so so into abba. gold was the soundtrack to my wicked seventeen year old straight givin’er times. this song especially brings back a lot of nostalgic bad girl memories.
it’s weird to be in contact with people from that period in my life. really fucking weird. people you had written off entirely, never to see or be heard from again. kinda funny actually and apparently i’m a skeleton in their closet too haha oh yuppies, too easy. no contest. yes, you are all running for mayor.
gays love me because they can easily see impersonating me in drag. we all require personal heroes, no?
my aunt came by for a visit and shared some pasta with me. it was sweet.
clem picked her up. literally.
everyone at work is super acrobatic. it’s one of the skills required to work there actually. teppei can jump onto the bar from a standing position. nucking futs! he has like, a twelve pack. clem asked what i would do if i had a boyfriend with abs like that. i’d lock him in a cage.
exact moment in time coworker and a ‘mo admit to my overall hotness, don’t fight it guys. also i left my vibrator ahem, massager, at work for the crabby people.
ahh man what a write off day now that friday is out of the way (the give it harder night) we can commence with friday’s second chance classically known as saturday.
note to self remind teppei how serious we are about starting the reverse plastic ono band, i’m john, he’ll be yoko.
thanks to last nite i had to push my meeting with secret (book) agent man to tomorrow. it’s ok he knows how much of a stoner (loser) HARD WORKING CONTRIBUTING MEMBER OF SOCIETY i am. isn’t it his job to be pushing me? yeah i think it is let me look over that contract again.
can i pull off this hat no i can’t. check my four hour’s sleep eyebag line, no wait don’t. not like you could miss it though here let me just HIGHLIGHT IT MORE.
vermicelli break. kinda bleh compared to my true spadina garden love.
waffle shirt one.
love handles i have conquered thee. it’s gonna be a gooood summer.
dear dad, thanks for the apathetic constitution. your teenage face lives on.
waffle two. kinda bland but a good bland, tight yet loose yet tight. alright.
i could wear it like a dress if i was feeling especially insano.
nebraska is for lovers. she threw this guy in for free so sweet as it was my favourite find. it says bob on the back. bob. from nebraska. hi bob, i feel like i know so much about you and yet you know nothing about me and that makes me sad.
close to going with a huge man cardi but then spied this soft little lamb.
i can feel your jealousy and it disgusts me.
hair air dries kinky like this.
now i’m just waiting to be invited to go back in time to an 80’s aspen fondue wife-swap.
charades anyone?
who messed up this dresser i can totally tell one necklace was moved.
ain’t she swell my pube line goes up to my ears and down to my knees. greek in a past life. the first time i ever did some upkeep down there i didn’t know how the shit to go about it so i used a razor and i guess went a little far with the project. ingrown bumps for days after that. cool i screwed up my life at puberty.
shrinkage was so underwhelmed by my life changes it was like i was telling him about folding socks.
evidently i am a mess a big old mess according to some nobody who reads my blog and i’m unaware of it. sorry i forgot to send out the i’m a mess right now bulletin. but mostly i’m sorry for your sad bastard life and wrongful conclusions about me and mine. i love my life right now. let me emphasize it, i am LOVIN’ LIFE RIGHT NOW. i have never been so happy. well im sure i have but for the moment this is the happiest i have been in a very fucking long time and i’m sorry (not sorry) it appears messy on the outside. choke on my happiness you penis.
analamos Says:
here is a diagnosis, free of charge; yer a mess. you do not notice that you are a mess because…well, because you are a mess. but it’s good you are down to only half a litre of booze a day from three full litres. congrats. gold medal in messery goes to…you.
raymi Says:
oh im a mess because im honest. right. YAWN!! im a mess because im a mess boy that was lazy of you. do you know what? everyone is a mess. no one has it figured out. i’m merely online sharing my tales of life in-flux. i have never been so happy before.
