Am I the A**hole here

Screenshot 2023-03-29 090111

Well, I certainly hope that this story I’m about to share is worthy of you precious people’s times and I don’t come out looking like an asshole for even bothering telling it at all. A lot of my favoured (by people) blog posts are the ones in which I am in conflict or have strong bitchy opinions about some slight that happened out there in the mean streets so I’m just gonna go with it.

Went grocery shopping the other day, grabbed some essentials, pies that were on special, a cucumber, hummus, gingerale, avocados, tostitos blah blah. Now, I’m in a small town where the lighting in this charming local supermarket is very yellow, NO ONE is around, there’s just a few customers here and there no big rush all chill-paced one would think. I can even smell the place right now just typing about it, it’s oozing with smalltown market vibes. Which is unfortunate because I am about to ruin everything about that.

I am majorly impatient. I can’t deal with lines. I am constantly hedging my bets in terms of timing when I will be approaching that check-out. I saw a guy come in and noticed a few minutes later he was already checking-out and I was like NICE this will be a slice.

The lay-out of this rinky-dink store is claustrophobic and by the time I was making my way to the aisles I required I felt like I was in a maze that was getting progressively smaller and once I finally sling-shot around to make my way out I had come down some diagonal corridor where the pops were wedged in all WTF-like you just gotta see it yourself you’ll know what I mean.

Also, I will note that we are in a recession right now it’s safe and horrible to say like people are stealing groceries these days and booze more so than ever, it’s all going up. I mention this because I am a born cheapskate/deal hunter, creative in my purchases with what I will blow and what I’ll scrimp on nahhm sayin’ so you best believe my pies were 50% off about to expire (plus they were delicious!) and my avocados were two for $4 and my hummus was also on sale 2 for $8 and would you think this lone teenage girl cashier had all that properly scanned in without me having to direct her the entire time? absofuckinglutely not.

Now. As previously stated I have zilcho patience I am basically a Karen-in-disguise but with compassion and moments of clarity like I do not wig out in supermarkets I am as the kids say, “chill”. However, the ACTUAL Karen in-line behind me had none of those qualities. Oh here we go I just knew she was gonna blow a fucking gasket when I looked at the screen and said, “those avocados are 2 for $4″ lol.

Bear in mind I am wearing my black cat ears cap turned backwards my dickies plaid hick jacket and jogging pants. I look very backwoods I ain’t got time for that big city fashions nonsense. I am a tall, confident woman. I have “an energy” about me like I would not fuck with me if I saw me, you know? This Karen would not stare me in the eye once during this entire ordeal yet she had a full body temper tantrum every time I spoke to the cashier. Of course my hummus wasn’t coming up with the sale price so the girl has to walk all the way to produce/bakery section and retrieve it which is when I locked my gaze on Karen and wouldn’t look away. She didn’t look at me once but was huffing and puffing like no other. At the penultimate moment of another girl opening up a lane this Karen literally stomped her feet with her hands in fists over how annoyed she was about having to move her granola bars and whatever the crap over to the newly-opened lane. Like, if you just took a few calm deep breaths and laid back a minute we will be done here shortly and you could just stay here but nope.

Is it my fault I chose three things that the manager hadn’t yet inputted into the system? No. Is it my fault that we are in a recession therefore I bought those particular items purposely even though all my shit still came out to $42. This is why there’s self checkout now I am sure some people just literally have no clue how to do social interaction justice like in the good ol days. I will give boomers that, they DO know how to gab.

But anyway the point of this story is that my feelings were hurt by someone being annoyed for a few minutes and I was the villain. I could do nothing about it like I hate people in front of me in line with a burning passion when they have a ton of shit and you’re in a hurry only buying a few things and then she starts couponing or whatever or just needs to go back and grab one more thing holy hell if heads could explode mine would when that happens so NOW being that woman I felt like I deserved every outburst this Karen threw my way but like in a cowardly fashion she didn’t have the nerve to confront me yet hated my guts. She even looked at the young couple behind her for help and they just shrugged confused and looked at me so I stood there like a statue this was embarrassing me now it was just a really weird vibe all around. I feel lucky to be alive, privileged and blessed, so when I see other people having meltdowns it makes me sad. Too many feelings!

Karen drove a pristine blue BMW. She left her cart in the middle of the parking lot and peeled out of there, exhaust billowing behind in the cold dusk air. This took maybe four minutes of her unhappy life. There’s a lesson in here somewhere and if you find it, please let me know. Other than that a lot of us need anger management aide, people need to calm tf down better. And yes, she had a shitty haircut.

insert blog title

Good LORD it has been awhile, “sorry” and you don’t care either way yo hello what is up? I guess we’ll do some sort of wrap-up catch-up now then.

