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November 28, 2014

In true blogger fashion I have pissed the morning and day away takin’er ease, takin’ my time, spilling my brain rhymes into the abyss of my life. What does this all meeeeeeeeean people? Absolutely nothing. It’s my (blog’s) birthday and I can cry if I want to. It’s actually my Dad’s birthday today and I feel like a gigantic asshole taking it over with “this” but I am treating him to a fancy burger tonight for the day along with other presents I got for him too. I am a good daughter I will have you know. I know lots of people who don’t have dads and I want you to know that I do right by him despite my scandalicious blog. You have no idea how much you will miss your Dad when he is gone but I already do know that so we’ll be tight through thick and thin. A huge part of blogging for a blogger for fifteen years is now and again writing or featuring your family can you imagine the collective familial weight (and joy) of Raymi the Minx? A lot of people can relate to this because they have their own social media foibles and fanfare of family. Long story short Happy Birthday Nacnud you’re a gem as well as a blog star too so enjoy it lol xoxo.

Lets talk about Jian Ghomeshi now. I initially felt bad for him because his father died a couple weeks before all this went down, maybe his father homage was a pre-sympathy-plea? Last night while thumbing through the SUN’s (trash) paper on Jian Ghomeshi’s walk out of court made me think the fool was actually lucky his dad died bfore all this shit went down, lucky bastard right? Or maybe the hurt is two-fold. All the women he has hit in the past no offense their pain is over like a slap’s sting eventually fades. It doesn’t make it right but I can relate to someone who had all these grand notions for themself and unfortunately being pretentious and unlikeable is a big part of that ideal, and then the fall from grace. No one’s life is perfect, we all have a shit show moment at some point or other. Being a Canadian is tough too if you’re in the media. All of Canada slings dirt at you. Can dump you.

Anyway, this isn’t about Jian today this is about ME! It’s my turn to be a big suckhole brat today. No matter how old I am or how long I have been checking in with these mission statements over the years, the human is an ongoing vessel of developing improvement and continuing growth (here’s hoping) and like Political Correctness, we all evolve to adopt the trend of the new society or be witch hunted in fashion. The time of the woman is now. Don’t fucking ask why women are only speaking up now you Bill Cosby’s because you bloody well know why. Let the pitch forks be turned on you for once and boo hoo if it’s en masse because THAT is how many women you’ve besieged the advantage without consent of. -end rant-. HBD RTM LOL.

Woah sorry for the buzzkill although I know some of you like it you verbose pundits you. I was trying to summon the Raymi of yore. Of yore? Yes as there are many years to summon from. Fcuk am I ever scared about next Friday I might nervous fart myself to death. I’m going to talk about my date with Jian Ghomeshi there! Plus a bunch of other crazy shit too.

Lots of cheesy ones but whatevs I’ve had a chronic go of pain the last several weeks I am grateful for howver good I can look these days and I am done with fronting insecurity bitch I look good for my age.

Wienerific et al. I think I look better now than I did three years ago to be honest. That blonde hair aged me as well the lifestyle.

Had a great time working with my mom she’s way professional and certainily has an eye.

I’ve already been offered a few gigs from this shoot alone ;) .

BTW remind me to link the OCAD U Itunes thing so you can see my talk!

What else is new.

$$$$.

ETC.

Oh btw have you checked out my Ello lately? Friend me on it if u r! https://ello.co/raymitheminx

Can’t do one w/o the fake handsies-onsies.

And now for the casual beach lover pics.

What? Mai tai? Sure I’d love to!

That thing on my knee is a volleyball scar.

Just gonna whip through these now it’s getting late.

Yahhhhhhhhhhh.

Speaking of volleyball time for some Top Gun.

And some of this!

Plus that!

And that’s it for today time to get ready for burgers! Thanks for being so good to me all these years Little Raymis. I’ll make a part II very soon from this shoot with my mom, just too many for one post I’m not THAT arrogant haha. Happy Blogiversary my blog I hope we win the lifetime achivement award for once and for all because I know we will hit the 20 year mark. When people ask me if I will be blogging in the future as if I will turn into a mega-celebrity at some point and abandon this I know for sure no fucking way I will never stop blogging, not ever.

eternally yours, Raymi the Minx.



