Tag Archives: jack kerouac

bloviate, blog & breathe

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Hi guys I’m back! What day is it, ohhhh it’s Monday. Cool cool ‘nother day in paradise coupled by heatwave which is supposedly breaking into a lightning thunderstorm later on to level out dat goddamn heat.

Oh my god ADD be strong let’s get through this, brain you can do it. Had to literally tell my bf don’t talk to me like I am here but I am not haha. Everyone in my family has ADD it has been a life-long possibility for me that I have largely ignored but I see it in all of us and it’s the British way not to scandalize or address but yeah, there it is.

I guess it’s obvious and present in every blog post that I write because you literally have no idea where this is gonna go nor do I and that’s fine I just take a deep breath and dive in. It’s a Kerouac thing not to humble-brag but I am related to that guy and you can kinda tell how mad I am and if you knew who he was I guess you can make a correlation. I have been in a love affair with writing since I was a kid and why did I stop, so many reasons.

You know what is also hard about blogging? Aside from the fact that I’m taking myself off of other channels to be here? (Oh the struggle) but again I digress.. the choosing of pictures is what throws me because I over-obsess and my style-choice of how I am showcasing things here, I know nothing else? It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks, ew I said it. NO not ew, because I am proud of this I distinctly recall being 19 years old during the (first) height of my blog fame something I should actually speak about what that was like, I’ll put a pin in it for now but holla holla that’s a goodie.

I always have these negative mean things in my head when I am writing here it’s every mean thing I have heard people say about me and boy there are doozies, that is another roadblock BUT f that shit because haters gonna hate you, just don’t let them trip you up.

I tend to hold on to it for a bit before I erupt and let them know how wrong they are. How they have mistreated me but I know that people fight the battle when the war is already won so it be what it be and that is why they lash out. It typically has more to do with them, not you, but still they try to mess with your life and can succeed. I do not ever forgive it. I stand in my power and my worth and how dare you. I just have experienced a lot of meddling lately it has been exhausting and hurtful. I am still wicked pissed about it and the anger is nowhere close to cleared yet.

Every piece of negativity that you put out there 100% will come back to you. Cruelty too. If you feel low, then stop the grudge you are holding on to. The hate. Let it go because all you are doing is hurting people but mostly in the end it is you you’re hurting most and nobody needs that dysfunction anymore. Some people are trying to be happy and live harmonious lives without conflict there is enough going on in the world for plenty to eat and they’ve had enough. Demonizing people and painting a bad picture of them to suit your own needs is no one’s gain. Cruel intentions are quite unbecoming. Thank you for the flowers but where is the apology. See: worst birthday of my life.

However, speaking of ADD previously… I’m currently helping my man with a golf ball FB Marketplace post and flexing my skills and for some reason mobile wouldn’t work to upload the listing but now we’ve got it sorted from my desktop I am happy I can help and make use of my copywriting technical skills. I am grateful to be blogging here and now too booboos… anyway he’s setting up his dream stereo system right now too which deserves its own post.

When people embrace their passions, like me blogging for instance, then you help one another and bring each other up – that is how it is supposed to be. You can’t rise up if you’re squashing yourselves or being squashed. I have always been a read-between-the-lines sort of blogger and anger is distracting so this is my therapy doing this. I need to get it out to move on and when I have been disrespected so rudely why should I not get my turn to speak my mind.

Now, actually moving on but if the person who all that was meant for read it, good. I am willing and waiting to have an open dialogue with you at your leisure but if not, cool then. I just find alienating people only continues the abusive, toxic situation. I have heard everything you said about me. I’m not being afraid to write here anymore because of people’s judgments. Period.

Speaking of that too, do you know that the woman who has cyber-stalked, harassed, bullied, and terrorized me for 15 years is actually finally behind bars??? See. People been messing with me all over for a long time and now I can speak out about it.

It’s a massive story but again I had to just “ignore it” forever but I always kept my eye on her and BOOM she has priors. When you are a blogger on the web, influencer, you will attract crazy people. My friends who are also in my scene have all gone through it, being trolled and harassed in so many horrible ways!!! I never breathed attention into it here too much in order to minimize it although over the years I am sure you have seen me go off about it when it boiled over too much for me to handle and all you guys could do is watch, no one could properly help me. I have had a sick woman emulate me, torment, attack me on-and-on for 15 years, drag me through the coals and gaslight me. If you saw her channels you would be sickened.

I am so thankful that she is in jail now on $50,000 bail no one put the 10% ($5000) up to get her ass out of there she is that heinous and all it took was someone else for her to harass and threaten holy smokes. I am still triggered and sensitive about it so will discuss at a later date kk it is still on-going.