It’s a gorgeous one out there today gonna fire this off super quick then hit the town. It’s going to be even hotter on the weekend. Righteous!

Sweet deal around the corner from us going on right now def grabbing again before it expires for good. It’s nice to take a night off from cooking too. Starting to make the same crap all the time it gets tiring too.

The party light came out Halloween night super trippy fun dance party playing lots of records.

This was THE scariest thing ever he jumps out at you all these amazing terrifying installations I’m talking PRO-level my GOD you must check it out next year these people are nuts like a whole row of them compete with their crazy scary houses it was bananas. Tarantulas on censors jump out at you oh man I hit the roof hahaha.

Made the randomest of costumes it came together alright we were hanging in our friend’s backyard and the temperature legit dropped and we had run out of firewood too these are thermal pants but started to get chilled to the bone which is why today’s hot weather is super interesting!

Got burritos crushed them by the lake on another cold as hell night windy spooky too cold to hang around too long though we try.

That wind off the lake bruh boy she strong from here on out I am going to just tell you the temperature of each picture.

Cute bunneh.

oh noes the feets ahh I die. Mike said you could pretty much just touch it so I was like okay but then the bunny definitely did NOT want that haha nice try.

Love it. All that sparkly Christmas extra-ness yessssssssuh.

Like obviously someone needs this in their house.

This is me blinking in Christmas land.

So many people messaged me about this place asking where it is what it is I am like bro can you handle it it’s Christmas old lady heaven in there plus farm animals AND a restaurant supermarket.

Omg I love this no shame or irony whatsoever.

*faints*. I think it’s the collector side to a person, the desire to possess trinkets and what-not.

I picked these up a little while ago they’re dead now am thinking of what I want next flowers cheer and class a place up, no?

Distorted because had to zoom in to capture all the lights-action. A phone upgrade would resolve this issue.

This one is my fav. The owner came out cos we were all milling around the property she said we scared her it was funny but I was also like well your front lawn is a horror show people gonna flock. Speaking of horror show, how bout that election hey? Yikes.

Dave Chappelle and Letterman. SO GOOD.

:)

That’s Barfy. We love him quite possibly her, I dunno I get boy vibes but he reckless so maybe then he’s a woman? Lol who knows. He’s been MIA the last couple visits so I hope all is good.

So fab.

Okay cashing out my chips now I bid you adieu we’ll meet again soon have a good one xo!

heard u were lookin for me

Hello its been awhile. Thirteen days, to be exact. Which is a short while if you consider my infrequency yadda yadda ya. I’m ready if you are.

I felt like I was in the mood to blog yesterday and today but now here I am and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hey is that that “cell phone charger” purse everyone made fun of Kim Kardashian for not too long ago? I think it is or something thereof and now I want it… so small and compact, for all the clubbing that I do not do.

One Christmas, two ago, I showed up to my Nana’s wearing this and my mom was wearing a red plaid shift dress too. We have had this happen many times over the years it’s a cosmic like mother like daughter thing, with no prior planning or talking, it just happens.

This post is just an old fashioned smattering. Blogging for the sake of blogging. Blog and telling. Honestly, the good things that happen just from pressing publish here sometimes y’all might just try it for yourselves huh? Talk less shit and do more shit.

How to make friends: buy some.

Hi girls.

Bedridden all weekend basically movie after movie bender. We went out for Mr. Greek Sunday early night and it was DEAD. The soup sucked. The salad, okay.

I don’t mind the post apocalyptic vibe after watching infinity end of the world movies this weekend. This setting would be trashed if that were real. I know they hooked it up with Dollarama decorations as there was one in the parking lot and I used MY BRAIN.

Looked normal but was bland. Needed soup all the same ah suppose.

Not the best foodie photo in terms of subject.

On my walk home the other night. This store always has a cute display alack I’m not into clutter I have enough but I appreciate the artwork. We are drawn to things that remind us of things we once experienced or owned, another time period.

I’m blessed I don’t have a sweet tooth. I love photographing sweets though, decadent, colourful, darling confectionaries that they are. I can’t walk by a Fortino’s bakery showcase without getting whiplash on my phone camera arm capturing those bad boys fast enough. Stay tuned on this though I just recalled something I have coming down the pipeline for y’all regarding dessert.

I think this is the Kylie lipstick app. It’s basic. I dun curr.

