My niece is now 13 years old. Do you know what that means? In three years she will probably be running away so I better have my act together by then baha KIDDING! Ok Lets have a birthday party, my 13th birthday party sucked so this was like throwing the party I never got.

The Appleby Yogurty’s location has just popped up. They’re spreading, dudes!

Party favours. Stretching out the Indian summer vibe, tiki it to a whole new level.

They all told me Hailey loved this experience and was happy, was she surprised though? This was a last minute orchestration (but a long time plan regardless) and I though it would be neat when my brother was passing her off to her Nana we’d surprise her at Yogurty’s with some friends and birthday gifts. COOL AUNT MUCH!

Pieces of six eight (i have memory dyslexia) replica coins I bought for Hailey in Quebec city. Look at all her rings, oh brother. She has way better style than I did at 13, I was greasy grunge and had to scrounge for clothes unlike how we just rain it all down on her.

I threw ‘em in that leather fake-out medieval spell book also purchased from the same store. I bought my head wreathe there too and I am so going back to Q city in the spring.

It was so hard to decide, this has a cool skull on it, skulls are cool, play it safe and go for that. Kids have high cool standards, to your face they’re all yeah thanks and behind your back, “pfft.” My brother and I get schooled by her all the time and we go O_O and then break into laughter. Payback time.

I bought her that in San Diego from the Hard Rock hotel where I stayed, when my buddy Sarah left I was like, now what? Ooh shopping. Also bought my dad a Lennon shirt. This I wanted for myself but felt greedy enough from the jewelry I bought at So Good earlier that afternoon. Doesn’t in look like the Heart they give Tin Man at the Emerald City? Peace symbols too and mini guitar pics. MY grandfolks brought us Hard Rock swag all the time from their travels, I wanted to follow suit with tradition.

Can’t even see where it is, or it’s not on yet? That hippie leaf bracelet was mine too. Hailey has the rep at school of “girl with lots of bracelets on” she said. Ha nice.

Wicked yo!

I uploaded 122 photos. I am trying to skim it down but the longer I get to post the more avoiding of other things I don’t want to do I can do. Hehheh.

I could visit again and again and my Yogurty’s experience will never be the same and I like that, I dig variety muchos. I started making up a funny Yogurty’s are like snowflakes, no two are alike joke but then it got profoundly cheesy so I stopped. You can figure it out on your own I am sure.

Mary Lyne came along for the ambush. She is family too, I held her in my hands when she was a little baby, her dad and my dad have been bros for over forty years. Wild right, live around the corner from one another and Bob is to Duncan what Paul is to John Lennon, they play in Dr. Robert together (they’re gonna love that bahaha). Do you like my cast of characters? Ps. Mary Lynne is hardcore into Blur too, guess why? She calls me Bluren, thanks for that dad haha.

I threw those shades in to Hailey’s prezzie bag, I think Steph gave them to me? This loot bag was entertaining to watch open as I had forgotten half the stuff inside, I didn’t pre-photograph anything in case someone snooped on my blog.

Lookin’ good brah. That’s Shawn’s Johnny Cash outfit.

I love lamp.

Of course I had to get her this too. (Rodeo Drive voice lol). I wore my first boyfriend’s guitar pic necklace all the time, Hailey’s look is part hippie, the necklace is soft suede, the pic is polished wood. Hard Rock has quality merch. I stopped myself from charging this to the room. Too greedy haha. Gifts when given should always be purchased by the gifter otherwise it isn’t true or fair. I have rules.

She must take forever getting ready.

I must have been having a mental time out moment hahaha.

My third time visiting and I only realized after the fact the middle twist valve. MEGA!

Kids can eat a lot of crap. They all had seconds! WHAT! I think when someone else is treating all of a sudden you get hungrier.

As always I love the decor.

It’s fascinating to see everyone’s topping selections much like a conveyor belt ogling in the check out line. Mary Lynn layered hers with a fistful of cheesecake cubes. My uncle put marshmallows on his. RIDICULOUS! FUN! LIFE!

I chose this. Mixed it with chocolate fudge which made it taste like fig newton. I do not like fig newtons AT ALL. baha.

So far my favourite is the crispy wafer flavoured yogurt.

Sorry was just cruising the nutrition and saw their adorable buttons page. Can the Yogurtys people please redesign my blog please. PLEASE. (please).

It was madness, capturing it all while choosing my own trying to get everybody’s turn at bat. I was a little flustered.

And I am a wizard on the side did you know that? Oh god who is that behind me?

And my uncle Mike. he is an eccentric millionaire. Look at the website for one of his businesses. Next summer we are overtaking his boat for a day with the Juicebox kids, they won a trip at my 10 year blogiversary party.

MMMMMmmmmm.

Keepin’ it neapolitan. Nice necklaces.

Can you guess whose is whose? I’m quad 2.

We took over. When I arrived I said to the manager, I have $100 to spend and we’ll be taking pictures, head’s up. She said let me clean up first. It was already spotless. Super nice staff!

I needed rainbow sprinkles for aesthetic purposes and the closest they had was nerds. When in Rome.

