Welcome to my birthday party of one, starring Bum Bum Lauren and a gift from Jodie which finally got to me now. My birthday was March 31 btw. Anyway, it’s Jodie’s actual birthday today can ya frigging believe it? I don’t even know how long she has been a Little Raymi for, probably a long time. Back when I was good at blogging. If we have learned anything from David Letterman’s farewell broadcast from last night it’s to self-deprecate your skills always and forever like the champ you are (not).
This is Jodie btw everyone! She lives in Edmonton!
I remember when “unboxing” was all the rage (when I started doing it and NO ONE else was #humblebrag) it was exciting to get mail and that makes a compelling video because you capture a moment, a feeling, a real feeling of joy and the mystery of what is this?? When agencies started sending me stuff and like megaloads of it, duplicates of swag meant to tastemake and share with your cool friends it was always like, is this really happening? Unboxing is a huge trend right now fyi apparently.
I do get mailed things from time to time that I don’t blog and trust me I feel like a POS about it. Usually it’s books I don’t find the time to read and pass along I am sorry if you have sent me something and I didn’t do right by you. I encourage you to keep trying. Pester me.
Thank you Jodie. So touching and Happy Birthday to you too – may this blog post of your generosity to Planet Raymbo serve as a cheapskate birthday gift back.
Another thing about these Little Raymis people is they are selfless as shit. Okay I’ll stop being a ding dong and get on with the show!
I was going to wear that mangled ribbon in my hair for a few selfies to be funny but I forgot therefore didn’t. Damn.
Rocky was delighted you thought of him too.
Oh well now eh!
I tweeted this quote, an artsy hipster image I ripped off tumblr a week before Jodie facebooked me and showed me this t-shirt that she was buying me for my birthday. Go for it I said being all flattered and teary-eyed.
Abrasive girl bro culture shirt in full-effect I wonder how people are gonna dig me out ‘n about can’t wait haha.
Ready for the beach mon.
This one has cat hair on it. Jodie do you have a cat?
This would be a good outfit to wear to WWF no? I love Pandas. Am I driving you guys crazy yet with my stupid jokes or do you want more?
There’s my abs my flabs. My ex whom I hang with sometimes I don’t know why because we are constantly awful to each other but anyway he made a dig at me and said, “your aging body” during a whatsapp fight and I snapped, naturally. But yesterday he was like damn it must be nice to have a hot body like that. Seriously. Fuck men, while I’m at it. I’m not really dating right now I’m just hating. My tinder pile doth grow though. I tell everyone I use it for self-promotion WHICH is true AND does work BUT there is also a hopeful curiosity about the needle in a stack of needles aspect of it. I just want to be in love again that’s basically it. I am fine and happy with my social group and all of that, content, but you know there is just something about connecting with someone that makes life better, you feel less like a monastic fucking monster lunatic and then you get in crazy shape from all the wicked sex and you’re less bitchy blabbity blah etc.
Sayonara for now. I want to get another chapter of writing in. I’m writing a new book. It’s a sex book. Each chapter is a sexual encounter, all anonymous and currated from the “best of” highlights.
Unrelated, I finally saw Fifty shades of Grey yesterday. It was BORING and Christian Grey makes me want to beat the shit out of some guys IRL I/we know, dunno why…hmmm. LOL.
I see that I applied my makeup like an idiot yesterday. Whatever.
I did not know that garbage bag would be in the shot. GREAT STUFF!
I don’t ever want to wear a string backpack ever again. It’s like hot burning rope digging into your tan. Exactly like that.
Went ALL OVER streetsvegas yesterday. Long day. Was awesome. Mom was shooting a Nepal benefit. Mad nostalgia-laden that town is. I dragged my roommate everywhere.
Ten years of my life spent here.
Three here. I transferred in grade 9 from catholic cos I was so done with religion. I also wanted a change of scene. I graduated in grade 12, but I think I took some extra credits? Going to summer school in England is what sealed it all up fast track style for me I think. I will have to go look into this.
Pretty awesome seat to watch the concert which ended around 6:30.
Had to keep ordering here because I wanted to watch from the patio. We left for another long adventure then came back again to watch the rest of the show. I have ADD. If there was a family circus cartoon of our foot traffic all over streetsville, it would be ridiculous!