i’ve also not been so present and self-aware like this in ages. you think you’re such a slick fucker i’m not even going to bother making fun of where you live and generalizing the tired brand of skid you are cos at heart you know that i know that you know your life sucks which is why you psycho-analyze mine.
before this period i was doing everything right from a shallow viewpoint. man, ring, en route to marriage and inevitably kids. yet we were soooo unhappy. now we have none of those things and are happy. so fuck you and your stupid textbook philosophies, you are dead wrong. the messiest thing about me is my room and my sentences.
god why am i always defending myself to assholes all the time.
i have an appointment with my “the rapist” today. finally. it was supposed to be march 4 they called and left a v mail saying it’s canceled and i was set to lose it on them, i’ve been waiting to see my guy since the summer. haven’t seen him since before i left the city, and my ex. the shrink’s head is going to turn right the fuck around when i fill him in on all that’s been asunder. he’ll be most pissed i’m smoking weed again. i could tell he was getting tired (bored) of me at the end of our sessions cos each one would be further and further apart. this typically happens to me with shrinks. i tell them my shit, they listen, then we discuss how smart i am yet how stubborn to make any sort of change in my life regarding how much i drink (drank). i said all of our friends drink. he said that’s because you surround yourselves with drinkers so it seems normal. uh, oh, uh, err, right. ok well we go (went) to lots of events where they fall all over themselves plying you with booze and swag, something every nite of the week practically. buh. anyway, i filled up a triple script of chill pills back then and slowly went through them. i don’t rely on them so much anymore because i’m not drinking insane amounts from moving over to weed, the hangover anxieties have lessened and lessened but then the anxiety came back from burlington stress so i was still pretty dependent on them. there’s a point in here somewhere (i am stoked to be getting a script today, essentially). i still have anxiety but it isn’t as bad i feel, i’m removed from stressful people/influences now. i went to bed nauseous and woke up as such every single day practically in burlington. i just wasn’t happy anymore and woke up miserable every fucking day. it wasn’t easy in the end there. ok this is just therapy practice now i bet if i take a deep breath i can pack in a quick summary of the past five months of my life to my therapist then deflate like a balloon in the chair. i could forward him every single news article about the past five months too but then he’d know my blog but i kinda do in a way want him to see it cos i get the feeling he thinks i am infuckingsane when i vaguely make mention of this pseudo-fame thing to my person like just go see for yourself ok but then i won’t be able to write about it here so i’m not going to share it afterall. half the therapist’s i’ve had have been privy to my blog and it fucks me up so i’m not going to do that again. whether they actually read it or not it will still change how i write about certain experiences. this blog is a psychiatrist’s wet dream. or nightmare.
speaking of swag, awesome bag from the spoke club we love toronto party. another pair of calvin klein’s this time hot pink and givenchy perfume, gave one of each to kamila. i’m about to have an affair with myself and the frizz-ease john frieda shamp/condish that came with said bag right now. also this weird face buffer exfoliator that’s strong enough a vibrator to make a trip to come as you are totally unness! except for that gallon pump jug of liquid silk ew when did things get all lewd in here it’s too early for this kind of talk.
someone came here by searching for SEXY NINJA TURTLES. did you find any?
actually i’m not a lousy lay, i’m pretty good in the sack i just prefer to not put much effort into it sometimes. like i put so much effort into making the vessel dynamite. sick. slammin’. so maybe yeah, you pick up the slack now for me will ya?
so the red flag and i have been pissing the day away. the red flag is my current kill btw. i’ve been trying to exercise some restraint in the discussing what i’m bagging department, well, in the not discussing it department. discussing it on my blog that the universe reads department. now why is he a red flag? many reasons. well, for starters he’s an emotional island which seems to be my fuckin’ cup of tea. he’s also rife with baggage. it was going to end last week actually, i foresaw it ending in one giant mess but things changed, we had “the talk” so we both know where we stand for the most part.
knowing something can’t go anywhere is a bit of a relief but it’s also like maybe it can? you still know it can’t though. i see him as a challenge, i like challenges. i think i can conquer people. i ensnare them in my dramatic world and they enjoy their stay in raymiland if but for a short while.
