penny lane on premises you ready for this? to a certain few in the neighbourhoods of giving a shit and caring, your hero killed last night. it’s no more, no longer (obviously because the night is now over) however just let me build the story ok? first of all, i looked like this.

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i went out as softcore bunny groupie bait knowing NO ONE would be dressed like me. i pay homage to some secret groupie muses god may they rest in peace (no they’re not dead but their band wife lives are) and tis i now who carries the torch just a bit longer.

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earlier in the day i went to muchmusic for an audition.

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i don’t really know what protocol is for talking about parts before you’ve got them or just in general there seems to be a bit of a hush on pre-tv stuff but anyway, i had to dress like a bombshell superhero. barbarella-esque. i went literal with it.

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i read well i think, i went cate blanchett in lord of the rings. concerned and urgent.

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this room has housed many famous people over decades it felt funny being in there. i belong in there.

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full outfit. i read sitting down into the camera and not from the ponytail showcase side of my head that i wanted so i don’t feel very confidant about how i did because i am disgustingly vain and precise. a waaaay older chick went before me so who knows.

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pepsi throwback. i bet this will work. in me regurgitating it here too. shit. made dinner for teacher PBC and luc and off we went to get our pre-drank on in the tickletrunk.

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it took AWHILE to figure out what to wear. laundry mountain has multiplied into appalachians. no that’s not right, what’s a cluster of mountains, alps? who cares my room was crazy trashed but we had hours to decide.

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my attention span just wavered i have no time to get this done before it’s hair and nails did appointments, back to back.

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this photo sucks. started in vip. it got better and better though up in the risers but erik said he gave last pass off to DFA guys. fuh-ine. then he came up with more and i’m like DARIUS NOW MOVE and i can’t believe it he actually points to his can of beer and goes get me another one please thanks! i’m like DUDE and punch him in the leg through the bleachers and erik goes it’s NOW or never. darius you retard. then he got what was going on i tell you in penny lane world shit happens fast apparently the adrenaline is absurd throw drugs and booze on top of that, testosterone atmosphere to the soundtrack of something rock and roll legendarily epic, yeah, move your fucking as NOW dude.

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photos get better.

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starstruckery. this man is huge like william wallace lore and the stage was kind of vaudevillian it was breathtaking.

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the fans, fanatical. for the most part well behaved pushing shoving crowd surfing mosh pit. it was great to watch. from atop and afar.

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great lighting as usual good job sound academy. ps. if anyone wants to go to thin lizzy tonight i can put you on guest list as well as method man tomorrow if you’re too gangster to hang with me on my birthday.

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we got polluted.

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then we turned into the movie the abyss for a little while? it would be funny if those were actually binoculars. it’s entirely possible as i’m fucking blind as shit now. pissed blind. i am formulating a new term.

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so many man boners in the room quivering for him, man crushes. darius was actually jealous of me and said man if I was a girl.. haha you know, rockers have zero interest in dudes unless they’re like jay z or oil tycoons, but me, yeah, this is where penny lane shines. also, now we’re on the business exec mezzanine god i love using all those words together.

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the crowd was great and so adore queens of the stone age. ha almost forgot to even mention the act. it’s so intuitive my insanity i just assume you can read my thoughts now and just like, know.

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i saw kris down in the pit waving up to me and then i was grooving at one point and he texted if i was ok i looked like i was going to puke i said wtf i’m backstage i am fine guy haha. snarky. i think a pre-rejected attempt to get a way up to where i was. couple other friends were jeals of my vantage point too but all in good fun they’re like raymi you are always up there when, what was the last show that happened at gill said she was watching me and FUMING but then i coulda grabbed her and offered too and she was like no it’s cool so i don’t really get it then.

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someone else, a dude, asked how i got this magical hook up i said be a famous blogger person thing you know? all that bullshit and torment i’ve put up with, people hating me and making fun of me, gossiping etc well the thing you’re making fun of me for is the thing that gets me backstage to super cool coveted shit.

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i danced as hot and as slutty as possible. which female animals in the wild do that to attract their mates? anyway i was that. there was one amazing moment, not lying, the spotlight blasted me for a minute i was illuminated and josh and the bassist watched me dancing and bobbing in my platinum (rocker bait) playboy bunny glory. i did all my understated supermoves and the bassist kept watching, and i watched him back and i fought through the shy. holy fuck it was a powerful gay moment i shouldn’t even share it here why am i mortified? maybe because that person, this person, isn’t me really but i want to be this person.

i just like it big. but anyway, i do fine i just get way too cerebral. i am having a late mid twenties break down. it’s fine, i’m FINE! hahaa.

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i danced and danced and screamed in pbc’s ear stupid comments and demands to take pictures and danced some more and when the camera guy went away he asked me to watch it i was like no problem more room to dance that’s when my solo spotlight medusa performance happened.

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darius took it in. i said, stand right there exactly there. we took turns rotating from this spot to the one in the corner nook, even closer.

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is my face turning into a little swedish acorn? a little weird nut that doesn’t exist except now it does because it was just discovered, in a soft pink cotton candy forest? actually it would be a scandinavian acorn if anything because my aunt says there is some of that in our lineage.

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it really was beautiful to see. my brother didn’t want to come, well he did but you know, i’m the city one in the family. maybe if i invite him on a rocketship to the moon he’ll be interested in that or maybe he’ll be busy that day too? hahaha.

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best part and then i kept saying to everyone as my conversation starter, gesturing to this madness, “this is the best part.” what? THIS IS THE BEST PART! i’m going to get some new conversation starters. or just stop talking to people. lindsay was trying to talk to me at one point and i just went silent cos josh came up to us at the bar and i was like this is it, the moment is here, lindsay i’m sorry but i can’t talk to you right now. by the way, she and claire, look amazing. emma was there too.

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they read my blog and are up to date on everything. i was shocked. my friends read my blog but never talk to me. i am so isolated and exposed. i should just live in a cage in a queen west store front for a month and blog there, date there.

