here i have the hosting skills of a valley girl. it’s ok cos by the last video i morph into drunk texan oil tycoon. the ones in-between, giddy excited scaredy cat.

so i say to my colleague on the ride back, guess what, when i hung back to go to the bathroom i landed a new blog gig, he’s like, oh yeah? i go yeah! it’s this new product they’re going to brand, like merch or something, they’re going to GIVE me a stingray! he goes really!? i go, NO you %$#& idiot! blahah i was on a total asshole roll tonight. so good so good. saw lucas across the way and saw that he was appropriately smammered. he won tickets via steamwhistle. we drove his ass home. also i saw an old bud saurav, a notorious story goes along with that cat. (he was the roommate from devon)

i have videos of petting stingraymis at last year’s seafood for thought event. proper coverage tomorrow.

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global warming sucks. they didn’t disconnect the water from this splashpad area, some animals clearly had been accidentally blasted throughout the event. ahhaha.

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dress was a hit. i considered stuffing. YES total full house moment. did you ever stuff? i did once and i felt like everyone knew it, omg i am too embarrassed to recount the day and person’s stoop i was chilling on with the entire neighbourhood thinking my village of the damned stuffed toilet paper bra’d thoughts. it’ll spread all on facebook and then i’ll break out in zits and pastel yellow hi-top reeboks will materialize onto my feet even though i came of age during the fluorescent wave.

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knock knock! who’s there? HOLY F-ING FIERCE! cassi’s gams are pretty amaze.

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this bikini kinda sucks now. i’ll pack it anyway. it’s shrunk/i’ve blown up.

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ok baaaai must work on my beauty, and sleep.

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look it’s me and a real model and i am playing boyfriend and catching her. i also look like jimminy cricket as a woman. that jacket was a solid investment yeah? sped home to grab my shorts instead of buying a billion dollar pair at holts. i discovered yesterday that i am offensively naive about fashion. half the stuff my personal shopper selected for me i already owned the knock-off h&m/f21 versions thereof. she’s like, this? i’m like have it. this? oh just gave a shirt version of that dress to my brother’s gf on sunday. how about this? have a crappier version of it at home that i don’t wear anymore, face completely beet red. it never occurred to me that h&m and all the rest might not be originators hahaa.

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cassi wong lee and i. i cried some of my makeup off a little bit when i saw a tweet from my mom cheering me on. it was a frenetic day, all the chicks seemed to have moody moments and issues at certain junctures of our whirlwind crystal light challenge. challenge, indeed. v proud of my designer, top 8 chosen in all of canada for this competition.

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we had to match the bags or be cohesive along with. now, do i ever do that? some girls were creating outfits culling from wares previously owned, they had more time to plan this, i found out about my involvement merely hours before it all began (thanks terri!!) so deciding what to catwalk in was a little (hugely) overwhelming plus i was over-thinking the possible backlash from all of this, i am neurotic to the bone.

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my walk was killer though, better during the practise round on stage pre-show but oh well, can’t always be perfect but i will definitely die trying. tombstone inscription: TRYING; DIED.

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this fit kinda nice but it was a billion dollars. you can burn through a grand easily at holt renfrew. i have money leftover i’ll save for a rainy day or maybe i can get a summer shift dress for south beach i dunno i dunno ACK!

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casie‘s lipstick was super flattering to her complexion. the theme of lipwear was bright bright bright. i was nervous (of course)(i am going to begin every sentence from here on in with “i was nervous…”) i would look like a drag queen. makeup people see my strong features and drag the hell out of them, they get all pumped at my interesting and weird looking wonderland of a face and turn me into ziggy stardust. i was happy that they were minimal on the eye makeup. i still had no idea how to pose my face with that face though.

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practising with a bag. i prefer catwalk with no bag or holding a clutch but in model world you model what they give you. here, ride this unicycle, be fierce and STFU.

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walk with the hips, throw them forward. i gave lots of girls walking tips because in my head i have been a supermodel for 28 years and yesterday was my debut of all the things i have gleaned from ANTM/CNTM and FT etc etc. years of dance has trained me with poise and posture and TMR has aided in getting my kinks out, and buffing my hunchback.

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see, check stacey’s mouth she is about to proclaim WOW or some shit. i look like i am going to the mall with my mom at 11 with one of her old shitty purses full of pennies and transformers and lint cat hair covered chapsticks you know, adult world necessities.

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the moment of eye makeup truth. please be kind. she was. also, tolerant.

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took lots of pics of displays and things i probably shouldn’t have. i was in queue for a personal shopper so i got a look-around firsthand. spotted the blazer and was seduced by it and my reflection in the mirror plus everyone else’s reactions to me in it. $730. for a blazer. are you cheapskates wiping your brow right now like me?

