Monthly Archives: August 2014

to defend or unfriend

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Hello people that I know and some that I do not, how was your summer? When is it officially “over” anyway? That’s okay, I don’t even want to talk about it. I am being a total whiner. Some friends of mine lament that they haven’t taken advantage of summer anyway, and I thoroughly have – there isn’t one rock in this whole durn town that I haven’t looked under, you know? I think the vanity side of me is uber terrified I’m gonna get fall plump and winter fat. Actually no. My stay slick contingency plan is to booze less when it’s cold and do more indoor cardio, join a gym and cry on a treadmill instead. Then in ten months it will be warm again. Fucking Canada, right?

I’ll be able to get my book done and work in general instead of running out the door all the bloody time like the bouncy squat dance running asshole I am. Getting a wicked tan though. My forehead is so brown. My face just looks better tanned. When it’s white you can actually see how haggard and french I am. I want to have a perma-tanned glow like wrinkled bags who make beach the epitome of their entire lives, who when you talk to them all you’re thinking is I bet there isn’t one inch on that entire body that has a white patch on it. Then you inspect beneath their eyes and marvel at how they don’t even look aged somehow from all that tanning, yeah sure there’s a tidal wave of folds and crow’s feet maybe but it’s all delicately bundled up in TAN. Sign me up.

Go Karting was amazing this week. This week was spent cramming as much summer insanity into it as possible. We went back again and your hero crashed into a bunch of tires and didn’t even fucking care. Good thing I had a shirt on that said I literally do not care. I choked. Couldn’t even think to hit the brakes and I was going so fast I crashed through two layers of tires and they weren’t even mad at me. I had the faster car and we were fucking with each other on our last lap, ran out of straight road I was so immersed that I didn’t see the curve and I went straight through it. Exhilarating. Maybe watching two Formula One movies in a row influenced me. It happens. Like how my brother and I used to drown each other as different characters from X-Men in the pool at a resort one Thanksgiving weekend, good times.

The first 7 laps of the day (pre-pool) I drove like a lady however, though.

Anyway, if you go to Go-Karts make sure you get car 15. The second time I drove it I could tell it had a long day of being rode dirty it wasn’t as tight and I sure as hell wasn’t any easier on ‘er.

Requisite pantsless selfie. Yawn.

My Peg Bundy look. My buddy says he actually knows her IRL (she’s also a singer) and he said I was prettier. Uh mean! She is a goddess. I checked the hashtag on instagram of peg bundy and all her outfits from Married with Children are completely amazing. Lots of 80’s spandex leotards over tights, belted, and a cigarette always dangling from her face. QUEEN.

Rocked Kelso beach too.

Have sudden desire to watch Top Gun. Tom Cruise is so short they had a body double tall guy take that epicinematic spike, eh? This blog is educational!

When the sun went down all the people cleared out and it was pretty nice.

Lovely.

See how sweaty my forehead is? That’s my forehead working on a tan. I have a slight brown moustache tan too I think I must have swiped a line of hawaiian tropic oil across my upper lip because WTF!!!??? hahaha

Do I look worried though?

Miley Cyrus update: doesn’t care.

Never stop being adorable or spotting and delighting, highlighting, the whimsical. Never change. No matter how much I tell you to. Best piece of never I’ve received lately. The only thing I change is my look. A leopard can’t change their spots… I have a vision of myself in the future for what my “look” goal is and I hope I attain it. People are obsessed right?? Whatever, it gets me through my life. It is armour. I never want to be rejected ever again. That’s when I started running absolutely everyday like a gladiator. Rejection is a thing we cannot control but we can try and along the way other opportunities arrive because when you work on yourself you are a magnet. Your lit fire gives off energies to those like-minded, who know what’s up and as far as I am concerned it is all good.

Dressing like wait staff at the “fancy” restaurant. I mean I have all these corporate shirts they’re not gonna just wear themselves plus I always kind of dress like a lesbot anyway.

If you can’t read my writing it says, “with their fucking lives” and guess what I am talking about?