My NEXT post will be about the ADVENTURES OF RAYMARIE. Get it? Marie and me? BYE BRANGELINA.

Big appreciator of the Burlington sunset game. It’s always gorgeous from the vantage point of this parking lot. It is the best I don’t care how much suburban shit is in the way.

Oh hi there you’ve been indoctrinated into the Burlington town club :).

I do it’s true. It stems from year’s back during my early hey day of emo selfies gazing into the lens trying to out-stare myself. I am the subject, I am the artist gazing back at. Some people have resting bitch face, me? Stoic. Because my mind is sizing up everything before me, calculating shit I is busy guy. I also admire the vacancy a la editorial aesthetic.

I love Toronto. You get to go on a magical Christmas adventure everywhere you turn.

Last week Monday and now she’s back in Mumbai honestly one of my greatest lesser known lowkey pals, cos of that whole doesn’t live here thing but we’re all huge fans. Come back soon!

Nostrils check. jk. I was just so tired-looking this day it seemed to be the only flattering angle to get me at. I worked at wework this day because a mystery package arrived of beautiful psychedelic lipsticks and sometimes the universe is like Raymi here, you need some more disco in your life and you are like yasss bitch!

This lipstain stays on hours so I don’t have to feel naked lipped like I normally am. It’s all in the details.

Yesturrrrrrday and I am okay with that.

Always take several variations of the same picture so as to ensure pissing off everybody.

Got these for my Dad lol. We should live in a society where we get paid for a brief review of every item we ever buy as to always be making money back. I’m not wrong. Like, if you wanted to know my thoughts about either of these things? You gotta pay for that even if it’s a shit review you get paid oh the things I would say about this grilled chicken pasta lean cuisine CRAP A LA CRAP right now. There is my brief review now put $1 into my account thanks bye hahaha.

Nana’s tree on fleek. Always is. Oh but if this tree could talk lol.

Sure I’m down you know it.

Work hallway.

Wedge salad I can still taste, think about, and will eat again.

This is the other bathroom at work it took me a few weeks to even discover. The other one is hella drab so I was like SWEET RELIEF when I discovered this one.

Oh hi there she is!

We shared mussels, the special. Two orders. Patrick from work was there too. It was a very chilly night.

And yes I was as I feel like I do nothing mostly, which is fine I don’t feel the burning sensation to show a non-stop cocktail party lifestyle full of fabulous shit I much enjoy the mundane simple pleasures blah blah but I do like to go out a wee bit to balance it out, the cold weather makes me feel claustrophobic from hibernation at times which makes Toronto ideal because there are just so many various pockets of entertainment for you to explore when you start climbing the walls.

Alright I get it, you get it? Have a good one!

i’m your villain

Wagwan friends and foes, how’s your August? It’s just flyin’ by eh. Damn.

So this here is a blog post. One of the things I used to do to summarize this life I live and account for some kind of meaningful existence. I used to blog fiendishly around the age of 19 because it justified the partying I did when I lived on Crawford in Lil Italy, Toronto… the reckless behaviour everyone that age does and all of it is written down in this same blog if you can believe it.

I can remember about skipping the line at Mod Club when it was still at Lava lounge. Wednesday night was the night of the Mods in Toronto and Saturdays were Blow Up. I remember watching Esthero talk to the door guy from my spot in line and I said to myself, Raymi, when she fucks off go do the same. And I did. The door guys at Lava recognized me all the time and my annoying pushy ways so I always walked in when they’d wave me passed the peeps waiting in line. We all have had our Club 54 moments and some of us are better at remembering them than others, or bother to write about it.

I have been known to be dramatic. I have always romanticized the moments of my life. Chosen endeavours just so I could write about them or experience that weird thing. The problem is that there became too many things to write about, being so overwhelmed by that and guilted from the pile-up of things I didn’t write about… so you just social media instead. Blogs lost. Drat.

I know people out there still read because I read articles every day. I read the entire internet every day. I know what all the buzzfeed and jezebel news, pop culture, memes, celebrity breakups, deaths, disturbing breaking news stories are at all times my mind is so full of garbage, valuable and not and I am so caught up by it I don’t stop to reflect at all in fact, I crave it even more. Do you hit the hourglass on your twitter search? Well I do and that’s how you get the best fastest trending news.

Haha I love how I just bragged about reading the internet a lot. stfu raymi

I went rock climbing this week. was exhilarating. Lots of adrenaline and a great workout. Will do it again for sure. I am very competitive so if you are, you should give’r a go. We did another feature on Raymi Toronto too, check it out.