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we got these flip cams for our shopping sprees too. i was the only one who got away with capturing footage i believe cos of my julia roberts being ignored on rodeo drive quest. when i went back to the inner sanctum of the personal shopping batcave layer (i did not know this place existed because i am eliza doolittle) they asked for my camera and said we weren’t allowed to film i was like, dudes, i got tons don’t worry and passed it over. my minx nails are still holding up. i am getting better at not fiddling with them and i was right, this particular decal’s material adheres wickedly to nails.

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lisa got herself an amazing cougar dress. so hot.

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i knew all the brands to steer clear of though so as not to torture myself. even some sale racks were fainting spell worthy. it was a serious hunt.

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just before my interview at the metropolitan where i lived for a day/night sort of.

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getting mic’d up and that guy knows britt.

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then i checked in and was mind blown.

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i wish that decimal point wasn’t there.

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didn’t have my camera with me at this point, teacher later brought it. it’s hard to get my whole body in a mirror when it is so close to the other wall (i am tall).

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my view. casie was on the 20th floor we were like oh, so nice to have you down here with us we are surprised you are gracing us with you presence down here ahaha.

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product placement. hi i am raymi lauren crystal light. seriously my name is lauren krista white so when you throw that into the bipolar express it turns into a marketer’s wet dream; raymi lauren krista crystal light white. omg i am braindead.

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i was also the only one who got to escape for a concert as i had pre-plans i could not re-neg on, getting bob and mary lynn into beady eye at the sound academy. i mean, they could have gotten in without me but it was a family thing right, it was an all ages show and i’m sure mary lynn would want her cool older sis to be around. i missed dinner with the girls and designers i was so hungry/blasted off a sip at sound academy my hands were shaking from exhaustion of the past two weeks/life i dropped one of our pizza slices on the bleachers. ugh.

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i informed teacher that the gallagher brothers are on my top 5 list (of celebrities to bang that don’t count) so he was a bit resentful and all awares of what was going on and anyway liam looked like little lord fauntleroy in a union jack knee-length coat aka. ZERO sex appeal so is henceforth stricken from said list and so is noel, just cos, so that frees up two more spots.

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the first drink i have paid for at SA in, ever? so amazing i took a photo of it. my guy later came through with the drink tickets. cos it was all ages we were all slobs, no vip going on, it was reserved for actual vipeople like, camp oasis i guess. it’s terrible how much you are willing to not enjoy yourself when vip privileges are taken away even though you didn’t pay for your tickets. i am a prick.

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always a gorgeous view.

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me and mary lynn ha she looks like a mini raymi. the lighting was overbright, even bob had to wear his sunglasses. i got ZERO photos of liam that you could make out. it was my first time ever seeing a gallagher which is 1000% the only reason why i went, i didn’t know one song, they all sucked, couldn’t make out three words in a row seriously but for the legend that the guy is it was a must-see. their name also is stupid and it should be called the liam show. seriously don’t even try to dress it up as anything but, own that you are liam gallagher and put your band members in their places as hired musicians not some kind of camaraderie that it isn’t. fuck, call the band PAYCHECK why don’t you. also, i think liam could see us we were dead row center with the lights right on us and thus i have convinced myself that he did and is in love and mourning over me now. your loss dude, if i was in vip this night might have played out differently.

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there was a lot of this and drunken hooligans, major fanatics. one sequin shirted retarded drunk dancing on chairs in our way woman was our bonus entertainment for awhile until she started to piss us off and i politely tapped her with my purse and asked her to F off. twice. she was on something for sure.

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he is in the middle. i am sure you can find better pics elsewhere online. not here though that’s for sure. i learned that at this same time jimmy gnecco was wailing away at wrong bar. one day i will clone myself.

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thanks for the goodish times now back to the hotel.

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my breakfast. we kept having to rush to eat and i don’t eat until dinnertime mostly (usually, always) and when it comes to eating with a table of girls it’s obvious that what’s on my plate and your plate and her plate is all noted and judged accordingly. don’t take other people’s nutrition personally kthxbai. ps. i’m going to be on a runway in the afternoon, figure it out. hamburger + runway = fail.

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this is when smythe and i fell in love. i txted a pic to my designer and she was like, uh, any other colours? i tried it on in the khaki, which leant me not much wow factor. pinky always wins. even that woman is like damn girl. when my designer noticed the leather elbow patches she relaxed and saw that it all could work. my bag was messenger style and her vision was shorts and a blazer so i stayed true to that, despite all the gorgeous summery feminine dresses i coveted and saw and would have preferred. i compromised plus, it’s MY shopping spree non?

