Hey guysbians. On Sunday we didn’t go to that freshtival I wanted to go to so instead we drove to Amsterdam and blabbity blah took a lot of photos, saw lots of stuff and things and things and more stuff, towns, cows, tulips, tourists yadda yadda here is the first installment.
I brought a couple costume changes. My surf maxi dress is versatile in that it is beachwear and a snuggie at the same time and people’s faces look like question marks here when they see me in it. YOLO EUROs.
It was supposed to be a sunny day. It wasn’t. There’s lots of windmills here. Both retro and modern. I have some trippy videos of them set to trance music or whatever it is the crap that we listen to.
I held my peepee for as long as I could then it got painful, we stopped off at a place where a nice lady let me use her cafe’s facility. She didn’t speak english. Obviously I’m not asking for a danish yo. Bathroom? Can I use your bathroom? Luckily no matter what nationality they are, the word toilet is understood. It’s gotten to the point where I just say TOILET even though I am perfectly capable of saying toiletten cos then they think I am American and know not to f around. I took the above picture after I wizzed, coulda just said that and moved on but nope sorry. Not sorry.
This town is like the Venice of this town. It’s the coldest May ever. Next time I am packing properly.
See how the flag of The Netherlands looks like France? France’s stripes are vertical.
Car pervs everywhere. I bet they all watched us through the windows of that restaurant with binoculars.
You can rent these boats and have a boat picnic and stare at everyone like you have staring problems.
Three girls, one guy, a ton of food.
Which one do you like most?
There’s a lot of Mr. Bean cars here too. Bf says they’re nice looking but break down a lot. Also they’re way too small, so unsafe. I prefer a tank thanks.
That one’s got a Batmobile-looking flare about it.
These are for my dad so just scroll if your eyes start to get heavy.
Think I like the blue one most.
Don’t worry lots of pics of me coming up. This is getting boring though I need to crack a beer to make the funny flow. BTW I haven’t smoked pot in a week. RECORD BREAKING. *takes a pretend bow* This is the longest time I’ve been weed free since I first started smoking again in 2009 post-engagement break-up. Yes I deserve a medal. I’m not even bitchier or moodier or anything for it. Maybe a little bored mentally though, but no more depressed. I’m afraid I’ll have an anxiety attack if I start up again so I don’t really have plans to have at’er.
Then it was sunny for three minutes. Everything looks better bathed in sun. It looks awesome to begin with cos it’s Europe but the sun reeeeeeeally brings out the amaze.
I changed in the car after this. Walking in a bed sheet with my messed up ankle on grass is too dangerous and when people check me out I’m too shy for it I don’t want to walk into a sign like Kanye.
Birds kept dive bombing everyone on this patio. Back-up soon arrived. I love lap cats. Short lived love. Yopi the cat is the boss of this restaurant’s patio. Everyone tried to get her (his?) attention but guess who she liked most? The cat’s hovering was particularly novel because just over yonder were hundreds of drunk people all crowding/partying about and the cat was super chill about it. I like that kinda stuff.
Took a bajillion pics yesterday, went to Amsterdam. On the way there visited a couple lovely places, stay tuned for that. Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Psy and Obama have been to this town called Volendam, we saw their pictures in a photo studio tourist trap store. Going for a walk now. Happy May 2-4 everyone back home don’t blow up your face with fireworks thanks kay bye. Btw it has been the coldest spring on record ever here.
Nacnud, more vintage British car pictures for you coming soon.
Queen’s Day was awesome. Why should I grow up when this art school geezer doesn’t have to? I’d rather be like him than any of you every day of the week. You guys need to check yourself and enjoy life a little more. Me, I’m good. Miss you Canuckleheads.
Zero filter face. Can you show us your haggard under eyebags without a filter, lady? Pfft I doubt it. Here is another flawless picture from last week, click to enlarge it. Zero photoshop, I never do that, zero filters too. I don’t think you’ve posted a filter-less photo in three years or one w/o sunglasses.