I am afraid of heights so I’m glad I could climb and put that thought out of my head. By the end of the class you’re climbing without the harness.

Don’t care how old I get a part of me will always stay young and childlike. Fun keeps you young, young looking, happy, feeling good, all that jazz. Being a miserable crab does you no good. I understand it’s hard for some people to be happy and enjoy their life, it’s partially mental illness for sure (and circumstance). You just have to keep trying. We all go through bad periods and we never think things will get better, but they do. You just can’t wish things to happen you need to take action. When you make changes that’s when good things happen. Change is good.

I think being kind of a goof is God’s doing of helping me self-preserve and protect myself from all you assholes out there. Then he sprinkled self confidence, a big mouth with a rich mind and some good looks c’est voila, work with that. Do I believe in God? I dunno. It’s like, just an expression haha. All our genetic make-ups, DNA, and personality styles that change with evolution and I don’t really know what I’m saying. Some are more cunning than others and most are said to be just, born stupid. Brainwashed masses ordinary types but who is actually smarter, them or us. Blissfully settled normal people or those who feel the pains of the world and try to do something, can’t sleep at night from anxiety and worry… but also know how to spell properly.

Saw my Hair guru Donna Dolphy yesterday and she made me pretty again.

We have a good time and then we hit the fatigue wall and just existed in silence together trying to get through the appt.

This is Dena my work friend we are both ADD meant to be. It’s a blast hanging out with her, talking and walking and girls gotta stick together we both work in boys clubs so, yeah. Luh her.

My bf says he likes leather pants so I tried some on to see what the fuss was about and if I even look good in them. 5lbs lighter, some toning, then we’ll talk.

The many musical minstrels in Toronto warm my heart. Check her out. Bravo and obviously so charming from this angle up here.

I am grateful for my life and everything in it which is why I give back as often as I can, give my time to others, and try to be selfless to balance out the good fortune.

This was after I sneaked up alone and took a selfie. Part of climbing is falling and learning how to land.

This was last Sunday. We aren’t going up this weekend cos we’re goin’ to a wedding elsewhere. Should be fun.

We went for tacos on Monday, good deal. Quality of food….ok for a “smallerish” town. The beef I was not impressed with it was ground like come on make effort. BF said get steak next time then. Agree.

I am in love with the heat right now and it did almost feel like a vacay… okay staycation I hope it stays hot for a long time. If you read my blog in August or September and October it’s the same shit every year you can hear how depressed I am, I mean READ how depressed I am about the weather changing. Oh you love fall? Why? it only leads to winter you idiot which lasts forever so STOP.

:)

Those are my safety shoes. I look like a waitress. Part of the fun of life are the costumes we wear and the manner in which we express ourselves. I like to walk softly and carry a big stick rather than overdo it glamwise. Once in awhile yes I love to dress up-UP like tomorrow I will wear two different outfits, one at the ceremony and one at the reception. I am worried about footwear though.

I asked our work neighbours across the hall to let me look out this window and see if it was raining yet then I had to take a picture I just love a good snoop, passing it along to you.

Dena took this she was like work the angles, and angle, click. Work the angle. And pose. We got it done!!!

The ghost image on the tree + doggy ftw.

that sky

The curls like instantly dropped. Too humid. Lovely while they lasted though.

ok we get it.

Okay that’s the last butt pic for awhile. I will state that I don’t feel it’s right to butt shame me I can’t help having an immaculate ass so much so that just seeing it invokes all kinds of emotions like, it’s my body it’s what I look like if my bathing suit is eaten by it it’s not my fault it’s just legs and ass grow up get over it it’s summer bye bye.

Okay I’ve had enough and you probably have too have a great weekend, don’t be a stranger and remember it’s not about what I look like it’s about the fun I am having.

Live your best life as they say.

BONUS POINTS if you can name the band who does the song that this blog post is titled as.

I’m a party girl in a party world

Hey there it’s me I’m back to say what’s up and chat a little bit before I burn out on blogging again for the next couple weeks (months) haha. There have been a few changes since we last hung out. Where to begin? In the middle probably works although if you follow me on all my socials you’ll know what gwan already – here we just elaborate more.

Let’s start with work first. We have moved offices and so far so good so awesome. It’s not too far from where I live I can just bike all the way up Sherbourne and be a sweaty mess by the time I get to Bloor BUT I get chiseled in the torso from pedaling, using my whole body and then on the way home it’s a chill-ass free fall going down south pretty easy. You heard about the bike deaths happening lately in Toronto don’t worry I am a good cyclist, I know the roads, and I don’t listen to music I am fully-alert. I think cars SHOULD slow down and chill the fuck out, there have been days when streetcars or a vehicle whomever is behind the wheel will want to race me and let me know they got around me only for me to beat them again and again just goes with the flow of traffic/congestion and bikes being able to get around like fuck off guy let me live my life and get out of your way we can all get along, right?