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i liked this but for $250? no way. my hair was ridiculous. i even sweat in my sleep. i lose all my weight that way ahhaa.

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lisa and i split a cab to our neighbourhood to grab some things.

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my summer salad from the holt cafe. our server loved my nails. i want to go back and eat there again.

ok i ran out of story time. peace.

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i will “brb” with one of your typical raymbo style postings. i haven’t had a second to chill in days my brains and eyeballs feel like they are going cuckoo bananas and i have so much more to do. i have an event tonight right after a hair appointment. tomorrow a blog job, tons of cleaning to do and organizing laundry, packing for SB, meeting on friday, saturday is my movie shoot, sunday i last minute pack nervous breakdown and monday i vamoose. sometime in all that i must pre-blog some things for the 9 days i’ll be away. i would really love for the gods to give me a notebook to take on vacay so i can take my work with me and blog through my southern comfort hangovers. HINT GIVE ME A LAPTOP. PLEASE. i will kiss your ass however much you like. um what else. ugh who cares just more stressed out complaining. my hair is still up in its russian ballerina ponytail which was perfect for this morning at TMR cos they surprised me with the russian nightmare. finally oleg had his way with me and i am sore all over but good sore. that on top of yesterday’s runway heels and watching what i stuffed into my mouth, this hero has lost 8lbs since monday. andrew weighed me cos i made him, i felt all skinny (pms-slim out) and confident then i got a dose of nope, no change, try again later. so i stepped back up to that beast after all the psychotic russian torture he put me through this morning AND he was being nice, he asked me my weight, i told him (lied) and afterward i said ok weigh me now, dude. i was shocked to see the number. ok why am i still writing here? be back soon.

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sprinting mega fast. you will never see an adequate photo of the russian nightmare cos he is so fast.

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high kicks. i could tell he was amazed by how high i could go. didn’t see that coming didja?

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i can’t even tell you what this is called (below photo), i can’t understand half the shit he says. we communicate on a higher plane though, i know he wants to roll me up into a pretzel and launch me into the sun. this guy must have been trained by the government or something, probably takes cold showers parachutes down into unfamiliar territory and finds his way back to civilization eating anything he finds that he kills himself with his bare hands. i mean like, probably, which would explain his absence some days ahahhaa.

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i can barely even do this move.

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if any of you legitimate scholars wanna help me out and see some of your pieces of masterpiece theatre on this blog while i’m away let me know and that goes for advertisers too. i think i might ACTUALLY want to utilize this vacation as an actual vacation so i can grant you a 24 hour top blog post positioning while i’m hoovering hurricanes with my girls. raymi@raymitheminx.com 5k uniques daily and climbing. think about it.

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can you see teacher and keri and sabrina?

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stacey mckenzie was very impressed by my walk. i came i saw i gave it. she also knew my jacket was “a smythe”. dudes i am so marge and her chanel jacket country club now hahaha.

ok seriously bye stop distracting me!

bag designer: cassi wong lee (amazing, just 19 years old!)

jacket: smythe, holt renfrew.

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oh what a day.

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i had to get used to my face and hair in this ponytail and bangslessness. very jazz dancing days and sometimes my shyness is so brutal i should just be shoved into a plant and put out of my misery. then i look in the mirror and see how hot i am and go you IDIOT. this goes back to my dating of dickhead dudes days and not owning thy shit. it’s hard to make a concerted effort to ignore the in your head ugly duckling thing going on. i’d lie and say meh, i’ll get over it, but i likely will not ever and so, this blog keeps-a-rollin’.

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and as usual, ting tangs turned into the raymi casie show as uje. nick our camera guy was like, you guys NEED a show. MUST. couldn’t agree more. it was nice having an internet break today. the world won’t stop if you don’t blog. if there even is a world revolving around others aside from myself but anyway, dead on my feet. see ya tomorrow.

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way hotter when there’s two of you. new rule.

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casie tried to do tippy toes like all my girlfriends try to do to me in pics. no way i said, i am special partly cos i’m tall so THIS is where you stand. i did tippy toes to let her know how it feels.

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holed up at the metropolitan on the eve of a $1000 shopping spree tomorrow at holt renfrew. i just found out about it this morning. then, we will be catwalking at design exchange for a purse challenge modelling designs by competing fashion designers so our shopping spree is homework. must match ze purse.

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i missed the dinner though, went off to see beady eye at sound academy cos i got bob and mary lynn in and could not miss it. long story short i have barely eaten today, even dropped a slice of what would finally be sustenance in form of disgusto pizza pie down the bleachers from shaky pms haven’t had a moment’s rest hands.