so it’s exclusive banging for now but it’s not like i’m not looking for something better. he said that he won’t be able to give me what i need and thats fine i don’t need a boyfriend right now. he says for now i’m on the rollercoaster at raymiland and i like it. i’m gonna ride again.
i’ve made contact with an old consort from a good ten years ago at least. retardedly good looking, hasn’t aged at all. now this guy is a major deviant so who knows where it’ll go, how it’ll go. i do not intend to fuck him, so there’s that decision made for now. it’s still a jealousy trap which we all know i’m a huge believer in/fan of.
when i contacted red flag i told him my intentions were entirely indecent. i was thinking about how i was coming back to the city and maybe i should have some extracurricular activities lined up for myself. he took the bait and off we went. i remember feeling sad after/during the first encounter cos i figured that woulda been it. i’ll have to come back to this later kinda gotta split and i’m covering for someone tonite. later wieners!
Hello Raymi dearest. Do you remember when I use to call you an asshole all the time on viceland? Haw! The key to the internet is to talk at people and never respond to them. Never answer questions. Never acknowledge. Just at at at. The creepy lurker doesn’t exist. You’re not supposed to write a fucking post about him.
Billy Mystery
Good point. Honestly I was just passing time stoned jeez people think I’m slitting my wrists over it. Which vice fuck were you there’s billions.
Hint: I wasn’t Lloyd.
I’m not sure if I like you now, I just don’t feel like being mean anymore because I’m really mature.
You took the ball and ran with it. I want to see what happens. You don’t seem to have a plan.
I have no fucking clue who you are and no I don’t have a plan because I have a life.
Course not. There were billions. How can your write a goddam blog for a decade and then say you have no plan because you “have a life.”
Miscommunication. I’m too blasted right now for how deep this might get.
N-joy. xo
How are u even following my bullshit still
What do you mean? Like how would I be bothered to?
I dunno. I just place vice history in a diff compartment of my brain entirely. I’m loads more sensitive since then.
Who could forget, the entire letters section was reserved for driving a train up your ass. Anyway, it’s well past bedtime in my land. goodnite (I’m loads more sensitive too).
this is the last picture taken on my camera before i packed’er in for the nite. met up with allison and talked her head off. she was very interested in single raymisms.
later on we bumped into gill oh what a treat that was.
painted lady throws a mardi gras every tuesday so fun.
back to business.
ok lesson learned sorry for sounding like a giant pussy yesterday it’s nice to know you prefer tough mouth screaming at you blog personae so lets roll with that from now on right after i address some emails. (pussy out a little more first). honestly i wasn’t at home so i couldn’t work with photos for content so i was mostly just passing time being a whiner. i have an immediate reaction to things, express them, then move on. thanks for your patience.
but in the meantime, here is a poll because someone requested it and i am a nice guy and live to please. i am also a big fan of bullshit distraction.
i can’t make up my mind with this one. i think i really liked my thumb back when i sucked it all the time but then i moved on to middle, then ring, then pointer and my pinkies always hold a special place in my heart cos they’re so mangled what to do what to do. i’ll wait to vote once other people start casting theirs.
yesterday we did the national post photos and i wore the most unseasonable dress ever and swam in it. it’s the dress i bought around xmas when i should have been buying presents for people who aren’t me. i’ve lost weight since then so it’s like a giant snuggie diaper on me. i bet it’ll shrink up. i was in the shower and thought to myself from now on i am going to live (and dress) like summer is never coming, why save a dress? like oprah said, burn those fancy candles now what are you waiting for the fucking pope to come over? cos he’s never coming over. sorry. it would be nice if she said that verbatim. but you know what i mean. don’t wait just act and act now. i am not a fan of waiting. i’ve always been a blurter and to my detriment that’s where i am most selfish of all, i have to say it no matter what the consequences. i release it unto the world and that’s how i am able to carry on and heal from it otherwise i walk around pent up like the rest of yous. that shit will give you cancer guy, so just say it. tell her you love her tell him you hate him tell them they hurt you and you’re not taking it anymore, what’s the hold up?
gill and i compared big mouth notes last nite. i told her friend that i am probably the only other person who is just as obnoxious as gill and gill was like yeah that is actually true. she stopped an entire dinner service at the drake to toast everybody. i was like what were you celebrating? winterlicious. fuck i love gill. then she toasted everybody on the patio too.