Something nice I did today happened as a little boy came walking down the stairs to the subway and passed me as I just got off, he was going really slow and I said to him, you can still make it – I knew the train was still there. He knew what I meant and then beat it all the way down the stairs where he no doubt got onto that subway train. I bet he was like, that lady was so nice wow and then he did something nice for someone else too hopefully. Sometimes, often times, I will say hi to strangers, randoms, cashiers, wish them a nice day or simply smile at them when I know they’re not happy and probably no one has acknowledged them as human beings like all day so I take it upon myself to be the light. Many times I can be depressed and stuck in a particular head space and it would be nice to have like everyone shine positive attention on me for a few minutes but then there are times I am like fuck off please so it’s up to you to know the difference and good luck with that.

Date night last week and I am unapologetically happy as heck because I have been boyfriend-hunting for the right one for too long now. We are fortunate that we were set up on a date by his father and we instantly connected. I am gaga right now. I love that Ariana Grande is also in a whirlwind romance right now too I can relate just block the haters out.

This is the outfit I chose to make an impression including sexy heels from my mom. My mom gave me the skirt it’s a bit big maybe I can shrink it. I showed up a bit late and it had started pouring rain, the restaurant was packed and I had to walk through the entire thing to get to their special table everyone’s head turned like a Julia Roberts who is that moment. I still have my coat check tab because we were the last ones in the restaurant and I just walked behind the curtain to get my raincoat for myself. After the date we got on the phone immediately I think he texted first and we were just totally grinning high on life I was invited to the cottage the next day as you know I went up and the rest is history.

I jumped off a 30 foot rock into the lake landing the way you do not want to land and learned a valuable lesson to point my toes when people tell you to do so, it’s more than a suggestion – it felt like hitting cement and yes it was embarrassing. My bruise is just about healed two weeks later. A girl was too scared to jump so I went up there to support although I knew I’d chicken out too and I won’t be doing that again until I practice off of less-high rock faces.

This is from Tuesday and these are some pretty important people to me, the work fam. Send off drinks for Evan whom will be missed but change isn’t the end of the world.

I tried for a Madonna look and realized it was not really work appropriate although my personality and confidence can help be part of the outfit therefore it doesn’t matter what I wear. I am stubborn and go by the beat of my own drum so it takes awhile to penetrate. My laundry in my building has been out of order for weeks and I am starting to lose my fucking mind they tell me today it will be good which means my life will be laundry for the next few days.

There he is.

When we can’t see each other we text when we can and now facebook video message. It’s nice to have a balance and someone who wants to do shit with you and you don’t have to chase. We are a good fit.

The benefits of being happy are so many. You look better and well, you’re happy. Relaxed. The hunt is over. Tired of dating people and you know within a second they’re not the one and you’re not the one and then you’re like is it ever gonna happen for me? Let’s be real, I am 35. I have definitely thought for awhile like ok am never gonna have a kid now great I will be a bitter woman for the rest of my life and look at kids and babies longingly and then go home and scream into a fucking pillow.

Another benefit is inspiration. When I am content I can blog. It centers me. I need a muse and that’s that. Empty posts of dating and dining is shallow and makes me sad and you start to take everything for granted you don’t enjoy the spoils because you’re using them to fill a void a lack of love in your life. Also, my blog post title is clearly a play on Barbie girl, which, I may be as well. It was a joke reference I made earlier this week to a work friend and then I said I will make my next blog post title that. If I have a title it’s all I need to start one up. When I sit down to write I have a general idea of what I will say here but my mind is a crazy circus most often times it’s a mystery to me too what’s gonna come out next.

I took a few days off drinking a couple weeks ago because I did not like who I was becoming and that tiny little change really helped me and then something good happened. I guess it’s true, everything you want is on the other side of fear. I still want sober days and to be better, get healthier so I will.

<3.

Hummingbirds I mean, come on. Swoon.

We kayaked and it was very magical. I’ll be getting a siamese cat tattoo on my back right shoulder next window I get.

If you know what the Hell this is please let me know. He visits a lot. All the bugs that fly at me cos of my hair or whatever startle me and I shriek and then people are like good grief. Okay sorry I can be dramatic but wouldn’t you be if a June bug flew at your mouth and head and then another giant moth and then THIS MOTH too? Okay I will upload the video as evidence and you can decide if it’s worthy of screaming.