Hi Oakville, I look like a meatball! Don’t care/explaining anyway (PMS), it’s just the pose.

Couldn’t resist.

Good morning Vietnam

I like that I have rib friends I see each year, they practically come to my doorstep. I did the whole campy raymi the Minx thing while the entire line watched as I held an Uncle Sam’s trophy above my head. I didn’t pay attention but my camera guy did and was blown away all night long by the reaction I garnered at rib fest. Definitely a walking scene, I is.

Visited Amy yesterday and she’s doing well, so good to see her. We worked the Canadian Open together last year on the 18th hole VIP tent for 4 days. SHIT SHOW! Lolollllll. I think we hated each other for awhile afterward ahahha. Amy and I have been friends since I moved to Oakville at 21. That chick is a vault so don’t even try it!

I just ran out of steam.

I was gonna just wear a plaid shirt with sleeves for some boring fucking reason but then I said wait a minute I have this with me too maybe it can work. I instantly became 100% more conceited and it was off to the races.

One whole rack of ribs plus 2 bottles of sauce to go. I doubt my plaid shirt would have been so successful. Thanks Uncle Sam’s BBQ see you today/tomorrow for judging. All of my friends who have gone have been floored by your ribs.

Caught a celtic east coast band too that was awesome. Under my favourite weeping willow tree. People danced. Lots of drinking. The best thing about ribfest compared to sound of music festival is you can walk around with your drinks you don’t have to be jammed in a gated off area like dogs. Give’r!

Love the pool at the lakeview. It was practically empty so felt pretty resort-like.

ILUGuys. Enjoy the Labour daze w/e now ya hear? xo raymbo

Fame or flame.

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Hi sports fans! Happy Wednesday, like it matters! I mean, make it count! Can’t stop yelling!

Tanned, ran twice yesterday and it made for flawless legs. I’m sorry. There’s something about denim, a tan. Black shoes. Sneakers. Good for sneaking!

Took some practise shots yesterday. I wanted to see how my New Orleans bunny crawl suit fits now that I am all exercisey and shit. With a face like that and the ray bans it came out a bit more Gummo than Playboy lol. Wait until you see where the location will be haha oh god.

Okay. So when I go on my run I have a few regular bars I run into and use their bathrooms. Get them to fill up my water bottle. Tell them IOU. One place I am like, well, you ARE a sports bar right as I drip sweat all over their fucking floor and take a million selfies in the bathroom mirror. I have a speech prepared for never about how it’s good for the community for runners to be able to take from local establishments (things like water and toilets) because it continues the circle of community. Hahaha. When you run you have a lot of thinking time. Like, why am I running so much for?

I rewarded myself with a steak salad and pint. I haven’t eaten out alone in a long time. Summer is almost over. I will for sure enter a depression. Suit up with an autumn running outfit. Sigh. Layers. Fuck off. I will slap a pumpkin spice latte out of your hand.

I talked to a guy in perriwinkle pants. He golfed that day. He looked as red as I was feeling in the sun. Which is out again so after my buddy leaves from lunch I’m a do my thing-a-ling. I am going to be on Toronto Mike’s podcast tomorrow at 1pm btw. Don’t miss it. @TorontoMike I dunno what the link is yet.

Ah gad. Good luck figuring out what the podcast link is guys!!!!! http://www.torontomike.com/podcast/.

Okay I shall continue when I get back from my psycho killer Qu’est-ce que c’est run.

Holding her purse. Now that is a man. I try to get guys to hold my purse all the time. HAhaha. Where is this guy when I need him in my arguments about how masculine it actually is to carry your ho’s purse.

My ipod flew out of my pocket yesterday and finally smashed. Still works. My running safari dork shorts from MEC are too loose on me now and all my shit exploded out of them yesterday. It is SO embarrassing when you’re running like the olympics blasting by people and then all of those same people see your ipod slide down the street at the same speed you were just running. Men always pick it up for me though so there’s that. Then I run away mortified but don’t care cos there are all new people to embarrass myself in front of just around the corner, or perhaps not. From all the training and running and dancing I do I’m becoming hella co-ordinated athleticly speaking. Don’t worry you will see.