This is from Holland. Mom snatched it right off me.
I’ll be blogging Saturday’s pool jam birthday party bonanza pics later on this week. All the things.
To be continued.
One more thing. This is my Nana and I from last summer at my cousin’s wedding. I was her date because my Papa RIP. It was an emotional and lovely occasion so this is a truly poignant photo. My brother saw it and was like um who took that photo? I was like why??? He was like because it’s like, good! He thought some big shot photographer took it. A wedding photographer bro that’s all. Oh Nana. <3
And this for good measure. Kay Happy Victoria Day all.
(I was going to talk about how I started writing again, Lauren Writing again but forgot but intended too zzzz k bye).
It’s gorgeous out better wrap this up quickly. Blabbity blah here’s some stupid crap about myself etc etc go blogging.
Versatile pieces, mix n match master.
I always feel at conflict with photographing my body. Sharing it. Like I should feel shame. Like there is something specifically about me that sets off other women when I go lewd. When I reach a happy goal and don’t give a _____ because I am going through some shit right now, it bothers me. To let others’ nasty comments affect me. Influence. Something that I daily work on for me. People are gross, long story short.
Last night was awesome though. We dominated trivia and won. Had a big crew. Lots of wings and good times. Next week it’s Kevin Bacon! I should tweet him. Okay I just did LOL. I JUST saw Footloose for the first time a few nights ago. On the weekend I guess maybe that’s why it felt extra magical? I mean there is stardust and glitter at the end of the movie. People have been enjoying my obtuse facebook status updates about movies I’ve seen 30 years after the fact. I have seen a lot of movies but somehow (it happens to us all) a few classics slipped through the cracks. “Must see” classics I mean. Like, the entire Godfather trilogy. We rented them like good citizens you know but I avoided watching because I saw that they were a double VHS copy (LONG BORING!) and I wanted to watch unicorns and shit instead right? So I played in my room while my brother and dad got through them.
Fast forward to now, a few weeks ago and I watched all three godfather movies! An accomplishment for real seeing as no one has time anymore for anything let alone 3 fucking 3 hour installments BUT everything makes sense now. Why guys are so hard for gangster shit and how much goodfellas and casino could not exist without The Godfather. How Andy Garcia is so spanish for this role and watching with my latin ex who is an expert on all things spanish therefore… anyway it was an awesome escape definitely to sit down with the right attention span and take in these movies I have somehow avoided major plot point spoilers for decades. I also talked about my movie watching progress throughout with my one Italian friend and it KILLED HIM to hear my anecdotes, pure comedy you’re welcome.
There you have it.
Last night. I toyed with wearing a belt or not. Who says I need to wear a belt?
Greasy hair a bit. Felt Rock and Roll yesterday I guess. Got some good shots outside during sunset though please standby.
Hello gorgeous. Got twenty minutes to kill well stick with me then. Went to Mount Nemo on Saturday and it was super fun.
Hiking is so good for the soul and the body. Will do more of it in my life have decided. If you wanna hike with me anytime lemme know I’m game for it!
You’ll have to take my pic a little bit along the way perhaps but what else is new right!
This thing jumped out at me. Wasn’t huge but enough to startle me. Then hissed at me too, oh really? Fuckin’ snakes. So useless. Nobody likes you!
Storm damage hither and yon.
What’s good about Mt nemo is you can walk along the escarpment up there and have many different vantage points to look out then you do the whole trail, it’s not too long and definitely not too short but just perfect which is why it’s my new fav. Been here many times before as a kid too so it holds the nostalgia factor.
No makeup, looking kinda downwards at camera is a ballsy boldsy move when one is looks obsessed and has an image of beauty to uphold. We all can look fug lets be real here but to be hot while fug is something to own I believe and especially as we age because we all do! I had a great time so it’s okay to smile and look like you’re enjoying yourself. There is always some loser out there willing to point out your flaws so I will beat them to it. It was a magical hike and you cannot take any more joy away from me. Fifteen years of blog abuse makes someone like this. I am not the only one with insecurities who uses instagram filters and wears sunglasses.
It’s chilly out today yet the weekend was SO NICE no matter how muggy grey this photo is I assure you it was like the Raymazon.
