do as i say not as i do

Hey gang,

So lets talk about the Grammys and just be like everybody else for once.

We will talk about me and we will talk about the Grammys, the Gram-me’s.

And how about that Kanye holy stupid fuck! Maybe if you were drunk with your hilarious friends at a pool party all in Hawaiian shirts and like Norm Macdonald gets up and takes the podium at a roast, FANTASTIC yes, appropriate. Basically that scene from Billy Madison.

However, part of me is like fuck the Grammys who cares? Do any of us know anyone remotely near as famous as Taylor Swift and Beyonce?

Do you know how much my socks were not blown off by the album she snuck up and dropped on us last year? Just as much as those puppies stayed up and on all last night from her Biblical gospel I am Jesus performance. Well Beyonce you may have fooled Kanye but not this girl! (btw I love gospel music fyi).

Maybe sing a song that has rhythm and flow that you can actually navigate with this “talent” you have. You tried too hard to make a moment happen. We shouldn’t have to wait 2 minutes to be grabbed by something. It was all build. It was f-ing without c___ing.

I liked your body silhouette and matching men in white accompaniments but Beck has been at it longer. You can’t win ‘em all and you don’t. It’s a part of life.

I don’t purport to know about awards shows or how winners are chosen but it seems that some other higher power governing body is in place much like your God you duly believe in, yet you can’t accept the room of little white men deciding decisions. Or is it based on record sales as well as popular opinion?

Anyway I don’t care. Pretty sure no one else OTHER THAN KANYE WEST rushes stages when they don’t like the outcome but mostly because we don’t get invited to those things and have the opportunity to.

Here’s something else I noticed, when Jennifer Hudson got up on stage to deliver some horribly read piece about this well, she stopped at the top of the stage and this little white old man he like, shoved her over and it really pissed me off. Here is this exquisite songstress in a beautiful white dress and she froze, she was still poised and all but I did not like how he did that it was so typical awkward insecure tiny man who felt more entitled and important than her and I am surprised no one else has pointed it out yet. Watch it for yourself and see. I just mean, if that happened to me I would have thumped his arm or pinched him super hard and painfully. I would visibly react. Jennifer Hudson played that moment cool though. Maybe tumblr is talking about it they notice everything.

Should I tweet come-on to Kanye West next?

In moments like these, social media opportunities, or maybe like everyday, I just splatter as many people as I can with stupid crap everywhere and see what sticks. You would be surprised!

People will care about celebrities more than they will ever care about me, eventually I am gonna have to bite the bullet and stop trying to be the one and to talk about the one instead.

But no!

I can do both.

See. I relate to the megalomania so much, I am smarter than her. People love the fame and you reinforce it with every gaudy fancy sexy glittery photo you post. There is a recipe. We all get it right and wrong. The object is to always be the focus (which they always are). Do I troll you guys? Sometimes maybe.

I refrain from using a filter sometimes. Some people think that mentally ill people are the only ones who do that. Maybe it is a form of autism but when one is actively cognitive of the shitty things they say, and I mean shitty, sometimes I can deliver some real honest harsh zingers and be separated from the cruelty affixed and I am doing this with logic and reason. My mind makes quick calculated conclusions in the moment before I speak, everyone knows the saying think before you speak. Some people act and think later. Some (many)(all) tweet then delete, Jason Biggs comes to mind. In the moment I am thinking that this person will only benefit from what I am about to say. I have a way.

-note to self do celebrity hall of shame tweets blog post round up or get someone better to.

Anyway the point of many is, does Kanye think before he acts?

Do I provoke purposely without thinking?

How can it not be on purpose if I have thought about it.

Sometimes I’ll post a mega juicy sexy ass pic then like throw my phone away and agonize over it secretly quietly in the back of my mind while watching Banshee. Flee the fear and know that it’s for the greater good because it will all add up to, something someday?

Then there is the dreaded like-hike obsession. If there are no likes does it mean it’s bad when you tried really hard to look good in the picture? And then why do your friends only like the pics that are not of your butt but like everything else, are they being passive aggressive? Just chill with the obvious silences and don’t ask because you don’t want to know.

Sometimes I’ll say one of my dumb things on Facebook instead of twitter and it will get all these likes and comments. Say the same thing on twitter and, crickets. Twitter is good like that sometimes though.

Every single one of us desires attention.

It’s funny how Iggy’s hair was judged by the universe from lazy couch slobs with awful hair themselves. Personally, I loved her hairdo and it takes courage to go out when you’re bullied by the industry cos they jealous of you and attack you for “stealing” from their culture. Some people just identify as a certain way. Do you bash transgender people for identifying as a different gender, well how about race? What if I woke up one day and decided I was Swedish?

People can be and do anything they want and if they do it better than you, beat you to it, so what? Play better then. Cos you just look like a whiner.

Like how we look like whiners always whining about how unfair it is that Kanye West does this, does that and his stupid wife too. I have gone back and forth defending her so many times meanwhile look at me. I am using her as a scapegoat left right center!

Oh well keep the dream alive.