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i pointed out these cats ad said now they are so totally living the dream well they purport it much like i do with this blog and my life, they are rock and roll 24/7 incarnate. see how that guy is so severely holding on to the gate? he needs to meet josh hommes. that girl is an actual penny lane entourage. i am not that committed to rock and roll, each band is its own country and citizens have rank, kind of like how i heard how burning man invented mayors and retarded titles for authority needy hippies, where was i? oh i was drunk that’s right anyway this girl cockblocked my josh hommes chances and i heard another dude specifically say right into my face and josh’s hey, another (baby) on the way eh like stay away platinum predator so i was like fuuuuck and threw in the towel finally at that point so darius and i could drunk eat.

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possible that darius cockblocked me too.

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he said did you get your pictures of the aftermath trash i like those ones. see? someone FINALLY understands the importance of my work here and moreover, appreciates it.

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my phone was starting to get wonky from so much use i was worried it would crap out before the big moment. me in a tour bus bunky. kidding.

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i didn’t even go to the bathroom once. what a party champ.

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holly madison puck bunny. all bases covered ladies. keep it simple at rock shows, understate yet be a bit glitzy.

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clinger beside him is the same gate squeezer he would not leave him alone. i have no idea how anyone is actually connected this is just the reality i invented from what i observed because we all know i “do” “this”. i was staring at josh like i had staring problems until he was forced to look at me oh yes, i went psycho. but then when he looked into my swedish acorn (go with it) beaming welsh eyes he liked it. i gave a very excruciatingly subtle nod and didn’t break eye contact. i knew it was a losing battle. later when i was trying to get a picture i actually poked at his arm ten times and he just let me do that. i did it like you would your older brother. that’s when i became unsexy and just annoying then we left.

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i knew he would give me a shot, here we are doing it. i interpret it as a i can’t do you but i would do you so here you go. darius has all kinds of theories over this moment hopefully he’ll leave them in the comments without omitting any detail. he said he was intrigued by us, me especially obvs and this is the part when i think darius cock blocked me. oh well. i tried as sneakily as i could.

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i got my phone ready and lindsay took this. he was smoking a marlboro red. i told wendy to check my twitter and she said that i looked better than him omg. i was totally in lust while watching him play. i was totally shitfaced but i went like there is no divide between celebrity rock world and myself i am going in for the kill here i actually tried and i got pretty far i think. makes me realize that if i applied all this effort to more worthwhile pursuits like being donald trump instead of donald tramp i might have my own house in the palisades sometime soon if that reality existed, the reality of effort, like if i went to university instead of being a shithead. did i say i kept my shot glass? it was grey goose too. the bartender was like are you in the band to the leader of the band and he was SO humble about it i go, uh, he IS the band. she was a gina. she knew not what she did.

darius’ photos.

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tonight is my last night of being 27. who wants to wine dine 69 me?

emma is the best. the drunker she gets the more i cannot at all understand what the fuck she is saying, strong manchester accent (please say it’s manchester)(or welsh?) anyway her hair is amazing and perfect and i accused her of being a perfectionist. she sails boats i mean, come the fuck on right? check this pic of us from the week before i cut all my hair off.

that’s a recipe for a hilarious sitcom right there right?

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last night was great! ok gotta run bye bye!

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yesterday was monday right? wow cool. ok so we went to milagro, originally i wanted to go to squirrley’s (how DO you spell that place’s fucking name???) cos i have to do my healthy salad eating tour of toronto right now (i have a circuit) and they have this huge seven grain salad that’s wicked healthy and delicious on their menu but then i caught milagro whispers (i want to say milagra’n) in the air and they succeeded, it’s near, it’s nicer lets do it.

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how die antwood am i right now. my hair is doing three different things.

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my secret vision was the lime as prop. i am sinister, machiavellian. how many times a week do i say machiavellian? not as much as i say the word animal in reference to myself.

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we had the tequila trio, the second highest not the cheapest not best. pics of everything are on my camera and i am at the tower right now without my own laptop or camera cord. i am also using a mac. your hero is severely gifted you know that? using a mac as a pc user is like blogging through quicksand, what’s right click? mac is very arrogant in (every) terms of assuming the consumer just knows how to copy and paste. i used a mac at the women’s magazine i interned at as well as at vice, it just takes a week to get back into it however when you’re supremely stubborn like me and busy with the patience of a gnat, the learning curve window opening is just but a crack. as well, no mouse and a mac oh please forget about it we aren’t going anywhere for at least four hours while i get through my obsessive compulsive daily computer routines thanks to you and your mac (though i am grateful for the generosity thanks i swear heeheeh).

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these were good. i asked for insane asylum habanero sauce of course. i was drunk immediately off the tequila, when your drinks come before your food, as they always do, and your diet for the day consisted of multiple coffees and teas, water, you’re in a for a gassing. that’s what abigail called being wasted, gassed. love and miss her, just texted her. she is awesome cos her haircut is a silver grey version of mine and she’s 25. well maybe now she is 26 hopefully. these are beef tenderloin i think.

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track star nerd. i kind of look like a catch eh. lucas is going to have to fight this jersey back off me good luck budday. birthday week rules don’t break the law.

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track and field from hell coach girl. zombo eyes. eastern euro cavernous world weary livin peepers. i think they call it being seasoned, or maybe, being born as a 70 year old euro alcy. but no seriously here i am without makeup on i am kind of ok looking and scary at the same time which equals hot like a weirdo they’d hire at american apparel.

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you have no idea how much these appeal to me they were like lobster claws after awhile i ate them with my hands, so anchovy and i didn’t have to share cos teacher has a thing about seafood. i was just going to allow a new foot fetishist freak (yes another) take me to epic (royal york hotel) to have their caesar salad (i told you i have to do my salad circuit because i am excessive and i crave variety and if i am going to be good and eat salads they had better be delicious) for dinner sometime soon, but now that i know milagro has one just as good and cheaper, closer, i will be making plenty of salad pit stops here. i’ll still go to epic though with that freak. teacher is fine (doesn’t have a choice) with me dating. he said i am the hottest girl he’s had.

