Tag Archives: holland

Holland tunnel vision

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Bday flower gift for mum shopping. Ready, set, go. Yee-haw. Queen’s Day is “Like some sort of colorblind St. Patrick’s Day. ” According to ol Jame-bo. He’s right. Was in Amsterdam for it one year.

To find the most perfect flower gift we had to comb through the seven layers of Christmas-not-Christmas garden heaven. I love this country because it was decorated by a five year old on LSD. I uploaded lots of photos so I hope you have your attention span pants on. I sure as hell don’t.

Smoke up baby! I requested that this be fun this time. You should see us grocery shop. Put two people together who have zero patience, it’s funny and like putting dynamite on a dynamite tree.

Xmas here must be ridonkulous.

I knew it was gonna be weird but my expectations were blown out of the water, happily.

Oh hi there.

This camera is amazing. He’s getting another one. He has a technology problem/very good at justifying it. There is one of everything in this house.

Great low maintenance seasonal flowers. Love hibiscus.

Colour is eyeball prozac.

They tried to make me believe that guy (no idea how to spell his name) with the chihuahuas was super spiritual cos he has one of these heads in his living room. My response: silent eye-blinking. This teleported foreigner cannot gauge bullshit, doesn’t have the energy plus I cannot at all picture that guy meditating like at all I don’t know if that’s insulting but it’s funny and that’s good enough for me. BTW culturally they have variations on sayings we have back home.

Witch brooms, not actually witch brooms. For little Dutch potatoes and their teeny farm cottages KaBOOM! ADORABLE.

Okay here is another one. If someone’s talking shit or nonsense they say IS THERE A CAMEL SHITTING IN THE HALLWAY? ahahhahahhaha!!!!!! Like a guy who is always bragging or one-upping, or if my bf is (constantly) talking lots of crap, not really crap but just blabbity blahhing my head off. It’s pure jokes. His dad told me Warhol was sponsored by the CIA and bf’s like omg not that one again. AAHahaha.

There are only so many things I can say about flowers in these captions jeez. Don’t worry I uploaded some of the town we went to afterward.

I feel like jamming these in my eyes though I don’t know about you. Rubbing them on my eyelids and purring like Bambi wtf is wrong with me right now.

This is what dyed carnations try to look like ahhh burn! (Ashton Kutcher voice)

While blogging I multi-task.

What kind of salad dressing should I make tonight? Not adding any more spice to anything my lips are so dry from our morning walk in the park sun + soup lip burn accident.

Diff shade of pink! Swoon.

Closed hundreds of them. Scary exhilarating.

Have video too.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

My nails are now a disaster. Doing them before cooking is pointless.

That deer moved. They have moving animals at the supermarket that make you feel like you are mega drunk still from last night when you’re looking at meats. A panda, a cheetah, slowly move back and forth it is the most confusing thing ever.

This little guy looks like he has a sneaky little secret. I am watching you!

Can’t beat em join em kinda thang. I am waving to my friends.

Who seem to be handling that suicide pretty good.

I feel like some kooky kids tv show has this tree in it, or like several of them and that’s the part when toddlers at home start crying.

No problems there.

Want.

Who even writes on paper anymore? I love paper.

And girly stuff.

And I really need these!

And that kitten brush too lets get out of here.

I love the smell of this. It makes me think someone’s eating cookies. That’s also because someone usually is. I don’t know where he puts all the crap that he eats it is unbelievable.

Guys, it’s about time I told you that this is my house.

You’re going on the internet and there’s just nothing you can do about it.

Going to have lunch here on a sunny day.

That’s right it’s Shetland horses time.

What?

Now you what?

What?

I like your hair.

You mad bro?

Okay more hi-jinx later I got tings ta do. Love Raymes.

The Holland tunnel is in NYC BTW.

Rayminvasion

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Hi “friends”.

Super proud of my chicken leg marination turn out. Now I’ve got yellow curry basil coconut cream lime pepper breasts marinating. Booyakasha. Kitchen gangster. Ooh speaking of did you see the thing on Yakuza on National Geographic last night? Kinda want shoulder chest tattooos now.

Mr. Jacobs designer pop.

I really don’t smoke that much I just like the manipulative artsiness and photo opp novelty. When you date a smoker as a non-smoker it turns in to monkey see monkey do. Not in Canada though I hate Canadian smoke, in Europe it’s far more Serge Gainsbourg fabulous in fact bf kinda looks like him too. Hot. I still make lots of bitchy remarks about smoke smell though, airing out the house, opening windows and such.

