Tag Archives: germany

Frauline Raymi

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Guten tag Canada. For realsies. I’ve been awake since 7.30am and we’ve been swimming, to my foot doctor, to “solarium” (tanning) and had a LOT of caffeine today. We are both hyper spazzes and when we don’t drink it’s like, giddy-uppa! He went and got me a new desk chair and free weights too. Oh wait before I continue..

Thanks. Maybe I shouldn’t have done all those tricep extensions before writing just now ow zzz. Plus I swam like a motherf*er today too.

Cliche Euro girl alone in room photo.

We didn’t take any photos of our walk yesterday because we are exhausticated by the camera and wanted us time. Actually no one wanted to carry it, so I called his bluff. The walk went ten times faster without documenting every fucking leaf along the way plus I was wearing flip flops and it’s all sand. I walk like a gimp. Like a pregnant bitch. Especially in sand. Halfway through I gave up on limping and forced my foot to walk in the direction of forward and I could do it but it hurts. Doctor today said it was improving but I had to stick my face down my shirt to cover my crying from the pain it endures when he manipulates my ligament.

Some of the rest of my outfit. It was so hot out yesterday. We went for another walk later on and fed the ducks and thousands of carp and the ducks scared me. There’s an aggressive fat female who walks up to us on the bridge honking and bullies the men off, I have duck phobia. It’s a perfectly logical fear to have of being pecked. Maybe we will make her in to peking duck if she blows it next time.

Bf was making a stupes face so I cropped him out because I think I look pretty for once. Except where is my reflection in the mirror!? OOOOOH Vampire.

Alright now here is where the show begins. We drove to Germany to perhaps climb to the castle and have a beer beside it but then spied a Medieval fair afoot. What’s that? WE ARE GOING TO THAT.

Ignore all the normies and just stare at the freaks. Best. We drank up in that tree house under the two top blue tent points. Looks pretty rinky dink from here come to think of it. A sign I couldn’t understand in German said climb at own risk but what is life without adventure? Actually wait that was my bf’s ad lib I’m like the lady at the flower shop writing verbatim phone messages on flower note cards or the engrish cake decorator.

Oh yeah we are so going in. This guy tried to haggle fuck with us at the end and I was like that’s really great and all if he messed with me in English, joke’s on them ahah. Happened at every tent pretty much. Plus we watch Scam City religiously so we know all the gypsy-swindling tricks.

Sunday Funday in Germany :).

I was pretty excited. Dis gun be good. I’m a total freak secret nerd too. I mean genius.

Zero successful spells cast this day. So many wizards. Tons of goths. Larpers ran the whole show.

Hey whatcha looking at?

Obvi.

They were speaking Elvish. Just kidding, German. Same thing. Just kidding. But no, even in English I’d be like what are these geeks all fucking talking about seriously hello??

I better get some axe throwing skills (I have friends who do it) just in case and maybe some crystals too and gummi bear juice balahaha omg I can tell this is going to take forever getting through this.

My first honeymoon weekend here we drank on the other side of that on a patio, it was so fun.

Sweet outfit Lauren.

Not hungry.

Beer. Yes.

Proper set-up here.

Authentical.

Bad ass player. Bf hasn’t seen role models yet. I quoted it a million times. It’s going to be so much funnier now. That’s it if I send him the trailer he’ll d/l it instantly.

Love him (king guy from the hangover) I kept asking where the king was (to no one) and lets go find him. We didn’t.

You betcha we saw larping (the battle) before we left then it was like ALRIGHT THAT’S ENOUGH.

Haha Fogel. Omg he hasn’t seen Superbad either. Am I the only person who doesn’t have a life around here? Back to Rayme Times now.

Parent time out place. The fighting happened behind them. Someone’s face was eye level with my crotch the entire time I took pictures of it. I get a little nervous in public here because I don’t understand anything I hear and people kind of talk loud sometimes to include you and you’re like is this a test? I don’t know any of their fucking answers. These moments happen when my bf takes off to buy beer or run up a building lol I dunno. I basically get a lot of social experimental opportunities. I think the neighbours think I am a snob though because I stonewall them because it’s exhausting waiting for eye contact, to be polite, then we wave, oh, is this the wave part? Like a passing boat on a lake. Stranger encounters, faux pas, rules of etiquette where there are none. The deep person’s travel doctrine.

Lets play eye spy.

I spy summer goths. I am one to talk because I wear black in the sun too and I know it is idiotic. I am just sad I didn’t wear my grunge crucifix this day and I was so close.

Some guys were holding these like they had beer inside. Ew gross/jealous.

Dreeeeeeeeamy. Beer in a wine bottle, how swoon.

Proost!

My stomach is rumbling.

I did not have the attention span for that. I have videos though maybe I will have attention for those.