Day-to-day life is pretty chill, we is happy. :) I have rolled my ankle twice though playing sports with bf so now we don’t do that it really needs to heal, lesson learned. Walking, hiking, biking is what I can handle maybe the odd toss of lacrosse but football and frisbee is too dangerous because the competitive athlete comes out and results in my ankle literally folding and it’s traumatic plus sets us back. My ankle crumpled a second time because the first time thought it was better but not really healed yet and I was running backward to catch a spiral and hit a divot in the grass – boom. Dunzo. My right ankle ballooned up like a ball. I have teeny ankles and well I gotta pay more attention. I have pain flashbacks still it’s quite scary but I did it to myself so I am not looking for sympathy only just gabbin’ with you.

And so we went on this walk in this cute little part of a trail when I was still newly afflicted we went light and easy but we had a great time and were considerate and cute to each other blah blah wildflowers everywhere… I have been feeling guilty about being happy lately, feeling nervous about it I am protective of it very much so. How terrible is that? Like, it’s “not fair?” I am not talking BLM well maybe a bit but mostly from all that other shit I made mention of before like when you say you’re happy people take it away from you or try to they really do which is sickening and mentally ill of them if you ask me.

Pride comes before a fall but I am not prideful I am grateful and know the difference between a low and a high and always find a silver lining in times like many people should cultivate the fine skill of self-preservation, stop, smell your roses.

This made me laugh and reminded me of a time we had to park in a field in Holland like an over-flow lot and the grass was so thick and tall but all the cars there are tiny ridiculous Euro things and you drive in to like an everglades-effect and you slam your door shut on all these tall grasses.

Went for a me-time spin on my bike this day I have a lot of memories of this pier and the waterfront in Burlington in general and consider it a happy place. I’m a people watcher so it always brings the goods. I scratched a lottery ticket made a couple calls which resulted in ME being the watched one lol then rode home to bf’s dinner made for us. Happy day.

Airing out things that bother you with having a platform to do it on I gotta admit feels freeing in a way unlike any other, sometimes scary the “power” but if people have made you feel so small, insignificant, and inferior for a long time why be afraid to call them out why should they get away with it?

Chickens come home to roost.

Another milestone is getting into shape again and feeling more confidence in myself, my body, my spirit, my all and there isn’t anything wrong with that I am still very much annoyed at the nasty things I have heard. I do not trash other women. It’s gross to me when I hear others bash me, like, you should know better. If you want to feel validated in your shittiness then yes, you have done damage. To us both.

Onwards and upwards, have a great week y’all.

Never be afraid to be happy, that is the take-away.

I laughed I sighed

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Hi you. Get ready for your Rayminjections but do yourself a flavour first, put this on and don’t stop it’s what I’m listening to as I “blog” in my cold ass room.

El Superbo.

Ps. here is the original of the above instagram selfie of myselfie. My hair is longer than instagram can handle. A daily self-confirmation that cannot be stopped.

And there’s another cos who doesn’t blast off millions while they’re at it. Speaking of dipshits, this made me laugh in the shower last night.

I love them. Hate love but mostly, love-love. Anyone who doesn’t get behind the Kardash is just kind of a twat, in such that they cannot appreciate a massive part of culture. Snipe all you like but they’re amusing and intelligent opportunistic rich as hell people. People make nasty comments to me all the time about my selfie-ing, but does it stop me? Nope. I am eccentric. I entertain. I will die if I do not get the last word always. I am always reflecting and probably suffer from the same self-obsession that celebrities do except I am not famous. As much. And I will be the first to sit on that grenade for the self-obsessed generation I have lead and be all self-aware about it. I know I don’t always get it right and thanks for not making fun of me to my face :). I hold many beliefs and I stand by what I do. I am going to be giving a talk about this to a bloody Arts Council. It’s my Tom Cruise Magnolia motivational speaky “moment”. Okay next slide please.

What is and isn’t inappropriate? Should we stop? Should we “just stop”? Probably, but sometimes I think it’s ok to steal a moment for yourself and do what you want with it. I mean, I could be studying neuroscience instead of obsessively tracking the aging of my face daily. There is some part of me, a hope, that will never die. You call it narcissism, I call it hope. Beneath ten leagues of delusion.

ANYWAY. Winter! Great times! I spoke to the guy who is doing the translations for the upcoming Kerouac book and told him we were related, we had a cool talk. The power of the internet can connect people like that. My friend sent this toronto star article, I skimmed it, see the pic of the guy who even looks like Jack Kerouac, find him on twitter and bing bang bong besties. I am an author without a book. I hate myself everyday about this. I may have 15 years of blogging behind me and a kajillion words of prose, but not the book I have always wanted so I am glad to have the inspiration kicked back into me again thank fucking fuck. Yes true I have released two books before previously but you know what I mean. It’s happening.

