Tag Archives: amsterdam

The blog must go on

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Lets begin again somewhere in the middle.

Hi Liz!

She painted this shoe it’s on her twitter header @artwaif. One of the many highlights of reading her blog was when she went to Burning Man and seeing her preparations for that. Girl crafts, yo. Hoola hoops, glitter, paint, etc. OKAY BACk TO ME NOW.

I got to be a hand model for work did I tell you? Always keeping those bad boys in check.

A few days before NYE.

Raymi Lauren.

Amazing. I was jealous. So much is going on with this burger. A pineapple? WTF I would throw that off. The smokey burger plus the warm tandoori creamy sauce blew my mind, and it’s open face and messy as hell. He ordered it.

I had a tosti and because the spicy-peppery thinly sliced salami was charcuterie-level and the sandwich was pressed thin, I wasn’t jealous of his lunch for very long. I try to eat super light if at all in the day since we gorge all night long.

These stairs are daring. The side at the right is so thin it’s like walking on a ledge, you must pay attention to your feet at all times it’s like a paper fan, hard to convey go see for yourself. I am a recovering foot injured person, falling is a new paranoia added to my list of hypochondria. Fact: I am accident-prone.

I call this: Elitist PR girl porn.

I call this: Desperate housewife.

Dutch bathroom time. Futuristic retro and Japan-like. Sidenote: I have never been to Japan but I have a Hello Kitty complex.

Efficient. Very common typical and the button on the wall too. I love toilets here because they are huge and you can fill it up with all the tp you want. I’m sorry but I make mountains.

AHHH see.

Swoon.

Stuff like this inspires me forever. It’s like dopamine looking at and romanticizing surroundings you escape to in your dreams.

I love you. I love Eu. I love Europe.

Oh you know just a house castle just around the corner.

It was a lovely day. I really love this house. This style, it screams English cottage. His mom was just here and gave me some bg info on Holland, it is largely French inspired actually and Napoleon had his fingers all over it. His brother was the King and lived in this palace in Amsterdam btw. Then all of his siblings became a queen or a king. What a crazy time that would have been.

Good timing on this film. Football hooligans.

End of year errands were done in the evening. They call New year’s eve-eve Old year. It’s confusing hearing people talk sometimes, their expressions are amusing. On NYE I could not for the life of me think of ONE example of an English expression (two birds one stone for example) but now they’ve all come flooding in. I said that the Dutch speak in riddle all the time “expressions” and they said no they do not. I dunno, whatever it keeps you on your toes.

Then he got a haircut.

I bought perfume (it’s really weak) and this bottle is almost empty.

This was hangover from NYE, the morning after old year. Aardappelschotel – holland potatoes with German ham. Fried eggs over them. Was good and filling, I didn’t eat too much.

A chick I work with hooked me up with a bunch of jerk spice marinades. She gets me. We marinated these legs for three days, we ate one batch but knew we would be hung after new year’s eve. Planning in advance is key to party.

I don’t know if I blogged this. Look how bossy I look. She’s trying to plug her ear from the firework explosions the men were setting off right outside. God that was an experience alright.

Left these here in the spring and I don’t think I even wore them once. Canada infiltrating yeah!

Dressing the part for the sojourn to Germany.

The tree is gone now.

If I ever sell bibles I will keep this outfit in mind.

Trying to remember if you have blogged an instagram photo before or not is tough. I try to be thorough, it is annoying. I am just trying to be a better blogger. Isn’t that cute and virtuous? If anything, this creation is a gift to myself to preserve all of the awesome I ever did and loved.

We have talked about this one before. I was surprised how small it was. Van Gogh is the one who cut off his ear. What a weirdo. I draw the line well before self mutilation.

I’m going to go eat a handful of that meat right now and press publish because It’s time to stretch these legs and straighten this hunch. Have a great I can’t believe that it’s Friday. RLW.

My cousin Raymi

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So, I finally went to Amsterdam. Second time meow.

There is no way to get a photo with this iconic thing alone. We made it werk though.

Nice red hair, I’ll do that next thanks.

I can see sis walking away between the m and s. We went with dutch mum and her sister met up with us too, then later mom dutch ditched us. Lol.

I took many pictures, naturally. I only uploaded a smaller-ish amount because I still have loads of other things previously uploaded and I don’t intend to move forward until I go back, as annoying and as over it as I am. The blog must go on. Fourteen years strong. Yeezus.

Had a groovy time at Rijksmuseum. Posing in front of many historical, ancient, big deal paintings before many tourists with varying degrees of reaction to their encounter with World Class Canadian ambassador to The Netherlands Super star RTM esquire.