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what can i say, i am in my prime. this is my last gasp GASP mid-late-twenties breakdown. wendy told me it gets better at 30 though so we’ll see. maybe i will have to put babies on hold til i’m 32 then. i don’t know if my energy levels could handle four more years of living like a high end headbanger. maybe if i ended up with a musician i could be a professional wife groupie ok i better be on my a-game tonight. look i found a russell banks book in the office library that i haven’t read yet wasn’t i just talking about him the other day here see how that happens?

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melodie bought me this tea for my liver kidney functions and to help things happen, good things i guess i have all kinds of psychosomatic issues, real and imagined, stomach bloating for one and excessive urge to consume any and everything in sight.

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my torso yesterday kinda juice-ay. my nana would say bonnie. i’d say playboy.

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princess laundry never ends. i will get blog slave to finish folding it sometime this week. you hear me?

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loved lovin this hoodie and all the wicked stupid musings i was making.

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did i miss my model calling? don’t you have to be 14-20? does it matter? my legs are really gangly right now if you recall the photos of me on the fitness trapeze, those legs, this face i’m thinking 1-900 number commercials joookingk hilnur yo relax.

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we watched that jake gyllylylynhal and anne hathaway movie and we drew a billion parallels betwixt it and ourselves then were like OK lets turn it off. she smokes weed like a fiend, is a mentalcase artist in an ecclectic messy apartment he is addicted to, she has commitment issues, amazing sex demon bitch yah uh too real.

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everyone’s waving at you hi! i have an audition later on today i am not stressed about for once and then queens of the stoneage tonight. taking one of the parkdale boys club. it is going to be amazing. what should we wear?

here’s teacher’s shots of me.

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here i am called cutie pie dream girl. is that good? i just made it up now. wow it’s like i’m self obsessed or something or just using what i’ve got to make it in this city GOD.

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nakes face. fuck i belong on a spicy mediterranean beach.

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i am driving the teacher mad. guys will put up with anything for a hot chick. i learned and witnessed this the other night i won’t say when but it was amusing and made me reconsider, well, everything.

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the girl mantle is growing.

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stomach blob here comes premenstrual birthday collision. thanks for that.

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hey lets go for a run. catch me if you can mawfuh–er(s). no makeup no eyes, i am mesmerized by my face i paint it into a goth mask everyday so i seldom see it. this is what i look like. brilliant. a plus.

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i told the story of nikola when i was an online maven. to be continued…

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oh hey there library time already? doot dee doo.

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got this off lucas cos i whined and said BIRTHDAY WEEK! so wearing it to queens of the stoneage tomorrow. i still haven’t decided on who my date is yet. if my brother pusses out (so will) then it’s operation find someone worthy. try outs starting now. vip all access drank tickets. you need to have wheels.

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this is my rasta garth algar gwen stefani look now with a bit of run dmc.

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i don’t have “my eyes on” yet so i’m going specs here.

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lucas dust the medicine cabinet please. i’m making him clean the office beside my room for birthday week. melodie is like GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. don’t let us down dude.

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yikes too much scary lips like orange county housewife beast.

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i look like i’m gonna do some serious jumping jacks or bully the shit out of you like you totally deserve.

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my hair is very big right now my room, humid and started to make it air dry in a crispy curly way. my hair totally is candy floss. what munchkin pie dreams are made of. darling sweetheart hair.

what am i doing here. what am i NOT doing here is the question.

i said an empowering thing at the dinner table yesterday, the guys were going gross talking about women sexually and there was myself, a twenty year old and a twenty five year old. i said sternly, and, by the way, women love it when you talk like that. my table date was like wow you snapped at me. i gulped down my wine, brave and brazenly snapped at him again. yeah. DEAL with it. i could tell that these chicks maybe never went toe to toe with the older dudes about that piggish kind of talk and didn’t realize that maybe they should care and take a stand? it was kind of a feministing no one asked for.

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what is this girl trying to prove? who is she trying to fool? i just got a flashback of a photo of me at 21 somewhat like this, with black hair, standing outside the three judges RIP and smoking a cigarette. i’ll find it. a younger boy took it, he was an idealist. i tried to crush his dreams cos he was so naive. i wanted him to be set straight. he was moony for me. he was one of my jealousy traps. the first of.

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you can see my lip hole divot. cute imperfection.

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i look like a scary annoying bitch here.

Ok i’m starved it’s yum yum time.

HERE IS THE FACEBOOK EVENT for adventurehouse party this friday.

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oh monday you cruel mistress. here we go again. againemy. i just made that up because my brain is made of mush now and i make up words because they are my imaginary friends. i am basically dr. seuss. how much acid did he do? i’ve never done acid and i never will. no need! ps. don’t you love me in this photo? i do. look at it bigger. this is the face i make when you’ve said something tactless and hurtful and i’m allowing it to sink in how much of an asshole you are. worked on the blue eyed silver fox like a charm, over mussels he saw the mouth pout purse and felt like a twat. i don’t know why but i toy with people a little bit, make them think i feel bad when i don’t, transfer feelings around like a sociopath a little, i’m really upset about something secret that i am hiding, what you did was very minimally shitty to me but i will let you think it was apocalyptic maybe if i am bored. i have high standards and if you fail my little tests then everything changes. i am actually way worse than seinfeld costanza larry david woody allen martha stewart and other neurotics. remember the polak i was kind of dating? he said something about online modeling and then it was over so fucking over.

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i ate a lot of things yesterday. this is not from yesterday though, it was dinner with the teacher at gladstone. the slaw and the pate, the pate was a bad call we sent it back for the black bean dip. there was nothing wrong with it at all it was just too rich for how hung and teenily appetited we were. please remind me to make my own slaw.