I’m also not drinking again and with the magical glee speedbump of the holidays not being around to distract from the crushing boredom sobriety makes it a wee more challenging in that I am also restricting carbs (I only ate the innards of that bath sandwich. Bathwich) and also restricting sugar. So I am way more on edge. GAH WHAT WAS THAT. Day 6. IF I don’t give in and booze tonight. I super hope I don’t because I need to be a rake for next week’s screen test.

Baby Spice hair. Baby Spice adult. I know many other arrested development adults I’ll have you know!!

Bf asked if I wanted this or to take it down he doesn’t really like it which is funny to me why someone would hang something they weren’t into.

I don’t shave at bf’s cos I haven’t brought a razer over yet. It’s not like in Survivor how they mysteriously maintain it for you.

Day 3 or 4 I forget. Passed on getting a bottle of ginger beer, no mo sugar, sugar. I would never go to the trouble of cooking up a mocktail, pahaha ridiculous what’s the point?

It’s too easy to just be “sort of” in shape and be happy about it but then it gets real and you’re scrambling to catch up. Always keep the goal in front of you. Stay motivated. Think about shit like Rihanna or Taylor Swift.

He said I looked pretty with my hair all over my face like this I had no idea I thought I just looked like a scruff.

Been catching lots of icy sunsets and what not.

The fish was amazing and light. Basa fish. The kale was boring and sloppy buttery whatever just trying to be healthy it can’t always be disco jazz in your mouth.

I am nail obsessed right now on top of body obsessed. I really want my nails to be talons for next week.

Good potatoes I only had a fraction of this pile. Sad face.

Day 6 is kinda like this haha. Watched it the other night for my 3rd time. If I like a movie I watch the shit out of it.

I kind of look like that basket case chick from the breakfast club Ally Sheedy?

oh stop don’t be jel you love it.

I’ll dump my purse upside down surrrrrrrrrrrre.

Hipster peasant breakfast.

I just used a pinch of bread to avoid getting a full blown headache. This diet is actually working so whatever nag me all you want.

I will be 32 in 3 months. Less than. BARF!!!!!!! :( haha jk. I can deal. Just a little. Bf calls me forever 31 and teases me all the time because he is jealous he isn’t a young girl in his thirties egoboost. I really don’t care. Life is all about embracing each new year and age head-on and being like okay, I gotta try that number out now see what that’s all about. Maybe it’s about Botox.

When one is faced with a difficult decision or choice in their life that might bring a lot of negativity but also great reward, one should always consult the mentors at reach in said person’s life to gain insight. Basically long story short, humble brag name drop I got famous friends who give me advice behind the scenes and it’s very empowering and surreal to hear from them what they have to say on certain Raymbo matters to be. Part of it doesn’t feel real. Maybe I am having a 30’s meltdown I don’t know. Infinitely soul searching it always seems.

I consider myself to be a brave individual who is also guarded and uncertain. I think the truly succesful people are those who are born knowing what they want and going for it. Never hesitating, and I try to rememer to be that kind of person as often as I can.

Time to wrap it up. Band rehearsal tomorrow. Have a nice night!

Happy Birthday Jackie baby

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Happy Birthday, Jack Kerouac. Born 12 March 1922, died 21 October 1969.

One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.

Kerouac’s Rules for Writing

Fellow writers were always asking Kerouac how he did what he did so he set down 30 essentials in something he called Belief and Technique for Modern Prose – here are my interpretive notes on them.

1. Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for yr own joy

Agree. Have tons of these. So much nonsense on this computer, good stuff, meaty and zero recollection of anything other than it’s the shit I should be blogging but am too afraid to so put it in a book instead, let it marinate a little bit until I am tougher.

2. Submissive to everything, open, listening

Yes. There could be a story at every, any corner. You are a spy of the world.

3.Try never get drunk outside yr own house

Oh please!

4. Be in love with yr life

Make it as fun as possible.

5. Something that you feel will find its own form

Don’t try so hard to push a voice or persona, don’t be false, be real. The flow will come naturally. Let it.

6. Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind

GO CRAYMI. Often. Opinions and observations, hopeful and true and above all else, honest. I don’t know what the fuck do you think this means?

7. Blow as deep as you want to blow

Just do whatever the fuck you want man be a lit candle because the rest of the world can’t or don’t feel comfortable doing what they really want to do but if you don’t then don’t. HAhaha uh?

8. Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind

Like I already said.

9. The unspeakable visions of the individual

Can y’all grandiose-size that?

10. No time for poetry but exactly what is

Deep.

