meredith was enchanted by melodie’s vitamin 101ing me in the kitchen and said we should recreate it so this farty barely-audible awkward clip is awkward for reasons. i was having anxiety this day, lack of sleep, can’t remember what was bugging me, and i didn’t have much time to fuck around before work so here i am putting back 8 pills at once with a grolsch. i make a stupid http joke ughhh i wish i could control the stupid things that come out of my mouth.

i’d just like to jay and silent bob a motherfucker sometime, from the bottom of my cold black heart, i mean that. i’d like to know who the giant loser is who one-stars all my videos before i even blog them. cool life guy. nah it’s probably an ugly girl but it’s not like my videos are cannes-worthy or anything here, get real. i’m trying to wrap my head around what it’s like being a net lurking hater. do you know what it feels like having to deal with little penises at your heels every fucking day? i’m good for weeks and weeks but once i hit pre-menstrualtown you all start looking like violent strangle fantasies of mine. not you all the OTHER you all.

oh here’s a way to describe it. every time i sit down here i know i’m writing to two sets of people split right down the middle. one half really digs me, the other half does not. so i’m like trying to play into that every post i post, which is why i cop this snarky defensive back is up tone quite often. i have to stop that. it isn’t healthy. this is what the internet does to you. i’m not complaining i know i KNOW it comes with the territory but i’ve said this before, just because you can do something, access people, harrass the shit out of them, doesn’t mean you should. you shouldn’t stop being a human, being normal, because an invisibility cloak is doled-out with every fucking modem.

the worst part is, the little skeeve who leaves the shit comment, one-stars my shit, whatever, is getting a huge thrill off all this negative attention too, like right now they’re psychotically cracking their knuckles staring into the monitor, grinning like the grinch, masturbating with onion skins. sickitating. so you can’t win if you make fun of them and you cant win if you let it go because they still “got to you” in some way. however, they’re nothing special, at all. which is why they do what they do. they’re nameless faceless spineless little wieners who just want some recognition and nothing they do is original. sorry guy there’s more where you came from. my favourite brand of hater is the one who puts some effort into it, knows why i suck and the reasons why i do not suck, and is not just jumping on the bandwagon for company. this type is, while borderline insane, rather intelligent, self-aware, misguided, deluded, and hurting for some reason. i become their punching bag as i am a force and they feel obliged to reckon with me all the way.

one more thing about my videos, some people don’t “get” them and have expressed this to me in the past. why did i film myself putting on makeup for 5 minutes, it doesn’t go anywhere. it doesn’t matter what the video is of, the point of it is that it exists period. we’re all islands out here, some people live in total isolation and therefore appreciate a little vapid vignette now and again. someone, somewhere, will watch it and like it. i’m doing a fucking service here.

alright i’m exhausted by this now, did i tell you guys i tinted my eyebrows? 26 going on a 46 year old orange county cougar xoxo.

canada (ontario specifically) rules and today is one example thereof. we don’t have enough lazy days between christmas and march break so lets invent a bullshit holiday and call it family day yeah yeah we’ll say we’re going to spend time with our families but really we’ll just lay around hungover wishing we made it to the beer store in time before it closed on sunday. but to people like me who work never it’s kind of a meh, unnecessary holiday. i mean, i always appreciate more people being available to dick the dog with but really, family day is a bit rich. years from now no one will even question what it is, they’ll forget how new the holiday is and it’ll be like how valentine’s day was invented. i can’t wait til hallmark creates HAPPY FAMILY DAY cards. do it already. here’s your rhymey message:

ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS ARE BLUE
TODAY IS FAMILY DAY
CAN I SPEND IT WITH YOU?

weak!

on this cherished day
family day
we come together to celebrate how obnoxious it is for this holiday to exist at all
it would be cool if the lcbo were open
please don’t talk to me for the rest of the night you make me sick

what kind of picture would you pair with that? a television with rabbit ears, a stressed out mom and a fat dad sitting in a recliner and two bored teenagers playing nintendo DS’s.

poor john is spending time with his family today oh isn’t that nice. no really it is i don’t know why i’m doing dick voice right now i’m actually quite content, i have the house to myself for two days ahhh.

it’s kinda fucked up that i have a picture i took of the WTC burning framed right? i asked fil about it once, i had that on my side table for years. he said it wasn’t fucked up. too much time has passed for me to take it out now.

second hand wii fit has parental controls on it so we can’t change the country to USA (imperial) so i have to convert kilos every time, kinda takes the fun out of it yet adds some too, mostly mystery. ooh i’m underweight which magic number will it be today? this raymii is way too exotic and tanned i can’t remember the eyes i used for the other miis i’ve made before. i also captured her blinking.