Time to sculpt my guns some more. Once over 30 your body requires constant maintenance.
I was “being funny” here.
I took this bench shot exactly like this because I thought it would be a whimsical facebook header photo. I still have my eye for shit despite all my narcissist selfies don’t worry.
“Don’t push me cos I’m close to the edge.” Something like that.
We enjoyed, watched and listened to these birds circling for awhile. Hawks?
But of course.
We kept coming upon all these dangerous edge parts of the mountain and so I wanted to get an ultra risky picture knowing that night I’d play it all back in my head and then get vertigo and the sweats hahaha. I jumped one of the cracks later on and THAT is when I got the fear and stopped fucking around up there. He jumped one part then I chose an even wider gap and once I landed it I got the spooks and did a little pee pee can’t believe I just did that dance.
The drop down that thing… no chance of survival. That is as close as I was comfortable to getting. A lot of these pics you can’t tell how dangerous and stupid they actually are that I’m posing in. I felt reckless I guess. Don’t care if I sound like a pussy and this is nothing to you. For my comfort zone it was pretty dangerous enough.
That zit on my nose has been hanging out for a few days haha.
See the actual edge there! What an idiot!!!!
That would be painful.
Afraid of heights anyone? I know some people who are.
Each time we thought we were done with the edge pics a new spot would appear.
A huge bee was swarming around here at the time too, you can see that dot floating above me well anyway not the best place to be dodging a big fat bee at all.
I took all these awesome pics of him like this so I had to copy for myself.
These looked REALLY green to me at the time. I used my phone until the battery died pretty much. Forgot my camera. We went to eat in Lowville afterward and then for another hike. Hiking makes me fungry.
Yo there sports fans, ready? Why not! Yesterday was just a gong show. Or maybe I am just the gong show. Probably. No, but it was fun. The weekend over all was pretty decent.
The ride back from Port Credit was very foggy. Shit got REAL O_O but your hero survived. Don’t worry.
Lots of zen moments to balance out the cray.
Some Robocop moments were tight as well.
Happy Mama’s Day doe!
I felt like boat trash so I fixed up my face. I didn’t really wear makeup this weekend, embracing the natural and tan I have been building on my mug. Mom gave me this long black hoodie, it has ninja gloves for running (or boating!) and I love it. I got hosed on buying her mother’s day dinner but whatever worth it you know I love to foodie out. This week I am going to eat like a rabbit. I reduced my new “base line” and I want to maintain it godsarnit.
Pulling up to the restaurant by boat was amazing and felt obnoxious and EVERYBODY was watching the entire time. We had a laugh.
Once the rain stopped yesterday was gorgeous and nice and hot in the sun. Rushing to the boat was mental however, I will refrain from making this post any kind of negative so nevermind.
Oh, well, hello.
As you can see I had no time to do my hair yesterday. Whatevs.
Yeah sure this will be a decent boat outfit lets do this!!!
I did not eat all of that avocado. Notice only TWO pieces of bacon and ONE egg. I am trying. Ha.
This was such a good lady drink mmm mmm yum. I had jerk shrimp for an app. They lost my order. The girl avoided our table for 20 minutes. Bad form. I did not snap at all I will have you know haha. Shared chicken dijonaise for a main with mom.
There’s a lot of teeth in this blog post I noticed.
Annual captain’s hat selfie.
Keep it real mom love ya!
Went for a great hike on Saturday I’ll post those photos in their own post.
Bought flowers for my ex’s mother. I met her last week. We hang. As friends. Yeah I’m not gonna go there right now lol.
Walking in the forest in that muggy heat felt like the amazon I very much needed an escape and it was perfect. I went to the doctor because I wasn’t feeling well also this Saturday. Been feeling very stressed and it’s starting to appear in the form of affecting my health. She was like go for a walk and I was like okay done.
Love Mount Nemo.
Cowabunga my friends.
I put on a bit of a secret fashion show. I found these booty bathingsuit shorts (not pictured here) I am finally less love handled enough to wear. You will have to wait though. My phone is crammed with shit because I forgot my camera because I am a dingaling.
I definitely ate like a beast this weekend. I can make myself look like a treasure troll when I’m said and done with it. No hips, belly sticking out with hip bones like what the fuck??? hahaha.