It’s a great place to live actually.

Shit went down in Btown eh! Click to enlarge and learn!

Love it. Stay tuned.

This was my second run yesterday. It was more of a saunter. But still. I was psycho for sun and boy I sure got it.

Matchy matchy. Today it was blue socks and blue hat.

Hate myself for pigging out last night.

And the day before that. Someone said we work out so we can do this and not the other way around.

Munchkinland vibes around these parts sometimes.

It was so good though!

We listened to the waves my friend and I. He pointed them out. I remembered why I chose this place. It was quite majestical. When I turn down the music I can hear them right now, anytime.

Someone said I was hot. Like, they got problems now hot. I assisted in that quote. I am full of ‘em by George.

I am a pig.

Oh yeah these stupid ones. Gloomy dark faced (I was hung) but you can see my abs/def.

It’s like a Hooters bikini haha.

I’m a feminist.

Nothing like fresh towels.

Being coached (lol) to do weights now which I am going to pick up immediately after I publish this.

New Playboy Energy Drank VSpot is out btw. A new one is on the way soon too.

I had to crop this SFW. ;)

Bye now.

I will give you something else

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Hi! *waves* and other emoticons.

Sometimes I feel like I am such a giant big mouth and I have all these things to say, all these thoughts to share and then become fatigued by it and the time I make to commit to, writing. It’s like I could just talk about anything, spin a yarn in detail and at length about any bullcrap here and it doesn’t really matter so much as I am typing. Woah. David Suzuki staring into the eye of an evergreen tree. Exactly.

I have put myself out there to be this next big something I hope I am not choking under the weight of my own ambitions. I have a lot of public speaking, and scarier yet, writing, in my future and I am feeling all spoken out. I’m just shaking out my fears is all.

It has been an interesting, interesting summer. Another one for the fucking books lol. Aren’t they always like pyro though? A significant summer: that has lit a fire beneath my ass! Like it?

My tagline (a new peer bosom buddy mentor of sorts has decided to grant me a to-decide/do list) or “a” tagline is this. Let me know what you think. Raymi the Minx: A flavour you want. Ruminate.

Anyway. Marketing aside. As blathering on before about not knowing what to say, it all comes from thoughts which drive you and you ride through and you’re just like riding through your life basically propelled by your own thoughts. These things spill onto social media and the like. Just riding through my life. That’s my stunted Bob Dylan-y jive and all I wanted to say. I’m being influenced by True Detective right now. I fancy myself talking gritty, curt.

By the time I am fit enough to wear these custom Hooters outfits I can’t find the orange booty shorts. I wore my blond wig and the shirt for Halloween actually.

Oh god not my best work but whatever. I’m like a wounded court jester ahaha. Like I give a damn. Sean Connery voice.

Damara has a shoe problem.

Damara I miss you xo.

My Hobbit hole. The lake is my view right out of that window. Come over and let me read my poetry to you Bahhahahahhaha. No seriously. Gahhaha. Jkjkjk.

I just whatsapped this to Stephy and said come and read my shitty poetry. hah.

After this I have to get semi-pretty for a potential wedding crashing and what not and what not my way through life.

Last time I posted a hooters pic someone believed I was working there. Half awesome half sad. Like if there was a new Half Baked starring female stoners and one of them were me, working at hooters. Yo I would f–ing watch that! See how it says raymi the minx for the billionth time on my shirt. Did you know the backstory to these uniforms I received? It is SUCH a good one. You will hear it one day.

RBG is amazing times. Going back soon.

Selfie nuts. Need more events in Btown.

I run absolutely everyday though.

Have a great night!

Play hard to forget

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Hello Jabrones. Hi it’s just me here killing time and not myself. RIP R Williams.

I am actually waiting for my “literary agent” to pick up the damn phone! I am happy to inform you lot, that I have unearthed my How to be Famous on the Internet manuscript and because it sounds a wee bit dated in parts I thought I might share some of this load of crap I’ve been sitting on since I first sat down in rural Northern Ontario someplace and begun writing it. *Licks finger/turns page.