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i saw the list of the other tweeter girls on board for this and lo and behold my lil buddy pants (of course) was part of this dreamy fun opportunity. thank you crystal light! very creative little concoction you’ve put together for us all.

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when casie got a load of this shirt she could not resist me, nor her own. i have two more slogan matchy shirts for a future publicity stunt in mind.

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we kind of are like the olsen twins you know. in real life and in their films, they play the opposite role of what they are. let that sink in.

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ok goodnight. you can watch how this spectacularly full and wonderful day all began on my twitter and follow along tomorrow where i’ll no doubt be tweeting up a should i buy this or that storm.

zzzzzzzz.

++

must register to leave a comment. spam is rearing it’s selfish head again. no time to deal with deleting it all today. lemme know if you want to come to the fashion show today. stoked.

what’s up nana!

burnoutington or bust. we went saturday night to save our sanity.

i got rid of a lot of duds and hailey was the recipient of many fine aunt raymi things. mom got her greedy paws on some loot too. we are like a friggin’ trading post.

this is when i tweeted teacher to come back and do some family time with me.

i do not know how i am going to survive 9 days in south beach with her.

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hailey the angel will be 13 in september. time is flyin’.

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nana and papa came by too. love those guys and for once my mom was bitchier to me than my nana was. amazing! nana said the older i get the lovelier i am, more charming blah blah etc. thanks!

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the answer is yes, this looks gross to me too.

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hahahaha my bro’s card to my dad.

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lots of sun yesterday. burlington is about doing whatever the hell you want. when i become mayor that will be the city’s slogan. you’re welcome.

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carole, our cheesecake held up, everyone loved it. LOVED IT.

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hailey makes great cards. gets it from me.

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le sigh.

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9 years later we get jason’s photos from nxne party.

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wow my bottoms look totally insane right. yeah i need to be in a band and play guitar wearing those things screaming my brains out.

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ahhaha gross i feel like my body is starting to take the form of a ghoul now so is.

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so arbus. so hilar.

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uh mom do you think this was a good idea?

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someone’s gonna be a model one day.

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my f21 dress i barely wore. fits her perfectly. made my arms look like snausages.

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britt and i bought these wings for the video we made together. ended up not using them in the end. their rightful owner has them now.

seventeen degrees in a november forest from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

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behind the scenes niece-o-vision.

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drool.

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always cut cheesecake with a hot wet knife and drag backwards and out not up.

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some of these do not even require captions.

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my mom posed these so take the lewdness up with her i am innocent.

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my brother looks like charlie sheen.

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teaching them how to do a mirror dance video. they immediately figured it out. will post it later.

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i love the suburbs. stella loved it too. longer stay next time.

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eskimo kiss now get the hell out of here so i can get trashed. hahaa. they went gambling. GAMBLORS!

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exactly. i’m like why the hell are you doing this mom?

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ahhaha i have the giggles right now i don’t know why.

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i am drinking champagne while playing catch. no bigs.

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that was steph’s shirt. hailey’s fav of all the loot.

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i am quickly running out of the zero time i have.

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haha nice face. shirt i got from the bhd suites gifting lounge.

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for my dad from yours truly.

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love spying on these naybes.

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nacnud is my dad’s name backwards. nickname i bequeathed him yeeeeears ago.

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serenity now.

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oh nana you cheeky perv.

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haha billions of these. need more joke bikinis.

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hailey and i swapped one of our swarovski bracelets. she made a bad deal.

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that’s alright we’ll probably load up on more in SB.

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PEACE! MANIC MONDAY LETS DO IT!

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It is no secret that my life is insane, that i am half crazy, and often times i don’t know which way is up. last week was a whirlwind and this week will probably turn my brains into swiss cheese. as i look forward to and glimpse my immediate future i must pause and take a couple hours to reflect back on the past week as, that’s what we’re here for no?

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friday (it was friday, yes?) saw me traipsing down to blue jays way to get my gunned on with the boys. brother kyle was in town with a motley crue of the same wavelength your hero is all about so i put on some teeny shorts and sweated my arse through the big smoke. i love me some amble.

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that’s the stockbroker. he blasted back to ottawa after a few dance offs.

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stockbauer on the right, rented this condo with a shitty view and thus commenced making fun of everything in the entire universe, your scene, that scene, precisely what a good old fashioned summertime self-entitled bendering is all about.

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backlit kyle is a year my junior (pussy) and also juniorer yet to his brother gavin, one third of vice magazine-triad’s founding fathers blaahahajdkawbabfk; etc.

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i took ten thousand pictures of myself because that is what i do and everywhere i looked was a mirror or a dude. the mirror always wins.