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November 27, 2014

Read it + do what it says and because you’re such good sports here is the original photo unobscured by my sick poster skills. Eventually there will be a few rotating fliers created for the whole family to collect and trade.

Tomorrow, November 28th, is the actual blogiversary date btw. It’s also my dad’s birthday by coincidence. Happy Birthday Dad I made a blog for you to read.

Tomorrow I will flood my blog with all the best pictures my mom took that you haven’t seen yet. We took 200. I’ll post 31.



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November 26, 2014

Good day internet and happy Wednesday to you! Do you like my Jamie Lee Curtis in A Fish called Wanda glasses and specific fashion reference, you betcha!

While we’re at it, notice how she got typecast in every single movie she’s in to look like this:

No matter what the era, you know she’s wearing an 80′s thong hiked way up at some point in that flick. I think it’s to make up for her shitty hairstyle. Why would you ruin a slammin’ bod with a teeny haircut like that I just don’t know. No offense short hair girls but it’s obvs I play for team long hair (you can pull on it all you want) to each their own, K-K-K-Ken!

Many years later in True Lies I rest my case. She did it also in 1983 in Trading Places and showed her boobs check it out. Should I feel sleazy peddling this to you cos I don’t. Okay that is enough about Jamie Lee Curtis (my spirit animal) for today!

Here I am being annoying as shit at Canadian Tire. I owed some handy man store patronage cos I got to do some girly shopping. My vision for this bow photo was to jump in the pile of them and act like I was being sucked in but someone didn’t have anymore patience. Now, while I know I push my luck with selfies and picture posing I’m also adamantly protective of my role as this navel gazing blogging weirdo. It’s what I do. Period. If someone can’t take two seconds out of their busy schedule to take my picture then it’s simply not gonna work out. I used to buckle under men’s moods in the past and let them NOT photograph me. Well, never again even if it causes WWIII.

I am 31. I am too old to be told. If crotchety men can be set in their ways well daggnabbit so am I. Not all men are dickbags about it however, some are delighted or will ask me before I ask if I want my picture taken beside whatever ridiculous thing we encounter.

Someone said men are the preferred second class citizens now thanks to all the woman help we get with rape crisis centers or whatever (which exist BECAUSE OF BEING RAPED BY MEN IDIOT!) and my response was yeah and it’s about fucking time so get used to it. Man whiners make me sick. Like, I hear man whining and I turn into a very not nice person so man up. I must be pmsing.

The source. Another boring man store. Yeah yeah kinda rich for me to be saying man boring this or that but it’s a joke, I know women buy tech shit too, chill. I just call bullshit on both genders how about that. I’m like a misogynist feminist. I called Canadian Tire a boring man store because: 1. boring 2. men go there 3. it’s a store. How much more transparency do you need here? I can send flash cards if necessary.

That’s what up my nose looks like. You can also see the ghost of an old lip piercing. There are cheaper knock-offs of my winter coat all over town I bought it last year. It wasn’t cheap either. You know when you see someone wearing a similar coat to yours you like, hide in the bushes and study every stitch, seam and pocket on that thing while scowling like Maggie Simpson’s baby nemesis at it and whoever you’re with or were talking to is like, hello, Lauren, uh, what are you doing?

I always want to order the fun thing but I always order this instead. The fun was made up afterward when my friend texted that he hoped I didn’t use the bathroom cos the owner was busted filming in the bathrooms here last year and I totally did use the bathroom, cool great. We only ate here cos the White Oak diner is donestown now :( . I get grilled tomaotes in lieu of homefries cos I know I’m going to be stealing some of those bad boys anyway, win win win. Re: bathroom filming, lets say he was only caught last year that means he had been filming for years! What a perv.

After band I was fomgry. We went for Afghani food and it was inhaled.

Everyone asks if we have boned like I’m a sex machine who can’t control themselves it’s starting to piss me off. It makes us laugh though. People project their own desires on to you, their guilty dirty consciences because they essentially are saying in the same situation they would be shagging for sure. Bloggers are fantasy life dolls people try to manipulate their own minds about. Don’t think I didn’t study you back. Fuck speaking of study I better go over my notes before the OCAD thing today I almost forgot from being so wrapped up in myself. Mom is almost here, we have to get rolling on photos for my blogiversary party flyer and I guess something cool for this Friday. Do you think if my blog had a dick I would suck it do not answer that.