I think you know what my vote is.

This coat tho.

This dog tho.

Of course I chose the Dubble Bubble as it’s one of my many nicknames (no it isn’t).

Working across from the Bay will slay (my wallet).

I have a hat thing. If you want to donate toward it I will gladly accept.

On sale for 11 bucks. Get your Canada Day swag in time my fellow Canucks and don’t forget to buy Canadian.

We went hiking + cave exploring in Collingwood and it was beautiful. I’m hyper-active I need to be taken on walks, hikes, drives, dinners, etc etc so this suited me just fine.

Love the digs here we have two floors to play around on.

This is my bestie Marie she did my nails and leant me these pants to bike home in. She is a very supportive gf, positive, and helpful. I am very grateful to have her in my life she is as smart and compassionate as she is beautiful.

I wore bike booty shorts this day and it was freezing cold out I am an idiot sometimes just don’t tell anyone. I look forward to my next chrome nail manicure Marie!

We have matching Unicorn lipsmackers obviously.

What time was this taken at? I know, but do you?

The bruise was just forming here ok ttyl gotta go have an excellent day and weekend to be continued…

relevant resonant

Being a big mouth while having secrets is mega fuckin hard I’m just gonna come out with that one. Having a full, eccentric life that feels to be bursting at times in every way you finally want it to is absolute insanity but this is the way it is and how I am. I am going to blog like a demon now because that is what has always centered me. My ADD is off the chain and it takes a lot to focus as well there’s always a lot of people to say ttyl to. I am tired of these side converations I think I can navigate while trying to write, to anything. NO MORE. Lauren Write needs to write so let her. Disappearing off the face of the (city) earth and from phone felt so good last week. I am doing that again this weekend while I hopefully sleep for 48 hours that I’ve sorely needed.

Sorry but I am tired of being there for people. I need to do me right now. I need to cut some of you out. Thin the herd. I have virtual check-ins with people, all kinds of handfuls of them everyday all day long and it’s starting to make me insane. The OCD and guilt to reply to every person last week, went away. It’s OKAY if you just ghost. It’s ok if you don’t reply. I am sorry if that stings some of you but I have been putting myself second for too long. I mean I like being there and I like the friendships but trying to mainain them all is driving me bonkers and maybe even made me sick. I am spread around too thinly. When all of my friends are amazing creatives doing great things I love to keep track of all of them and pitch in, take part in all of that too (FOMO) but it’s simply just too much. Don’t you agree? Do you feel like your head is barely above water sometimes managing your life schedule? I must be doing some of the wrong things. I am just tired of saying I am busy to the same select group of people over and over again and them not getting it sorry if that pisses you off but busy isn’t over until it’s over. I am busy as well as sick. I have started a new job and I am in the process of moving as well as managing another background drama do you get the picture yet? I can’t be your party girl all the fucking time. Posting a hot pic isn’t necessarily a thirst trap for you and I do not give second chances, while I am at it. If I made time for you and you bailed on that scheduled hang, I am not hanging with you again. You showed yourself once. I have no time for flakes. If anything I get to be the flake. Not you.

I basically NEED to do this post before I can finish the next one in queue which actually should take importance over this one here but like I said “I need this” ha ha. As a creative. We have our quirks and “rules” our practises and we have our rituals. One day I’d like to let some crazy bastard film my process and then you’ll all be like OMFG idiot. Hahha. I know I am charming and insane and worthwhile. Hey I like me!

Stacy, a hairstylist (top right) and friend of mine from Grateful Head salon on Dundas said some really nice things to me last night at Swan Dive that squeezed some of the bullshit perspective I have about myself out of my brain and I was like YEAH FUCK YEAH and THANK YOU! I was speechless. He thinks I’m a better marketer, seller more than I even know. Invaluable information. I will talk more about him and Grateful Head later on don’t you worry.

When you live a high octane life and you’re busy and you just can’t get out of things AND you are sick it eventually blows up in your face. I just had a sauna and steamed out some toxins and now I am ready to rock right after I pop another Dayquil. WHOOOOO!