Hey Raymi,
I used to read your blog all the time but I was distracted by other things for a while and missed all these big changes in your life. I don’t want to bring up things you probably don’t want to hear about from strangers, but kinda wanted to send you a hug. When I was feeling really bummed out a while back, we had a chat on gchat and you gave me some suggestions on how to cheer myself up and they really worked. I think it’s sad about you and fil, but I’m impressed with how you’re handling it, you are really strong and mature.
I guess I figured it’d be a good time for you to hear from other people how amazing you are. I don’t know you in person, but obviously because of reading the blog I feel like I’ve been following your life a bit. What’s kept me coming back is that you are incredibly talented. Really artistic, and really intelligent, but you’re also able to channel that into a format that people can understand and appreciate even if they are not particularly intelligent or artistic. It’s entertaining and interesting, and sometimes thought-provoking. The other thing I like about you is that you are a renegade. You push the boundaries and you are yourself unapologetically. I feel like I can relate to that a bit, although I am probably outwardsly at least a very different person. Probably like many other people I wish I was more like you in some ways, less given to doing what I think is expected of me. But that’s beside the point.
When I was bummed out you suggested dancing around to music, trying on new/different outfits and some other stuff I can’t quite remember. It was all very immediate, and it worked. It was good advice. I wanted to write to you and give you something back, it’s hard because you seem so self-aware but maybe based on my observations of your observations of yourself I could come up with something. So I thought I’d point out that I think you have a lot of talent, and it would be cool if you could hone it even more. Maybe you could take an art class of some kind, photography or film-making or something. Maybe that’s too conventional for you, but I was thinking you could learn new techniques and skills that you could put into practice to make something really impressive. You have musical talent too, maybe you could join a band as the singer, take singing lessons to increase your range and practice. Or start your own band for which you could write the songs and sing and have like a bassist and a drummer on board, and maybe someone with a tambourine or cymbals or something who could do back up vocals. I feel like you know you’re talented and you want to share it, but you also get scared of really ‘givin ‘er’, so you’ll sing a little and dance a little, but you’ll cover your face with your hair, or wear shades, or do something else in the middle to show you’re not taking it seriously and you’re just goofing around. Everyone gets scared and fear holds us back, but someone once said bravery is not having no fear, but being afraid and doing it anyway. I think maybe you need to push yourself more, invest in yourself, do stuff that’s hard for you instead of just what is easy for you because you are so good at it already. So that’s my advice anyway. I’ve come to really like you over the years, and I hope one day we get to meet. Maybe when you’re on tour in the UK I’ll come get your autograph
Ok, that’s all. Sorry if that came off heavy or patronizing in any way, it’s not meant to be, and I do think what you’re doing already is amazing, and mainly I just wanted to tell you that, but I know like all artists you probably want to do something even better or just different and new, and so the second part of this is just my encouragement on that score.