This isn’t even the half of it.
I love this skirt.
I saw a coyote. Took many more pics I put on facebook that if for not them would not have at all remembered.
Got incinerated by the sun here wearing all black. Smart move idiot.
Hope your Mondays were ________! Hasta la vista for now.
Ready for some disgusting? I decided to make good on sharing pictures from my camera from that movie I did a couple weeks ago. All life events deserve a second chance, a last dance.
Two things. 1. the “appliance” piece had fat buckles on it 2. I’m thinner meow than I was this day but whatever. Requisite girl insecurity thing to say. I also put catwang on all the nipples to make sure no one gets offended ffs! You will still be offended anyway I bet YOU ALWAYS F(*&%(%ING ARE!
I got to keep my underwear. Sexy. I kept saying it was the scariest part of the movie.
“I was feeling” my thumb ring, hair, shades, self and nails.
When my hair is nice and long I’m going to do all sorts of weird and beautiful artistic portraits. Yeah, I’m gonna, I’m gonna, always I’m gonna.
I look like Animal, that muppet here. Looking fwd to getting more highlights in.
It was an interesting, long, fun, exhausting day.
So gross. So real. Fantastic.
I just had to get mirror shots of our bods together when the hell else will this ever happen to me?
The more you sit around the more the wound changes in appearance. I bet it looked awesome on camera.
The buckle line right where my torso curves on its own is so perfect and vile. It’s hard to take a picture of yourself from this angle.
I was not prepared for the acting part of the job. I had the smirks for the first scene take and was panicking in my head that OH NO now I have to actually act, I forgot about that part LOL. By the end of several takes (it’s a long scene) I got holding my breath for long periods (I’m a trained swimmer) down pat and holding my face still when the sheet is removed off my body on the morgue slab. I wanted to bust out laughing each time oh man what a challenge. I can’t wait to see One Drop.
Actually prefer this one without the catwang but such is blog life.
Hi guys. Okay I blog now. It’s funny feeling like you need to announce it before disappearing into a vortex of ignorance for a bit. A luxurious self indulgent personal treat of not looking at your bloody phone for a little while. Those things are the death of you.
This weekend I just kinda laid low, don’t I always though. It was equal parts relax and active. Relaxtive. Laxative. Okay I will stop. Never.
Blessed with amazing weather which was half pissed away but what can you do. It was a crazy week Raymbo needed some down time. Why do we feel guilt for not maximizing our spare time (weekends) and take it easy. Are we competing? It’s a Canadian pointless guilt thing.
I have been making this easy appetizer for years and years. Food travels through time with us. Right. Like I didn’t have to augment or change this. Why am I mindblown?
There’s a boat fire *spoiler alert* in Bloodline, a show I blasted through last couple of weeks on netflix, that they replay over and over. I have always been fascinated with ships. I watched The Godfather for the first time this weekend plus the second one. He comes to America on a ship. Maybe ships scare me. They make me think of change and I fear change a little. Traveling from one place to another by ship makes me feel claustrophobic and vulnerable. Ships are impressive to me. Clearly I have a lot of feelings about a lot of things… so lets move on to the next.
Moron. If I am eating a cupcake it’s BECAUSE I am sad. If I run to sugar = the sad is here. That’s why you will never find me with a cupcake in my hand because I will not admit defeat. If I am sad I am eating pizza (or have munchies). I realize I am making no sense and I don’t care it’s Monday fml.
Went for a long walk Saturday and popped into this store I love.
I felt kind of melancholy this weekend. I’m turning into a nihilist and I don’t like it.
What do I want and what is the point. I think all the greatest artists had meltdowns and periods of bullshit right before their best ideas happened. Or I am making that up. There is an orchestra and potential of greatness in my head at all times but I am starting to doubt myself and wonder if I have been suffering from a mental illness my entire life that has blocked me from my true achievement? I see things that I am doing. Things I am doing to myself. Things I have thrown away. Walked away from. Maybe I am more Kerouac than I think? I know that I try to fix too many problems out of my control whilst trying to Raymi The Minx keep on trucking through but I wonder at what point does it change, do I give up. No one will ever come to save you. People will be interested when you give them something. When you give them a story and you tell the truth. From the heart. When I speak to my circle of savant idiots sometimes about my truth, they know it, we both know it — that, that’s it. I just wonder when the fuck I am going to make good on it is all. I worry myself. I worry about everything. My mind is like a lost highway.