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not one non-blurry photo taken in le tickletrunk, and then the clear ones i look like a psycho so here is pictorial evidence of a brief room party. i bought all these juices, carrot (barf) aloe (yum) pineapple coconut (YUM) and ruby red grapefruit (sharp!) and i bought a bottle of stoli, soda why am i listing this it’s so pedantic. i bailed on the juno party at wrong bar, how was it? i bailed all over the place this weekend. black out on responsibilities not compromising MY LAST WEEK OF 27 i promise this will all go away really soon hopefully. what should i wear on my birthday? i’m feeling something akin to strawberry shortcake. can all the girls dress up too? i promise i will not go as insane as my ten year blog anniversary party which essentially already was a birthday extravaganza bonanza.

lets pretend that i do and just go back in time to take that in again. AGAINEMY. i need more hair diamonds that harajuku clip died. buy me some. write a list of things i want thank you.

holy blond kardashian nightmare, redd did an amazing job on my hair.

oh my god what a total bridezilla party monster. i think when i get married one day if i’m still doing the living publicly on display thing, i will have to get married in a straight jacket just for safety. with champagne intravenous sewn into the lining. i’m surprised they don’t already exist. they’re already white and all brides go bonkers.

bro and i commiserating. lots of dysfunctional hilarious family shit went down this evening. no telling family secrets though too bad for you.

four costume changes.

and a wardrobe malfunction. someone slammed into me and that entire wine glass dumped all over the front of this jem and the hollagrams dress ugh it’s a $600 dress on loan lucky i got away with it. my rib cage is hugely wide. i didn’t get to wear this one for very long oh well.

so yeah i have to go less than this but, just as glitzy. suggestions recommendations, donations, by all means… ok back to the present.

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that one shoe is talking to my doc.

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looks like a commie coat station. i did want to nickname this place the outpost. that choice was veto’d.

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and that would be the passbook. commie guidebook of rules, life lessons to live by and overall code of ethics of raymbo army.

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this is my journal from 2000, a period before england and then my walking around journal in england, notes to later expand upon in full. my class was just about writing, writer’s craft. i got to just walk the fuck around zone one (way posh) and write about eating drinking fucking (at 17) and also kept a scrapbook. what a time. i’ll scan it one day, that’s noel’s dream to scan all my journals and print them in a huge coffeetable book.

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couple great gems in here and cute tram link vouchers, receipts, pressed flowers and empty sucre packets from pretentious little cafes i went the full arty nose in a book dream girl. i read some of this aloud to teacher and was kind of shocked by how great my writing was. poems too! what a fag. i think it’ll be worth something one day. all my journals will, which is why i took careful precise care with them, everything written is intentional and deliberate so some rich collector one day will open it up to passage about sunshine penetrating my souuuuul. dark lurid creepy pained and pompous moments time capsuled, dated. passages by a muse.

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i can have a chat and watch the tube from the john. very funny to a guy like me.

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this morning i woke up not as depressed as how i woke up saturday morning. the secret to a bender is do it twice in a row i guess and get the fuck out of the house as fast as you can and by the way two things before i forget, this FRIDAY APRIL 1 is ADVENTUREHOUSE party at SALVADOR DARLING 1237 QUEEN ST W i will be there this time and i will be 28 years old. i will be severely hung getting severely sloshed or i will just be severely sloshed. we’ll see. hope to see you there. snp came to our first one, accidentally though (she didn’t know it was our night but i’m declaring it as counts), and she stayed. me and mel fan girled over her a bit in the back, mel was like did you get any pics of her? no unfortunately but anyway these parties are taking off now is the time to get swept up in the abyss.

the second thing was, the nickname of teacher’s townhouse is: the tower. so now you know.

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getting ready for outside world.

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whitening my teeth.

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becoming it girl. i bought this shirt from salvation army in sauga (joyless shithole) and my mom was like hmm i dunno about that i said just watch and learn, trust me.

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princess dirtbag extraordinaire. slap a collar on anything and you’re set.

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sorry that all my tips are about being something you’re not. hey if you can be a dream cloud concept, do it. live the dream.

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iceman.

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hair theme this weekend was disaster zone. roots appt wednesday. maybe i’ll get a purple stripe. brennen said pink will not work for some reason i forget why.

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turning into a skinny lil thang i is. except then i ate everything in the universe yesterday but somehow magically was not a heffer today i was ready to be down right miserable but the diva gods are smiling down on me for fucking once just until i get up off my ass and assess the situation in the mirror, i fluctuate exponentially throughout the day and monitor everything. anyway my collar is popped. sometimes when you have to make fun of jocks you’ll (i’ll) accidentally say pollar is copped. anyway here i am owning the popped collar. it’s all about attitude, teacher gave me a tip unintentionally. an outfit can work if you work it but if you go sour times debbie downer then you have to take off that sparkly shit right now and go into dumpy wagon traveler woman outfit if you fail to bring it.

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she matches me.

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i only wish it were bigger.

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my stomach is now washboardish and i am definitely flaunting it but it’s also wide and expansive with my layers and too tiny jacket so you’re forced to look at a weird big surface of skin because i am a dickhole and defiant. melodie was like, it looks like a shirt!

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i go hard when i get my results because i have had to cover it up before or i dunno, hide my excessive lifestyle with drapey bullshit and high waisted shorts as spanx, you know all the doughy tricks.

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i call it going beaver. like the place. i go there sloppy hot mess drunk with the family and i’m like guys I’M SHOWING MY BELLY YOU CAN’T STOP IT and they’re all shut the fuck up already lets go.

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then i think about my stomach all night long.

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great scarf timing.

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i felt like i had too many colours going on. definite raymbo outfit.

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my hair wasn’t all that bad though i know it’s time to clean it up when i can sculpt it into an edward scissorhands garden creation all on its own or when i take out the elastic it stays like michelle tanner (someone buy me the book those two made, what’s it called?)

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eating destination one. yuuuuhm.

