i am giving stink-eye in this picture cos my mom is just !BLAAAARRAGH! it took infinity times to get her to stand where she finally was when she took this picture of me, she was looking down at the lcd screen and i’m like MOVE OVER THERE MOVE OVER THERE MOOOOVE OVER THERE and all these yuppies are walking by seeing me yell at this lady thinking how mean i am but like YOU try and get your moms to take a simple photograph of you standing on a little girl’s bike in yorkville see how long until YOU fucking explode.
and if this doesn’t totally inflate her head then i don’t know what will and i do not even want to know.
i bet my dad is major stoked about sharing his birthday with my blog’s anniversary and tonite i am going to get them both wasted.
oh and who wait what, who is that up there in OXFORD, England on the last day of their JOURNALISM exchange program at the age of 17? that’s right, JOURNALISM. and yes, that amazing haircutted pile of laughs is indeed certainly me and NOT you.
watch city tv news at 6 my mom and i will be on it talking about pamela anderson and kid rock and tomkat and i make a scientology joke. they might repeat it again at eleven. feel free to tape it somehow for me and email it or youtube so i can see it i am going to eat my mom is exhausting me i have a very small shopping window and then i turn into a monster.
this is my mom at our condo for the first time. we haven’t strangled each other yet though she is pretty annoyed that i am not ready to go out shopping and have made no attempt whatsoever to even get ready i am drinking espresso and puttering around wasting time i better get moving before nag central 2006 begins.
haha i am doing little things to annoy her “oh let me just put some getting ready music on.” she hasn’t eaten yet (me either) so she is extra ON EDGE.
bye.
mom: I AM NOT ON EDGE
raymi: well would you rather me say BITCHY!?
DOES ANYONE WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH MY MOM?
if i win best blog i will auction off my mother ya’lls, promise!
my mom is on her way over and she has been calling to give me updates on all the streets she is passing to make sure she is walking in the right direction, i told her that wasn’t necessary but i guess maybe it is. i have not put on any make-up yet and i have not showered since saturday cos fil had to recaulk the tub, i was thinking how i could fill up our day today and was like oh i guess criticising how i look will take up at least 15 minutes. sweet.
i said COCK.
i figured out a birthday surprise for fil that will be hilarious if you can guess what it is you can come and watch.
i rate them 1000 stars. i am in trouble if this becomes a regular item on the menu. i prefer the bacon to the sausage and while it appears to be similar to mcdonald’s barf mucmuffin it is not cos of the melt in your mouth tea biscuit.
my apologies for this i am so fucking fat post.
i am going to get this book for my dad’s birthday, mom don’t tell him please. though it is double the price at indigo, damnit.
my dad will only read books if they are about JFK, john lennon, WWII or cheech and/or chong.
on friday when i came home fil had beaten me there
ha i just made him look abusive
anyway he was trashed and fell asleep immediately while i stayed up to flick back and forth between thelma and louise and some tv porno, it was very romantic. i thought about doing a review of thelma and louise but i didn’t know where to begin and how do you review a movie you saw in 1991 when it came out on VHS when you were 8 years old?
i guess you watch it and porn at the same time after drinking the entire universe?
anyway some things greatly pissed me off about it – had that movie been made in today’s time those bitches wouldn’t have driven off that cliff. that movie is sexist and i think i should write to callie khouri. she based thelma and louise’s reasoning why they absolutely had to flee to mexico was that NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE THAT THIS SCUMBAG GOT FRESH WITH THELMA IN THE PARKING LOT OF A SKEEZY COUNTRY DANCEBAR and then obviously no one would believe it was self defense that louise shot him? cos there was no way the police would even let them state their side of the story nope NO WAY the chips are stacked against you thelma and louise FLEE TO MEXICO and if you don’t make it DRIVE OFF A CLIFF WHILE THAT KIND AND UNDERSTANDING DETECTIVE RUNS AFTER YOU TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE BUT YOU DON’T SEE HIM COS OF THE SAND SMOKE FROM YOUR PEELING-OUT!
can someone rip my arms off so that i don’t rip out my long beautiful hair?
holy shit and yes louise alludes to some cafuffle in her past that happened in texas that we don’t really learn about or do we i forget anyway that kill bill guy shows up and gives her money and is like BABY I WANT TO GO WITH YOU and she’s all no sorry and i’m like ARE YOU CRAZY YOU ARE A GRANDMA AND THIS YOUNG STUD WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AND YOU SAY NO!?!?
when brad pitt tells geena davis’ husband that he met his wife and then air hump simulates boning her, that’s funny.
though bringing people down to my level is pretty fun.
don’t forget to vote again tomorrow, and now it’s leafs + rye time.
i also tried to upload videos from last nite to my buzznet all day long and it didn’t work so you will have to wait a little longer, it’s worth it though. i sing papa don’t preach and i dance and i do the clap and then the double clap to the beat. i thought i knew how to sing that song, the verses, but nope, i so don’t, not a comfort zone song, good to know and then i sing j.lo’s waiting for tonite and totally fucking destroy it and i don’t mean in a i fucking slayed that song kind of way. it was like i was singing a completely separate song but to the beat, amazing. that song came out strategically just before y2k and i dug it a lot, especially the video, sang along to it and for awhile years after it was no longer top 40 status, during nites when i couldn’t sleep i would have it stuck in my head for some reason (mental problems) – with all this i thought well i can own this fucking song.
WRONG.
i might have deleted it it’s so bad. even lou gosset jr. knew how to sing it and sang screamed it along until i figured out the rhythym. i think all of lise‘s racism has finally gotten to me.
i also sang no doubt’s cover of it’s my life and soda the cat sings along with me after the part DON’T YOU FOR-GEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT then soda goes wreeeeeeeeaow and attacks the dog cos my singing skills drive her mental.
the moral of the story is: wine and champagne and squash soup = BEST EAR GOGGLES EVER