Yes I read up on the things I exploited. Happy there was English to be read at all.

Hugh Lumberjackman ponders chopping down that tree…

Yo relax.

I get you.

Concentration camp jacket. I’ll show you the photo of the girl it belonged to next Raymsterdam post.

Sister “the artist” (of all things) blew me away with how bored she became quickly. I was digging it but I did enjoy how ADD like me she was and we breezed right on through that place. It was like the ROM but, Euro.

Hallo.

We met up with a friend of hers who gave us a cool insider tour of the “real” artisty shit. The insider peek. And I’ll be sure to show you when I have some GODDAMN TIME!

Like this adorabs place.

Orange is their colour.

Should have bought. Am 30 years old. Should have bought.

Not suppose to take pics in here. Try and stop me. I was like you should not have brought me in here. I was coasting on shopohol from the previous day. I bought pearl earrings, a sweater, gloves, some souvenirs for peeps, and fudge for bf. I still have more damage to do before leaving in a week. The countdown is on. I should have bought a troll.

Hashtag brutal.

Classic. I bought wine/booze box replicas of these houses. They lay flat so I can travel with them. Lighter than all the porcelain I plan to purchase. I’m just going to put a TAKE ONE box in the lunch space at work.

See those red lights… Sister’s friend made us go haha. I was so paranoid and shy I guess but you MUST GO if you go to Amsterdam. If you take pictures which I recommend not doing, their pimps will beat you. All the girls are plastic so it’s just like basically walking through a strip club, replete with dudes in jogging pants.

And behind me is a café. Yes, that kind of café. Also a must. Those are my house boxes on the table.

And my new best friend called mustard hat. I got tired of seeing pictures of myself in my roots knit beret beanie.

I know I will lose weight when I get home, don’t care. Yolo. Enjoy your life.

I don’t know why this got all distorted, thanks instagram. I realized there was free wifi halfway through combing the museum and the ONE thing I uploaded (to facebook) roaming on my own data skyrocketed my data usage to 1.52MB ughhh. BTW that’s a selfie of Van Gogh.

Bicycle heaven. If I lived here I would have a crazy decked out bike. Well, I do kind of live here and I do have a bike but it’s just practical. And awesome. I wish I could fly home with it but you have to have a bike here and shipping one would be economically insane.

I spent 72 Euros on shirts and got 12 of them. Thanks H&M discounts. My boots were 89 euros, ha, “boots”. I wanted black ankle motorcycleish ones but everything I liked they didn’t have in my size. These are winterized in the soles and I can actually walk nicely in them, so lets do this!

Ready for the lamest fashion show evs?

This will be a work shirt.

My damage. Cheapskate forevs. The Euro symbol is pretty crazy, I always confuse it for the pound which is very similar.

Ha ha Canadian tuxedo time. This shirt will so be going to Hailey.

Sis bought this dress too.

I wasn’t sure if I could make this work but why not?

Of course the one pair of shoes I like are this number in price, which is MORE considering the exchange. Every time I take out money and check my account I see how much it is getting raped. But I haven’t done any shopping yet so, I deal.

Les original.

Nice sky.

Not many change rooms to go around.

This feels like last week it was just two days ago.

Yay! And that’s all I have to say about that. Bye!

are you writing the book or is the book writing you

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Hi what’s up. Hi, hi, yeah yeah. So I took a lot of photos the day before we left leading up to the day we arrived then we got busy living life here and these ones got left behind, but now I’m going to take a special T-O and get’er done with it.

Here’s an irrelevant cotton candy sky though first. That night was good I imagine, think recollect. Didn’t summer whip by for you too?

A gift we left behind, too much weight. My exercise ball too thanks dutch mum! Can’t wait to bounce on that thing and sit for immeasurable hours on end while I tone. Keep that posture postured, work out the kinks in my affinity for hunch.

Discovered that peach polish the night before should have bought it. I’ll find it again.

Baha with the scarf I look like that mexican mouse cartoon loser in a scene where he flies a plane and then all the foibles and hi-jinxes occur, right?

He makes me take landmarks of everything pictures and in his accent says, “take thees baby it is of very recognizable thing.” ha aw.

I’m like ten pounds lighter since this holy shit traveling nana potato.

Smoke hot box.

We had about an hour+ to kill.

I want to stay in a Yotel.

Dutch people have problems with the letter Y, they pronounce it Jotel. Jogurt. Ha. So it’s funny that this is called Yotel at the Amsterdam airport where NO ONE will say it right.