Bengal kitten head!!! Her name is Meep because she meeps a lot. She followed me upstairs while I finished putting my war paint on and it was truly adorbs. I was like really? All this attention for me?

Chain smile.

In the summer I run nearly naked that’s why I am scowling here. People who don’t know anything about running who try to provide winter running grief relief and say isn’t it better to run when it’s cold because you get hot? Um no! You have to wear infinity leayers when it’s cold. When it’s hot you run out in practically nothing. Way more enjoyable and comfortable that way when you start gushing sweat. When you actually run, you can talk to me about it. (Ok I will stop being mean for the next little while now).

Me the night I dyed my hair I don’t know why I was being so prog rock though.

Thai tea.

When an establishment gives you a free martini cos they suck so hard I will take it. They were super sweethearts however. I told them don’t bother dimming up the lights I like sitting in the dark. I enjoy giving unnecessary extra info to strangers. one time I told a waitress I needed to sit facing a certain way so I could stare at all the people walking through this hallway and asked her if it got a lot of foot traffic and she loved that so fucking much she was like AND I HOPE A LOT OF PEOPLE WALK BY FOR YOU then we were best friends for the duration of my stay at TGIFridays in Niagara Falls the end.

Kingsley is great I want to make a video of him walking around he looks prehistoric long and scary but is actually a humongous suckhole and now we are in love and I am the favoured one he follows me around everywhere you have no idea how good that is for my ego ahhhhhhhhhhh. He’s nestling with my bag cos he doesn’t want me to leave and is visibly upset if I don’t bring an overnight bag with me, he sleeps with anything mine it’s a great 180 from stress puking all the time I think.

BYE FOR NOW! To be continued…



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November 25, 2014

No I’m not but I can pretend look see!

I’ll make my own account eventually maybe!

That’s the first one I ever starred in/made. My internet buddy said this video cured an anxiety attack he had he let it play and play lol nice.

I can’t remember what I was saying but sometimes I cuss, apologies!

Rocky says hi as well.

Tomorrow I’m doing an OCAD thing. You will be able to get the talk via OCAD iTunes, remember. This Friday is the actual 15 YEAR anniversary of my blog for those who care. Feel free to make me fan art like macaroni glue sparkle garbage for me to post! Thx ILU!

I’m waiting on a flyer from my colleague then I can make the FB event for next Friday DECEMBER 5TH at The Central. I wrote more stand-up material today, told my drag queen bestie that we’re gonna be written about in NOW so it is REAL omg. Can’t wait to see who my real friends are ;) . I don’t mind it being low-key actually. I mean whatever right it’s only fifteen years who is counting? I might have to make a Raymi classic ms paint flyer to shame him into designing one faster for me don’t think that I won’t!



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November 24, 2014

The first egg I had exploded everywhere so we tried to capture the second but it wasn’t nearly as disgusting, sorry. Hope you’re having a great Monday, amigos! Here I am doing part of my run yesterday. Wished I got out there today but it was too windy and rainy, blergh blah.



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November 21, 2014

Alrighty then pt. II of my almighty life on planet Earth begins meow.

This post will not actually feature shade though, it’s just some catchy copy thing I thought up yesterday but now that you’re here you may as well continue reading along. I always end up talking crap about something at some point eventually.

This was the last warm day and I’m glad we spent it at Niagara and it didn’t piss it away being normal. It was Remembrance Day.

This freak band was playing a Lady Gaga song. Mean.

Sky porn the whole way there.

Started out my day looking like this. I am too shy to wear this hat in public. Can I talk about myself for two seconds longer before moving on? Girls who are pretty or make effort to look pretty, get attention when out and about. Now I am not saying I am one of those girls, but I do get a lot of attention and I never seem able to deal with this attention in the right way. There must be a name for the weirdo syndrome I suffer from. Anyway, I have this tickle trunk of awesome things I grapple with wearing IRL but for why? Writers are devout over-analyzers. The only reason I over-adorn myself and “try” “hard” or “make effort” in my appearance is because I wanted to be as pretty as I was smart. I don’t think I am pretty but I knew how to make people think I was pretty, back in the year 2000 when I started photographing myself and blogging. Trying to impress the douchebags in VICE.