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best hamburger painting ever, very meta too. i’d like to see it in a stuffy rich guy’s office instead and then stare at it psychotically while he talks numbers and i pretend like i know what i am doing and the next big thing. speaking of when is a venture capitalist going to get bored enough to take on a new hobby investment aka me? where are the dragon’s den people?

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next time no burger, just choc rum shake. or burder and a stiegl. no onion rings either just too much food. i took the rest to go for melodie, but i scraped off all the flavour of my bison burger because i am a wild selfish greedy beast animal. so it was just here is a bison burger smooshed up to an onion ring that’s going soggy boy i love sharing.

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i love all the art in there. hot knives painting that could easily fit in a children’s camping story book come on, give me that!

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cutting it close to booze store closing time on a sunday on brock, this is the best place to be, they come in droves in all shapes and sizes i couldn’t take my eyes off the outside world.

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pretty. spring is so beautiful. ahhhh.

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hi dekel.

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hi me.

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mmm god yes. deciding factor in eating here. they have rum chocolate milkshakes and teacher’s like SOLD. then the music as we were leaving got fun (and the rum did its trick) we were instantly transported to the livingroom bender redux dance party of the night prior yet in stampede. i like how teacher dances, and that he dances.

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what movie was this? so weird.

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i liked the orange of his drink. is that the lemonade booze drink? maybe.

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MUST see this before it’s over.

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killed mine. efficient. that’s how i ate dinner too at the head of a table everyone was like woah do you want seconds? i already had seconds thanks.

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we were going through my cute pictures and melodie got annoyed and said you should just change your facebook profile photo to a picture of onion rings. no way fuck that i said. hahaha. i get the concept behind it but the overall indie hipster bait i do not have the patience for at all. oh look she’s so hot but her fb photo is a pile of garbage on ossington SO OUT THERE i just know there is so much more to this woman, she is so deep and secure that she has onion rings for a face. nice try melodie.

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probably the ugliest burger in the city.

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you know what they say though, the uglier, the yummier.

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FOOD PR0N STAR.

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it’s almost human, no ha i mean bison. i feel like it would communicate with me if it could and i think that i am going crazy. good night.

no wait, i found some blackberry pics.

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last photo before eating.

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expensive bag lady.

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gorgeous dinner party room.

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great food (more eating)(and a bit of seconds) lots of red wine, nice sunday feast.

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huge bright vibrant aquarium to stare at and be mesmerized by.

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rook brought this wine i loooved it was always put off by the label. not no more. buying a bottle tonight.

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half the work is just in a name seriously if i was a sweet tooth could imbibe type just looking at MARSHMALLOW DREAM BAR would do me in. i’d be like well they have a point.

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not bad considering the eating guilt. must be a skinny bitch this week. emphasis on the former or latter as you wish. i’m now in the strength phase of my works outs, so heavier weights, less reps. i like it.

these are somewhat beautifully obnoxiously hilarious. oh life is such a breeze.

i never see shots of myself this up close.

not much air brushing photoshop either i saw these on his camera. who cares not like more than half of you will ever experience me tangibly anyway so this is your reality of me, that’s your imaginary doll to play with. i like that one girl said they talk about my blog like it’s 90210. that’s amazing. please send me the minutes from your next blog board room meeting. i want my teeth whitened. was supposed to before but the deal fell through, i was still living in burlington at the time and afraid of the city. that happens eh if you leave your community you make a new one and then the other one seems like so much effort. that seems ridiculous to me now.

my teeth are rather imperfectly perfect. interesting and huge. one’s up one’s down, shit’s all over the place! good strong pedigree there yeah like a horse.

are you hypnotized mesmerized yet?

fine i’ll share the stage. this is the socialite i grabbed around the waist and dragged over as i said come here socialite i love socialites and i love this dress. el smootho.

her teeth are brilliant, i think she’s the wife to be of the gym owner. you can have your teeth widened eh i think xiaxue had that done, these alligners you wear at night stretch your jaw/teeth so then you have a toothier grin a wide ass smile like julia roberts. so many things and beauty tricks out there. i’m not saying this chick had that done i am just comparing everything about myself to her, naturally and i’m thinking as a blog reader would, judgmentally.

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this face i do sometimes needs a name. that’s my nostalgic 70’s look. dazed and confused innocence, no cares in the world. gimme some more of that.

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ok i need a tan or something. my look kind of works but kind of chloe sevigny pasty white chalky? like looking into your face just bored me immensely yet i cannot look away from it, freak stop it.

i don’t like my pose. necklace chain needs to be daintier.

your hero is slouching, wearing flat shoes and still taller. tallest.

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that’s paige. she is still breathtaking. i say still because like me, she is aging. gracefully and beautifully. look at those teeth. so many chicks have shit talked this girl and despised her old blog sorry for dragging that up i just like how one in particular that i know did it years and years, so bitingly jealous of paige it was hilarious to hear her whine. such anger and to provoke it too ahhh, best. yeah fuck look at her she’s beautiful, no contest, maybe get over it though? ps. i’m on my way back to my pioneer village in ten minutes so drink all the free wine you can lets get out of here the stew should be about ready.

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haha. that’s pastel supernova. her pin up calendar is in our kitchen. we’re going to do a cute fitness dancey video together, flirty fitness pin up style. yes?

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f list blogger leesa, tres cool. i like our matching white hair.

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i look like an aged michelle tanner.

ok it’s safe to say i was in every single picture blogged so that’s a perfect game. just as exciting as golf maybe? totally. is it drinking time again yet? it’s my birthday soon AGHHHHHHHH! yes you can mail me a present just ask.

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wooh boy lemme tell ya, way too many aha moments lately.

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too much self-reflection and juggling, yeah that’s it.

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well i guess i’ll just show you then.

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some stories you can’t tell. not these though this is just me having dinner with my colleague like it’s nineteen eighty-seven. the teacher always gets a kick out of my “the colleague” statements.

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i find that i am always talking about myself and what i do because i am always around new people and they fiind it interesting so the vacuum of you continues.

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it becomes overwhelming.

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sometimes you forget who you are living for.