I don’t have anything interesting to share other than trashing on the Grammys. Aside from dying my hair and my exercises and boring you with what I am not eating right now.

Running on the spot indoors works well in the winter. When all your stuff be jiggling it be working. I hold onto my chest and do army style leg-ups (pretending to know what that is). Lots of kettlebell too, I do bicep curls with it. This one is heavy.

Green tea is important these days also.

Went through some jewelry yesterday that my mom gave me awhile ago. She is so sweet.

I took a lot in this get-up I’ll save for my next post I don’t want Grammy people seeing how ridiculous I am more than necessary.

Can you tell I’m dying on the inside? No? Ok good. jkjkjkjk jeez

Have a nice day!

Update, this:

Norm follows me now why don’t you?

Body like the summer

I muchly enjoyed my tan this day plus life in general and thought lets immortalize this moment. Wouldn’t you know it someone else felt the same.

My hair looks awesome too so that is good.

Sunday night sorbet. Melty and spit-like. Gelato place was closed. Closed ghost town city so ventured back to eat this jive. I think that I am finally starting to go stir crazy from Burlingtron.

When I moved out here two autumns ago, I was about to say last autumn but I forgot I was away in Holland for 3 months and was travelling pretty much for all of 2013 so it erased that year from memory, but anyway this was a dress I bought and wore out only once because I was beginning to gain weight. Break up, moved to Burlington depression weight. Then I wore it at work as a shirt about a month ago and then once before that in the winter (when it was still pretty tight on my sausage fat upper arms) but now I am delighted to report the story of this size small (from UO) dress that I can wear all Risky Business styles again and still acts as a shift with pockets of space and I think my face looks pretty psyched too. My date had also just arrived at the moment of this mirror selfie.

This post is going to be girly and Raymicentric so be forewarned before reading on.

Heard from an old(er) friend yesterday who said I was still a baby so that was nice. It’s true though I guess. The only difference between me and hot looking youths is years of accrued experience, knowledge, expertise and maturity (ha) in the form of if not now when? Why have I been blogging for all of these years, what drives and compels me to do so? Has anyone ever stopped to ask me that, probably in a manner of ways but why do I breathe more unicorn power dust into RTM when she seems to be dying and then is brought back to life again. Why did I do that? Why does anyone blog, what does it all meeeeeeeean man? More marketing sponsorships, to be cutting edge, to be THE NEXT? Well yeah I think quietly I have always set goals, blown them, and gotten back on the horse again to be like you know what world there are many small achievements on the way and do not forget about me.

Do you know how many people call me crazy like, all the time and in a mean way too? Okay maybe like one person, who in turn is also crazy. But when people repeat offense, you take note and it becomes more about them then it does you.

But do I think I am insane? Yeah but not really you know what I mean? Like, what the fuck do I care what you think, or they say? I know that normies can and never will be able to take me but they like to watch me and there is something to that – it’s my casual goal to do something with that and that’s about it, consider yourself informed.

A superfollower told me to bust out this bathingsuit and I was like yeah great idea. Part of my goal (secrets to success, I hope) is to get psychotically in shape like lady gaga in the telephone video because I am not stupid to think that how I look isn’t part of this. My hair isn’t destroyed platinum blond anymore which was when I last had my figure. I’m not jolly just slightly overweight smiling like it doesn’t bother me plump anymore. I feel like the world is caving in on me and it’s my last chance to really give’r you know? If not now when. The second driving mantra of my “plan” essentially is get on board or out of my way. Too many times in my life I have been silenced and quashed into a fraction of what I truly am and thrive to be because yes, I come with a lot of noise. But I know that it’s empowering and inspiring and just as it gets good it always usually seems to get fucked up for some reason or other and what I am wondering is why am I so afraid all the time and why don’t I just keep going otherwise, why all this blog? Basically, fuck yeah blogging is what I am saying.

I’m also very inspired by my blogging sister peers who have risen like Phoenixes to the top over the years too. I see you. :) Oh god this is turning Spice Girls.

This is my tomb raider running outfit. If you ever had a shadow of a doubt about my mental atrocities you would just have to see me run. I am not going to humble brag here I am just going to say that I run like a gazelle if a gazelle were a ballerina who also dabbled in salsa merengue hip hop and freestyle. Cars follow along slowly and then circle back for more. Running mid-rain is awesome because I can do it alone. I took dance for 10 years so it’s in me to move and I was asked why I dance so well recently and how, because it is a fine skill. I don’t even care how much of a dick I sound like right now, it’s a dance off. I watched Magic Mike last night and seeing that guy move I was like, I can move like that but the world is so conservative HOW can I move like that and make money from it with all of my clothes on? This is the numero uno actual goal I have from running and dance-running fitness. I am going to film a dance video in a studio and prove it to you and then you can be the judge and then I can be a youtube celebrity with all the comments set to off ha ha.

I am addicted to running because it shuts everything out. I get results. I am hyper-active and it’s something to do. Everyone has their thing. Before my accident in Aruba I was running often and now it’s like that injury never occurred I can run like I used to but now I am more cautious. I’ll have to join a gym in the winter.