One of my rotating house outfits. Housefits. This is from Friday I think? I’m 5’8 1/2 if anybody wants to know, people ask sometimes. At my physical the nurse measured me as 6’2 she was not the best at cm conversion. I said that’s very nice of you but there is no way I’m six two then she’s like okay you’re 5’6 and I was like NO WAY LADY never mind and don’t even bother telling me how much I weigh either ahha.

I have discovered the miracle of crap attackz and it is smoothies. First drink a glass of water, then have a n’espresso, then have a smoothie which is heavier and pushes the water, espresso and last night’s dinner out your bum before you’re done your smoothie! I’m becoming OCD about this routine. Water coffee smoothie. Then around noon we have lunch or whenever hunger strikes. Normally I starve myself all day long and have a bodum of coffee and no water.

The teeny stairs I climb up and down multi-times daily, easier for someone sans foot injury. I do a 360 degree rotation and walk sideways like a crab. Foot is getting better the doctor said we just came back from fisio. Hurts like hell when he presses on the ligament and manipulates it then he rubs it for 5 minutes with the ultrasound thing. Then he asks questions about us/me and wtf it is I’m doing here haha. He’s like what did you do this weekend and I’m like I have no idea actually. I can’t tell if people think I’m funny or totally insane and I also do not care. Being an adult rules.

ps. my nails are almost at Rihanna length now. pps.. why do people think Beyonce is queen cos she ain’ts! Riri’s music is on every station and she kills it just saying.

BOY ARE YOU IN FOR A TREAT.

Yes Shannon it’s a stocking peel ahahhaha. #burlesque (miss you).

For today’s session I didn’t do anything sexy at all well maybe I did I just can’t help it I is so sexy. Haha.

I hope he likes me so much he throws the bill away. Maybe if I shave my leg next time ughh so embarrassing to have teeny black hairs sprouting out of your ankle in front of two dudes right?

Curvy little monkey now.

Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll do some sit-ups sometime zzzz.

Aghhhhhh.

Met the sister, she’s awesome and an incredible painter/artist. We have the same hair colour and she is a shit disturber like me/us. Perfect. Insta-family.

Plus she says I’m pretty all the time and that I have nice teeth. Gave her my blog url I better not regret it! She said she’ll comment and say that everything I say is a lie hehehhe.

What the hell is he looking at?

Oh.

I bet these look great at night.

SO CUTE. There’s more hanging off the building but you get the point come to Holland to see for yourself.

Cigarettes make me a cheaper drunk. Also he said that diet coke and vodka makes booze stronger, any diet drink does I’ll have to look in to that.

So bad. So good. Had a salad too which was boringsville in comparison. This is where a girl (they knew) asked me where I was from on account of my accent and my ego exploded when she said cool. CANADA <3.

My right hook punch scab is slowly healing hope I don’t have a scar left over I need vitamin e cream omg I love that stuff. I punched the visor in the car because the week of planning to come here was stressful to the max and full of doctor appointment mayhem with mom. Hi mom love you miss you xoxoxo.

Queen’s night is tomorrow. We’re going to a rave or something. The crown pass over happens early in the morning I will probably be asleep and it happens in Amsterdam.

Super bummed someone took my boots from The Sheraton and I hate myself for how long it took me to notice. Not that I can wear heels right now anyhow. Wore my Toms to a night club on Saturday, didn’t know we would end up there. Spontaneous slob outfits in fancy settings gets you a lot of attention cos your I don’t care factor is off the charts on top of just standing out as a Canadian period but people in clubs are out on the prowl anyhow so who knows really. One cougar in particular got under my skin I’ll tell you about it later cos you love that shit. I hope when I’m older I don’t scowl at younger prettier girls. In fact I know I won’t.

These guys whistled something in Dutch I don’t know what.

Then I met my two new best friends Whiskey and Peggy, mom and son chihuahuas.

They are so cuddly and affectionate too. What’s the point of having a prick for a pet?

This guy’s place is very nicely done I asked if a chick did it, nope. Girls he’s single.

Smirnoff ice here is 4% so they can sell it in supermarkets. They say it’s like lemonade, for kids AHAhah like seriously what’s the point I’d have to drink a billion to cop a buzz.

Girls are not as good as guys at the lighter bottle cap thing. This took us awhile.

So annoying.

Finally minxed Whiskey over my way.

I want one! It’s not that I’m not a dog person I’m just irresponsible. No. I just move around a lot and that’s not fair to little dog people. One day I’ll have my own we’ll see.

Floor score!

Brand new shirt in a bag on street we kicked across square. Was €10. Raymi 1, #Holland 0.