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people come into your life for small intense periods and then in a flash, gone.

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revisiting scenes of crimes i am guilty of. places, haunts. put a new face in it. let them order everything. pretend you never did it before.

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they recognized him here from the guu’s out west. i absolutely loved this place it was perfect for the time and setting and the roadhouse yelling surreal atmosphere. i want to take my dad and brother here. i think the speedy hyperactive vibe would be too much stimulation for my mother. sorry.

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look at the girl eating.

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the red flag and i ate at the location on church it was amazing.

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i look old. remind me to never do that again with my eyes. it’s ok i see chicks with crow’s feet and thanks to seldom smiling as a kid til well, 26, i have no face wrinkles really. maybe under eye lines.

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he’s seriously ordering everything he thought i said to i don’t think that i did, it was possible though. it amused me and was endearing.

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deep fried bacon. i don’t know the names of any of what we got, again, he ordered. fine by me i was a rake this night anyway and james at TMR the next day said i was looking really thin. meanwhile look at all this shit i ate.

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scallops.

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he spilled beer. this pose was his idea. i said i bet they think im gwen stefani looking for new harajuku girls. i was eyeballed walking to and from bathroom. red lips bow blond leopard print giraffe skin tight pants.

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i drew this in 2008 at lee’s palace. a lot of my drawings are in the girls room stalls. some really wicked burns too.

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i did some paintings of this drawing. sold them.

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that kavin guy was there. this was a british band, the big sea power? British Sea Power. i pay about as much attention to bands as i do art, remember i spent 5 years of my life in every single venue in toronto every night of the week pretty much how many bands is that again and more and more keep appearing. it was fun. older crowd. i looked hot. i danced, he danced.

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stage diving and crowd surfing i loved it.

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one more drink and i’d have danced on a speaker.

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two ernies cannot be together.

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this was the last night.

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reclaimed one of my swarovski bracelets from mel. gave her another one i don’t wear. problem solved. oh i just remembered to take pictures of my juices.

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kind of a savante.

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at night i turn into a jakalope. we have long razor sharp teeth. be careful boys.

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yeah don’t even say it i know i know.

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he claims his photos were better. no. though i look adorable i think bbming them scrunches them up.

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their kind of carbonara i had fun massacring the egg.

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serious shiksa bait. is there a section for shiksas on j date? i’m not jewish but i can try haha who was i making that joke with again? joke? more like serious.

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woah. serious village of the damned fucking nerd turd much.

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my papa has the same glasses.

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oh good morning astroboy.

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holding a photo of myself duncs and shawny on a paddleboat.

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they LOVED the tickletrunk. we like springing the tickle trunk on unsuspecting person’s once they see the lay of adventurehouse (we HAVE to start blogging there again party next friday april first) they walk alllll the way to my room and are like bang pow sunlight marijuana sauna sixteen candles.

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that’s my poor little rich girlfriend we have adopted. my ex brought her around to boehmer a few weeks back remember and he’s the one who wrote me from wherever in asia about seeing someone read my blog in an internet cafe weeeeeird.

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i hate how i did my nails. this dark grey blue is doing nothing for me except making me into an ugly cruella deville.

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my room is a cave witch cauldron.

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can a designer come and make my room over and the room beside it thanks.

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i am so the lion witch and wardrobe right now.

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seriously. through the cupboard to narnia.

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no i like the secret garden more. that abusive little sick kid who couldn’t breathe air spores so he stayed in his room with the curtains shut and then a chick much like me shows up and is like Fuck That and puts him in that old ass wheelchair and they break into the secret garden cos she has the key (how did she get that again?) and (i read this twenty times and saw the movie obsessively cos i didn’t like people when i was 12) then the little crabby rich heir was pissed when the girl necked the stable gardener boy (who always ran horses out on the moor oooh so fucking HOOOT) and um they closed the garden up cos the mother died but then it was ok cos they could all lie in the grass together holding hands the end moral of the story don’t let your suicidal teenage daughter watch it unsupervised. no just kidding. it is a bit of a wicked dragger movie NO ONE wanted to watch it with me ever.

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nice golden sun mmmm.

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that’s not even all of them.

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so the colleague and i went to beast. those asian dudes over there stared at me a lot. colleague told me i check people out way too much. can’t help it but i am going to stop.

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i was wasted after three seconds on prosecco.

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we talked about business. i did not want to. OFF THE CLOCK.

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that’s so mr. beany christmas turkey and i love the is this made by elves? mini bread loves.

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bone marrow. i am officially a wild beast animal thing. i will eat the inside of your bones. joe is going to cast me as a vigilante bikini clad psycho grindhouse gang chick in fact and i’m getting melodie on board anyone else interested? that’s pig’s ear on the side, could have given waaay more of that. tastes like delicious kfc. auld spot has a great pig’s ear salad.

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grilled bread.

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wow look at that oozy orange reddish wow. it was smokey and oh so good. fatty. melodie said it’s really good for you.

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later on at night though it wasn’t settling all that great in my tum tum. yes i said tum tum.

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i put the pig ear salad on the smeared marrow and it was AMAZING.

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my burger is under that egg. and those high-endy tater tot things were nice and salty and contagious i barely looked at the menu my eyes were super blurry tired so i think i convinced myself it would be sided with something light. i’m tired guys your hero wants a break i’m blind by nightfall zzzzz. sad face. no wait happy face on my burger of what i don’t know.

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lambs ribs. phenom.

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i’m getting my eyes checked soon and some adorable new glasses.

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hair GROW!

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i decided yesterday that i cannot be anybody’s anything right now. i am also doing (and have been doing) a vow of celibacy whether you believe it or not.

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i need a minxing break. taking takes a take on you too.

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i forgot my belt.

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there was no way i was eating that thing with my bare hands are you kidding me? so massacre it is. my favourite. reminded me of breakfast special at the white oak mmmmm going there again as soon as i get an oakville boyfriend.

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then i went somewhere where i was greeted with a HI RAYMI by the man of the hour on the front door of this art party ball. i was like aw shucks.