11. Visionary tics shivering in the chest

Yes we know you manic compulsively have to get that shit out, the thoughts.

12. In tranced fixation dreaming upon object before you

Kind of buddhist monk-like, isolated, writers are very monastery but back then no internet so I bet he’d be like surfing multiple pages instead of staring at an apple, prob a bit of both.

13. Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition

BOOYAKASHA! It’s the message not the envelope.

14. Like Proust be an old teahead of time

Now you are speaking my language, hold the Proust. Teahead means pothead btw.

15. Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog

Hell yeah this is your Tyler Durden wet dream kind of thing, funny hilarious musings, running dialogue and commentary of every single thing going down at a supermarket. Essay-length accounts of walking eight yards to get a coffee there is what we think and what we say and what we can’t say, we write. Just remove identity if it’s secretive, manipulate time and space.

16. The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye

I dunno get to the point or the core of the drama, the root, the real deal business, no pussy footing around.

17. Write in recollection and amazement for yourself

Love your shit. Own thy shit. Be amazeballs about your amazeballs. Fuck the haters. The hater does not exist. You are awesome. Don’t go full-Kanye though. No divas.

18. Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea

Is he referencing Nirvana here?

19. Accept loss forever

This one is tough.

20. Believe in the holy contour of life

You only got one.

21. Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind

Bend the rules. Make your sentences melodic. Don’t write like a robot. Go with the mania.

22. Don’t think of words when you stop but to see picture better

Be descriptive but not of necessity show the vase don’t tell it, talk like yoda like how I am right now. Learn karate?

23. Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in yr morning

Blog. Daily posts are entries of your life. Rise early and reflect.

24. No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge

Respect that what you do don’t keep skeletons or secrets just out with it.

25. Write for the world to read and see yr exact pictures of it

Exactly.

26. Bookmovie is the movie in words, the visual American form

Like On the Road, the book is like a movie so they adapted it which allegedly was killed by K. Stew but whatever a good writer is like reading a movie.

27. In praise of Character in the Bleak inhuman Loneliness

Pain is good for writing. My writing has bettered ten-fold because I am the most miserable I have ever been in my life at this period in time. I am humble and real about it and soul searching, working on myself, whatever, basically loneliness is a painful thing that people endure. It makes you stronger, creative. It has many benefits, builds character because there is less noise, other people’s garbage in your way.

28. Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming in from under, crazier the better

Yeah but make it rule and don’t just invent crazy, tame it a little.

29. You’re a Genius all the time

Thank you.

30. Writer-Director of Earthly movies Sponsored & Angeled in Heaven

RIP buddy. I think you mean make it God-approved? Don’t kill or hurt people, have a conscience. Gotta go get ready to not try number 3 now why is that one in bold ooooh mystical. Alrighty then. RLW out.

Knocking on wood is for pussies

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This could so be in the back book cover jacket sleeve yeah? Raymi currently lives and blogs in Toronto with her two cats (inherited step-motherhood thereof) one Lady Garbage and Her Friend, Boyfriend…she likes soup. But not when there is too much cinnamon in it.

Hola blogarinos!

I’d kill for some sunshine today. Short of that, a dry sky.

This shirt was close to making its way to the donation bin, can you imagine?

I wanted to do back-to-backs of a year ago this month but I looked in my archives and got severely depressed and bored instead. The desire has passed. I threw some archive links in my twitter feed and the blog numbers were cranked over 130 guests for a couple hours. Ok twenty minutes. IS equivalent to 2 hours in blog years.

I found my nail polish, it was in my laptop bag, with those strawberry nail polish remover pads erica gave me, so I gave myself an insta-mani on the spot while playing (and winning) Balderdash. It was a very intense game, I wonder how it will go down this weekend when more relatives show up. I will have to practise shadow-boxing.

On my way to victory. I still have to think of some nicely cold served revenge though for Shawn, he ripped a chunk of my hair out. In that moment I had to make a quick decision, do I give him a right hook in the eye and spoil the party or do I end it and remove myself and SLAM THE BEDROOM DOOR AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE. Still angry and I will hear it at the salon today. My brother was drinking psycho punch for sure, he warned me he would hit back earlier so I knew it would escalate. I wonder if we will still kick the shit out of each other when we’re forty?

I think I am getting sick but I am not going to dwell on it, I’ve had a couple of those sick feeling sneezes that wash all over and prickles your skin the last few days and my denial act of said sickness possible ailments has actually been working effectively so far. Knocking on wood is for pussies. I also quite enjoy the taste of snot down my throat. #yeahisaidit.

We saved the gingerbread train for Hailey but we opened it like raccoons and inspected the box contents based on the credo of “I bought it.”