Foot doctor’s office #art. May as well blog the rest of my instagrams. Follow me on there too I want to have lots of followers! NOW!

In the backyard. Way cuter than the mass-produced ones at Canadian Tire or Garden Centers.

Photo bomb. We kind of look related right? This is in Germany.

For schnitzel my nitzel. #germany #rheine #foodie not #foodporn but we inhaled in seconds nonetheless.

In the downstairs bathroom. Oh those quirky Dutch. I love it.

See my headband?

Housewife #foodie #porn egg a la Raymi. #brunch.

I’ve been to #Mars. #Aruba. Okay bye for now off to buy flowers.

Method Blogger

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When I landed we got to stare at one another for forty minutes through the glass as I waited for my luggage. Frustrating. The phone started dialing and I bet a phone somewhere on the other side rings? I got spooked and hung up though.

This is in the kitchen. I love it.

1 tulip at the airport. 80 at home. Don’t forget the soup.

Whoops. ALL good now, separated in to two vases some just couldn’t reach the water cos they were all stuffed in to that tiny wine cooler HAH then we left them in the front window with the curtains closed.

The table is going to be replaced but not from ikea he says. I’m all whatever about it but it’s nice to do the whole playing house thing. There’s a lot of vintage dutch around here too, love retro design and the bright colours despite some thinking the 70’s were tacky with all that orange, it’s not for everyone. It’s hot out today, well, winter is definitely gone and it’s 21 I see it’s going to be overcast in Toronto? I check your weather before you wake up. When he gets back from a meeting we’re going to go do some Dutch stuff. Also as an aside I explained what a Dutch oven was and he does not find the duplicity as funny as me BUT he does perform them on me so I think that he actually does now. Fuck it’s always outsmarting, out-witting and out fucking with over here my brain is constantly being stimulated combined with love and in Holland it’s romantic and crazy, but normal. Going to the fysiotherapeut was funny I kept having to hide my smirk. Normal to them, not normal to me and I’m not even walking around baked all the time so the normal is even funnier because I’m not imagining it. I had my lubed foot rubbed by ultrasound from a guy wearing tight mustard corduroy pants in front of my boyfriend and I’m trying to speak english with the doctor while he’s jerking off my foot in a cuckoo clock designed modern fun house of a clinic and it was normal, it was normal, but everything has a keebler elf aesthetic to it. I like it I really do. I think I’m just fucked in the head in general and I get lots of laughs out of life, moving on. I’ll show you pics later on, I go back Friday.

I didn’t ask what’s under those tires but farmers use them to hold down their ______?

Old men and their cars that they baby/adore more than their dumpy wives (no offense) they sat at a table directly across from their babies and eyeballed them like hawks. Brit cars in Germany. BF points out every single car of interest to me, make, country. There’s lots of cool ones. He’s getting a new car too I forget what. I don’t have a blog name for him yet so I just call him he or bf, that’s good enough for now.

Common house shade but like everyone has them, like one house got one then everyone got one, ranging in colours, I’ll be sure to ask why.

Front hall.

Pre-donair carpaccio I made salad too. Holy fuck I am a total house wife now I mean I’ve done it before but sometimes I’m like how the hell do I do this again? Luckily I have mad foodie skills. It’s neat to see how someone else cooks something a different way, or cuts mushrooms different, it means debates on everything. EVERYTHANG. Like WWII I am this close to saying my grandpa dropped b*mbs on Germany lol but it doesn’t matter cos he’s not German maybe I’ll save that for next week when I meet Christine and her german bf wtf small world right go look.

It’s a late spring though the trees haven’t gone green yet but there’s cherry blossoms blossomed. It’s still very green and gorgeous otherwise the grass is all new.

Hair is getting long. Next on to do list is to trim the ends, a teeny bit, and, myself back the hell off my hair I will stab you.

This is where I live. Ha jokes.

German gas station, were grabbing beer for our donair date.

I wish this was taken during the patch of sun but it’s not. He’s done his meeting now so I better finish this crap up stat.

We have this in Canada right? I swear we do?

Waiting for our snack.

This is what they call a snack, it’s cheap and there are long line-ups and a place down the way copied their style and built a place like it but they have no line-ups.

It went up from 2.50 euro to 5 though.

So good. We shared and passed out early. We get up way early and I think that’s good, yeah? Okay bye for now I have to hang up my clothes and fix my face. Tonight we have the chicken I marinated for supper, it’s smelling goooooood. oh and ps. I’ll tell you what I meant by “method blogger”/ing later on and yes it has everything to do with Joaquin Phoenix lol WWJPD?

xxoo