I had to use a string for a belt. I felt a bit of shame I will admit but also, dgaf. Hanging out with your ex is interesting also nice. We get along better when we are not dating. I have never been in a relationship-scenario such as this before. I simply “do not get it” but also “whatever”. I think we actually are compatible and care about one another but we can also turn it off and drop each other cold. It’s ridiculous but so am I. I still get jealous that he’s on tinder and he’s like want me to delete it, I will right now. Meanwhile I have a million matches… but I just don’t care. Last week I felt like a bit of a date machine and this week I am grossed out. I am tired of all these dudes wanting to just fuck me. I am not going to act like a dainty virgin to find the proper husband either or play that tired game which is why I am turning into a nihilist and feeling like what’s the point.
I know I am depressed when I am at my skinniest and it’s in part from emo but also I “made it” to my goal and dgaf. What a pointless waste. Then I eat crap all weekend and blow it. When our outward image is what we rely on for our happiness life fulfillment quotient we can’t be shocked when we still feel a little empty inside. I’ve spoken about this before. You spend your life trying to get skinny for some stupid reason and then you get skinny but you still feel like shit. That’s why you must work on your insides too. I would go to therapy again but I just end up running them ’round in logical talk circles about my “plight” then I just stop going. I wonder if that last guy thinks I’m dead. The material could just be put here instead for you guys to enjoy with the same outcome.
Nothing fits me right now. All the cute outfits I picture myself kicking ass in just can’t happen in actuality when I put them on. I am going to take all my shorts to that consignment shop my mom won’t stop harassing me about. I offered them to you guys but a million tumbleweeds blew by when I opened my mouth so you missed your chance.
Fortunately for me the tortured artist carries with it some form of appeal for the amount of time one has appeal. As long as they keep it real.
I know I rhyme a lot, I just can’t help it. Some people can’t write or think for shit so I guess just enjoy it when you come across it. Literates who love to read and what not it’s like a melody for their brain to go over prose with flow. Like when obsessive compulsive people have completed organizing something, a ziploc bag closes properly, you fold a blanket I dunno it just feels good to read something well-written and unexpected. With proper grammar. It’s like a fucking orgasm to have a blog post without typos and everything typed to perfection.
Oh my god I need a life.
Friday was a skinny, exhausted day. I recovered from the night/day before then made a chicken. The tastiest goddamn chicken ever I don’t care how burnt it looked on instagram haha.
I felt pretty on Thursday. Instead of someone who acts like they are pretty on the internet. I was feeling my looks. I didn’t go down the rabbit hole of what that means about it don’t worry and I am not even sorry or going to apologize for it here.
The Carlu is a great scene. Historic. The comedians at Comic Vision were hilarious and it was inspiring to see a 21 year old blind girl in high heels and a tutu give us all a mega-learning. Such a spectacular event thanks Ben! I have full and better coverage on my camera but I’m a lazy prick sorry.
I got hit on on the train ride in. My limo driver picked me up for the way home so I didn’t mind half the experience being ghetto but anyway I am so bad in getting hit on situations I give my number regardless of liking them or having any inclination on how to follow through with it even if I wanted to full bluff myself long story short he texted and I haven’t replied and he called yesterday and I called the number back by mistake because I didn’t program him but I hung up before it engaged the call (THANK GOD) it’s not that I am being a bitch it’s that I am a chicken shit with awkward problems. I gave him my fucking glamourshot card with all my info so he will probably read this and call me out. All I did was speak to him when he motioned me over, exactly how I motioned over that guy I saw in a pizza parlor in New Orleans. I knew I wasn’t feeling it but maybe I was? I was curious above all else and my ego was satiated which probably is what rules me but anyway, the train was coming so I was going to get up anyway so I get up and walk out to him knowing I am going to give him exactly the same courtesy I give all men – abuse flirting.