Here’s just a whatever one. Simple and arty. Can you be calm, present in your own life and own a simple portrait of yourself proudly? Do you have to hate on absolutely everything you see someone else doing that has totally nothing to do with your stupid fucking shallow try hard life?
Wow I look SO HAGGARD. Look at those disgusting teeth and ridiculous fugly face.
Holy shit this is the grossest I have ever looked I better make a zany facial expression to fill in all my crow’s feet and wrinkles to trick you guys in to thinking I am pretty, no wait, no need to cos my face is fantastic as is.
Okay fine, here’s something wacky. Sorry it just made me look cuter from all the f’s I don’t give. As an aside, I might need to buy a bat to fight off all the dudes who want me here fur sure.
This is me exercising. Because drinking Coke zero equals exercising duh. I’m sorry that I am funnier than you, more original too and you can’t come up with jokes like that on your own. Go write about your swaggy swag now, you empty vessel. What’s your obsession with material worth btw? Things don’t make you better, nor your life. You need be happy being simple, having, wanting, and needing less.
Last night before bed I was adorabs then too. Being cute is a never ending job. When I am forty I will still be cute and my eyes will always be minxy.
Here is a picture of not trying. Try it.
Although some effort should be made to maintain physique, omg don’t forget to harp on me for that too you pathetic freak. You’re so goddamn obsessed with me you’ll write an essay about my shoelace. Can’t you find someone else to harass and jerk off to while crying already? I bet you have a hater hit list a mile long.
I made this for my bf this morning before his meetings because I have zero ambitions. That guy loves the shit out of me.
Hi guys. What’s up. Okay I don’t care. Sorry I didn’t blog yesterday. I felt like it but then I didn’t, so I didn’t even though I spent like fifty hours on the internet looking at everything. It feels kinda pointless to tweet or blog six hours hyperly-ahead of everything else like throwing coins in to a black hole cos none of y’all are up to read it assuming only people on eastern standard time read me. I think I should shift my statcounter ahead six hours so my blog traffic numbers calculate properly. I’ll just add that to the never-ending list of not crappening. Along with calling Rogers to turn off my phone. It’s been a month and I still haven’t done that yet. I have issues with responsibility big time. Especially when I am in trouble.
Today is day three no booze. There’s an alcoholic in my head throwing a red ball at a wall again and again and again, no biggie. Also, I have decided to kick w–d too so my brain should kick in to overdrive any minute now. I want to prove that I can do it. My only fear is boredom. I’ve gone through life wearing rose-tinted brain glasses to protect myself from feelings and depression and I agree now that at thirty maybe I should cut the crap. I’ve gone through a mania before which happens when you dry out after years of Jack Sparrowing it. Your intelligence comes flooding back, you think you’re a genius all of a sudden and delusions of grandeur surround you like a fog. You get more energy and require little sleep so be careful. I’ll keep you posted on all things my brain throughout this journey.
Back to domestic stuff now. We sleep on a king sized bed and lately I sweat a lot when I sleep. I don’t know what that means but I know I wake up drenched halfway through the night, go take a leak and then go back to bed on the other side of him where it is dry and freezing cold then I sweat the rest of my toxins out on that side and in the morning I look like Brunette Carrot Top. There is no point in even trying to have awesome hair here thanks to sleep sweats as well my Canadian hair straightener either doesn’t work or the adapter (both of them) don’t. I trimmed my ends last week, which are always trying to fade to platinum. I can’t wait til my Craymi mane is long and normal and perfect. Putting it up in a bun or ballerina mess suits me good and fine though and when it’s all big after drying from sweat and curly it looks nice with the volume and such. I have chilled out about my looks a ton over the last year so as much as it seems neurotic to blog every little thing, really I don’t care all that much. You only care when you’re single about these things and only diva dudes with city stress care about them too. It’s best keeping up with the Joneses by holding your own-ness.
Update: my new straightener just arrived in the mail back in biz now baby.
