bunch of highlights here before I accidentally delete them all (and I want you to love me again) like my phone started doing earlier today…. WHAT PANIC!! Enjoy, hold on tight.
Love a black light.
Imagine the flavour of the corn tortillas jammed with onions and this sliced up steak ahh gadd beside a fire and open air patio…
With this above your head. I personally love that shit.
Ahi tuna ceviche with watermelon.
I have much history with this corridor in the Distillery but it has been a moment since reacquainting myself to the light box display of ancient boozes that are just so endearing and far-off fantastical fantasy-making.
In fact I feel fortunate to live a 5 min walk from this runaway from modern life reality attraction.
With cute art installation crowd sourced projects everywhere abound.
beauty. enchanting, how so.
Kinda wish was posting about Elora right now but will have to wait til next post.
Still very cute Toronto.
whoops I’d say this doesn’t happen all the time but, it does ha-ha.
Lora..luh luh luh luh …Elora. til next time thanks for stopping in.
Drop everything and pay attention to me listen to me. Okay good you already did that. Did you know that the last time I blogged here was in December? Yeah, that’s the longest drought my homies but why is today so special? Well I have an abundance of self confidence is one. It comes, it plateaus. I’m ambivalent. Cocky. I gave up. Nahh. I finally got my hair done, which helps a bunch then I got more sun on my skin, likin’ how I am looking but namely the Vitamin D for sure saves the day creatively speaking. If I am bummed then I do not feel like opening up, exposing myself, or being seen. Enough time has passed here. I wanted to only ever be a writer which is something that has quarreled with my alleged narcissism. Or self worth, my value. Yeah, yeah, I know my voice is strong and clever and I have a mania to my thoughts that seems to never end I can turn a phrase BUT some of me the past little while was like SO FUCKING WHAT.
Not really, let me explain. I did a lot of input and very little output. I have given myself a lot of time to think and think I do. Then the ideas pile up, stifle you so much so that you don’t know where to begin. You fall out of love with yourself and start to think like everyone else has too because you don’t throw your hat in the ring anymore. More than half the work is just showing up and not to say that a lot of people’s “work” at social media wind-baggery isn’t decent or anything just saying SOooooo much over-saturation, no fucking substance, nothing new, or clever. Or I have just been over-consuming out of boredom (yes) and there are just too many instagram-dominant ventures taking over I don’t even know what I am fucking doing anymore there.
When people say I could do that — but, you didn’t lmao. I get it, I get it.
All I ever wanted was to write books and be this dweeb inhabiting a charming world so I sought out to do a lot of fun things, pursue shit, be adventurous, so I’d have things to say and to write about. I did that, but things didn’t turn out the way I thought. I get gigs and I’m privileged. I have opportunities and I also am verrrrrrry much so an under-achiever like, I’ll get to it eventually because I know my talent is that good. Or that thing will happen then somewhere along the way things will fall into place. The lazy man’s route. Which is much encoded by fear. Fear of doing nothing, becoming nothing, and quitting on yourself. Wait. I meant that I don’t like to worry about things so then I distract myself therefore I cannot worry about things. I have been protecting myself my whole life and lately I have been selfish with, myself and my time. I have played the role of observer and it makes me feel like a hot fucking waste. Good job, you did nothing.
Do I want to be an influencer in this day and age? Yes. But it’s not my bag, baby. It’s not. All that crap got in the way of the magic here. I do understand that flogging for $ is hella part of it but I am so mentally exhausted that once I do THAT post I am SPENT for any of the extra superfluous crap that I excel at — selfies navel-gazing food I ate tv I watched in between the lines gossip and humour. It’s probably because I never evolved to update certain skills, platforms too, and from burning myself out after 18 years of blogging. I have adopted a fuck it these people can wait mentality. I still want to be bigger than I am and better but there is a huge turn off in over-achievers or their racket is too good and believable. Always self-promotion and selling. Like fuck off shut up!
I think part of the problem is I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what I don’t want and I think I have this abundance of time. I was told I don’t have enough anxiety. What??? Not no more, bud. Anxiety for me works personally like the fire is lit and I now see that I am the last one to figure out that I am a loser and the abundance of time was a lie. I am just opening myself up and being vulnerable now, for once. It feels good. It feels good to talk shit and deflect then sneak in the parts that scare you the most. I don’t think I know one person who has it all figured out, do you? Even the perfectionists are unhappy. Actually tbh, they’re the most unhappy of all because they can’t enjoy what they have they are always looking to the next thing and crap to control.
Wow I’ve said a mouthful. I uploaded all these pictures from the last few days, or began to and the download process did not jive with my attention span so I wrote all this instead. I have fallen out of love with this art form in that the painstaking focus I used to grant it is harder now. Everything changes. Everything.