I was worried about the zipper on these pants this day. They are from Benetton in Aruba from our friend who I snake charmed the crap out of. He owns the benetton and half the island and I said send me a wardrobe much to the dismay of all the ladies I was with well guess what, I have a nice red winter coat and sexy slacks plus other things now lol. I suppose I’ll have to add a non-sexual hustling chapter to my book.

So much symbology!! Lol.

Subject change!

Just me and Paris Hilton palling around. I bet I am a better dj. Notice her mp3 thing is on those oldschool boards??? this pic is viral. This was an epic week spent in Quebec City and MTL the day jack Layton died and my blog hits imploded because my post on meeting Rob Ford went up. I own the rainbow crop top from Wildfox Couture though I suspect actually gave it to my niece. Sad face.

I look like someone I just can’t figure out who. Someone with long hair. blah who cares haha.

A pic from last month some time. I am not exactly Kim Kardashian selfie-bad but my ass is maybe better. Quotable.

Just checking in on my guys.

:( still won’t heal. wtf. Anyway it was worth it cos I realize that I am awesome at volleyball and not shitty like I remember from school. Even when I played once on the beach in Mexico and was mortified beyond belief for myself. I can serve after all which was my main fear, all the other vball things I can do.

Lots of storms lately, right? We were fine btw thanks for asking team planet Burlingtron. I got soaked in the rain last night all yolo and cray cray happy about it then apparently cp24 had it on blast that the levees were broke in btown but we’re fine, am fine. Saw a chick at work’s basement was flooded though :(.

Another pic from earlier last week. Do you want to hear my thing about sleeveless shirts? They make me uncomfortable and but, I can wear them now cos my arms aren’t fat but I still feel like some motorcycle groupie or that I am trying to be something when really all I am being is an awesome object of guy can rock a sleeveless, mahmean bro? Right now I’m wearing my plaid sleeveless too and it’s looking pretty good maybe we’ll have to table this discussion til another time.

Getting restless now. Shutting up.

There better be more heatwaves before summer is through.

Had a fun boozeless dinner. I know right! Anyway. Was this lamb I will never know, was probably lamb. The food of Burlingtron is beginning to unimpress me I have eaten everywhere and boycotted some. What a whiner right!

Sometimes you just have to be ghetto fabulous what can I say?

Have a killer week mes amis!

Can’t believe it is Tuesday.

Okay I semi-promise to give selfies a break.

Take a long last look this baby is sold.

Goodbye for real. xo ps. Hi MTV Canada viewers.

++++

PS. Don’t forget a lotta YOLO happens on my tumblr too.

kiss and tell in hell

Hello pets.

Here’s some more avant-gardelicious Ontario wanderings from the bean bag chair collections.

Like I said we traverse home via a peek in rockin Algonquin.

It was just screaming out Ontario tour guide pamphlet all over the place.

Barron Canyon is magnificent. It’s super nerve racking being on the egde, all vertigo-like and exhausted from vacation staycation partying. The heat combined trips you out and you can easily see yourself tumbling down that thing.

And it is supremely hard to make poses happen near the edge. We stood back a yard or two from the ledge and peered down, instantly dizzying. Being dressed like a finish flag somehow doesn’t help, it’s too loud it’s practically hypnotizing you to your doom.

We both wore pink. Wuh–oo. Said in saloon sing song voice. We always kind of match our outfits to be jerk offs to each other.

Way too pale. This creamy alabaster makes me yawn. I am flamboyant and flamboyant people need to be tanned.

There was a cray wind storm in Petawawa and perhaps here too, a lot of tree destruction discoveries along the way.

Pretty high up.

Woah rough night bro.

Peaking in the suggestions box. Everything was perfect, down to the scatterings of soft dry brown pine needles littered everywhere across the path and between the billions of matchstick thin trees.

Lets move it’s hot as hell and we have far to go.

Off came the pants and bra ditching was from the night prior after Koritos at Kelseys. Avoid them.

How’s the party up there?

It’s a Lost Boys kinda thing.

Don’t worry I see your swirlies.

Romantic. They want your company.

Watch your smoke.

You can do anything. He was major old. The answer is adult tricycles.

I’m being summoned TO BE CONTINUED.

Okay I’m back.

Went for food and walk blah blah.

I totally ran out of steam and my mind is elsewhere now.

So many variations of weather on our way back.

So damn hot I tell you also wearing a bra in a car for hours, not my bag. That’s a show bra only what was I thinking.

Cute you can see my foxy tail.

Does this give you anxiety?

Then BF couch surfed across the street.

And with the Rockster.

BTW Playboy Energy V SPOT IS UP Thanks kay bye. It’s down time/get shit done day. Before the giant storm of the next big party.

Also as always funny ‘ish on MY BOYFRIEND IS ANGRY. And some bonus ones right meow cos I know how lazy you is.

Peace. Thirsty Thursday g’wan try and Telekinesis some beer. Wish me luck, send beer vibes.