v day dinner was exquisite. then we had some niacin and the nite was ruined for a little while there. man up guy! the niacin flush was a little much truth be told, i’m still cringing about it.

melodie’s ring.

learning, getting there. melodie is a nutrionist. we’re going to design a plan for me to get rid of the dark circles beneath my eyes. i am sick of wearing tons of makeup to mask my allergy shiners.

aw thanks happy venereal disease day from your third wheel.

oh fuck you guys (lucas) i haven’t used one dish here yet or cooked one meal.

we were looking for black panther poses to copy off google and it got funny i guess.

how do i make it so when i check emails on my laptop they get deleted/checked on my BB as well? tired of having to re-read everything on that thing. i am sick of the flashing red light in my peripheral vision most of all.

keyword blog (search) analysis of the moment:

raymi
raymi the minx
raymitheminx
and raymi! raymitheminx.com
raymi the min
raymi lauren
everythings fucken closed on family day
vagina cookie
i know you better than you know
raymi my grandma
notorious blog

so blonde it’s offensive. disgusting. i feel sorry for everyone who has to look at it. you have to prepare yourself for the attention holy fuck porno hair. ridiculous. have overheard several men’s comments about it, i know, so bizarre. i don’t feel like a blond person but am slightly enjoying the shift in reactions it feels obnoxious to go on about it. everyone assumes i am obnoxious so i may as well go ahead and fill the part no? this blog is the only place i can exercise it most freely so fuck it and in real life i am a meek nervous mouse with manners a plenty. whatever i’m the subject here and now i have retarded hair. too bad my personality ruins everything and those are the people i feel sorry for most of all in this equation as they see a flash of yellow and i assume make assumptions in their head, then open goes my mouth and ugh why does that girl sound like a dump truck going through a nitroglycerin plant? blonds don’t sound like that. blonds are supposed to be sunny californian dough heads. pretty much. so in summation, you’re welcome for fuckin’ with your (head) game you docile little lambs. the next phase is to go more natural golden and we no longer have to lift any colour aside from the brassy that’s left over, can’t go at it all at once otherwise my hair will fry. can you believe that i was fully black just last july?

HOMELESS CHIC. melodie says i’m not trendy (like a hipster) but i have my own thing going on. how would you classify my style? is it its own thing or is it easily comparable? i think for the most part it’s 10% trying and 90% whatever i see first and BAM so embarrassed you invited me along girl. i’m often wearing at least 15 different colours at once. otherwise it’s everything matches too much. or accidental mess fusion somehow comes together? basically i have no idea what to wear right now and i fear i’m bordering putting something absolutely fab or absolutely fug together. red tights should be a no today, yeah?

i started out this post intending to evasively send a message to some valentines i didn’t want knowing were my valentines, were my, anythings, but then i started talking about myself again LOOK OUT!

I don’t know what you’re looking for
you haven’t found it baby, that’s for sure
You rip me up you spread me all around
in the dust of the deed of time

And I’m losing my favourite game
you’re losing your mind again
I’m losing my favourite game
I’ve tried but you’re still the same
I’m losing my baby
you’re losing a saviour and a saint

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCmj6QopAVw&feature=related

the bag before soared elegantly through the nite right into the bin but then i over-thought this one. cool effort. next time i’ll throw myself in after.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmNIqV8zCGM

ryan bigge mentioned me in the star today. (we sort of used to hang out years ago, same crowd of people, what happened to everybody?) coincidentally, clem said i was the most famous poor person, recently. fuck that! basically, i give away way too much free content and i’m tired of hearing about it. i’m going to have to start doing something about that. CASH IS KING. i need a regular column so i can bring you guys over there once a week to read something a little more legible and then that publication can benefit from my serious traffic. deal? nice doing business with future you.

i’m a giant pig. oh, mistletoe. i’m masking an anxiety attack in this photo.

what? why do cats stare at you like you’re the idiot? THEY’RE THE ONES PERCHED ON A FUCKING GARAGE.

loving the passive aggressive tag fights all over reverb. oh look a harajuku girl.

brennen demelo always has the best magazines to cruise through.

rose is my hair girl. i will never cheat on you again. well maybe only with myself.

bar fly. more like BARF LY. kidding kidding. bet you little wieners would love to hear all about this shit eh? muahaha. OMG CALL NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC.

so so greasy last nite was such an all over steam room experience. thankfully i always bring multiple shirts to change into.

have to go as long as possible without washing it.

these kids made it for last call. i thought french club was fridays?

omg know parking shut up pretentious gay loser. (actually it’s funny i like it).