Uhh?

Kay easy easy now. Oh look more amsterdam actually visiting the city pictures shit is just scattered and sprinkled everywhere, sighrry.

Alright alright nice.

No wait, done.

Chocolate to what?

Don’t tell me what to do.

These I smoked when I was in England.

Worst cookie ever. It’s like black forest cake, you can’t just put two things together and call it a day. It’s so bland, artificial.

Ugh.

WTF IS THIS NOW!!!?? Moreos! BARF.

Much better. It’s like people who like licorice. You guys are fucked.

Tulip nation. During the war, people ate tulip bulbs when they were starving and had no money for food. Count your blessings.

I <3 NY plus I <3 Aruba etc was copied from the I am Amsterdam slogan. #Fact.

This kid wanted us to do an airport/travel satisfaction of some sort survey I said sure but you gotta haul ass with us around the corner to another smoking room while we hook you up with answers.

He was like Charlie Bucket in the modern future.

See the woman pouring milk, woah relax.

This room was less disgusting on account of the window light but it was still hot and smokey stuffy.

Spicy Maxima and the king. Is she Queen now then? Cos his mother was Queen and it’s not like she passed Maxima her crown, so I dunno. I got this tin of cookies for my Nana.

How could someone leave these behind?

Intense.

Hello anybody in there.

It’s our plane. An Air France KLM one, I see (make up your mind?).

Our tv’s did not work for the entire flight of 7 hours – boarding early time sitting in there from start to fin and those are pretty expensive plane tickets so it was pretty shitty, just saying.

Leg room consolation prize. The guy beside us cashed out immediately for the entire flight. We sat on that chair across from our seats here on that fold-out flight attendant seat whom of which was an adorable little sprite. One flight attendant was super rude to my bf every time he got up to walk around and stretch his legs, it was strange like an I hate you cos you’re straight kind of bossy way. Bf was like I have to avoid him because I will lose my temper next time. It was so passive aggressive and we did not appreciate it at all and he wouldn’t have been roving around had our bloody tv screens worked KLM. All I wanted to do was zone out and snooze to Cinderella and other guilt plej movies/shows.

We kept busy, drinking and sharing his laptop and watching life of pi til the battery died/meal time. We interacted which turned to bickering off and on, thanks KLM. We totally needed naps. Had a late night and spent the day in a frenzy getting all last minute shit done and shutting down the house, packing, train travel it was a definite mish.

We had great weather our first morning, all day in Canada. It was a happy fun time. Okay I got things to do now thanks for that!

Me this morning hello goodbye.

The world is too exciting to calm down

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Watch all of this one for a sweet driving whip tour through Amsterdam, it gets good/better.

Canoeing in this part of the lake in Quebec was like the scene in the Notebook where they stumble upon the special enchanted lake full of white birds just floating in the tree marsh, except this time it’s purple flowers and lily pads and we drove through a ton of them lol.

Which one you want?

Amsterdammit

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Before I move on with more of my perpetual garbage I have to blog some pics I’ve already uploaded or the neurotic gods will will furrow their uni-brows at me for days until I do. It seems stupid cos I’ve still a batch more of pictures to go through and upload from Amsterdam and this is just a little handful however I’ve also got a bit of Germany pictures to finish off too so combined, we have ourselves something of a post.

That dude is chilling with a beer see? That’s so Raymi. It’s also the doppleganger of a guy from Oakvegas I used to know if I told a couple of bar flys they would laugh their lush asses off so hard at that one.

Sneak attack pictures typically turn out blurry on account of the sneaking and shaking from the treasure you have spotted.

Corner pocket hang out of a hotel.

It says porto fino over there, Italian restaurant. Thanks to Dirty rotten scoundrels that’s one of my favourite things to say and places I want to go. Add that tidbit to your Raymi 101 notage.

Dreamy.

Oh you again. Window peeking in Amsterdam is easy cos it’s all eye level, it’s a tall nation so I guess it makes sense. I love watching people most over-said thing by everyone ever BUT what I really love is watching people be normal in their homes, high intrigue factor there. I watched a guy at his computer guying out all normal and shit IT BLEW MY MIND. Then we watched two ladies on their laptop with a bottle of wine watching something on youtube. Then there’s all the basement apartment dwellers, one guy’s stoner cave was epic and he was watching Charlies Angels 2 on big screen with piled garbage on either side of the tv. What’s with me? Is it an I feel like a specimen thing or watching people before they watch you watch out. Omg can you imagine if I saw someone eating Cheerios I’d be blown backwards through tiiiiiiime. End bit.