What I am going to do with my self-made how-to story novella is upgrade it with what is happening in the worlds online today, in particular, pertaining to myself of course (Raymisms and so on, essentially) and whatever the fuck else I make up about the rest. It’ll be good don’t worry. I am trying to speak as vaguely as possible before a smart person beats me to the punch this time. THEN, once I finish this Godforsaken “gateway” book I can move on to the next ones and be JK Rowling. Jkjkjjkjk Rowling.

Okay hi I’m back just had our call and now I am capital psyched. We discussed publishers. It’s a go. I was like refamiliarize yoself! Im’a be buggin’ you like hell! My agent always says, get it on paper. Which I never do. Well I do but it’s funny we are discussing books in this day and age. I’m like well, you’re still in business bro so I guess people still read books. We discussed you guys too. The “Little Raymis”. Oh it’s so exciting! Bang a gong bro! If all else fails we will just put a gigantic picture of my ass on the cover. Word.

Expect more Raymi. But maybe don’t! Because I’m not supposed to be here. The immediacey of blogging is still desirable, the feeling I get from it and the people I reach, touch with my work and inspire. Minx, perhaps. Flirt with. Talk shit to. Oh the internet is the fucking best, can I get a hell yeah and an amen? Thank you.

The internet brought me Damara, so… yeah.

The adventure continues/I got things to pretend to do so see ya. Here is one excerpt from my book.

How to be famous on the Internet. I will tell you how I did it and through that perhaps you can glean your own infamy course of action. Essentially, all the bells, whistles, and gimmicks of being an internet celebrity are merely simplistic no-brainer hallmarks of a successful businessperson. Talk a good game, be one step ahead, be smooth, motivational speaking type shit. This book is a novel under the guise of a guide. I am using talking points from my how to be famous on the internet lectures, of which I have given many, as my chapter titles. Not only will you learn how to be famous on the internet, you will also learn how to write. First you learn how to write, then you learn how to harness your writing skill for online domination. If you’re here not to learn anything other than how I do, just taking a seat along for the ride, that’s fine too.

xo R/L

ps. if you also just haven’t gotten enough, I tumbl.

Unrequit this.

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Hi Raymwatch. Instead of moving forward in life, today I have decided to take it a step back or few and check out some #TBT Throwbacks because I don’t know what the future holds and I don’t care at the mo. I know that I’ve done a lot of out there stuff in my time and sometimes fail to give it the recognition it deserves due to whackloads of cyber bullying making fun of my performance art (burlesque) but now that I have been taking in some of my past exploits I am impressed, suffice it to say. That wow I did that.

Even though I blind myself in the eye in the end, emulating the scene from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation in the same (more or less) red bathingsuit with Hawaiian flowers thrown in to marry it all together was pretty epic…blah blah blah watch. I am kind of going through a body fitness obsession phase right now so maybe I am taken by that? Like don’t fuck it up again this time kid. My goal is totake on the world with my body and mind. But mostly body. If I could call myself Raymi the Body from now on, I would. Someone is already called “The Body” though, and she’s awesome (scary).

I made these videos all the time because I was too shy to dance out in public because no one dances in Toronto but I have this burning desire to dance and these youtube videos were how I did it. Plain as day sober. Alone. Like a hamster in its cage? Some became pretty viral too. The rest of this post will be pictures. This video is from 2008. OLD.

Okay well one more can’t hurt :).

At the end of this night, some girls dressed up in my tickle trunk costumes and one uses a picture of her in this with me in it on her dating profile. I don’t know why I love that so much? It’s ridiculous probably. That a guy on the internet who reads my blog told me about it cos he saw it there but knew I wasn’t dating. I am turning into an easter egg.