alright gorgeous town here i come. i’ve been listening to blur baked for so long my right foot is numb (honest injun position). lucas made us v day breakfast. a year ago today i was engaged. we’re better people for it now though i can’t help but feel like a total piece of shit most of the time.

oh yeah totally forgot the reason for the blur mention. i was a super fan from grade 7 til i lost my viginity (15) so if you can tell me what my blur-related nickname was i will mail you a surprise box of junk. first correct answer wins!

after/before hair. i sat in a salon chair for houuuurs today.

many great faces came in to visit old raymbo tonite it was super enjoyable. kamilla got two phone numbers. i got one last nite (hey dude). teppei and i discussed how we have adrenaline pumping when we get off work and go home. my mind goes a million miles a minute it takes at least an hour to slightly come down. i feel like how axel rose feels. wait was that axel rose? but anyway lets pretend that’s who i’m thinking of. so i feel like axel rose after a g’n’r concert except um yeah i can’t finish this joke but know this, lucas and melodie are hangin’ in my room right now havin’ brews and lucas at the exact same time said axel rose as i typed it i can’t be bothered to ask what the fuck he was talking about i don’t want to have to type AXEL ROSE one more time. uggggggggh. now mel wants to go as slash/axel for halloween. why not? i already look like brett michaels anyway. not so much of a stretch after that.

my laptop power cord got yanked out, laptop died, they made fun of me, i thought ok if this shit is deleted it’s a sign. it wasn’t. so here you go goodnite.

Photos by britt

it’s funny when i do headcase posts all the headcases come out to hang, it’s rewarding. that’s a sure way to pull in some traffic. BLOG YOUR FEEEELINGS. there’s many things i want to address in the comments but haven’t had the time. it’s frustrating reading comments thru my blackberry and not being able to react other than to just publish and file away for later but i guess you guys can help me out in that department and talk amongst yourselves.

have a hair appt later today thank fuck there’s just no way around looking greasy when you have metre-long roots. i worked the upstairs bar last nite, kinda quiet up there. good for french practising as friday is french club nite. i stomped on one of these guy’s feet once accidentally, he flirtily pretended it hurt so i played along and proclaimed en-croy-a-bluh! in my least shittiest faux francophone accent and i think i pulled it off as an awed hush tidal wave of silence overcame the frenchies and it was like the sun of a million boners setting for miles and miles amongst them. oh la la elle parle français?

oh yeah the top left pic of me on the shag rug is kind of a hat tip to a photo jamie took of me years ago when i was 19 i’ll go scare it up. i start a lot of conversations with when i was 19. i packed a lot of bullshit into that formative year. i did. here‘s the photo, dunno why i can’t right click it, cool settings jamie.

ok fucktits lets do this shit.

let 2010 be the year of poor choices. or, just choices period. i have to learn how to get out of my head a little better and fall down a bit. i’ve been trying hard (kinda bullshit) for too long so now i’m just going to lighten up.

lately we’ve been discussing how much we hate ourselves for pissing away our talents. being lazy. pissing away talent is such a fucking luxury and it’s awful. depression is a luxury too. more on that later though. think about how many people who would die to be where you are right now. you do whatever you can to make it here then you arrive and just sit around on your ass for too long. i’m shaking my head right now about it. when i was 19 and fucking up for my first time i said a book must come out of all this or it’s all for naught. what a giant waste of my life but a book can remedy it all. now here i am again with new city eyes some-odd eight years later beating my dead horse. i better not blow it again.

my greatest regret in life is allowing my laziness to get in the way of everything. my outright avoidance of putting in the slightest extra bit of effort into anything i do. i know i should be achieving and accomplishing more and i hate myself for not. for letting people get in the way of my life, for focusing on them instead of myself because if i focus on myself then i’m forced to look at myself and that’s the last thing i want to do. i spend way more time than i ought to worrying about things that will never happen.

here’s a saying i learned a long time ago: if you can do something about a situation, there is no sense in worrying about it but, if there is nothing that can be done about the situation, worrying will also do you no good. so don’t worry.

last weekend at work a group of guys were ordering tequila shots and the leader of the pack says oh wait one more for GORGEOUS GEORGE so i turn around and turns out gorgeous george is the opposite of gorgeous. so oppositely gorgeous he’s gorgeous, and gorgeous george was spoken with an aussie accent so it sounded like butter in my ears. it was perfect.

from now on i’m going to wrap up blog posts with stupid unrelated stories.

this is about as painful as watching your parents figure out electronic mail for the first time. ok now i am figuring out how to use this beast. must turn off fb notifications.

so smart, i should like, totally be a blogger or something.