I said, “WHAT!?” when I walked out. Playing it chill. I was dressed to kill. His mouth dried right up he was not expecting something so rude and self-assured to occur. Well bro look how I was dressed. Is it racist to say he was a brother? I don’t care, it’s true, it’s honest. It does not matter your race to me what matters is attraction and I am attracted to lots of things, genders. Right now I am not really attracted to anything because I am too busy being disgusted by myself. That’s what I should put on my tinder profile actually because it would probably help and explain a lot hahaha. I’M BROKEN BUT I’M TRYING.
We had a table in the front row. Sometimes it’s nice to be me. Hooked up by SiriusXM yes guy. #ownthyshit.
Oh blurry Bluren. Just picture a bunch of rich stuffy people to be jealous of and you’re good to go.
There needs to be a term for a girl who is dressed up to go out that is equivalent to the hallmark “walk of shame” because she is definitely a pre-walk of shame photo fur sure.
For the fist time ever I will attempt shrinking these little shorts I never put in the dryer. Prob too late tho I think my juicy ass had its way with ‘em.
My limo buddy also has this toy to play with what a fuckface right ahha.
We went for a quick ride/errand thing together and he shows up in this loud monstrosity, the nerve! That’s one of his sayings he’s a total italian blabbity blah.
As emo as I get I should just shut up because I am truly blessed with the collection of friends I’ve amassed and the spoils they bring with. It’s good to have reminders.
Can you believe this is grandfathered out. The car is so powerful and look at me loud (and red) and you’re only wearing a necklace around your waist for safety good luck with that. I look fwd to doing the strip at Wasaga in this bad boy. Btw notice my nails are long now and getting there.
I look like a soft blob but assure you I am not. If one is moved to take a risky bikini picture then in that moment they feel skinny, it just might not translate in photo. Can you tell I’ve been online bullied for years about my body? Lol.
Had to tuck in my wrestling ring strings to not get a weird tanline. I just found these tiny booty shorts that I’ve been looking for to match this top.
Honestly I am proud of my body for my age. It doesn’t make me a God though so maybe chillax on your haterade.
I went on a date this night I wanted to see how tired and allergy-ridden my eyes were looking, hence this picture. He asked if I would blog about him. I paused and said, well, no. Maybe? It didn’t occur to me at all. Only if there is something of note to report, or perhaps over time when no one is looking I’ll eek out a detail here or there but mostly I keep it private or anonymous. Is asking if I’ll blog about what makes me blog about it? He’s a guy who lives nearby and we have been each other’s match for the few times I have been on tinder but never met before or made effort so we finally met. Also we were in the pub that I was interviewed by The Toronto Star about the dissolution of my engagement in. I chose this pub because it is near where I lived then with my rebound and I hadn’t been back since. I told him about this because sometimes people can be disrespectful about blogging or like, so what? And then very invasive about what you get paid so I felt like oh yeah buddy, the news interviewed me here about my stupid fucking life. Not all bloggers receive that achievement in their life. Ever. This date was not like that at all in actuality but it was such a “real” setting to me and held nostalgic vibe. The waitress was ultra friendly to me and kept sitting down beside me, right? Sometimes people are so attracted or drawn to me and it cannot be helped. I’m an isolated person in general but I do give off an energy when I enter a room, people notice me and I notice it and I engage them… I let it happen. Maybe this entire blog is just me trying to come to terms with that phenomenon and explaining it to you and everyone around me when we meet and go on dates. Like I am special because ________ _______ ________, you know? I actually think that’s what it is.
Well I’m glad I got over my writer’s block. I wanted to blog since Friday so this is all saved up crap from my head. I’m cognizant when I blog I just have to narrow down which stories I want to tell and I use my photos as talking points to aid in that.
If rock and roll was a blog I’d be _______.
This is how I dressed to see my accountant. I wore two different sized earrings but both were crystal which is why I made the mistake. No one noticed. Another Rayme in the life.
Went to a Sunday fight with my mom and Frank was good times. I was over-dressed lol.
Ate a lot of grease.
Give them what they want that’s what I always say. What “that” exactly is can be up to you.
Remembering am skinny enough to pull this off face and before I became pregnant with onion rings.
Sorry it’s all about me but that’s what my blog is about.
Oh yeah I was in a movie too… we talked about that haha.
Alrighty folks. Hope you enjoyed this crap! xo rlw.