Hugs,
Kat
we will address more blond in my next post ok? can you tell my eyebrows are lighter? not a huge difference, pretty subtle. until the roots grow out at least.
focusing on myself and talking about myself, thinking about myself, BEING myself is exhausting a lot of the time. i also feel like the most self-absorbed person in the world right now. for the last entire life of mine for the most part i’ve been making decisions based on two people. should we do this, can we do that, how about the other thing, where should we go what will we eat, how much will it cost, am i pretty enough, is he into me on and on for years and even then i felt pretty self-absorbed but now that i get to plan for me and me alone i feel hyperly-selfish. trying to get used to it. i think my writing and showmanship has all changed for the better since, not to dog anyone but i was always checking in before hitting publish always editing and over-thinking and making sure i didn’t go too far. i feel free now and i feel high from that a lot. i think they call it independence. i do think that life is better (best) experienced shared with others but yeah, it’s also nice to be alone too. if you don’t like my choices you can fuck off out of here then. brilliant!
see how diapery. saving the “better” pictures for next post.
i definitely have fears (and crazy moments of shyness) about art and moving forward and i love my safety bubble for sure but it’s nice to feel like you’re falling sometimes. i like not knowing what’s next. i worry about ok if my roommates want to move away what the fuck will i do about it? people back themselves into worry corners so that they don’t have to do anything or change, they think that this is it and this life is laid out before them before they’ve even lived it and there’s no way to change it so may as well accept it now and carry on. as if. so as much as i’m all look at me go look at me evolve, i’m still a pretty big hypocrite most of the time, but i’m trying to fix that. at one point i think i accepted the possibility that this is as big as i’m ever going to be so give it a rest maybe. i fight with that daily actually. like i’m supposed to be seeking out venture capitalists and telling them about this NEXT BIG THING and I’M IT lets turn your $3 million into $6million! ha. that’s just not how it works anymore (maybe i should go on dragon’s den?). unless i brand this more, make a magazine, get a movie, a show, i dunno. you can only blog for so long really. i mean i know how compulsive i am so i will likely do it forever but i so totally have to stop. i’m giving myself another year to “make it” and if it doesn’t happen then i’m getting married and pregnant (not) i just went against everything i said up there. clem says if i’m working at the central in a year then i have failed. he’s right. he wants us to stay but he wants us to have dreams too.
well wasn’t this a total mess of a post jeez.
i keep smelling weed and i can’t tell if it’s the subletters downstairs or my own. it woke me up out of sleep actually. i think they’re french or something. the chick downstairs who lives there is off in montreal for a bit…WORKING ON FUBAR 2! i would die to hang with deaner and i think it might happen. cool to travel to montreal just to hang with the fubar guys or should i make up some other reason first like um, blog business haha.
meredith was enchanted by melodie’s vitamin 101ing me in the kitchen and said we should recreate it so this farty barely-audible awkward clip is awkward for reasons. i was having anxiety this day, lack of sleep, can’t remember what was bugging me, and i didn’t have much time to fuck around before work so here i am putting back 8 pills at once with a grolsch. i make a stupid http joke ughhh i wish i could control the stupid things that come out of my mouth.
i’d just like to jay and silent bob a motherfucker sometime, from the bottom of my cold black heart, i mean that. i’d like to know who the giant loser is who one-stars all my videos before i even blog them. cool life guy. nah it’s probably an ugly girl but it’s not like my videos are cannes-worthy or anything here, get real. i’m trying to wrap my head around what it’s like being a net lurking hater. do you know what it feels like having to deal with little penises at your heels every fucking day? i’m good for weeks and weeks but once i hit pre-menstrualtown you all start looking like violent strangle fantasies of mine. not you all the OTHER you all.
oh here’s a way to describe it. every time i sit down here i know i’m writing to two sets of people split right down the middle. one half really digs me, the other half does not. so i’m like trying to play into that every post i post, which is why i cop this snarky defensive back is up tone quite often. i have to stop that. it isn’t healthy. this is what the internet does to you. i’m not complaining i know i KNOW it comes with the territory but i’ve said this before, just because you can do something, access people, harrass the shit out of them, doesn’t mean you should. you shouldn’t stop being a human, being normal, because an invisibility cloak is doled-out with every fucking modem.