We also played indoor frisbee with this neat fold-up frisbee I got in San Diego from Blogher holy shit next year take an empty suitcase with you, I bet all those mommy bloggers wrapped their kindles for this xmas, smart.

I can’t believe they let me go out in public in this dopey outfit, the socks I was wearing with leggings and grey flats, stupid hat. Behind my back they were calling me a trucker dude. It’s every man for themself in my family. Haha this reminds me of drunk wisdomery with Courtney last night, I said, life is like that Will Smith post-apocalyptic world movie (I can’t believe I spelled that right) and he’s alone waiting for rescue and there are zombie monsters everywhere, THAT is what it’s like, you MUST be happy on your own and survive. We just discovered that Courtney’s Ex is more of a piece of shit than we thought so we got smammered last night. Smammered is Heidi’s word and I give credit where it’s due.

This is how dude’s wrap a present. WRONG. You make it look like a pretend fire in drama class and place it in one sheet at a time like the whole bag is a fire. Why do you think they give you 8 pieces? This is 8 pieces of tissue paper folded over, cool waste dude! I left it as is cos it was funny and then I pointed it out to everyone when we arrived for a joke. Dad I will get you a card on the weekend. LONGEST BIRTHDAY EVER.

Friday night alright outta site! It’s getting to laundry low level so outfits are interesting I wonder what I will wear today, how exciting!

Leaf me alone. Getting longer.

AHHH Scary leaf ghost.

I don’t know my own strength/accuracy plus I had never done this trick I just invented before. Don’t aim it at your head, stupid?

A woman was studying, (absentmindedly not seriously) and we quickly ruined that for her. If you don’t want to be around people then why the fuck did you leave the house? She was scowling at our fanfare but by the end managed to grimace a giving-in smile at me because I kept staring back at her threateningly with my FUN. I hate bitter people because they remind me of how I used to be.

So suck it.

My bro had oxbloods like these when he was a teenager, I had them in blue, so I got these as an homage to him as well as a double time burn. I bought him a nice pair of Wallabee’s a couple years ago as a switcheroonie on style omg what is this Freaky Friday! He wears them on special occasion type occasions. Why am I writing like Jack Kerouac today so much oh right I’m a pisstank wordsmith like he is, a-doye.

I am trying to do the Marilyn poster, can’t wait to see it!

Even though I’ll definitely be playing Courtney Love. I thought this outfit was a bit of a Cobain Hybrid.

OMG GET OUT OF MY HEAD. Lol.

And my Nirvana tribute tat. I felt I was dressed pretty posh at my MTV interview, I am tired of the Courtney Love connection. It’s insulting. Yes she is an icon a little but I am not a raging lunatic like that, not yet anyway. I was wearing a goddamn $800 jacket that I talked about for an hour aghh!

Party statue, fresh from band practise in where I scrame my fucking guts out after very little sleep cos I was partying, I swear! NO Courtney Love here. I’m cute though right? That soup had too much cinnamon.

Teach had a burger so he only ordered soup and the waitress went, “Just soup?” haha well we had pints and I ordered a vegan sandwich. If you eat like a vegan you will look like Kate Moss but people always be fucking with Teacher, it’s funny. I think it’s the glasses. People feel comfortable, themselves, in giving him a what-for. I love it.

Whereas me it’s a mystery box of how are they going to react. I know I generally boss around servers but that’s only because I am efficient and I sort out our drinks and food within four seconds of ass hitting seat, who said it that their dad was a busser orderer too? I am not exactly that guy but I know the time saving trick of menu depositing and splitting for five minutes and nuh uh if you think homie done gone play a trick like that. Our very nice and professionally phoney people pleaser server at Fazooli’s tried it and I was like, HEY, wait a minute. Then ordered apps and those slush martinis before she could go look at herself in a mirror. She knew then that we were a table not to be ignored.

There was a pile of leaves, maybe that pissed her off? Hey lady is this your pile of leaves? There are two kinds of people in the world, those who get angry over spilled piles of leaves and those who are no big deal about it and just rake it again as life and fall is short. Ha I kinda gave up on that one right. I am getting leaving house anxiety because it’s so rainy and my light bulb ikea guy I bought out of loneliness is so comforting (you should get one) but mostly I am lazy, and possibly sick. And a whiner.

Bringing the big ass umbrella with me.

Ready for your punk rock aerobics instruction? My torso is not this long or warped, it’s the pants, they have stretched out and are a large. I’ve shrunken since purchasing them.

How is this inappropriate for minors? My jingle bell rock dance video was flagged. HO HO HO!

Don’t forget to PVR How the Minx stole Christmas.

Wait a second.

He didn’t even tell me about these ones. He said he was “getting mad” so that meant I was posing right.