No ide who this belongs to. We got everyone covered before Sylvia and Rachel arrived at just over $50 ($51.36) and before they had seconds. It was like a reality show budget challenge. I gave the remainder on one of the cards to my Nana and Papa. Geezers like their ice creams I mean Yogurts. Can’t tell the difference here which is the point.

I told everyone not to fill up before this.

My uncle’s pre-sauce addition. Rachel was scarfing hers before they could weigh it ahah but let it go seeing as we ordered so many. VIP is the place to be :).

Oh I betthat was delicious. JEALOUS. JEALICIOUS! Gahahha.

This is probably going to have to be a two-parter, I know lame right but I have a pizza on the way and functions to get to so this blog will be planet Yogurty’s for the next 24 hours. I’ll add a bit more while I gorge.

That’s me mum’s.

WUhoo! Pizza attack time.

Meet the bunker. My dad’s house has like eighteen basements.

Whatever it is I’m saying I’m sure you deserved it.

We made a friend in the parking lot and turns out he was going to our dad’s gig and by friend I mean weird loner guy with earphones on and OCD.

Party in the vestibule.

GATE KEEPER.

My brother looks like Charlie Sheen. You know that’s the costume of the year?

I am in the middle of a fight with my mom right now cos she sent me a comment she received from one of my trolls and it’s triggered a discussion. If you can’t handle the internet association with me then don’t step all over my domain. How can you tell me to ignore the haters when you forward one right at me? They haunt every avenue and alley that I do on the webs. Have we not learned anything? These cretins will stop at nothing to bring me down and I am not letting them. The more I start to feel better and look better they all come out, it’s so gross! And for ELEVEN YEARS NOW (this November) like dudes, you’ve always been older and less relevant than me, and what point do you expect to break me? You can email my clients as false customers and make libel cases for me but you will never stop me. Like, I am not half as arrogant as I have grounds to be based on how hard I work, all that I have accomplished, how I keep my looks polished and ahead of the trends. I can’t even toot my own horn without 40 losers attacking me, my entire family, lifestyle, past, future, age, it is disgusting. Fascinating. How come these people can’t find other shit to do? Also, why can’t they figure out that they catch more bees with honey? Did I ever say I would reject them or be mean to them? If they are so addicted to me that they can’t take it why do they let me get to them? What did I do to them exactly? Oh a topless photo in a mirror doing push-ups? And?

But don’t worry cos I am not anywhere near to my “goal” yet and the fight for it is tiresome, gruelling at best, I work very hard to keep my life interesting and when I have hopes and aspirations, instead of whining and complaining and wishing, I get proactive and put shit in motion to get those wishes granted.

My mom pissed me off cos she emailed me first thing when she gets up her tri-annual email about drinking too much that ALWAYS comes in following a family get-together, it always pisses me off, makes me snap, makes me OCD and reply with 56 caps lock explosion responses. Now I am only airing this laundry cos she seems intent on pissing me off until the day I die and so must understand that there are consequences to annoying actions. Ps. I had less than two glasses of wine on Thanksgiving so WTF. I don’t enjoy drinking, it is boring and I don’t even get wasted anymore. It just goes along with eating, which is a life indulgent for me that is equal parts business and pleasure.

I live in a fishbowl. Everyone watches me, considering half of them “hate” or have “opinions” about me, there is definitely chatter. You sense it and it makes you kind of hate everyone back, you expect this constant bullshit. When people are drawn to you, you have this extra kind of responsibility to be “on” so basically I have been performing my entire life.

And so as usual, nana triggered all of this. She said she didn’t want me to leave because she thinks I drink too much. THINKS? Um I have a fucking event to go to, concert of the year, PORTISHEAD no offence you guys (WHO ARE IN YOUR EIGHTIES!)(I am still in my twenties) but I got shit to do and a place to be and trying to bring me down about it by way of alcoholism is pathetic. So her email gets me going about that to start with to which I reply: F- YOU because I am not giving in this time and of course, Tracey unsatisfied by that pulls out her ammo, a “message from troll” comment about me instead.

Raymi has an empty soul. She looks worn & haggard from drinking and trying so hard to be physically attractive. You can see it on her face, she is worn….an empty soul. You have failed as a mother to push superficiality. Empty souls.

I don’t know what to say anymore. There is so much sexism rampant on the internet, agist remarks abound, empty vessels with no family connection or things of merit blabbity blah. As much as my mom pisses me off (TO NO END!) she has not failed as a mother. I am extremely proud of her, and love her dearly. She is a survivor.

I am over it now. For now. I sent her a photo of me in that vestibule and said DOES THIS LOOK HAGGARD TO YOU!? So livid. And last week I was “fat”. I have never been in such amazing shape in years. Yes I look tired sometimes, but I’m a Kerouac, boozing and living is in my blood and so are eye bags. I will probably get plastic surgery on them at some point. This is my life, one blog post at a time. If you can’t fucking take it then fuck off.

He doesn’t even golf anymore. Nike golf shit, expensive glove. HAhaa.