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i was alone. britt never got back to me. i was nervous. i walked around mildly inebriated sobered up from the cold. simon greeted me. i picked him up off casie’s blog in the comments. man of the hour catch.

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open bar. i was also supposed to be at the rockstar hotel party at the spoke club. casie went there she said it was amazing. arg.

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gorgeous art it girl person. i gave everyone categories of types.

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i didn’t pay much attention to the art. art doesn’t interest me. people, interest me. these art people. this crowd. i like to study them.

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here’s where it gets interesting. see that couple so obviously talking about me over there rudely right in front of me, i didn’t know i had captured the evidence which in hindsight is hilarious. this guy is informing this girl, his girlfriend, all about me. i could feel it, i couldn’t hear it but i pretended i didn’t notice and kept shooting all the random boring crap in the room meanwhile she is nodding at me at everything he is saying as he is gesturing at me it was fucking bullshit because i could see her getting a crash raymi course (which she is agreeing to all of like yep she looks exactly like whatever it is you are selling her as fucking RUDE) from this asshole who thinks he knows who i fucking am? you don’t know who i am.

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oh look mr. smug fucking asshole there he is again. this guy goes up to simon later on, dude, it’s raymi, that’s fucking raymi, in this way like i am the enemy. now, one, i do not know this guy, and I’M not the one walking around talking shit. simon and i are sitting on the couch i was just talking about my experience thus far in this crowd, and i mention this couple that were so clear as day speaking about me, simon asks who? i point to the girl in the red dress and he goes oh i know who was talking to her those are my friends, we make some jokes about me being paranoid then move on but it’s still in the back of my head.

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he sees it’s bothering me so he goes over to whatever the guy’s name is and before he can ask if they were talking about me (this is turning into bigger of a thing now and only because i’m kind if sort of his date, secret casual date and now my honour requires useless defending) he says the “that’s raymi” line and before no, it wasn’t slagging it was just, he’s starstruck. yeah right bullshit i so do not believe that for one solid second.

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he comes back, yeah he was talking about you and i think he sad you fucking idiot people can see you when you’re talking shit about them you know. girlfriend is like you’re such a fucking asshole or whatever i’m told. then i go to the bathroom and she and i pass each other awkwardly. this pair is going to be back at the after party so for the love of party it has to be sorted. gay right? i told him i wouldn’t make a scene or confrontation don’t worry, after i initially said tell me RIGHT NOW what it is he said because i’m going to confront him. that stressed out simon so i said fine i won’t i’ll just obsess and fester about it all night long and then write about it in some vague manner on my blog tomorrow.

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the only responsibility i am going to take on any of this is the fact that my reputation precedes itself, people in toronto are intellectual obnoxious hatery self-indulgent speak before thinking or knowing types and throw a notable person like me on the pile, it’s only natural to talk as much shit as possible about me until you move on to the next. i do not fault this clown.

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and then, what the fuck is this? should i drink it? you spent $40,000 on an ocad education for this? cool!

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if i were you i would just down this entire fucking bottle right now.

kidding jesus relax i am in a reageahol vortex over multiple things presently so just go with it and do not question anything. hang on tight.

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can you give me the cliffs notes of this please.

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yay poor john’s. that made me beam. i wonder if roxanne was there.

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i enjoyed the four cliquey art scene nerd chic chicks who were actually just nerds. the prettiest queen bee of the lot smiled a lot and the others looked kind of miserable. these are the things i perceive or invent, hierarchy scenarios and what not.

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i asked what it was he had said about me. he said i was self involved. self obsessed? one of those things. yeah well that’s my fucking job ok i actually went OUT to an art show, something outside of myself, something NOT about me to get away from me you know.

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other than that it was fun. i was the odd man out. i just actually wanted to go to my dad’s last night but britt reminded me that we rsvp’d to rockstar and the allure of this art thing, so i am kind of pissed and disappointed a little in my night. you can’t win ‘em all lebowski.

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the awkward continues. no just kidding. i just music hogged. i also invented a drinking game in the kitchen if you stood on the white kitchen tiles you had to drink. it lasted two minutes.

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i changed into pants. it was cold and my tights tore at dinner.

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there’s that girl again and i didn’t take this photo so hell no i’m not being flipped off.

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i cozied up to that beatnik chick for a minute. she was sweet. anyway, simon was like, i’m sorry about your life basically. you can’t escape it, this lead to that and the other and well yeah. the end i guess.

and now i vacuum the tickle trunk.

air freight

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ready for some lifestyle challenge voyeurism?

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get a load of that handprint haha rowr. this is walter, he’s welsh like me (i become more of a certain part of my heritage when i come into contact with others of the same origin uh was i hallucinating that walter was welsh? who told me that?)

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beefcake two is dan. wow i look retarded. bad lead photos (of me).

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getting ready for the ladder boot camp style. would you watch this on tv? i would.

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come on boys, chase me, if you catch me then, well, it’s up to you what you do with me. you probably would have no idea anyway so i’m not scared.

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and that’s for these two only not some psycho out there in their silence of the lambs house licking their lips right now. by the way a video i put up years ago dancing to goodbye horses (it’s in silence of the lambs) has not only SO many views but, the most psychotic sketchy rude terrible and disgusting comments ever. go look. people talk to me like i am living in that video. death threats. stupid movie quotes. ugh. i approve all of them too as evidence plus, they’re not even humans to me, freaks who worship a fictional character (buffalo bill)(was he fictional) in a cross-dressing scene when he says i’d — me, i’d — me hard. they ALL say that in my youtube comments. dad don’t look.

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this was a fun day. dan had already done his own workout before i showed up at my regularly scheduled thri-weekly work out so he did extra working out. impressive.

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and walter hustled his ass off like never before thanks to yours truly i am told. i can’t wait to have a rematch with them. that’s anthony behind me, he works out the same time i do three days a week with the russian nightmare, seen in the red on the left. that’s andrew i’m following, we work out on mondays.