These ones have Instagram porn all over ‘em no filter omg shut up. I saw a lady whining about “#nofilter” and it was so something her demo would whine about it took a lot to restrain mouthing off about it on twitter. I lasted 2 days (at least) I think.

Reminds me of Lower East Side these downstairs doors. A great band name btw.

Whimsical dusted streets.

Yeah yeah just keep going with it.

It reeked of weed here. It Eurekeda. If jokes just magically appear to you all of the time does that mean you are a wizard of comedy? Yes I definitely have the crazy genes but I’m also crazy smart and crazy funny. I’m not apologizing for this I am owning this.

But guess why it reeked of weed because a college aged Italian tourist was feeding this bird cheese and talking to his buddy hanging out of a window up above in the hotel.

She only eats cheese he said. Sure guy you’re so baked right now I bet you eat shoe laces.

This was hilarious to us but now that I have seen every bird ever and always it’s kind of no big deal now but at the time it was like this bird is so out of place here, she’s the pet that they feed cheese to. Amsterdam is a wacky place.

I don’t know what that means but the speed limit is not fifty in this neighbourhood enclave it’s the age you turn when you get publicly mortified by it. Kinda like my mom forever fifty. Can pass for mid 40’s though for sure. Am I dead for that one? Don’t care I’ve been up since 6am when we got the call.

God can you at least make my dummy look like a unicorn or a hello kitty princess and not something I’d shit my pants to having a clown nightmare about in the middle of the night and not be able not get back to sleep thanks. Props on using the authentic clothes though that’s why it’s so creepy because it is too real. You can use my clothes though because it will be more hilarious but if you make it look old I will trash it. At a traditional Swiss Chalet family dinner we’d take turns drawing each other on the place mats and make one another look haggard, old, they’d always give me bee sting tits (assholes) and dad would have crazy bacon and eggs hair and mom’s hair would be HUGE with cats all around her and Shawn would draw himself all cool and smoking and I’d have troll dolls and other embarrassing teenagery girlish shit.

Fast forward through then we were done with Amsterdam, had Irish coffees and left. I’ll post the rest another time.

On to Germany now. This is about the time it started warming up over here.

Green yeah yeah blah blah gorgeous view.

This feels like a long time ago now.

Go again please, I guess I should actually frame something next time instead of hyper-focusing on getting the heart right.

BF loves my new hair colour. The darker my hair the more power I have. Is what I learned yesterday. It makes him like me more, more likes more power. Kinda like Facebook. Fwaha life imitating internet. God that is so totally a thing.

I guess I own prancercising pants.

I am cry laughing at this right now. And the music too AHAHHAHAHa.

I wanna fly over you Lost Boys style.

So German of you.

Duck Face and Nana Lips are pretty similar looks.

This was our 2 month mark.

Thirsty. Yesterday was sober day and the day before too. I’m kinda over drinking, okay that’s a lie but I don’t freak out if we don’t drink or get moody or die of boredom, so, that’s good.

The service here is awful, can’t fault ‘em cos who is going to stare out the window and check up on the patio every four seconds? Not very superior that though? We saw others arrive sit and wait forever based on the assumption service would come on account of our beverages however we walked our asses in and announced ourselves first cos we’re smart and knew we’d wait 20 minutes and be pissed off which is what another couple did. I wanted to tell them to go in and get served but we didn’t, if it was in Canada I would have but I didn’t want to yell in English on the patio. Besides, do I have to worry about everyone else all the time and be so fucking Canadian? They’re grown-ups right? Why am I racked with Canadian guilt about it still? I feel responsible because of our drinks meanwhile my bf is like screw them hahaha.

What flag is that it’s missing the black stripe if it’s supposed to be Germanic.

The little town we went to on Friday.

She always looks like she’s flipping you off bonus to the sign that makes me think of Blow me when I see it back there.

I like. Assumed bottle imprints sand-washed I think then illuminated in differing colours.

Hey what’re you doing over there now?

Swoon swoon hot air balloon.

They’ve seen you before but close up spotty. After watching the top ten greatest moments of Toddlers & Tiaras the other day I have day dreams of food colour bottle spray decorating horses. I’m pretty sure the consequence isn’t worth it but come on if you sprayed all your sheep and shetland ponies one day you’d creating such a spectacle here I bet it would make the news. Definitely. I would do that and then cool shit might happen. That’s going in the dream journal.

Then we fed a roadside duck.

Alright it’s TLC time.