Ps. I am only wearing one pearl earring in the durex video, I lost one on the way over :( Gotta get ready now love you bye!

Prepare to get schooled

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Good afternoon class, welcome to Social Media Business Studies: THE NECESSARY EVIL. Now watch me as I live tweet and make fun of several people/brands/pop culture things. This is what we call “working” and this class is scheduled during a very vital key tweeting timeframe haha kidding I didn’t tweet, or say this either.

Wow love what you’ve done with the Business Department office. I love patios! I think it makes the students lazier though always coming to mooch around on their spare/lunch instead of walking up town to get high and eat pizza. Just kidding, no bad kids in sight, our generation has been grandfathered out. Speaking of, I told Mr. Bates about the falconer reunion party we had and said everyone is loving and like gangster’s paradise, one big happy family unit still. And yes everyone we are all very well versed on the hilarious offering what is Tom’s surname, Mr. Mastur- LOL. just had to get it out of the way cos it was very educationally important to address. The element of humour is a crucial raymi the minx component.

Statement purse of the century, Fall is definitely the season for a bright bag. This girl asked if it was some designer, whats her face and I was like “?” and then told them all about Nella Bella. She flips designer purses on Kijiji. Oh what a world we live in today.

Colleague and I were given leather-bound SSS insignia post-it holders. VIPLEASE treatment! Mr. Bates was funny and pointed out the 2010 dated year haha, and before he opened them up for us we were like Ooooh, and he goes yeah sorry (cos it could have been anything inside there right, good build-up to a great let-down) haha. I will let it proudly gather dust on a desk at some point, Tom.

See Tarek, everyone adores your work. Ps. do you think Mr. Bates is a sleeper gay? Lol.

No cell phones in class. Pfft. there isn’t wifi though cos of the (paranoia) brain waves, seriously. I said that’s fine, I didn’t have wifi so they should cope without.

I remember Mr. D he’s the shop/auto teacher, he always had grease rats loitering around, car groupies? Nerds who wanted to be manly and this one slutty girl whom I used to hang out with who was irritating as hell. She hung around Ward and I aka used him for rides, sorry gal, Ward is my chauffeur. He taught me to drive standard and I invented Life happens to Raymi at his house one night in the year 2000.

Woop woop! Partay!

And then this cute blushing ginger guy showed up and we shyly said hi to one another.

And then I was blown away by my English Media teacher showing up and screamed out OH MY GOD YOU INSPIRED ME SO MUCH! (Had no idea he was still teaching) And then everyone laughed at him gahaha.

He had hair when he taught me. Mr. Bates was like I didn’t know he taught you, I still think of him as the new guy. I chuckled as I set up my crap and said that’s funny you don’t get the respect you’ve earned and time you put in until you retire here. I hope you get a nice watch.

Off to chat to one of his students. Teachers use guests as student avoiding forcefields and just being an adult period in a school-setting makes everything you do look super important and you, very busy. Teachers have it made.

Ha I see event planner down there and how does a teacher even know what that means or how to teach it? I guess just watch wedding planning shows and you will figure it out? Brand manager? See, lucky kids, none of this shit was taught to me, which is what I told them so you better take notes.

We started in this room, then moved to the computer lab, which works on a first come first serve/scheduled basis? I introduced myself and then we all had to shuffle rooms. Gave me a breather to calm my nerves a little.

HOT FOR TEACHER!

Aaand here is my rack No wifi? Lets get out of here. Didn’t use the laptop at all during my talk. They could just tune real me out and scroll away.

Much better. Wow, it’s not blocked? Amazing. oh my god that girl’s hair, gorgeous.

Ok so, I have been doing this for eleven years this November blabbity blah.. One girl said ok so when did you first start getting paid, I said three years in or so, wait a minute, you did this for years and no money? UH I had a real job and I was building my brand and preparing for wealth and working in a non-existent field. I paved the way for what is happening today. I started blogvertorials. Today if you were smart enough, thanks to me, you could start a blog and make money from it pretty much straight away but there is still a lot of work required of you. A lot of planning goes in to it, from your brand (name) to your design, content, appeal, angle, niche. Over the decade I have made many contacts and connections which over time those bonds get stronger and trust is built and then eventually you advertise for every single person you know because you are an expert in your taste-making field, whether your brand is appropriate for that client or not (many seem to think that mine isn’t, wrong, your customers read my blog) you eventually become a household name with daily relevant coveted traffic. I get 3000 UNIQUE visitors daily and advertising with me will raise your website’s rank. For example, I’ve brought a brand’s rank of over 4 million to under a million after working on a 3 month long campaign with them. Does the blog you advertise with raise your rank at all?