Now here’s some fourth wall broken down I just sent everything I wrote above to a creative co-hort and here it is.

thats a real powerful blog post. So real, genuine. People will love it

Thank u
Aww
All the good head cases will come out

Good on you serious

Cos I posed questions
Also telling people to leave me alone

Let em, stirs up things
Yes
Get people talking, interested in what is going to happen to your sense of self. It tells people to take care of themselves too. Reminds them
It is great and inspirational

im tired of posting a selife then getting barraged
just watch the show and leave me the fuck alone
u are not a part of this
but its good for business u need them to love you

Yeah

tired of saying yes i am still busy
busy means busy
and busy doesnt end
(end rant)

The point is just leave me alone for a week. Two weeks. I feel like I am begging here. I mean don’t ignore me no don’t leeeeeeeeeave me. I just mean some of you in the inner circle I have more of a rapport with, stop griefing me for being MIA and not replying I just need to keep my focus. It’s nothing personal I will be back and I will go away again. That’s just who I am. This is me saying I need time and I will probably smash something if I have to repeat it to you again. Yes I have issues with rage, people who try to manipulate me emotionally and try to take advantage of my time. If you want the doctor to be in you have to make it worth her while. Someone wanted to have a business call and I charged for it, he asked why I said because this is what I do. You want me involved, you have to pay me to care. You want my insights and tastemaking, you pay for that too. For me to pause the many things I am always trying to do to stop, drop, and roll for your cause…you pay for it. Time is money. Getting my brain to concentrate requires energy I’d rather direct to things I’m already busy doing and to throw another thing on the plate is fine, but it has to be compensated.

I don’t care how snotty or self-entitled I sound. When is the last time you saw a post here? I am busy I am busy don’t you get it I am busy. When I was a 9-5 copywriter I was busy asf I never spoke of my work I kept my head down as much as I could and I seldom blogged. Go where the money is, go to that. Shut out everybody else and don’t you dare feel any guilt about it. Focus on your shit. Other people are way better at this than I ever was, living for themselves and getting their priorities straight. Me? I collect a bunch of ding dongs to occupy my (waste of) time and I am 33 years old now. I can’t balance it anymore. I love to chat yes I do but I also want to dive into my work and do better work. More work. WERK. I am building something here and I’d like to continue, to finish it. I am my priority right now, you aren’t. I’d like to be there for everybody but I can’t anymore. I don’t want to lose friends either but if you don’t understand any of this you’re not a real friend anyway. Real friends have patience and generally their own shit going on too, they get me whereas everybody else is a needy cling-on and I am not your mommy anymore.

This has been building up inside of me for a long time. Sometimes I just get irked. I can anticipate why people are talking to me, what they’re really after, and it generally doesn’t align with my own intentions or what will ever be feasible between us so stop leching out on me. I post sexy things for my brand and not to get the male gaze or whatever shit my snide detractors claim, or think. I do it for me. To empower myself. There may be a little attention-seeking there too but mostly it’s for the arts and my lifelong passion of showing my fashion, looks, my vibe, and expressing opinions of my experience. We are allowed to do what we want in our lives. I am tired of making excuses for being “a blogger” after 16 years.

I have been sick for a week so sorry for the crabby I will move on to more of the photo and caption straight-forward style approach to blogging now. I had a lovely bday lunch. Was supposed to do one thing but those plans fell through and so was able to hit The Drake with a good bro, yay.

Maybe I am recovering from my birthday still something happened to me on it like in the Santa Claus or Freaky Friday. “I’ve changed” and for the better you’ll see.

Thanks mom for all the sweet gear.

I may be an idiot but I got nice gambs.

It was brutal weather on March 31. We waited out a lightning storm and drank champagne Heather and I did and busted out the selfie stick. Heather got us tickets to Field Trip. What a little scamp I lurve her. So do all the men. HEheh.

I tried to dress it up for this special day. Two outfits. Why not. I am over my birthday now my birthday complex is gone now I’m just like in post bday apocalypse recovery mode LOL haha okay I’m shutting it.

No I am not into the occult but other people are and I want to make money off them. This Wednesday Addams is available FOR SALE make an offer.

Ahhh Fujahtive. They’ll be having their own post. It was a solid show and the crowd was pretty great too! It always is and they always are.

Mom got excellent shots as usual.

Nothing beats a crisp white dress now I’m all set for a P.Diddy white party stay tuned. Thanks Sara Duke!

Dropping mad hints everywhere no? Lol.

What do you do with this life how do you organize it what do you make of it how do you showcase it. Just get on with it I guess.

A lot of great stories from this evening. So much love.

Love it.

So many possibilities found at The Darling Mansion.

Developed a (later on in life) dreamify addiction. Unique endless ways to be creative especially if one already has an artistic eye and access to wicked sets.

Love it. Loon records.

Please hang up and try your call again this is a recording.