Amsterdamage

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Rembrandt Square, Amsterdam. Lets go guys.

All your postcards are in here then I had to buy more because I forgot some of you. I swear I’m mailing them today. Snail mail is fail mail what get off me that’s why people don’t anymore.

Party going down on the other side of that bridge lots of security cop stand-ins.

Jamie Oliver’s Fifteen.

There’s the party. SIGH. It would have taken a lot of drugs to reach the stamina required for that circus I was already bagged from the road voyage, stopping off at towns along the way. Why would we spend our whole time at a festival when we didn’t go to the one going on back home? I super want to experience one before we go though.

I think my idea for a science fiction bikes come alive at night and wreak havoc on the city movie should be filmed here. Piles of shoddy cgi bikes roving the streets and being ghost ridden down stairs and off canal bridges. I am not letting this idea go.

Of course arty farty shots a blogger’s legacy I so photo right now.

Blurry cos we did two drives through the city before parking the car. It’s a bike city because it’s the highest cost of parking in all of Europe and the clock starts once you ditch that thing.

The outskirts action is the garish bright city lights tourist trap and all the cooler stuff is contained down side streets tucked behind within, kind of french quarter style. But multiples thereof.

Everything gets cheaper the further in you venture cos all the lazy dumb asses stay on the outsides.

I loved him. Stressed out hair guy then there’s ear spacers guy for a close second.

The original apple. JOKES.

Got ya.

Drag queen and a chick in super scary high heels for cobblestones.

At least it wasn’t raining.

Tourist outskirts.

Spadina Ave style.

Now without chicks in the way.

It moves.

Testing out my new legs.

Okay now where.

To the cool stuff. Making our way in.

I would.

This looks like a good start.

I encounter many spiral staircases over here. I like them.

Older buildings w/o elevators make for a skinnier nation.

Don’t ask me what this place is called I’m sure you can find it.

Dutch for you can’t sit with us.

People watching here was great, one by one each table was filled with new curiosities of various kind.

Studying this COFFEE ONLY date was, awkward. Bf said she knew we were watching but like you’re in our line of sight we tried not to stare too hard but I quickly figured out exactly what was going on. Her protecting-self body language coffee cup barrier was screaming out loud for all to hear, you guys are dressed up way too nice for coffee in a place like this on a Sunday, the following day being a holiday. Definitely a date. Coffee means I don’t like you and he was well finished his plus another reason they were not a couple was how much smiling was going on while making mundane chit chat, you so do not smile when you you’re talking about bullshit. Do I grin when I tell elaborate and brief accounts of the history of my life and do you smile back when you hear that? Only if you have to if we’re on a fucking date!

Then we got a bit buzzed and stopped being so self conscious about talking like we’re here too okay is that fucking ok with you? Plus in English there’s a chance no one can understand anyway and whispering is a catty tell-tale gossiping give-away, just bounce your crap off the room and stop trying to be so polite to the world all the time no matter how nice you are people are always going to be annoyed, take a little you time and calls it likes ya sees it why not.

Shark mouth.

Bartender guy was laserbeaming me fine if you’re not going to stop staring then you’re gettin’ captured that’s how these things (cameras) work buddy. He was nbd about it. I like that bar set-up.

Gotta go spread ourselves around. Downstairs and outside for some food. Food btw is one English word I get imitated by, apparently I say it like how Americans think Canadians say a-boot. But how he imitates me is no way how I actually say FOOD so now it’s just a running stupid gag. It’s funny how just saying a word stupidly can be funny. Small things, big minds. Oh and yesterday the sister asked why Americans hate Canadians. Then I explained that for ten minutes.

All the patios have heat lamps under the tents and blankets on offer. We got our table we wanted to switch to cos we were in a cold pocket stolen by German chicks (bitches) and then I compromised and took one of the abandoned blankets from it like fuck you take our table AND the blankets too? No way. Then they gave slit eye glances at us until we left and THEN they felt like assholes when I offered them the blanket and not someone else. Patio politics.

Someone always orders carpaccio.

Soy sauce in gelatin form how bizarre, novel and delicious think it was infused with wasabi too.

Nice place I have the matchbook of it I’ll check out on the web after/never.

Tulips of course.

Cheese country.

And naughty city.

Three hundred euro love doll.

The new fives.

Lube.

So when you screw up drawing a pin-up’s legs just turn her into a mermaid.

Hate to say it but to be continued… POST TITLE CREDIT GOES TO BLAYNE! Big lover of Amsterdam, has been many times and now I have a list of bars to go to for next visit. Solid.