dfas/kjas kdjs

Hah

i walked around this store for an hour yesterday after being on a crowded fucking subway i found maybe 15 things for various people and a few things for me cos the only way i can deal with being out in public is dropping disgusting amounts of money on myself anyway after about an hour like i said i go to check-out and there are 40 people in line and growing fast around me i mean right before my eyes so i went to most of the tables and put all my shit back in the right places more or less and left in a very bitter frazzled mood.

do you know how irritating it is to walk around picking up items for the people you love and thinking about them very carefully each and every one of them, it takes up a lot of brain energy and then after an hour of walking around sweating in your jacket and your arm is numb from holding everything and your purse you go to pay and all that careful selecting was nothing but a huge waste.

so i went to the mall and walked around in a huge daze being bumped by everyone and their aunt and people having yelling conversations all around me i am never going back to the eaton centre around the holidays again and this time i fucking MEAN IT.

i went to le chateau and bought a sweater a hat some tights and socks and 120 dollars later i have ME totally covered and everyone else, i have not purchased one thing, for anyone, other than myself.

so i went to indigo and covered the rest of fil’s gift and waited in a line with 50 other people, but it moved quickly, and this dude behind me talked really loud about all sorts of stupid boring dumb shit and it forced me to grab jt’s futuresex/lovesounds and a bottle of water and drank it immediately.

oh my shin started hurting quite a bit, shin splints? anyway i felt old and lazy and ugly and crabby so i left the mall, went straight to a bar and played megatouch and drank 5 coronas and a shot of fireball, fil met up with me.

i use to love holiday shopping now i want to be catapulted into the sun THE FUCKING SUN YES!

i will buy everyone else their little trinket bullshits on friday and they will be nowhere near as cool as they would’ve been if i had sucked it up and waited in line for an hour. oh well.

dear everyone i am about to go on a mystical journey of christmas shopping by myself because i only have three friends anyway when i get back i will post links to things that i bought and i will likely have little anecdotes to share about paranoid thoughts i had on the subway as well as many insignificant, and irrelevant details and observations about my mystical journey.

i think it only looks like her when you look at it from a sideways angle and you have to squint and be a little hungover. maybe i will paint over it.

i had a dream about gabbly chat last nite i don’t know why.

re: my gchat nickname NERDBREATH

Phil: have you been sucking off nerds?

me: hahahahaa
i was going to blow u last nite
but then i got tired
and couldnt stop reading cracked

Phil: blow me awake you mean

me: AHHAHAHHAHaHHAHAHHA
yes
but did u get how i responded with i was going to blow YOU after you asked if i was sucking off nerds
GET IT
I JUST CALLED YOU A NERD WITHOUT ACTUALLY CALLING YOU ONE

Phil: yes i get it seinfeld

me: i am the dis doctor
i am going to start dressing like seinfeld
im going to go buy a 400 dollar leather jacket and get wal-mart reeboks and fluff my hair

Phil: start?
you already talk like him half the time

me: *seinfeld voice* JUUUUST WHAAAT IIIIIS GOOOING ONNNNN HEEREEE

jack kerouac + steve allen

now that i am a million per cent certain that i am a loner at the top i have plenty of time for slaying guitar hero 2 i have progressed quite far in it in a very small amount of time and i am way better now, lise, look out.

met up with fil after the game and i sang who will save your soul and i nailed it and everyone was all THIS IS GOOD and YOU SOUND LIKE JEWEL little do they know that’s one of our go dad songs. we haven’t had practise in a long time, after the new year when shit settles i’m hoping we will.

before i sang, the karaoke guy made a zoloft joke, i dunno why i haven’t punched him yet prolly cos i think it’s sad he feels the need to zing me as part of his karaoke repertoire EVERYFUCKINGTIME dude i get it you want to fuck me now just be normal please.

hey remember my post about yul’s flat face and how i thought he was the guy from tokyo drift? well duh he won survivor it’s nice to see that intellect beats stupid and that’s funny coming from me, intellectual genius 2006.

phil: i miss u already

raymi: u owe me that ticket trade deal was not worth it sigh

phil: aw poor pretty princess

raymi: don’t forget to tell everyone how i have no friends

phil: i did don’t worry pxxo

Sabrina: without fail some asshole left me a shitty comment on that car accident post

me: send me link
to the post
i havent read it

Sabrina: here

me: omg that picture of u
how awful

Sabrina: i never really show it
i am not even sure why i put it up
i will avoid looking at my blog till i have 15 posts eat it away
so i will be posting like mad

me: where is the comment

Sabrina: it is by Ed
no link or email
comments here

me: there i left u a gay one

Sabrina: aww, thanks.

me: welcome

Sabrina: seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people

me: losers
they read blogs of people who do morally subject things so that they can judge them but really they wish they could be yer friend and know that you would reject them so theyre pre-rejecting you
im smart

Sabrina: hahaha. you are.
but you are fucking used to that shit

me: it still affects me
like winning these faggy blog awards have been pretty anti climactic
and then on top of that i am getting nasty comments
like fuck
people
just be normal

Sabrina: why would they be normal when they can have all sorts of shitty negative attention

me: i dont understand who wouldnt be embarrased by that kind of attention
like LOOK at you look at all yer online judgements and opinions just start a fucking book club and GO AWAY

Sabrina: hahahahhaa

me: and im not saying that to be haha or mean i mean it, they need an outlet other than going to people’s web journals and SAYING IT LIKE IT IS
quite sad

Sabrina: the way i see it, i blog ebcause i like to
and people enjoy it or they dont
which is fine
but if you are reading it and enjoying any part of it–then why the fuck bother me?
becuase as i see it you owe me for taking all my shit in

Sabrina: i am not saying i even have the best blog, or a great blog–all i am saying is respect the fact that it is something i am working on even if it fucking sucks. please just stop reading

me: yeah but then they get obsessed
and cant remember if they like u are hate you they are just obsessed
and cant stop
so the more u go on like nothing bothers you
they feel like they should be he-man and be able to control
or stop you

Sabrina: ugh. you’re right.
mostly though. i just ignore them, block them and they give up.