Oh and I am gonna be the next ass person too that is also one of my crazy goals. I am going to also chisel out space in my repertoire for my ultimate sights which are set to be Chelsea Handler. I’ll have to start drinking way more though. But back to ass, if you don’t believe it check my instagram I am doing daily badonks and it’s probably nsfw. Three crappy words of life: Not Allowed To. I woke up, smelled the coffee and realised I was allowed to do this. So I am doing it. Ps. this pic was in Miami, we had an awesome time.

Life as a blonde was interesting. I did not achieve my goal with it which was to be Holly Madison and after MTV Creeps I wanted to distance myself so I changed my hair and never spoke of all the awful things I wanted to say about them and went Jean Grey.

Aw Papa. I am going as Nana’s date tomorrow in your stead. We love and miss you so much. This was my brother’s 30th birthday jam that I decorated the house like a carousel for him as a surprise, he was touched. So I have turned 28 by this point. He and my ex got loaded on flavoured vodka and I depsised them ahhaha.

Then I was on another dating show and the secret is we were already dating. He curled my hair that morning of taping and actually dropped me off too. lol sorry. That’s why I was so awkward cos I was afraid of how he would act, yet he was brilliant. I was the one who got made fun of bahaha.

Christine is an awesome blogger too who is traveling the world. Too bad we didn’t meet up in Germany! Me wearing this little onesie (my niece now has) was a big deal cos I was on my way to getting skinny and it was my first tiny outfit that I felt uncomfortable in all night long wearing, but everyone gawked in a good way. I try not to dress like an idiot as much anymore but it happens. Speaking of throwback this was a throwback party.

Met a hot doctor this night and I danced with Dennis Rodman. Ft Lauderdale baby. Still get their emails and they make me sad.

We didn’t fight the whole time. you don’t fight in Paradise. But I strangled her at the airport and made her delete all my evidence. God the stories I’m gonna tell one day when I’m a shriveled up extra from the movie Cocoon.

I am glad this feature film I starred in never saw the light of day. The stills are good enough for me.

I am glad this picture of me exists. I am hokey, what can I say. It worked for Mr. Dressup.

Melucas were spinning at Salvador Darling, Clem got us a limo and we surprised them after my headlining show at tattoo. That was an epic performance too. Don’t worry. I’ll do an act someday again. #bucketlists Also note my arm pre-minx tattoo but the burn mark (jerk chicken bbq) is there, which is why I got the tattoo.

Biked over to another old pocket of my past life to gibson Showroom one night alone and saw many many many (friendly) ghosts of back then, it was a bit much. I tried to be invisible. My eyes were watering the entire time because it was late in the summer, my allergies. God what a fool haha but here is a picture that it ever happened.

I wannabe Katy Perry too.

This is one of my favourite pictures. I was feeling really conceited and pretty and in love this night and so I wanted a nice picture but NOPE. Friends weren’t having it. COOL THANKS!

I love this picture too. What’s up O’Nizz!

Team yay cray at the nxne party. Ok i have to go to more music parties again because I get to see my old friends and by old friends I mean important people who fan girl my blog and tell me stories about Woody harrelson all night. Put me on your guestlist fuck sake raymiATraymitheminx.com and I am looking at you TIFF parties.

Another NXNE party night the next night. Hi Casie! ILU

Awesome bloggers know how to work together too. Sometimes. This was one of those times! Do you wanna see the video? An old friend of mine talked to me about it last night. Small worlds always, no?

My eyes watered all day long this day too ughh.

As for Jules she went back to school in San Fran and is dating some hot hippie bro now. Righteous. Miss you babe.

Bechnique is expecting a little boy! She’s somewhere in the states? Happy for you!

Reading up on one of my cyber besties at the shoe, just a typical Tuesday night.

Being skinny and hot and depressed at Emmas.

Haha those overalls.

I got that weird virus on NYE and lost like 7lbs, when I was already really skinny to begin with. there’s a blog post about that night if you were keen.

Had some interesting outfits for around Burlingtron.

I moved back to Toronto not long after this.

There are only so many times you can go bowling. Or are there?

Which brings us to nowadays. Do you think I should keep on keeping on? Thanks much obliged for checking out TBT with me.