Sometimes being a peacock and too many accessories makes me cringe or feel the insecurity of others. I used to think it was a money thing, a very convenient way to go against the label whore herd by being a non-conformist and wearing an outfit worth less than $20 but still looking super fly. I know that it’s not about money entirely. If I gain weight (and I have) I know that an expensive outfit is not going to make me skinnier, or feel any better. I’d prefer to do the work, lose the weight, and wear a sexy cheap camisole like I’m still twenty. Although as women age we are supposed to dress it up more. All these rules.
I am skinnier than this now. This was after the medieval fair. Walking with my shitty ankle on paths and forest hills is challenging and frustrating but you gotta keep at it if you want improvement.
Yesterday morning at 8am (no judging!) my last day of fysio. He was throwing a ball to me while I balanced. Guys, if you have never torn a ligament or busted an ankle MAKE SURE YOU APPRECIATE YOUR MOBILITY cos once it’s gone it is awful. When I bend my knees, only my right knee can bend all the way. My left knee cannot because the ligament is still strained and tight I’m going to stop typing about it now before I start crying okay too late. I miss running. I would be in way better shape right now if I didn’t run in to that goddamn hole in the ocean in Aruba. I have to practice bending my knees and lunging holy crap is lunging ever impossible. Losing the ability to walk has been my greatest fear my entire life and thankfully I can walk but I can’t jog or skip or dance or run which are the best. If there is danger I can’t run. I just need to give it time and in a few months it’ll be better. Time? Who has time? NOBODY! Every time I get up to walk it’s like the injury resets again, my ankle is always stiff I better not limp forever. Complaining session over for now.
I love them. I don’t love that they are resting in a parking spot. I love their love though it’s like The Notebook and can do anything!
If we go to that festival I will be wearing these. I’m going to put them on today to start working them in. They’re a bit big, the 39s were too small. I figure your feet swell a lot from a day of drinking, walking, dancing, biking, falling and so on. I got a pair of vintage keds in a size bigger than normal one summer and they were the best. Neon is super in again and having bright feet will give me all the attention I so desire if so required. I can’t wear heels so I have to make more effort with flats.
Turkish Sunday dinner, this was baked I totally forget and not that I knew to begin with cos it was written in Turkish Dutch. We didn’t bring the camera cos the card was full. I like us-time dates, you are way more in the moment and if you really need to commemorate it just take a phone pic or two. The waiter asked why we were sitting beside each other instead of across like everyone else and bf said because I want to touch my wife and the waiter swooned how romantic. Then he heard my English and his curiosity clocked in at 100%. This is why I can get away with dressing like a potato all the time, my Canadianness is all the dress I need. We sat by the window on the second floor and watched all the other diners and made summaries for all of them and personal promises not to turn out like that couple or that one, but that one was alright because they left arm-in-arm.
Wine coloured polish. Time to get another shade. This post has no point or direction and no weed to juice it up either haha. I just had a few drags of a smoke out of boredom and a third espresso. I’ll make us lunch in a bit but I can tell neither of us are in eating moods yet. I’m going to go through some pics and plan my next post or add some to this one. Maybe troll a few people j/k. Okay brb not that it matters you’re all still asleep!
Hey Monday Mondaze, ready for a Germania high-speed Ferrari chase? Lets do lunch first.
No not this. This was a hangover choice (the most best of all) plus there is definitely not this kind of stupidity at home. I am a life sampler and this sample needs to get in my life. It neither tastes like chicken nor reggae nor spice, so anor-ing. Maybe I’ll feed the rest to the fish.
I don’t think you ever kick candy. That’s a kid thing. Ingrained. When your bf is a diabetic-in-training and addiction is custards and puddings and pastries with custards and puddings IN them, you gotta throw down your own sweet tooth credentials, nah man you’re doing it wrong. I just endured ten cavities and a couple roots on my right side seem to be exposed. I let my mouth get disgusting over the last 5 years.
I was pretty pissed off about this. We scored 2 beers off Worst (yes that is his name, I don’t know why cos he’s the best) when we left but yeah one of them obviously didn’t make it through the night.
Beer funeral is served. I bet half my skeezer readers would let this melt in a cup then drink it later on. I know cos I wanted to but “someone” was like no, glass are you crazy? I’ll drink around the glass! I protested. Like the time I said I will outrun the mosquitos in Thunder Bay when we climbed up the mountain.