If you’ll note, along my sidebar, I have over 10 FIRST PLACE various blog awards that I have won through weeks of solid hardcore intense and skillful campaigning. I do not settle for second place, First is where it’s at. I even beat Dooce in 2006 for Best Diarist, and by now she’s on par with Oprah and Katie Couric.

And last night I did my first film advertisement for a brand that I am sure I’ll get more work out of, knock on wood. I said here’s one of my trade secret tip sayings, YOU’RE ONLY AS BIG AS YOUR NEXT BIG THING so even though I am coming off something “big” that I did last night, I have to move on to the next thing, which is you guys here. Then I motioned to colleague with camera. You are my next blog post. I think they got it but I felt a little amway-ish at times with my zippy liners, I’d stop halfway through a maniac spiel and go uh, I guess no one knows what I am talking about and then I had to explain what spin-doctoring was (which Mr. Bates said OOh good one and is putting on his test!)

Couldn’t find my bag of newspaper tricks from last time I spoke at SSS so I only brought my tiny blurb in The Grid about Rob Ford, my mother, Dan Aykroyd and I to pass around. I prepared a fun bag of visuals too, boutique hotel room card keys I saved, my photo of the WTC burning that I took, conference badges, ticket stubs, a stuffed doll of myself someone made. I think it was a very enjoyable presentation if I do say so myself.

Hey blond girl you were in the last class I spoke to.

Lucky to get Mr. Bates two years in a row.

We watched Bad Teacher on the weekend so this was very timely for me, as is everything because I am always ahead of the curve. #dustingshouldersoff

Ok so like after I graduated from high school and took off to NYC I had to change my game plan because this major terrorist disaster event happened and the party was over and my big plan of making it in that scene kind of died so I moved to Maine for a few months and had a radio show there instead called There’s Something about Raymi. One kid is like, what was your radio show about? I said, stupid crap, like my blog. I read weird stuff on air from the internet and talked about Canada a lot cos they’re stupid idiots and don’t know anything about us. I read the Molson Canadian beer commercial (that had just come out) that debunks every canadian stereotype, or re-inforces it, the My name is Joe and I am canadian blabbity blah. Big hit! You can blog from anywhere in the world, any scene, life is what you make it and it extends to blogging so, no excuses. Every new experience is a new opportunity in blog life to reach a new market demographic/audience.

My first book at 22. Even hate mail is valuable. (measure it in inches, -Warhol) We’ll be rolling out a Dear Raymi vol. II no doubt at some point, so watch your grammar! raymi@raymitheminx.com

I caught her laughing along with some of my jokes. Good stand-up practise too. When I passed around The Grid copy I said now, this paper didn’t have to mention my mother and I at this function but I had the exclusive on it and the saucy addition of raymi the minx and the mayor is media gold and that is somewhat linked to spin doctoring in the sense that, I knew a photo with the mayor would pay off for my blog and that it did that’s why I invited Tracey the Minx and my fairy Godmother Lois. We’ll be out on the loose tonight and tomorrow oh my. I was very insidery with these kids cos I wanted it to all make sense to them someday when they learn that blogging is a very good means of success if done right, quite a practical hands-on learning which is what I meant when I asked how a teacher could possibly teach about event planning because there is more to it than simply guest lists (I told them to kiss PR girl ass like a motherf-er) and simple black outfits, you have to spin doctor and get VIPs in there, media, you have to orchestrate a magical successful circus, it can be a nightmare. Planning my ten year ann. gig was hell and there is still a frosty scowly face bee in this industry hive toward me for some alleged rudeness besought upon her from me (which I had no intention nor recollection of), you cannot please everyone and WILL NOT. So toughen up.

This is the cookie dealer. He makes cookies at home, wraps them in cling film, and price tag stickers, sells them at school which by Mr. Bates’ confession, is illegal. Mr. Bates is one of his cookie customers. LOL! I said that’s great but what are you going to do when you graduate? Get on twitter and/or blast on FB what batch of cookies you’ll be making for tomorrow. It’s his dream to make an indoor skatepark.

Hey kids what can I say, I did it my way.

Cookies have been banned from cafeterias, all junk and unhealthy foods, but Mr. Bates said (uber-sarcastically) yeah “apparently” because they’re evil, yes. I’m taste-testing one, not bad, not overly sweet or buttery. Smart guy. Also, wouldn’t your sexist old-fashioned mentality picture the bubbly phoney popular girl to be behind this evil cookie selling?

$1 liquidated to 25 cents hey I learned about double-stickering in biz class too kid, you’re lucky I didn’t pay for this.

Ha ha how adventures in babysitting of me. A lesson in swag bags. Also on the test! No one knew what they were, Mr B was shocked. Only Toronto kids know what they are, interesting.