I went to a Medieval fair when I was in England, it was at Warwick Castle. I think I only repeated that 10 times. But it did feel great to be here by a real castle in the sun with all the goofy shit to look at. I mean historical period things. I love the past and people who think they’re pirates and weirdos in general. There’s good finds to be had too but I’m scrimpy AND saving my load for an H&M spree or a top shop something like that, something like f21. Something in Amsterdam I’m sure. It’s really hard to ignore the inner hippie at these things but luckily there are a lot of one of a kind don’ts. Like a skirt that you velcro over your pants because you don’t shave your armpits anymore I think?

We sat on this bench and heard 400 people say the exact same thing about this, but in German, Dutch, Russian and so on. Ooh, left out in the sun too long. I got him to cross its skeleton leg over the knee later on faaaaaaaaabulous.

That’s my flag, well one of them. Big-ups WALES. I bet they won the battle.

These guys watched us while we drank our beer and we watched them back. The bench was positioned kind of oddly on this hill and we took it. Best people watching tanning perch.

Lots to see.

Look at those sweet crosses. Bet they’re real. Yes at one point I did in fact quote William Wallace.

Yo chill Transylvania. I wonder how much trouble I am in once he reads all these blog posts he needs to catch up on ahaha.

Some lovely hats.

Ancient wall. I give it 1661. I just Wiki’d the town.

This is getting weird now.

My sweet stamp. Almost as shite as my tattoo.

Now I’m thirsty.

Nice cape. Okay I’ll continue my Raymedieval Review after my shower. I have a Skype appointment and I just Something about Mary’d my bangs with hair glue he got from the stupid haircut he received this morning. Have a tubular Tuesday.

You are being minxed.

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Hi everyone who is not me, happy Monday. Better make it snappy cos it’s hot out and it might not last plus it’s almost lunch. I’m still not 100% and I think this thing has traveled in to my lungs now, phlegmtastical. Update: went for a nice walk and now I am back.

Stay tuned for this cray day! Each day is a fantastical mystery adventure. So much to do.

We were curious about this tent for a few days before Queen’s Day then were like oh right, duhh.

Football club.

You think at the top it says drop?

This is vodka.

Cuuute. Sister said my blog is inspired, wants to paint me. Can’t take it back now! Actually we should have a paint jam.

Super goofy ahha.

Handicap friendly. I heard another conspiracy theory from the father! There’s an empty unit in this building from when they housed prisoners off-site, you can’t reach it from the elevator. Love it. Scarylicious. They’re gone now.

Lets go for a drink. Or a ton.

Boobs O_O. They had an it’s your fault not our fault look away disclaimer. Very cheeky country.

Night club hot. If asked to classify one of my kinds of hot, NIGHTCLUB HOT is one of my hots. I also represent a strong BEER GOGGLES HOT front as well as OLD MAN HOT. Have you got an hour? It’s funny or cosmic that I come up with these dumb sayings, raymisms, then bf’s sis and I got to gossiping or, “bonding” and she was going through pictures from this night and making fun of herself and I’m like yeah sames I’m nightclub hot. Then we laughed for five minutes ahah omg I can’t stop thinking about the sour face of that woman who gave me stink eye for a full fucking hour straight! The more drunk I became the more I mouthed off about it until finally I gave her the longest eye contact mean girl smile back and we stared at each other for five minutes, she must have been Latvian I dunno (hi Anja!!) but she def came from the cougar bar from across the way. There’s a name for it they all make fun of but it’s kind of a compliment when someone makes you their enemy all night long meanwhile everyone else is blowing and hugging you. I got nicknamed Moose (Canadian) and had to explain why that particular Canadian mammal was not a complimentary thing to call a woman and now it looks even worse when typed haha.

I actually liked this place a lot. It’s a restaurant earlier in the day, evening. You can watch the boomers lining up across the path and they ALL eventually turn up at the dance club you’re at, endless action and entertainment. Good DJ too. I was dressed like a mom, no one cared. Next time I will dress less homely. We went for a drive, then we went to the city, then were like lets call sister she’s like ughh more notice please next time ok I’m getting ready now lol then we walked into the square and bob’s your uncle disco time. My outfit and have a good time audacity with 25 years jr get-up is precisely why I got stink eye all night long. She didn’t find Mr. Right at the cougar bar so she went across the street to scowl at everything. I danced even more ridiculous, my bf was dipping me it was the best funnest time ever. I wanted to pinch myself.

BF knows the dj.

This is what you call a better pour on the personality outfit cos you ain’t got shit. Guys I love a challenge. Pretty and plain girls are a threat oh no she didn’t just apply chapstick!

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Someone’s stealing heaven

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Went to Rheine yesterday – Rheine is a town in the district of Steinfurt in Westphalia, Germany. It is the largest town in the district and the location of Rheine Air Base. And that is the extent of my wikipedia knowledge for now.

Bike lock ghosts.

He’s got blue eyes. Would not stand beneath this sign.

Looking forward to clothes shopping. You can’t wear animal prints here cos they think that shit is stupid. WATCH ME. Ha. I forgot that some euros are fashion advanced so what looks cheesy to me here now in a year and a half everyone in North America will be doing. If I gave a fuck about fashion I’d write about it in length. Actually I do care about fashion but only my own everyone else can suck it.