Well at least they are romantic. I had a bite of one, then had two more. So good. I also became buzzed off one of his tira misu’s. Awesome.
Another award-winning outfit Lauren. This country is colder than I thought. Mom we were wrong. SO many things you nixed from my wardrobe or talked me out of packing (Smythe blazer hello!) I should have packed. He said Spring/Summer I heard ARUBA. Anyway these are AA pants and looking pretty thin haha.
I like my “new look” though. It just overtly screams COUCH and LAZY and YOU GO TO WORK DRESSED LIKE THAT ON A WEEK DAY? Bahah. No, on “work” days I wear jogging pants bro. j/k I put a nice shirt on last week to skype with Dom. COUNTS. This shirt says St. Moritz which is a rich ski person’s destination in Switzerland. Okay if I’m gonna look like a douchebag it’s gonna be a rich douchebag.
Raining again. It rains off and on a lot here so you better check an App before bike riding or taking your motorcycle. When we got to our destination it was sunny and clear. WTF Europe?
People watching boner time.
This is our regular Italian joint. His friend wasn’t working today. Too bad. They f–ed up a lot of our order ahah.
Well at least they like jazz music.
I like the interior shape of the roof.
And that place.
Even this view.
This “prosecco” was disgusting. Meh. Booze is booze.
Time for a Mom feature Little Raymis. It has been been awhile plus this w/e it’s all about yo mama! Lets check out what the dream team Tracey the Minx and Lolo got from The Drake General Store for their Mom Wow shopping date. Ten times cooler than sending flowers, these chicks love to do things (spazzes). So a shopping excursion and lunch in the city courtesy of my home away from home homies The Drake/General Store was the dopest idea. I can’t be there to do it myself this year and do the here is a construction paper card with a crappily drawn flower on it DAUGHTER OF THE YEAR custom-made. Hell I bet if I made those I could sell them for $100 each (self inflated egotism at its best). Remind me to assemble a team of interns to make homemade cards and plagiarize my name on them as my next career move project to fizzle out after 6 months.
Nice stems jeezis. Nice glasses too! I love how they copy and one-up each other constantly, we always copy each other’s “thing” it’s cute, playful, and fun. Monkey see monkey do. Life is a mirror.
I love this store. Ever since it opened. The owners are dreamy too.
I have never eaten so many eggs in my life since living here.
As a writer I have a great affinity for books, journals, note paper, whimsical stationary, collecting meticulously effortlessly designed notebooks. This makes my heart swoon.
I love this photo. Lois is my godmother. Am I a mother collector? I think I am. GAhah. All your moms are belong to us! I think it’s because my mom is like a child and I am a habitual f–up I am a never-ending fix it project based upon my totally aggressively laid back lifestyle. In other news we watched Our Idiot Brother last night fwahaha.
These I love. I want to make a terrarium. I wish I was not so lazy that I would make one. I want to be the kind of person who makes terrariums. Like David Suzuki. I think I would faint if I met him. National Treasure. His daughter seems wicked too.
Why yes. I. am.
I can only imagine how Dom dealt with them on Thursday haha she said they were very charming. I said my mom is worse than me no filter, which is the charming part D said. AWWWW.
Nice. I knew my mom would have a field day photographing in there. Bonus Mother’s Day gift for the obsessive shutterbug.
In their natural habitat, divas.
Okay ok ocray.
Oh my god I want new clothes so bad.
I want that dress. Love this picture. Florida tanned.
Canadian summers are the best though.
I would love to table dress. I like arranging things, decorating, kitschy vintage-modern, post modern eclectic, nostalgic curiosities. I am a “things” kind of person. Things are based on emotions, the need to tap in to them also if you’re a loner you like play things to fill in for people.
As a girl, how does this box of beads make you feel? She either got it as a gift for a girl or for herself and now she’s going to make me a bracelet.
This makes me feel awesome. Plus “I need it”. I need it in a cabin I don’t own yet.
I guess my mom “needed” this too. She has a lot of jewelry. I “need” some of it. Lol.