And do you know how many times I have been told that this will be sad when I am older. If I am still doing this. Well I am older now and still doing it. It should be rad, no? I am a relic. Of note. I’m not done yet. My blog turns 15 YEARS OLD in 7 days. I imagined myself being ten million different things by this point but I am also okay in being exactly who I am. Terrified of the future I cannot foresee but just taking it day by day.

It has been a trying couple of months. Life is not perfect. On top of that, my health in the last week has taken a nosedive also and has put some things into perspective. I haven’t spoken about it cos I don’t want to alarm people but mostly I don’t have answers yet. My friends are assuring me it’s normal but there’s also the fear in the back of my mind that it’s all over now. Come see me perform DEC 5 because it might actually be the last time you have the chance to. Oh yeah I’ve been getting really dark with it. I’ll keep you guys posted although part of me wanted to be like Bill Hicks how he was secretly dying of pancreatic cancer but continued being Bill Hicks 100% doing comedy and nobody even fucking knew. Comedians are clowns that never want to make you cry. Robin Williams, another example.

This original one is probably better but I didn’t like my closet being open. Sorry this is so vain and dark. I see my blog like a journal of self reflection that can also disgust me about myself too. Being real is really scary cos you’re forced to confront yourself constantly. I could entertain you guys with a long list of things I am disappointed in myself about but what would be the point, growth? Ew.

The leaves are all gone now, snow and twigs now frame the lake.

Just keep on truckin’ though.

I threw out those flowers finally. It’s funny when people come back to you and try to repaint the picture as it didn’t go down. Fool me twice mother fucker, nope. You blew it I didn’t.

I’m still working on my book. It feels like War and fucking Peace at this point ugh.

If there is a God, he is going to have some words with me. Or show me the slippy slide right down to Hell.

The morning after Fujahtive I don’t have party face too bad. That girl’s boobs are near my face. This is at Jack and Lois in the Hammer. Very good hipster fattening breaky. Seriously, there’s something called the John Candy for crying out loud. This woman eating a grilled cheese with macaranoi and hickory sticks plus other garbage at the bar beside us oh man, my beau was like hey buddy that looks great what is it? When we moved to a table I was like THAT WAS A WOMAN YOU IDIOT. AHhaha.

Thank God for Hamilton. I have missed quirky cultured and hip things.

They give you a basket of chips when you sit down too. I ordered off menu an egg white omelet and they put cheese in it w/o my asking urgg but other than that I digged everything about it especially staring at everyone in there. People watching should be an Olympic Sport.

Night of/after Fujahtive.

Hangs over the bar at 416 Snackbar.

Bumped into Lise here, that was nice.

He had to pick up something framed. A fugazi poster. Guys seem to like that band.

Went to Chucks Burger bar.

Felt angelic.

Hi.

Even fuller on whatever day this was sigh.

The woman who was murdered by her bf around the corner was a regular at one of my pubs. :(

Vegan nail polish.

Tan time. Should I keep at’er or let my tan fade? I’m still pretty brown.

This is who I am seeing these days. He likes RUSH. I hate RUSH.

This is my breakfast standard. I feel like the poached egg makes up for the bacon and the grilled tomatoes cancel out the home fries. Just, humour me.

I really enjoy this picture of me. I could almost pass for somebody important if I weren’t dressed like Euro trash.

I brought two pairs of footwear cos my feet are high maintenance. My mom bought this sweater for herself, me and my niece one xmas. I seem to be the only one who wears theirs.

This is the money shot though. See how good the Iphone 6 camera is?

I still gotta dye my hair. I know it doesn’t really really need it so I slack. Ha right doesn’t need it then why did I make felt ball caps such a fashion priority lol. Anyone still reading do you like that I have been talking to myself for 15 years in a blog are you cracking u like me yet? ps hi.

I have been hanging out with this humongous mainecoon cat lately. He has a major underbite which exaggerates his feline features more so. He didn’t like me at first because he was barfing everywhere in protest but now he loves me and I have graduated to carrying him around, it looks hilarious.

Kinda blew my theory about how animals hate the touch of human skin. If you’re wearing shorts, your cat will leap over you to sit beside you instead of pants where they will nestle. Meanwhile here I’m holding Kingsley by the stomach and he’s not even fighting me.

Keep calling myself a runner but I haven’t run in a week. This is a thermal layer set I got from Costco.