the worst part is, the little skeeve who leaves the shit comment, one-stars my shit, whatever, is getting a huge thrill off all this negative attention too, like right now they’re psychotically cracking their knuckles staring into the monitor, grinning like the grinch, masturbating with onion skins. sickitating. so you can’t win if you make fun of them and you cant win if you let it go because they still “got to you” in some way. however, they’re nothing special, at all. which is why they do what they do. they’re nameless faceless spineless little wieners who just want some recognition and nothing they do is original. sorry guy there’s more where you came from. my favourite brand of hater is the one who puts some effort into it, knows why i suck and the reasons why i do not suck, and is not just jumping on the bandwagon for company. this type is, while borderline insane, rather intelligent, self-aware, misguided, deluded, and hurting for some reason. i become their punching bag as i am a force and they feel obliged to reckon with me all the way.
one more thing about my videos, some people don’t “get” them and have expressed this to me in the past. why did i film myself putting on makeup for 5 minutes, it doesn’t go anywhere. it doesn’t matter what the video is of, the point of it is that it exists period. we’re all islands out here, some people live in total isolation and therefore appreciate a little vapid vignette now and again. someone, somewhere, will watch it and like it. i’m doing a fucking service here.
alright i’m exhausted by this now, did i tell you guys i tinted my eyebrows? 26 going on a 46 year old orange county cougar xoxo.
canada (ontario specifically) rules and today is one example thereof. we don’t have enough lazy days between christmas and march break so lets invent a bullshit holiday and call it family day yeah yeah we’ll say we’re going to spend time with our families but really we’ll just lay around hungover wishing we made it to the beer store in time before it closed on sunday. but to people like me who work never it’s kind of a meh, unnecessary holiday. i mean, i always appreciate more people being available to dick the dog with but really, family day is a bit rich. years from now no one will even question what it is, they’ll forget how new the holiday is and it’ll be like how valentine’s day was invented. i can’t wait til hallmark creates HAPPY FAMILY DAY cards. do it already. here’s your rhymey message:
ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS ARE BLUE
TODAY IS FAMILY DAY
CAN I SPEND IT WITH YOU?
weak!
on this cherished day
family day
we come together to celebrate how obnoxious it is for this holiday to exist at all
it would be cool if the lcbo were open
please don’t talk to me for the rest of the night you make me sick
what kind of picture would you pair with that? a television with rabbit ears, a stressed out mom and a fat dad sitting in a recliner and two bored teenagers playing nintendo DS’s.
poor john is spending time with his family today oh isn’t that nice. no really it is i don’t know why i’m doing dick voice right now i’m actually quite content, i have the house to myself for two days ahhh.
it’s kinda fucked up that i have a picture i took of the WTC burning framed right? i asked fil about it once, i had that on my side table for years. he said it wasn’t fucked up. too much time has passed for me to take it out now.
second hand wii fit has parental controls on it so we can’t change the country to USA (imperial) so i have to convert kilos every time, kinda takes the fun out of it yet adds some too, mostly mystery. ooh i’m underweight which magic number will it be today? this raymii is way too exotic and tanned i can’t remember the eyes i used for the other miis i’ve made before. i also captured her blinking.
v day dinner was exquisite. then we had some niacin and the nite was ruined for a little while there. man up guy! the niacin flush was a little much truth be told, i’m still cringing about it.
melodie’s ring.
learning, getting there. melodie is a nutrionist. we’re going to design a plan for me to get rid of the dark circles beneath my eyes. i am sick of wearing tons of makeup to mask my allergy shiners.
aw thanks happy venereal disease day from your third wheel.
oh fuck you guys (lucas) i haven’t used one dish here yet or cooked one meal.
we were looking for black panther poses to copy off google and it got funny i guess.
how do i make it so when i check emails on my laptop they get deleted/checked on my BB as well? tired of having to re-read everything on that thing. i am sick of the flashing red light in my peripheral vision most of all.
keyword blog (search) analysis of the moment:
raymi
raymi the minx
raymitheminx
and raymi! raymitheminx.com
raymi the min
raymi lauren
everythings fucken closed on family day
vagina cookie
i know you better than you know
raymi my grandma
notorious blog