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the beginnings of raymi skinny are apparent here.

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aw look at the cute little bunny go. sorry dudes but my brain goes like this weekly: motion room, no motion room, motion room, no motion room, cover up being hungover at motion room, do i do boot camp on saturday or do i try and be good on my own aaaand it’s motion room again the point is you turn into a hamster in the brain after all that working out and start referring to yourself as a bunny rabbit (i am hopping after all)(she has a point). i’m fine with it. i need some structure anyway.

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ugh lunges i hate them. my legs are always sore from how hyperactive i am. my legs are what propel my brain around and make weird activities and things that i do happen. seen?

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today my legs were really sore and i had to explain it was from some extracurricular stretching i do on raymi time. off hours. which essentially is on the clock cos the show never stops i am always collecting and gathering data, content, stories… the point is james can we focus on upper body today please thank you i think the gams are good to go.

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and so i don’t like lunges very much but i know it’s all for the greater good. doing weird strange precise bicep curls and having kash obsess over my form and pinching my back has resulted in a defined back. i didn’t know that was even a thing! or achievable. i thought well this pile of potatoes is what i have and that’s what i am so i’ll try to make do. nope. you can actually be a transformed person. i am drankin’ the koolaid for sure now guys.

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this move is crazy neat you arch your back and if you want maximum results fire your core do it super slow and squeeze your butt, you squat down onto the ball, NOT sit. sitting only gets you a fat cubicle office ass, squatting gets you in p0rno. that’s raymi words of wisdom of the day (don’t worry there’s more).

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i love to check out my form in the mirrors too. specifically how much my shorts wedge into my butt crack and how everyone is pretending not to look.

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if they can do it then you can do it so come on lazies. takes bravery and it is never ever too late to start.

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cross-overs with the medicine balls. i love them. then you pick it up by squatting lift it up in the air and squat bring it to the ground again, kick it to the side like in soccer and catch it with your other foot, also like in soccer then do it again. i fire my core and flex my butt to get optimal results because i am smart like that. i picture myself like a super hot famous celebrity running like a maniac or kicking the shit out of a boxing bag with my sweaty gym clothes strangling and clinging to me but also getting looser cos that’s what happens when you work out and so i think YES my plan is working i rub my palms together like the bad guy in a cartoon, i’m getting fitter and better and younger and hotter and then there will be NO stopping me. hey whatever it takes to get through a friggin’ work out eh.

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each ball is a different weight. my blue one is heavier and it matches my outfit and my form is terrible. back is too rounded and i should be looking forward, back should be flat. i know better now. the lower you squat the more you feel like a gymnastical animal from the forest of exercise ready for attack.

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only some minimal s talk went dan’s way by way of the raymi telegram. come on you p*ssy. full stop.

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this is the one that kash is obsessed with which is fine cos it’s slow and gives me a chance to enjoy the sweat storm raining out of me because i am a garbage bin of toxicity. oh look i’m doing weights by myself in the mirror reflection over there (only two spots on this machine to do this move).

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i think i notice a difference in anthony. not sure though. yeah actually for sure he’s getting slimmer.

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and as for this little whippet…

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colleague get your ass over here why do you think we are even here to begin with hey?

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i had noticed the exquisite pose i had landed and it needed to be shared with all of you. i am my own director you know. my colleague once asked if he should tell me how to pose ever, to guide me and i said no. there’s a code in nature, in the wild, by photographers (think national geographic), if a lion is taking down a gazelle, even though it’s sad and we want the gazelle to outrun the lion and survive, the photographer cannot interfere because that is the cycle of life and the food chain and all that therefore, don’t tell raymi when raymi is being raymi how to pose. unless you want to be yelled at in front of everybody. the only time i’ll listen is if i’m making a fat chin face though then by all means, or if the lighting is bad and casting dark circles (or illuminating them) OR if i’m being paid on a real fashion photoshoot. gun for hire. flash the vanna whites aaaaand next scene.

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dear playboy… maybe i should just cozy up to holly madison in vegas.

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uhm, good one?

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this part was fun and cute and i think we were both actually secretly competing here but too shy to admit it.

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i look like my dad’s entire side of the family. totally.

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welcome to the sweat lodge. wanna hug?

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then we got organized and my shorts wedged even further into my butt.

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all pretending not to notice meanwhile russian nightmare is fully mastering the skill of not looking/looking (and simultaneously being a garden ornament statue) i bust him all the time he’s cute and shy around me, very polite. could probably drop kick a nuclear warhead i swear but around me, total f–ng puddy in his shy little turtleneck/t-shirt combos aw. maybe his arms are covered up and down in tats? one of andrew’s is (trainer behind my ball).

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third set of these you’re more focused and less back talky. well, not so true for me cos by this point i have exercise endorphins hopefully and then i ride that high and just sputter out nonsense and noises. like normal.

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raise your arms slowly and expertly and fire your entire body, the entire f’n thing i swear you will feel great and wonder why you worked out so sloppy all the time before.

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then i wanted to practice some hippie ballet.

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i zone out on my zune and practice future youtube dance vids.

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unflattering lighting a bit makes me look borderline cellulitey. i assure you i am not. the moral of this story is look at my body now thanks to TMR, soak in that definition and tone and i will only melt away more and more so. i might even do a cleanse mid-april. lots of changes ’round here i tell you. thanks for watching the lifestyle challenge with me, you can spy on all motion room going’s on on their facebook page. you can make fun of me in pics there. i’m not tagged in anything so go nuts.

TGIF BYE!

+++

email from an ex boyfriend of the day:

Hey,
I am in Bangkok right now at an internet cafe, and yet again. i found a traveler reading your blog.
I didnt aproach but just thought you should know.
Ur huge in asia.
hope all is well. My gallery in montreal opens in June. Make some art, ill give you some space there!!!!!

um i should post huuuge photos of myself more often wow fun! so maybe i will. hmmph. think of all the goodies i could go back and blast out super huge.