my two sense ]sic]
Raymi I have been following you for a few years now, and I must say I can really feel the melancholy you are feeling in your posts. I am sure you made the right decision with Fil but I am not sure what your life has become now is the right direction either. It is like everyone of your posts is about drinking, getting wasted, and hanging out at bars. I realize you work at one, but I think maybe that is one of the problems! You are obviously very intelligent, insightful, and many other positive things and I think you really need to channel your energies in something else. You are forcing all your smiles, and fooling around, and really would rather be somewheres else. Please try to take your tremendous talents and put them to better use! I would love to see that as I am sure many of your followers would. Only because I care so much, even though I do not know you. Gma Liz.
this is super irritating. do i write to people and tell them how i would like them to live their lives? writing is cathartic don’t read into it so much and literally. my life is more than my blog, i censor it and keep a lot private so don’t worry and don’t get on my case for being emo holy shit, this is why i dont blog my feelings cos then 500 self-proclaimed therapists come a-knocking. im in my twenties and i live in a city. everyone drinks. everyone is sad. everyone goes out at nite. i choose to glamourize the bar scene because to me its dark side is appealing and beautiful. this is my kerouac flaw. if you want me to go back to being a housewife blogging about food all the time im sorry but that shit is over. i find your email to be selfish. i understand the concern but really, way to piss me off.
and it’s CENTS.
i love to be self-indulgent while alone and blast out infinite sadnesses. it doesn’t mean i am a cutter and it doesn’t mean i want to die. get over it i am not going to climb a mountain of success just to make YOU feel better. i’m fine under-achieving for now and being around people again, whether in bars or crack dens, i spent the last four months isolated in a stressful shitty private/public rebound relationship so who the fuck are you to tell me what to do next or which direction to go? you know which direction YOU can go? the fuck off my blog and stop emailing me, we aren’t friends. learn some boundaries.
people have delved into my life e-fucking-nough, fil’s also. we aren’t your little sims you can control or have some sort of influence on so get over yourself asshole.
WOW, did not expect such an angry response! I assure you that was not my intention! I apologize, I will remember to remember that you only put certain things out there and not to read so much into it. I certainly was not trying to be a therapist, I just want you to be happy. I apologize again…
thats ok. you maybe should have thought this through more before emailing it. i blogged it anyway to make an example of you cos i get this kind of shit all the time, dont take it personally. i certainly dont.
here is another example of, i don’t know what. many people i guess really want fil and i to be together again, our relationship gave you hope maybe?
nk: Where do you bartend?
me: The central
By the victory
nk: Cool beans.
Is it jazz-dominant in terms of music?
I remember it used to be.
PS – You are looking very good these days. You look happy, too.
Nice to see you buzzing around the city, out of the ‘burbs.
me: Oh thanks
nk: Had to take a bit of a break from reading you. I got emo after reading about your split.
But whatever. Just wanted to tell you you look cute.
me: Woah really
Emo over missing fil
We r friends again
nk: Emo over I don’t know.
But glad you’re friends.
me: Weird all the emotional reactions over us
So much projection
nk: I’ll be honest. I wasn’t that emotional. But the break was probably a good thing. Are you still in the annex?
nk: OK. Goodnight. Will drop by someday.
me: Sorry out when I shouldn’t be
i think it’s just painful to watch me right now in my alleged butterfly stage. naturally, fil was a mess after we split and i carried along seemingly fine, still showing a brave front cos i felt obligated to for this stupid mental illness blog. but now that i am coming undone and brave enough to show it, people can’t handle it. he was showing and sharing all of his pain while i kept mum as much as possible until i broke silence, then the globe article came out, then many other articles came out.
so basically, i cannot win here. ever. damned if i do, damned if i don’t. simply just damned. i get judged for any and every fucking thing i say, do, or wear, right down to my fingernails. i’m not saying it’s awful i’m just saying, holy shit, you guys are relentless.
Well thanks for putting my apology up there too! You really did blast me. And ofcourse it is cents not sense, I know better than that….guess I really was not thinking!
As I have three grown children of my own perhaps I was seeing it from my past experiences with them, two suffer from depression and one of them is still searching for his way in life. Again, I only want good things for you and meant well…
i think im doing pretty good with where i am presently and i am learning more and more about myself every day. you cannot learn under stagnant circumstances. i get enough unsolicited advice from my mother. i dont need it from strangers now too.
thanks, but no thanks.
UPDATE: ok sorry i am less angry now but fully embarrassed. don’t write to me when i am premenstrual, which is always. so basically, just don’t write to me haha.