????? So glad I am not in high school anymore o_O?

One of my sponsorships. That blew my little fan girl raymi away. I have 7 Nella Bellas?

Interesting hair day from behind.

That kid fired up Yogurty’s website and I’m like, excuse me, is he even in this class? I gave him a card too tried to get him to pose in our group photo Ahaha. He was really funny (good work you are working very hard lol I said) and I used him (and others) at certain junctures for comedic purposes. Good group of kids these lot, it was a fun lesson session.

I played with this three hole punch A LOT even partially dismantling it at one point.

Ok lets get the hell outta here and beat the after school rush. But do we have time for a library heist first and group photos? Duh!

Success is going back to your high school and teaching them about your weird life. You can work in a box factory and be a millionaire (though unlikely) ok scrap the box factory thing, what I mean is, I am one who thinks I am always right and I need to public/motivational speak at least every other month or so to stay sharp so thanks for having me Mr. Bates! Get those kids on tumblr.com or twitter. Probably both. And funnel all that crap to Facebook while you’re at it. (especially the cookie dealing kid I got high hopes for him and the Kijiji girl too).

Good work, I am giving you all A’s. Now get that swag bag out of here we do not advertise for free.

I only dressed a little bit slutty. Guy on the left looks exactly like a friend/classmate of mine from SSS who died of Meningitis while backpacking in Spain, in a hostel (be careful when you travel, and if it’s a cold, it could be worse!)(not to make you travel paro or anything) I didn’t mention it at the time but every time I looked at his face, it hurt. He died in his sleep, was peaceful. #emo. He was 21 I think. I got one last summer party in with him that I am forever grateful for, we all went til the sun came up and I never partied like that before all the high school cast were there. Maybe I will write about it some day. Way to go Scott Monk for that rip roarin’ blast! #thosewerethedays. I lived in Oakville at the time. Actually I will write about it and stick it in Six Months in Mansions which’ll be a juicy seller.

Mr. Bates is into harajuku culture or he likes to copy how I pose in photos.

How cute. Ahh high school memories. So fun.

And now for more fun. Book heist.

Mr. Bates gave me a copy of On the Road (a little raymi that pays attention) and I was like, can we steal the copy I used from the library for my essay that’s all underlined and marked up like a crazy emotional teenager? Ok sure, class, stay here til the bell rings we “have to go”. HAhaa. I said just locked them in!

Blond girl was on our tracks, then Mr. Bates dropped out of teacher role (which is hilarious to see a teacher being real and like, when Bob Saget swears, I am so naive it’s adorable) and said some funny stuff and I go, Mr. Bates! There’s a student RIGHT THERE behind us and he goes, oh yeah, she’s great. Then made her hold his clip board while he tied his shoe and said, there should be someone here to do this for me. HAHAH! Dying. Then some of his students slip out and he’s like, they’re escaping. School is jokes, or a joke if you’re a genius like me. My brother let a neighbourhood cat in the school a couple times. That school is so chill man compared to the scary maximum security prison what was my Catholic School I transferred from.

The lockers are painted differently now.

Very teachery shoes of me, clacky. I brought other heels to change into but didn’t see the point.

Haha look dad he chose a picture of me and your mustang for his clipboard notes.

This library was a good place to duck in to if you were avoiding teachers, or brothers.

I used to write in the Vice forums in this library, until the website was blocked, and then my blog too. Yahoo chat wasn’t, I’d plan my night’s mischief at SSS before going to my part time job, where I had phone access for 4-5 hours before closing time. Pre-cellphone world smarts. I bought a Motorola brick phone to make sneaking around easier too. That’ll go in another autobiography.

Should have looked up the last time it was taken out. Probably me.

How to not steal: If paparazis are present, they may photograph your crime. Ps. I don’t steal. Once in awhile a friend will admit to petty theft or Kleptomania and it is shocking, some people actually have a problem. A family friend at one point in time was an under cover store walker, he has stooories.

Yup that’s the one.

Metal detection bypass. You mean, I could have been stealing books all those years? Magazines too? Dammit. It’s ok, when I wrote reports I would invent authors/books that didn’t exist and make up the facts and bullshit statistics myself if I couldn’t find any books on it or take from a pile that I didn’t read. Sometimes my stuff was so well written I’d get, not exactly accused of, but perceived plagiarism. No, I am just a very good writer, sorry. My dad accused me once too, it’s a compliment the way I see it. 56% of euthanized pets are grateful for it. Lol.

Like, this is SO good there is no way an idiot like you could have written this. And how!

Cheers yo thanks SSS love ya Ever! Always! Forever! and kids, don’t forget…

Ta xo your pal raymi.