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i invited some girls over don’t worry i’m not that greedy. they never came though haha.

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it’s too bad you can’t talk about things on blogs like when i was younger dumber and stupider, those are the best stories.

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don’t worry, everyone made fun of my shorts like i gave a shit. i look awesome. these things are now too big for me. i’ve stretched them out and gotten more lithe. summertime slim out holla! good thing too cos i’ll be walking down a runway tomorrow. yup. staying at a swanky hotel with a $1k shopping spree too and somehow going to manage to cram in partying with liam/noelwhatever gallagher tonight, his beady eyes band is playing sound academy. i’ve never seen oasis before so i will be staring at him like i have staring problems (which, i DO have) aghhhh i told you this week is going to be intense. btw liam gallagher is one of my top fives. teacher is in for a nervous breakdown tonight possibly AND i have my own hotel suite. SWEET!

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we made kebabs. no fingers were lost.

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domestic molestic. i called teacher and was all haaaaaaaaay whatcha up to about to nap? well if you wanna come now you can, it’s just me and 5 guys alone in a condo haha. well this one chick was passed out in a bedroom but that doesn’t really count. she kept tripping me out and reminding me of my old friend sarah, sounded like her too, talked like her. so cute. hi dana!

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ok not a bad view if you hang over the balcony that way.

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fire alarm went off for forever in this building. zero people cared.

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then these dickheads convinced me into that tiny girls bikini what shockingly fit my amazon frame. the thing about toronto and condos is, it’s against protocol to go and hang around in your bathingsuits cos all these uptight condo poor people get offended. major buzzkills. stuck it out for a few seconds hating them for it. the hot tub is on the inside up there. what’s the point, biodome world?

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ahhahaa whatever.

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the robe also made me look like a mental patient. thank yew for that.

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the bikini made me look awesome though so, even steven.

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back together again.

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these are all just from my blackberry too which is funny as these bozos work for bberry and mine is half busted i can’t believe they aren’t bending over backwards raining one down on me it’s like, you just love the hell out of my suffering. bastards.

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but if every cloud has a silver bullet lining, i shall make my peace. is that even the right branding slogan? feh. stuff some benjamins in it next time and i will make a point to get it right. -president.

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yeah thanks.

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i’m going to climb those stairs someday.

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i’ll post my mystery camera pics another day. good times dewds nice give’ring with ya.

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i love this kini. get used to looking at it or averting your gaze until i get another one. it was my father’s day outfit yesterday and surprisingly everyone took to it like no biggie. even nana.

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peaced out last night after daddy’s day, we were wiped so didn’t go to the gaga mmva party i bought this dress for. can’t win ‘em all lebowski.

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love this photo should i make it my next minx sidebar sponsored ad? do you think people know or “get” that those are raymi’s ska minx nails up there? i should include my face too right or like a long essay about my nails?

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i had a vegan sandwich here. i am going to emulate a vegan’s diet for the week to stay skinny as my newd scene is on the weekend. i want to look like one of those gross branch-looking insects hahahaha.

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i call that the cupcake surprise hairdo. my mother calls it a bird’s nest.

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the process of minxing is quite interesting. i’ll do a video next time.

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then kathy files off the excess with a nice glass file. simple. clean. tidy.

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wish these were here for the royal tea party i went to.

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and then i just dump all the gossip down on her and she’s like this is why you are my girl raymi. haha.

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you always want the one you didn’t go for and obsess over it til you go back and get it.

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i want to roll around in these.

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it was a very close call.

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the sweltering walk began like so. underwearless. simple. i have adopted an if i need it i’ll just buy it epithet. carrying around a cardigan is bothersome and you will never wear it. go out with as little as possible and just get the fuck out out of the house!

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tickle trunk couch will be going here soon.

ok chopping this in half must put the dryer on again. it takes 300 minutes (not kidding!) to dry a load. i wish there was something better than a pillow to scream into like a one eight hundred number you can call up to take your stress out on, oh wait one exists already, it’s called rogers. hay o! missed two workouts last week but thankfully i made today’s cos my body and mind definitely needed that stress relieving pulverizing andrew put me through. tyler was there in tip top form too and lucky loo there’s a great wagjag deal up for my gym right now so you cheapskates can turn into a little sleek toned turbo babe like your hero so What’s the WagJag?
$49 for One Month of Unlimited Re-Energizer Bootcamp and 12 Interactive Training Workout Sessions at The Motion Room. long story short, you are an idiot if you don’t jump at this opportunity. you have three days to mull it over. time’s a tickin’.

XOXOO!

father’s day angels from raymi lauren on Vimeo.