Aging like a fiiiine wine. I’ve heard worse and recently too haha.

I just take so many pics of things and surroundings and myself that I make these collages that’s the short of it. I like how it tells the story.

Rural fashions.

I’ve been working for Shannon Brass Vixens queen as her personal assistant this week. Timing in life is everything and so far so good I love her. We go back some years. It all just makes sense.

Looking forward to getting a tan and rocking my new locks. Or at least not being sick anymore or looking Lydia Deetz-tired.

Uncanny.

So I been busy so I gwan slow it down this w/e and kick this cold’s ass. Looking forward to my guitar lesson tomorrow.

Goodbye dark roots. I thought they were kinda cute but your next colour application is always looming.

NO cut this time just a colour. Once I wash it and have it straightened like usual I am keen to see it in all its glory. Hair obsessed. Part of my personal passion project. When I had fug hair no one was nice to me. How you look is important it shouldn’t rule your whole world all the time but it pays off when an effort is made.

I love your loo Grateful Head.

Everyone needs a little birthday sprite like this.

Just don’t touch the merchandise. Okay I think I’ve hit the wall night everybody!

Oh yeah, don’t be pissed at me. I will get back to you when I can. There is a long list of you that’s all.

she’s like a raymbo

So, my new muses Hawkhaus blew through town from Detroit and we had a wicked time collaborating together Saturday at The Hotel Germain. There will be future stuff too. You’ll see. I see the landscape of my future and it is dotted with a LOT TO DO. Muchos overwhelming. All good things though. If not now when right?

I started making art again. Part of it feels like a dare but commission requests have started coming in so there you go.

The Reclamation Project from hawkhaus on Vimeo.

We are going to make video magic also.

I did not wash my hair this day. Can ya tell!?! haha.

Lizzy and Reggie are also in a band called Konqistador which is a big deal or something but I don’t pay attention to stuff like that. I’ve dated fat cats and been extemely oblivious to their level of fame. Blows their minds wish you could see it.

L told me R read The Satanic Bible and it helped him. A fan put this on stage at one of their gigs. I am trying to think of something I gave them other than a headache. Ha.

Lizzy gave me one of her bodysuits for the road. Sweetheart.

I was Willow Smithing here.

My arse looks mega juicy here yowzers.

It’s about time I did some of this. Coupled by that. Thanks guys!

Took a ton of pictures yesterday as well. More to come when I have time.

If you are attention starved ride a bike in a bodysuit like this. Take your pants off down by the water too. Go for it!

The food was mighty tasty at School. We were misbehaved students a little.

It was a fabulous fun-filled time and anybody witnessing it from a neighbouring balcony was a lucky guy. I liked underwear party that I saw at one point over yonder of a guy and a girl totally ignoring us right back. Go Saturdaze.

Raymcheck

Happy Thursday! Been a busy and good week. Here’s some treasures from yesterday.

We went to Addison’s to poke around with our new friends Toronto Interior Designers LHDT. I could not resist blowing this long horn on our way out. Watch the clip here.

Louise and Jenn are talented women and a great team. We meshed very well together and I look forward to working with them in the coming months (and dare I say, years).

We had a lot of fun. Did I mention that yet already?

I look like sasquatch. No shame.

James Addison put me right in the slammer when we arrived after calling ahead and begging them to stay open. When 3 hot ladies showed up he didn’t stop cheekily Scotsman flirting with us until we left. Best time.

He was expecting for another gal to get in there after me haha.

This installation is being worked on, he said.

We look like an indie folk band. Bluegrass?

Throw away the key bro I got all the nudie mags I need.

We were all sweltering in there it was almost like a test to see how long we could last and it was worth it because there was just so much to discover. I love antiquing. We will definitely head back again. Mr. Addison keeps bees too so naturally he and Rob bonded over that. FATE

Paula is super nice! We will be featuring more of this experience on my new website very very soon. Sorry to cut it off I just don’t want crickets and tumbleweeds to blow through RTM is all.

Now here I am a week ago Wednesday the night I met Louise. Don’t get me started on how behind I am in blogging just do NOT.

Here I am scampering away from Louise all shy and she’s looking at the picture I just took of her, oh that fateful photo.

THIS

She was disappearing into this painting and I needed to get a picture of it and as it turns out she’s just as driven and high-energy as yours truly. Meant to be.

Spied this old world structure on our way to a meeting yesterday morning.

Some of what we shared with clients yesterday. Delicious.

Thanks for dropping in and understanding! See you around xo RLW. Lurk my ello if you get desperate.