Loving this feature.

This is my life now. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Peace.



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November 19, 2014

Hey guys. These sacrilicious cross pics are the only reason I am motivated to get an RTM post out there. I have wanted to blog them since taken and although you’ve likely already seen ‘em on facebook or wherever, life just can’t go on until the duds make their way to the blog. I wish I could be the kind of person who can just outright shun social media and be a blog purist through-and-through whereby you only get to see my world via my blog and nowhere else. Maybe that can be a NYE resolution actually. Note to self. Remind me of that please thank you. Now, ready for more? Lets go, yo!

I bought this yesterday. Seeing as wearing these socks with leggings is my winter uniform I may as well wear a sweater that emulates that. Don’t get me started on my fight with the bluenotes staff member on the 2 for 1 sweater deal. I’m going to save it for my stand-up (Dec 5 at the central more deets on that later).

Broke my boycott and went for the most amazing pizza in town. Still not gonna promote ‘em. I’m a stickler asshole like that. The funny thing is they won’t even know why I am mad at them. All bloggers, well the smart ones, go by a code of you are dead to me ethics if you displease me instead of long-winded rants that in actuality serve as promotion, we just go silent and say nothing because it’s meaner. But long story short, running out of dinner options out here though I’ve been hanging around the Hammer a fair bit of recent.

ANYWAY! Moving along!

Yesterday was a big battleship day in the harbour. There’s zero visibility out there today, it’s all white and coming down with snow and I am hearing major ship horns honking as warning. CRAZY.

What can I say we keep it gangster out here.

My winter fashion game is bananas not even gonna front like I know and or care/give a shit about “ensembles”. It’s all about keeping warm until I acclimate. Holy fuck I can still remember how to target the most accurate of descriptions for, uh, what it is that I do lol, “become accustomed to a new climate or to new conditions.”

Massive bum bum Lauren bonus for you.

Second bonus albeit smaller cos of incredible hulk neck line twistage. The shirt says Callahan, like THEE Callahan from Tommy Boy. RIP. Also these are legendary undies. Not getting started or going there.

Another amazing mall look. Dress for your surroundings. This was for Lime Ridge. I actually had no idea where we were but then each person I saw looked funnier than the last so I was like hmm this must not be Etobicoke.

This one is to apologize for the fug ones. Then I’ll have to find one to apologize for this one! See how shiny my legs are? This is my ninja grasshopper Tim the toolman Taylor homage. I bought this shirt in Holland from H&M. I bought a garbage bag sized bag full of stuff post xmas clearance week, there’s a photo of all these 2 euros, 3 euros clothing tags. I guess I owe you guys a summary of how the thing with Dutch guy ended but don’t worry, you will get it. You will get them all in the end. Wink.

Another thing I ate.

Band. Do you want to talk about my hair?

How about here? See how close to Rasta I can get?

That’s my Robert DeNiro. Ehhhhhhhh you insulted him a lil bit, a lil bit.

Here’s my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression clicky clicky.

Chipotle finally occurred. breaking news.

Electric drums. WANT.

That light switch is in my way.

Liking my big hair here. Trying to will myself to dye it asaplease.

I also feel like I could easily pass for a pretty girl in the Shire. Like a Hobbit. Don’t even try to say no about that.

Thanks for the sweet hoodie Britt!

Friday was girl night I can’t believe I got them to watch my movie pick.

We didn’t open these cashews cos Britt is allergic OOPS my bad. Apparently they posess the same properties as prozac if you take a handful of them when you’re feeling emo you’ll pep right up. So while playing Monopoloy DEAL we’ve been shotgunning handfuls of cashews but I can’t really notice a difference cos I’m usually having rum too lol #foreveramystery.

Life tip: Do not order dumpling soup when you eat bibimbap. It’s good though.

If you can’t be in the city you love then love the one you’re in. I enjoyed this cloud p0rn. I’m going to wrap this up now cos I’m losing hours fassst and was a bit ambitious with the amount of stuff I uploaded. Thanks for lending an ear you know I hold you dear, til next time xoxo rlw. ps. I ello!

+++++

psssst! reasons why you should ALWAYS follow me on Twitter.



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November 18, 2014

In case you needed to see me jump in slow motion, here.

Sorry I have been blog slacking, back at it again real soon.



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