This long streety street reminded me of Quebec City. Once you get to the top/end it turns in to open space, fountains, tables encircling the square, there’s a few squares, more like oblong blobs of cobblestone space and a few churches that on the hour sound off but are not synchronized and I suggested a techno beat with some dancing goths.

So love flower prints.

I could not find the perfume I wanted and I sprayed so much on it was hard to get to the bottom of so just went with some RL for Raymi Lauren. My teenage fail safe.

And Nail polish I can’t stop staring at the bottle of I can’t wait to paint my long minx talons.

The doctor said I have to wear better supported shoes and these are the only ones. Kinda gino euro anyway so they work/don’t care. I need fancier shoes. I NEED EVERYTHING.

Another warm day, very summer-like.

Ah duh H&M is German swedish I totally knew that lol. Didn’t go in because you do not come out empty handed.

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Method Blogger

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When I landed we got to stare at one another for forty minutes through the glass as I waited for my luggage. Frustrating. The phone started dialing and I bet a phone somewhere on the other side rings? I got spooked and hung up though.

This is in the kitchen. I love it.

1 tulip at the airport. 80 at home. Don’t forget the soup.

Whoops. ALL good now, separated in to two vases some just couldn’t reach the water cos they were all stuffed in to that tiny wine cooler HAH then we left them in the front window with the curtains closed.

The table is going to be replaced but not from ikea he says. I’m all whatever about it but it’s nice to do the whole playing house thing. There’s a lot of vintage dutch around here too, love retro design and the bright colours despite some thinking the 70’s were tacky with all that orange, it’s not for everyone. It’s hot out today, well, winter is definitely gone and it’s 21 I see it’s going to be overcast in Toronto? I check your weather before you wake up. When he gets back from a meeting we’re going to go do some Dutch stuff. Also as an aside I explained what a Dutch oven was and he does not find the duplicity as funny as me BUT he does perform them on me so I think that he actually does now. Fuck it’s always outsmarting, out-witting and out fucking with over here my brain is constantly being stimulated combined with love and in Holland it’s romantic and crazy, but normal. Going to the fysiotherapeut was funny I kept having to hide my smirk. Normal to them, not normal to me and I’m not even walking around baked all the time so the normal is even funnier because I’m not imagining it. I had my lubed foot rubbed by ultrasound from a guy wearing tight mustard corduroy pants in front of my boyfriend and I’m trying to speak english with the doctor while he’s jerking off my foot in a cuckoo clock designed modern fun house of a clinic and it was normal, it was normal, but everything has a keebler elf aesthetic to it. I like it I really do. I think I’m just fucked in the head in general and I get lots of laughs out of life, moving on. I’ll show you pics later on, I go back Friday.

I didn’t ask what’s under those tires but farmers use them to hold down their ______?

Old men and their cars that they baby/adore more than their dumpy wives (no offense) they sat at a table directly across from their babies and eyeballed them like hawks. Brit cars in Germany. BF points out every single car of interest to me, make, country. There’s lots of cool ones. He’s getting a new car too I forget what. I don’t have a blog name for him yet so I just call him he or bf, that’s good enough for now.

Common house shade but like everyone has them, like one house got one then everyone got one, ranging in colours, I’ll be sure to ask why.

Front hall.

Pre-donair carpaccio I made salad too. Holy fuck I am a total house wife now I mean I’ve done it before but sometimes I’m like how the hell do I do this again? Luckily I have mad foodie skills. It’s neat to see how someone else cooks something a different way, or cuts mushrooms different, it means debates on everything. EVERYTHANG. Like WWII I am this close to saying my grandpa dropped b*mbs on Germany lol but it doesn’t matter cos he’s not German maybe I’ll save that for next week when I meet Christine and her german bf wtf small world right go look.

It’s a late spring though the trees haven’t gone green yet but there’s cherry blossoms blossomed. It’s still very green and gorgeous otherwise the grass is all new.

Hair is getting long. Next on to do list is to trim the ends, a teeny bit, and, myself back the hell off my hair I will stab you.

This is where I live. Ha jokes.

German gas station, were grabbing beer for our donair date.

I wish this was taken during the patch of sun but it’s not. He’s done his meeting now so I better finish this crap up stat.

We have this in Canada right? I swear we do?

Waiting for our snack.

This is what they call a snack, it’s cheap and there are long line-ups and a place down the way copied their style and built a place like it but they have no line-ups.

It went up from 2.50 euro to 5 though.

So good. We shared and passed out early. We get up way early and I think that’s good, yeah? Okay bye for now I have to hang up my clothes and fix my face. Tonight we have the chicken I marinated for supper, it’s smelling goooooood. oh and ps. I’ll tell you what I meant by “method blogger”/ing later on and yes it has everything to do with Joaquin Phoenix lol WWJPD?

xxoo